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226
226
Review by dblameck (David) Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (3.5)



Review of Rigorous Luck
The Big Hook in Bowling

First and foremost, thank you for sharing your work . I am not an expert reviewer. I am just another writer, but I know it is the reviews that help us to perfect our craft. My opinions are just that; my opinions.

OVERALL IMPRESSIONS:

A free verse poem about the challenges of bowling with a big hook.
to explain: A hook in ten-pin bowling is a ball that rolls in a curving pattern (versus straight). The purpose of the hook is to give the ball a better angle at the 1-3 pocket (right-hand bowlers) or 1-2 pocket (left-hand bowlers) When a ball is rolled straight, hitting the pocket must be precise. The proper hook shot is a thing of beauty

PLOT & CHARACTERS:

The whole effort of the hoot shot is for strikes.
the most strikes usually means the best score.

SUGGESTIONS/EDITS:

None

FINAL THOUGHTS:

Keep writing and sharing your work.

dblameck
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227
227
Review of Beauty of Drawing  Open in new Window.
Review by dblameck (David) Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: E | (4.5)



Review of The Beauty of Drawing

First and foremost, thank you for sharing your work . I am not an expert reviewer. I am just another writer, but I know it is the reviews that help us to perfect our craft. My opinions are just that; my opinions.

OVERALL IMPRESSIONS:

A college student whose main interest is drawing dragons,
She details a near complete explanation of what she draws and which pencils are best to create the drawing.

PLOT & CHARACTERS:

Dandy a student is attending classes like creative writing and government and politics but spending her time in those classes drawing dragons.

SUGGESTIONS/EDITS:

Just like in drawing the white space is important to the final picture, in writing spacing aids though and helps readability. Break your paragraphs down to smaller size and leave blank lines between each.

FINAL THOUGHTS:

More of things like this. I found it quite interesting.

dblameck
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228
228
Review of Not A Diary  Open in new Window.
Review by dblameck (David) Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.0)



Review of Not a Diary

First and foremost, thank you for sharing your work . I am not an expert reviewer. I am just another writer, but I know it is the reviews that help us to perfect our craft. My opinions are just that; my opinions.

OVERALL IMPRESSIONS:

A young person dealing with some serious problems in his/her life. States from the beginning that does not like diaries but then proceeds to journal the day to day activities.

PLOT & CHARACTERS:

Character is not named but there is much character development.

SUGGESTIONS/EDITS:

The font and spacing seems crammed. Use a space line between paragraphs.
layout makes the piece more appealing and more people will read it.

FINAL THOUGHTS:

write more.

dblameck
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229
229
Review of Atone  Open in new Window.
Review by dblameck (David) Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)



Review of Atone

First and foremost, thank you for sharing your work . I am not an expert reviewer. I am just another writer, but I know it is the reviews that help us to perfect our craft. My opinions are just that; my opinions.

OVERALL IMPRESSIONS:

The poet states that he needs to atone for the sins of his life and love. I see no atonement for he/she has given that love freely.

PLOT & CHARACTERS:
There are fourteen rhyming lines.

SUGGESTIONS/EDITS:

Write more delightful poetry.

dblameck
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230
230
Review of Death at Sea  Open in new Window.
Review by dblameck (David) Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.5)



Review of Death at Sea

First and foremost, thank you for sharing your work . I am not an expert reviewer. I am just another writer, but I know it is the reviews that help us to perfect our craft. My opinions are just that; my opinions.

OVERALL IMPRESSIONS:

A story of imagination and yet passion. A fishing crew hears mournful crys while at sea and they are disturbed when they find a dead mermaid trapped in their net. Rather than use this for fame and fortune they hide the fact and mourn the loss.

PLOT & CHARACTERS:

The crew seem deeply moved by the death of the mermaid.

SUGGESTIONS/EDITS:
None

FINAL THOUGHTS:

Well written.

dblameck
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231
231
Review of Love and Hate  Open in new Window.
Review by dblameck (David) Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: E | (4.5)



Review of Love and Hate

First and foremost, thank you for sharing your work . I am not an expert reviewer. I am just another writer, but I know it is the reviews that help us to perfect our craft. My opinions are just that; my opinions.

OVERALL IMPRESSIONS:

I am unsure the reasons for the struggles within this family.
It is evident that someone does not like some of the others.

POETIC INFO:

Four verses of four lines with a rhyming scheme of A A B B .

