~WhoMe???~'s (whome) Reviews

~WhoMe???~

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901

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#3251114

Review of Evergreen Angels

Review by ~WhoMe???~

In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP

Rated: E

| (5.0)

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"Evergreen Angels"

Intro

Daizy May

A beautiful poem created of rhyming couplets, this paints a picturesque tapestry of lush forest and soft breeze. I can hear the whispers as the wind softly rustles the pines. I could find no error in this piece. It all seemed to be in order. I have no encouraging words for this seems to be completed.

In reading this a fourth time, I have two punctuation questions. Bare in mind I am no expert at punctuation so you may want another opinion.
~for the fourth verse, I would add a comma after the first line.
~in the fifth verse I would change the punctuation at the end of the first line to a semicolon.

Overall I really enjoyed reading this piece. It was very spiritual and moving, and was well written.

902

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#3250934

Review of My Survival

Review by ~WhoMe???~

In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP

Rated: E

| (4.0)

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"My Survival"

Lonewolf

A poem of life and its struggles, written with rhyming couplets. In the beginning, the voice of the poem is questioning life. It is troubled and angered about the life that has been led thus far. Then love happens along. The grass turns green, rainbows appear, and all is well in the world... until the child throws a tantrum. Once the true identity of the child is revealed, then all is lost and the voice is returned to a life of lonliness. Talk about being our own worst enemy.

To me this is a poem of self evalutation. Opening one's eyes and truly seeing yourself as others do. You have made mistakes in the past and now you wish to learn from them. This is now way reflects on the author, this is just how I see the poem. A poem of self evident truths, meaning that is what the poem is about.

Should a question mark end verse one? It is afterall a carryone of the line before which begins with a question.

In the second verse there is a break in the rhyming. It turns, for one small bit into an alternate rhyming scheme. I feel this should be altered to be in corrolation with the rest of the poem.

Overall I felt this was a good poem. For the most part it held great rhythm and rhyme with a smooth transition of character evaluation. As the eyes were opened, a new world unfolds. Then a lesson is learned as to what happens when we once again close our eyes.

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903

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#3244651

Review of For My Love

Review by ~WhoMe???~

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Rated: E

| (5.0)

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"For My Love"

Lew

What a refreshing poem. Very deep and emotional. Written in rhyming couplets, the emotion flows down the page with ease of rhythm and rhyme.

Have you considered breaking this up into two verses? About midway, there is a turn in thought and emotion. Where the nights get better, end the first verse with the lengthened couplet, ohhhhhh, better yet YES, JUST LIKE IN REAL LIFE, MY THOUGHTS INTERUPT EACH OTHER, end the first verse with the you/true rhyme, then add a space, enter the next couplet, as if a refrain, then start with the rest, to look like this:

Alone nothing mattered much
Yet longing for a gentle woman's touch
The days blurred one after another
Before we had each other
My life was self absorbed
Yet my nights were plain and bored
Nothing felt as it should
All of the bad would turn to good
The day I said I love you
I knew our love was true

The nights have been better and I sleep more
My daily life is filled with joy and no longer a bore

Every day and night it's you I see
And I know you're the only one for me
Your beauty is divine and grand
As I reach with out stretched hand
To hold you and squeeze you tight
And love you with all my might
I may be strong but don't be coy
You make me feel as but a boy
Our partnership is stronger than you or me
As we grow together you will see
My love for you shall never dim
As his love for her and hers for him

Some will tell you that punctuation is needed in poetry. Others will argue that it is not needed and makes no difference. Still, there will be those who say it is up to the particular poet and the poem itself. Personally I feel that the way the verses flow down the page, that punctuation is necessary for this piece, though without it, the message still comes through strond. For me, I use to write poetry without any punctuation. Somewhere down the line someone gave me sound advice and it made sense to me. The punctuation, or lack thereof in a poem, is the direction of the writer, guiding the reader. The punctuation is where the author wishes the reader to take a breath; to contemplate; to pause for dramatic effect. The lack of punctuation says the same thing, "Read in one breath, whether slow, or fast, down the page". To me, punctuation is direction from the author to the reader. Use it, or don't , to your heart's desire and don't let anyone persuade you otherwise. However, if using it, be consistent throughout the piece.

