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Review by Angus Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: E | (5.0)
*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews ~ Summer Break" Open in new Window.*CakeP*

Greetings, Marvin, and happy 6th 'birthday' on here!
I don't know if this a real experience of yours or not, but it could very well happen, and I'm sure it has.
You did a great job of writing this. Using an accident scene is a perfect example of what can happen when people don't pay attention to their driving, and they not only risk their own lives, but the lives of others!
I've never heard of WhatsApp, but if they're aiding people to text and drive, then they certainly should be sued, if not shut down completely!
This sort of thing really boils my blood. In fact, I have a short essay about texting and driving if you'd care to read it: "Texting And Driving." Open in new Window.. It also deals with an accident, although this one is true and somebody was killed! This is something that's still going on in a few states (including Texas where I live!), and it needs to stop!
Great spelling and telling, but I did spot one tiny niggle:
"I can't really say," Sheriff Taylor answered. (")It's an accident scene...'
Kee ponw ritin gon, my friend, thanks for sharing this, and may you have many more wonderful 'birthdays' on WdC!

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#1188309 by iKïyå§ama Author IconMail Icon

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Review by Angus Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: E | (4.5)
Greetings, SandraLynn!
Saw this in the Author's Newsletter and had to check it out. I'm glad I did!
This is good. I like the unique way you used those prompt words. It's true that the best intentions oftentimes go unanswered, but in the case of this poor forklift driver, they died with him.
Or was he the analogy of best intentions? Either way they're both the same thing.
And now it doesn't look good for your main character, either!
'My trembling spear of light poked a prone man in coveralls.' (great line!)
Kee ponw ritin gon, SandraLynn! 'Twas a pleasure to read, and have a wonderful day!

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#1300305 by Maryann Author IconMail Icon

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653
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Review by Angus Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: ASR | (5.0)
*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews ~ Summer Break" Open in new Window.*CakeP*

Greetings, Lezismore, and happy belated 4th 'birthday' (again?) on here!
I thought this was great! I'm guessing those mythological stories are true, but even if they're not, you did a splendid job of having Cupid relay them to us and use them as excuses for his alleged crime. I never did trust that little snot-nosed, diaper-wearing brat from the beginning. He's done nothing but cause pain for me, and millions of other people as well!
I also like how distinguished who speaking by having each speaker use different colors, and the dialogue was impeccable!
One suggestion, one comment:
'Their poison motivates disharmon...' (disharmony?)
“Occupational hazard.” *Laugh*
Great job, Jungle Jim!
Kee ponw ritin gon, thanks for the laughs, and have a wonderful evening/tomorrow!

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#1300305 by Maryann Author IconMail Icon

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Review of Out of Place  Open in new Window.
Review by Angus Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: E | (4.5)
Ahoy, 🏳‍🌈 Me ~ Duf ♏ (a.k.a. 'D')
This is a nice tale about a lost (and perhaps abused?) pooch, and I enjoyed the simple way you told it. It had kind of an old Disney flavor to it, at least for me.
The reason I think he might have been abused was his mistrust of people. He was leery of this stranger, even after he gave him food for a while, so I was a little surprised that he suddenly cozied up to him so quick. Usually dogs don't do that-it usually takes time, but I've seen stranger things happen. I guess when he realized the hand that feeds him might not show up again he changed his mind.
Great spelling and telling, but I did spot a couple of tiny niggles:
'The(n) licked his muzzle to clean up the tasty morsels.'
'He peaked out and could smell the feast awaiting.' (peeked)
Kee ponw ritin gon, Meduf, thanks for sharing this, and have a wonderful day!

