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Review of Unknown  Open in new Window.
Review by eyestar~* Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (3.0)
*Balloonp* Welcome to WDC tenesa! I am here with a review to celebrate you! *Delight*

*Fairy* Your title is intriguing and when I read your short piece I was wondering if the unknown was like this fact that we might not have known about you. *Smile* I liked your last line as it made me smile.

The writing is factual and made me want to ask why. I think you could add more detail like why you like it, what your favourites are, etc. How is Asian horror different from other types?
So many queries are evoked by this short bit. *Thumbsup*

*Burstr* I see you have it in the genre of Horror/scarey though the writing is more bio or personal. It could be scary too...as You like horror. *Laugh*
I see you have it categorized as a chapter and wonder if there is more.

It appears this may be your first trial entry..and it works! Hope you will get a little bio block up soon and add some more to this. We have lots of members who like horror and even have a contest called "SCREAMS!!!" Open in new Window. if you like to write or even read horror of other types.

*Star*Thanks for jumping into WDC and sharing. Hope to see you around and maybe even on the review pages too. *Wink*

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#1300305 by Maryann Author IconMail Icon

A birthday gift
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Review of Snow Soup  Open in new Window.
Review by eyestar~* Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.0)
*Balloony*Hiya Mike! *Delight* I am happy to review to celebrate you and share my perspective as a reader. *Bookopen*

The title caught my eye as we are having so much snow that the idea of your title was intriging. I had a good laugh reading. The conversation between the couple is so effective and fun. I could just imagine his calm logic and her wrath. *Thumbsup* I like how you kept up her intensity and his logic. The idea that they knew each other well was shown well and affection on his part shown in the word "sweetie". LOL

*Laugh*The husband's comment about the soup at the end was hilarious and your last line shows his getting the idea he was not so bright. Good grief!

The short story was coherent with good sense of puase for the humour. Punctuation in the dialogue and use of italics was effective and assisted the read as well. I really had fun reading. *Smile* Thanks for sharing your vision and craft.

Keep the ink flowing as you follow your muse and write on!*Star*
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#1300305 by Maryann Author IconMail Icon
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Review of Imagine  Open in new Window.
Review by eyestar~* Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.0)
*Balloony*Welcome to WDC Jillian Author Icon! *Delight* I am happy to review to celebrate you and share my perspective as a reader. *Bookopen*

Wow! I enjoyed reading your heartfelt expression and could imagine the difficulty in letting go and all the things that go through to do it. I felt that sometimes you were speaking to the other person and sometimes to oneself.

Your quatrains are effective with a good rhyme scheme. I think in the last few verses your rhymes were weaker, eg. "sleep" with "dreams", "sneak" with "leave" and "meet" with "beliefs" are are a stretch for off rhymes, though the assonance with in them creates a sound effect. *Wink*

The first verses with its images and drew me in. It was cool to read with a good rhythm and all the end rhymes were the same. That is hard to do. *Thumbsup*

Thanks for sharing your unique vision with its potent voice. *Star*

Keep the ink flowing as you follow your muse and write on!*Star*
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#1300305 by Maryann Author IconMail Icon
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Review of Entwined  Open in new Window.
Review by eyestar~* Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hiya Ken! Yay! I get to review your item in 'I Write for 2019!" Nothing like a little payback for your kindness. *Wink*

*Heart*Wow! A romantic love sonnet that raises the ideal of love to alofty place! Your title suggests a captivating image that fits a valentine or love poem as we think of "hearts, bodies or souls entwined" and it is more poetic than embraced.

*Heartv*The structure of the sonnet is sound and you rock at form poems. I can't recall the last time I tried a sonnet! LOL I love reading them though. This fine model has the aura and language that suits the theme and style of poem and it was pleasureable to read aloud. The rhyme is well done and use of assonance and consonance assisted the flow of the read. The images are evocative and I like the contrast of the lasting love with the mundanity of life that might could effect it. The moon image was a wonderful choice to compare the "mystic force" of love.*Thumbsup* Time compared to river and the idea of "mundane waters" is an effective image as well. Wow!

