spidey's (spidergirl) Reviews

spidey

Review Requests: ON

1,195 Public Reviews Given

1,627 Total Reviews Given

Review Style

I attempt a well-rounded review where I look at the item from a writer's and reader's perspective. I'll tell you what I liked and what I think could be strengthened. I like to think I'm a courteous and helpful reviewer.

I'm good at...

attention to detail. If there's a typo, I'll find it!

Favorite Genres

Sci-Fi, Horror, Mystery, Thriller, Drama, Satire, and more

Least Favorite Genres

Romance, Religion, Sports

Favorite Item Types

Short Stories, Poetry, Essays

Least Favorite Item Types

Novels (I just don't have that much time)

I will not review...

There is very little I won't review. Try me!

151

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14 days may be credited.

#2944454

Review of Christmas Songs

Review by spidey

Rated: E

| (4.5)

What a great quiz!! I consider myself pretty well-versed in Christmas songs. I spend a lot of time listening to them, anyway... I got 11 out of 15 songs correct which isn't bad at all!

You have a great mix of questions here, difficult with not-so-difficult, and all made me sing a little to myself.

My only suggestion, if pressed to come up with one, would be to add a little more festive WritingML or perhaps an image or two. Really, the quiz is fine as it is, though.

Thanks for the fun, and Happy Holidays!

~ spidey

152

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14 days may be credited.

#2942746

Review of On Being Thankful

Review by spidey

Rated: 13+

| (4.5)

Hi JudyB

I am reviewing your story as a judge for "Quotation Inspiration: Official Contest" . Thanks for entering!

Please remember that you should NOT edit your entry until judging is over and the winners have been announced as per the contest rules.

Overall Thoughts

Wow, what a touching, heartfelt essay! I commend your bravery and your positive outlook. It is truly something to be admired, and I think your heroic example could be an inspiration to many.

I like the bit of history included here, how you grew up and such. It really helps personalize this essay.

Suggestions
These are just my thoughts. Feel free to use or disregard these as you see fit.

unlike so many who leave their homes in the morning, only to have their life snuffed instantly in a car accident or from a heart attack.
I believe "life" should be "lives" here.

Just a little thing - rather than "Contest" as a genre, I think "Contest Entry" would fit a little better.

My only other concern with this piece is that it reads more like an essay, rather than the "non-fiction story" the contest requires for a successful entry. I do think this essay could easily be turned into a story for readers to learn about your experience, your strength, and your positive thinking.

My Rating

4.5 - An excellent essay! Thanks for sharing.

Sincerely,
spidey

153

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14 days may be credited.

#2942537

Review of Balancing Act

Review by spidey

Rated: 13+

| (5.0)

Hi Just an Ordinary Boo!

I am reviewing your story as a judge for "Quotation Inspiration: Official Contest" . Thanks for entering!

Please remember that you should NOT edit your entry until judging is over and the winners have been announced as per the contest rules.

Overall Thoughts

This is an excellent story which illustrates the prompt perfectly. I truly enjoyed reading this.

I like that this is told in a successful story format. I liked the use of inner dialogue, with different fonts for each voice, and I enjoyed use of words like "Splish" and Splosh" to help create a certain tone.

I love that this story has a positive message in the end. Though the narrator (you) struggles, there is a positive conclusion.

Suggestions
These are just my thoughts. Feel free to use or disregard these as you see fit.

Footsteps thudded in the corridor outside and although I would have cowered in instinctive fear in the past; today I relaxed, logged out and stood up.
I think the semi-colon should be a comma instead.

They allowed themselves to be led off for what I called ‘quiet time’.
The period should be inside the quotation mark

"quiet time."

My Rating

5.0 - An excellent piece! Thank you for sharing this!

Sincerely,
spidey

154

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14 days may be credited.

#2937964

Review of The Last Show

Review by spidey

Rated: E

| (4.0)

Hi hagantx

I am reviewing your story as a judge for "Quotation Inspiration: Official Contest" . Thanks for entering!

Please remember that you should NOT edit your entry until judging is over and the winners have been announced as per the contest rules.

Overall Thoughts

What a good story! I liked how personal this felt, yet I could totally relate to it. See, I'm a music fan who passionately supports local bands and musicians. I would have been one of those one hundred people there at that last performance.

It was great for me to see what it's like from the other side of the experience. I think you did a great job of explaining how it felt for you and the rest of your band as you performed on stage for the last time together.

I think this one paragraph summed it all up perfectly:
There may have been some missed notes, some erroneous cymbals hit, and an off-pitch vocal or two, but no one noticed. The live show was what we lived for, and this was our last one.

I like how you combine the story of the last performance with some background information on each of the members and then information on what became of them after that last show, as well. It made it feel more complete to me. Without all that extra information, I would have been left wondering. Good choice!

Suggestions
These are just my thoughts. Feel free to use or disregard these as you see fit.

The lights over the crowd lowered, and soon all that we could see were the bright lights that display
You have the word "lights" twice here in one sentence. It's up to you, of course, but I'd suggest considering using another word for one of them.

The show was on a side stage in front of one-hundred people.
I believe the dash in "one-hundred" isn't needed.

My Rating

4.0 - A good story! I could certainly relate to this. Thanks for sharing!

