In the the second line of the second paragrpah, you use the word "here" and it should really be "hear". You do the same in the last the paragraph, in the tird line from the bottom.
With that said tho, this is a sweet romantic story, of teenage relationships. Adding the lesbian content added to this that the story was about people, and not just stereotypes. This story is candid, and very vividly painted. I could actually see each scene as it unfolded. I saw Jude and Eric in the closet, and doing everything you described. I saw Jude telling Tanya that nothing happened in the closet.
Very vivid, and very realistic. Thank you for sharing, and always WRITE ON!!!!!
For sure Evelyn. When we grow up too fast, we want to do things our bodies aren't ready for. This may have been written at 2a.m., but it is far from pathetic. It is actually part of today's story of our young children, who want to be adults, and any girl past the age of 8, who thinks she is missing something, wants to be able to do those things now.
Children should be children, for as long as they can, and should not grow up too fast, because childhood is a fleeting time, and passes all too quickly.
Thank you for sharing this piece, and the message it has. WRITE ON!!!!!
Carla this is a very inspiring story. Your successes have not gone to your head like some I have seen here. Your love of art, and your profession of helping children cultivate their creative talents is very admiring. I wish you and Sandy the best of luck in continuing your journey in the teaching and reporting of art, where ever that may take you. They say that those who can, do; and those who can't teach. But you and Sandy seem to be able to both by doing, and teaching. Again Carla, this is very inspiring, and I hope our young authors here at WDC can learn something from this. Thank you for sharing, and WRITE ON!!!!!
OMG summerbrez, this is exactly what Jesus in so many words said to his disciples. This is very well written, and I saw no errors. Thank you for sharing this spiritual high.
Rainbowfairy, this story is a cute one, but there are a lot of errors throughout. There are spelling and grammar errors all through the story. It would be very nice if you would go through it again, and look it over. It needs editing, and then it needs proofreading.
As for the emotional content, it is very good, and I could actually feel the apprehension about going to speak with the new boy in school. It is also very picturesque too. I could see you standing there talking to Lily, I could see you talking to him in passing, because his little sister played with yours.
You do have a talent, and the plot is good, the scenery too. It just needs editing and proofreading.
Well written on a subject I am sure many can identify with. Others may have trouble with the form here tho, but for me it flowed well, and I could follow it easily. I saw spelling errors, and I assume they were on purpose. I saw no other errors.
A nice subtle way of a romantic interlude, Jack. There are no errors for the subject of this piece, and it flows very well. The punctuation too, fits this piece like a kid glove. Cassiopeia and Orion, hey? Neat. Thank you for sharing.
This is another perfect piece, flawlessly. It is a shame that some relationships fail because the guy isn't willing to give his all. Then there are the relationships that fail because the woman doesn't give her all. This piece is heartbreaking and sad, and I saw no errors.
This is a perfect little poem about life's reflections. If people read it closer, and in between the lines, there is a lot the reader can get from this. Wonderfully written, and flawless. Thank you.
This is really cool. I should have done something like to my mother years ago. But I can never hate her, but if I would have had my transsexual surgeries while she was alive, that would have hit her where she sits, after throwing me away and then disowning me.
This is a powerful write of betrayal, egotism, and yearning. I am not much on plays, but this was written from the heart. Thank you for sharing.
And now Kiaten all you have to do is put it to music. This would make a good rock song, or even a nice country ballad. Thank you for sharing this part of you.
Yes Haily, love knows no distance for sure. This is a romantic longing for a love that will hopefully return someday. Do not dwell on what was, or what will be, but if it was meant to be, and he does return, then you will know you were meant to be together. Just being honest Haily.
This piece flows well, and I am quite certain that the misspellings were purposely written. Thank you for sharing, and always WRITE ON!!!!!
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Thank you for sharing, and always WRITE ON!!!!!