~WhoMe???~'s (whome) Reviews

~WhoMe???~

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4,509 Public Reviews Given

4,699 Total Reviews Given

926

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14 days may be credited.

#3236351

Review of Lukas and the Dragon

Review by ~WhoMe???~

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Rated: E

| (4.0)

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"Lukas and the Dragon"

JarredH

I found this featured in the port of SPACE COBWEBS @ 18!

when I went to give this member some reviews from the "JUST BECAUSE I WANT TO FORUM CLOSED 4NOW"

. What a treat is was to find this item there. Now, of course, I still will be returning to that location to leave three reviews, but thought since you were given recognition in this port, that you deserved a review as well.

~starting a sentence with a conjunction, but or and, creates an incomplete sentence for the reader. This can be changed by adding a comma and joining the sentence with the previous one, since they are of the same subject. That, or drop the conjunction and open strong for the next sentence. Though the use of conjunctions to start sentences is becoming more of a norm in todays writings, it is still frowned upon in many writing circles. When used with slang terminology, the use of conjunctions to start sentences is a commonality.

~backwards~ represents directional movement or action of time. In speech many people like to take the action words and give them an added syllable "s" to help propel them forward. Already being a word of action, this effort is unnecessary and leads to creating a slang term. This terminology then transfers into our writing. Now, if the piece of writing already contains slang terminology throughout the piece, then this would be acceptable, if not, then I would alter the word to the proper form, as I suggest with this instance. This also happens with forward, beside, inward, downward, afterwards, outward, toward, and upward, to name a few. I noticed that there is more than one of these wordes used improperly in this short story.

~His brain wheeled in fright and confusion."
no parenthesis is needed at the end of the sentence. The correct parenthesis use is already at the beginning of the sentence.

~You invaded my home. An you were about to disturb my treasures
Instead of an the word should be and, also it should be connected to the previous sentence with a comma, to be sure we aren't starting a sentence with a conjunction, as mentioned up above.

Overall this was a good tale. A twist to some dragon tales we have seen in the past. Other than the few mentioned things above, this story was read without much trouble for the reader. The sequence of events flowed well. I liked how this set itself up for future writings.

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927

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#3235425

Review of The Snow Monster

Review by ~WhoMe???~

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Rated: E

| (3.0)

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"The Snow Monster "

Emo-Dragon592

This is a short story with great potential. The finding of a snow monster adds to the Christmas excitement as the children try to open presents.

In the second sentence, the word wind is over-used.
The wind was wailing through the trees and making them creak as the wind passed through.
The wind was wailing through the trees, making them creak, as it passed through.
The red sentence is my suggestion for an alteration in strengthening the sentence.

~starting a sentence with a conjunction, but or and, creates an incomplete sentence for the reader. This can be changed by adding a comma and joining the sentence with the previous one, since they are of the same subject. That, or drop the conjunction and open strong for the next sentence. Though the use of conjunctions to start sentences is becoming more of a norm in todays writings, it is still frowned upon in many writing circles. When used with slang terminology, the use of conjunctions to start sentences is a commonality.

spelling correction needed for the word scratched

Overall, I feel this is a rough draft. This should be broken into several paragraphs, if leaving the writing as it stands. If lengthening this short piece, I feel this could be a good short story, only more information will be needed.

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928

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#3235388

Review of Find a Locked Door

Review by ~WhoMe???~

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Rated: E

| (5.0)

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"Find a Locked Door "

A. J. Stevens

Written for a prompt contest with limited lines, this great poem describes the finding of a locked door and the secrets behind it. Fitting to the prompt this poem has a rhythmatic flow that captures the attention.

The punctuation, spelling and grammar, all appeared to be in order. I enjoyed reading this.
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929

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#3235289

Review of The Wind

Review by ~WhoMe???~

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Rated: E

| (5.0)

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"The Wind"

pixieprincess

With one exception all lines are capitalized. I personally felt that only the lines starting a new sentence or verse should be capitalized in order to flow better with the punctuation, which I found was right on the mark.

In order to show how that wind plays, instead of saying and lifts my hair show how the wind plays with lifting my hair

On a personal note, I felt this would be better represented if centered down the page.

