spidey's (spidergirl) Reviews

spidey

Review Requests: ON

1,195 Public Reviews Given

1,627 Total Reviews Given

Review Style

I attempt a well-rounded review where I look at the item from a writer's and reader's perspective. I'll tell you what I liked and what I think could be strengthened. I like to think I'm a courteous and helpful reviewer.

I'm good at...

attention to detail. If there's a typo, I'll find it!

Favorite Genres

Sci-Fi, Horror, Mystery, Thriller, Drama, Satire, and more

Least Favorite Genres

Romance, Religion, Sports

Favorite Item Types

Short Stories, Poetry, Essays

Least Favorite Item Types

Novels (I just don't have that much time)

I will not review...

There is very little I won't review. Try me!

226

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14 days may be credited.

#2498384

Review of French Kissing & Not Telling

Review by spidey

Rated: E

| (4.0)

Hi there badykittyvegas

Welcome to Writing.Com! If you have any questions, feel free to ask!

This is my review for "French Kissing & Not Telling"

Overall Thoughts:

This starts out with really great description. I could clearly see everything you described, and the visuals pulled me right into the story. I could immediately visualize and identify with the characters, and you've done a great job in setting up this chapter. Well done!

Suggestions
These are just suggestions. Feel free to use them or not.
(In reference to any grammar/spelling suggestions these are suggestions made with my understanding of grammar/spelling rules. If I'm mistaken or missing a regional difference in usage, I apologize in advance.)

The mild reference to alcohol requires a 13+ rating for this item.

I'd also suggestion using spaces between your paragraphs, as it makes the item a little easier to read.

My Rating

4.0 - Well written and intriguing! Keep on writing!

Sincerely,
spidey
"Invalid Item"

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"Noticing Newbies"

[13+]
"Reviewing @ Writing.Com"

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[13+]

227

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#2497462

Review of Forever

Review by spidey

Rated: E

| (3.0)

Hi there Gothic tears

Welcome to Writing.Com! If you have any questions, feel free to ask!

This is my review for "Forever"

Overall Thoughts:

I like how accusatory this poem feels. It's filled with "you" statements, with the speaker directly addressing the object of the poem. It's an interesting deviation from the hurt speaker poems I'm used to. This speaker doesn't dwell on being a victim, but instead attacks the abuser.

I also like how the poem starts with forever and ends with forever, yet it isn't the same type of forever. It created a nice sense of movement within the poem.

Suggestions
These are just suggestions. Feel free to use them or not.
(In reference to any grammar/spelling suggestions these are suggestions made with my understanding of grammar/spelling rules. If I'm mistaken or missing a regional difference in usage, I apologize in advance.)

Forever i would wait he said
To be grammaticaly correct, the "i" should be capitalized. It's up to you, of course, but I know many people prefer capitalized Is.

what you havebeacome
havebeacome

have become

you have been damed to live forever
damed

damned

you will kill wothout a thought
wothout

without

you will ba an outsider
ba

be

thinking that there is know one for me
know

no

This poem needs to be rated 13+ due to the use of "damned."

For me, I would have liked to see a little bit more visual description and imagery in this. Perhaps if you had several stanzas, each starting with a "you" accusatory statement, followed by emotional, vivid description. Of course, it's up to you, the writer, but I wanted to let you know my thoughts as a reader.

My Rating

3.0 - Good work! I enjoyed this a lot, and I think you've definitely got a handle on the message you want to convey. For me, the poem could use a little bit more work to be truly great, but I enjoyed reading it very much!

Thank you for sharing this! Keep on writing!

Sincerely,
spidey
"Invalid Item"

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"Noticing Newbies"

[13+]
"Reviewing @ Writing.Com"

[E]
"Content Rating System (CRS)"

[13+]

228

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#2497454

Review of Falling in Love in Folly Beach, SC

Review by spidey

Rated: E

| (3.5)

Hi there FollyDreamer

Welcome to Writing.Com! If you have any questions, feel free to ask!

This is my review for "Falling in Love in Folly Beach, SC"

Overall Thoughts:

What a beautiful and well-spoken tribute! I could really feel the emotion in this, and you present such wonderful imagery! I could really feel everything in this beach scene!

I like the rhyme scheme you've used here. It made the poem have a natural flow to it, making it enjoyable to read.

Suggestions
These are just suggestions. Feel free to use them or not.
(In reference to any grammar/spelling suggestions these are suggestions made with my understanding of grammar/spelling rules. If I'm mistaken or missing a regional difference in usage, I apologize in advance.)

I had a little trouble with the structure of the poem. It got difficult for me to determine the pauses and the rhythm of the poem, due to how you have it spaced. Instead of one long line:

Feeling the warm sand caress my feet, hearing the waves make their mark on the shores they beat.

Perhaps you could use quatrains (four-line stanzas) like this:

Feeling the warm sand
Caress my feet,
Hearing the waves make their mark
on the shores they beat.

There were a few places where commas made me pause, but it wasn't quite the right place to pause in keeping with the rhyme scheme.