Overall this is a great poem of finding love. I could find nothing more to add for this piece aside from the aforementioned. A great love piece.

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904

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#3244542

Review of A Lost Muse

Review by ~WhoMe???~

In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP

Rated: E

| (5.0)

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"A Lost Muse "

super sleuth

This is a very creative, rhyming poem of the muse that has left. Searching for that spark which inspires and guides the hand as the words of creation flow from pen to hand, the writer calls out in search for the muse to return.

Eloquently written, with great rhythm and rhyme. I could find nothing to add. This was perfection as far as I could see. A great poem!

In the first verse, I liked the reference to rain pelting the roof as God's tears. Then in the second verse the gift of writing is shown to have been appreciated, but missed.

A great masterpiece of poetic writing.

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905

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#3244537

Review of Ring Master Guide

Review by ~WhoMe???~

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Rated: 13+

| (3.0)

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"Ring Master Guide"

Revelry- inspiration needed

Good afternoon my friend. It has been a while since we have had the chance to correspond with each other. I am not sure how I stumbled upon this dark and sinister writing, though I am glad to have done so. Newly created today, this writing is of death, decay, and deception.

I have read through this a few times. I feel this is more a rough draft and still needs some work. The word count is missing also, not sure if you need that for the contest entry. Here is what I noticed for the first five paragraphs. There was more, but I wanted to refrain from doing a line by line edit in a review. I would suggest going back through and reading this aloud. As you read the paragraphs aloud, you will notice, just from the sound of the sentence, if it is complete or if something needs adjusting. I will gladly return at a later time for a second look.

The last sentence of the first paragraph, I would consider changing the first use of smell to scent. In so doing there isn't both smell and smelled located in the same short sentence and opens the sentence up without the repetition. This reflects the same message using another word.

The first sentence of the second paragraph is incomplete. What did the ringmaster notice as she approached the tents?

The second sentence of the second paragraph is simply repeating the last part of the previous sentence.

I would suggest with paragraph two, combing the three sentences.
The woman adorned in vintage ring master fashion noticed as she approached the old stained and rotting "circus graveyard". A menagerie of rotting circus tents,and various equipment and broken down rail carts. The oppressive atmosphere hugs around her like a second skin.

becomes

The woman adorned in vintage ring master fashion notices as she approached the old stained and rotting "circus graveyard" a menagerie of decayed equipment. As she walked through the tombstones of tents and railcarts, the oppressive atmosphere hugged her like a second skin.

broken windows and empty windows should be changed to broken and empty windows

fourth paragraph, was quickly should be changed to were quickly

fifth paragraph, the begins should be she begins

Her melodic voice fills the empty room, but, it isn't long like a some hallucinogenic dream animal's roar and mist shaped like tigers and lions fill the rooms
Her melodic voice fills the empty room. As she stands before the cages singing, hallucinogenic animals roar and growl as the mist shaped tiger and lions begin to fill the carts.

Overall the premise comes through but there is still much refining to do on this piece.

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906

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#3243758

Review of In the Heart of Winter

Review by ~WhoMe???~

In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP

Rated: E

| (5.0)

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"In the Heart of Winter"

Breezy

A special poem delivering a very spiritual message of love and appreciation. This was very well thought out with great attention to detail of punctuation. What stood out most was the message delivered.

~towards~ represents directional movement or action of time. In speech many people like to take the action words and give them an added syllable "s" to help propel them forward. Already being a word of action, this effort is unnecessary and leads to creating a slang term. This terminology then transfers into our writing. Now, if the piece of writing already contains slang terminology throughout the piece, then this would be acceptable, if not, then I would alter the word to the proper form, as I suggest with this instance. This also happens with forward, afterward, inward, downward, backward, outward, beside, and upward, to name a few. besides is also used in this piece.