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#1188309 by iKïyå§ama Author IconMail Icon

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Review by Angus Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews ~ Summer Break" Open in new Window.*CakeP*

Konnichiwa, D.L.Robinson, and happy 12 ‘birthday’ on here!
This is a neat little story about growing up and a father giving his son a brief glimpse into the world of the birds and the bees, and you did an exceptional job of telling it!
What I enjoyed most about was the ‘natural’ way you told it, from the setting of the father working on his car to his son’s ‘event’ at being told he was cute by a pretty girl to the way he explained to him why he was having those ‘belly aches’.
And the dialogue couldn’t have been any more perfect!
I had two girls so I didn’t have this discussion, but I do remember asking my own father as young boy about what the difference between girls and boys were.
Excellent job, my friend!
Kee ponw ritin gon, DL, and may you have many more wonderful ‘birthdays’ on WdC!

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#1300305 by Maryann Author IconMail Icon

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Review by Angus Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: E | (4.5)
Aloha, Victor!
This isn't bad, and you did a great job with the prompt. The dialogue was realistic and natural, and I enjoyed that touch of humor you added about the 'normal first date type stuff': sniffing his armpits, making sure no weird smells are coming from his body. *Laugh*
That ending was good too with Cosmo being short for Cosmopolitan. I have a book I'm writing called Penny and Nickel; Penny being short for Penelope, and Nickel being short for Nicholas.
Anyway, nice job!
One tiny niggle:
'You know(,) normal first date type stuff.'
Kee ponw ritin gon, Victor! Thanks for sharing this, and have a wonderful evening!

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#1188309 by iKïyå§ama Author IconMail Icon

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Review of Prologue  Open in new Window.
Review by Angus Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: E | (5.0)
Bon jour, Nadeem!
This is purty darn good for a book introduction, and you’ve definitely set the hook.
You did a good job with the descriptions of the night and how this creature managed to get his ‘kill’ to the cave, not to mention the description of the creature itself. The reader can see that it’s an abomination, but of what we’re not sure because it does have some human resemblance. AND it has intelligence (how much we also don’t know) and emotions as proved by him silently apologizing for not burying his victim.
These are the kind of things the reader wants to know more about, as well as why he killed that person, of course.
It reminds me of The Hunchback of Notre Dame or Frankenstein (the monster of).
So far, so good! You’ve certainly got the mystery and horror in it!
Suggestions and comments:
‘...or to look around himself to ensure he was not being followed’ (don’t really need that)
How far does this cave go? He thought. (actually, I think this would be better since it’s not technically correct (with or without the apostrophes): ‘How far does this cave go,’ he thought.
Or better yet, put it in italics (without the apostrophes): How far does this cave go, he thought.)
spiralling should be spiraling
Kee ponw ritin gon, Nadeem! You’ve got talent, and I sincerely encourage you to keep writing this!

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#1300305 by Maryann Author IconMail Icon

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Review by Angus Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
*BalloonR* Welcome to WDC from "Newbie Welcome Wagon" Open in new Window.! *BalloonR*

Hi, Shiki!
I'm no musician, so I can only by what I think you mean, but I do like this.
First off, I love horror and everything dark, and this is certainly dark! From what I gather, you start out as a slave to your impulses and the voices in your head, willing to take down anything and anyone who gets in your way. But as time goes on and a female vixen comes into your life, you let your shields down and no longer listen to those voices or let those impulses rule you, and together neither of you are 'haunted' anymore.
That's what I see, anyway. Am I at least close?
Regardless, I'd love to hear this set to music because it does have meaningful words! In other words, by all means you should 'rejuvenate' it!
Kee ponw ritin gon, Shiki, and once again, welcome to WdC!

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Review by Angus Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: E | (5.0)
*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews ~ Summer Break" Open in new Window.*CakeP*

