Rhoswen - Relentless Victory's (bray2015) Reviews

Rhoswen - Relentless Victory

Review Requests: OFF

576 Public Reviews Given

579 Total Reviews Given

101

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#4393721

Review of How The Week Works

Review by Rhoswen - Relen...

Rated: E

| (4.5)

I love how you personified the days of the week. So many can relate to the sentiments you share in this. I can feel the emotions, and picture a lady (i.e. each day of the week,) sitting at her desk and working though the week while looking forward to the weekend again. You did wonderful on this. Great job. Keep up the wonderful writing!

Bonnie

102

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14 days may be credited.

#4384878

Review of My Imagination

Review by Rhoswen - Relen...

Rated: E

| (5.0)

I love this! This is the conundrum faced by so many of us writers, and you capture it beautifully! My favorite part was the following line, cause in my mind, we do this daily - if not more often:

"What if he spends all his life fighting a war against monsters, after which he died in peace, but some humans selfishly brought him back to life?"

Great job on this - keep up the wonderful writing!

Bonnie

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

103

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14 days may be credited.

#4382031

Review of Spare Me

Review by Rhoswen - Relen...

Rated: E

| (5.0)

I love the faith in this poem - and I can picture Jesus sitting on a front porch, beckoning for someone to come and sit with Him. Your rhythm and flow are impeccable. I love how you interpret how Jesus would want us to live. Great job, keep up the wonderful writing!

Bonnie

104

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#4382030

Review of Beneath A Hunter's Moon

Review by Rhoswen - Relen...

Rated: E

| (5.0)

I loved this! I could hear the howling, feel the cold. The rhythm and flow were impeccable. You have such a great talent for painting a picture with your words. I have no offerings for improvements on this. Keep on writing, my friend. Oh - and I love the wolf signature you placed at the bottom - suits this poem so well!

Bonnie

105

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14 days may be credited.

#4357905

Review of Guidelines for Reviewing

Review by Rhoswen - Relen...

In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers

Rated: E | N/A (Review only item.)

Hello Pat ~ Rejoice always! !

I just read "Guidelines for Reviewing" and would like to share my thoughts with you. Use what works for you and discard the rest. But whatever you do, KEEP WRITING!!

General Impression

I came upon this article while going through the PDG Rockin' Review Academy's resource list. "Guidelines for Reviewing"

is very informative, yet easy to follow, and it really got me to thinking about how I review other authors' works.

Something to Think About

One of the things that really impressed me was the fact that you shared about yourself when talking about always being helpful. I, too, have had issues with "telling" rather than "showing." The fact that you shared this, and also shared how one honest review really helped you work on this issue made it seem as though I could learn in much the same way.

Things You Might Want to Work On

In the section titled, Make your rating match your review. - maybe add a link to "The Star Rating System"

, (entry #700404). A sentence or two highlighting what is written in this might help your readers grasp the rating system a bit better. I've been on and off WDC for years since 2008, and I'm still trying to figure out the star rating system. Adding this link to "Guidelines for Reviewing"

would benefit your reader.

Closing Comments

One thing that made this easy for me to follow was the way you formatted it. You started each section in bold, blue font. This made it easy for me to see you were moving on to a new topic of reviewing tips.

I also like how you showed your template and copied the template itself into your article. This makes it easy for someone who is new to reviewing to copy and paste this into a review template, where all they would have to do is personalize it for themselves with their username. Very nicely done here.

When an author asks for advice or input, it shows me the author is serious about improving their craft. You did this towards the end of your article, and it really impacted me by showing me that you care about what information you are putting out there for Newbies (and us older users) to learn from.

The fact that you added links to articles at the end of your article really gave me an opportunity to see helpful articles that I may not have otherwise seen. Thank you for this, as it gives me more places to look for information on how to create a review template and even another place to look for information regarding a first review - something that sometimes I need to re-examine from time to time.

This was very well done. Thank you for all of the information!

These are my thoughts and ideas alone. I hope you found them helpful. Not all of us see writing or any one piece in the same light. Please take what helps you from my comments and ignore the rest.

Thank you for allowing me to read and review your writing. Keep up the good work, and best of luck with all of your writing.

Happy Writing!

B.M. Ray

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My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

106

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14 days may be credited.

#4357221

Review of Purple

Review by Rhoswen - Relen...

In affiliation with The Iron Bank of Braavos

Rated: E

| (4.5)

Hello ⭐Princette♥PengthuluWrites

!

I read your "Purple"

as part of my participation with "The House of Targaryen" in the "Game of Thrones" event this month.

General Impression

I love the way you talk about how important the color purple is to you and how much you love it. Your descriptions of how it is your favorite color really resonated with me - I think partially because purple is also my favorite color. Very nicely done!

