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1,186 Public Reviews Given
1,187 Total Reviews Given
Review Style
I have a review template that is only used for in depth reviews, usually those that are specifically requested. These will be as comprehensive as I can manage, including everything I have noticed in reading the piece. Most of my reviews, however, are more in the nature of reactions to the piece with brief notes on things I find particularly good and suggestions on dealing with any obvious flaws in the writing.
I'm good at...
Reviews of stuff I particularly like. If I think the writing is good and the ideas original and inventive, I will say so and become enthusiastic about it. I will point out flaws, particularly where I feel that they interfere with a positive reaction to the piece, but I will also offer suggestions for fixing such problems.
Favorite Genres
I have a broad spectrum of genres I'll review. It's easier for me to list the genres I won't touch.
Least Favorite Genres
Romance, erotica, overly dark subjects without a good reason for existence.
Favorite Item Types
I'm unsure what is meant by this - I would have thought the genres sections covered this.
Least Favorite Item Types
See previous section.
I will not review...
Again, see the genres section that lists the genres I won't review.
Public Reviews
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Review by Beholden
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
"A man hears what he wants to hear and disregards the rest." Paul Simon

And so does a woman, it seems. I love the picture chosen to illustrate the poem (although it illustrates a problem opposite to the one in the piece). You could definitely fit a thousand words in that one.

The poem makes a fine job of outlining the dilemma of so many husbands - how to answer the question "Does my butt look big in this?" In this case it's a mirror but the looming problem is the same in both instances.

There are one or two problems with meter but the poem flows well enough. The important thing is to lead toward the denouement and this it does very well. And the final line of advice is clearly the voice of experience. An amusing tale of a universal situation but still with an effective ending.

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Review of Just a Farmer  
Review by Beholden
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
I like this. The lines flow like a woodland stream, the rhymes roll forth in perfect order and the tale itself trundles happily towards its conclusion. In my experience, the problem with rhyming poetry is that far too much of it contains rhymes that strain and struggle to accommodate themselves in the poem but really don't belong. "Exemplary" for example, is not a word that lives happily with "Mary." From the evidence of this poem, however, you have the knack of finding words that happily join the community of your meaning. They work and, in doing so, they do not jar and interrupt the reader, preferring to work with the others towards a pleasant experience.

The result is a poem that is clear, enjoyable and polished to a gemlike brilliance. The last line is, of course, the whole point, yet the entire poem works steadily towards the goal, preventing the tale from becoming a shaggy dog story. And it's funny.

Perhaps the funniest thing, however, is that I feel this way about most things I write. Far too often, I finish one thing and think I'll never manage anything that good again. And your poem makes me realise that I'm not alone in thinking this. Thank you.

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Review of The Cage  
Review by Beholden
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
And the pun is mightier than the word. This is just the kind of joke that I love and the world hates me for. It matters not. A good pun is as clever as the funniest joke and a good deal less harmful. And, if you can spin out the build-up for a while, it can even qualify as a shaggy dog story.

Which reminds me... No, I'd better not tell that one. It's got me thrown out of enough places already.

But your story. It's the very epitome of the great rib ticklers, keeping its ammo for the very last line, as it does. When that comes with the brief pause as the brain goes, "Huh? I don't see...", it's the real pay dirt. Very well done - a gem of its kind.

I notice from the Note that others have suggested you write more of the setting of the story. Personally, I think that would be a mistake. As you said, the whole point of the story is the punch line and the rest is backdrop. Spend much more on that and the tale becomes a shaggy dog story. And we all know the reception those get. *Wink*

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Review of Recipe  
Review by Beholden
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
This is a little gem! You made me smile wider than any piece of writing I can remember, especially with the last line.

The choice of rhyme is well-suited to this type of poem and you keep up the rhythm and meter very well. It flows exceptionally well and allows the reader to concentrate on the meaning of the words, rather than how to say them. The line "Two belly buttons, fresh or canned" is inspired and proof of a mischievous imagination behind the poem. And that final line still makes me grin.