Sincerely,
spidey

155

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#2937961

Review of A Stretch of Hard Weather

Review by spidey

Rated: 13+

| (4.5)

Hi katwoman45

I am reviewing your story as a judge for "Quotation Inspiration: Official Contest" . Thanks for entering!

Please remember that you should NOT edit your entry until judging is over and the winners have been announced as per the contest rules.

Overall Thoughts

This "story" has the simultaneous effect of feeling very personal, yet something to which many, I think, can relate. I know I can, as I've had my own bouts with panic and anxiety. You've captured it very well. Although the experience(s) are quite personal to you, I can see a little of my own experience in this, too.

This is very well written. Several times I had to slow my reading down, to look closely at the writing in order to review it. I kept wanting to just read for enjoyment.

I also found your writing to be colorful and descriptive, which I think helps the reader connect with your experience and emotions through the story. I particularly liked phrases like "a future that looked to be as smooth as glass-topped lake without a ripple or the ever-expanding rings of some unexpected happening."

I also like how you connect this with weather and seasons. That brought a nice image to my mind while I read through this.

Suggestions
These are just my thoughts. Feel free to use or disregard these as you see fit.

My only suggestion would be to direct this more toward a "story" feel, as that was the requirement for the contest. To me, it read a little more like a personal essay than a story, though not enough to break the requirement of the contest. It didn't exactly have a clear beginning, middle and end (in my opinion), but I can see where it would fit a story form.

My Rating

4.5 - An excellent entry! I loved that this felt personal, yet I think many can relate to it. I hope it helps your readers to know what you went through. I enjoyed this very much. Thanks for sharing!

Sincerely,
spidey

156

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14 days may be credited.

#2937957

Review of "FREEDOM"

Review by spidey

Rated: 13+

| (4.0)

Hi Oldwarrior

I am reviewing your story as a judge for "Quotation Inspiration: Official Contest" . Thanks for entering!

Please remember that you should NOT edit your entry until judging is over and the winners have been announced as per the contest rules.

Overall Thoughts

This is a very touching re-telling of real events. I felt drawn into this immediately, and what kept me focused on what happened was the personal way in which you tell your story. Very well done!

I particularly liked the "human" touches you put into the story. While a good bit of the story is matter-of-fact reporting of events, there were moments that brought a human element into it. For instance:

At one point (yes - just like in the movies)

This helped reinforce that this was something that happened to you; it helped make this more personal.

You did well to incorporate the prompt into this, and I like how it ends. It is summed up well with what you gained through the experience.

Suggestions
These are just my thoughts. Feel free to use or disregard these as you see fit.

and McDonald’s and Burger King was on every corner.
You have an extra space after "McDonald's"
I believe "was" should be

were

To our surprise, a number of strong men begin to beat them severely with bamboo poles.
"begin" should be

began

and my grandmothers piercing blue eyes.
"grandmothers" needs an apostrophe

grandmother's

I also thought of my baby son lying safely in bed at home, warm, well fed, loved and above all - safe.
I believe "well fed" should be

well-fed

A great title, but I'm not sure you need it in quotes nor all capital letters. It's up to you, of course, but I believe it's unnecessary.

My Rating

4.0 - An excellent non-fiction piece that illustrates the prompt quite well. I enjoyed reading this, and I thank you for sharing it with me.

Sincerely,
spidey

157

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#2937953

Review of I am thankful for

Review by spidey

Rated: 13+

| (3.5)

Hi Shaylah

I am reviewing your story as a judge for "Quotation Inspiration: Official Contest" . Thanks for entering!

Please remember that you should NOT edit your entry until judging is over and the winners have been announced as per the contest rules.

Overall Thoughts

A touching, thrilling story. This really reached out to me. I could definitely feel Selina's fear in this, and her love for Alexander. It was a courageous thing she did and for the best.

I sincerely hope this story will help other people in similar situations have the courage to seek safety for themselves and anyone else in trouble.

Your writing comes across quite clearly. The story builds well and I found it gripping by the end - I couldn't wait to get to the end to see what happened, and I was very happy Selina and Alexander got out safely.

Suggestions
These are just my thoughts. Feel free to use or disregard these as you see fit.

You have several instances of two main clauses combined with a comma, which is a "comma splice." Here is one example:

It was not her idea to be here, she was made to come by a friend.

To correct this, you have a few choices:

1. Make the clauses into separate sentences:
It was not her idea to be here. She was made to come by a friend.

2. Use a semicolon:
It was not her idea to be here; she was made to come by a friend.

3. Use a comma and coordinating conjunction:
It was not her idea to be here, for she was made to come by a friend.

4. Subordinate one main clause to the other:
Because she was made to come by a friend, it was not her idea to be here.

Look for other instances in your writing where you have two or more main clauses (phrases that can stand alone as a sentence), and correct these grammatical errors by using one of the methods listed above.

This sentence didn't quite sound right to me:
That night in all of its horror resurfaced.

I think perhaps it should be: That night all of its horror resurfaced

Numbers of one or two words should be spelled out:
Like so many other holidays over the last 7 years
"7" should be spelled out

seven

The bruises lasted 3 weeks and the headache that he inflicted with his fists lasted four days.
"3" should be spelled out

three
("four" here is correct.)

Passive voice:
He would drink himself into oblivion,
This is totally up to you, but in general, passive voice "would drink" weakens the tone of a piece. Consider, "He drank himself into oblivion" instead. Again, the choice is yours.

