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176
Review by dblameck (David) Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: E | (4.0)



Review of This Heart of Mine

First and foremost, thank you for sharing your work . I am not an expert reviewer. I am just another writer, but I know it is the reviews that help us to perfect our craft. My opinions are just that; my opinions.

OVERALL IMPRESSIONS:



A short poem about ultimate and perhaps final separation of lovers. Mostly projected as random thoughts and feelings. It seems the poet feels there is no hope of compromise or getting things patched up.

POETRY INFORMATION:

Free form poetry.

SUGGESTIONS/EDITS:

introduce some semblance of hope is this despairing tale.

FINAL THOUGHTS:

Thanks for sharing this item!

dblameck
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177
177
Review by dblameck (David) Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: 18+ | (4.5)



Review of The Legend of Moffat County

First and foremost, thank you for sharing your work . I am not an expert reviewer. I am just another writer, but I know it is the reviews that help us to perfect our craft. My opinions are just that; my opinions.

OVERALL IMPRESSIONS:

A horror story written in two halves with the real horror just left unwritten going on between.

PLOT & CHARACTERS:

Walter Jackson a stranded business man becomes the victim of what could be a vampire.
By being a victim then he himself a vampire and leads to the second part of the story.

SUGGESTIONS/EDITS:

A little more detail especially the gruesome ones.

FINAL THOUGHTS:

Thanks for sharing this item!


dblameck
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178
178
Review by dblameck (David) Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: E | (5.0)



Review of I'm Sorry I Didn't Take Action

First and foremost, thank you for sharing your work . I am not an expert reviewer. I am just another writer, but I know it is the reviews that help us to perfect our craft. My opinions are just that; my opinions.

OVERALL IMPRESSIONS:

A confession by a youth leader for not standing up and being vocal in a meeting of persons dealing with the needs of children. This woman feels she let the children down by not defending the report.

PLOT & CHARACTERS:

A meeting is held by agencies who help children to discuss a deport entitled "Young People, The Way Forward". Ruth the only named character thinks the report has some merit but when other seem opposed to it, she remains silent. The letter is an apology to the youth she works with.

SUGGESTIONS/EDITS:

I don't see any problems with spelling or grammar.

FINAL THOUGHTS:

Thanks for sharing this item!


dblameck
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179
179
Review of Wither  Open in new Window.
Review by dblameck (David) Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: E | (4.0)



Review of Wither

First and foremost, thank you for sharing your work . I am not an expert reviewer. I am just another writer, but I know it is the reviews that help us to perfect our craft. My opinions are just that; my opinions.

OVERALL IMPRESSIONS:

A short poem that gives some advice to the next generation. It is not done forcilby but with a hope for the future.

POETRY INFORMATION:

Nine lines of free verse poetry.

SUGGESTIONS/EDITS:

You could extend this and share more.

FINAL THOUGHTS:

Thanks for writing this item!

dblameck
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180
180
Review by dblameck (David) Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: 13+ | (5.0)



Review of End of the Line

First and foremost, thank you for sharing your work . I am not an expert reviewer. I am just another writer, but I know it is the reviews that help us to perfect our craft. My opinions are just that; my opinions.

OVERALL IMPRESSIONS:

Wow. I am not sure what is happening but it is happening extremely fast and the momentous collision is going to be deadly. Why is this happening. I don't have the answer I only see speeding train and man on the tracks.

PLOT & CHARACTERS:

Other than the man on the tracks, we have Tessa who it seems loves him but it also is responsible for the problems he now has.

SUGGESTIONS/EDITS:

Flash fiction is great but I would like to see this story line expanded.

FINAL THOUGHTS:

A good piece of work. Thanks for sharing this item!


dblameck
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181
181
Review by dblameck (David) Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: ASR | (4.0)



Review of Idea That Started It All

First and foremost, thank you for sharing your work . I am not an expert reviewer. I am just another writer, but I know it is the reviews that help us to perfect our craft. My opinions are just that; my opinions.

OVERALL IMPRESSIONS:

this article is written in the format of a cover letter stating that attached is an idea which is 4,648 words long and of the best idea since God created everything.
the letter never states what the idea is but does spend some time stating the qualities of the writer.

PLOT & CHARACTERS:

This tremendous idea seems to be some great thing but there is no divulging as to what it is.

FINAL THOUGHTS:

Thanks for sharing this item!


dblameck
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182
182
Review of Joyous Spirits  Open in new Window.
Review by dblameck (David) Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: E | (4.5)



Review of Joyous Spirits

First and foremost, thank you for sharing your work . I am not an expert reviewer. I am just another writer, but I know it is the reviews that help us to perfect our craft. My opinions are just that; my opinions.