Overall, I thought this was a superb piece. I enjoyed reading this poem over and over.
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930

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#3235257

Review of Love, Then and Now

Review by ~WhoMe???~

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Rated: 13+

| (5.0)

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"Love, Then and Now"

Losten Lyrix

This is a lovely set of poetry written for the one you love. I looked at the second poem and tried to slice and dice it to fit another format, and like you, I couldn't find anything that would work without comprimising what you are trying to say. I think together with the two poems, this works, but if you were to separate the poems then the second one would be a bit harder for others to follow.

As a whole, the two poems are of love and unity. A before and after of the relationship is a perfect picture.

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931

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#3234890

Review of Faded Fears

Review by ~WhoMe???~

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Rated: E

| (4.0)

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"Faded Fears"

Jade Peterson

The first sentence, with the multiple commas, seems incomplete. It reads as if three separate sentences. I would suggest changing it up to where you replace each comma with a period, or re-writing the first sentence all together.
I hear my heavy breathing as I smell the dirt and trees, seeing nothing but darkness. (Just my suggestion for the re-write)

friends, first off is mis-spelled. Secondly, being plural, should be followed by are. Here are my two suggestions for changes.
Friends are... or Friend is

This is a thought provoking piece on phobias. Though short in length, it makes up for this with content. What is it we fear? Is it truly the darkness, or what lies hidden in the shadows? It makes us take a step back and analyze what our fears truly are. Great concept.

This has a good base, but needs a few corrections in editing. Other than that, this could be elaborated upon, though that is not a necessary step.
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932

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#3233631

Review of Circle of Life

Review by ~WhoMe???~

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Rated: E

| (5.0)

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"Circle of Life"

♥HOOves♥

Mother nature has her prizes; her tricks and surprises too. On ocassion she finds a piece of beauty that is so beyond the normal realm, that she must share with everyone the masterpiece. In this poem of rhyming clarity, the tapestry of crayola with vivid petals is a piece of love.

Having been shared with another, this poem speaks of the beauty of a nature phenomena.

The rhyme is easy to follow. It flows down the page with great clarity and ease.

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933

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#3232366

Review of Early Morning

Review by ~WhoMe???~

In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP

Rated: E

| (5.0)

A LOYALTY PACKAGE for LdyPhoenix

from Gothic Angel gone

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This short prose was poetry to my ears. Depicting a tapestry of beauty this great masterpiece had me wishing for the sun to come out from the dismal clouds to illuminate the morning. I could picture myself sitting on the porch sipping coffee as the sum came up. Beautiful, simply beautiful.

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934

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#3232334

Review of Elemental {Closed}

Review by ~WhoMe???~

In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP

Rated: ASR

| (5.0)

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"Invalid Item"

A LOYALTY PACKAGE for LdyPhoenix

from Gothic Angel gone

. Please include the message, "A token of my appreciation for all the wonderful things you do for me!"

LdyPhoenix

This is a unique display for your portfolio. Breaking down the catagories into elements, then adding great artwork to the halls has made this a castle to explore. The alluring individual folders beg to be investigated.
I have had much fun checking out the elements. Each one has its base roots and the items broken down into each folder fit well within the parameters of each folder. Great job. Very creative and well though out.

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935

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#3231527

Review of Who am I?

Review by ~WhoMe???~

In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP

Rated: E

| (5.0)

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"Who am I?"

Kaftarian Knight

I found this to be a very informative, yet very entertaining, article on who you are. This great dialog had me smiling and laughing as I read down the page. I found myself curious as to the RPG's in particular you mentioned. Care to name any? For they too can tell a little of your character. Oblivion? Civilization? Fallout Tactics? What type of character do you like to play?

I found this to be a piece I wouldn't mind seeing entered into some of these dialog only contests. I feel this would do rather well. Have you considered it? I am sure your wife can help you find some of these, she is very familiar with the site.

~starting a sentence with a conjunction, but or and, creates an incomplete sentence for the reader. This can be changed by adding a comma and joining the sentence with the previous one, since they are of the same subject. That, or drop the conjunction and open strong for the next sentence. Though the use of conjunctions to start sentences is becoming more of a norm in todays writings, it is still frowned upon in many writing circles. When used with slang terminology, the use of conjunctions to start sentences is a commonality.