It's a masterpiece of the eight-line genre. And I should know, having written hundreds of 8-liners! Applause for a job superbly done and in so few words.

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Review of Tome at Last  
Review by Beholden
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
This took me through the whole gamut (whatever that is) of emotions. The clue was in the title but, having failed to notice that the first time around, I took everything quite seriously with the first stanza. From that point on, the comic situation presented by the poem became increasingly obvious until, in the last stanza, all is revealed and we can smile at last. It's quite a tour de force and very cleverly done.

Any writer would sympathise with the story that unfolds and I am no exception. It's just self publication that proves beyond my ambition. But kudos to the protagonist in daring the task of typesetting.

I must admit that I find rhyming to be hard to take seriously nowadays. It is so overused in adverts, nursery ditties and the public's imagination that I rarely use it. But you have a good eye for a rhyme that doesn't smack one in the eye or give a smile where none is intended. In fact, your poem gives weight to my theory that rhyme is only appropriate today in poems that are intended to be comic. What power that remains to rhyme is then most effectively used.

All in all, it's a most enjoyable poem, especially to those of us who have experience in the writing game.

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Review of Dearly Beloved  
Review by Beholden
Rated: 18+ | N/A (Review only item.)
I like this a lot. You're a weaver, taking the threads of events and weaving them into a pleasing tale. The history of Ed and Rosie is the first thread and around it are the season of cold and Halloween, the afghan, woven in her own story by Rosie, now the old man's comfort as he seeks protection from the cold and, finally, the poem, a voice raised in harmony to Ed's experiences. It's a simple story made beautiful by the carefully chosen threads that make up the complete picture.

Clearly, you have the sense of timing to know when each quote should be inserted, to echo the events as they proceed in the story, the cold and the old man's cough returning at intervals to remind us of Ed's frailty, and the afghan, reminding us again and again of Rosie herself.

The writing is clear, simple and expressive, and the reader is eased along through the story, becoming one with it as you weave your spell. I found no flaws or grammatical errors and enjoyed reading the tale immensely.

Oh, and Happy Account Anniversary too!

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Beholden
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Review of Stranded  
Review by Beholden
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
I see it was your account anniversary yesterday. Well, that means you get a review from me. Sorry, but it's a danger we must all face sooner or later!

Stranded was chosen for word count. Especially when on a raid, time is of the essence, so it's reasonable to limit a piece to circa 1,000 words. Poetry is more difficult to review so different rules apply. Anyway, it's my approach and it works for me.

Interesting that you state the genre as Travel and Experience. I hope none of your vacations was like this (although the setting is quite idyllic). If it were me, I'd have chucked Horror in there as well.

It's a powerful little story that is gradually and systematically revealed in all its goriness. Most expertly done! Date is not mentioned but, from the fact of the vacation cruiser having broken down must put it as second half of the twentieth century at the earliest. I would have though it'd be difficult to find a tropical island inhabited by cannibals so recently but it matters not - the story is too much fun to let that spoil our enjoyment.

I must congratulate you for your handling of the denouement. Holding back the gory details was the way to go, allowing the reader to supply the real horror of the situation in imagination.

Altogether, this is a fine story, simple but shocking in its plot and written with a light but competent touch. Bravo!

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Review by Beholden
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Congratulations as being the featured Anniversary Reviewer for Anniversary Reviews this month!

Which is why I had a dig around in your portfolio, of course. Everything seemed to lead to Meeting Simon... so this is my review.

It's a heart-warming story, although I had a moment of doubt when it became apparent that "it was all a dream." This is not used in the "cheat" form so forbidden in the recommendations of writing, however, it being the whole point of the story. Add to that the fact that it can be taken as real (as I did on first reading) and the wagging finger pales into insignificance.

The strength of the story is that it's grounded in reality, proceeding as it does from your circumstances at the time. All leads to the extract from the Serenity Prayer which proves to be God's answer to the desperation of your initial prayer. It's a finely worked, straightforward plot that is very satisfying in its completeness.