Something to Think About

One suggestion someone gave me that I use often is to read my work out loud as if I've never seen it before. This help me to choose my words wisely, correct any issues with grammar, punctuation or rhythm and flow. This works really well with poetry, but it can also work with other types of writing as well.

Things You Might Want to Work On

I noticed in this, the rhythm seemed to be a tad bit off - not much, but just enough to be noticed. If you take my suggestion from above, it may help you with fixing that.

Also, in your stanzas, if line two is a continuation of line one, you needn't capitalize it. See my example below:

I’m addicted to purple hues;
if I don’t get them, chaos will ensue.
So please just get me purple today,
so I can keep the tears at bay.

Other than that, I did not see any issues. You did quite well on this piece.

Closing Comments

I think this is a really neat poem about your favorite color - showing just how important purple is to you. Very nicely done!

These are my thoughts and ideas alone. I hope you found them helpful. Not all of us see writing or any one piece in the same light. Please take what helps you from my comments and ignore the rest.

Thank you for allowing me to read and review your writing. Keep up the good work, and best of luck with all of your writing.

Happy Writing!

B.M. Ray

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **

This Review was done on behalf of House Targaryen as part of "Game of Thrones" !

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

107

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#4357215

Review of The Christmas Angel - the story version.

Review by Rhoswen - Relen...

In affiliation with The Iron Bank of Braavos

Rated: E

| (4.5)

Hello fyn

!

I read your "The Christmas Angel - the story version."

as part of my participation with "The House of Targaryen" in the "Game of Thrones" event this month.

General Impression

I love this story - it shows how much love can truly triumph when we put our hearts into it. Having been the victim of too many bullies, I completely understand the pain you experienced in this. Great job!

Something to Think About

I love how you use descriptions to show what you're feeling, seeing, experiencing. Very nicely done.

Things You Might Want to Work On

He had an immense rocking chair fashioned of old, knotty branches, polished to a honeyed glow that was where I usually found him. - I wonder if mentioning that you usually found him in his rocking chair should be a new sentence?

and how colder or warming seasons would add character - did you mean to say warmer?

I became the butt of everyone’s jokes, I was laughed at and teased and I was miserable. - I think this might be better as two sentences.

but the cold, deep inside of me - I don't think you need the comma after the word cold.

Other than these, I really think you did well on this. Other than these, I did not notice any grammar, spelling, word usage or punctuation problems. Nicely done!

Closing Comments

This was my favorite part:
There on top of the Christmas Tree,
carved with a message for the masses,
was a beautiful smiling angel
wearing a thick pair of glasses!

It shows love and understanding for someone who had gone through something terrible and survived - and was still beautiful, even if others didn't see it.

This was a very nice story to read.

These are my thoughts and ideas alone. I hope you found them helpful. Not all of us see writing or any one piece in the same light. Please take what helps you from my comments and ignore the rest.

Thank you for allowing me to read and review your writing. Keep up the good work, and best of luck with all of your writing.

Happy Writing!

B.M. Ray

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **

This Review was done on behalf of House Targaryen as part of "Game of Thrones" !

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

108

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#4357051

Review of Autumn Passage

Review by Rhoswen - Relen...

In affiliation with The Iron Bank of Braavos

Rated: E

| (4.5)

Hello 🌕 HuntersMoon

!

I read your "Autumn Passage"

as part of my participation with "The House of Targaryen" in the "Game of Thrones" event this month.

General Impression

I love the way you paint a picture with your words, and the colors you use in your font really help the flow from season to season. Your descriptions hear made an easy go from fall to winter to spring and summer. Very nicely done.

Something to Think About

I enjoyed reading your note at the bottom of the page where you describe the form you used - I learned something new by reading about this form. Great job!

Things You Might Want to Work On

I didn't see any issues with rhythm, flow, word usage. My only suggestion would be a slight change in font color in your last stanza to make it a bit more readable for those of us whose eyesight isn't what it used to be. Very well written poem!

Closing Comments

I think my favorite part of this was:

A blending
of fervid summer days
with the first embrace of winter chill.
A time of contemplation against a backdrop
of change as nature presses ruby
lips to the leaves in a
fond farewell.

I love the imagery of ruby red lips pressing against leaves. It really made me think about the changes we see in the fall with the leaves and makes it even more vivid.

This was very well written and I really enjoyed reading it!

These are my thoughts and ideas alone. I hope you found them helpful. Not all of us see writing or any one piece in the same light. Please take what helps you from my comments and ignore the rest.

Thank you for allowing me to read and review your writing. Keep up the good work, and best of luck with all of your writing.