FINAL THOUGHTS:

A worthy poem. Well done.

dblameck
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232
232
Review of Frozen Desires  Open in new Window.
Review by dblameck (David) Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: 13+ | (4.5)



Review of Frozen Desires

First and foremost, thank you for sharing your work . I am not an expert reviewer. I am just another writer, but I know it is the reviews that help us to perfect our craft. My opinions are just that; my opinions.

OVERALL IMPRESSIONS:

Great poem. I can imagine the graveyard with the drifted and blowing snow piling against the tomb stones. The dead lie protected under the snow.

POETIC INFORMATION:

Two verses with eight lines is each.
Rhyming scheme is A A A B C C C B

SUGGESTIONS/EDITS:

I don't think the poem needs anything more than rereading over again.

FINAL THOUGHTS:

Well done. Keep up the great writing.

dblameck
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233
233
Review of Blank!  Open in new Window.
Review by dblameck (David) Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: E | (4.0)



Review of BLANK

First and foremost, thank you for sharing your work . I am not an expert reviewer. I am just another writer, but I know it is the reviews that help us to perfect our craft. My opinions are just that; my opinions.

OVERALL IMPRESSIONS:

Blank to me means an empty space but to this author he identifies the word with his very being. okay because people have been called much nastier things.

PLOT & CHARACTERS:

I wonder however if this devaluation is just a lonely call for notice and attention.

SUGGESTIONS/EDITS:

Write more.

FINAL THOUGHTS:

I enjoyed the bold font.

dblameck
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234
234
Review of My Garden  Open in new Window.
Review by dblameck (David) Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: E | (4.5)



Review of My Garden

First and foremost, thank you for sharing your work . I am not an expert reviewer. I am just another writer, but I know it is the reviews that help us to perfect our craft. My opinions are just that; my opinions.

OVERALL IMPRESSIONS:

an interesting piece of flash fiction where the woman relates the different portions of the garden to her past boy friends. She states quite explicit reasons why she is no longer with them.

PLOT & CHARACTERS:

A tour of the garden and a dialogue about former boy friends and their short comings.

SUGGESTIONS/EDITS:

Expand the detail. Give us more on how she got rid of previous boy friends.

FINAL THOUGHTS:

I enjoyed the twist at the end.

dblameck
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235
235
Review of Haircut  Open in new Window.
Review by dblameck (David) Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: 13+ | (4.0)



Review of Haircut

First and foremost, thank you for sharing your work . I am not an expert reviewer. I am just another writer, but I know it is the reviews that help us to perfect our craft. My opinions are just that; my opinions.

OVERALL IMPRESSIONS:

How times change. To prove that take a look at how hair fashion today and compare to ten or twenty years ago. During each period there was a resistant between the generations on the length and hair styles.

PLOT & CHARACTERS:

A son and his father argue over the haircut.
The tension causes strife and distance between two each supporting his own view.

FINAL THOUGHTS:

You touched on an element of life between father's and sons.

dblameck
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236
236
Review by dblameck (David) Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: E | (4.5)



Review of One Leaf's Journey

First and foremost, thank you for sharing your work . I am not an expert reviewer. I am just another writer, but I know it is the reviews that help us to perfect our craft. My opinions are just that; my opinions.

OVERALL IMPRESSIONS:

Everything has its place and purpose in life. Even a leaf now discarded from the tree where it floated in the breeze to having fallen now floats in a discarded state on the water.

PLOT & CHARACTERS:

there are several characters, tree and wind, raindrops, sunlight, leaf and all the different types of water that carry the leaf forward. They plot together to make this story whole.

FINAL THOUGHTS:

I enjoyed this.

dblameck
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237
237
Review by dblameck (David) Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: E | (4.0)



Review of The Last of My Sister

First and foremost, thank you for sharing your work . I am not an expert reviewer. I am just another writer, but I know it is the reviews that help us to perfect our craft. My opinions are just that; my opinions.

OVERALL IMPRESSIONS:

A short three sentence story which details a woman murdering her sister with a gun.

PLOT & CHARACTERS:

There is only two characters; the woman who is the shooter and his sister. There is no reason given for the shooting.

SUGGESTIONS/EDITS:

Looking forward to seeing the bigger story.



dblameck
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238
238
Review of Falling Down  Open in new Window.
Review by dblameck (David) Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.0)



Review of Falling Down

First and foremost, thank you for sharing your work . I am not an expert reviewer. I am just another writer, but I know it is the reviews that help us to perfect our craft. My opinions are just that; my opinions.