Your writing is uncomplicated, honest and with an immediacy that speaks of personal experience. There are no grammatical errors for me to quibble about and a joy to read entirely. Well done.

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Review of Invasion  
Review by Beholden
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Vegetable invaders from space at last! It's different, especially in the mysterious telepathic connection between the aliens and Gabriel's dreams. He should read more science fiction - then he'd have picked up the correlation between his dreams and the invasive species in his garden a little earlier. The reader does and it becomes merely a matter of finding out how it all pans out.

Therein lies a minor problem. The more obvious it becomes that the plants are actually invaders trying to establish a foothold on earth and that Gabriel is experiencing their thoughts and feelings in his dreams, the more the reader becomes torn between the two sides. It's natural that we should support Gabriel's struggles to protect his patch of the earth, but then we begin to feel sympathy for the aliens, driven from their home planet and just wanting a bit of ground to re-establish themselves. Their tiny screams are the point at which the straw breaks the camel's back. We no longer care that Gabriel sleeps soundly - we no longer root for anyone.

Being able to see both sides of the story is a fine thing but not very good for taking sides. And most stories require that we root for the guy in the white hat and boo the baddies. Maybe that was your intent but I'm not sure it's a wise policy for a writer.

But it's still a most enjoyable story, well written and entertaining.

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Review by Beholden
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Your portfolio asked me how you're doing. I'd have to say pretty well, going by this little tale. Of course, the intro to the port was written some time ago so you've had plenty of time to improve before writing this piece. Maybe this is the moment to adjust the intro in that case.

The story itself is a pleasant bit of flash fiction with a gentle surprise in the tail. It's romance so it doesn't matter that there's not a huge amount of conflict before the denouement. The writing is very competent, without errors, and maintains the reader's interest through to the end. I do wonder, however, whether the setting is Bradford, England, or Bradford, somewhere else. Living in New England, I am surrounded by towns borrowing the place names of my homeland and I get a bit confused at times.

Thanks for an entertaining read.

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Review of Brick by Brick  
Review by Beholden
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
A great piece of writing, good characterisation and atmosphere, but goes nowhere in the end. It would make a wonderful introduction to a story and now all you have to do is write the story. As it is, it's a vignette that demonstrates you can write and know how to set scenes. Which is a pity, since it's a great hook.

I want to know what happened in El Salvador for a start.

There are a few typos and other errors but nothing serious. I'll tell you where they are if you turn it into a story. It's such a pity to let that meticulously built atmosphere of twentieth century spy story atmosphere of world weary, bored cynicism go to waste. I know the necessary inspiration for a full story comes along only after hard work (for all I know, you're waiting for it before continuing) but this is really worth it.

As they say in WdC, keep writing.

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Review by Beholden
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Now this is a fun little piece. I like it, especially as I have a similar relationship with my own characters ("And stories," muttered a curmudgeonly old man seated in a corner). There is nothing more refreshing than a person taking themselves to task for a perceived failing.

It's beautifully written, too, without error or typo and in straightforward, clear language. I love the amusing details thrown in at no extra charge - "He was holding a hand to his pasty face to see if his breath really was that bad."

Having read a few of your stories at random, I have to wonder why you seem to limit yourself to so few words. I know that some are entered for flash fiction contests but others aren't, and yet still you keep things short. It would be good to read a few longer stories (or maybe I missed all those).

It was still a most enjoyable read. Thank you.

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Review of The Shrieking  
Review by Beholden
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Review of The Shrieking by KÃ¥re Enga in Montana

Initial Impression:

Noticed the unusual formatting straight away. Nothing wrong with that - an interesting departure from the norm. The first section had me wondering if I was reading fan fiction. Shrek and Fiona? Surely too close to be a coincidence. Of course, reading the rest of the chapter made these two almost fade from memory. But you wouldn't have mentioned them only to allow them no further part, surely. If this were really just the first chapter of a book, I'd have to read on to find out. Which has to be a point in its favour.