*Heart*I tripped over the word "softly" in line one. I liked the sound and old fashioned feel of "feelings, oft-forgotten...", I had to reread "that followed," the first time to get the meaning. Once I got the flow right, I saw what you meant. eg. "that, if followed," LOL I wonder if the word "if" would be easier. *Think* Not sure. but I get it now.*Wink*

*Heart*The summative couplet was uplifting and reflects back to the first verse where he is meditating on the beloved and how love is strong. One feels the gratitude and marvel. You really captured the life path of this couple with the entwining river of love everpresent.

*Star*Thanks for sharing your gift and romantic vision. You really have a skill for the form and essence of a sonnet. *Salute*

Good luck in the contest!

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Review of Wheel of Fortune  Open in new Window.
for entry "February 14, 2019" Open in new Window.
Review by eyestar~* Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
*Delight*Hi ridinghood! I am happy to review your piece for "I Write in 2019."


The free verse paints a vivid picture of a fun afternoon at the movies. I like the detail and could relate to being the oldest being given the task of taking younger ones on outing. *Smile*

The commentary on the theatre and how valueable it was, even without the added perks, is very clear and I can so agree with the point of view of how it could broaden a life. We lived in the country so not a lot going on. Movies and books sure opened vistas. The concept of the bridge is evocative. The lines contrasting the two places is meaningful too. *Smile*

I take it that the prompt picture stirred memories of staying warm inside or spring coming meant getting outward!

As always I appreciate the tarot reference.

Thanks for sharing your unique vision. *Star*

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Review of Lono  Open in new Window.
Review by eyestar~* Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: E | (4.5)
*Balloonp*Welcome to WDC Kyle! Your wonderful creation popped up on the Read and Review page so here I am to celebrate you with a review! *Delight*

I am glad you put Death as one of your category genres as this is indeed a dark piece. The depressive mood is potent and your tag line is evocative. I get the idea his death is the gift to life. Wow! Sad!

I was drawn into the imagery of the first line. The word "meddling" is interesting and "blue vibrations" I took to be low negative energy. Along with "stone Heart" You set the mood and mental state of the poet. I like how you then address the audience as if telling them what to see. Brilliant. *Smile*

The structure is effective with 4 line verses and a consistent rhyme scheme that helps the flow. Your use of assonance and sounds within words really makes it pleasing to read and adds to the over all poetic feel of the poem.

The use of personification is cool too, as worry "scratches" and "paints". I also liked the vivid "agony to thorns" image.

*starstuck*The poem really captures the helplessness of this lost soul without hope in a vivid way. I like the last line, which leaves a door way to light. Interesting and evocative piece. Thanks for sharing your craft.

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Review of Gutshot  Open in new Window.
Review by eyestar~* Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.0)
*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews ~ Summer Break" Open in new Window.*CakeP*


*BalloonR*HI Mastiff! I am here with a review to celebrate you! *Star*

Wow! Your title was direct and grabbed my attention. The word shouted out into empty space and seemed in my mind to echo the shot! *Think*LOL

This is an effective flash piece as you drew me in quickly to the setting and action. The character had a interesting name though, at first I had to read it again as I thought it odd to not say the stump, until I saw the verb. LOL

The last part of line two was awkward to read: "for deer, for weeks" I wonder if it would be more effective to have the time line at the start of the line. *Wink*

The shock of a shot from nowhere was a good sudden action. I think a period after "backwards" would give pause and potency to the next line. Both lines are complete in themselves anyway.

The line beginning "on his back" is not a complete sentence and threw me out of the read a bit. *Think* Maybe something like, "On his back, bleeding, he stared..."

I can imagine his thoughts as he lay there..and maybe knowing he would never know. I would put his exact inner thoughts in italics for clarity. I like how he is confused about sirens or wind. The last line was a surprise. Good one.*Thumbsup*

I felt bad for the guy and am left also curious as to the reason for the shot. At first I thought his gun went off and he fell from the spot. Yet his later thoughts made me wonder. Cool!