While I like the rhymes you've created here, there isn't really a regular rhyme scheme, which also affected the rhythm of the poem. For me, the poem would flow a lot better if you stuck to a regular rhyme scheme.

My Rating

3.5 - This is a beautiful poem with great visual language. For me, the structure of the poem could use a little work, but I enjoyed reading this very much.

Thank you for sharing this! Keep on writing!

Sincerely,
spidey
"Invalid Item"

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"Noticing Newbies"

[13+]
"Reviewing @ Writing.Com"

[E]
"Content Rating System (CRS)"

[13+]

229

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#2496660

Review of Farmwork

Review by spidey

Rated: 18+

| (4.0)

Hi there HazelMarie

Welcome to Writing.Com! If you have any questions, feel free to ask!

This is my review for "Farmwork"

Overall Thoughts:

This was so suspenseful! I loved it!!

You've got a gift for description! You do very well in describing tools and equipment to someone who is not familiar with them (like me). I could clearly see and feel everything you were describing. Great job!

I loved when Jack starts thinking about the new preacher. It's such a stark contrast (seemingly) to what he's doing at the time. Nice touch!

Suggestions
These are just suggestions. Feel free to use them or not.
(In reference to any grammar/spelling suggestions these are suggestions made with my understanding of grammar/spelling rules. If I'm mistaken or missing a regional difference in usage, I apologize in advance.)

In the 7th paragraph: but there was little air movement in it’s dark, cave-like interior
I believe "it's" should be

its

In the 10th paragraph: so that it’s crushing force gripped the iron securely.
again, it's should be

its

I know it's not completely avoidable, but you use the word "he," especially to start sentences, an awful lot of times. I think perhaps if you read this aloud, you might find some instances where it is overused and could be replaced with another word or reworded to sound more natural.

What started as really great description made the story drag just a little for me. Describing every single thing Jack did in excruciating detail caused more suspense at first, but later in the story, I had trouble concentrating on the words. For me, it was just a little too much.

At the end, I had to wonder why. Why Marie? It wasn't explained, though perhaps that was intentional - who he chose wasn't important. Perhaps the drudgery of daily life got to him, which would also explain the tedious detail, emphasizing the same point. Still, I thought it was a tad too much detail, and I couldn't help feeling a tad dissatisfied at the end. Just my thoughts.

My Rating

4.0 - This really is an excellent story. For me, there were a few small things that could use some work, but overall I enjoyed it very much!

Thanks for sharing this! Keep on writing!

Sincerely,
spidey
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"Noticing Newbies"

[13+]
"Reviewing @ Writing.Com"

[E]
"Content Rating System (CRS)"

[13+]

230

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#2496640

Review of Shana's Return Flight

Review by spidey

Rated: 18+

| (4.0)

Hi there charactersaver

Welcome to Writing.Com! If you have any questions, feel free to ask!

This is my review for "Shana's Return Flight"

Overall Thoughts:

Intriguing beginning! I couldn't help but to continue reading. I wanted to know what happened next, and what this story was all about.

Your dialogue is realistic, and I loved the argument between Yujik and Shana.

The story was very interesting and unique to me. I've never read anything quite like it, with the fantasy elements of multi-dimensions, spirits, magic and swapping bodies.

Suggestions
These are just suggestions. Feel free to use them or not.
(In reference to any grammar/spelling suggestions these are suggestions made with my understanding of grammar/spelling rules. If I'm mistaken or missing a regional difference in usage, I apologize in advance.)

preferences towards woman in detail
I'm not sure, but it seemed like "woman" should be "women" here

It was a little difficult for me to understand everything, and although you gave an explanation at the end, after the story, I still had a tough time keeping up with everything going on here. It could be that I'm not used to this type of fiction, though. Just wanted to give you my thoughts as a reader. For me, I would have liked just a little more clarification during the story.

I also suggest you put extra spaces between the paragraphs. It makes it much easier to read.

My Rating

4.0 - I did enjoy this story very much, and I hope you'll continue writing.

Sincerely,
spidey
"Invalid Item"

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"Noticing Newbies"

[13+]
"Reviewing @ Writing.Com"

[E]
"Content Rating System (CRS)"

[13+]

231

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#2496609

Review of Darke Universe: Section1: Ch1, Ch2, Ch3

Review by spidey

Rated: 13+

| (4.0)

Hi there ShaneShock

Welcome to Writing.Com! If you have any questions, feel free to ask!

This is my review for "Darke Universe: Section1: Ch1, Ch2, Ch3"

Overall Thoughts:

I really like the opening dialogue. It caught my interest, as I wanted to know what they were talking about, and it also created a comical tone, as well as a conflict.

I also like the characters' names. Darke and Brista are not common names, which creates an adventure/fantasy element, yet the names are easy to pronounce, which makes the story more enjoyable for me.

Good, believable dialogue also makes the story easier to read and visualize.

I think your descriptions are great. You do well in describing the mining facility, the setting, characters, etc., in detail without boring the reader. Well done!