Title:

Inevitably recalls The Shining. It's a striking title but I leave it to you to decide whether it's a good thing to remind the reader of anything by Stephen King.

Content:

I have to mention the construction of the scarecrow here. Railroad ties? That's one hefty brute of a scarecrow! It would require fairly significant engineering skills to rig a frame with those slabs of wood, but I'll let it pass as maybe the farmer is gifted in that way and enormously strong as well. The scarecrow is going to last and last, however - that's certainly true!

Otherwise, the chapter is clear and easy to understand, although the separation into sections does make it a bit disjointed and demand some keeping up by the reader. You also expect the reader to work out who is who but that's no bad thing.

I do, however, feel you're selling yourself a bit short in the length of the chapter. Sure, there are no limitations set in either direction but you are missing the chance to add greatly to the atmosphere and tension by being so brief. A bit more description of the characters (fine to do it in dialogue but they're going to have to be a bit more chatty in that case) and of the marsh. I particularly want to know what the marsh is like. Marshes are all about atmosphere, in all senses of the word.

Finally, it was a good idea to have the foreshadowing of old Ben getting someone to do his job for him. It keeps the reader wanting to know what happens and how. But what is Ben doing in a marsh, anyway?

Style:

Faultless as regards grammar and typos and the like. Good dialogue too. And the courage to try something different as well. All that remains is to convince me a whole book could follow this chapter, that's all.

Flow/Pace:

No problem with either apart from its shortness.

Suggestions:

As usual, I've done all that already. Maybe I should take out this section...

Overall Impression:

I like the originality of the approach to writing and the unusual plot. But I think it does suffer as a credible first chapter through its brevity. Add a bit more description and take us through a bit more slowly. Let us feel the place and the people.



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Review by Beholden
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
Review of The Scarecrow's Secret: Chapter One by LightinMind

Initial Impression:

You're right, it is a strange place to have scarecrow. In fact, I don't have a clear picture of the landscape in which the action takes place but it's stated that the scarecrow is not in the middle of any field planted with crops (which would be the usual place). Instead, the farmer seems to have placed it at the edge of the fields.

So I'm a little confused about the setting but then comes the big surprise at the end of the chapter. This is the hook that makes the reader want to continue into the next chapter. A scarecrow that turns out be the actual skeleton of a dead person certainly begs for explanation. It looks as though this is going to be the main point of the book.

Title:

This is fairly intriguing. Do scarecrows have secrets? I imagine most people would be interested in finding out the answer to that in general and to this one in particular. Which means the title succeeds in its aim.

Content:

As I mentioned, I'm a little confused at the setting in which this takes place. The couple seem to be walking through a forest, then they come to a pond and ultimately to the scarecrow. This is on a rise ("it is quite a view") and the fields are spread out before them. It's all a bit vague, however, and I think you need to concentrate more on how these landscapes blend into each other, rather than becoming too poetic in your descriptions. For instance, this sentence puzzled me and seems uncertain as to the effect it wants to induce: "Sarah laughed at the sight and her laughter felt to her like the sound of Summer in a land waiting to die." To me, the sound of summer is the sound of lawnmowers. I'm fairly certain that you don't want me to imagine that the lady's laughter sounded like distant lawnmowers. But it goes beyond that. This is summer in a land waiting to die. Does that make summer sound different? And in what way is it waiting to die? The sentence may sound romantic but probably means different things to different people. Perhaps it's best just to let Sarah laugh without describing what it sounded like.

You seem to have a problem that I suffer from too (which is why it stands out to me, of course). There are times when you try to put too much into a single sentence. " As they walked they realized that they were overdressed shedding their jackets at the invitation of the warm wind that spoke also to the leaves on the tree." I think we can leave out the conversation with the leaves in this one.

Then we come to the last few sentences in which something falls off the scarecrow. There are far too many references to the word "bone" in the telling. It would be better not to use the word at all until Sarah realises what it is. Thereafter I would try to find alternatives so that I don't have to repeat the word too often.