It is a challenge to write full episodes in so few words. I appreciate your creation. *Star*

Light on the path as you write on!!*Star*

eyestar
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Review by eyestar~* Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (5.0)
*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews ~ Summer Break" Open in new Window.*CakeP*


*BalloonR**ConfettiP*HI Jatog the Green! I am here with a review to celebrate you! *Star*

*Delight* Wow! I am so impressed with this creation with its fine form and specific detail about the subject of skin! What an intriguing topic for a poem and your genius thinking is apparent. Well done.

*Tornado*The title suggests humour and ironic as the poem is not "skinny" on detail and fact. The tone has a lightness too it as it examines the aspsects of skin and its care. The vocabulary is well chosen and themeatic and I like the variety...words like "hirsute" and integuement" give it a scientific vibe and I had to look them up. lol. Awesome when I can learn something. Your observation and knowledge on skin is well illustrated in the facts you weave into the commentary. *Thumbsup*

*Star* The descriptive language is vivid and the verses flow coherently. It flowed rhythmically and was pleasant to read aloud. You did a fabulous job on the rhyme scheme, I think it is challenge with a long poem. The images of the "snare", "The battlefield" and "itch warefare" are brilliant and paint a clear picture in my mind.

*Smile*The structure was effective and punctuation served the read, adding to the drama as well. The voice was strong and consistent and key opinions were pursuasive. *Laugh* I had such fun entering the vision!

Thanks for sharing your wonderful craft and eloquence.
Keep writing on!*Star*

eyestar
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Review of Oedipus Rants  Open in new Window.
Review by eyestar~* Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews ~ Summer Break" Open in new Window.*CakeP*


*BalloonR**Heartv*Happy Valentine's Day! I am here with a review to celebrate you! *Star*

Wow! This free verse is an amazing composition! I was drawn to the title with its mythical reference and was not disappointed. You capture the mind of this "son" brilliantly, revealing his feeling of being so attached to his mother's power. I can really feel his agony.

Your images and comparisons are so vivid with well chosen vocabulary that brings vitality and realism to how he feels. So impressive. Your use of assonance and consonance and bits of alliteration are effective so that the piece is pleasing to read. The language feels old fashioned too, reflecting the Oepdipus theme. I loved "matriarchal blade" and "ancient ancestors" and "nutshell of anger" and "edges dogeared" and ears as viaducts! So many neat metaphors. *Delight* The tight weave on the page without a break imitates the compressed mind and feeling of repression. Well conceived creation.*Salute*

I wondered if you need the word "a" with saber in "like I was saber". *Think*

I so appreciate this word wizardry with its potent vibe and imagery. I felt for this poor guy!
Fabulous and original! *Starstruck*

Light on the path as you write on!!*Star*

eyestar
Heart and Mind Raid
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Review by eyestar~* Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (5.0)
*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews ~ Summer Break" Open in new Window.*CakeP*


*BalloonR**ConfettiP*HI Elby! I am here with a review to celebrate you! *Star*

The title was appealing to me as we used to raise chickens and my brother and his family have chickens of various kinds. So it was fun to see your theme. *Chicken*

*Delight*I loved your wonderful poem with its lyrical flow and effective rhyme. It flowed smoothly and the refrain gave emphasis to the importance of the job. I get it! You capture the picture of how the job effects night life vividly. The job of shutting the gate and hutch is shown to be important. And it is true the chickens have set times. One has to be ware of foxes and egg gathering too.

I felt for the poet early to bed and early to rise when he wanted to enjoy summer fun! I was releived when the short time period was revealed. The sentiment of friendship and your appreciation for the landlords and...er the chickens too. *Thumbsup*

*Chicken*The verses were balanced and It was pleasing to read aloud. It seemed like a song with its good use of assonance and consonance and rhyme. I liked the variety of phrasing lengths within the the verses. *Smile*

*Star*Thanks for sharing your vision and crafting. It was quite humorous.