Suggestions
These are just suggestions. Feel free to use them or not.
(In reference to any grammar/spelling suggestions these are suggestions made with my understanding of grammar/spelling rules. If I'm mistaken or missing a regional difference in usage, I apologize in advance.)

My only suggestion (other than to continue writing this intriguing story) is to put spaces in between your paragraphs. It makes it much easier to read that way.

My Rating

4.0 - I really enjoyed this! I hope you continue the story!

Sincerely,
spidey
"Invalid Item"

** Image ID #1301506 Unavailable **
"Noticing Newbies"

[13+]
"Reviewing @ Writing.Com"

[E]
"Content Rating System (CRS)"

[13+]

232

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#2493963

Review of Close To Tears

Review by spidey

Rated: E

| (4.5)

Hi Happy 24th WDC Party ♥

!

This is my review for "Close To Tears"

[E]. This review is given in connection with "Invalid Item"

Overall Thoughts:

I love the contrast in the first two lines. You've presented a quiet image of grass rustling in the wind, yet your speaker comments, "It seems quite loud today." That line creates an interesting conflict at the start of the poem. It caught my interest, and made me want to keep reading.

I loved this line:
Drown deep in him
So simple, yet filled with emotion!

Great form! I loved the free verse style to this poem. It felt like an outpouring of emotion from the speaker. Great choice of form!

Title/Rating/Genres:

Great title!

Your ratings and genres are perfectly chosen for this poem.

Suggestions
These are just suggestions. Feel free to use them or not.

(In reference to any grammar/spelling suggestions these are suggestions made with my understanding of grammar/spelling rules. If I'm mistaken or missing a regional difference in usage, I apologize in advance.)

My only suggestion would be to perhaps add a bit more punctuation in this. I had a difficult time in some spots, determining pauses and flow. I think punctuation can be an effective tool in helping a writer convey those things to the reader. Just my suggestion.

My Rating

4.5 - Wonderful poem! I really enjoyed this, and I can see why you won in a poetry contest with this!

Great job! Keep writing!

Sincerely,
spidey
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#2493958

Review of The Abyss That Is You

Review by spidey

Rated: 13+

| (4.0)

Hi Happy 24th WDC Party ♥

!

This is my review for "The Abyss That Is You"

[13+]. This review is given in connection with "Invalid Item"

Overall Thoughts:

Such beautiful imagery, starting with the first line! I could see exactly what you described by Eyes blue like the sky on a warm summer's day Stunning!

I love the contrast between that line and the rest of the stanza. It goes from warm imagery, to "dark and cold," "frigid stare" and "frozen dreams." Wonderful contrast! And then it ends on warmth again. Nicely done!

Interesting rhyme scheme. The first two lines don't rhyme, but the last three do. This created an interesting flow to the poem for me.

Title/Rating/Genres:

Love the title! I also loved the intro! Both captured my interest immediately.

Good choice of genres.

I don't see anything to make this rated 13+. I think it could be rated E, but that's up to you.

Suggestions
These are just suggestions. Feel free to use them or not.

(In reference to any grammar/spelling suggestions these are suggestions made with my understanding of grammar/spelling rules. If I'm mistaken or missing a regional difference in usage, I apologize in advance.)

I felt the contrast could have been played upon even more. You have one line of warmth, three lines of coldness, and one line that suggests warmth. For me, I would have liked to see a strong image with the last line like you had for the first. Your last line:
Though his heart she wishes to share
This just didn't pack the same punch as the rest of the poem, and it left me feeling disappointed a little bit. I know you can write strong and powerful imagery, so I think I was just surprised by this last line.

This poem felt a bit unfinished. You've done very well in conveying your message/theme to the reader, but it was done so quickly. I enjoyed your language and imagery in this so much that I really wanted more of it. Perhaps you could consider adding another stanza or two?

My Rating

4.0 - Good poem and good writing! For me, this poem needs a little bit of work to truly shine, but I think you're a great poet! You have a talent for conveying emotion and imagery to the reader.

Thank you for sharing your work. Keep on writing!

Sincerely,
spidey
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#2493938

Review of Love Scars

Review by spidey

Rated: ASR

| (3.5)

Hi Happy 24th WDC Party ♥

!

This is my review for "Love Scars"

[ASR]. This review is given in connection with "Invalid Item"

Overall Thoughts:

I like the idea of this, that love can hurt, but true love shouldn't. Very interesting concept!

I like the irregular form of this and the converstional tone of the poem. It's like a private conversation between two former lovers, and the reader gets a glimpse of the emotions running between the two. Nicely done!

My favorite line:
We scraped and clawed at one another, words revealing our deepest fears,
This kind of language really strengthened the poem in my eyes, and made the themes and visuals stand out while I was reading it.

Title/Rating/Genres:

Great title and the intro let me know this was written for a contest.

Great choice of genres, and your ratings are perfect.

Suggestions
These are just suggestions. Feel free to use them or not.

(In reference to any grammar/spelling suggestions these are suggestions made with my understanding of grammar/spelling rules. If I'm mistaken or missing a regional difference in usage, I apologize in advance.)

