I really enjoyed reading this dark poem. I could feel the torment and the sadness. The rhythm, the flow and the rhyme all worked together to make this an easy read, no matter how dark and twisted. Great job on this! Keep up the wonderful writing and I am sure to come back and read more!
This was beautifully written! The rhythm, the flow and the rhyme all worked in unison to make this an easy, pleasurable read. I, too, thank Jesus every day for what He has done, how He has changed me, and the sacrifice He made so that I may be healed. You expressed this so well. Keep up the great writing!
This was beautiful to read. I could hear the glasses clinking, feel the breeze...you did awesome on this. Rhythm, flow and rhyme all work together and as I read, I was able to feel the calming of my mind. It really paints a picture - one thing you are very good at. Keep up the wonderful writing!
I really enjoyed reading this poem. It is a beautiful tribute to your wife. The rhythm and flow and rhyme all come together very well to make this easy to read. You really expressed the pain of missing her so well - I could feel your pain and longing for her as I read. Keep up the wonderful writing!
I love how this is so encouraging to yourself. You set your goal to be specific. It's a reachable goal with measurable progress. I admire the way you give solutions to possible issues that may come up. Great job! I really believe you will be able to accomplish your goal - remember the old cliche from Nike - "Just do it." You can handle this!
I really enjoyed reading this poem. I, too, deal with the racing thoughts, the mind that won't shut down at times. Your poem really described this very well. Rhythm and flow, rhyme scheme...it all worked together to make this a pleasurable, easy read. Keep up the wonderful writing!
This was beautifully written! Not only does it highlight God's truth, but the rhythm and flow worked perfectly in this! Great job! I really enjoyed reading this! God bless you!
I really enjoyed reading this. You did very well sticking to the spirit of the prompt you were given. I did not see any obvious spelling or grammar issues that detracted away from your story. I could imagine a family of Quapaw people sitting around a fire and listening to the story. Wonderful job! Keep up the great writing!
I loved reading this. The only suggestion I would make is to make only the refrain italics...otherwise it makes it difficult to determine where the refrain ends and the next part of the song starts. Other than that, it's awesome and I love the story it tells!
I have just read "" A Walk in The Woods " a poem" and would like to share my thoughts. I admit, I am no expert on poetry, so use what works and discard the rest. But what ever you do, KEEP WRITING!
Rhythm and Flow:
You did really well on rhythm and flow of this poem. The rhyme scheme worked out well.
Adherence to Style/Form:
I'm not sure about styles and forms yet, I am still learning. Therefore, without knowing whether or not this was supposed to be a particular form, I cannot comment on form. However, I will say that I have noticed a consistency in the style of your poems and this one seem to follow that style well.
Ability to Relate:
I could really picture the scene...the path of ferns, the deer and the fawn, the red fox, the autumn leaves. I love the way you paint pictures with your words and your readers can picture in their minds what you are describing. As well, you evoke emotion in your poems...in this case, I felt calm and peaceful as I read this. Kudos!
Word Usage:
Word usage was done well in this poem. There were no obscure words that tripped me up with having to look up a meaning or double checking the spelling. Great job!
Final Thoughts:
As you well know, I enjoy reading your poetry. I really felt the calm peace as I pictured walking through the woods in this piece and the deer, the fawn, the autumn leaves, the red fox, etc. I loved reading this poem!
This was beautifully written! I can feel the pain and see you looking at a stack of postcards but not being able to read them. The rhythm and flow of this, along with the rhyme scheme all work together perfectly. I love reading your poems and can only hope that one day, I'll be as good at writing poetry as you are! Keep writing!
I have just read "Wild Anxiety" and would like to share my thoughts. I admit, I am no expert on poetry, so use what works and discard the rest. But what ever you do, KEEP WRITING!
Rhythm and Flow:
You really did very well in your meter, keeping each line 10 syllables. Wonderful job in this. However, in reading it out loud to myself, even though the syllable count was correct, the rhythm seemed just a bit off. I'm not sure if this was just me and the way I was reading it. Try reading this out loud to yourself and see if you hear the same thing I heard when I read it.
Adherence to Style/Form:
You really did well in adhering to the style and the form of a sonnet - 10 syllables per line. You followed the correct form of abab, cdcd,efef,gg. I don't know if I would have been able to do that and still get my emotions onto the page where people could feel what I was feeling.
Ability to Relate:
I could relate to the emotions and thoughts that flowed through this poem. I have been there, done that. "Taming" anxiety is definitely no easy task. In that aspect, you did well.
Word Usage:
Your word usage worked well. I could understand the point you were trying to make about how anxiety affects a person. The words and phrases you used were words that most of us would understand and can relate to.