There's nothing wrong with the essential story established in this first chapter. It's just that these minor matters can be a distraction to the reader and they are easily mended.

Style:

I think you would do well to concentrate more on making things simple, rather than on apparently poetic turns of phrase. The sound of summer is something very personal to each of us (before I came to America, summer meant the sound of ice cream vans to me). Think about the sound you want to describe and go for the simplest thing that is appropriate. Laughter is a hard one, I admit. Some have likened it to a rushing stream but there must be better descriptions than that. Avoid the dreaded hyena, however!

Flow/Pace:

The pace slowed in the long paragraph that brought us to the scarecrow. Simplifying the descriptions should help to keep up the tempo through this section.

Suggestions:

Basically, I can only suggest you keep things simple. If you can see what is happening and what it looks like, tell us that without trying too hard to make it sound pretty.

Overall Impression:

A good start to a book with plenty of hooks to draw the reader on. It needs some polishing but nothing too serious. A good effort.

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Review of Imagine  
Review by Beholden
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
An interesting fantasy and one I wouldn't tackle in a million years. You make an amusing tale of it and I kinda like your muddy blue aliens. It did raise the question in my mind as to why aliens are almost always either blue or green. I think the next aliens I invent will be some really outrageous colour. Or even several colours, in stripes maybe, or polka dots.

It really is a fantasy, however. I mean, if you could work up a decent argument that everyone on Facebook would listen to and understand, I would suggest you use it to get some sense into the world in reality. But it's fine to dream, I guess. I'm afraid I'm with Benson in his final solution to the problem - curling up and crying. My version is to say nothing and pretend that I haven't noticed the problem.

The whole thing is well written, of course, and I found no errors or typos. Good luck in the contest! I haven't read the other entries but would be prepared to bet on yours.

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Review by Beholden
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
I found this a thoroughly enjoyable read. Of course, I've not read more than a page or two of the Harry Potter books so I must presume that any similarity of scenario will fade as you get further into the plot. And that brings up my other thought on the piece: what sort of audience are you aiming at? You've rated it at 13+, so it's not for the youngest age groups, but I would guess that, charming as it is (pun entirely unintended, I assure you), it's not intended for older adults. So perhaps teenage to young adult? My feeling is that it's ideal for such a readership, but I could be wrong.

You wanted to know about plot, conflict, character, setting and theme. The plot looks as though it's going to be a series of events that go wrong (thereby causing the conflict), leading to a collection of similar tales. I think, if the aim is to write something as long as a book, you would need to develop the plot beyond these first few, exploratory episodes into a more general and larger story. Again, the similarity to the Harry Potter series raises its head. It may require some thought to take the story in an unexpected direction and so shake the comparison.

Character is developed to some extent, particularly in the case of the main protagonist and Ms Fangustin, and you have laid the groundwork for Mrs Leafbrook, Master Runebluff and Spellmaster Petrushkov. Presumably these will be developed further as you write more. The actual appearance of the characters does need a bit more detail; at the moment I really have no idea what any of them look like (except that I supply my own ideas in the absence of other information). Giving just a bit more detail can help in getting away from any stereotypes and assumptions in the reader's mind, especially if appearance is going to assist in the formation of character.

Pretty much the same goes for setting. Let us have a little more detail and it will add to the atmosphere.

And that's about it, I think. It's a fun read and has great potential, if only we can prevent the reader thinking Harry Potter all the time. Unless that's your intention and the whole thing is intended to be a spoof. Hmm, didn't think of that...

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Review by Beholden
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: ASR | (4.5)
I decided to read what you'd put on display at the top of your portfolio, since these would be the ones you most wanted people to read, I reasoned. And I'm glad that's how I chose to begin. The first, a poem, was an interesting form that I've not seen before. And you handled it well, with logical progression through the words and fitting rhymes that were not obtrusive. But there's not a great deal one can say about so brief a poem, so I went on to the second piece, What the Wind Blew In. This is the one I choose to review.