Overall this is a very good writing. I enjoyed reading it and couldn't help but to investigate. I found the link to it in your wife's port, for I was heading her way to drop her a line when I found out we are practically neighbors, well, maybe... anyway, great work. I hope to see more from you.

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936

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#3231095

Review of The Baton

Review by ~WhoMe???~

In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP

Rated: E

| (5.0)

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READ ALL ABOUT IT DELUXE PACKAGE TO Jimwithpen with a message saying "That this is on behalf of all of us at
The Mystery League (Forum) (E)
Did you get something "mysteriously" gifted to you today? Say thank you here!
#1617936 by The Mystery League

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"The Baton"

Jimwithpen

This is a very beautiful poem of love and growth, aging and education. Raising a child in today's society is tough. Doing so with spiritual guidance and religion, I sometimes feel may be an even harder task. This is a poem of love as a father watches his child who has grown, under his tuteledge, and is now bringing their own child into this world. Having already raised his child under the spiritual guidance, he now must decide to have strength in the lessons he has taught and faith that those lessons will be passed to his granddaughter.

Written in rhyming couplets with a precise rhyme and great flow, this wonderful poem flows down the page with style, grace and a spiritual glow.

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937

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#3230991

Review of Devil's Boat At The Dock

Review by ~WhoMe???~

In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP

Rated: E

| (5.0)

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READ ALL ABOUT IT DELUXE PACKAGE TO Jimwithpen with a message saying "That this is on behalf of all of us at
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#1617936 by The Mystery League

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"Devil's Boat At The Dock"

Jimwithpen
Reading this limerick time after time, I found myself wondering, just how many will hear the bell of the boat and come running to catch the last ferry? How many will remain on shore, or inland, where their heart's desires and passions follow the way of the lord?

I did notice one small adjustment needed, country's should be countries

Though some of the rhymes are forced, said with the right dialect or accent, they will fit in with the limerick and sing down the page. This is a good spiritual poem. Great job!

938

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#3230976

Review of Happy Stance

Review by ~WhoMe???~

In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP

Rated: E

| (5.0)

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READ ALL ABOUT IT DELUXE PACKAGE TO Jimwithpen with a message saying "That this is on behalf of all of us at
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Did you get something "mysteriously" gifted to you today? Say thank you here!
#1617936 by The Mystery League

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"Happy Stance"

Jimwithpen

When I read this poem I think of love and religion. The faith and dedication held in the lines are strong and ring true through each line.

The rhyming scheme was not one that was hard to follow, though I wouldn't say it was as easy as it could be. I found that the use of plural rhyme vs. singular slightly distracting, though not by much. Though this works in this poem, I could easily see the few spots this happens adjusted so that it is equal to the rest of the poem. For instance, manto hands or would it flow better with hand???

Some will say that punctuation is needed in poetry. Others will argue that it is not needed and makes no difference. Still, there will be those who say it is up to the particular poet and the poem itself. Personally I felt that the way the rhyming couplets fall on the page, that no punctuation is necessary. For me, I use to write poetry without any punctuation. Somewhere down the line someone gave me sound advice and it made sense to me. The punctuation, or lack thereof in a poem, is the direction of the writer, guiding the reader. The punctuation is where the writer wishes the reader to take a breath; to contemplate; to pause for dramatic effect. The lack of punctuation says the same thing, "Read in one breath, whether slow, or fast, down the page. To me, punctuation is direction from the writer to the reader. Use it, or don't , to your heart's desire and don't let anyone persuade you otherwise.

Overall I though this was a wonderful poem. The rhyming and message delivered was very moving and uplifting in a spiritual way.

939

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14 days may be credited.

#3230922

Review of Snow and Rain: a night on Mt. Hood

Review by ~WhoMe???~

In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP

Rated: E

| (4.5)

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"Snow and Rain: a night on Mt. Hood"

DaviDivinci

This is a harrowing tale of two adults who have a drive and mission. They both have a passion for climbing, and Mt. Hood is in their sites. They have prepared for this and together they begin their ascent. This is the short story of one trip and the emotions and thoughts of David .