Spelling:
may have been the first but it was no where near the last.
"no where" should be combined

nowhere

Punctuation:

unless you want me to kill them too!"
A comma is needed after "them"

them, too!"

My Rating

3.5 - This story is filled with emotion which comes across very well to the reader. For me, the grammatical discrepancies took me out of the piece a bit, so I think it could use a little work to be truly successful. I did enjoy reading this, and I thank you for writing it! I think it will reach and help a lot of people.

Sincerely,
spidey

158

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#2876261

Review of what i learned from death

Review by spidey

Rated: E

| (3.5)

Hi there nikkiabd

Welcome to Writing.Com! If you have any questions, feel free to ask!

This is my review for "what i learned from death"

Overall Thoughts:

A very touching and personal poem. I like that this poem is so personal. It feels very real. (If this is based on personal loss, I'd like to express my sincerest sympathy.)

I like the focus of this poem, learning and growing from pain and loss. Although the speaker has experienced a great loss, the speaker focuses on life moving on and what s/he has learned from the experience.

Suggestions
These are just suggestions. Feel free to use them or not.
(In reference to any grammar/spelling suggestions these are suggestions made with my understanding of grammar/spelling rules. If I'm mistaken or missing a regional difference in usage, I apologize in advance.)

In the intro:
i wrote shortly after my brothers death
"brothers" needs an apostrophe

brother's
I'd also suggest capitalizing the "I." That's optional, though, and totally up to you.

hate in my heart for to long
"to" should be

too

My only other suggestion would be to perhaps add more emotion to the poem, and perhaps focus on the feelings of the speaker. Specifically, you can identify the changes in feelings from sorrow to growth. What you have in the poem is what the speaker learns, but I'm also interested in the speaker's feelings as s/he learned those things. Just my thoughts.

My Rating

3.5 - Thanks so much for sharing your work! I enjoyed reading this.

Sincerely,

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159

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#2876193

Review of What is Erotica?

Review by spidey

Rated: 18+

| (4.5)

Very interesting poll!

The thing I love about older polls is that you get a pretty good idea of the general consensus on a topic. This one's just over 6 years old with 754 votes. That's impressive!

You set up the question well and provide an adequate number of varied responses.

It appears that I've already voted in this previously. I don't remember my exact vote, but I'm guessing I would have agreed with the majority - that it depends on how the author writes it.

One little grammatical thing:
So, my question is as follows; Can erotica be considered art?
I think the semi-colon should be a colon instead.

Nice poll, and a pretty successful one, I'd say!

~ spidey

160

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#2875722

Review of Smile for Me

Review by spidey

Rated: 13+

| (4.0)

Hi Little Cricket

I am reviewing your story as a judge for "Quotation Inspiration: Official Contest" . Thanks for entering!

Please remember that you should NOT edit your entry until judging is over and the winners have been announced as per the contest rules.

Overall Thoughts

What a touching story! For a short story, this one is packed! You pull the reader in immediately. I was kept glued to the story until the end. Gripping!

Good dialogue! I found the dialogue between the two girls to be very believable and real-sounding.

I loved the end! It was perfect. It was a bit open to interpretation, but I think that fit very well here. Good job!

Suggestions
These are just my thoughts. Feel free to use or disregard these as you see fit.

My mom worked for three years saving money for me to go," She grinned, "They're real snobby."
I think the comma after "go" should be a period.

She concentraited on the cracked cement instead.
I think "concentraited" should be

concentrated

Although one of the things I liked best about this story is how much it does with so little words, I do feel you could add a bit more to this story. With just a little more detail, you could really make the reader identify with Brandi, feel what she feels. Then the story could be even more effective. Just my thoughts.

My Rating

4.0 - Very good writing and an effective story! Thanks for sharing your work!

Sincerely,
spidey

161

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#2875712

Review of That Simple Smile

Review by spidey

Rated: E

| (4.0)

Hi ragefire2000

I am reviewing your story as a judge for "Quotation Inspiration: Official Contest" . Thanks for entering!

Please remember that you should NOT edit your entry until judging is over and the winners have been announced as per the contest rules.

Overall Thoughts

A very touching story that made me smile.

You do very well to set up unique, believable characters in a short amount of time. I particularly liked the mother and her understanding for her daughter.

Great dialogue! For the most part, I found the dialogue to be very believable and fitting. Nicely done!

The beginning of the story immediately pulled me in and made me want to continue reading to find out what happened next. That continued throughout the story as I read. I found it to be rather gripping and it kept my interest well.

Suggestions
These are just my thoughts. Feel free to use or disregard these as you see fit.

“What do you want to be when you grow up?” Katy’s father continued.
To me, this bit of dialogue didn't seem to fit the father's tone & vocabulary. I think he'd say something like, "What are your future plans?" instead. Just my thoughts.

it’s is the same way I still look at you, honey.
I think the word "is" isn't needed here.

I think your writing is excellent here, but for me, the plot could have used a little more conflict. This felt like just a short scene rather than an entire story. Perhaps if there was more before the encounter with the parents, or if there were more of a conflict between the teens and the parents before the resolution at the end. Just my thoughts.

My Rating

4.0 - A nice story that illustrates the prompt well! Thanks for sharing your work!