To me, this poem was a little uneven, and perhaps that was your intention. It starts off with simple, straightforward language, like
When I met you, I fell so hard.
You wanted love, as I did too.

and then the imagery gets so much stronger, with more emotion and passion:
We scraped and clawed at one another, words revealing our deepest fears,
So desperate for the love yet, too afraid to be sincere.

For me, the second two lines worked so much better at conveying the emotion and feeling of the speaker. I'm not sure if it was your intention to shift the tone a bit, but it didn't work well for me. I would have liked to see the intensity of those second two lines throughout the poem.

I also felt the poem could have been just a little longer. I felt like just as I was getting to understand the characters and voices in this, it ended. For me, I would have liked to see at least one more stanza. Just a suggestion.

My Rating

3.5 - Good work! For me, this poem seemed a tad inconsistent (though I'm not sure if that was intentional or not), and it could have been a little longer, but I did enjoy reading it very much. Thank you for sharing your work!

Keep on writing!

Sincerely,
spidey
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#2493907

Review of Shimmy and Roscoe

Review by spidey

Rated: E

| (4.0)

Hi Happy 24th WDC Party ♥

!

This is my review for "Shimmy and Roscoe"

[E]. This review is given in connection with "Invalid Item"

Overall Thoughts:

I love the contrast in this, of comedy vs horror. The whole story has a bit of a creepy feel to it, with the darkness and blustery winds, yet the main character is having a one-sided conversation with her dog, which lends a comical tone to the entire piece. It made it really fun to read, and I had an instant connection with Shimmy and Rosoe.

Very interesting character names! They're unique and different, yet familiar enough to make them easy to read.

This story is very well-written, with good grammar and lots of visual details. I think you do well in engaging your reader with this. Everything is explained well, without being overdone, and the friendly tone to this really helps the reader connect with the story. Well done!

Title/Rating/Genres:

Great title! It made me click on this item in your port, because I wanted to know what this story was about.

Ratings and genres are perfect! You could use the Animal genre if you wanted, too.

Suggestions
These are just suggestions. Feel free to use them or not.

(In reference to any grammar/spelling suggestions these are suggestions made with my understanding of grammar/spelling rules. If I'm mistaken or missing a regional difference in usage, I apologize in advance.)

This feels incomplete. According to your intro, you wrote this for a writing prompt challenge, but you also have this listed as "Short Story." For me, it just didn't feel like a complete story. This is a great beginning, one that captures the reader's interest immediately and engages the reader throughout. For me, though, it just didn't feel finished.

My Rating

4.0 - Good work! I'd love if you continued with this story, as I can't help but wonder what's going to happen next!

Thank you for sharing this! Keep on writing!

Sincerely,
spidey
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#2493885

Review of Captive

Review by spidey

Rated: 13+

| (4.5)

Hi Happy 24th WDC Party ♥

!

This is my review for "Captive"

[13+]. This review is being given in connection with "Invalid Item"

Overall Thoughts:

This is so beautiful! I'm amazed at what you've done with three short lines! This conveys so much emotion. I loved it!

I think this poem truly shows that you can convey a great deal of emotion and passion in very little words, as long as those words are chosen carefully, like you have done here. I loved the use of the word "watch" in the second line. In this line, the word is being used to reference keeping watch, or observing, though the poem deals with time, so I liked that reference here.

I like the minimal use of punctuation. It really affects the poem, by emphasizing the simplicity of this. For me, the poem really showcases the range of emotion. On the surface, it can seem very simple (like this short poem), yet there is such a range of complexity involved with the emotion you've described here. Very well done!

Title/Rating/Genres:

Great title and description!

I didn't see anything that required this to be rated 13+. I think the rating could be lower, but that's your call.

Great choice of genres!

Suggestions
These are just suggestions. Feel free to use them or not.

(In reference to any grammar/spelling suggestions these are suggestions made with my understanding of grammar/spelling rules. If I'm mistaken or missing a regional difference in usage, I apologize in advance.)

Drowning in loves painful watch
I think "loves" requires an apostrophe

love's painful watch

My Rating

4.5 - Wonderful job with this poem! I truly enjoyed this.

Thank you for sharing your work! Keep on writing!

Sincerely,
spidey
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#2492888

Review of Do you believe in ghosts?

Review by spidey

Rated: E

| (3.5)

Hi Illyria

!

This is my review for " Do you believe in ghosts?"

[E]. I found this poem while viewing the public reviewing page. Another review of the item sparked my interest, so I thought I'd check it out. I'm very glad I did!

Overall Thoughts:

This is a great topic that I think almost everyone has an opinion on. Great universal topic!

I like how you set up your question, by giving your own thoughts on the subject. I like that you explain a bit how you come up with the terms "believer" and "deceiver."

Your use of WritingML makes the question stand out to the reader. Good job!

Mostly good choices. I like that you include, "I've seen something, but I don't think it was a ghost." I think you cover all possible choices.