OVERALL IMPRESSIONS:

A poem about the memory of an old house and the shell that is left.

POETRY INFO:

It is written in free verse.

SUGGESTIONS/EDITS:
Thank you for sharing our poem.


dblameck
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239
239
Review by dblameck (David) Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  Open in new Window.
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)



Review of A Friendship Try Angle

First and foremost, thank you for sharing your work . I am not an expert reviewer. I am just another writer, but I know it is the reviews that help us to perfect our craft. My opinions are just that; my opinions.

OVERALL IMPRESSIONS:

A good poem with an important message. Many times when we talk to people about end of life matters we only come from one viewpoint. like this poem uses the catch phrase

Change the stance
Change the rhythm
Drop the rhyme
'til you listen.


too often well meaning people stop in frustration before they reach a needed plateau. If one thing does not work then try another. This is a life we are talking about. It could be my life! Don't stop.

PLOT & CHARACTERS:

In delicate situations if people have confided in us we have the chance to make a difference. Never quit.

SUGGESTIONS/EDITS:

You already said it

"Change the stance
Change the rhythm
Drop the rhyme
'til [b}I listen.


FINAL THOUGHTS:

Thank you for getting the message out.

dblameck
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240
240
Review by dblameck (David) Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: E | (4.0)



Review of Thinking Out Loud

First and foremost, thank you for sharing your work . I am not an expert reviewer. I am just another writer, but I know it is the reviews that help us to perfect our craft. My opinions are just that; my opinions.

OVERALL IMPRESSIONS:

If this is your random thinking then you need to take some time and share with us more of your thinking.
PLOT & CHARACTERS:

Your detail of your life was interesting and I enjoyed reading it.

SUGGESTIONS/EDITS:
spelling errors imagen should be imagine
never taught should be thought X

I would suggest you use a larger font.

Break your story into paragraphs.

FINAL THOUGHTS:

Thank you for writing and sharing.


dblameck
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241
241
Review of Kevin and Lance  Open in new Window.
Review by dblameck (David) Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: 13+ | (4.0)



Review of Kevin and Lance

First and foremost, thank you for sharing your work . I am not an expert reviewer. I am just another writer, but I know it is the reviews that help us to perfect our craft. My opinions are just that; my opinions.

OVERALL IMPRESSIONS:

Story about a boy who has a brother who seems to grow quickly to a large size with a very muscular build.

PLOT & CHARACTERS:

Two main characters are in this story.

Lance who has the tremendous growth and Kevin who becomes the narrator of this tale.

The entire tale seems to be centred on the growth of Lance.

SUGGESTIONS/EDITS:

Continue to grow this story.

FINAL THOUGHTS:

Keep writing.

dblameck
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242
242
Review of Goals  Open in new Window.
Review by dblameck (David) Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: E | (3.5)



Review of GOALS

First and foremost, thank you for sharing your work . I am not an expert reviewer. I am just another writer, but I know it is the reviews that help us to perfect our craft. My opinions are just that; my opinions.

OVERALL IMPRESSIONS:

A short article on reaching your goals. the author states that traffics get in your way. He goes on to suggest that we may rely on god to assist us in reaching these goals.

STRUCTURE:

The first thing you need to do is change your font.
This one is very difficult to read.
Next the spacing of sentences and paragraphs is important.
That will also make the article easier to read.

SUGGESTIONS/EDITS:
Define traffics.

FINAL THOUGHTS:

Keep writing.

dblameck
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243
243
Review of Rain  Open in new Window.
Review by dblameck (David) Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: E | (4.0)



Review of Rain

First and foremost, thank you for sharing your work . I am not an expert reviewer. I am just another writer, but I know it is the reviews that help us to perfect our craft. My opinions are just that; my opinions.

OVERALL IMPRESSIONS:

The poem seems to have an almost reverence for rain.

I found it hard to follow any substance in the phrases and there seemed to be ideas that went nowhere. One very clear thought was that rain falls on all the big and the small.

POETIC CONTENT:

Three verses of six lines each with lines four and six rhyming.

FINAL THOUGHTS:

Keep writing.

dblameck
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244
244
Review of A Breath of Life  Open in new Window.
Review by dblameck (David) Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with Forbidden Fruits Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.0)



Review of A Breath of Life

First and foremost, thank you for sharing your work . I am not an expert reviewer. I am just another writer, but I know it is the reviews that help us to perfect our craft. My opinions are just that; my opinions.

