Description is good, poem carries well but has a error in the first stanza, I think "I" should be "by". Well told and honestly there is some imagery that brings self reflection to the table. Like seeing yourself in a copper mirror, dim, cloudy and far away. Thank you for sharing, and enjoy your day.
Small interesting paragraph, asking a lot of philosophical questions. Gives the reader some time for self reflection to perhaps muse of these questions. I would suggest perhaps editing it into a free verse poem to give it structure and imagery. Something like this as a example.
The sins of a nation come back to haunt them,
Do the sins of a man or woman eventually come back to haunt them?
Men and Women can not escape their sins!
Eventually, it will come back and seek reckoning.
This is all just a suggestion, it is well edited and easy to understand. Thank you for sharing.
Great, I emjoyed this a lot, so quiet a story till she crawled back into bed, What a dream indeed, crazy impact, I almost dropped my coffee. Full five this is just so well done, not too long, not overly descriptive but that lack made the ending spot on.
Goodness 🌖 HuntersMoon This is great, what a well written and difference look at Tec but all true. It's amazing what prompts can ignite at times and this is no exception. Thank you for sharing with me, random review is so helpful.
Very well thought out, Peace. I like the two stanzas that start with Peace, what that may be, why there is none, so much is said. So many things and again well written, Thumbs up! I see no errors for here's a full five, this is really good. staiNed
Random Review. Anointed Awoleye Well written, self reflection imagery, full of spirit, and kindness, questions, and desires. Things change, ourselves included, but time never stops, we all end as we start, star dust. Thank you for sharing, thoughtful and edited.
How creative, I appreciate random review taking me to read it. Love, torn, remembered, not wanted, missed, so much expressed, but not overt romantic. Perhaps into two stanzas might emphasise the feelings I saw. Thanks, Tootles, Writing is great. staiNed
Good Afternoon, Sarah J. Smith Random review link brought me and I gotta say this is well done, the description doesn't give it credit, its simple, expressive, asks and answers some of those romantic questions we find ourselves asking sometimes. The hope of perhaps more. Well edited, I see no punctuation errors. Thanks! staiNed
Good afternoon, An Haiku, good old Japanese. Scotty1615 I know the form, never tried it I believe if my memory is correct, this is good, short, impactful and gives the reader thoughts to ponder on. One short step at a time, don't think about the whole picture only a scene in that picture. Deadlines are something of the same. Some my think we need them for order, and correction, but hinder and overwhelm a deadline can do also.
Lyrics aren't easy to write, as the melody may be different to who reads. Love lyrics is as too..That said, I do see feelings in this, and the slow raw song. Take us all away, to the place where dreams are like electric sheep. No suggestions, Thanks. staiNed
Good humid afternoon, SeanFhear A crow within a crowd of white, and that difference delightfully described as belonging but different, but that different is a good thing not as we all would see a crow being. Well written, thank you for sharing.
Impactful, and sad, for people to feel this way truly is heartbreaking, I hope sharing placed you in a for whatever its worth a different place. Straight to the point, not over dramatized. A lot of feeling, raw sadness and confusion.
The battles we have everyday are worth it. Thank you for sharing. No suggestions.
This is such a touching poem, I enjoyed a lot, and am kind of moved but the many feelings that are expressed in each stanza of such a poetic piece. My oldest is PDDNOS and he so brilliant, so smart but labeled, he smiles like no else. Hardships strengthen us, and makes us softer to give way and absorb the next tumble.
Well written and such a strange topic, I couldn't imagine such a fetish, if that's what it could be called, but can relate as I when really out of sorts and denying that will pick my own skin. Impactful and really spot on in mood, and setting, I could see those tweezers, and the garbage can, the unsettled feelings, the inability to stop. I hope it helped sharing, take care.
Very well said, without saying too much. Names might fade, stones worn to time and weather, but I agree we never forget. Thanks! I enjoyed and see no errors. Creative and quite sad.
I always enjoy a flash fiction story, and respect those who are able to write them as I am not. This is enjoyable, I couldn't imagine the shock of it not being real and a flag shooting out. Thanks! staiNed
Wonderfully told story in poem form. Quite old too, but I appreciate random review finding this dark evil tale. Rhymes, very easy to understand but not overall spooky. I enjoyed a lot, and was quite wrapped up in the old London imagery, Thanks!! No suggestions its just great.
Well written and quite sad. To know what would of been, to want those things, to rethink them over and over and over is hard. I can relate as I have someone I crave more time with but its not to be, so I hang on to memories. Well edited, and honestly sad. Thanks!
Mirthday how cute, so special to be born on mother's day, I agree and to have three of your own to spoil you double times is fantastic indeed. Well written, kind hearted and made me smile. I enjoy the rhyme, the feelings put into this. Thanks for sharing, no suggestions to improve this.
Small not overly descriptive, yet interesting in wondering were I was going, at first I thought earthquake, than out of body experience, but didn't see it as a dream. Well Done. No fancy words, easy to understand. The unsettled atmosphere is spot on.
Enjoyed. Such a impactful statement. To be understood and oved right down to our toes, all the faults, our positivity traits and those in the darkest place that even ourselves can't see. Well expressed, simple yet thought provoking. Thanks!
First, Second, Third chance, indeed each one may enact a change for the better in some way, but my experiences no nothing changes, one just get some tangled and dragged under by all those chances. Simple, not very descriptive, or overly fantasise with crazy prose. I enjoy the ease of reading this, and could see that perhaps another chance will go far.
Morning, Polaran
A love that was never named, your note, How creative. Very subjective prose, it's almost mystical in the feeling it shares. Somewhat sad, to care and be in that moment of realization, but never go past that first ripple of interest, makes it a little sad.
No suggestion, great editing, although with the author's note, this could vague. Thanks! and enjoy your day.
I enjoyed this a lot, read like a small story. The surprise if the wheelchair, the feeling that she was having, it all was written well and I was aboard for the ride. No suggestions just a great time, Thanks!
I'm not fiamler with the form, but seemed to me like a old style that would read different. Easy to understand and not full of fluffy emotions. A old future place, a river, flying machines and the people of this place. Not something I'd usually read and very enjoyable. Thanks!
Enjoy your day
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