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 |   Drop by drop the snow pack dies, watering the arid lands below. |
    Other Blogs and Journals containing the continuing writing adventures of Prosperous Snow celebrating   "The Snowflake Chronicles"  "More Snow Melt" "Writing in Snow" "Welcome to My Life" "Memories of Snow" "Dreams of Snow " Poet999's Thoughts about Writing and Other Stuff http://poet999writingthoughts.blogspot.com/ Poet999 - A Butterfly Emerges From Her Cocoon http://poet999.blogspot.com/ |
| Across "Invalid Entry" I see my grandfather laying in a hospital bed awake, but not conscious of his surrounding or of me feeding him heated baby food. His eyes were open and he stared into the space above his bed, I don't know what he saw. Perhaps he looked at the angel of death waiting to embrace him. What I do know is that he ate the food and didn't choke. After he finished and the tray was put aside, I took his hand. I took his hand and stoked it, caressed it as I would the hand of a child. I took his hand and he stopped breathing. His death wasn't painful or frightening, it was easy as if he walked through a door into another room. I called the nurse, the Sisters of Mercy came in, sent me out of the room, and they baptized him. He was a Southern Baptist and they sprinkled him with holy water. I'm sure that's what they did, because it came to light with another patient on his death bed that that was what they did when a patient died. I don't find it offensive and I don't think Grandpa would. Grandpa had Alzheimer's Disease or what appeared to be Alzheimer's. My grandfather worked at a zinc smelter for over 30 years before there were laws to protect the workers from the zinc pollution. So it's possible he suffered from the effects of the zinc pollution. However, it wasn't that which killed him. He died of lung cancer. My grandfather smoked since he was 13 years old. My grandfather rolled his own cigarettes. I can remember sitting on his lap and watching him roll a cigarette. After he rolled the cigarette, he went outside or to his room to smoke. He never smoked in the same room with his grandchildren or wife. To this day I remember the aroma of Prince Albert Smoking Tobacco, the brand Grandpa used. ** Image ID #1382532 Unavailable ** |
| Kamal (Perfection), 5 Mulk (Dominion), 164 B.E. - Monday, February 11, 2008 about 11:01 AM PST About once every 12 or 19 months I go through the I'm going to sell/hock the computer because we need the money. It's probably not something I'm actually planning on doing. To begin with, I would have to take it apart, get it out to the car, take it to the pawnshop, get it out of the car again and take it inside. That's too much like physical labor for me to even consider. Mind you I don't mind physical labor, as long as it's planting a garden or doing housework. Besides considering the price of gas, it's just not worth the trouble. Talking about the price of gas, I was thrilled yesterday when I had enough left over from getting cat litter to get a gallon of gas. I went to Food 4 Less to get the cat litter and since it was a weekend I bought it at their green tag special, while it wasn't the brand I normally buy it will work. I think my basic problem is the glass half-empty syndrome, which has been my perspective for about a year now. I'm tired of seeing the glass half-empty, I want to see it half-full again. I'm not precisely sure when my perspective changed. It either occurred before or after my mother went into the hospital in March 2007. I'm in the process now of changing the perspective, but it's going to take time and patience. |
| "Invalid Entry" Yes, they care. We care. I care. The problem is I can't afford to keep mine. True we have too many, but it's my own fault for not insisting we give some of Rusty's kittens away when they were young, but I couldn't. I can see what I should have done, but shoulding on myself doesn't solve the problem. We (Mom and I) can't afford to keep them and can't get any assistance when it comes to the cats. The suggestion was made that if I remove them one-at-a-time, Mom isn't going to notice. That isn't true, she will notice. Just because she is 86 doesn't mean she is senile. From what I've found in dealing with most people in the past several months (since March 2007) they seem to think that anyone over the age of 80 is senile and incapable of know their own mind or knowing what's going on. My choice today (February 10) is between cat litter and gas for the car. I have only $4 and some change in my wallet. There isn't any more money, my bank account is still overdrawn (all though not as bad as it was in January), at least the little bit coming into my PayPal account takes the overdraft down. However, there is still the problem of what to do with the cat, paying for their shots, buying food and cat litter. Mom has a credit card, but we had to use that to get tires for the car. I got a good deal on four tires at Discount Tire, but that still doesn't leave very much on the card. I don't think there is enough to get cat litter or gas for that matter. I'm either ranting or complaining, but I just don't know what to do. I'm going to call the pound and see if their taking cats. The last