Light on the path as you write on!!*Star*

eyestar
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Review by eyestar~* Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews ~ Summer Break" Open in new Window.*CakeP*


*BalloonR**ConfettiP*Hey Jeff! I am here with a review to celebrate you! *Star*


*Giftr* I am back again enjoying your poetic gifts and found a great laugh in your limerick.*Shamrock*The way you got to use the word "canoe" as a way of delivery is brilliant and funny, though I know canoeing can have slowups in travelling. LOL One could canoe down the Amazon. Awesome. The rhyming is excellent and fun too.

The form is well composed and you did a good job with consonance with the repeated 't'! I liked reading it aloud. Cute play on Amazon and Timbuktu was brilliant too.

I had fun entering your vivid vision! *Star*

Light on the path as you write on!!*Star*

eyestar
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Review of Acrosswordtics  Open in new Window.
Review by eyestar~* Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews ~ Summer Break" Open in new Window.*CakeP*


*BalloonR**ConfettiP* Happy Wishes Jeff! I am here with a review to celebrate you! *Star*


*Delight* I could not resist the unique title and I love Acrostics. It is a great play on words and I could appreciate the full meaning on reading your poems! *Thumbsup*

*Shock2* These acrostics are amazing and totally capture the essence of doing crosswords and highlight the famous New York Times puzzle. Amazing that so many people do them. My mom used to do crossword puzzles all the time in the Canadian papers. She knew an amazing amount of words in her time.

*Delight* The first crossword uses wonderful hard sounding "structural" kind of words to reflect the creation of the puzzle. I enjoyed the soundscape when I read aloud.

*Smile* The second one was fun and intellectual in vibe. Words like "Nomenclature", "zenith", and "Lexicon" sound Timesy! Great job using two Z's as key letters and finding words that work here.

*Bigsmile*You did a super job with the interesting long phrase in the last poem. It is a lot of letters for the theme. I really got the vibe of how challenging these puzzles can be from your descriptions especially the examples of the answers to find! Wow! Adding clues that had empty lines shows a way clues are given as well.

*Thumbsup* I enjoyed your use of alliteration and consonance here and I would love to be able to use the word "Hitherto" in a poem and make sense. and "Gamifying'? Awesome! LOL I like the line with "Is artfully.." great mouthful!

*Star* This is brilliant word wizardry and I had fun! Thanks for sharing your gift.

Light on the path as you write on!!*Star*

eyestar
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Review of Impostor  Open in new Window.
Review by eyestar~* Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: ASR | (5.0)
*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews ~ Summer Break" Open in new Window.*CakeP*


*BalloonR**ConfettiP*Hey Jeff! Happy Anniversary wishes.*Wand* I am here with a review to celebrate you! *Star*


*Delight*I was drawn to the title as it made me curious! In this short form you capture the query that fits the title. It is interesting theme that contrasts the delight of a secret valentine and the darker notion of imposter. I thought of stalker. *Smile* Evocative.

The form is well composed with its three line and syllable count. Using questions leads the reader to consider a larger picture. The poem is an effective response to the prompt about mistaken identity. I appreciate the effort it took to create such a vivid vision in few words. *Star*

Thanks for sharing your gift and craft! And for all the wonderful contributions you have made at WDC during your long time here. *Salute*

Light on the path as you write on!!*Star*

eyestar
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Review of Cloudburst  Open in new Window.
Review by eyestar~* Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.0)
*Delight**Rain* Happy February Ken! It is lovely to enter your vision of rain that reminds me of warmer weather. We are in the freeze up here! LOL


*Rain*Your title is effective and makes me think of a vibrant energy surprise! It is perfect for your reflective and detailed observations of rain. The last line image is a brilliant
simile. I love it!

*Rain*Your free verse was a good choice for the variety of images and notions about rain. The descriptions are vivid and I appreciated such words as "argent", "velvet" and "flashes". The first image is so appealing and suggests nurture. The first verses flow well and the later verses are longer, more explanatory.