Title/Rating/Genres:

Great title! It's descriptive and telling of what's inside.

Your ratings and genres are well-chosen for the topic.

Suggestions
These are just suggestions. Feel free to use them or not.

(In reference to any grammar/spelling suggestions these are suggestions made with my understanding of grammar/spelling rules. If I'm mistaken or missing a regional difference in usage, I apologize in advance.)

something more then death.
then should be

than

I got a little confused with the poll options. I wasn't sure the difference between "Yes, I believe!" and "Yes, I am a believer!" I don't believe you've distinguished that difference in your opening and question.

Also, I'm not so sure witches and ghosts can be easily lumped together like this. By witches, do you mean the classical sense or Wiccans? Are you asking if viewers believe magic is real? For me, magic and ghosts aren't quite the same thing. In the end, it's up to you, of course, but I wanted to let you know that I had a little bit of trouble with these two concepts being combined in one poll.

My Rating

3.5 - A nice poll. I enjoyed this! Thanks for creating this poll.

Sincerely,
spidey
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#2492264

Review of The Talent Pond Group Items

Review by spidey

Rated: E

| (5.0)

Hi John Wick invites you 2324582

!

This is my review for "The Talent Pond Group Items"

[E].

Overall Thoughts:

Wonderful set-up for this folder! I like the simple header, and the links to the monthly "catches." Like your forums, this is viewer-friendly and easy to navigate. Great job!

Every item in this folder is just perfect! You've put a lot of work and effort into this group, and it shows! Thank you for letting me be a part of it for a short time! I'm so glad I was "caught!"

I love the Talent Pond logo on this folder! It's creative and beautiful!

Title/Rating/Genres:

Title, ratings and genres are all perfectly suited for this folder. Well done!

My Rating

5.0 - Absolutely perfect!

Sincerely,
spidey
"Invalid Item"

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#2492227

Review of Are you giving quality reviews?

Review by spidey

Rated: E

| (5.0)

Hi John Wick invites you 2324582

!

This is my review for "Are you giving quality reviews?"

[E]. I've emailed most of my thoughts on this piece, but I wanted to publicly review it and give it some shiny stars.

Overall Thoughts:

I think you're a whiz at formatting and using WritingML to make items viewer-friendly. Although this offers a big chunk of information, you present it in a way that's easy to follow and holds the interest of your reader.

You link so many other useful items here! There were few that I wasn't aware of, so thank you!

I couldn't agree more with your statements in this (particularly: Reading is an important part of growing as an author.) I know that I've learned SO much as a writer being a part of this community (even more than I did in college, I think). Reviewing is really an invaluable part of this site!

I like that you also offer this item as "your thoughts on reviewing." Like all things, there are many valid opinions on writing, and you're not presenting this as "truth" or something like that. These are your thoughts based on your experiences with reviewing. That's the viewer-friendly aspect again! Reviewing can be a daunting thing for newer (or older) members, and I think you do well in presenting reviewing in a friendly, helpful way.

Title/Rating/Genres:

I like the title! It engages the reader and catches their interest.

Good choice of ratings and genres. (If you wanted to, you could also use Writing.com as a genre, though your choices fit very well)

Suggestions
These are just suggestions. Feel free to use them or not.

(In reference to any grammar/spelling suggestions these are suggestions made with my understanding of grammar/spelling rules. If I'm mistaken or missing a regional difference in usage, I apologize in advance.)

My only suggestion would be to add to this over time. As you learn more about reviewing and as your style may change, reflect upon that in your item. I know in my three years here, my reviewing style and thoughts upon reviewing have changed slightly, and I think it's good to think about that change.

My Rating

5.0 - Wonderful piece on reviewing! I think everyone can benefit from reading this!

Sincerely,
spidey
"Invalid Item"

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#2489690

Review of Once Upon A Zombie Story

Review by spidey

Rated: 18+

| (4.0)

Hi Ailannah Mathis

!

This is my review for "Once Upon A Zombie Story"

[18+]. I found this item at "Please Review"

. With a title like this, I just had to read it!

Overall Thoughts:

I love the opening line! You set up the story so well here. The word "Mission" implies some kind of military operation, and "violet orbs" suggests an "other world" kind of feel.

I love the bits of humor in this, too.
The reincarnated flesh-craving deviants had risen from the grave with the sole intent to make her day worse.
Calling the zombies "deviant" is a nice touch, too!

Vladimir the Short.

This made me giggle!

Great dialogue! Every word was believable, and I loved the interaction between the characters.

You also did a good job with characterization. I had a clear vision of each character and their personality.

Title/Rating/Genres:

I think the violence in this exceeds a moderate level, therefore it should be rated 18+. Also, your intro rating can be E (you have it marked as Non-E currently).

Love the title!

Good choice of genres, though with the inclusion of zombies, you could also use "Supernatural," I think.

Suggestions
These are just suggestions. Feel free to use them or not.

(In reference to any grammar/spelling suggestions these are suggestions made with my understanding of grammar/spelling rules. If I'm mistaken or missing a regional difference in usage, I apologize in advance.)

