*Magnify*
SPONSORED LINKS
BY ONLINE AUTHORS
Printed from https://shop.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/deadzone/sort_by/r.review_creation_time DESC/page/28
Review Requests: OFF
13,132 Public Reviews Given
13,388 Total Reviews Given
Favorite Genres
Horror
Least Favorite Genres
Romance
Favorite Item Types
Horror
I will not review...
Romance or pieces longer than 3,000 words!
Public Reviews
Previous ... 24 25 26 27 -28- 29 30 31 32 33 ... Next
676
676
Review by Angus
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews" *CakeP*

Hello there, Novalyyn, and happy 17th (WOW!) 'birthday' on here!
This is very touching piece, and it really hits home for me.
I've had so many friends with depression in my life I can't even remember them all, but I know deeply self-loathing can be from seeing it firsthand.
Out of the 50+ people we I graduated high school with, at least 5 of them have taken their own lives over the years. And what's more, they were the LAST people we thought we do something like that. One of them was the captain of football team, another the head cheerleader.
I like how describe their feelings, and it's so true that we don't know what they're going through or even why, but they shouldn't ignored. My daughter has bipolar syndrome, and she's been known to suicidal at times herself. It scares her, it scare me!
Very well done, my friend, and I thank you for bringing awareness to not just self-loathing, but all forms of depression and mental disorders!
Kee ponw ritin gon, Novalyyn! Have a wonderful evening, and may you have many more wonderful 'birthdays' on WdC!

GROUP
The WDC Angel Army  (ASR)
Dedicated to promoting positivity, encouragement, and support to the WDC community.
#1188309 by iKïyå§ama

Angel Army Sig


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
677
677
Review by Angus
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello there, Trailerpark!
This is good. If only things like this really happened in the afterlife, eh? Who knows? Maybe they do!
You did nice job of telling this, even though it was a tad telegraphed about half way through--I had a pretty good idea what was happening when the woman in the elevator ignored him. But for a quick flash fiction piece, it was still enjoyable.
One thing I noticed are your speech tags. For example:
"Sir, we're here." Said the young man...' (here," said)
Here's a short article that might help if want to look at it (please don't mad! I'm only trying to help!):

https://writersbeat.com/speech-tags-t16297.html

Kee ponw ritin gon, Trailer! Thanks for sharing this, good luck in the contest, and have a fantastic evening!

GROUP
WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  (E)
Join the fun! We inspire reviewers through kindness and learning! Winner of eight Quills!
#1300305 by Maryann- summer travel

Rawrrrr...


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
678
678
Review by Angus
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Howdy, Paul!
I like this, mainly because I've seen this kind of thing happen way too many times in not just my own life, but a lot of others as well.
You did an excellent job of writing this all in dialogue, and the conversation was both realistic and natural. Just because that woman is her mother doesn't give her any excuse to treat her like that, and especially you! For the husband to say that at the end is an understatement (nice job of using the prompt phrase, by the way!), and if that CEO winds up with only a broken nose, then he should consider himself lucky!
Well done, Paul!
Kee ponw ritin gon, thanks for sharing this, and have a super day!

GROUP
WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  (E)
Join the fun! We inspire reviewers through kindness and learning! Winner of eight Quills!
#1300305 by Maryann- summer travel

Angus Hand


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
679
679
Review of The Dream  
Review by Angus
In affiliation with RAOK Upgrade Brigade Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello there, Jesse Madison.
I've never had a recurring dream, but I know people who have. And I think they can and do predict the future sometimes!
I like the idea of this man becoming a grandfather, and you explained it nicely why he kept having that dream. But it also seemed like there was a lot more telling in this than showing. Yes, I know it was for a contest and you only have so many words to use, but I think a few of those words would be better off used to give some description.
But that's just my opinion.
Kee ponw ritin gon, my friend! Thanks for sharing this, have a great day, and good luck in the contest!
PS-Your link to this story isn't working in The "Daily Flash Fiction Challenge" ! The only way I found this was through the SEARCH with the ID number! Are you sure you're using the bitem link?

my signature


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
680
680
Review of The No BS Deal  
Review by Angus
In affiliation with Cross Timbers Groups  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Bon jour again, Paul!
This is another nice, feel-good story about a grandfather and his grandchildren, and I think there might some personal feelings you’re adding to these. If so, all the more power to you! Nothing wrong with writing from personal feelings or experience!
This story also resonates with me on a personal level. After my mom died I was pretty much raised by my grandmother (along with my father), but in separate houses. And I too got in some trouble with the law a few times. And whenever I did, my dad always told me to tell the truth. I lived with that axiom my whole life, passing it onto my own daughters, who have now passed it onto their children.
Believe or not, the truth really did set me free, and on more than one occasion!
Kee ponw ritin gon, Paul! Thanks for sharing this, and have a wonderful day!