*Rain* In verse 6 I found the third-fifth lines abit unweildy and you use the less descriptive word "awesome" twice in the poem. Maybe something simpler like "or remind us of the strength of nature". In the second last verse you used three ly adverbs...maybe something more vivid could increase potency of your idea.*Wink*

*Rain*I want to read the word "revealed" at the end of line 2 in the last verse but I see you wanted to rhyme. So the word "a" before "meaning" might make it flow better. Just my view. LOL

*Rain* Effective use of assonance and consonance added to the dynamic flow and soundscape. The first four verses and the last were my favourites for flow. Rhyming with "coalesce" was cool!

Thanks for sharing this thoughtful vision of rain and its effect on nature and us! *Star*

eyestar
redone anniversary version without number!


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
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Review by eyestar~* Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (5.0)
*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews ~ Summer Break" Open in new Window.*CakeP*


*BalloonR**ConfettiP*HI Lisa! I am here with a review to celebrate you! *Star*

Wow! This is an amazing expression. You capture the images of the world and what is required so vividly. Your observations are acute. *Salute* It is a very inspiring call to do our part to create a better world. The line of wisdom at the end sums it up perfectly.

It was a delight to read aloud these coherent verses and you did a fabulous job with the rhyme scheme. Only the first verse lacks the pattern but it is an introduction. *Smile* The comparison about the earth is striking and that we are creating our destiny here is a good point.

This really speaks to people as inspirational wake up call! If only we will hear and Love. *Heart* Thank you for sharing your true to life vision to spread awareness.

Light on the path as you write on!!*Star*

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Review of Bird Games  Open in new Window.
Review by eyestar~* Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.0)
*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews ~ Summer Break" Open in new Window.*CakeP*


*BalloonR**ConfettiP*Happy Anniversary month Lisa! I am here with a review to celebrate you! *Star*

I was scouting your port and found your folder on your form poetry attempts. It is wonderful that you take on new creations. The title got my attention as I could imagine what kind of games birds might play. Sounded fun and reflects a comical theme.

Your limerick is fun and well composed. You used the typical 9,9.6,6,9. line counts with proper rhyme scheme and a funny turining point at the end! I think line one is 10 syllables and line 5 is 8, though. *Wink* It did not spoil the fun and essence of the form.

I find writing these a challenge especially the funny part. You did a great job. Thinking of a kitten with a flamingo is hilarious image. Maybe put capital letter on Mingo. Cute name!

"lets" needs an apostrophe and periods after Mingo and flamingo I think.

I had fun playing in this vision! *Star*

Light on the path as you write on!!*Star*

eyestar
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"Invalid Item" Open in new Window.
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for entry "from the tree" Open in new Window.
Review by eyestar~* Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.5)
*Fairy**Tree* Hi Lisa! I am here with a review for you as part of your surprise package in our January Power Raid! *Delight*

I love trees and poetry so when I found this collection (congrats on the Quill nomination) I could not resist jumping in. *Wink* I had not heard of this Ronka form so thanks for the note about it. I wonder if putting the author's note at the bottom of the page would allow for your wonderful poem to get the attention first! *Smile*

I enjoyed the image in this short poem and the philosphical tone at the start. I can relate to that as I can sit in my living room and look out at the woods, where deer come and birds and squirrels flit around. It feels like home and nature is one place that accepts us for who we are too. Relaxing.*Heart*

It is a good read. I only glitched as I think a comma after the first line, and the word "tree" would help with the flow as those lines naturally connect to the next ones in full concepts. *Wink*

I like the idea of a platform perch in a tree for observing nature. One often hears of these for hunting purposes.

