This is a very sad ending tale of a beuatiful romance. But I agree tho, never "...deal with lady luck, nor test the hand of fate."
Imagery: I just love the imagery of this piece Lexie. When I can see the images and the action in my head, it feel that I am there as an observer.
Grammar & spelling I don't see any grammar or spelling mistakes.
Rhyme & metre The flow of this poem is lighthearted in its flow; almost songlike, even tho it deals with a very real problem some people really have.
Impressions My impression of this poem is that it deals with a very real problem in our society called gambling. Maybe instead of testing the hand of fate, Jake should have gone to Gamblers Anonymous. My overall impression is that this is a very good piece, and has a lot of wise advice for other gamblers in the same situation.
Thank you Lexie for sharing this with us.
With lvoe 'n' hugs,
Barbara
"If I have to be tis girl in me, Then I have the right to be."
Anna this so beautiful, and while a lot of internet romances and dating, doesn't work out, there are those that do. This is a very sweet, heartfelt poem, of romance and love. Thank you for sharing, Anna, and always...WRITE ON!!!!!
With love 'n' hugs,
Barbara
"If I have to be this girl in me, Then Ihavew the right to be."
Tehre are some who would say it was destiny, and then there are others that will say it is all in the mind. I believe that destiny tells us who we are, and pushes us through our lives, until circumstances bring us to achieving what could be looked on as some semblance of a decent life.
But faith also plays a very important role too, in how we live that life, and complete our goals.
Anna, you have written another emotionally painful poem about life in its rawness. I could feel the unsuredness, the hoplessness of wondering, the sadness of what was and what tolook forward to. I felt the pain and agony of whether or not something traumatic had happened so you could survive.
Thank you for sharing, Anna, and always...WRITE ON!!!!!
Anna I could feel the strong emotion and sadnees in this piece. We all have our demons, but it is our faith that makes living with them a lot easier. This poem also has such pain in it too.
As far as a detailed review, I am not going to do that, because everyhting works here, except for one little thing. in the second last line of the last stanza, you wrote "caugh" did you mean to write "caught"? But otrher than that tho, this poem flows very well, and brought horrific memories. Thanx for sharing, Anna, and always.......WRITE ON!!!!!
With love 'n' hugs,
Barbara
"If I have to be this girl in me, then I have the right to be."
For sure, Beth. This is a very inspiring write, and if only others would heed what you have written here. Those that lose their faith, and then find it again, have such an inner peace, and can face anything. The problems never go away, but they are easier to handle, when God is watching, and His son Jesus is walking beside you.
Thank you for sharing Beth, this is very wonderful.
WRITE ON!!!!!
With love 'n' hugs,
Barbara
"If I have to be tis girl in me, Then I have the right to be."
Loraine sent me to review this poem because she isn't any good at peotry reviews...
Grammar:The grammar is a little off, but after reading the entire poem, I see that it actually works for this particular piece.
What I liked about this poem:Everything. This poem tells us just what is wrong with our society. It tells of the indifference of those that have it good to the ones less fortunate.
This is a very good slap in the face poem to the upper elite that have no feelings for those who are destitute, mentally challenged, handicapped, not destitute but have less money. The so-called privileged upper class of society has no idea what respect is all about and could care even less about being Christian.
You have written a very good wake up call here. Thank you so much for sharing.
With love n hugs,
Barbara
"If I have to be this girl in me, Then I have the right to be."
This is very good Ram. A story of debauchery, with a moral. This story should be taught in high schools as part of health class, about the dangers of sexually explicit conduct.
I really had to feel sorry for Mark, because in my experience with men, he was the typical "I want you now" type, and didn't care what he had to do, where he had to go, or how he wanted the person either.
Thanx for sharing this story of horror, but with a moral.
With love n hugs,
Barbara
"If I have to be this girl in me, Then I have the right to be."
Awwwww this is soooooo sweet. Wouldn't it be nice if everyone believed in God, the way that Mamma explained it to little Katie in this very sweet story? Thank you so much for sharing.
With love n hugs,
Barbara
"If Ihave to be this girl in me, Then I have the right to be."
And that's the true way of the world too. The jerks always seem to be able to get away with everything, while the decent kids get trampled by insults and dirty names. It is such a shame that people can't respect other people...This is a very fine story E.E., and it shows just how bullies can get their own way...Thanx for sharing.
With love n hugs,
Barbara
"If I have to be this girl in me, Then I have the right to be."
(Giggles) Bonnie this is "juuuuust fine". (Giggles). So I guess when Mark goes to camp again, he will remember to pack what his mother said to pack, huh.
What I liked about this story:EVERYTHING! This is so humorous, and it is just like a boy to think he'll be "juuuuust fine".
Comments: Bonnie I love this story, and I can't see any reason to change anything either. For this story, everything works juuuuust fine. (Giggles).
With love n hugs,
Barbara
"If I have to be this girl in me, Then I have the right to be."