To begin with, I want to mention my final thought after reading. I glanced at the description of the piece and had a sudden doubt at the inclusion of the word "haunt." This may be a little too much info for anyone deciding whether to read the story or not. I'd leave it out so that the reader is guessing at the identity of the protagonist's visitors for as long as possible. Save the knock out punch for the final round, in other words.

Within the first few paragraphs, I had the feeling that I was reading the words of a poet. "...all the wolves of all the worlds were crying in loss and sorrow" and "the whip of snow lashing the world into shredded wounds of white," for example. Nothing wrong with that (a bit of poetic description does the soul good) but don't be too generous with it. Too much of it in prose and it becomes overly rich for most tastes.

To be quite honest, I don't find anything wrong with your writing. It is straightforward and generally uncomplicated, which fits well with modern taste. I see no grammatical errors and everything flows and trundles along quite happily. This piece does lack a certain oomph, but that's partly a matter of the initial idea. Is it enough to justify telling the story? Possibly not, and that's why we need to use a trick or two to give it more impact.

The girl enters and we are already suspecting that she's a ghost as you describe her clothing. It's old fashioned and the most likely explanation is that she's been out in the snow for an awfully long time. It's too early for us to tumble to the idea of "ghost." If you can hide it somehow, to keep the reader in suspense, and then reveal it in the last paragraph or two, the impact is much greater. So we might need to take a liberty or two and "forget" to mention the old fashioned clothing. It's a bit sneaky but fiction writers do it all the time.

The two puddles on the floor after the ghosts have gone are very poignant but run the risk of being associated with the snowman's demise on being invited in from the cold - was it a story called "Frosty the Snowman" or some such? Beware unintended triggers like that.

In the end it's a fine story but needs just a little more kick to it. I had a similar problem with a piece that was becoming more of a vignette than a short story and I had to throw in something that even I hadn't expected to give it a point. It's a short little thing and this is my opportunity to see if this review format will take a bitem link. Have a read if you feel like it.

 
STATIC
The Water Vole  (E)
A hiker stops to admire a country scene.
#2256342 by Beholden


In spite of my carping, this is really a fine little story. I'll review a few more as and when I find the time.

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Review of Messy Room  
Review by Beholden
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Anniversary Reviews told me that today is your anniversary. Which is how I found this piece and why I wish you a happy anniversary.

And so to the actual review. This is a delightful little tale. Perhaps every child has a monster under the bed; I know I did. Mine was a bit more scary, however.

The real trick in this story is allowing the mom to see the monster. Usually adults are blind to such things. But I like that Sam was exonerated thanks to his mother's good vision.

Your writing style is simple, straightforward and well-pitched for the story's reading clientele. It flows very smoothly and I found no errors. Which also leaves me with very little to say, of course.

A most enjoyable read.

Congratulations on your WdC Anniversary.


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Beholden


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Review of Devoured  
Review by Beholden
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
This is very well written. It has tension right from the start and it builds throughout the narrative. A psychological thriller, it is interesting in that our natural tendencies are to side with the narrator, seeing through her eyes as we do, yet we ask ourselves at several points whether her version of events is correct. You have shown a considerable amount of skill in maintaining our support for the narrator in spite of these doubts.

Until the last few sentences, of course. The twist works but you skate very close to the awful "it was all a dream (hallucination)" denouement. It almost turns the short story into a vignette. What stops that happening is the quality of the writing, that you have so built empathy for the narrator that the reader can understand and accept the realisation that their doubts are confirmed. There is no feeling of being cheated by the tale.

And that's what counts. It works and nothing else matters. Well done!

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Review by Beholden
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Review of A Meeting with Prime Minister by Vaishali

Initial Impression:

I found this to be a highly enthusiastic account of a meeting with the Prime Minister of India. It was particularly interesting in that, to a westerner, whose politicians long ago lost any aura of honour and respect, the Indian attitude of admiration for a politician came as a breath of fresh air, as well as a reminder of a time when such things were true in the west too.