time I called they weren't taking any cats and the other agencies either didn't get back to me or weren't taking cats either. Now I'm afraid to call because if their not taking cats I don't know what I'm going to do and if they are taking cats then I have to take the cats in. Taking the cats to the pound with Mom in the house is going to be difficult at best. I don't want to do it anymore then she does, but I don't have any choice. That's the problem with being poor and not having enough money coming into the house, you don't have a choice. I don't know how to get the cats out of the house, Mom won't discuss it logically and I don't want her to feel she has no say in this matter, but I don't see any other options. I know what my problem is, I think of the cats as my babies and you just can't get rid of your babies. I'm not writing logically on this subject, I'm rambling all over; free writing my thoughts (which usually helps solve the problem, but not this time). I'm going to call my sister again and see if she answers her phone. She's not answering when I call because she knows I'm calling about the $100 a month she's suppose to send to Mom and hasn't. I understand that she has bills, but she also has an addiction on which she spends money not used to pay bills. Maybe I'm being too hard on her and maybe I'm not, all I know is I can't depend on her for help when it's needed. My brothers have helped all they can, so why can't my sister? Mom's account was overdrawn at the beginning of February because we had to pay two months car insurance. I suspect its going to be overdrawn when her checks come in March as well. This time the phone bill and I'm not even going to mention any of the others. At least we have water for a while, but I owe my neighbor the money for paying the last bill and getting the water turned on. I've thought about taking my computer to Super Pawn, I think I might get $50, but that isn't even sure. I do have a new mouse, but the keys on the keyboard stick periodically. I'm going to end now, make my phone call, take a bath and then decide what I'm going to do. No matter what I'm still going to have to get rid of my cats, of my babies and I'm not sure I can do that. ** Image ID #1382532 Unavailable ** |
| "Invalid Entry" is never the dollar price laid out for whatever objects the collector buys. Most collectors acquire objects not because of the financial cost, but because there is something about the object that gives them pleasure. I collect Harley-Davidson items. I rode on only one Harley-Davidson in my life. I rode on the bitch seat behind the driver. I felt the power of the motorcycle and I fell in loved the motorcycle. I suppose being in love with a Harley-Davidson is better the being in love with the driver. The motor cycle isn't going to hurt you and it isn't going to break your heart. The motorcycle is going to be there for you all the time. Every time you mount it, you can feel the power flowing through it and into your body. A Harley-Davidson is everything a woman could want in a man and it won't leave you for another woman. It's always going to be there for you, it's always going the feel the same every time you get on it. There are a lot of Harley-wanna-bes out there, but they are not the same. Even looking at them you know they are not the same. You know when you get on them they aren't going to feel the same, when you start the motor you know it's not going to sound the same. True some of the Harley-wanna-bes cost about the same, but you don't buy a Harley-Davidson because of the cost. One buys a Harley-Davidson for one of two reasons. First, owning and riding one makes you feel like you could conquer the universe. Second, a Harley is America's motorcycle and you are being patriotic when you own one. Harley-Davidson has gone international, but it was still born and raised in America. It is still the choice of police and state trooper across the country. It's the motorcycle that was on the front lines, with American troops, in World War I and World War II. ** Image ID #1382532 Unavailable ** |
| "Strike out" the past in this new century the world our parents and grandparents knew is dead dissolved into the pain of old idealistic attitudes when faced with a new reality. Old infrastructures are crumbling into dust as the foundations they were based on disintegrate, because they are top heavy. Strike out yesterday's desires in the light of a new reality, when hunger pain your belly meet moths in your purse. The rich do not hear the midnight wailing of the poor, when the gold in their pockets make louder noises. Strike out reality shows with no basis in a reality where an out of work writer holds a sign, which reads Will write for food! We live in an age of transition, of change, of evolution, when the concepts of yesterday have become nails in our coffins. Strike out old concepts, ideals, and beliefs, that no longer contribute to humanity's survival by encouraging the survival of its individual components. ** Image ID #1382532 Unavailable ** |