Sincerely,
spidey

162

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#2873306

Review of The Wonder of a Smile

Review by spidey

Rated: E

| (4.0)

Hi michellekeyes

I am reviewing your story as a judge for "Quotation Inspiration: Official Contest" . Thanks for entering!

Please remember that you should NOT edit your entry until judging is over and the winners have been announced as per the contest rules.

Overall Thoughts

Such a cute and touching scene! I'm sure many can relate to this!

I like how you portrayed the relationship between Amber and her mother. I could tell they were close and had a very loving relationship just by the little details you added. Nicely done!

Very well-written! I found no grammatical errors, which made reading the story a joy! Kudos!

Great ending! It fit perfectly and made me smile!

Suggestions
These are just my thoughts. Feel free to use or disregard these as you see fit.

Although I found the story to be very touching, it seemed to go by too fast for me to really feel connected to it. I didn't have a strong emotional connection to the characters or to the plot of the story, and I think that's because this felt like just a scene and not an entire story. This is just my opinion, of course, but I felt the reader could use a little more background information. I needed something to make these characters a little more real so I could identify with them, feel for them, etc. That would make the story even more touching and impactful. Just my thoughts.

My Rating

4.0 - A good story that illustrates the prompt well! Thanks for sharing your work. I really enjoyed this one!

Sincerely,
spidey

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .

163

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#2869971

Review of Inevitable

Review by spidey

Rated: E

| (4.5)

Hi aralls!

Thanks for your entry in my contest, "Spidey's Weekly Poetry Contest"

[ASR]
This is my review for your entry, "Inevitable"

[E]

Strengths

Great alliteration! Every line contains it, but it's not overdone. It fits perfectly. Great job!

I loved the internal rhyme in the first line:
Desires, dreams drift aside as destiny drives our lives

Good use of punctuation to affect the flow of the poem. I particularly like the last line's punctuation. It greatly affected my reading of the poem. Good choice!

Grammar/Spelling
(These are suggestions with regard to my understanding of grammar/spelling rules. If I'm mistaken or missing a regional difference in usage, I apologize in advance.)

I found no errors.

Title/Rating/Genres

Nice, simple title and intro. I think they do well to bring the reader into the poem.

Your choices of genres and ratings are fitting to the poem, though I'd use "Poetry" rather than "Other" in the item type. It's up to you, though, and "Other" does seem to fit, too, as this isn't exactly a typical poem.

Suggestions
These are just suggestions. Feel free to use them or not.

My only suggestion would be to perhaps add more or go into more depth. I think when I find a poem I really enjoy, my inital reaction is to want more.

My Rating

4.5 - Excellent! I loved this!

Winners will be announced soon. Best of luck, and thank you for your entry!

Sincerely,
spidey

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .

164

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#2869648

Review of The Smile of an Earth Woman

Review by spidey

Rated: 18+

| (3.0)

Hi Prosperous Snow celebrating

I am reviewing your story as a judge for "Quotation Inspiration: Official Contest" . Thanks for entering!

Please remember that you should NOT edit your entry until judging is over and the winners have been announced as per the contest rules.

Overall Thoughts

A cool sci-fi tale! I like that this is other-worldly, yet simple enough for any reader to understand. Great job incorporating sci-fi elements into the story!

I love the premise and the "conflict" of the story! It had me smiling!

Great title! It caught my attention immediately. So did the opening paragraph, actually. I thought it opened the story quite well. Good job!

Suggestions
These are just my thoughts. Feel free to use or disregard these as you see fit.

“Why,” asked Joy going the official greeting area.
It sounds like there might be a word missing here? Perhaps "going to the official greeting area."

I suppose every sentient species has it own unique culture
it

its

The minute Ambassador Forst stepped through the door, Joy moved foreword
foreword

forward

so perhaps that will work in place of a smile.{/}

I think the {/} is supposed to be a closing tag, {/i}. The rest of the story is italicized.

as she took his arm and lead him toward the banquet room.
lead

led

and talk at the some time,
some

same

rather then the one across the table
then

than

“Both are empires would like mining rights
are

our

There are a number of simple grammatical/spelling errors in this. I'd suggest reading it out loud to help identify them when editing. I know the method helps me.

At the start of the story, there are seven greeters, but then only one meets the Ambassador. I was curious as to what happened to the others.

I didn't feel completely satisfied by the end of the story. For me, it didn't have a complete resolution, and I'm not sure the motivation behind the Ambassador's change of mind is clearly apparent to the reader. Perhaps you could explain just a tad more?

Also, I don't think the 18+ rating is needed. I didn't see anything that would put it above 13+.

My Rating

3.0 - An interesting story! I loved the premise and the twist on the prompt, but for me, the story could use a little work to be complete. Thanks for sharing!

Sincerely,
spidey

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .

165

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#2869629

Review of Unfinished Business

Review by spidey

Rated: 13+

| (4.5)

Hi NickiD89

I am reviewing your story as a judge for "Quotation Inspiration: Official Contest" . Thanks for entering!

Please remember that you should NOT edit your entry until judging is over and the winners have been announced as per the contest rules.

Overall Thoughts

Excellent opening paragraph! It caught my attention and drew me in immediately!

Awesome imagery, too. You've given the reader a great deal of detail and description. I could clearly see everything and I followed the story easily. Great job!

A very touching story! I felt emotionally attached to this and to the characters. You've done very well here to pull the reader in and create a good connection. I loved the end!