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907

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#3243101

Review of Angel

Review by ~WhoMe???~

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Rated: E

| (4.5)

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"Angel"

WhirlwindX

A tale of love. Armorous affection for another is about to be revealed. This is a man watching one from afar with great affection. It is a free-style poem of love and romance.

Some will say that punctuation is needed in poetry. Others will argue that it is not needed and makes no difference. Still, there will be those who say it is up to the particular poet and the poem itself. Personally I feel that the way the verses flow down the page, that punctuation is necessary for this piece, and though some exists, I feel it is incomplete. For me, I use to write poetry without any punctuation. Somewhere down the line someone gave me sound advice and it made sense to me. The punctuation, or lack thereof in a poem, is the direction of the writer, guiding the reader. The punctuation is where the author wishes the reader to take a breath; to contemplate; to pause for dramatic effect. The lack of punctuation says the same thing, "Read in one breath, whether slow, or fast, down the page". To me, punctuation is direction from the author to the reader. Use it, or don't , to your heart's desire and don't let anyone persuade you otherwise. However, if using it, be consistent throughout the piece.

908

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#3243024

Review of Winter Moments

Review by ~WhoMe???~

In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP

Rated: E

| (4.5)

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keystomykarma

A special moment as time seems to slow. A winter tapestry of beauty as the stillness of the evening is captured after a freshly fallen snow. I picture a crisp evening after the snow when the skies have cleared and the temperatures drop. The flakes become crystalized as they cling to everything creating a glittering masterpiece of nature.

The only thing that seemed to be a detraction for me was the lack of capitalization. The way each line begins like it is seems to take away from the beauty leaving the impression something is missing.

Overall I truly feel this is a great work.

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909

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#3242406

Review of Breathe (Chapter 1 and Synopsis)

Review by ~WhoMe???~

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Rated: 13+

| (4.0)

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"Breathe (Chapter 1 and Synopsis)"

OneFrighteningLittleMonster123

One story of three which will all join to make life altering decisions, this great short piece sets the foundation for love and heartache as we wait to see what happens and how the story unfolds.

~towards~ represents directional movement or action of time. In speech many people like to take the action words and give them an added syllable "s" to help propel them forward. Already being a word of action, this effort is unnecessary and leads to creating a slang term. This terminology then transfers into our writing. Now, if the piece of writing already contains slang terminology throughout the piece, then this would be acceptable, if not, then I would alter the word to the proper form, as I suggest with this instance. This also happens with forward, afterward, inward, downward, backward, outward, beside, and upward, to name a few. besides is also used in this piece.

twice the word quite is used toward the end, and should be quiet

un eventful should be one word uneventful

Starting a sentence with a conjunction, but or and, creates an incomplete sentence for the reader. This can be changed by adding a comma and joining the sentence with the previous one, since they are of the same subject. That, or drop the conjunction and open strong for the next sentence. Though the use of conjunctions to start sentences is becoming more of a norm in todays writings, it is still frowned upon in many writing circles. When used with slang terminology, the use of conjunctions to start sentences is a commonality.

The part about the other teacher, if the other teacher doesn't play a roll in the storyline, then I would suggest removing that bit of information, it doesn't really move the story along, and kind of creates a detour. If however she is listed or mentioned elsewhere this is character building and needed.

Overall a great story so far, it needs a bit of refining, but is well on its way to a great piece.

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910

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#3242364

Review of Shattered Tears

Review by ~WhoMe???~

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Rated: E

| (4.0)

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"Shattered Tears"

Amy James

A story of everlasting love. This is a very descriptive story which paints a picture of beauty and sorrow wrapped together. This icy tales wraps around your heart and leaves you with a warm tingling feeling.