Happy Writing!

B.M. Ray

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **

This Review was done on behalf of House Targaryen as part of "Game of Thrones" !

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

109

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#4356819

Review of Old Guard

Review by Rhoswen - Relen...

In affiliation with The Iron Bank of Braavos

Rated: E

| (5.0)

Hello fyn

!

I read your "Old Guard"

as part of my participation with "The House of Targaryen" in the "Game of Thrones" event this month.

General Impression

This was a very touching poem about the guards at the Tomb of the Unknown Soldier in Arlington Cemetery. I never realized exactly how many steps they took, or the rhythm of what they do.

Something to Think About

I love the way you talk about exactly how many steps they take, how long they pause facing the Tomb, and how they do this no matter the weather or what's going on around them. It is definitely a beautiful tribute to our fallen.

Things You Might Want to Work On

I did not see any issues with word usage, rhythm and flow, grammar or punctuation. You did exceptionally well on this.

Closing Comments

When it comes to tribute pieces, I hesitate to offer any suggestions due to the personal nature. With that being said, I don't think you need to change anything in this. This is a beautiful tribute to the guards that offer this sacrifice to their fallen brothers and sisters. Thank you so much for sharing.

This really made me think about the sacrifices our soldiers make for us - not just on foreign soil, but on our own soil as well, such as guarding the Tomb of the Unknown Soldier. It is an honor, and one that we should be thankful for. Beautifully done.

I also like the way you added the link at the bottom so one can go to read more about the Tomb of the Unknown Soldier. This really helps put things in perspective for your readers. Great job!

These are my thoughts and ideas alone. I hope you found them helpful. Not all of us see writing or any one piece in the same light. Please take what helps you from my comments and ignore the rest.

Thank you for allowing me to read and review your writing. Keep up the good work, and best of luck with all of your writing.

Happy Writing!

B.M. Ray

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **

This Review was done on behalf of House Targaryen as part of "Game of Thrones" !

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

110

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#4356812

Review of Winter

Review by Rhoswen - Relen...

In affiliation with The Iron Bank of Braavos

Rated: E

| (5.0)

Hello Dave

!

I read your "Winter"

as part of my participation with "The House of Targaryen" in the "Game of Thrones" event this month.

General Impression

This haiku paints a picture of winter with imagery and sounds. It was simple, but paints a picture that one can visualize in their mind's eye. Nicely done.

Something to Think About

One tip I always like to give writers (as it has helped me tremendously with my writing) is to read your works out loud to yourself as if you had never seen it before. This helps with making sure the rhythm is smooth, the word usage makes sense, and helps us to see if there is something we can take out or if we need to add something.

While I offer this tip, I do not see any need for changes to this poem - you did a wonderful job!

Things You Might Want to Work On

I did not see any issues with word usage, grammar, rhythm and flow or form of your poem. Very nicely done!

Closing Comments

Reading through "Winter"

, I could hear the snow crunching under your boots, see the smoke rising from the chimney, and picture a snowman out front in the yard. Your imagery and sound imagery is very nicely done in this poem.

Haiku is very tough for me - all forms of poetry where there is a strict syllable and line count is. But reading your poem about winter made me want to attempt it.

These are my thoughts and ideas alone. I hope you found them helpful. Not all of us see writing or any one piece in the same light. Please take what helps you from my comments and ignore the rest.

Thank you for allowing me to read and review your writing. Keep up the good work, and best of luck with all of your writing.

Happy Writing!

B.M. Ray

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **

This Review was done on behalf of House Targaryen as part of "Game of Thrones" !

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

111

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#4355597

Review of Putting Pepper Down

Review by Rhoswen - Relen...

Rated: ASR

| (5.0)

This really touched my heart. It's always sad when we have to take our "four-legged children" on that last journey to the vet, and you captured that sadness very well. As I read this, I felt your pain. I also enjoyed the memories of Pepper that you shared in this. Thank you for sharing this! Keep on writing!

B.M. Ray

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

112

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#4355473

Review of Dark Clouds of Memory

Review by Rhoswen - Relen...

In affiliation with The Iron Bank of Braavos

Rated: E

| (4.5)

Hello SammyJankis

!

I read your "Dark Clouds of Memory"

as part of my participation with "The House of Targaryen" in the "Game of Thrones" event this month.

General Impression

I love your descriptiveness in this story. I could picture the entire scene taking place right in front of me. Very nicely done!

Something to Think About

I did become a tad bit confused by the following line:
"Like a hunted and wounded animal, Khaya fell to his knees, defeated."