Title:

Explains in a few words exactly what the piece is about. Just what a title should do, in fact.

Content:

The circumstances of the meeting are very realistic, if a little difficult to believe in that the Prime Minister would know who the narrator is. But this is a work of the imagination and so we accept the events as recorded.

The conversation that follows the meeting is very revealing of the attitude of the writer, much more so than of the PM himself. There is a sense of awe and humility in the writer's words that is quite uncommon in the west. I am all in favour of politicians handing out snippets of wisdom as this one does, apparently!

So the piece is interesting in that it provides a very different view of modern politics than we are accustomed to these days. We are also given an insight into the attitude of young people to the political system in India, an attitude in which respect is the highlight. A far cry from the attitude of youth in the west, unfortunately.

Style:

There are certain points that give away the fact that the writer's first language is not English. Occasionally, the wrong word is used (first sentence: "to have a sip than everyone came shouting" - "than" should be "when") but, more often, necessary words are omitted, as in "When I kid, I had high ambitions." It should be "When I was a kid..." Also, "I have to reply him" should be "I have to reply to him."

These are minor errors that are not too distracting and they will disappear with practice. The goal is not to sound exactly like a native English speaker but to be grammatically correct while retaining that different viewpoint that is so effective in reaching the jaded tastes of the west. You are very close to that goal.

Flow/Pace:

No problems here. You have a good grasp of what is important and must be told, and what is not needed and will only slow up the tale.

Suggestions:

Keep writing! As I have mentioned, practice, while it may not make perfect, certainly improves our writing.

Overall Impression:

Has the enormous advantage of being different. You approach each subject from a direction that is new and fresh to any native speakers and, as such, you can rely on that to give you a head start in grabbing the interest of readers. Keep doing it

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Review of Rising Stars Blog  
for entry "Last Assignment " 
Review by Beholden
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Review of Last Assignment by is144780

Initial Impression:

I like this. It has originality, invention and imagination. Which is exactly what the assignment calls for. I'm hardly going to quibble, am I?

Title:

It's certainly factually true but it tells me nothing of what I'm about to read. In the context of the Challenge, it's fine but, if you were ever to use it in another context or to expand it (which wouldn't be a bad idea), it would need renaming.

Content:

Great fun. The idea of meeting Blackbeard (not sure I'd fancy it) is highly original and promises some interesting adventures. My one caveat would be that there's not enough in the meeting. It's hard to get a lot into so restricted a word limit but this makes the extended introduction a bit of a mistake. Cutting down on the employment history would allow for a little more interaction in the actual meeting.

It's not a major flaw, however, and may be the result of my wanting more of what is a highly entertaining piece. Just a thought if you ever want to extend the piece for another purpose - put more into the meeting.

Style:

Your style is very relaxed and conversational which is ideal for this sort of personal anecdote form of story. I note, too, that you've had a fair bash at rendering pirate speech for us. You are right to restrict that to the use of "ye" and "laddie" (the more usual spelling) since few people understand the difference in usage of "ye," "thou," "thine," etc. in 18th Century West country dialect (which is what "pirate speak" is) and it's a minefield for modern English speakers. You definitely deserve an extra star for not using "Arrr."

I found no grammatical or technical errors and it's quire clear that you write well.

Flow/Pace:

No problems here - it rolls along quite merrily to the end.

Suggestions:

Nothing, apart from the idea of shortening the introduction a little to allow for expansion of the meeting.

Overall Impression:

This is a very competently written piece that is entertaining and amusing. I liked it a great deal.

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Review of The Summoner  
Review by Beholden
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
I found this while wandering through Read & Review. Although it's also true that I've noticed quite a few other pieces by you in the last few days. It must be Adherennium week or something.

Anyway. I notice you ascribe the genre Nonsense to this poem. Which immediately had me looking for meaning in it. And I think that's what is so attractive about the poem. There definitely is meaning in it but it lurks just out of reach, giving the reader fleeting glimpses that lure deeper into the maze. If this is deliberate, you have a devious mind, sir. If not, I must shrug and presume that it's the usual case of our identity being betrayed unwittingly whenever we set pen to paper or finger to keyboard.