To me the title does not do justice to this great love story. Something bolder, something that sums up the story into a few words, to me, would be more appropriate. "Love doesn't fade" "Love Everlasting" oooh, there you go, the second one...

~towards~ represents directional movement or action of time. In speech many people like to take the action words and give them an added syllable "s" to help propel them forward. Already being a word of action, this effort is unnecessary and leads to creating a slang term. This terminology then transfers into our writing. Now, if the piece of writing already contains slang terminology throughout the piece, then this would be acceptable, if not, then I would alter the word to the proper form, as I suggest with this instance. This also happens with forward, afterward, inward, downward, backward, outward, beside, and upward, to name a few.

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911

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#3240981

Review of A Day In My Life

Review by ~WhoMe???~

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Rated: E

| (3.5)

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"A Day In My Life "

Felicity Faith

A look into an ordinary day that holds excitement if you look at it with the right eyes. I found this to be interesting how you see things as mundane and dismally boring, and yet to others this could be viewed as relaxing and a peacefull day.

the main problem I see with this piece is that is reads as one big sentence instead of a paragraph. Yes, it is broken into a few sentences, but they are each so winded that everything gets lost in the gasp for breath. I would suggest going back through and breaking this up. Keep one subject to a sentence. Take out all of the parenthesis. They aren't necessary.

this has great potential, though it needs quite a bit of refinement yet.

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912

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#3240974

Review of Least Favorite

Review by ~WhoMe???~

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Rated: E

| (4.0)

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"Least Favorite"

Jinx Charmer

A poem of depression and low self worth, this piece is the voice of the one who is unseen, unappreciated, and simply has become accustom to the neglect. This is a tale of things unspoken yet often happen in the lives of children.

In line one, no body's represents a body, a physical being. It is hard to tell if this is talking of the body or the person. If the body, then it should read as no body is if speaking of the person, it should read as nobody is

the lack of capitalization in line four of the pronoun I is what shows the metaphor for lack of self worth.

In line five, I felt that the word me as in wake me up was missing from this area of the prose.

Line six, again with the lack of capitalization, but also, should the word be {by instead of but?

again with the lack of capitalization of the pronoun which should hold such high esteem.

Some will say that punctuation is needed in poetry. Others will argue that it is not needed and makes no difference. Still, there will be those who say it is up to the particular poet and the poem itself. Personally I feel that the way the verses flow down the page, that punctuation is necessary for this piece, and though some exists, I feel it is incomplete. For me, I use to write poetry without any punctuation. Somewhere down the line someone gave me sound advice and it made sense to me. The punctuation, or lack thereof in a poem, is the direction of the writer, guiding the reader. The punctuation is where the author wishes the reader to take a breath; to contemplate; to pause for dramatic effect. The lack of punctuation says the same thing, "Read in one breath, whether slow, or fast, down the page". To me, punctuation is direction from the author to the reader. Use it, or don't , to your heart's desire and don't let anyone persuade you otherwise. However, if using it, be consistent throughout the piece.

Overall this has a great backbone, it just needs some refinement. The plot or strenght lies in the core.

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913

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#3240972

Review of Me and My shadow

Review by ~WhoMe???~

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Rated: 18+

| (4.5)

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"Me and My shadow"

.x.Lonely girl.x.

To me, this is a sad tale of depression and heartache. There is no end to those who suffer and the strengths and weeknesses they have. They hold strong showing to none that which is true of themselves.