Istijlal (Majesty), 1 Mulk (Dominion), 164 B.E. - Thursday, February 7, 2008 about 6:04 AM PST I am thankful for the TCBY yogurt and short bread cookies given to us by the hostess of the Feast of Dominion. I am thankful for the New Day Calendar on my computer's desk top, which shows the Baha'i month and days of the week when I boot my computer. I am thankful that the clock radio that plays music when the alarm goes off. I am thankful that this morning's breakfast is frozen yogurt, cookies and coffee. I am thankful that Mom is walking without her walker at home and doing some of the housework. I am thankful for the new tires we have on the car. I am thankful that I can watch the sky out my living room window as dawn approaches. |
"I guess it shouldn't surprise us to find ourselves linked with the stars. Every atom of gold or silver jewelry was created in supernovas. The water we drink, the air we breathe, the ground we walk, the complicated pouch of fluids and salts and minerals and bones we are -- all forged in some early chaos of our sun. I think it was the astrophysicist John Wheeler who remarked that we are the sun's way of thinking about itself." Diane Ackerman, *A Slender Thread: Rediscovering Hope at the Heart of Crisis* I am an atom of stardust; I am a ray of sun shine; I am a photon of starlight; I move through cold hydrogen to warm planets and guide ships at sea. Since March 12, 2007, I've lived in the state of chaos. I've alternately felt like a star on the verge of becoming a supernova or like I'm in the process of giving birth. Perhaps the two conditions are the same, I'm not sure at this point. The one thing I'm sure of is that I'm not the same person I was on March 12 when I took my mother, doubled over in pain, to the Emergency Room. Part of the new me I like because I'm facing issues that I didn't a year ago. Part I don't like because I'm seeing aspects of myself I didn't know existed and would prefer didn't exist. One of the things I'm realizing is that I didn't like myself very much, in fact I'm beginning to think I hated myself. I'm starting to like myself, perhaps even love myself. I starting to trust my own thoughts and decision making abilities. I'm becoming less afraid and more bold. I'm beginning to shine. I've found one of my problems is my worst case scenario thinking. Take last week for instance. I was sick one night in pain and throwing up. I decided that the problem was I had an intestinal blockage and was probably going to die. I was in too much pain to drive myself to the ER and stop for gas on the way. I had no intention of calling an ambulance. I figured my mother would find me the next morning dead on the couch. I tried sleeping in bed, but it was way too far to walk to the bathroom when I had to throw up, so I set on the couch and tried to sleep. Events since have proved I don't have an intestinal blockage, but it seems the worst case scenario thinking applies to other parts of my life as well. I'm going to have to watch my though process and focus my imagination on writing. It will make 2008 less stressful and help me solve my problems. 2008 started out a little better, at least I don't feel like I'm going to became a supernova. Lead Entry for "Follow the Leader" by mood indigo  |
| "Invalid Entry" for a poet is when all the elements of a poem come together to bring tears to the reader's eyes. This doesn't mean the poem is sad, it means the poet presents emotions so well the reader can react in no other way. I'm not sure that any of my poems have achieved that, but I'm still working toward that goal. We achieve perfection by degrees. A process of steps that takes the person to higher and higher levels of achievement. There are times in everyone's life when one achieves perfection on a momentary basis, but once that moment is encounter we move to a higher level and have to begin the struggle for perfection all over again. If perfection is achieved on the first attempt then the task was too easy and it won't build confidence. Struggle is a part of the human make up, if we don't struggle to achieve anything, even perfection, then we don't appreciate it. Life without struggle is boring and unfulfilling. If blessed by not having to struggle for survival then we look to something else to fulfill that need to achieve perfection. Sometime I find myself griping when I'm struggling for something or with a difficulty. Then I remember the gardener. When a gardener trims a fruit tree, prunes a rose bush or culls plants, it seems cruel. However, if fruit tree isn't trimmed then the fruit that it produces is of poor quality and not perfect or good to the taste. If a rose bush isn't pruned, the flowers are smaller and of poor quality and if plants aren't culled they crowd each other. ** Image ID #1382532 Unavailable ** |