~starting a sentence with a conjunction, but or and, creates an incomplete sentence for the reader. This can be changed by adding a comma and joining the sentence with the previous one, since they are of the same subject. That, or drop the conjunction and open strong for the next sentence. Though the use of conjunctions to start sentences is becoming more of a norm in todays writings, it is still frowned upon in many writing circles. When used with slang terminology, the use of conjunctions to start sentences is a commonality.

~ parallel to a snow fence that marked
it appears a word was missing from the text, though this could be my mistake, thought it worth mentioning though

~towards~ represents directional movement or action of time. In speech many people like to take the action words and give them an added syllable "s" to help propel them forward. Already being a word of action, this effort is unnecessary and leads to creating a slang term. This terminology then transfers into our writing. Now, if the piece of writing already contains slang terminology throughout the piece, then this would be acceptable, if not, then I would alter the word to the proper form, as I suggest with this instance. This also happens with forward, beside, inward, downward, afterwards, outward, backward, and upward, to name a few. I noticed that there is one use with the "s" and one use without it in this piece.

How does David know that it is only 17 degrees???

The paragraph where Tami pulls up short and tells David that she likes it when he leads is very descriptive. It is a poetic paragraph which creates a tapestry of illustration for the reader to visualize. Very creative and well told.

Overall I felt this was well written. I enjoyed reading this and found myself wondering of the next trip the two made together, if there were one.
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940

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#3230828

Review of Where Death Comes Home

Review by ~WhoMe???~

In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP

Rated: E

| (5.0)

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"Where Death Comes Home"

SueVN

Taking a look at how people cope in different situations, this is a heartwrenching tragedy. Stacy and Mike both have difficult times ahead as they must make the arrangements for the men returning home. How each one deals with the stress and emotion of such tasks set before them is well illustrated. This is more than just conflict though. This is a representation of a nation coming together to honor those that gave their lives to protect our way of life. This is a tale of honor and sacrifice all should read.

The first sentence after the first major paragraph, has the word Park capitalized, and I didn't see the significance of this. I think this is just an error caused by editing.

Grief seemed to have sucked oxygen from the hangar
The red bold word is missing from this sentence

This is well written. The spelling, punctuation, and grammar all seem to be in order. There were two minor issues pointed out, but neither detract from this honorable story.

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941

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#3230561

Review of Memories of Christmas Past

Review by ~WhoMe???~

In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP

Rated: 13+

| (5.0)

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"Memories of Christmas Past"

J. A. Buxton

Brief Summary:

What is it that makes up that special Christmas Morning that will forever stand out as your favorite? This short piece is about that special day which was a perfect morning. As a child, was it the toy under the tree that you had asked santa for? Or is there something else that made that memory stand out above all, this short story is one memory shared with us all.

Suggestions:

I could find nothing to suggest for this piece other than the fact that it would look good in a book of memories as a published piece.

What I liked about this piece:

To me, the fact that at such a young age, realizing that special at the time of its conception is such a treasure. Keeping that memory alive and then sharing it becomes a treasure we can all share.

Thoughts provoked:

This reminds me of my one perfect morning. It was Mother's Day, I was still in High School, and had an inkling to write my mother a poem for the special occasion. The words wouldn't come to me, so I went outside. As the sun rose over the desert and painted her palette of crayons onto the bright horizon, the words began to flow from pen to paper. I must have written four or five pages before realizing the sun was up and the poem was finished. My mother loved the poem. Though, I do not remember the poem or its name, I am sure my mother has it hidden away somewhere.

Why I rated this so:

This memory is well written, free of grammar, spelling or punctuation error, and a pleasure to read.

~

~Thank you for sharing your creative writing skills

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942

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#3230155

Review of Love Is Colourless

Review by ~WhoMe???~

In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP

Rated: ASR

| (5.0)

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"Love Is Colourless"

Andrea

In reading this short story written or last edited over four years ago, I find myslef wondering that in the more modern times, and as Laura has grown, have you found the prejudice to have given way to something else? Have your parents opened their hearts and minds to receive Laura and your husband?

I can not comment too much on the writing itself. It is well written, free of grammar, spelling and punctuation errors. Therefore I left with the questions and thoughts that come up from the writing.