This is very sweet and romantic. I did find only small tidbits that I didn't like, but those are personal. The poem really flows nicely, and love must be a very wonderful thing. I really liked this.
WRITE ON!!!!!
With love n hugs,
Barbara
"If I have to be this girl in me, Then I have the right to be."
Rhythm and flow:The rhythm of this poem is an even flow that follows the thoughts of the boy all the way through.
Spelling and punctuation:I saw no spelling errors, and the punctuation works perfectly for this poem.
Imagery:I could see everything that the boy was doing. The imagery of thei poem is so vivid, it like being there and seeing the boy do all of these things.
Comment:I would definitly say that
you have written a very sad poem. Your emotions are so vivid and clear, that this brought tears to my eyes, knowing that such an innocent child had been hurt so bad that all he thought about was peace in the water.
This is very good Jenna, and always remember to...
WRITE ON!!!!! And welcome to writing.com.
With love n hugs,
Barbara
"if I have to be this girl in me, Then I have the right to be."
And no one Rayven, not even you or me, takes a slow pace, because we always think we'll get there faster if we hurry. Not so, quoth the Raven, nevermore, giggle. But you get what I mean tho? I always went forward but was stopped at every turn because put a cul-de-sac there. Now thwe cul-de-sacs are gone, and I am really on my way.
Life is not what we make it, but how it is made for us by others. And when we live that life, we're told that what we are doing is wrong. How can it be wrong, if we were made this way?
But at any rate tho Rayven, you have written a very emotional and true poem of what our society is all about today. Thanx for sharing.
With love n hugs,
Barbara
"If I have to be this girl in me, Then I have the right to be."
Frinkin I have been there, thought all these thoughts, and at the same age too. I guess because I have been where this poem is, I could read it very easily. There is only one misspelling tho, and that is (portrite...it should be spelled portrait).
I am constantly wondering why I had to suffer through no fault of my own, through all the years, and wonering what it would be like withoutme around. I am constantly wondering why do I continue to live day after day. Then I look at what I need to do yet in my life, and that is what keeps me going. Thanx for sharing.
With love n hugs,
Barbara
"If I have to be this girl in me, Then I have the right to be."
Metre:I like the rhyming of this poem Debby, it flows very smoothly and is very easy to follow.
Imagery:{c;violet}I really like the imagery of this poem. The scenes were like I was actually there witnessing this as it all happened. A very good portrait of a very sad time.
Characterization:The characterization is very vivid. I could actually see Samuel Barnes sitting by the ship's captain's door, waiting to talk; I could see him mending the rope in his hands as he waited; I saw him nursing Sarah, as he wiped her forehead and brought her food and something to drink; I saw him in his bed with the fever and his sons trying to help him as he tried to help Sarah.
I really like this Debby because it shows a historical event that is very nice to read. Thanx for sharing.
With love n hugs,
Barbara
"If I have to be this girl in me, Then I have the right to be."
I am giving you 5 stars for this, because this is a perfect example of an excellent, personal poem. I can identify with this, even tho I turned 14 in a state institution. But we still had the same fears of homework and exams (giggle). As a freshman in high school, in a state institution, it was very scary.
I also like the flow of this poem too, and how it is set up. I like the scheme of the every two lines. Thanx for sharing.
With love n hugs,
Barbara
"If I have to be this girl in me, Then I have the right to be."
Kim, this is a very good story, but there are some spelling mistakes and word omissions throughout the story. But this doesn't detract from the flow and drama of the story. The relatioship between a bobcat and a she-wolf is very unusual. I spent part of my teens in west central Wisconsin, at a place called the Wisconsin Child Center. Twice in 2½ years we went up to the Chequamegan National Forest. We could see the claw marks left by bears on tree trunks to mark their territory. We saw a pack of wolves down in one of the valleys. It was a good thing we were quiet and the wind was going where they weren't (giggle).
I like this unusual friendship betweem Ritico and Siiva. I'll read part 2 when I get a chance. Nice work Kim and always...
WRITE ON!!!!
With love n hugs,
Barbara
"If I have to be this girl in me, Then I have the right to be."
Yes. Sadly that is life. Why couldn't it be like Groundhog Day the movie, where we could live those years over and over again? *sigh* that's life I guess.
With love n hugs,
Barbara
"If I have to be this girl in me, Then I have the right to be."
For sure. This is a very deep, dark, sad and surreal poem. It reminds of just how fragile the human soul really is...
To say there are mistakes or not here would be a judgement of somehing that is so personal and unique, and that is exactly what poetry is; personal and unique.
W E L C O M E to writing.com and always WRITE ON!!!!!
With love n hugs
Barbara
"If I have to be this girl in me, Then I have the right to be.
In the embrace of pain,
you cannot see through the rain.
And in the depths of your soul,
there is nothing but a black hole.
Cheetah, I know the meaning of this poem quite well. I give 5 stars for this heart shattering write. You have done well, and please don't stop. WRITE ON!!!!!
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