The ronka is well composed in form and conception. Lovely vision to enter. Thanks for sharing your craft and love of nature. I am inspired to try one of these. *Star*

Keep on writing on!

eyestar
A birthday gift

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Review of Candle  Open in new Window.
Review by eyestar~* Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: E | (5.0)


*Delight* Hi Super Power Hero Sum1! I am happy to celebrate you in our "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" Open in new Window. raid


*Heart*Wow!This is a spectacular shape poem and it really resembles a candle. *Candleo* I appreciate the effort it took to create it. I have tried to do these without much success. *Smile*

*Candleb*The poem is a delight to read with its inner rhyme and use of assonance and consonance added to a cohesive soundscape. The personification is excellent and I like the way you weave in the elements of candle life. *Laugh* Punctuation assisted the read

*Candleb*It has a happy tone and made me smile. Thanks for sharing this inventive creation and charming vision of a candle. *Star* Brilliant construction.

eyestar
Thanks for being a dedicated Super Power Hero. Happy 2019! *Salute*

** Image ID #2160272 Unavailable **
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Review by eyestar~* Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.5)
*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews ~ Summer Break" Open in new Window.*CakeP*


*BalloonR**ConfettiP*HI Lisa! I am happy to review to celebrate you as part of our Celebration Raid! *Star*


*Heartv*Oh wow! This poem is so romantic and lovely! I can really feel the message of love and tribute to your partner from your inspiring poetic vision. He sounds like a Prince Charming. *Smile*

*Heart*It was pleasant to read aloud with its easy flow and rhyme scheme. I loved the nature images and comparisons. My favourite is the first verse where you liken him to the flowers and elements. Wonderful images.

*Quill* OOPs. I see a little typo in "shinning"! *Wink* (shining) Also the first line in that verse seems odd with "no matter come what may". Maybe it is poetic liscence turn of phrase. *Wink* I wonder in line 2 of that verse, do you mean "night" or "Knight"...just checking as either could work. I am not sure how a "night" shines. *Think*

*Heartp* I like the positive vision of partnership that is conveyed here and feel the gratitude of the poet for the gift. A wonderful weave with a gentle tone and romantic flair. Thanks for sharing your *Heart*! Shine on as you write with elegance.

Thanks for you being a dedicated Super Power hero. *Starstruck*
eyestar
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Review by eyestar~* Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)

*Delight* Hi Super Power Hero Sonali! I am happy to celebrate you in our "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" Open in new Window. raid


*Heart*Wow! This poetic expression emanates a strong vibration and I could sense the emotion of the poet in the observations about the state of life in the land. I like the repetitive word "where" in each line in the free verse poem as it reads like a litany. The comparsions are vivid and the tone had a sad, regretful vibe. At its end I see it is like a prayer. *Cool*

*Balloong*I loved the image conveyed by "cavernous fiefdom" and it really sums up your point of view brilliantly. I really enjoyed reading this verse aloud for its pleasing flow and descriptions. The writing is coherent and I like your style. It is a sad commentary as to where people's treasures seem to be. Wow!

*Balloonr*I think we can all relate to the theme as we all have visions in our countries of things gone out of whack! That there are those of us and YOU who are aware, and willing to ask and stand for greater consciousness is a worthy contribution. Thanks for sharing your heart so eloquently. *Star*

eyestar
Thanks for being a dedicated Super Power Hero. Happy 2019! *Salute*

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Review by eyestar~* Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: 13+ | N/A (Review only item.)
*Rocket* Hail Jimminycritic! I am happy to read your entry in "Invalid Item" Open in new Window.!*Delight*


*Rocket*Wow! This was a fascinating read and I enjoyed the first person narration where you really show the thoughts, feelings and being of the main character. The descriptions of the place and the beings were vivid and it was intense to follow the main character's reaction to the skeletons. *thumbusup* I really felt his feelings of sadness and frustration about trying to help the dying too. Brilliant!

*Rocket*The images like the description of how the illness fell like a vampire and the main character clawing, growling, drooling are effective. It is interesting how his reactions and suspicion to the skeletons is so different from the survivors. I wondered if it could be because he is the size he is or has some different DNA or higher brain. He did not seem to want to be happy and well in this way. The idea of the star being the cause of both the illness and the skeletons was cool and might lead him to consider some sort of game was being played.