OVERALL IMPRESSIONS:

A great Christmas poem. it includes the winter theme, the religious aspect and the celebration of family.

POETRY INFORMATION:

The poet has included the information on this type of poetry.

SUGGESTIONS/EDITS:

Write more poems like this.

FINAL THOUGHTS:

Thanks for sharing this item!

dblameck
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183
183
Review of Special Delivery  Open in new Window.
Review by dblameck (David) Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: E | (4.5)



Review of Special Delivery

First and foremost, thank you for sharing your work . I am not an expert reviewer. I am just another writer, but I know it is the reviews that help us to perfect our craft. My opinions are just that; my opinions.

OVERALL IMPRESSIONS:

A good story with lots of descriptive passages. I could visualize this remains of a great tree firmly lodged in the sand as it weathered form becomes a bench for people passing by and a trap to ensnare elements brought ashore by the tide.

The second half of the story involves the message in a bottle. A tale that excites one with wonder and mystery.

PLOT & CHARACTERS:

The man share his thoughts while resting on this convenient bench provided by nature.

SUGGESTIONS/EDITS:

I would read other reflections from this half sunken tree.

FINAL THOUGHTS:

Thanks for sharing this item!


dblameck
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184
184
Review by dblameck (David) Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: E | (4.5)



Review of To Freedom for All

First and foremost, thank you for sharing your work . I am not an expert reviewer. I am just another writer, but I know it is the reviews that help us to perfect our craft. My opinions are just that; my opinions.

OVERALL IMPRESSIONS:

To me it is extremely important that when we talk about the hero like aspects of service personnel we must always include the family as well. That should also include the extended family. To be willing to serve may seem sometimes trivial but there is always the portend of something dreadful.

POETRY INFORMATION:

eighteen lines of free verse.

FINAL THOUGHTS:

Thanks for sharing this item!

dblameck
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185
185
Review by dblameck (David) Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: E | (4.5)
. Mr. Magoo's Voyage Goes Astray {/b}

First and foremost, thank you for sharing your work . I am not an expert reviewer. I am just another writer, but I know it is the reviews that help us to perfect our craft. My opinions are just that; my opinions.

OVERALL IMPRESSIONS:

A three verse poem about a a sea trip that shares some wonderful images. good desctiptions.

POETRY INFORMATION:

Each verse has the rhyming scheme of A B A B. There is a final rhyming couplet.

FINAL THOUGHTS:

Thanks for sharing this item!

dblameck
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186
186
Review by dblameck (David) Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: ASR | (4.5)



Review of Wicked Witch was Framed

First and foremost, thank you for sharing your work . I am not an expert reviewer. I am just another writer, but I know it is the reviews that help us to perfect our craft. My opinions are just that; my opinions.

OVERALL IMPRESSIONS:

A very different take of the story of the Wizard of Oz. In fact it places Dorthy as the evil person and the two witches as the victims of this serial witch killer.

PLOT & CHARACTERS:

The plot is that Dorthy has intentionally dropped her house of the first witch and then stole her ruby slippers. Dorthy then plots with the Wizard of Oz o kill the other witch and steal her broom

SUGGESTIONS/EDITS:

Write of your detail about Dorthy's partners in crime.

FINAL THOUGHTS:

Thanks for sharing this item!


dblameck
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187
187
Review by dblameck (David) Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: ASR | (4.5)



Review of Human Physical Traits

First and foremost, thank you for sharing your work . I am not an expert reviewer. I am just another writer, but I know it is the reviews that help us to perfect our craft. My opinions are just that; my opinions.

OVERALL IMPRESSIONS:

The poet has chosen to deal with the common physical traits of mankind.
Hair colour, eye colour, skin colour and body size: tall or short; skinny or fat. Stating that sometimes we are too infatuated with the differences.
I agree the world would be better if we ignored the differences. However I do not think this will ever happen.

POETRY INFORMATION:

Six verses with each verse being a quatrain (quatrains with lines 1 and 3, 2 and 4 end-rhymed, 10 syllables per line)

SUGGESTIONS/EDITS:

Keep writing poetry.

FINAL THOUGHTS:

Thanks for sharing this item!

dblameck
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188
188
Review of My Grouse Country  Open in new Window.
Review by dblameck (David) Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: E | (4.0)



Review of My Grouse Country

First and foremost, thank you for sharing your work . I am not an expert reviewer. I am just another writer, but I know it is the reviews that help us to perfect our craft. My opinions are just that; my opinions.

OVERALL IMPRESSIONS:

A poem about Australia the land of his country. He seems very proud.