This is riddled with emotion and turmoil. The thick of the matter is the racism is playing a part in your life and you would like it not to. The obstacle then is getting over this hurdle. Can you get those that are so blinded to open their eyes and truly see with their hearts? I am curious as to what a follow up piece would have to tell me.

943

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14 days may be credited.

#3229992

Review of SWEET KISSES

Review by ~WhoMe???~

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Rated: 18+

| (5.0)

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"SWEET KISSES"

SHERRI GIBSON

Brief Summary:

Made up of sets of rhyming couplets, this great poem rhymes with rhythm as it cascades down the page in a heated caress of love. This great poem had me thinking of my boyfriend and the love we both share. I was able to relate to this on a very personal level.

Suggestions:

This is one piece of perfection ready to be published nd placed in a book of poetry created by you.

What I liked about this piece:

Ther personal level of which I could so easily connect with this moved me beyond words.

Areas that I had trouble with:

Absolutely none. This is well written. The grammar, spelling and punctuation are all in order. The rhythm and rhyme sing their own tune.

~

~Thank you for sharing your creative writing skills

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944

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#3229756

Review of Simple Treasurers, Simple Pleasures

Review by ~WhoMe???~

In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP

Rated: E

| (5.0)

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"Simple Treasurers, Simple Pleasures"

Kenzie

Brief Summary:

The simple things in life are often the most treasured. This is a short memory being shared of treasured moments with family and some of the precious items found after the passing and departure of a loved one.

Suggestions:

I could find nothing to add to this piece. If I could suggest , I would like seeing this in a book of memories or family treasure book.

What I liked about this piece:

This is a piece I could relate to on so many levels that it was scary. This last year we attended a funeral for my grandfather. We had lost grandma several years prior and were waiting to have one service for the both of them. In years past we had family reunions on a regular yearly basis. As everyone grew older, these became less frequent, with less family showing each time. With grandma's alzheimer's things went quickly. Upon returning for the funeral that turned into more of a family reunion, we too were blessed with a union of memories and special momentums.

Areas that I had trouble with:

Choking back the tears from the memories this brought up. A heartwarming and sad piece all in one.

Why I rated this so:

A very good writing. Free from errors of grammar, spelling and punctuation. A piece that provoked memories to surface.

~

~Thank you for sharing your creative writing skills

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945

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#3228622

Review of My friends, awards, donations upgrades

Review by ~WhoMe???~

In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP

Rated: E

| (5.0)

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A Read All About It Package for Humming Bird

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" My friends, awards, donations upgrades"

Humming Bird

Brief Summary:

This is a cozy little place to stop and visit. Here by the fireplace I was able to meet some friends of the host, as well as to see some she has helped along the way with small acts of kindness.

Suggestions:

I went to purchase some images to help out the wonderful causes you are supporting, only to find none there. This was a bit outdated and needed some new sigs. Or perhaps a new link to start the ball running again.

What I liked about this piece:

With your new promotion, and glowing daffodil smile, I expect to see more of you around. You have always seemed to be a social butterfly who would randomly land on my doorstep. I see here why you have been so busy... Keep up the great work.

Areas that I had trouble with:

NONE. This was a pleasure to read. I enjoyed perusing through your port. The spelling and punctuation were in order. There was one member listed who has since left, and a link to a folder with no images, other than that this was error free.

~

~Thank you for sharing your creative writing skills

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946

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#3228554

Review of Deep in my heart

Review by ~WhoMe???~

In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP

Rated: E

| (5.0)

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"Deep in my heart"

Humming Bird

Brief Summary:

These are heartfelt emotions cascading down the page, describing feelings and standards. With an alternate rhyme scheme, this poem of friendship an love is one that moves me emotionally.

Suggestions:

~ In the second verse, the punctuation is off. I am not sure there should have been a period after the word sickness. I think it should belong after the word depression.

What I liked about this piece:

This was an emotional piece that actually has morals to stand behind. A very good poem.

Areas that I had trouble with:

None, this is well written. The grammar and spelling all appear to be in order, with only minor punctuation adjustments needed.

Why I rated this so:

A well deserving piece.