Great pacing, too. The story flows naturally and reads quite easily from start to finish.

Suggestions
These are just my thoughts. Feel free to use or disregard these as you see fit.

The box was filled with all the letters I have ever written to my parents,
To me, the word "have" seemed not quite right here. I think the word "had" would sound better: all the letters I had ever written.
It's up to you, of course.

He seemed so defenseless lying there I felt guilty at my urge to argue with him
You could use a comma after the word "there." Optional, and totally up to you, of course, but I personally would use a comma there.

I reached for my father’s frail hand,
This line confused me a bit. I understand that Charlene is feeling connected to her father as he is on his deathbed, which might encourage her to reach for his hand. But she's also reliving the horrors he put her through, and she's feeling a lot of anger. I didn't expect for her to reach for his hand immediately, especially when she hasn't read the poem yet. Perhaps if you added some hesitation or confusion on her part. Just my thoughts.

door flew open and my mother rushed in.
What made her rush in? She was exhausted and resting down the hall. Did she hear something? It just seemed unrealistic to me.

I love the end. It's beautiful! However, for it to feel totally complete, I wonder if there should be some sort of reconciliation between Charlene and her mother. She was angry at both parents, not just her father. Perhaps even just a line suggesting a future reconciliation between them?

My Rating

4.5 - An excellent story! Though I did have a few minor confusions, this is really a great story. Thanks for sharing it!

Sincerely,
spidey

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .

166

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#2869564

Review of Viral Smiles

Review by spidey

Rated: ASR

| (4.0)

Hi Molly

I am reviewing your story as a judge for "Quotation Inspiration: Official Contest" . Thanks for entering!

Please remember that you should NOT edit your entry until judging is over and the winners have been announced as per the contest rules.

Overall Thoughts

Interesting take on the prompt! I wasn't quite expecting this, so I found myself pleasantly surprised!

The main character/narrator has a definite & strong voice. It helped me follow along through the story. Well done!

Awesome description with Mr. Grammar! I could easily picture him right away.

Great title! It really drew me in, and I liked that the viral/disease theme was consistent throughout the piece. Nice follow-through!

Suggestions
These are just my thoughts. Feel free to use or disregard these as you see fit.

Smiles, according to an article I read, Viral Smiles, are supposed to be contagious.
To me, this first sentence sounded a tad awkward. Perhaps rewording could clear it up a bit? Something like: "Recently I read an article, Viral Smile, which claimed that smiles are contagious.

I found myself wanting a little more detail while reading. You start off with great description of Mr. Grammar and the old woman customer, but then there is very little description of the police officer and the little boy. I think I expected some more detailed information like what was provided with the other characters.

My Rating

4.0 - A very cute, funny story! This made me smile.

Sincerely,
spidey

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .

167

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#2862761

Review of IMPOSTER: a sonnet--award winner

Review by spidey

Rated: E

| (4.5)

Hi Dr M C Gupta

!

Thanks for your entry in my contest, "Spidey's Weekly Poetry Contest"

[ASR]
This is my review for your entry, "IMPOSTER: a sonnet--award winner"

[E]

Strengths

I admire anyone who attempts the sonnet form! I've tried it a number of times, and I find it very difficult. You've done very well here! Great form!

Great use of the prompt! I could feel the treachery and betrayal here. I like the personal tone to the poem. I think it helps illustrate the betrayal here. Nicely done.

Also, great use of punctuation! It helped me follow along easily and affected the flow of the poem.

Grammar/Spelling
(These are suggestions with regard to my understanding of grammar/spelling rules. If I'm mistaken or missing a regional difference in usage, I apologize in advance.)

You robbed me, playing with me treachery.
This sounded awkward to me. Perhaps playing me with treacher instead? It's up to you, of course.

Title/Rating/Genres

Nice, simple title and intro. Very telling and informative, giving the reader just enough information.

Your ratings and genres are well-chosen and fitting.

Suggestions
These are just suggestions. Feel free to use them or not.

The problem I tend to have with rhyming forms is that the syntax, or order of words, is skewed in order to create rhymes. That's all fine, but it sounds awkward and unnatural to me when reading. This is very subjective, unique to each reader, but for me it ends up sounding a bit forced and not as impacting as it could be. Just my thoughts.

My Rating

4.5 - An excellent sonnet! Thanks for sharing your work!

Winners will be announced soon. Best of luck, and thank you for your entry!

Sincerely,
spidey

168

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14 days may be credited.

#2850535

Review of The Victim Was Me

Review by spidey

Rated: 13+

| (4.5)

Hi warriormom!

Thanks for your entry in my contest, "Spidey's Weekly Poetry Contest"

[ASR]
This is my review for your entry, "The Victim Was Me"

[13+]

Strengths

Wow, this is one powerful poem! I can see this poem empowering abuse victims. I think writing about these kinds of injustices can do wonderful things, although they can feel painful to think about.

Good rhyme scheme! It set up a nice rhythm that I followed through reading. Nicely done!

I like how personal this poem feels, yet at the same time it's not quite so personal. No names are named, just pronouns, which makes it more universal. I think that was a good choice.

Grammar/Spelling
(These are suggestions with regard to my understanding of grammar/spelling rules. If I'm mistaken or missing a regional difference in usage, I apologize in advance.)

I found no errors.