| I grew up with secrets, Not the type of secrets I could tell my friends in junior high or high school. I couldn't tell them because things like that didn't happen to nice girls or in good families. How could I tell the people I went to school and church with that the man they though was my stepfather, was never married to my mother even though she used his name? How could I tell them that he came into the room and the bed I shared with my sister at night? How could I tell them what he did? In Blackwell I had few friends in junior high, how can you have friends when you can't tell them secrets? In Blackwell, we had our grandparents to give us some protection. He took care of that by moving us to Shawnee. This brought up a whole new set of problems. I had no friends in high school because of the secret. Only now it had gotten even worse, now he was married to my younger sister. I finished high school, but my sister didn't. Several years ago, a friend ask me if my sister and I were half sisters because she and my mother had the same name and mine was different. I told her no, but I didn't tell her anything else. I didn't tell the secret because I was afraid to tell her or anyone else. At 61, I am no longer afraid to tell my secret. My sister and I were molested, my sister married her abuser. At 61 the only thing I am afraid of is dying without reaching my full potential on this material plain. ** Image ID #1382532 Unavailable ** |
| "Invalid Entry" memories out of the past reverberate through corridors of cold hydrogen; interstellar engines die in subspace leaving crews and passengers stranded in the darkness of between. Haunted places hold memories of old crimes that, like endlessly looping cassette tapes replay for tourist dollars. Haunted the Bird Cage reverberates with the song of dice and the whirl of a Roulette Wheel; a headless cowboy walks past and the aroma of Charoots scent the air. Haunted shadows walk through the door of yesterday onto the stage of today, pause to allow us a fleeting glimpse, and exit into tomorrow leaving behind more questions then we can answer. Haunted on a windless day a door opens to allow a recently buried friend into the house. Haunted wars leave behind the souls of those so quickly killed that the don't realize their bodies are decomposing in unmarked graves. Haunted by the fear that their bodies would wash ashore and go unburied sailors pierced their ears and inserted gold rings as payment for Christian burials. ** Image ID #1382532 Unavailable ** |
| The thing I find intriguing about "Invalid Entry" and its various factions, is that they remind me of warring city states or nations. Each camp is so convinced that it is right and everyone else is wrong that they refuse to look for or even see what they have in common. This same idea applies to religions and spiritual concepts as well. There is only one creative force, the majority of people on Earth call this creative force God and each religion has its own name or names for this force. The Divine Creative Force is an unknowable spiritual essence. The human soul or spirit seeks to know and love this creative force. While in this material existence, the soul is bound to the body it became partnered with at conception. The soul attempts to acquire knowledge of the Creator through the tools it has here on Earth. That is science, religion and meditation. The soul or the spirit is a non-material or nonphysical essence. When the body dies the soul is freed to ascend through all the worlds of God. While bound to the body, the soul develops spiritual attributes (faith, love, patience, etc.), which dress and give it wings on the next phase of its journey. The soul's main goal is to become one with the Divine Beloved (God, the Creator, etc.). On the material plain, the individual soul has specific lessons it must learn here. These lessons are different for each soul and individual. As the soul moves from the conception of the body to the body's physical death, it grows, evolves, learns its lessens, and develops spiritual attributes. When the body dies, the soul, probably mourns the death of its partner but, moves on to the next phase of its existence. ** Image ID #1382532 Unavailable ** |
| Life is full of "Invalid Entry" , duality, yen and yang, darkness and light, sadness and joy, etc. That's because humans are dual natured creatures. We have both a body, which is part of the material or physical creation, and a soul, which is a part of the spiritual creation. Each emotion has its opposite emotion. When we feel one emotion, we often feel its opposite at the same time. The reason for this is that both the ego (physical or material) and the soul (spirit) are involved. When the soul is happy about something then the ego is sad or when the ego is happy then the soul is sad. The reason for this is that when the soul is happy the ego knows that it is going to sacrifice its own pleasure so that the soul can grow and become strong. This is my own personal theory gleaned for over 60 years of struggle between my ego and my soul. I've found that when my ego sacrifices then my soul grows, but that later on the sacrifice helps my self-esteem and thus my ego in some small way. That is because the soul is a spiritual entity and is willing to share with its partner in this life. The soul realizes that it isn't diminished by the sacrifices, but rather enhanced and strengthened. Every sacrifice made by the ego or the soul will help the soul grow in someway. Of course, if one makes sacrifices deliberately it should be the ego sacrificing for the soul, but that is often very difficult. That's one of the reason we have children. Children force the ego to make sacrifices that enhance the individual's soul. ** Image ID #1382532 Unavailable ** |