OVERALL IMPRESSIONS:

A love poem where the beginning is a acknowledgement of meeting and then progresses to warmth and finally onto passion and a deepening faith

POETIC STRUCTURE:

The poem is written in free verse.

FINAL THOUGHTS:

Good poem, keep sharing your work.

dblameck
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245
245
Review of Resolution Day  Open in new Window.
Review by dblameck (David) Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: E | (5.0)



Review of Resolution Day

First and foremost, thank you for sharing your work . I am not an expert reviewer. I am just another writer, but I know it is the reviews that help us to perfect our craft. My opinions are just that; my opinions.

OVERALL IMPRESSIONS:

Well done. Well said.
Many organizations have in their credo to live and change one day at a time.
The longest journey starts with a single step.
Great minds through the years have oft repeated this information and now you deliver in poetic form.

POETIC FORM:

Six verses of four lines written in iambic tetrametre

SUGGESTIONS/EDITS:

I like what you have written.

FINAL THOUGHTS:

Well done.

dblameck
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246
246
Review by dblameck (David) Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: E | (4.0)



Review of Just My Cup of Tea

First and foremost, thank you for sharing your work . I am not an expert reviewer. I am just another writer, but I know it is the reviews that help us to perfect our craft. My opinions are just that; my opinions.

OVERALL IMPRESSIONS:

Tea is the USA often means iced tea. Yet in the resat of the world tea is a beverage made my infusing some type of tea leaves in hot water.

PLOT:

this article expressed the feeling of the author about teas as well ad giving the information about several types of tea.

SUGGESTIONS/EDITS:

Share some of the other types and flavours of tea.

FINAL THOUGHTS:

Write more.

dblameck
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247
247
Review by dblameck (David) Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: 13+ | (4.0)



Review of Walking on the Beach

First and foremost, thank you for sharing your work . I am not an expert reviewer. I am just another writer, but I know it is the reviews that help us to perfect our craft. My opinions are just that; my opinions.

OVERALL IMPRESSIONS:

Can't go into the water. Stuck on the hot sand because of a cast.

POETIC STRUCTURE:

five verses of four lines each. There are two lines that repeat in each verse on line two and four
the hot sand is scorching my toes,

The bright sun is blistering my nose

FINAL THOUGHTS:

Write more this is good.
dblameck
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248
248
Review by dblameck (David) Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: E | (4.0)



Review of Bus Tour in the Japan Alps

First and foremost, thank you for sharing your work . I am not an expert reviewer. I am just another writer, but I know it is the reviews that help us to perfect our craft. My opinions are just that; my opinions.

OVERALL IMPRESSIONS:

A short Haiku poem which meets the strict rules of the poetry form but has little informational content.

STRUCTURE:

The haiku is a Japanese verse in three lines. Line one has 5 syllables, line 2 has 7 syllables and line three has 5 syllables. Haiku is a mood poem and it doesn't use any metaphors or similes.

FINAL THOUGHTS:

It seems to follow the rules.

dblameck
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249
249
Review by dblameck (David) Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: E | (4.5)



Review of Penned Celebration

First and foremost, thank you for sharing your work . I am not an expert reviewer. I am just another writer, but I know it is the reviews that help us to perfect our craft. My opinions are just that; my opinions.

OVERALL IMPRESSIONS:

I am so glad you are happy with your time on WDC. I also have spent years in delightful toil with words and thoughts.

I was away for a while but have recently returned and I understand exactly the feelings you are expressing.

FINAL THOUGHTS:

Keep writing. { /c}

dblameck
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250
250
Review of Life Moments  Open in new Window.
Review by dblameck (David) Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: ASR | (4.0)



Review of Life Moments

First and foremost, thank you for sharing your work . I am not an expert reviewer. I am just another writer, but I know it is the reviews that help us to perfect our craft. My opinions are just that; my opinions.

OVERALL IMPRESSIONS:

An Indian love story. A wise mother of the bride knows this couple will have good times and bad in the future. She tells them to make a deposit into an account everytime they celebrate. One day the couple are near splitting. the wise mother tells them to spend the money. They see the times in their lives when they were happy and reconcile.

SUGGESTIONS/EDITS:

Good story. It fits into any culture.
A wise thing to teach others.

FINAL THOUGHTS:

Keep writing, good work.

dblameck
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