Final Thoughts:
For a first time, I believe you did quite well. It's not easy to write a poem about such a personal topic and keep it within the laws of forms such as a sonnet. My favorite part was:
"I have only myself to share my blame
until my wild anxiety is tame."
That says so much right there - but it also shows just how personal this poem is to you. Please keep sharing with us your personal insights into the world around you!
I have just read {item:} and would like to share my thoughts. I admit, I am no expert on poetry, so use what works and discard the rest. But what ever you do, KEEP WRITING!
Rhythm and Flow:
The rhythm and flow of this poem worked out really well. It was easy to read and follow.
Adherence to Style/Form:
You stated in your description that this is a Sonnet. While I am no expert, I believe you did well in adhering to the principles of a Sonnet in form and syllables per line. Well done!
Ability to Relate:
I was able to relate to this poem in the fact that you talk about loving and getting hurt, as well as loving and it being wonderful. Great job in portraying the feelings in this poem.
Word Usage:
The only question as far as word usage I had was in the 3rd stanza...2nd line, I wasn't sure if you meant the word "manta" or if you meant "manna." I had to read this line twice to understand what you meant.
Final Thoughts:
I believe this poem was done very well, and you really portrayed feelings with your words. Great job!
The emotion in this letter to your dad is so raw, I could feel it. It touched home for me because this was how I felt when my Daddy died...except his was extremely sudden...One second he was fine, the next he was gone. You did really well on this, and I have no suggestions for improvement - especially since this is such a personal way of dealing with loss. Very well written. Keep up the great writing!
You did really well on this and painted a beautiful picture with your words. I could picture the scene, feel the wind blow and hear the music. It truly sounds beautiful. The only thing I noticed, and I understand it may have been written this way intentionally, is you start out talking about a night last week. Then in the paragraph talking about separating yourself from the essence of New York, (2nd to last paragraph) you say "Tonight." This threw me off just a bit. This is beautiful! Keep up the wonderful writing!
Okay, this was interesting yet strange. I enjoyed reading this, although it did kind of make my stomach churn. You did well adhering to the contest guidelines, though. Rhythm, flow and rhyme seemed to work out pretty good. Keep up the great writing!
I love this image! It's beautiful and kinda eerie at the same time...Reminds me of a winter sunrise where the trees have no leaves! Keep up the beautiful work!!!
I just read your item, "Pride" and would like to share my humble thoughts with you Please bear in mind these are just my thoughts. Use what works for you and discard the rest.
What I liked:
I love the way you describe what is going on - I could really picture the scene. And the fact that you chose something that for so long, people were afraid to even mention.
Suggestions:
Go through and double check your punctuation. In the paragraphs where Jerome and Marco are talking, there is an inconsistency with the quotation marks. Also, when you mention a successful practice bringing babies into the world, but the spelling on the word successful...I read successfully and I had to read it a couple of times to catch on. Also, a description of Marco and Jerome might help here.
Strengths:
Based on the prompt, you did very well in sticking with the instructions of the prompt. Your descriptions of the little old lady really painted a great picture. I could actually see her.
Overall Impression:
I enjoyed reading this because it wasn't just about someone waving around some sports memorabilia and flaunting their favorite team. Great job!
If you have any questions, please feel free to email me back! Thank you for sharing!
I just read your item, "Words" and would like to share my humble thoughts with you Please bear in mind these are just my thoughts. Use what works for you and discard the rest.
What I liked:
I really love the fact that your remind people that in a time of sorrow, words are just that...words, and that in that moment, they really don't help.
Suggestions:
The only suggestion I have for this piece is to double check your spacing between your paragraphs - it seems to me (and it could just be me) that there is more space between your first and second paragraphs than between the rest of the paragraphs.
Strengths:
You did well on explaining to people why their words usually don't help when we have the gaping hole of losing a loved one. The fact that you remind the reader that the pain will ease is encouraging. And your discussion of faith really works with this piece because in a time of loss, faith can sometimes be the one thing that gets us through.
Overall Impression:
My impression of this piece was that it was well-written and encouraging to those of us who have dealt with the loss of a loved one, yet you bring to the forefront the emptiness of words during times like this. Great job!
If you have any questions, please feel free to email me back! Thank you for sharing!
I enjoyed reading this poem. The rhythm and flow of this poem work really well. Your rhyme scheme works well with this poem. I could picture two sisters - running, riding horses, fighting valiantly....You painted a picture with your words. Well done. I have no suggestions for improvement on this. Keep up the great writing!
Okay, I understand this was written for a bad story contest. You definitely succeeded in that...Needs a lot of work to make it even close to interesting. But you know me, I gotta read what you write! I could, however, picture the scene. In that part, you did very well. Keep writing!
B.M. Ray
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