Hi, Vivian, and happy 17th (WOW!) 'birthday' on here!
I'm so glad I found this folder! I was born in Anchorage and spent many summers in Seward fishing in the Seward Silver Salmon Derby back in the 70s, so to see this picture brings back a lot of great memories to me!
THANK YOU!
One thing that wasn't there in the 70s is the prison they have now. I haven't been back to AK since the 80s, so I've never seen it, but I can only hope it didn't take away too much away from the scenic views of Seward.
Dang! I guess I'm older than I thought, because I don't remember any cruise ships stopping there.
One thing I really remember about the Derby is that nobody had caught the $10 thousand dollar silver salmon for a few years, and every year Seward (it was only about 3,000 people back then) would fill up with all these fisherman from the lower 48 spending big $$$ on charter boats and tackle and going miles out to sea to try to catch this elusive fish. Back then they had 2 $5,000 fish (I think) and one $10,000 fish. I don't know what it is now. Anyway, after about 5 or so some years of nobody catching the big one, a family from Seward who were on financial aid caught the $10,000 fish in a row boat by the buoy just outside of the harbor! I'm serious! This must have been around 74 or 75 I think.
Oh, and I remember the 4th of July run up that small mountain!
Anyway, thank you so much for the memories! I'm going to check out the rest of your Alaska pictures, so you might be getting another review from me soon!
Kee ponw ritin gon, thanks again, and may you have many more wonderful 'birthdays' on WdC!


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Review by Angus Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: E | (4.5)
*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews ~ Summer Break" Open in new Window.*CakeP*

Bon jour, Lezismore, and happy 4th 'birthday' on here!
This is different. Good, but different. However, I wouldn't call nonsense, because in this politically correct world, your windows really did have a virus, so it makes perfect sense!
Think of it this way: if somebody had you called you 40 years ago and told you the same thing, then you'd expect your windows to have a cold, right? We weren't quite as tech-savy as we are these days!
I love your creative imagination, Lez, and I'll be honest; I was wondering who was doing the sneezing at first-it didn't even dawn on me about the virus! *headband* *FacePalm*
Great job, but I do have a suggestion:
'...that I was along in the house.' (I'm pretty sure mean 'alone')
Kee ponw ritin gon, thanks for the chuckles, and may you have many more wonderful 'birthdays' on WdC!

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Review by Angus Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Hello there, BScholl!
This is pretty good. I like the idea of the two gangsters thinking they have something on the other, but in the end it looks like Bobby will end up the spoils, which in this case would be Madeline. And he gets to take out two birds with one stone, so to speak!
One tiny niggle:
“Nice call, Bobby.” A voice from the corner replied. (Bobby," a)
Kee ponw ritin gon, my friend! It was a pleasure to read, and have a wonderful day!

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#1300305 by Maryann Author IconMail Icon

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Review by Angus Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: E | (5.0)
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Hi there, Crissy!
I like this. The idea of fairies and fantasies and wishes coming true might be not be realistic, but at least something people can still hold in their heart, and for a lot of people, that might be all they have left.
Why not believe in magical things? It's not hurting anybody, and if anything, it's helping!
You did a great job with the rhyming scheme in this, Crissy, and it really does touch the heart.
My favorite stanza was:
'Shhh! Don't speak your wish out loud.
It loses the sparkle within.
Fairies are the wish-keepers.
It's just between you and them.'
I can just see those fairies flying over the cake ready to catch those wishes! *Bigsmile*
Well done, my friend!
Kee ponw ritin gon, thanks for sharing this, and have a wonderful St. Patrick's Day!

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#1300305 by Maryann Author IconMail Icon

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Review of Knock, Knock  Open in new Window.
Review by Angus Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: E | (5.0)
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Hi, J.L.!
I’m known for writing horror, so I’m not easily scared. But I’ll be honest: this is chilling to me, and for more reasons than one.
Seriously!
For one, writing it in the first person as the Grim Reaper was a great idea. I think writing anything (mainly horror), especially in the 1st person, brings a more personal aspect to the piece.
Second, somebody knocking on your door in the middle of the night (I know you didn’t specifically say that, but I think it’s inferred) usually can’t be a good thing, and it would also be a little creepy. And then add the fact that you can’t see who it is? *Shock2*
Third (and this one is personal), I don’t like anybody knocking on my door, regardless of what time it is. I’m a loner and I don’t like to be bothered, so when somebody knocks on my door, whether it’s day or night, I think it’s bad news. A bill collector? An angry neighbor/relative? Somebody I just don’t want to see?
Well done, J.L.! Kind of ironic that both our stories are one-sided conversations, eh? *Smirk2*
Kee ponw ritin gon, my friend! PLEASE! Thanks for sharing this, and have a wonderful St. Patrick’s Day!