Brushing a curl of blood out of her eyes,
Is "blood" really the word you meant here? I had a tough time visualizing this. (As I read later in the story, she has red hair. Is that what you meant? For me, this would have worked a little better if you had written something like, "Brushing a curl the color of blood out of her eyes.")

Sighing, she glanced at her eyes.
This seemed a bit awkward to me. Is she looking in a mirror? You may want to clarify this a little.

They're just not scared of use yet."
I think this might be a typo, "use" instead of "us"

There are a few places where you need a space in between paragraphs, like in after "Cap'n. The recruits are here.", and between that paragraph and the next.

Is this a finished story? For me, it felt like it just started when you ended it. I absolutely love what you have here so far, so I just wanted more by the end. I do hope you continue the story.

My Rating

4.0 - Great start! You've got a talent for description and detail. I really enjoyed this, though it felt a bit incomplete to me. I hope that you'll continue this as part of a larger work, a series or novel, perhaps.

Thank you for sharing your work. Keep on writing!

Sincerely,
spidey
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#2489637

Review of Cessation

Review by spidey

Rated: ASR

| (4.0)

Hi there Violet

Welcome to Writing.Com! If you have any questions, feel free to ask!

This is my review for "Cessation"

Overall Thoughts:

Wow, beautiful language! I really loved this phrase:
for month of Sundays
That simple phrase says so much! I love that I don't quite understand everything that is said here. I like poetry that takes a couple readings to really get the feel to it. Nicely done!

Great use of WritingML! I love the colors. They fit perfectly with the poem.

I also like the lack of punctuation. In most cases, I think it's needed, but in this poem, it works very well to focus the reader's attention on the words in the poem.

Suggestions
These are just suggestions. Feel free to use them or not.

slips away threw division
I believe "threw" should be "through," but this may be a regional spelling. If it is, keep it the way that it is.

My only suggestion would be to add more. I really loved this, and I felt myself saddened by its abrupt end. Perhaps you could consider adding a few more lines?

My Rating

4.0 - Great job with this! I truly enjoyed it! Thanks for sharing your work.

Keep on writing!

Sincerely,
spidey
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#2489630

Review of My Virgo

Review by spidey

Rated: E

| (4.0)

Hi there Amanda

Welcome to Writing.Com! If you have any questions, feel free to ask!

This is my review for "My Virgo"

.

Overall Thoughts:

Beautiful and striking imagery here!

Great use of alliteration! The repeating sounds worked really well to affect the flow and sound of the poem. I particularly liked these lines:
Lost in lust and longing

I also like your use of punctuation in this. For me, it helped me know where to pause and which words had more emphasis.

Suggestions
These are just suggestions. Feel free to use them or not.

As the kiss of heaven's diamonds shimmers
For me, having an "s" sound on the end of three consecutive words made me pause while reading. "heaven's diamonds shimmers" is difficult to say without effort. You might want to consider revising this line. It's ultimately up to you, the writer, but I wanted to let you know that I had a little trouble with this line.

A kiss poke words of
I wasn't sure if you meant "a kiss spoke words of" here, as that made more sense to me. I thought it might be a typo.

I like the title, but the description gets cut off (probably due to the character limit. For me, it would be stronger if it was shorter and a complete phrase. Just a suggestion.

My Rating

4.0 - Good poem! I really enjoyed this! Thank you for sharing it.

Keep on writing!

Sincerely,
spidey
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#2486124

Review of Hyperbole

Review by spidey

Rated: 13+

| (5.0)

Hi Davy Kraken

!

This is my review for "Hyperbole"

[13+]. I found this item by browsing the Comedy genre.

Overall Thoughts:

I love that this explains hyperbole in an easy to understand (and entertaining) way. I think many writers can really learn from reading this.

Your writing is clear and to the point, with a great use of puns. I loved these two lines:

Though I state I’m so hungry I'd eat a horse,
Chances are good there won’t be a mane course.

Thanks for also including the definition and pronunciation for hyperbole. Nice touch!

Title/Rating/Genres:

Your title and description fit perfectly. Your genres and ratings are also well-chosen.

Suggestions
These are just suggestions. Feel free to use them or not.

No suggestions. This is perfect!

My Rating

5.0 - Excellent poem illustrating the use of hyperbole. I'll be listing this as one of my picks in next week's Comedy Newsletter.

Thanks for sharing this!

Sincerely,
spidey

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#2484082

Review of Is there Scientific Proof of God?

Review by spidey

Rated: E

| (4.5)

Hi there Basilides

This is my review for "Is there Scientific Proof of God?"

Overall Thoughts:

This is incredibly well-written, and well-presented. Kudos!

Your presentation of this essay is excellent. You introduce your topic immediately and in an interesting way. Your argument and evidence are also presented clearly and factually. I could easily follow the entire essay, and your conclusion made perfect sense.

This is honestly one of the best essays I've read in a long time, regardless of whether or not I agree with its argument.