| I am stranded on a "Invalid Entry" with three items and one person. The problem is choosing the items and the person. I have difficulties making certain types of decisions, which is probably why I work on a spur of the moment decision-making process. Being stranded on a desert island fits the spur of the moment process because you usually don't know ahead of time. From the movies, I've watch about people being stranded on a desert island you don't get much of a choice. People end up on desert islands for one of two reasons, (1) the boat/airplane sinks/crashes or (2) they sign some agreement, in which they didn't read the fine print, and are transported to the island in some way. In either case, they have no choice of anything and have to react in the moment. However, if I have a choice of things and person that means that (1) I did read the fine print in the contract or (2) had a premonition that the boat/airplane would sink/crash. If a humanoid looking robot counts as a person and not a thing, then the person I want is Data of Star Trek fame. As for the items a laptop computer with unlimited storage space on the hard drive and two books (1) The Dawn Breakers and (2) Tablets of the Lord of Host. I like the idea of being stranded on a desert island, not alone of course. However, I know I wouldn't anyone related to me by blood or marriage there. After about seven days I wouldn't want any other human being there either, so that is why Data would be a good choice of person for me. The Tablets of the Lord of Host is a book of scripture so that takes care of my spiritual needs. Although if I don't take a prayer book with me then I'm going to have to memorize the Long Healing Prayer (I'm still attempting to do that) and perhaps the Long Obligatory Prayer (that I'm working on as well). The Dawn Breakers is a book I'm attempting to read, I've attempted it before, bu haven't succeeded as yet. ** Image ID #1382532 Unavailable ** |
| I saw "Invalid Entry" once. They were in a Disney cartoon, they wore tutus and danced across the screen. I'm not sure of the title, I think it might have been the Sorcerer's Apprentice, but that was a long time ago and I've seen a lot of Disney cartoons since. I don't need jungle fever or magic mushrooms to give me strange, wonderful, weird, and colorful dreams. All I need to do is close my eyes, go to sleep and dream in color. 99% of my dreams and nightmares are in full blown Technicolor. The first dream I remember having as a child was in color. In this dream I saw Christ returning in the clouds of glory. The light hiding his face and eyes was a bright white light. The sky behind him and the clouds was blue, but the clouds were pure white like the fleece of sheep right after a rain. His robe was white, he descended to a green earth and the shadow of his descent to the earth was golden. I've had other colorful dreams since, but the one about Christ has remained with me vibrant and clear as when I first saw the vision. I've come to the conclusion that it was a vision rather than just an ordinary dream. When I was a child both my parents and grandparents had black and white T.V. sets, I was disappointed because the people events I saw on T.V. weren't as colorful as those in my dreams. I'm still disappointed, I have found no color T.V. that can equal the colors in my dreams. I'm not sure that the color technology can ever equal the colors I see in my dreams. The colors in my dreams look much purer then those I see on T.V. or at a movie. The colors in my dreams are vibrant and living, they're like the colors you see in nature right after a rains storm. |
| "if money was no object" I would be warm I would turn the heat up as high I could to keep Mom, the cats and myself warm all winter long. if money was no object I would have a penthouse apartment in Chicago, a vacation home in Haifa, a farm in Oklahoma, and a private cruise ship for a yacht. if money was no object I would buy myself a Harley-Davidson, my mother a silver Rolls Royce, and then I would hire a good looking chaufar to drive her anywhere she wanted to go. if money was no object I would start a Food Bank, where the homeless and the poor could get free food for themselves and their pets 24/7. if money was no object I would provide solar ovens for women Dufar or any other country that needed them. if money was no object my life would be less complicated in some ways and more complicated in others; I could pay off all my debts and take a vacation to any country on the planet any time I wanted. if money was no object I could fund the international space station and build a private residence on the moon. if money was no object I could start a national health fund for anyone who couldn't afford health insurance. |