I think the reason I was confused by this was because as you describe Khaya's movements, you use words such as "slithering," and you describe an environment where everything seems to be taller than Khaya. As I was reading, I got the impression that Khaya was a snake or lizard, until I read that he fell to his knees.

Other than that, this was a really great story! I sat at the edge of my seat while reading it!

Things You Might Want to Work On

The only other thing I saw was this:
"He Jumped as the birds shrieked, agitated and angry, flapping as one large, vague shape into the dimming sky."

I don't believe the word jumping should be capitalized since it is not the beginning of a sentence, nor is it a proper noun.

Other than that, your word usage was very descriptive, and I saw no other issues. Great job!

Closing Comments

The end of this story left me wanting to know what the storm was. I wanted to know what happened to Khaya. This was a very well-written story, and your descriptions made it easy for me to picture the scene. I believe that this is the beginning to what could prove to be a wonderful book! Nicely done!

These are my thoughts and ideas alone. I hope you found them helpful. Not all of us see writing or any one piece in the same light. Please take what helps you from my comments and ignore the rest.

Thank you for allowing me to read and review your writing. Keep up the good work, and best of luck with all of your writing.

Happy Writing! I see you have only been on WDC for a few months. Let me take an opportunity to welcome you to a wonderful community of writers helping writers!

B.M. Ray

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **

This Review was done on behalf of House Targaryen as part of "Game of Thrones" !

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

113

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14 days may be credited.

#4355232

Review of Is You?

Review by Rhoswen - Relen...

In affiliation with The Iron Bank of Braavos

Rated: E

| (5.0)

Hello Dave

!

I read your "Is You?"

as part of my participation with "The House of Targaryen" in the "Game of Thrones" event this month. This review is part of my challenge in "The North Remembers"

.

General Impression

I loved reading this, and I laughed as I did. So many times, writers forget to check their work before they send it in, making an easy decision for an editor to reject their work.

Something to Think About

I personally love the way you purposely used improper grammar and English. That made all the more funny to read. I read it several times, and each time, I had to laugh. Well done!

Things You Might Want to Work On

I did not see any issues with your poem. I think the improper use of English added value to this. Nicely done.

Closing Comments

My favorite part was:

"Just 'cuz you editors has the power,
sittin' up there in your ivory tower,
to trash manuscripts by the reams,
don't give you no right to squash my dreams."

In just this one stanza, you describe what every writer feels when they receive a rejection (or even before they receive a rejection.) I absolutely love this poem! It really got me to thinking about what the editors go through, but at the same time, what writers feel as well. I think you did well in showing what a writer feels, but also showing us how frustrating it can be for an editor to read something that hasn't been edited and checked over before being submitted. Great job!

These are my thoughts and ideas alone. I hope you found them helpful. Not all of us see writing or any one piece in the same light. Please take what helps you from my comments and ignore the rest.

Thank you for allowing me to read and review your writing. Keep up the good work, and best of luck with all of your writing.

Happy Writing!

B.M. Ray

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **

This Review was done on behalf of House Targaryen as part of "Game of Thrones" !

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

114

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#4355226

Review of Praise the Writer

Review by Rhoswen - Relen...

In affiliation with The Iron Bank of Braavos

Rated: E

| (5.0)

Hello Gaby ~ Finding my way back

!

I read your "Praise the Writer"

as part of my participation with "The House of Targaryen" in the "Game of Thrones" event this month. This review is part of my challenge in "The North Remembers"

.

General Impression

Your title, "Praise the Writer" is what drew me in. I had to see what you had to say, and since it was in the satire genre, I figured it would be funny - and it was. As an active review on WDC, what you express here in this is definitely something I can relate to. Very nicely done.

Something to Think About

I think anyone who has done reviews on WDC and gotten back a not-so-nice reply can definitely relate to this. The writer being reviewed starts out nice (most of the time,) but as time goes on and more errors are spotted and brought up, they get upset and want to lash back at you. You did a wonderful job portraying this.

Things You Might Want to Work On

The only issue that I saw is where you capitalized every single line. If line 2 is a continuation of line 1, you may not need to capitalize it. Here is an example of what I mean:
"Not sure how to explain this,
Your story just went south.
Truly, I have to disagree with you,
But I’ll try to watch my mouth."

could read like this:
"Not sure how to explain this,
your story just went south.
Truly, I have to disagree with you,
but I’ll try to watch my mouth."

Other than that, I think this is awesome! You really did a great job!

Closing Comments

Oh, how I could relate to this. Many reviewers on WDC can. You really did a wonderful job of portraying someone who isn't always grateful or accepting of the help that's offered - even when they ask for it.

Thankfully, most folks here on WDC are a whole lot nicer, so the negative responses don't happen too much.