Title/Rating/Genres

Nice title! The intro gives information about the poem's previous win, too.

Your ratings and genres are well-chosen.

Suggestions
These are just suggestions. Feel free to use them or not.

My only suggstion refers to stanza two. "Wrong" and "known" aren't true rhymes, which is fine, but it strays a little from the consistency of the other stanzas. If you wished to remain consistent, you may want to consider revising the stanza.

My Rating

4.5 - An excellent poem! This poem will do much good. Thank you for sharing it!

Winners will be announced soon. Best of luck, and thank you for your entry!

Sincerely,
spidey

169

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14 days may be credited.

#2848575

Review of Addiction

Review by spidey

Rated: E

| (4.0)

Hi Debsy

!

Thanks for your entry in my contest, "Spidey's Weekly Poetry Contest"

[ASR]
This is my review for your entry, "Addiction"

[E]

Poetry Mechanics
Theme:

Addiction. Good use of the prompt! I like that this poem is so broad, that anyone with any type of addiction can relate to this. Good choice!

Imagery:

I love the personification of "addiction" here! It helps create an interesting conflict between the speaker and the addiction. It also helps illustrate the conflict and struggle between them. Well done!

Form:

Unrhyming stanzas. Other than the first two lines, the rest are unrhyming. I like that the poem doesn't rhyme, but those first two lines did throw me off a little. I kept expecting more rhymes.

Tone:

Good tone! I can feel the speaker's struggle with addiction.

Flow:

The poem flows pretty well. Other than the rhyming first lines (which caused me to keep watching for more), the poem reads through easily.

Grammar/Spelling
(These are suggestions with regard to my understanding of grammar/spelling rules. If I'm mistaken or missing a regional difference in usage, I apologize in advance.)

I found no errors.

Title/Rating/Genres

Good title - simple and direct. It lets the reader know the subject immediately. Your intro also gives important information to the reader.

Your ratings and genres are well-chosen.

Suggestions
These are just suggestions. Feel free to use them or not.

You may want to revise and either add more rhyming or remove the rhyme from the first stanza. Starting with lines that rhyme tend to cause the reader to anticipate more rhyming. When the rhyming doesn't continue, it can jar the reader a little.

You also may want to consider adding some punctuation. It can help the reader know where you intended pauses and breaks. Just my thoughts.

My Rating

4.0 - A good poem on addiction, one to which many can relate. Thanks for sharing your work!

Winners will be announced soon. Best of luck, and thank you for your entry!

Sincerely,
spidey

170

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14 days may be credited.

#2848569

Review of The Key To Her Joy

Review by spidey

Rated: 13+ | N/A (Review only item.)

Hi warriormom!

Thanks for your entry in my contest, "Spidey's Weekly Poetry Contest"

[ASR]
This is my review for your entry, "The Key To Her Joy"

[13+]

Rating Change Required. "Cutting" refers to the act of self-injury which infers moderate violence. Your intro must be rated Non-E and the poem should be 13+. Please either edit the poem or rate it accordingly.

Poetry Mechanics
Theme:

The addiction of cutting. I've never read a poem from this point of view before. It's refreshing to see some hope and love presented against the pain of self-abuse.

Imagery:

Great imagery! I loved the repeated image of the key. It really helped emphasize the theme and keep the reader grounded through reading the poem.

Form:

Four-line stanzas. I think the form fits well, though I did keep expecting rhymes for some reason. It could just be that I'm used to seeing rhyme schemes in four line stanzas, but I kept anticipating rhymes that never came.

Tone:

Great tone! Though this is a personal poem, feelings of a mother toward a daughter, I think many can easily understand the feelings and even relate to them. Well done!

Flow:

The poem flows well. It's easy to read through, and I enjoyed it very much.

Grammar/Spelling
(These are suggestions with regard to my understanding of grammar/spelling rules. If I'm mistaken or missing a regional difference in usage, I apologize in advance.)

I found no errors.

Title/Rating/Genres

Great title and intro! They fit perfectly!

Suggestions
These are just suggestions. Feel free to use them or not.

My only suggestion would be to consider revising your form. Again, it may just be me, but when I see four-line stanzas, I can't help anticipating rhymes. I like that your poem doesn't rhyme, so perhaps you could even consider taking out the stanza breaks. Of course, the decision is yours.

My Rating

4.5 - An excellent poem! I truly appreciate your words here. Thanks for sharing!

Winners will be announced after the current round is closed. Best of luck, and thank you for your entry!

Sincerely,
spidey

171

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14 days may be credited.

#2844496

Review of A Hopeless Heart

Review by spidey

Rated: 18+

| (4.5)

Hi Redtowrite

!

Thanks for your entry in my contest, "Spidey's Weekly Poetry Contest"

[ASR]
This is my review for your entry, "A Hopeless Heart"

[18+]

Poetry Mechanics
Theme:

Wow, this is a powerful and striking theme - drug addiction and the dangers of it combined with negative experiences in foster homes. This is a "worst case scenario" theme and it's one that really touches the reader.

Imagery:

Very powerful imagery! I like that this is told from what sounds like a teenager's point of view, so the images are given in his/her words and vernacular.

Form:

Freeverse fits this poem very well! Rhyming would have taken away from the tone of the poem. Good choice!

Tone:

The tone was my favorite aspect of your poem. The speaker's voice comes across quite clearly and effectively. I enjoyed your use of slang to empasize the tone, though I had some question as to the grammar/spelling errors (see below).