~

~Thank you for sharing your creative writing skills

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947

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#3228492

Review of Wdc 10th birthday gift exchange

Review by ~WhoMe???~

In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP

Rated: E

| (5.0)

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A Read All About It Package for Humming Bird

from very thankful

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"Wdc 10th birthday gift exchange"

Humming Bird

Brief Summary:

This is an activity for all! A gift package exchange to help ring in the new year. Packages of many kinds are being donated in order to help our new preffered authorHumming Bird

thank the many friends here on writing dot com.

Suggestions:

If you haven't already, I would suggest posting this in the activities page, as well as sending an email out to all groups you are currently a member of. The more the merrier. Lets turn this exchange into a New Year's Party!

What I liked about this piece:

This is an activity of which anyone can participate. This is being hosted by a wonderful writing dot com friend. I am glad to be a participant.

Areas that I had trouble with:

None, this is well lain out and easy to follow. The artwork is minimal and the decorations in accordance with the festivities.

Why I rated this so:

A five star winner!!!

~

~Thank you for sharing your creative writing skills

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948

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#3226865

Review of The Gardenia

Review by ~WhoMe???~

In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP

Rated: E

| (5.0)

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Fyn

"The Gardenia"

Brief Summary:

This is a story of life and growth. The gardenia plant is used as a metaphor of life. With each and every new bloom happening in its own time. This is the story of a young military careered woman whose life is influenced by a plant.

Suggestions:

~towards~ represents directional movement or action of time. In speech many people like to take the action words and give them an added syllable "s" to help propel them forward. Already being a word of action, this effort is unnecessary and leads to creating a slang term. This terminology then transfers into our writing. Now, if the piece of writing already contains slang terminology throughout the piece, then this would be acceptable, if not, then I would alter the word to the proper form, as I suggest with this instance. This also happens with forward, beside, inward, downward, afterwards, outward, backward, and upward, to name a few.

What I liked about this piece:

I found this to be a very touching poem. It was highly racked with emotional pull for this reader and left me with thoughts to ponder. A great writing for the masses.

Areas that I had trouble with:

None. This is a well written story. The punctuation, grammar and spelling all appear to be in order. The storyline is smooth and easy to follow as is the plot and the character support.

Why I rated this so:

A writing I wouldn't mind returning to read over and over. I felt this was well deserving of five stars and many reviews. A very well written story.

~

~Thank you for sharing your creative writing skills

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#3226742

Review of Love's Good-bye

Review by ~WhoMe???~

In affiliation with JUST BECAUSE I WANT TO FORUM T...

Rated: E

| (5.0)

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"Love's Good-bye"

Brief Summary:

Saying goodbye is never easy. This love poem is of alternate rhyming couplets. Each verse is of a parting. I can see this as a husband and wife saying goodbye each morning as one heads off to the office. I envision this as good sound advice for newlyweds and lovers alike.

Suggestions:

The only suggestion I had for this piece was to offer it up for publication. This is well written and holds great insight and example to follow.

What I liked about this piece:

This is like a piece out of my own fairytale. We part each day with a kiss and wishes of well. Then talk on the phone at breaks, again parting with the same, over the phone. Then in the evening, we welcome each other back the same way.

Areas that I had trouble with:

Absolutely none. This is well written and a great joy to read.

~

~Thank you for sharing your creative writing skills

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#3226726

Review of Sentimental cNote Shop

Review by ~WhoMe???~

In affiliation with JUST BECAUSE I WANT TO FORUM T...

Rated: E

| (5.0)

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Review 2 of 3

"Sentimental cNote Shop"

Brief Summary:

A cnote shop filled with unique and interesting cards that I couldn't resist. Some were tailored, some where generic, yet each held a purpose and had meaning. I just had to send a few out immediately. I didn't even wait for the review to be over, let alone start.

Suggestions:

The variety is great. I would suggest creating another such as this one. Other than that, there is no error with this one so nothing I could comment on suggestion wise.

What I liked about this piece:

I think my favorite would have to be the coffee mug with the smiley face in the foam. Such a description often pictured or associated with my name is a coffee mug, so I had to send a few out.

Areas that I had trouble with:

Stopping with only sending out the few cnotes from this shop that I did, for there are many great cards to choose from.

~

~Thank you for sharing your creative writing skills

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