Great job on this! I really enjoyed reading it, and got a laugh out of it.

These are my thoughts and ideas alone. I hope you found them helpful. Not all of us see writing or any one piece in the same light. Please take what helps you from my comments and ignore the rest.

Thank you for allowing me to read and review your writing. Keep up the good work, and best of luck with all of your writing.

Happy Writing!

B.M. Ray

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **

This Review was done on behalf of House Targaryen as part of "Game of Thrones" !

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

115

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#4355205

Review of No One Told Me it was a Formal Occasion

Review by Rhoswen - Relen...

In affiliation with The Iron Bank of Braavos

Rated: E

| (4.5)

Hello GK

!

I read your "No One Told Me it was a Formal Occasion"

as part of my participation with "The House of Targaryen" in the "Game of Thrones" event this month. This was part of my challenge for "The North Remembers"

.

General Impression

Your title, No One Told Me It Was a Formal Occasion drew me in. In reading your description, and throughout your poem, I could see a regal Tuxedo Cat sitting tall. I love your descriptions here.

Something to Think About

I thought it was great that you mention that he was the runt of the litter, almost destroyed, but how empty your heart would've been if you didn't have him. This was beautiful. It truly shows just how much you love your cat.

Things You Might Want to Work On

My only suggestion is this: The Runt of the litter, - I do not believe that the word "runt" needed to be capitalized, since the way you are using it in your sentence does not denote a proper name. I believe the same would go for the line, "to this party, my Life,".

Other than that, I did not see any issues at all with regards to word usage, grammar or rhythm and flow. Very nicely done!

Closing Comments

I used to have cats when I was growing up, and even into adulthood, and I remember feeding them and cleaning out the litterboxes, so I was definitely able to relate to that and get a chuckle at the same time. But I can also relate to how much love you show for your cat in this - I felt the same way about my cats. Great job with this!

These are my thoughts and ideas alone. I hope you found them helpful. Not all of us see writing or any one piece in the same light. Please take what helps you from my comments and ignore the rest.

Thank you for allowing me to read and review your writing. Keep up the good work, and best of luck with all of your writing.

Happy Writing!

B.M. Ray

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **

This Review was done on behalf of House Targaryen as part of "Game of Thrones" !

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

116

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#4355165

Review of Dress Codes

Review by Rhoswen - Relen...

In affiliation with The Iron Bank of Braavos

Rated: E

| (4.5)

Hello Jatog the Green

!

I read your "Dress Codes"

as part of my participation with "The House of Targaryen" in the "Game of Thrones" event this month.

General Impression

I think this was well-written. I have to say, my favorite part is:
Though Spike always dressed in Goth,
this day the raiment would be plaid;
and so he donned the checked cloth,
but when he did, he cried, “Egad!”

I am not a fan of plaid, either. Solid colors work best for me, and you do a good job highlighting how black works best for Spike. It was also a bit humorous as well. Nicely done.

Something to Think About

I was just wondering, but the words you have in bold - what contest did you enter this piece in? I think your readers would like to know this.

Things You Might Want to Work On

My only suggestion would be to read this poem out loud to yourself as if you'd never seen it before. As I was reading it, the rhythm seemed just a tad bit off, and by reading it out loud to yourself, you'll be able to hear where the rhythm falters just a bit and fix it.

Other than that, I saw no other issues - very nicely done!

Closing Comments

Who needs dress codes anyway? I hate them! I love your humorous look at being forced to wear plaid when simple black will do. This was well done, and although I'm not Gothic, I can definitely relate to how Spike was feeling! Great job!

These are my thoughts and ideas alone. I hope you found them helpful. Not all of us see writing or any one piece in the same light. Please take what helps you from my comments and ignore the rest.

Thank you for allowing me to read and review your writing. Keep up the good work, and best of luck with all of your writing.

Happy Writing!

B.M. Ray

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **

This Review was done on behalf of House Targaryen as part of "Game of Thrones" !

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

117

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#4354395

Review of Name your Domain

Review by Rhoswen - Relen...

In affiliation with The Iron Bank of Braavos

Rated: E

| (4.5)

Hello The prodigal son returns 2023.

!

I read your "Name your Domain"

as part of my participation with "The House of Targaryen" in the "Game of Thrones" event this month.

General Impression

There is so much truth in what you have written here. Profound truth, if one chooses to see it. This was well-thought out, and well-written.

Something to Think About

I love the way you show me how I can choose to be a queen or be enslaved - nicely done here! I love how I was able to relate to what you've written.

Things You Might Want to Work On

I only have one suggestion. Try reading your poem out loud to yourself as if you had never seen it before. This will show you if there are any issues with rhythm and flow. To me, it seemed just a bit off, but I couldn't quite put my finger on exactly where it got lost.