POETRY INFORMATION:

Four verses of three lines each. Each verse with a A A B rhyming scheme. Short lines give the poem a reflective cadence like walking.

SUGGESTIONS/EDITS:

Its a big country, write more.

FINAL THOUGHTS:

Thanks for sharing this item!

dblameck
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189
189
Review of A New Year  Open in new Window.
Review by dblameck (David) Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: ASR | (4.0)



Review of A New Year

First and foremost, thank you for sharing your work . I am not an expert reviewer. I am just another writer, but I know it is the reviews that help us to perfect our craft. My opinions are just that; my opinions.

OVERALL IMPRESSIONS:

Twenty lines of free form poetry based on the new calendar replacing the old as the year changes.

POETRY INFORMATION:

free verse.

SUGGESTIONS/EDITS:

I enjoyed the references where photos of playful cats are replaced with frolicking rowdy puppies..

FINAL THOUGHTS:

Thanks for sharing this item!

dblameck
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190
190
Review of Passing Of Time  Open in new Window.
Review by dblameck (David) Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.5)



Review of Passing of Time

First and foremost, thank you for sharing your work . I am not an expert reviewer. I am just another writer, but I know it is the reviews that help us to perfect our craft. My opinions are just that; my opinions.

OVERALL IMPRESSIONS:

Yes it is all going to end. Life as we know will be a thing of the past. The sun will become super hot and then dwindle.
Mankind will not we writing poetry then.

POETRY INFORMATION:

Two verses of five lines each.
Rhyming scheme on the first verse is A A B A B The rhyming scheme is not continued in the second verse.

FINAL THOUGHTS:

Good poem. Good reminder.


dblameck
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191
191
Review of The Sweet Shop  Open in new Window.
Review by dblameck (David) Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: E | (4.0)



Review of The Sweet Shop

First and foremost, thank you for sharing your work . I am not an expert reviewer. I am just another writer, but I know it is the reviews that help us to perfect our craft. My opinions are just that; my opinions.

OVERALL IMPRESSIONS:

A story about a woman who owns a sweet shop and has spent the day giving away samples. She does not eat samples but still gains weight She starts many fad diets. As each person eats their sample the woman goes through the motions of eating.

PLOT & CHARACTERS:

Ovia owns the Sweet Shop and Zia is her son who stops her from eating a Chocolate Creation.

FINAL THOUGHTS:

Interesting Story.

dblameck
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192
192
Review of Nothing  Open in new Window.
Review by dblameck (David) Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: ASR | (4.5)



Review of Nothing

First and foremost, thank you for sharing your work . I am not an expert reviewer. I am just another writer, but I know it is the reviews that help us to perfect our craft. My opinions are just that; my opinions.

OVERALL IMPRESSIONS:

A woman is in pain and the doctors don;t know why, Nothing seems to work and she therefore shuffles around because pain seems even worse when you don't move. Her other half is in pain of heart because he can do nothing to ease her pain.

POETRY INFORMATION:

Written in free verse. thirty-six lines.

FINAL THOUGHTS:

A lot of feeling in these words.You express the inner pain of the spouse so well.

dblameck
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193
193
Review of The Boon  Open in new Window.
Review by dblameck (David) Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: 13+ | (4.5)



Review of The Boon

First and foremost, thank you for sharing your work . I am not an expert reviewer. I am just another writer, but I know it is the reviews that help us to perfect our craft. My opinions are just that; my opinions.

OVERALL IMPRESSIONS:

A misshapened character goes to the Lord of the land to ask for help because he is tired to being laughted at. They have some sympathy for him and the court sorcerer does some changes to make into some sort of monster (This is what I got out of this reading but I may be wrong).

PLOT & CHARACTERS:

Very detailed story and exacting character descriptions.

SUGGESTIONS/EDITS:

Continue the story.

FINAL THOUGHTS:

Thank you for sharing.

dblameck
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194
194
Review by dblameck (David) Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: E | (5.0)



Review of October Challenge

First and foremost, thank you for sharing your work . I am not an expert reviewer. I am just another writer, but I know it is the reviews that help us to perfect our craft. My opinions are just that; my opinions.

OVERALL IMPRESSIONS:

It seems to me that all the plot information has been accumulated here to aid the author in furthering the development of the fine aspects of the story.

PLOT & CHARACTERS:

The material is complex and the characters have been created in order to promote the correct historical era (1980) and complete the rest of the planned story.

SUGGESTIONS/EDITS:

Go for it. You have everything ready.

FINAL THOUGHTS:

I am pleased and impressed with your preparation.

dblameck
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195
195
Review by dblameck (David) Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: E | (3.0)



Review of Valentine Day 2019

First and foremost, thank you for sharing your work . I am not an expert reviewer. I am just another writer, but I know it is the reviews that help us to perfect our craft. My opinions are just that; my opinions.

