Hi Maria Mize  !
This is my review for "THE DAY OF RECKONING"  [13+]. I found this story on "Please Review" .
General Thoughts:
An emotional story with a strong message. I think a lot of people, especially parents, can relate to this story.
Strengths
 Great opening paragraph! Longer pieces can seem daunting to me, but your first paragraph pulled me in. Good job!
I love the personal, informal tone to this. Your choice of first-person point-of-view is a good one for this story. It helps pull the reader into the story, directly connecting the reader with the action of the story. Great choice!
Great title! It caught my eye and made me want to find out what this story was all about. I think you've also done well in chosing your genres and ratings. If you wanted, you could also use "Spiritual" or "Religious" as one of your genres, since this has a strong spiritual aspect to it.
Grammar/Spelling
(These are suggestions with regard to my understanding of grammar/spelling rules. If I'm mistaken or missing a regional difference in usage, I apologize in advance.)
Paragraph 8:
In 1997 I was working as a legal secretary for partner in a St. Petersburg law firm,
I think a word may be missing here before "partner." Perhaps:
In 1997 I was working as a legal secretary for a partner in a St. Petersburg law firm
Paragraph 15:
After our separation Sam went on a drinking binge, selling his work truck and tools, he hit rock bottom.
I think the comma after "tools" should be a semi-colon.
Paragraph 15:
He begin to call from jail.
I think "begin" should be  began
Paragraph 15:
He told me he was reading the bible
I believe "bible" should be capitalized. (According to my copy of The Writer's Brief Handbook, holy books are capitalized)
Paragraph 18:
At wits end one night,
I believe "wits" needs an apostrophe wit's
Suggestions
These are just suggestions. Feel free to use them or not. 
This sentence sounded a little awkward to me:
I was exercising when Bobby Rae was in high school, she didn't seem to know how to do jumping jacks.
First, "I was exercising when Bobby Rae was in high school" sounds a bit off to me. It makes it sound like the narrator was exercising the entire time Bobby Rae was in high school. I think you're using the high school reference to tell Bobby Rae's age, but I'm not sure it's necessary. You could say, for instance:
One day when Bobby Rae was older, I was exercising, and she didn't seem to know how to do jumping jacks.
I also think a conjunction (like "and") is needed before the comma in the sentence. Otherwise, it reads like a run-on sentence.
My name is Karen.
It seems odd to me to introduce the narrator's name so late into the story. It's totally up to you, the writer, of course, but it felt a little awkward to me.
Telling this story through hindsight like this seems to take the reader out of the story and the action a bit. This seems like a condensed version of a very complex story. You could even make a novel out of this, focusing with more detail on each aspect of this story.
There are many times where it seems like you are telling the story instead of showing it to the reader. For instance:
At wits end one night, I confronted him and told him he was like a leech, sucking the life out of me. That gave him the excuse he was looking for and the next day he didn’t come home.
Instead of saying, "I confronted him," you could let the reader into the confrontation. Give the dialogue, emotions, physical descriptions of the setting, characters, etc. of this scene. Show this scene to your readers. It could be a very powerful scene, and a turning point in your story.
There is a shift in your point-of-view that really jarred me. It begins with this paragraph:
Bobby Rae was desperate. Her mind was racing. Her rules are too much! I am tired of the imposed curfews, the questions. My friends are sleeping with their boyfriends. Why shouldn’t I? He says he loves me, and I love him. Now, she wants my keys? No way! She gave me the Tracker, and it’s mine. I’ll drive it whenever I want. What am I going to do, where will I go?
Up until this point, you had been using first-person, focusing on Karen and her perspective. This paragraph shifts to Bobby Rae, and it is inconsistent with the rest of the story. You could show these thoughts in a conversation between Bobby Rae and Karen, or you could use a different point-of-view for the entire story. The way it is now, though, is inconsistent and it will confuse your readers.
Also, after this paragraph, you switch to a third-person point-of-view. Instead of using "I" for Karen, you start using "she." Then you switch back to first-person again. It's really important to keep a point-of-view consistent throughout your story.
Your story jumps around in time quite a bit, and it started to get confusing for me. I had a difficult time keeping things straight. At one point, you say Bobby Rae moved out and got an apartment, but then she's living with her mother for a while, then moves out. I'm guessing she only moved out once, but it's unclear to the reader.
 My Rating
2.5 - You've got the basics for a great story here! You have the plot planned out well, but I think it also needs quite a bit of work. You may want to revisit this and slow down the story. Tell each aspect of the story slowly, giving more detail to the reader. Allow the reader to visualize each event and to get to know each character. You start out very well, and I think you've got a great handle on the narrator's voice. I think this could be an intriguing and well-received story (or novel) with a little more work.
Keep on writing!
Sincerely,
spidey
 
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