my signature


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
681
681
Review by Angus
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Wuzzup, Paul!
This is a neat little story about a girl and her dog, and I can understand why it won. Congratulations!
The idea of Siena wanting to sleep with her dog brings back some of my own memories, so I can understand why she’d want to do that. And it was great that grampa understood and could relate.
There’s just something about a kid and their dog that pulls at your heartstrings.
Great job using the prompt words, and the story read nice and smoothly.
A couple of comma niggles:
She’s just a little dog(,) sweetheart.”
“I love you too(,) sweetheart.”
On a side note, after my mother passed away my dad still had a king size bed. And since we’d always raised Great Danes, he always shared his bed with one of them!
Kee ponw ritin gon, Paul, and have a great day!

GROUP
WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  (E)
Join the fun! We inspire reviewers through kindness and learning! Winner of eight Quills!
#1300305 by Maryann- summer travel

my signature


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
682
682
Review by Angus
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Hello there, Chris24!
Ah, yes. A remake of that old Twilight Zone episode, but this one with P51 Mustang twist! And you did a nice job of telling it!
A Gremlin actually is a phrase to describe something like this. In other words, something that goes awry, so it makes sense that Thomas would use that term, even though the little bas**rd was for real!
My father used to fly small planes in Alaska--Piper cubs, I believe some of them were--and I remember him telling me that any landing that a pilot could walk away from was considered a good landing, regardless of how much damage the plane suffered! *Laugh*
Great job, my friend! I'm not sure how this did in The Daily FF contest (yeah, I know it was almost 3 years ago!), but it looks like it could have been a winner to me!
Kee ponw ritin gon, Chris24! 'Twas a pleasure to read, and have a wonderful evening/tomorrow!

GROUP
WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  (E)
Join the fun! We inspire reviewers through kindness and learning! Winner of eight Quills!
#1300305 by Maryann- summer travel

my signature


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
683
683
Review of Uncoiled  
Review by Angus
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
*BalloonR* Welcome to WDC from "Newbie Welcome Wagon" ! *BalloonR*

Hello there, Laurie!
This is kind of weird, but weird in a good sense.
The title is perfect, and I can understand how this won the contest, but for the life of me I can't see how you came up with this idea for that prompt! It works, though!
I believe I've heard of Spring-Heel Jack before, but I can't guarantee it. Regardless, whether he was real or legendary, and he still gave you inspiration to write something like this, then I'm impressed!
Your descriptions as you took revenge on your old high school 'chums' was well done, with just the right amount of blood, guts, and gore, and the spelling and grammar were flawless (thank you!).
As I said, this is kind of weird, but you did a great job of telling it! One of these days I'm going to ask my contestants what kind of drugs they take before they write these stories! *Laugh*
Kee ponw ritin gon, my friend! It was a pleasure to read, and I look most forward to reading more of your bizarre and macabre stories in the future!

GROUP
WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  (E)
Join the fun! We inspire reviewers through kindness and learning! Winner of eight Quills!
#1300305 by Maryann- summer travel

My latest 'Angus' signature


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
684
684
Review by Angus
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Howdy, Dobie Mom!
This is different. Good, but different.
First off, I loved that teeter totter comment! It reminded me of something I did when I was a kid!
Anyway, I like how you told this, but for some reason it just didn't seem complete. The idea of Jeremy dressing his little bro up as an Easter egg was pretty wild, and I don't see how it fits in with getting Jeremy out of trouble with his folks. Unless he was going to try soften his dad up with that costume and make him smile...
Regardless, I'm sure he'll be surprised when he gets home.
A couple of tiny niggles:
“Whoah!”, he always trusted his older brother...' ("Whoah! He always...)
“We’ll pain(t) you all blue
Kee ponw ritin gon, Dobie Mom, and have a wonderful day/evening!

GROUP
WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  (E)
Join the fun! We inspire reviewers through kindness and learning! Winner of eight Quills!
#1300305 by Maryann- summer travel

my signature


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
685
685
Review by Angus
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Ahoy, Nippon Fury!
This isn't bad, and I'm sure this has happened a lot to a lot of people. But this might be the best example.
You did a good job of describing the action of Owen approaching the door and the father taking his anger on him when he answered. It's a good thing Owen was the girl's date and not another salesman, otherwise things might have turned out ruddy well terrible for the young bloke, eh? *Bigsmile*
Great spelling and telling, but I did spot a few tiny grammar niggles (sorry to be so picky):
“You aren’t welcome here(,)” The man growls(,) slamming the door in his face.' (the)
“Forgive my senile Father.” She says(,) peering with disbelief...' (father," she)
“You kids have fun now!(") He booms.
Kee ponw ritin gon, Nippon! Thanks for sharing this, and have a fantastic day!