*Star*The ending was unexpected and the last line made me smile..as if he made a joke.
It seemed like the consuming was liek a cure and gave the ability to be with the Tabby star with ease. It was interesting that he did not like vampires, which kept him from falling prey until his rage changed him. I wonder what will happen next.

*Quill* A few places that glitched for me:

*Rocket*I did not get the connection between the first paragraph and the second. The latter seemed to begin the story and the first stood by itself though I see you referred to this woman in the second paragraph. *Confused* I like that it had a journal like feel to it though.

In the third paragraph I was curious as to what "it" was so it kept me reading to find out.

In the line "affected near as bad" I think you need an adverb here and keep it direct as in "affected as badly as.."

In "some water in some of the people", "in" should be "into" I think.

IN paragraph 6, you use "up there" twice in the first line. I would drop the first instance as it does not add anything at that point. You use it again later too.

In " if what I heard was correct, and they floated right into the domes,..." you need a comma and I was confused by the phrase about what you heard. It feels like you were there when they came and no on would have known much so who did you hear this from, especially as everyone was sick when they showed up. *Confused* And the narrator says he made up the story of where they came from.


*Rocket*I liked the journal like story telling as the narrator shared the events and then his own understandings, queries and feelings. The main character was potent as the central figure in the crisis and the ghostly skeletons were appealing..like happy ghosts...very imaginative creation!

*Star* Thanks for sharing your intense expression and vision. Good luck in the contest. *Shamrock*

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Review by eyestar~* Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: 13+ | N/A (Review only item.)
*Rocket* Hail Ice_Scroogess! I am happy to read your entry in "Invalid Item" Open in new Window.!*Delight*


*Rocket* Wow! You have created a crew list with such detail and the beginning felt like the beginning of a play script. The tension between the two main characters is well shown in dialogue and description and I was not really liking the Captain, she seemed not too concerned with safety of her crew first.

*Rocket*The narration is consistent and writing detailed with a tightly woven style. The background is told from the Security Officer's POV that provides insights into the relationship stress, the science and describes actions of the others. You used some strong descriptive phrases like the "cold molasses" and "light leaked".*Thumbsup* I liked the detail about the cavern and the light and what they found inside. I can totally get their shock!

*Rocket*You did a great job drawing us deeper into the cavern and the mystery as we are looking along with the characters. I wanted to see what would happen given the set up of the captain's aggressive action and the Officer's reluctance. I did not see how dust would get inside his suit especially as he makes it clear that everyone had intact suits, to show they were not hallucinating. Good show there.

*Rocket* The shocking conclusion was brilliant! You leave us hanging as now we wonder will they have the same fate or would the virus have dissipated. *Thumbsup*

*Quill*A few glitches I noted:

I was confused as to who was speaking at first and had to reread perhaps because of the structure on the page.

In the first paragraph... "Appearing...." needs a tweak and I could not get the connection between the first phrase and the second "inexplicably". Maybe just a simple fix like. It appeared....yet light showed..." *Wink*

"This is like coming on fluorescent" is missing something.

The lines beginning with "Unfortunately," could use a tweak as you use the word 'Unfortunate twice" You can likely drop the first instance as I am not sure why it would be unfortunate to be in a lab on earth. *Wink*

Watch for places where capital letters are not needed. "..Cavern deep inside a Volcano".

I don't get why you need an exclamation after "shouted" when a comma will connect to the actual exclaimed words.

*Rocket**Star*I enjoyed the intensity of this story. Maybe the prediction of the Secruity Officer early in the story just happened! *Sad*

Thanks for sharing your creative vision and good luck in the contest.*Wand*

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Review by eyestar~* Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: E | (4.5)
*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews ~ Summer Break" Open in new Window.*CakeP*


*BalloonR**ConfettiP*Happy December! I am here with a review to celebrate you! *Star*

*Delight*I like the idea of giving ourselves advice or wisdom that comes to us from experience and inspiration. Using this style of two line verses gives it a feel of wisdom sayings. *Thumbsup*

The contrast of what to do and not do is clear in the first verses and your latter ones give positive ideas. It is coherent and gives me something to ponder about the power and responsibility of writers. *Smile* The invitation to be authentic and speak with a kind vibration and with an intent to assist and enlighten is clear. It sounds like kindness and love is key. *Heart*

A couple of places I wondered about:

In the second verse, the word "manly", I wonder if you meant "mainly"?