Other than that, you did a wonderful job with this. Word usage was appropriate, and your poem is one that can be related to by most, if not all of humanity.

Closing Comments

Sometimes profound truths can be said in so few words, as you have demonstrated in "Name your Domain"

. Very nicely done. This poem really gives me something to think about, and it gives me the opportunity to make the decision on whether I want to rule my domain as a queen or be enslaved to it. This was a needed message for me. Thank you!

These are my thoughts and ideas alone. I hope you found them helpful. Not all of us see writing or any one piece in the same light. Please take what helps you from my comments and ignore the rest.

Thank you for allowing me to read and review your writing. Keep up the good work, and best of luck with all of your writing.

Happy Writing!

B.M. Ray

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **

This Review was done on behalf of House Targaryen as part of "Game of Thrones" !

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

118

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#4353765

Review of Some Caring for Karen

Review by Rhoswen - Relen...

Rated: E

| (5.0)

This is beautiful! I really felt the love you have for Karen as I read through this. I love how you take me on your journey from being alone to having a special friend. Absolutely beautifully written! I have no suggestions for improvement on this - the rhythm, flow are spot on. Word usage is great, and you do a wonderful job of "showing" us your journey. Keep up the wonderful writing!

B.M. Ray

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

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#4353756

Review of Rainfall

Review by Rhoswen - Relen...

In affiliation with The Iron Bank of Braavos

Rated: E

| (4.5)

Hello Alissa Rose

!

I read your "Rainfall"

as part of my participation with "The House of Targaryen" in the "Game of Thrones" event this month.

General Impression

This was inspirational to me - it really made me look at rain in a completely different way. Thank you for that. Great job on this!

Something to Think About

One of the things I love about this is how you show me the pain, the tears falling in the form of rain. You do a wonderful job with this.

Things You Might Want to Work On

My only suggestion is to try reading this out loud to yourself and check your rhythm. Poetry must have a steady rhythm. Do this, and I believe you can make this poem perfect.

Other than that, you did great and I saw no other issues with this. Nice job!

Closing Comments

I have a couple of favorite parts in this poem. The first is where you describe the rain as crystalline tears. That really hit home for me. I can picture tears that look crystal clear.

My second favorite part was your last line, Until the sun glistens once again. This gives me hope. In today's day and age, hope is definitely needed, and this line gives me hope for a better tomorrow. Beautiful job!

These are my thoughts and ideas alone. I hope you found them helpful. Not all of us see writing or any one piece in the same light. Please take what helps you from my comments and ignore the rest.

Thank you for allowing me to read and review your writing. Keep up the good work, and best of luck with all of your writing.

Happy Writing! I see you are fairly new to WDC. Let me welcome you to this wonderful community. I hope that your time here is enjoyable and creative. Welcome!

B.M. Ray

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This Review was done on behalf of House Targaryen as part of "Game of Thrones" !

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

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#4353744

Review of A Rush Of Wings

Review by Rhoswen - Relen...

In affiliation with The Iron Bank of Braavos

Rated: E

| (4.5)

Hello DakotaSkye

!

I read your "A Rush Of Wings"

as part of my participation with "The House of Targaryen" in the "Game of Thrones" event this month.

General Impression

This was well-written. I love how you use imagery to show me what you are experiencing and feeling. I was able to relate to this experience as I read. Great job!

Something to Think About

In poetry, it is really important to "show," not "tell." You did a wonderful job on showing what you were experiencing.

Things You Might Want to Work On

I only have one suggestion. Read your poem out loud to yourself as if you are reading it for the first time, having never seen it before. By doing this, it will show you where the rhythm tends to falter just a bit. I can't put my finger on exactly where this happens, but when I read it, I can feel it. Other than this, you did a wonderful job on this poem.

Closing Comments

My favorite part of this was:
When I slowly stand to take my leave,
I take in the beauty all around,
so I shall not soon forget,
and discount today among ordinary things,
for it was touched by heaven,
in a sudden rush of wings.

It shows just how important it is to look for the beauty in the everyday. Thank you for reminding me of this!

Again, you did a wonderful job with this poem and I really felt what you experienced!

These are my thoughts and ideas alone. I hope you found them helpful. Not all of us see writing or any one piece in the same light. Please take what helps you from my comments and ignore the rest.

Thank you for allowing me to read and review your writing. Keep up the good work, and best of luck with all of your writing.

Happy Writing! Welcome to WDC - this is a wonderful community and I hope your time here is awesome!

B.M. Ray

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **

This Review was done on behalf of House Targaryen as part of "Game of Thrones" !