Some will say that punctuation is needed in poetry. Others will argue that it is not needed and makes no difference. Still, there will be those who say it is up to the particular poet and the poem itself. Personally I feel that the way the verses flow down the page, that punctuation is necessary for this piece, and though some exists, I feel it is incomplete. For me, I use to write poetry without any punctuation. Somewhere down the line someone gave me sound advice and it made sense to me. The punctuation, or lack thereof in a poem, is the direction of the writer, guiding the reader. The punctuation is where the author wishes the reader to take a breath; to contemplate; to pause for dramatic effect. The lack of punctuation says the same thing, "Read in one breath, whether slow, or fast, down the page". To me, punctuation is direction from the author to the reader. Use it, or don't , to your heart's desire and don't let anyone persuade you otherwise. However, if using it, be consistent throughout the piece.

type error with the word knowone It should be no one or nobody

shes is not a word. She is or She has is the appropriate usage.

wont needs an apostrophe won't

Overall this is a well written poem. I enjoyed reading it several times over. Though that is awkward in saying. I enjoyed it as in I enjoyed reading the message so that I can understand more about those who suffer. Understanding is the key to helping.

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914

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#3240460

Review of Looking Back - Day One

Review by ~WhoMe???~

In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP

Rated: 18+

| (5.0)

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"Looking Back - Day One"

aralls

This is a look back in time to the beginning of a lifelong relationship. Struggling with mixed emotion and feelings, this is a mother's effort to deal with the trials and tribulations of an adoption which has her having second thoughts.

~starting a sentence with a conjunction, but or and, creates an incomplete sentence for the reader. This can be changed by adding a comma and joining the sentence with the previous one, since they are of the same subject. That, or drop the conjunction and open strong for the next sentence. Though the use of conjunctions to start sentences is becoming more of a norm in todays writings, it is still frowned upon in many writing circles. When used with slang terminology, the use of conjunctions to start sentences is a commonality. I only noticed this once toward the end.

Overall this is well written. The grammar, spelling and punctuation all seem to be in order. The story though sad and touching is well written and pulls at the heartstrings.

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915

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#3240459

Review of A MAN WHO HAS IT ALL

Review by ~WhoMe???~

In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP

Rated: 13+

| (5.0)

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"A MAN WHO HAS IT ALL "

youme

A story well written of living and life. Knowing what you want out of life, and risking everything to get it. This was something that moved me and a story that captured my attention all the way through.

typo~month dieing should be month dying

~starting a sentence with a conjunction, but or and, creates an incomplete sentence for the reader. This can be changed by adding a comma and joining the sentence with the previous one, since they are of the same subject. That, or drop the conjunction and open strong for the next sentence. Though the use of conjunctions to start sentences is becoming more of a norm in todays writings, it is still frowned upon in many writing circles. When used with slang terminology, the use of conjunctions to start sentences is a commonality. Only noticed once, toward the ending

~besides~ represents directional movement or action of time. In speech many people like to take the action words and give them an added syllable "s" to help propel them forward. Already being a word of action, this effort is unnecessary and leads to creating a slang term. This terminology then transfers into our writing. Now, if the piece of writing already contains slang terminology throughout the piece, then this would be acceptable, if not, then I would alter the word to the proper form, as I suggest with this instance. This also happens with forward, afterward, inward, downward, backward, outward, toward, and upward, to name a few.

Overall the well told story and the great visuals it gave were wonderful. The five star rating were well deserved.

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916

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#3240426

Review of Swing for the stars

Review by ~WhoMe???~

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Rated: E

| (4.5)

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"Swing for the stars"

luvtoread95

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An interesting tale of hope and dreams that climb to the stars with the help of a swing. I found that the story was well told in the free-style poem of wandering years. Creative and dramatic as well, this great piece had me wishing for a star and looking at what my dreams are.

Verse three, change to to too as in also...

Overall a great poem. I did feel that there could be more use of punctuation to enhance the story:

Some will say that punctuation is needed in poetry. Others will argue that it is not needed and makes no difference. Still, there will be those who say it is up to the particular poet and the poem itself. Personally I feel that the way the verses flow down the page, that punctuation is necessary for this piece, and though some exists, I feel it is incomplete. For me, I use to write poetry without any punctuation. Somewhere down the line someone gave me sound advice and it made sense to me. The punctuation, or lack thereof in a poem, is the direction of the writer, guiding the reader. The punctuation is where the author wishes the reader to take a breath; to contemplate; to pause for dramatic effect. The lack of punctuation says the same thing, "Read in one breath, whether slow, or fast, down the page". To me, punctuation is direction from the author to the reader. Use it, or don't , to your heart's desire and don't let anyone persuade you otherwise. However, if using it, be consistent throughout the piece.