In the fifth verse, I thought maybe "incoherent" should be an adverb "incoherently". *Wink*

Should "word" in the second last verse be plural "words" or say " write a simple, soft....word" ?

*Star*Thanks for sharing this vision of a way to live as a writer to uplift the world and stay inspired. *Angelic*


Light on the path as you write on!!*Star*

eyestar
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Review of Deep Space Death  Open in new Window.
Review by eyestar~* Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: E | N/A (Review only item.)
*Rocket*Hail Jody! Thanks for writing this interesting story for Blast off Contest! I am here to offer comments as a reader! *Delight*


*Salute*Wow! You created a clear vision of this crew and their mission including the warmth and understanding between them, so the ending evoked a potent and realisitic sadness. The reaction of Sarah was real and Derek not sharing the possible reason for the quick loss of O2 was also something one would do in compassion. Nothing could be done anyway. The danger of this space walk was shown specifically and I got that it was needed to inspect everything before the trip home. I wondered if in real life, they would have known the effects of deep belly laughs.

*Globe2*The first line I felt was long, filled with many ideas and could be more interesting to draw me in. A comma after "space" would have helped in the read. I had to reread to figure out what was meant.

*Earth* You set up the characters and their background clearly in the second paragraph so I got a feel for them. A few of glitches occurred to me as I read.

In "Finally, Jerry was the Pilot." I think you could drop "finally" as it threw me out.

"Though he was always quick to ask for a photo to show his three children when opportunity to send them back allowed." The meaning of this is not clear to me, or its significance. The word "though" and what he wanted a picture of was not clear.*Wink*

*Quill* A few other places to tweak maybe:

In "but still maintaining a margin.." I think the word "while" might be a better fit than "but"..

I noticed a typo in "the sealed the bay". *Wink*

In "..moon, literally." The last word added nothing to the line.

In "working on his check list, working with" you used "working" twice. Maybe tweak for variety and conciseness.

*Burstr*Where you begin with "Brandon suddenly begins...you start to use the present tense from here on instead of third person "began to" etc. The voice changes. I think consistency is more effective. eg. Brandon began... Sarah ran..etc"

In the line "seemed to intensify". I wanted to drop "seemed" to keep it direct and certain that it was indeed intensifying.

Where you use "Derek's name in the last paragraph..the second time you could use "he".

*Rocket*I liked the dialogue and interplay between the characters as they work together as it gave a sense of comraderie and realism. I can believe they know each other well and try to relieve stress of the mission.

*Rocket* The story line was coherent and the crisis dramatic. It kept my attention to see what would happen. It was tragic and yet at the same time realistic as such things are possible. More sadness was evoked by the fact that Brandon was planning to retire and spend time with his family and now...! *Sad* Good job! I also felt for the rest of the crew!

*Star* I enjoyed reading your story and appreciate that you could end the tale sadly! Thanks for taking up this challenge and sharing your vision.

eyestar
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*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
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for entry "🏆 Misnomer" Open in new Window.
Review by eyestar~* Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews ~ Summer Break" Open in new Window.*CakeP*


*BalloonR**Xmastree*HI Ken! I am here with a review to celebrate you! *Star*
I could not resist checking out your short poems in this contest and couldn't wait to see what the misnomer was. *Wink*

I enjoyed the humour in it as I saw your use of "crescent" as you include two images for the meaning. I laughed at the "cheese" part as I got the referral to the moon being made of cheese.Beginning with a query was effective in setting us up! *Salute*

An appealing piece of entertainment in 24 syllables!{e:star|


Light on the path as you write on!!*Star*

eyestar
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