| I'm not offended by the title "five takes on fellatio" or the content of the leading entry by mood indigo . If I were offended I'd probably ask myself Why are you offended, Snow? Don't get me wrong, there are a number of things I'm offended by, but I like to know why I'm offended. If I don't know the reason I'm offended, then how can I talk logically about the subject or the reason I'm offended. I think that's one of the things that's wrong with the world today. People get offended by a number of different things, but don't know why they're offended. When confronted on the offensive subject they end up quoting scripture and verse, without giving any logical explanation. I've taken the old adage Know thyself to heart, which results in a lot of personal psychoanalyzing. That's why I have an offline journal called Writing My Spiritual Journey. That journal contains letters written, not to myself, but to my soul's beloved. I normally don't write letters to myself, the only exception to this is my entry in the Dear Me contest this year. When I write a letter in one of my journals, it's addressed to my muse, my inner critic, etc.. bit never to myself. This, in a round about sort of way, brings me back to the subject of the entry and why I can now talk logically to my grandnieces concerning this subject (if they every ask me). I know why I said yes, when he asked me to do it and my gut feeling told me to get up and walk out the door. I wasn't in love with him and I'm not even sure that I was in lust. I just had so little self-esteem that I couldn't say no, even when my feminine intuition told me to leave. |
| Kamal (Perfection), 10 Sultan (Sovereignty), 164 B.E. - Sunday, January 27, 2008 about 7:41 PM PST The Follow the Leader journaling contest is back and I'm doing it again. "Follow the Leader" [13+] by mood indigo begins Monday, January 28. I'm looking forward to the fun and responding the intriguing leading entries. I'm scheduled to the the leading entry on Monday, February 11. I have time to come up with something. Perhaps I'll just let the chips fall where they may and do a spur of the moment entry.I don't want to obsess over this because when I over think an entry or a situation, I discard my first and usually best idea. February 11 is close to Valentines Day, but I doubt that I'll do anything with that particular theme. I'm romantic, but when it come to love and writing romantic stuff it usually turns out bitter or really weird and odd. Come to think of it, I believe my sister and her second husband were married on Valentines day. That didn't turn out very well. I don't think getting married on a day like that is a good idea. If I were going to get married, I'd pick a Wednesday that wasn't a holiday of any type. I'm not sure why I would pick a Wednesday, except that the middle of the week seems like a good day to get married. Maybe it's because Wednesday and Wedding start with the same letter. |
| Jamal (Beauty), 9 Sultan (Sovereignty), 164 B.E. - Sunday, January 27, 2008 about 9:07 AM PST A wet day in Las Vegas all the roads are slick waiting for drivers who speed. It was nice to wake up and look out my window, it is a beautiful rainy day. The problem is drivers who forget from one rain to the next that the roads are slick. Then there are those who drive or attempt to drive through standing water. They forget that if there is water in the middle of the street it is probably too deep to drive through even with an SUV. |
| 'Idal (Justice), 5 Sultan (Sovereignty), 164 B.E. - Tuesday, January 22, 2008 about 5:26 PM PST It's sunset in Las Vegas there is no red sky tonight even though the day started out cloudy. There are no western clouds tonight the sunset is pale white not burning red or scarlet the way a desert sunset should be on a cloudy day. I contemplate the day and wonder if I should get out more even though the price of gas prevents me from going very far. I did get out today when I sifted the cat litter I took it out to the garage, but I don't think that counts as an outing. I need to get out more before sunset or after sunset to poetry readings or First Friday. My muse seems to be going to sleep perhaps its the unspectacular sunsets that make her yawn. |
| Kamal (Perfection), 3 Sultan 164 B.E. - Monday, January 21, 2008 about 10:54 AM PST I'm beginning a new phase of my life all the signs are there the three dreams, which occur just before it begins, the stress surrounding labor and a new birth. The stress and labor pains always occur in the year preceding the new phase the birth of a new life. The dreams are of my grandparents and come on three consecutive nights: the first dream is always the same, in it my mother and I (it's always my mother and I none of my siblings are ever in this dream) are in Blackwell, Oklahoma, in my grandparents house. The reason we're there is for my grandparent funeral and to dispose of their property; my cousins are in the dream (they never change and they never age) and we're discussing what to do with the house, what Mom and I want to take back to Vegas with us; our plane is leaving that afternoon so we have to decide what we want and what we can take on the plane, the rest will be sent to us; my cousins will sell or buy the house themselves it's never clear precisely which. The other two dreams are always different, but my grandparents are alway in them alive and will and happy. In one dream I'm always losing something, or leaving something somewhere, or getting something stolen from me, I never find it its always important (at least in the dream) and I'm not afraid just concerned. In the other dream I'm always at a lose for words. All the signs are there, a new phase of my life has begun and I'm at a lose for words. |
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