Flow:

The poem flows very well. The tone and informal vernacular of the speaker makes the poem feel personal and almost conversational. It's like the speaker is telling his/her story and it reads through quite easily. Nicely done!

Grammar/Spelling
(These are suggestions with regard to my understanding of grammar/spelling rules. If I'm mistaken or missing a regional difference in usage, I apologize in advance.)

I wasn't sure if the grammar errors were intentional. Grammar errors fit the tone, but they may not work for the reader. It's up to you.

for the pipe that ease pain
I think "ease" should be

eases

any booze bottle to get high, smokiin crank
smokiin

smokin

dropped otta school- had to work.
otta

outta

we sold anything that anybody want
guns, id, drugs
Since "sold" is past tense, "want" might sound better as

wanted
also, "guns" and "drugs" are plural, so perhaps "id" should be

IDs

I have a rep and can score drugs.
I am not forgotten.
I belong.
The other "I"s in the poem are lowercase, so you may want to have these lowercase, too, to stay consistent.

Title/Rating/Genres

Good title! I think the third person ("he") in the intro doesn't quite match the same tone as the poem, but it doesn't have to match. It does do well to describe what's going on in the poem.

Your ratings and genres are well-chosen.

Suggestions
These are just suggestions. Feel free to use them or not.

Other than the grammar/spelling suggestions above, I have no other suggestions for improvement. You have a very successful poem here. Well done!

My Rating

4.5 - Great poem! Thanks for entering my contest!

Winners will be announced soon. Best of luck, and thank you for your entry!

Sincerely,
spidey

172

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14 days may be credited.

#2839517

Review of Abyss Of Somberness

Review by spidey

Rated: E

| (4.0)

Hi Dark90

!

Thanks for your entry in my contest, "Spidey's Weekly Poetry Contest"

[ASR]
This is my review for your entry, "Abyss Of Somberness"

[E]

Poetry Mechanics
Theme:

Despair and solitude come pouring forth from the words in this poem. I truly felt its dark depths upon reading.

Imagery:

You do well in presenting dark imagery and feelings of deep despair in this. I like that your lines are direct, almost simple, yet very telling and descriptive. It made the poem easy to read and very effective. Nicely done!

Form:

Blank verse suits the poem well, as my attention was focused on the feelings and images presented, rather than on the rhythm of the words. Good choice!

Tone:

A dark, personal tone is felt strongly through the lines of the poem. You do well in presenting things to which the reader can identify (friends dying, bodies aging), but you also make the poem very personal to the speaker.

Flow:

The poem flows very well and is an enjoyable read. The blank verse, to me, helped make the poem flow easily.

Grammar/Spelling
(These are suggestions with regard to my understanding of grammar/spelling rules. If I'm mistaken or missing a regional difference in usage, I apologize in advance.)

I found no errors.

Title/Rating/Genres

Nice title! It clued me in to what the poem would be about, as did the intro.

Your ratings and genres are appropriate and well-chosen.

Suggestions
These are just suggestions. Feel free to use them or not.

For me, the poem felt almost a little too focused on despair, though I'm sure that was your intention. For me, though, it could be even more effective if you contrasted the images of despair with images of hope and happiness. For instance, comparing the speaker's experience with friends dying to a scene where friends are rejoicing. I think if you introduce a few images of hope, it could even further emphasize the speaker's feelings of despair. Just my thoughts.

My Rating

4.0 - An excellent entry, and a successful poem on the topic of despair! Thanks for sharing your work!

Winners will be announced soon. Best of luck, and thank you for your entry!

Sincerely,
spidey

173

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14 days may be credited.

#2839503

Review of I Listen for Words no Longer Heard

Review by spidey

Rated: E

| (4.0)

Hi Redtowrite

!

Thanks for your entry in my contest, "Spidey's Weekly Poetry Contest"

[ASR]
This is my review for your entry, "I Listen for Words no Longer Heard"

[E]

Poetry Mechanics
Theme:

Ah, writer's block! One to which most of us, sadly, can relate. I think you've done very well here to describe the feeling, and I like that there's also a story behind it, too. Nicely done!

Imagery:

Impressive imagery! I particularly loved this line:

a festival of metaphors

Each stanza of the poem contained great imagery which made the poem a joy to read!

Form:

No strict form that I could see. Most of your stanzas contain five lines (with the first containing six). For me, unrhyming lines worked well here, focusing my attention on the great imagery instead of following a strict rhythm. (I sometimes find rhythms distracting, so I think it was a wise choice for this poem)

Tone:

I could feel a definite, personal tone here. The speaker is describing the emotions that are connected with writer's block in a personal way, but I think in a way, too, that makes it easy for the reader to identify with the speaker and the issue at hand.

Flow:

The poem flows very well, due, I think, to your choice of free or blank verse. For me, it focused my attention on the words themselves and the images they conveyed. Good choice!

Grammar/Spelling
(These are suggestions with regard to my understanding of grammar/spelling rules. If I'm mistaken or missing a regional difference in usage, I apologize in advance.)

travel tear filled pulsing veins
I think "tear filled" should be

tear-filled

Title/Rating/Genres

Great title and intro! They definitely caught my eye and made me want to read the poem.

Your ratings and genres are also very well-chosen.