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

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#4353363

Review of Surrender the Soul

Review by Rhoswen - Relen...

In affiliation with The Iron Bank of Braavos

Rated: 18+

| (4.5)

Hello Gaby ~ Finding my way back

!

I read your "Surrender the Soul"

as part of my participation with "The House of Targaryen" in the "Game of Thrones" event this month.

General Impression

Wow! Your descriptions in this are vivid. As I read, I can feel the heat, see the brutes and fiends, see the bloody footprints and flesh covering the walls. You really did a great job on this, although I must admit the subject matter is a bit creepy.

Something to Think About

My favorite part was:

"Take a step back and make a decision
to hold your life in your own hands
or take a step forward to sign your fate."

I think the reason for this is because it gives your readers a choice to change their fate - they can either take their lives in their hands and do something different or they can stay with the status quo and deal with whatever fate dishes out. Nice job!

Things You Might Want to Work On

My only suggestion is to try reading this out loud to yourself. For me, the rhythm seemed just a tad bit off - not by much, but by reading this out loud to yourself as if you've never seen it before, it will show you where the rhythm seems to falter.

Other than that, beautiful job! Word usage, grammar, etc...all wonderfully done.

Closing Comments

Overall, this was a well-written poem that is very descriptive. You do a wonderful job of "showing" rather than "telling." Great job!

These are my thoughts and ideas alone. I hope you found them helpful. Not all of us see writing or any one piece in the same light. Please take what helps you from my comments and ignore the rest.

Thank you for allowing me to read and review your writing. Keep up the good work, and best of luck with all of your writing.

Happy Writing!

B.M. Ray

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **

This Review was done on behalf of House Targaryen as part of "Game of Thrones" !

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

122

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14 days may be credited.

#4353014

Review of We Are So Gullible

Review by Rhoswen - Relen...

In affiliation with The Iron Bank of Braavos

Rated: E

| (4.5)

Hello Kenzie

!

I read your "We Are So Gullible"

as part of my participation with "The House of Targaryen" in the "Game of Thrones" event this month.

General Impression

Your title, "We Are So Gullible" drew me in, and then when I read the description, I really wanted to read more. As I read your article, it reminded me of those old "chain letters" from the old days - "Mail this letter to x number of friends and the person who mailed it to you, and xyz will happen..." Ugh! Nice job relating it to today's modern technology!

Something to Think About

This is something anyone with a computer and email has dealt with from time to time, I'm sure. When I get those types of emails, no matter who they are from, I delete them. I really like how you compare grabbing neighbors and racing to the mall for the same type of promises to forwarding emails for promised goods.

Things You Might Want to Work On

The only thing that made me look twice was the following sentence:

"But those same people and thousands and thousands of others gladly responded to crazy emails."

I think if you worded it as "thousands upon thousands of others....." it would read just a tad bit smoother.

Other than that, you did an awesome job, and I saw no other issues.

Closing Comments

You point out how gullible people are when it comes to the internet, and tend to do things such as forwarding these crazy emails on the computer without a second thought, but these are things we may not do if we were asked to do something in real life, such as you describe grabbing up all your neighbors and forcing a trip to the mall. You validated your point, and your point is believable, and - if I dare say so myself - agreed with by so many others....Now if we could just get the rest of the world to believe. Again, wonderful job on this article. "We Are So Gullible"

really hits home and is very well written. Great job!

These are my thoughts and ideas alone. I hope you found them helpful. Not all of us see writing or any one piece in the same light. Please take what helps you from my comments and ignore the rest.

Thank you for allowing me to read and review your writing. Keep up the good work, and best of luck with all of your writing.

Happy Writing!

B.M. Ray

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **

This Review was done on behalf of House Targaryen as part of "Game of Thrones" !

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14 days may be credited.

#4352997

Review of The Night I Ate My Words

Review by Rhoswen - Relen...

In affiliation with The Iron Bank of Braavos

Rated: E

| (4.5)

Hello ♥Hooves♥

!

I read your "The Night I Ate My Words"

as part of my participation with "The House of Targaryen" in the "Game of Thrones" event this month.

General Impression

This was a great lighthearted take on the phrase "Eating my words." I really enjoyed reading this! I chuckled throughout as I read.

Something to Think About

I love the way you took what can happen to us as humans and turned it into what could happen to a writing cow. Sometimes, we really do get so involved in what we are doing on the computer that we don't realize how much time has passed or what is going on around us....that is until an internal signal hits us from out of the blue, like a growling tummy!

Things You Might Want to Work On

"These outages were caused by storms, usually, and living way out in the country, where the service is slower than molasses."