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#1300305 by Maryann Author IconMail Icon

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Review of Festive and Green  Open in new Window.
Review by Angus Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
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G'day, Don Two!
I thought this was great! Bringing Irish traditions, folklore, and history to space aliens? Whodathunkit?
I'm no expert in poetry (mainly cuz I don't understand it most of the time), but I thought the rhyming scheme was perfect as far as syllable count, and the whole piece read smoothly. And what's more is that I even UNDERSTOOD it! *Laugh* I can just see those aliens drinking beer and doing Irish jigs as they gradually turn green!
My favorite line?
'Yet when I tell them about beer and alcohol,
their oval eyes simply glow!' *Laugh*
Great job, Don Two!
Kee ponw ritin gon, my friend! Thanks for sharing this, and have a wonderful St. Patrick's Day!

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#1300305 by Maryann Author IconMail Icon

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Review by Angus Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
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Ahoy, Genipher!
Well, if you were going for a surprise ending, you did a great job!
The idea of a 'Medusa' going to look for some hideous human hiding in the woods is certainly an intriguing idea, and you told it well. I was a little curious about why your main character thought Yahr was right when she saw nothing but the corn and the trees becoming less dense-that's where she said (or thought): 'Something was living out here.' I didn't see anything that would create any suspicion for her to think that, but you wrapped that all up nicely at the end!
And by the time you mentioned the snakes hissing on top of Herlee's head, I knew something was amiss! But at least she was going to hear his story; she could always kill him later. *Laugh*
Well played, Genipher! I don't know how this did in the contest, but it looks like a winner to me!
Kee ponw ritin gon, my friend! 'Twas a pleasure to read, and have a wonderful St. Patrick's Day!
PS-Hope you're catching some fish! *Wink*

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#1300305 by Maryann Author IconMail Icon

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Review by Angus Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: E | (5.0)
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Hi there, Ken!
I don't know why, but I've always held dragons in high esteem, and this poem is a romantic symbol of how a lot of other people feel about them too.
You did an excellent job of portraying this dragon and maiden's relationship, and you couldn't have used that prompt picture any better! How you can tell a story with so few words (and in a beautiful poem at that!) is beyond me, but your poetry has always amazed me!
Bravo, my friend! I'll never get tired of reading your work! My only regret is that I can only give this 5 stars, because it deserves at least 50!
Kee ponw ritin gon, Ken! Thank you for sharing this, and have a wonderful St. Patrick's Day!

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#1300305 by Maryann Author IconMail Icon

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Review of Gold Rush  Open in new Window.
Review by Angus Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: E | (4.5)
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Greetings, Jatog!
This is interesting. I don't know what the exact prompt was for The Writer's Cramp, but I like how you told this. Miles and Conan seem to be rather wise since they knew the gold wouldn't last-I was thinking they'd spend it all too quickly, not that the leprechaun would make it disappear-so to use it to find out the answer to a big mystery like Malaysian flight 370 was pretty smart. AND they got to pull one off a charlatan!
Great spelling and grammar, but I did spot a few tiny niggles:
'Miles grabbed the pot with both hands and dumped the gold and the beige rug.' (on?)
“So the psychic would be interested? (")
'He tu(r)ned back to Conan and beamed.'
Otherwise, nice job!
Kee ponw ritin gon, my friend! Thanks for sharing this, and have a wonderful St. Patrick's Day!