Suggestions
These are just suggestions. Feel free to use them or not.

I had a difficult time figuring out exactly what happens in this story. The speaker was once prolific in his/her writing, then someone enters their life, and that causes writer's block? I wasn't sure what happened between the two to cause the writer's block. This may just be my oversight, but I got a little confused at the end of the poem. Perhaps you could make it clearer? Just my thoughts.

I had an issue with your use of "you" in the poem. Let me explain. In stanza 4, you have these lines:

Short stories came to life
with characters you'd want to meet.

I took this as the 'universal' you, basically, 'characters anyone would want to meet.'

But then in the next stanza, you start with:

Then you walked into my life,

I took this 'you' as a specific person, the object of the poem, the person the speaker (the 'I' person) is speaking to. That made me wonder if the first 'you' was referring to the same person. Do you see what I mean? I think having these two different (or perhaps the same) 'you's so close together might cause some confusion. You may want to take another look at that part and decide for yourself.

My Rating

4.0 - An excellent poem about writer's block! I love how you made it a personal story about one person, but also a poem with which many can relate. Thanks so much for sharing your work!

Winners will be announced soon. Best of luck, and thank you for your entry!

Sincerely,
spidey

174

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14 days may be credited.

#2839485

Review of A Friend Forever

Review by spidey

Rated: E

| (4.0)

Hi jaya

!

Thanks for your entry in my contest, "Spidey's Weekly Poetry Contest"

[ASR]
This is my review for your entry, "A Friend Forever"

[E]

Poetry Mechanics
Theme:

As your intro states, "the constancy of nature." I liked the comparison of "temporary man-made comforts" vs. the constancy of nature. Nice twist on the prompt!

Imagery:

Beautiful nature imagery! I could definitely see everything being described here. Good job!

Form:

Mostly freeverse, though some rhyming does creep up now and again. For me, freeverse fits with the idea of nature, as nature is wild and untamable (though patterns do emerge upon closer inspection). Perhaps that's what your purpose was with having just a touch of rhyme?

Tone:

I enjoyed the tone, which is from the point of view of a friend of nature. The tone showed adoration and utmost respect for the object of the poem, nature. Nicely done!

Flow:

The poem flows very well for the most part. For me, the brief rhyming disrupted the flow just a little as I searched then for other rhymes. I thought perhaps I was missing a particular form or rhyme scheme.

Grammar/Spelling
(These are suggestions with regard to my understanding of grammar/spelling rules. If I'm mistaken or missing a regional difference in usage, I apologize in advance.)

I saw no errors.

Title/Rating/Genres

Very nice title and intro! I like that you introduce the theme in the intro.

Your ratings and genres are well-chosen.

Suggestions
These are just suggestions. Feel free to use them or not.

My only suggestion would be to perhaps look at your form once more. It's up to you, of course, but I did find myself a little jarred by the irregular form, with some stanzas containing rhyme and others not. If it was your intention to show the wild form of nature reflected in the form of your poem, however, then you succeeded. If not, you may want to look over the form. Just my thoughts as a reader.

My Rating

4.0 - A beautiful dedication to the constancy of nature! I loved it! Thank you for sharing your work!

Winners will be announced soon. Best of luck, and thank you for your entry!

Sincerely,
spidey

175

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14 days may be credited.

#2833318

Review of Summer's Dare

Review by spidey

Rated: ASR

| (4.5)

Hi Reyna Jackson

!

Thanks for your entry in my contest, "Spidey's Weekly Poetry Contest"

[ASR]
This is my review for your entry, "Summer's Dare"

[ASR]

Poetry Mechanics
Theme:

Ah, the joys of summer! I can definitely identify with this one (as I'm sure many can), particularly this past weekend. When temps soar, we're tempted to do nearly anything to relieve the pressing heat. Great theme!

Imagery:

I could feel this poem, which is a great accomplishment for a one stanza haiku! You do what makes a good haiku - create lasting imagery in very few words. Good job!

Form:

Haiku and nature seem to go together so well, don't they? The choice to use a haiku form is a very good one. It suits the theme very well, as both are simplistic yet beautiful.

Tone:

A very soft tone came across in this poem, one that matched the theme quite well. Nicely done!

Flow:

The poem flowed like the gentle summer breeze, making the poem a joy to read!

Grammar/Spelling
(These are suggestions with regard to my understanding of grammar/spelling rules. If I'm mistaken or missing a regional difference in usage, I apologize in advance.)

I found no errors.

Title/Rating/Genres

Great title! I love that it hints at the theme of the poem, but that you don't include the title in the haiku. I think it was a wise choice here.

Your ratings and genres are appropriate. If you wished, you could also use "Experience," "Personal," and/or "Contest Entry" as genres.

Suggestions
These are just suggestions. Feel free to use them or not.

I have a suggestion regarding the last line:

risk skinny-dipping

I know you're under a strict syllable count, but the line felt rushed to me. I'd be hard-pressed to find an alternative for it, but it did jar me just a tiny bit.

I've read haiku poems that contain more than one stanza, and though I like the very simplistic form here, I wonder if the poem could be extended with a few more stanzas? Just a thought.

My Rating

4.5 - Excellent poem and a great entry! Thanks for entering again and for sharing your work!

Winners will be announced after the current round is closed. Best of luck, and thank you for your entry!

Sincerely,
spidey