Suggestions
These are just suggestions. Feel free to use them or not.

thinking itself is one of the least natural things you can do.
I'm not sure I agree with this. I find thinking quite natural, and really, it only serves to promote the survival of humankind. Agreeing or disagreeing with this statement is my subjective response as a reader. As a writer, I wonder if saying this will tend to "insult" or offend your reader unintentionally. Perhaps you could reasonably explain why thinking may not be considered natural?

My Rating

4.5 - Excellent essay! I enjoyed this very much! Thank you for writing it and sharing it with us. Keep on writing!

Sincerely,
spidey

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#2481347

Review of Far Too Many Chemicals.

Review by spidey

Rated: 18+

| (4.5)

Hi there HereIsNoWhy?

Welcome to Writing.Com! If you have any questions, feel free to ask!

This is my review for "Far Too Many Chemicals."

Overall Thoughts:

This poem is brilliant! What I think is missing from a lot of otherwise successful poetry is "voice" and you clearly have this mastered!

I love the prose feel to this poem. It's almost like stream-of-consciousness, like the speaker's thoughts just poured out onto the page/screen. It creates such a personal and emotional feel to this poem.

I also love that there is no strict form to this poem. That could have ruined the effect you've created with the language. I like that some lines are very long, while others are very short. The repetition also works very well.

To be quite honest, there is nothing I didn't like about this poem!

Suggestions
These are just suggestions. Feel free to use them or not.

For starters, I'd suggest changing the description.

From seeing the other ratings on this combined with my own thoughts, your description of "Just tell me how pathetic this is" doesn't fit at all! This is a great, powerful, effective poem!

My only other thought would be to keep going with this poem. It could be longer than it is (though not too much longer, or you may risk losing the attention of your readers). I do like it as it is now, but if you wanted to add more, I think you could.

My Rating

4.5 - Excellent poem! I loved this!

Thank you for sharing your work! Keep on writing!

Sincerely,
spidey

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#2481325

Review of Words

Review by spidey

Rated: E

| (3.5)

Hi there WALLEE

Welcome to Writing.Com! If you have any questions, feel free to ask!

This is my review for "Words"

Overall Thoughts:

I love the message in this! It's such a great image, the contrast between the permanent "written word" and the seemingly temporary "spoken word." You've done well in comparing the two.

I love your use of punctuation! It really helped the flow of the poem as I was reading. Well done!

Suggestions
These are just suggestions. Feel free to use them or not.

There seemed to be no regular rhyme scheme here. The first two lines rhyme, then the second pair, then the next three lines rhyme, and there is even one line that doesn't rhyme with any others. For me, the rhyming took away from the poem a little. I would love to see what you can do without rhyming, since you have a clear vision of your message. To me, it seemed like the rhyming held you back a little from what you wanted to say. Just my thoughts.

I think it would benefit this poem to either use a regular rhyme scheme (where the rhyme is uniform throughout the poem), or not use rhyme at all. I think it could work either way.

My Rating

3.5 - I think you have a clear idea of your message, and your use of punctuation is cleverly done to help the reader. I do feel, however, that more attention could be paid to the structure of the poem. Overall, I enjoyed this very much.

Thank you for sharing your work! Keep on writing!

Sincerely,
spidey

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#2481270

Review of Argument

Review by spidey

Rated: E

| (4.0)

Hi there Rheias

Welcome to Writing.Com! If you have any questions, feel free to ask!

This is my review for "Argument"

Overall Thoughts:

This has quite vivid and beautiful imagery! I really liked these two lines:
Seeking for the grey, waving flag,
But finding a knife cold as ice.
They had a nice contrast that I could actually feel as a reader. Nicely done!

I also like the form you've used, with three quatrains (four-line stanzas), but no rhyme. It worked wonderfully in this poem!

I absolutely loved your use of alliteration and assonance in the first two lines.

Raging bull breaking a barrel
Using the "b" sound at the start of three words in one line (alliteration) worked great here! It made the line sound and feel rhythmic to me.

Tasting the ashes of happiness.
The repetition of the vowel sound in the "a" of ashes and happiness (assonance) worked in the same way for me. Great job!

Suggestions
These are just suggestions. Feel free to use them or not.

My only suggestion, if you were planning to edit/re-write this, would be to add just a little more alliteration and/or assonance. What you've done in those first two lines works so well in creating a natural rhythm and appeal to this poem. It would be wise not to overdo this effect, but I think you're poem could benefit from just a touch more.

You may want to rate this poem. Without a rating, the poem will not be displayed on the public viewing pages, so less people will see it. This poem could be rated E, with its intro E, as well.

Also, listing this as Poetry intead of Other will also garner more views, as people browsing poetry on the site will be more likely to see yours if it is listed as such.

My Rating

4.0 - Wonderful job with this poem! I truly enjoyed it!

Thank you for sharing this. Keep on writing!

Sincerely,
spidey

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#2479052

Review of What is a good review to YOU?

Review by spidey

Rated: E

| (5.0)

Hi John Wick invites you 2324582

,

Very cool poll!