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#1300305 by Maryann Author IconMail Icon

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Review of Lessons of life  Open in new Window.
Review by Angus Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: E | (4.5)
*BalloonR* Welcome to WDC from "Newbie Welcome Wagon" Open in new Window.! *BalloonR*

Greetings, Lifelearner!
This is a well-written learning piece, and what you said here should not be taken for granted.
I'm 53, and I've made more than my share of mistakes getting to this age, but like you say, they were all learning experiences, not matter how much I thought I'd failed. Even when we fail, we learn from our mistakes, and that in itself helps us to improve.
A perfect example is wanting to be a writer and hoping to get something published. Very few writers have their first piece accepted, and in fact, many writers get ten or hundreds of rejection letters before they get something accepted. I was lucky. Not that my first piece was accepted (because it wasn't!), but because I didn't expect to have my first piece accepted! Like most things in life, I realized it would take practice, and I kept my hopes up!
Fortunately they paid off!
I like how you touched on so many of life's learning experiences, and that lessons can come from anywhere and everywhere!
Well done, my friend! My only suggestion would be to tighten up the punctuation (spaces between them, etc. and being more consistent with the word 'you'-either use 'you' or just 'u')
Kee ponw riting on, and welcome to WdC! If you like to write, then you're going to love it here!
PS-You might want to get your bioblock (biography) set up so we can know a little something about you (hobbies, favorite books/authors, location, etc.), but that's up to you, of course.
PSS-And since you’re new here, perhaps you’d like to check out "Noticing Newbies" Open in new Window. and introduce yourself to the rest of the community if you haven’t already.

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#1300305 by Maryann Author IconMail Icon

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Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Hello, Busman Poet.
This is different. Good, but certainly different.
I'm not sure what style of poetry this is (actually, I know very little about poetry!), but you seemed to do a decent job with the rhyming, and the subject matter was also good. Well, maybe that's where the 'different' part comes in because it feels like you're talking more about a girlfriend than a wife. But I like how you contradicted yourself in the last part of each stanza by letting us know what you really mean!
Just please tell me you don't wear a thong! *Shock2* *Laugh*
Kee ponw ritin gon, BP, and have a great day!

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#1300305 by Maryann Author IconMail Icon

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Review by Angus Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: E | (4.5)
Greetings, Milkwalrus!
I don't know if this essay was based on a true story or not (I think it is), but regardless, you did a fine job of telling it! And for being only 16 years old, I'm not only impressed, but I'd give you an 'A' on this if I was your teacher!
You went over the top by describing how you first laid eyes on Elizabeth and how your infatuation grew to become a mutual friendship, as well as how it made you feel when she had to leave. But at least you stayed in touch, and having her to return, even if it was for a brief visit, was a perfect way to end this!
Great spelling and grammar, Milkwalrus (thank you!), but I did spot one tiny niggle (sorry to be so picky):
'...as her hazel orbs were utterly captivated me under the warm, golden rays of the sun...' (don't need that-the sentence doesn't make sense with it)
Kee ponw ritin gon, my friend! As I said, for only being 16 you show some real talent and potential for writing! Don't let it go to waste!
PS-You might want to get your bioblock (biography) set up so we can know a little something about you (hobbies, favorite books/authors, location, etc.), but that's up to you, of course.
PSS-And since you’re new here, perhaps you’d like to check out "Noticing Newbies" Open in new Window. and introduce yourself to the rest of the community if you haven’t already.

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#1300305 by Maryann Author IconMail Icon

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Review of Coffee  Open in new Window.
Review by Angus Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (5.0)
*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews ~ Summer Break" Open in new Window.*CakeP*

Greetings, Christine, and happy 10th (WOW!) 'birthday' on here!
This is quite a description of coffee, and I'm sure you're not the only one to experience it this way.
You did a great job of telling us not only how much a cup of coffee means to you, but also why. You went into some detail I never could have imagined, and to be honest, I was going to make a comment about how you were making this sound almost sexual this was starting to sound like until I saw that comment about it being 'almost a sexual pleasure'! But I also peeked at some of your other articles, so that really doesn't come as a big surprise! *Laugh*
Very well told, my friend!
My late father had his coffee pot going on 24/7, and he always a cup of coffee with him wherever he went. It's a wonder he didn't take one with him when he took a shower!
Kee ponw ritin gon, Christine! It was a pleasure to read, and may you have many more wonderful 'birthdays' on WdC!
PS-I don't know if you've ever read her here before, but Lilli ☕ is always a big coffee connoisseur.