OVERALL IMPRESSIONS:

Since it is now over we can say it was the unluckiest day. You need to make sentences. Periods break thoughts.

PLOT & CHARACTERS:

characters are shallow and need more interaction.

SUGGESTIONS/EDITS:

close friend should be close friends
Finish should be finished
hell did I done wrong should be what did I do wrong.


FINAL THOUGHTS:

keep writing.

dblameck
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196
196
Review by dblameck (David) Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: ASR | (4.0)



Review of Over and Over Again

First and foremost, thank you for sharing your work . I am not an expert reviewer. I am just another writer, but I know it is the reviews that help us to perfect our craft. My opinions are just that; my opinions.

OVERALL IMPRESSIONS:

A prelude to what I expect will be a scary story filled with strange and hidden aspects of this old house. There is a lot here and in a sense I felt like there was too much for the opening chapter.

SUGGESTIONS/EDITS:

In the first sentence you have already personified the house (house was looming)ed. You have lumped together the description of the house, the surrounding area, some of the agreement to stay there and some of the past history of the house.

All this is too much at one time. Separate paragraphs and maybe even separate chapters for the more important items.

You also seem adverse to using commas. Spacing between paragraphs is a simple tool to organize different elements and make them stand out from each other.

FINAL THOUGHTS:

A lot of good stuff here. Organize it in a logical order and create a masterpiece.

dblameck
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197
197
Review of Writer's Block  Open in new Window.
Review by dblameck (David) Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: E | (4.5)



Review of Writer's Block

First and foremost, thank you for sharing your work . I am not an expert reviewer. I am just another writer, but I know it is the reviews that help us to perfect our craft. My opinions are just that; my opinions.

OVERALL IMPRESSIONS:

Good story. a young writer writes about something that is happening in his family even if he does not know what it is.
It causes him problems because it is an adult situation.

PLOT & CHARACTERS:

His mother is having sex with the next door neighbour. Mr. Kates and his mother become the characters that are causing this writer his blockage, Once he understand the block is gone.

SUGGESTIONS/EDITS:

good story well told.

FINAL THOUGHTS:

keep sharing.

dblameck
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198
198
Review by dblameck (David) Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: E | (3.5)



Review of Running Back to You

First and foremost, thank you for sharing your work . I am not an expert reviewer. I am just another writer, but I know it is the reviews that help us to perfect our craft. My opinions are just that; my opinions.

OVERALL IMPRESSIONS:

A flash fiction romance story about a man trying to regain a lost love. The way to do that is filled with many roadblocks which slow him down. In the end when it looks like he is going to fail.
She comes forward walking to him.

PLOT & CHARACTERS:

The characters are not named.
He is the main character and he seems to be totally disorganized. So much so he has problems getting dressed.

SUGGESTIONS/EDITS:

Obviously having to follow a script from a song (guess) is difficult. You have done well.

FINAL THOUGHTS:

Good work.

dblameck
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199
199
Review of She Lives  Open in new Window.
Review by dblameck (David) Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: E | (4.5)



Review of She Lives

First and foremost, thank you for sharing your work . I am not an expert reviewer. I am just another writer, but I know it is the reviews that help us to perfect our craft. My opinions are just that; my opinions.

OVERALL IMPRESSIONS:

A detailed retelling of the story of the woman at the well from the Gospel of John chapter four. This is considered to be an important indication of Jesus' message to also be for women and non-jews.

PLOT & CHARACTERS:

The woman must go to fill her water jugs in the middle of the day because she is not accepted by the other women.
Jesus tells her about Living Water and this brings out his message.

SUGGESTIONS/EDITS:

Continue the story into the disciples and their grasp of this important event.

FINAL THOUGHTS:

well written story.

dblameck
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200
200
Review by dblameck (David) Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: E | (4.0)



Review of I've Been Looking For You

First and foremost, thank you for sharing your work . I am not an expert reviewer. I am just another writer, but I know it is the reviews that help us to perfect our craft. My opinions are just that; my opinions.

OVERALL IMPRESSIONS:

A flash fiction story of a doctor doing a procedure to remove a tiny alien from a person's body.
He has already done two similar operations successfully. This one is giving him a problem.

PLOT & CHARACTERS:

Dr.Keith Rose is the surgeon with an experienced team.
Ginette Willis is the patient.

SUGGESTIONS/EDITS:

I think a description of the small alien once it has been found in the body would add more fright to the story.
ie a green snakelike creature about four inches long with razor sharp teeth.

FINAL THOUGHTS:

Keep sharing.

dblameck
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