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917

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#3240396

Review of Privileged

Review by ~WhoMe???~

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Rated: E

| (4.5)

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"Privileged "

level49

This poem tackles a growing problem with our youth today. It tells it like it is and pulls no punches as it travels down the page. It has a broken rhythm as the rhyme isn't always true in some of the lines of this one verse piece. I feel this could go either as a free-style piece or be revamped for an alternate rhyme scheme. Written as one verse it stands strong, though it also could be broken into another verse.

Some will say that punctuation is needed in poetry. Others will argue that it is not needed and makes no difference. Still, there will be those who say it is up to the particular poet and the poem itself. Personally I feel that the way the verses flow down the page, that punctuation is necessary for this piece, and though some exists, I feel it is incomplete. For me, I use to write poetry without any punctuation. Somewhere down the line someone gave me sound advice and it made sense to me. The punctuation, or lack thereof in a poem, is the direction of the writer, guiding the reader. The punctuation is where the author wishes the reader to take a breath; to contemplate; to pause for dramatic effect. The lack of punctuation says the same thing, "Read in one breath, whether slow, or fast, down the page". To me, punctuation is direction from the author to the reader. Use it, or don't , to your heart's desire and don't let anyone persuade you otherwise. However, if using it, be consistent throughout the piece.

Overall this is a well written piece. I did find the need of punctuation to be added, though that is the right and the decision the author must reach for themselves.

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918

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#3240387

Review of Emily Brown: A Monologue of the Deceased

Review by ~WhoMe???~

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Rated: 13+

| (4.0)

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"Emily Brown: A Monologue of the Deceased"

Carol Michelle

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Opening with a strong sentence that slowly drags the reader into a dark and dismal place, this is a look at the last words and actions of a suicidal teen. It is well written, free of grammar and punctuation error. I did notice one small spelling error toward the ending, due to a typo lover should be love

For some odd reason, the title and subtext did not agree with me. This isn't a monologue of any sorts. A monologue are the thoughts of a person spoken aloud. This is thought and action told in story form. This isn't only the character narrating to us, that would be a monologue. This easily could be changed into a monologue though. By keeping the tense of the story in the present, and changing all pronouns to I as If I,, Emily Brown are narrating to you, then we have a monologue. Here are a few changes of the first bit of this piece:

Darkness is descending upon our small town and sealing the promise of night with the death kiss of cold wind. It is by far the coldest night Brightsville has ever seen, and probably the coldest it will ever experience. In the window of one frosted window I sit, Emily Brown. I have been up for two hours now, contemplating when would be the right time. Needless to say, I was greeting the night with open arms. The daylight only brought back memories I wasn’t ready to confront and people could see me then.

small changes that don't alter the story other than to turn it into the monologue it declares it already is.

Overall a good piece once the fine tuning is done for the monologue part to be true unto itself. A dark and sinister piece in the aspect of the sad demons Emily does see herself with.

919

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#3239441

Review of One by some

Review by ~WhoMe???~

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Rated: E

| (4.5)

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"One by some"

Wordism

A free style poem which represents the soulmate of life. I found this to be a search for that special one that you wish to spend life with, sharing the ups and downs of being alive. This was a short piece that to me was representive of time.

With line two of verse one the voice of the poem is searching. In line three of the same verse, the search is refined, to me, this represents the time passage or life experiences which have altered views to what is expected in the end result of the search.