As for the writing, it is very competent, the rhymes are natural and do not jar, the meter is ever present and free flowing. It's all extremely capable and leaves me nothing to carp or quibble about. A truly excellent and entertaining poem.

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Beholden


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Review by Beholden
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Very clever. I'm not a great one for rhymed poetry but you handle it with aplomb (rhymes with bomb but doesn't imitate it). Add to that your gift for smooth and effortless meter and you have a winner. I can see why you stick with what you know.

As for content, I must admit that I, too, have often pondered on the matter of "giving a person a piece of your mind." So I found the whole poem delightful to read, with your reflections on the squandering of a mind until there's nothing left. Perhaps that's the real cause of Alzheimer's. But the cherry on the cake is the pun at the end. And I'm a sucker for puns.

To sum up, it's a most enjoyable, light and humorous poem that deserves the five stars I'm going to give it. Great work!

Oh, I should mention that I came across it in Read & Review.

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Review of A Moving Day  
Review by Beholden
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
This is a clever little story with quite a sting in the tail. I wondered where you were going with it for quite a while, so the denouement was quite a surprise. Very nicely done.

The writing is smooth without errors and the tale progresses at a merry pace throughout. It's all described and detailed sufficiently for the reader to picture things quickly. The piece has all the signs of having been worked out carefully beforehand so that there are no anomalies to give the reader pause.

The only quibble I have is that I want to know what happened in the meeting of these two non-friends from high school days! Obviously, I have been dragged very successfully into the world you created.

Impressive stuff.

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Beholden


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Review by Beholden
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Review of A Very Important Meeting by Marvelous Friend for The Rising Stars

Initial Impression:

A brave subject to choose, I think. It's not easy to portray a person as well known but as distant for most as Jesus. It has to be a very personal portrait as a result and I like the way you have described Him. Your decision to withhold the name of the person until fairly deep into the piece enabled you to describe your surroundings and you took the opportunity well.

Title:

Does exactly what it says on the tin, as we say in England.

Content:

Considering the constraint of a word count of only 500, you have managed to get a considerable amount into so brief a meeting. The beginnings of theology indeed! It's in the simplicity and ordinariness of the conversation that you hit the target. Contrary to popular opinion, I do not think Jesus would talk in a pompous outdated form of English. He addresses us in the language we know and understand and this is exactly what you have done.

Style:

You have a simple and direct style that is well suited to the subject and how you have decided to tackle it. The one thing I have to point out is the old "show, don't tell" message. In other words, it is not necessary to tell me that the park was beautiful. You have told me enough for me to make up my own mind on that score.

Interestingly, you have not described how Jesus looked. I guess we all have our own opinions on that and it is probably the wisest course to dodge the issue. The important thing about Him is always the message.

Flow/Pace:

Always a difficult one to judge. I didn't notice any hiccups or huge variations in pace so we can take it that those aspects are fine. Remember that it can spice up a piece if the pace varies to indicate matters of greater interest or excitement, however.

Suggestions:

I'm sure Jesus wouldn't mind your appearance at the meeting in a jogging suit but I have my doubts that, given such an opportunity, you really would wear such a garment for it. Go on, admit it - you'd make more of an effort than that! It's a pointer to how important the meeting is to you and the reader will take their cue on this from what you wear (amongst other things). Let them know that this is the most important moment of your life.

Favourite line or part:

This only struck me on the second reading. Your sentence, "I looked at my watch." Cheeky! Was Jesus going to be late? Just joking but it is slightly incongruous. And that's why I love it.

Overall Impression:

A solidly competent essay on a subject that you obviously love. Being me, I would have liked a few surprises in the text. A few words from Jesus to allow us to see a fully rounded personality, for instance. He was anything but conventional while on earth and said some truly revolutionary things.

But that's just me - I like to see things progress beyond the every day.



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Beholden


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