Great use of WritingML, and I like that you explain your question and answers (instead of just asking a simple question).

The poll is also presented in a very friendly manner, inviting each viewer to participate for informatative purposes.

I notice that you say in the poll that you have lots of views, yet not many votes. If I may offer my two cents...

It was really hard for me to choose between the options. It's hard to pick the best answer that applies to me, and in the end, I chose "I'll email my response, it's not covered here." I think people are having a tough time picking one, though I don't think that's a bad thing! I think that shows that you've covered a number of the most thought of responses.

Perhaps if you add that a few answers may apply, but voters should choose the option that they most agree with.

And onto my own response:

For me, the keyword for a good review would be "constructive." Whether it's pointing out the good or bad in my work, I want feedback that will actually help me in my writing. If I hear, "this is good," it doesn't quite help me. I want to know what in particular was good. I don't mind reviewers pointing out errors and what they didn't like, but when I get a review of "There were mistakes," that doesn't help, too. I'd like to know where the mistakes are, what didn't quite work for that reader, etc.

If I had to choose one of your options (without the "email me" choice), I'd pick "Rating doesn't matter, give me true critique!"

I rarely look at the stars given to me, nor do I look at the average rating of an item I'm reading/reviewing to influence my opinion of the piece.

I think this is a great poll, and everyone on this site should take a look at it!

Those of you viewing the Public Review Page: Why not take a look at this poll on Reviewing?

spidey

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#2477861

Review of Early Morning Sun

Review by spidey

Rated: E

| (4.0)

Hi there Hezza

Welcome to Writing.Com! If you have any questions, feel free to ask!

This is my review for "Early Morning Sun"

General Thoughts:

A very strong and emotional poem! I enjoyed this!

Strengths

I enjoyed the repetition from each stanza to the next. It really helped hold the poem together, as well as moving it forward. Nicely done!

So much emotion in this! You do very well in describing the scene. I could see and feel everything being described very clearly.

I also like your use of punctuation. It effectively influenced the flow of the poem while I was reading. Good job!

Grammar/Spelling
(These are suggestions with regard to my understanding of grammar/spelling rules. If I'm mistaken or missing a regional difference in usage, I apologize in advance.)

I found no errors.

Title/Rating/Genres:

Beautiful title, and the description explained the theme of the poem. (For me, you could have shortened the description a little, perhaps even just "fear of a loved one dying," since the reader can cleary understand what happens. With the description as it is now, you're giving away the details before the reader gets through the poem) It's totally up to you, the writer, but I thought I'd let you know how I felt about the description.

Your ratings and genres seem accurate. You could even use "Drama" as a genre if you wished.

Suggestions
These are just suggestions. Feel free to use them or not.

While I enjoyed the repetition in each stanza, by the end it almost felt like it was too much. I kept anticipating the repetition and it took me out of the poem a bit, emotionally. Read the poem aloud to yourself and see if you feel the same thing (it could just be me and my reaction to the repetition). I'm not saying you need to change the repetition to make this poem work, but for me, using just one repetition of the key words would have worked a little better, instead of using the key words three times in each stanza. Just my suggestion.

My Rating

4.0 - Beautiful, emotional poem! I really enjoyed reading this! Thank you for sharing it, and please keep writing!

Sincerely,
spidey

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#2476210

Review of Fury

Review by spidey

Rated: ASR

| (4.5)

Hi Portia

!

This is my review for "Fury"

[ASR].

General Thoughts:

Wow, what a powerful poem!

Strengths

Your language in this poem is quite strong and very effective at conveying the theme to the reader. I particularly liked this line:

And kept to feed her avaricious pride.

Very good word choices!

I must applaud your use of iambic pentameter! I've tried to write using that meter so many times, and it never comes out right. Yours is perfect in this! It creates a natural-sounding rhythm to each line, not forced or obvious in any way. Incredible!

The rhyme scheme really helped in my reading of this poem. It created a definite rhythm to the entire poem, and made it very enjoyable to read.

Grammar/Spelling
(These are suggestions with regard to my understanding of grammar/spelling rules. If I'm mistaken or missing a regional difference in usage, I apologize in advance.)

So long been kept inside it’s iron cage.
"It's" does not need the apostrophe (as it is not a contraction of the phrase "it is" but rather showing possession

its iron cage

Title/Rating/Genres:

The title is perfect, and your description lets me know this is written in iambic pentameter, as well as conveying your intended themes (which come through very well).

Your rating is accurate, and the genre choices are perfectly fitting!

Suggestions
These are just suggestions. Feel free to use them or not.

My only suggestion deals with the form of the poem. For me, I would have liked to see some stanza breaks, whether it be between individual couplets, or quatrains. The one block of text, I think, detracted from the form a bit. It also made the poem seem on the short side. I don't think the poem needs additional lines, though I feel it could be more aesthetically pleasing to the reader's eye. Just my suggestion.

My Rating

4.5 - Very well done! You have a gift for meter, it seems. Thanks for sharing this!

Keep on writing!

Sincerely,
spidey

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