Some will say that punctuation is needed in poetry. Others will argue that it is not needed and makes no difference. Still, there will be those who say it is up to the particular poet and the poem itself. Personally I feel that the way the verses flow down the page, that punctuation is necessary for this piece, and though some exists, I feel it is incomplete. For me, I use to write poetry without any punctuation. Somewhere down the line someone gave me sound advice and it made sense to me. The punctuation, or lack thereof in a poem, is the direction of the writer, guiding the reader. The punctuation is where the writer wishes the reader to take a breath; to contemplate; to pause for dramatic effect. The lack of punctuation says the same thing, "Read in one breath, whether slow, or fast, down the page". To me, punctuation is direction from the writer to the reader. Use it, or don't , to your heart's desire and don't let anyone persuade you otherwise. However, if using it, be consistent throughout the piece.

Overall this is well written. It is free of grammar and spelling error. On a personal note, I felt the punctuation was needed, other than that, great job!

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920

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14 days may be credited.

#3238095

Review of Grandpa's Back!

Review by ~WhoMe???~

In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP

Rated: E

| (5.0)

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"Grandpa's Back!"

Joy

Having won a mystery package from "Invalid Item"

as a door prize, I am here to deliver the goods. Being sick and sleep deficient, this may take me a few days to complete, please bear with me.

Stumbling or shall I say, bumbling, through your port, I came upon this wonderful poem of rhyming couplets. I enjoyed the story it told, for don't we all have our subconcsious play tricks with our dreams? So well illustrated here in this poem are the daily bits and pieces jumbled together to create a dream of confusion, and yet there is clarity in the dream world that is sometimes missed. At times, only in dreamland, can we unravel some of the day to day mysteries that somehow slip through our fingers.

I found this to be free of spelling, grammar and punctuation errors. The rhyming couplets flowed well for me with the exception of the first couplet of the fourth verse. To me this was such a stretch, and being so tired I couldn't think of a substitute, I wasn't sure what to think. I did stop each of the five times I read it, trying to sound the words out with different dialects, to see the match, but failed to do so.

Overall this is a well written poem. The clarity of the story told in this poem spoke volumes to me and sadly enough was provoking enough that I am signing off and heading to get some more sleep. Perhaps I too can unravel some things in dreamland.

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921

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#3237121

Review of The Beauty In Life

Review by ~WhoMe???~

In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP

Rated: ASR

| (5.0)

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"The Beauty In Life"

Harry

~I have come to appreciate the Random button on the far upperside of the screen. It has directed me to this great free-style poem which has me captured in thought.

~are there two "s" at the end of "pampas", as in the grass, for some reason, sitting as it is on the line of verse, it doesn't look right. Though in reality, perhaps I should just go to bed and review it in the morning, for it is probably as it should be.

When I read this poem, I see death, destruction and chaos waiting to happen, and all through a poet's perspective. Yet, life is so much more. The cunning of the cat or its beauty as it uses stealth to glide upon the bird...

How can we experience and appreciate the beauty of life, if we don't see the darkness of death? In seeing the darkness of death, does that mean it is a terrible thing, or is it the re-birth of life itself? I think the two compliment each other.

~Overall, this is a wonderful thought provoking poem. I enjoyed reading this over several times. It got me going off on a tangent to where I had to stop and reign myself in. A very clever and well written poem. Free of grammar, spelling, and punctuation error.

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922

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#3237115

Review of One Small Word Makes All The Difference

Review by ~WhoMe???~

In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP

Rated: E

| (5.0)

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"One Small Word Makes All The Difference"

Kenzie

Yes, once again, I was caught using that Random button up there on the left. Look what it brought to me...A great view on life!

The first thing that grabbed my attention was the big smiling face on the page, followed directly by the bolded words on the page. I was curious as to why all of the text was done in bold? This was almost as distracting as it was attracting. So, kind of half full, half empty sort of feeling when you look at it.