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#1188309 by iKïyå§ama Author IconMail Icon

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Review by Angus Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
Hi there, Laurie!
Well, this is something else, but I mean that in a good way. I can't say I've ever had somebody write a sequel to one of my stories before, but I am flattered.
I like the ambiguous way you ended it, not too mention that you didn't brutalize me too much when talking about my murder! *Laugh* And 'Phillip Angus Hamilton'? I love it! That's not exactly my name, but it works great for this piece.
Yeah, after having to go through what you and Margaret had to with Allen's return (and ultimate disappearance again), I don't think I'd want to know where he went/came from either!
Nice and creepy, my friend!
Great spelling and grammar, but I did spot one tiny niggle:
'Margaret clutched that boy in an embrace so tight (t)hat I was sure that his head was going to pop off...'
There was also a few missing commas, but I think if you went back over this you could spot them.
Otherwise, BRAVO!
Kee ponw ritin gon, Laurie! Thanks again, and have a most terrifying terrific evening!

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#1300305 by Maryann Author IconMail Icon

Rawrrrr...


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Review by Angus Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: E | (4.0)
Hi there, LazyWriter!
This isn't bad for an introductory/commemorative piece. I peeked in your bio and see that you're an 'on and off' writer that's been working on your novel since 2010. You're not the first one to say that, I'm sure, and I'm glad you're still working on it! At least you haven't given up on it!
As for trying to find your place in the writing world, I don't really know if there's such a thing as a 'place'. We all start out somewhere and end up where we do. For some us, it turned out to be here on Writing.Com. Personally, I don't know what I'd do without this site, and if you're looking for support and encouragement, then you've definitely come to the right place! Trust me!
One thing about WdC is that we're not just a bunch of folks who critique your writing. We're also kind of like a big family, and when one of us is hurting or needs to talk about something, be it a health issue, family issue, or whatever it might be, we know that there will be somebody on here who will lend an ear to listen and/or a shoulder to lean on!
Anyway, don't be shy, Lazy! And if you ever need help trying to navigate this huge site, don't be scared to ask somebody on here!
Kee ponw ritin gon, have a great day, and welcome to WdC! If you like to write, then you're going to love it here!
PS-And since you’re new here, perhaps you’d like to check out "Noticing Newbies" Open in new Window. and introduce yourself to the rest of the community if you haven’t already.

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#1300305 by Maryann Author IconMail Icon

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Review by Angus Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (5.0)
*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews ~ Summer Break" Open in new Window.*CakeP*

Hi, Jill, and happy 17th (WOW!) 'birthday' on here!
This is a cool quote, and I totally agree with you that it's a lesson that applies to not just everybody here, but all over the world!
It kind of reminds me of that one about life giving us lemons and how we should make lemonade.
We all have irritations in our lives, but that's part of life, whether we like it or not. Why not make something beautiful with them?
I made up an oyster quote for my last Newsletter:
‘Your mind is an oyster, and your stories are the pearls.’
I don't know if it makes sense, but hey, I tried! *Laugh*
Thanks for sharing this, Jill!
Kee ponw ritin gon, and may you have many more wonderful 'birthdays' on WdC!

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#1188309 by iKïyå§ama Author IconMail Icon

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Review by Angus Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: E | (5.0)
Hi there!
For only using one hundred words, I thought you did a good job with this. Your descriptions play out quite well, and I can just picture this poor guy in search of this elusive bird. It took a toll on the poor fellow, both physically and mentally, but his persistence obviously paid off when he finally got his picture!
Well done, Sumojo! (I think I have your real name, but I left my dang flash drive at home *Angry*)
Kee ponw ritin gon, my friend! Have a wonderful day, and good luck in the contest!

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#1300305 by Maryann Author IconMail Icon

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