This sentence threw me off a bit, and I had to read it several times before I got the meaning of what you were saying. Might I suggest removing the word "where"?? And maybe swap the a few words, which would allow you to remove one comma. It might make a bit more sense to your reader:

"These outages were usually caused by storms, and living way out in the country, the service is slower than molasses."

Other than that, you did a wonderful job and I saw no other issues. Awesome!

Closing Comments

I love this story. "The Night I Ate My Words"

was a very cute take on the adage of eating our words, and you took something that most of us see as negative, and showed us how it could turn into a positive, even if a bit unrealistic...LOL. Beautiful job on this!

These are my thoughts and ideas alone. I hope you found them helpful. Not all of us see writing or any one piece in the same light. Please take what helps you from my comments and ignore the rest.

Thank you for allowing me to read and review your writing. Keep up the good work, and best of luck with all of your writing.

Happy Writing!

B.M. Ray

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **

This Review was done on behalf of House Targaryen as part of "Game of Thrones" !

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14 days may be credited.

#4352470

Review of The Skirt

Review by Rhoswen - Relen...

In affiliation with The Iron Bank of Braavos

Rated: 13+

| (4.5)

Hello iKïyå§ama

!

I read your "The Skirt"

as part of my participation with "The House of Targaryen" in the "Game of Thrones" event this month.

General Impression

This speaks powerfully about how one person can make such an impact on so many people - either for good or bad, depending on how it is viewed. There is a lesson to be learned here, for sure. Great job!

Something to Think About

I love the way you describe the boys' reactions to Nancy LaChance and her short skirt, knees showing. You really did an awesome job with describing the scene. I could picture this going on in many small towns. The emotions you describe - even without naming them, really gave me a sense of the atmosphere going on. Beautifully done.

Things You Might Want to Work On

I did not see any issues with spelling, grammar, punctuation. The only issue I did see was in your last paragraph, where you show the girls coming to school with their skirts shortened and Nancy LaChance's reaction, the formatting is different than the rest of the page - the line lengths are shorter. I am not sure if this was done on purpose to help make a point, but for me, it sort of distracted me while I was reading. Other than that, absolutely wonderful job!

Closing Comments

I love how the girls all showed solidarity at the end, showing up at school with their skirts cut and sewn or ripped....and the reaction to this by Nancy. Priceless. It's amazing to think that one person can have such an impact on changing society's "norms" to fit the times we live in. You really did a great job portraying that, and with your language, you really set the scene so I could picture it entirely in my head while I was reading.

These are my thoughts and ideas alone. I hope you found them helpful. Not all of us see writing or any one piece in the same light. Please take what helps you from my comments and ignore the rest.

Thank you for allowing me to read and review your writing. Keep up the good work, and best of luck with all of your writing.

Happy Writing!

B.M. Ray

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **

This Review was done on behalf of House Targaryen as part of "Game of Thrones" !

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#4351942

Review of Autism Misunderstood

Review by Rhoswen - Relen...

In affiliation with The Iron Bank of Braavos

Rated: E

| (4.5)

Hello Warped Sanity

!

I read your "Autism Misunderstood"

as part of my participation with "The House of Targaryen" in the "Game of Thrones" event this month.

General Impression

Wow! This poem really touched home for me. I, too, have an autistic son. You point out all of the good points that you saw in your son, yet the rest of the world doesn't see - all they see is what he can't do - his flaws. Beautiful job on this!

Something to Think About

I really love how you portrayed your son in such a positive light, despite his flaws. Definitely the touch of a mother who loves her son more than anything! Beautifully done.

Things You Might Want to Work On

The only issue I saw with this was that although you were continuing a sentence from one line to the next, you capitalized the first letter of each line. I know this may sound confusing - it was to me when I first found out - but unless that line is the beginning of a new sentence or a new stanza, there is no need to capitalize the first letter.

Other than that, I did not see any issues with grammar, punctuation or spelling. Great job with this!

Closing Comments

I applaud the fact that you are speaking out and trying to change the world's opinion of autistic children. So many times, all the world sees is the temper tantrums, the inability to read and comprehend well, the slow learning, etc. You did a beautiful job of showing that although communication may be difficult with your son, he truly is smart - and definitely a whiz kid! Thank you so much for bringing beauty into a situation that can sometimes be so ugly and raising awareness!

These are my thoughts and ideas alone. I hope you found them helpful. Not all of us see writing or any one piece in the same light. Please take what helps you from my comments and ignore the rest.

Thank you for allowing me to read and review your writing. Keep up the good work, and best of luck with all of your writing.

Happy Writing!

B.M. Ray

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **

This Review was done on behalf of House Targaryen as part of "Game of Thrones" !