~starting a sentence with a conjunction, but or and, creates an incomplete sentence for the reader. This can be changed by adding a comma and joining the sentence with the previous one, since they are of the same subject. That, or drop the conjunction and open strong for the next sentence. Though the use of conjunctions to start sentences is becoming more of a norm in todays writings, it is still frowned upon in many writing circles. When used with slang terminology, the use of conjunctions to start sentences is a commonality.

Overall, I really enjoyed this writing. It is written in the spirit of a bright outlook on life, and is willing to spread the joy and wealth of knowledge to keep this spirit alive.

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923

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14 days may be credited.

#3237108

Review of I'm Coming Darling Nightingale

Review by ~WhoMe???~

In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE NEWBIE REVIEWE...

Rated: E

| (5.0)

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"I'm Coming Darling Nightingale"

Paul Peters

A beautiful sonnet that is picturesque while creating a tapestry of adventure and travel. This is could be read verbatim or taken as a metaphor. Either way, it had me reading it over and over.

I was captured with the tale and could not escape. I thoroughly enjoyed reading this. I did have one small notation listed below.

~towards~ represents directional movement or action of time. In speech many people like to take the action words and give them an added syllable "s" to help propel them forward. Already being a word of action, this effort is unnecessary and leads to creating a slang term. This terminology then transfers into our writing. Now, if the piece of writing already contains slang terminology throughout the piece, then this would be acceptable, if not, then I would alter the word to the proper form, as I suggest with this instance. This also happens with forward, beside, inward, downward, afterwards, outward, backward, and upward, to name a few.

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924

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#3237101

Review of Bad Lands

Review by ~WhoMe???~

In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE NEWBIE REVIEWE...

Rated: E

| (4.0)

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"Bad Lands"

Medusa

Political views on war and religion, delivered with unbias toward either side. This points out a number of factors against the war and does not take side on the religious ground. The short reading gives points on the homefront of either side, as to what is happening with the people.

~In several instances, I found that the word then was used, when it actually should have been the word than

~oddly, as I read this through a few times, I found this was reading as a rap. A political rap that is. I am no rapper, in fact, I am not really a big fan of that genre of music. However, I felt that there at times was a rhyming aspect, or almost rhyme between sentences that had this streaming together. I couldn't make out the prose of it, nor the actual poem, but I could envision it as a rap or oratorical reading.

925

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14 days may be credited.

#3236367

Review of GreatNewbieChallengeRound6#3

Review by ~WhoMe???~

In affiliation with JUST BECAUSE I WANT TO FORUM T...

Rated: 13+

| (5.0)

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Standwood's_IN-DEPTH Reviews

(E)
ON HIATUS MARCH - April 2010 Short on Reviews? Need a Fresh Perspective?
#1619432 by SPACE COBWEBS @ 18!

SPACE COBWEBS @ 18!

This is a Read All About It review package from the "JUST BECAUSE I WANT TO FORUM CLOSED 4NOW"

donated to you from Humming Bird

This is review three of three reviews coming your way.

This is a love poem which speaks of the emotions felt for and created by another. The relationship as saw by one of the two and being described to the other. This is the scent of a rose...

Some will say that punctuation is needed in poetry. Others will argue that it is not needed and makes no difference. Still, there will be those who say it is up to the particular poet and the poem itself. Personally I feel that the way the verses flow down the page, that punctuation is necessary for this piece, and though some exists, I feel it is incomplete. For me, I use to write poetry without any punctuation. Somewhere down the line someone gave me sound advice and it made sense to me. The punctuation, or lack thereof in a poem, is the direction of the writer, guiding the reader. The punctuation is where the writer wishes the reader to take a breath; to contemplate; to pause for dramatic effect. The lack of punctuation says the same thing, "Read in one breath, whether slow, or fast, down the page". To me, punctuation is direction from the writer to the reader. Use it, or don't , to your heart's desire and don't let anyone persuade you otherwise. However, if using it, be consistent throughout the piece.

I feel this is a well written poem. Other than the punctuation, I see nothing I can comment on to help or suggest with this piece.
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