GROUP
WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  (E)
Join the fun! We inspire reviewers through kindness and learning! Winner of eight Quills!
#1300305 by Maryann- summer travel

Rawrrrr...


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
686
686
Review of Back to School  
Review by Angus
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Ahoy, Jeff!
I caught this one a Random Review.
Normally, something like this wouldn't interest me too much, but seeing as my oldest daughter teaches 2nd grade, I wanted to check it out, and I'm glad I did!
My daughter loves her job, and she takes great pride in it. Like your Miss Sorenson, she loves her months off too, but she also can't wait to get back into the classroom when it's over. And like Miss Sorenson, she too spends a lot of time (and a lot of her own money!) getting her classroom prepared for the new students! I think they even had a little contest between the teachers to see who could come up with the best one-the teachers voted amongst themselves-and my daughter won!
But you did a great job of telling people what teachers go through for their students and it's not just grading papers, lesson planning, and assigning homework!
Well done, my friend! I might show this to my daughter to let her know that her job means more than some people think it does!
And damnit, why don't they make more money!
Kee ponw ritin gon, Jeff! It was a pleasure to read, thanks for sharing this, and have a fabulous day!

GROUP
The WDC Angel Army  (ASR)
Dedicated to promoting positivity, encouragement, and support to the WDC community.
#1188309 by iKïyå§ama

my signature


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
687
687
Review of I don’t know  
Review by Angus
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
*BalloonR* Welcome to WDC from "Newbie Welcome Wagon" ! *BalloonR*

Hi there, Helen of Troy (seems I've heard that name somewhere before...*Laugh*)!
I'm not familiar with this Karlencia, Luncek place, if there really is such one, but I don't think that matters. As for this plot idea, it doesn't sound too bad. I'm not sure what they'd be doing in each state, but you said that there's a catch, so that in itself is intriguing! I've seen this done for a few other stories, like The Hunger Games and Stephen King's The Long Run, but there's a lot of other's ideas a lottery or something similar could be used.
I'd say go for it if you want to write a book about it (you had it under 'Novel' on The Newbie Page). But you'll never know until you start writing that first word!
Kee ponw ritin gon, Helen, and welcome to WdC! If you like to write, then you're going to love it here!
PS-You might want to get your bioblock (biography) set up so we can know a little something about you (hobbies, favorite books/authors, location, etc.), but that's up to you, of course.
PSS-And since you’re new here, perhaps you’d like to check out "Noticing Newbies"  and introduce yourself to the rest of the community if you haven’t already.

GROUP
WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  (E)
Join the fun! We inspire reviewers through kindness and learning! Winner of eight Quills!
#1300305 by Maryann- summer travel

PSSS-If you want more exposure for your items you can put them on the Please Review Page or The Shameless Plug Page under Community on the left hand side.

my signature


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
688
688
Review of Enough  
Review by Angus
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Buenos dias, Normajean.
This isn't bad, but you had a lot of words left in this where I think you could have put a little more 'meat' into it. Or maybe given a little more to the ending.
I just noticed this: are saying you were the 'metaphoric' fly on the wall, or the 'real' fly on the wall? Because one or the other could have semi-different outcomes on how people see this.
Regardless, the spelling and grammar were good, as was the spelling and your use of the prompt words. It was just that I thought the ending was a little soft.
Kee ponw ritin gon, Normajean, and have a great day!

GROUP
WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  (E)
Join the fun! We inspire reviewers through kindness and learning! Winner of eight Quills!
#1300305 by Maryann- summer travel

my signature


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
689
689
Review of Time Changes...  
Review by Angus
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
*BalloonR* Welcome to WDC from "Newbie Welcome Wagon" ! *BalloonR*

Hi, Jenn!
For your first piece on here, I thought this was pretty good! In fact, I didn't think you were new here at all when I read it. Most Newbie's 1st pieces are usually something different.
I don't blog, and to be honest, I didn't know there was that much interest in them. But you've opened my eyes, and even though you've been successful with it up to this point, I can understand why you feel it's time to step down and spread your wings some more, so to speak. We all have to try to keep moving on, and your line about getting on to the next chapter in your writing career says it all. Even in life, we have to move on to other chapters!
Very well done, my friend! But don't be too sad about leaving that chapter behind. It's kind of like reading a really good book; we can't wait to get to the end of it and find out how it turns out, but when we do, we suddenly don't want it to end!
Kee ponw ritin gon, Jenn, and welcome to WdC! If you like to write, then you're going to love it here!
PS-You might want to get your bioblock (biography) set up so we can know a little something about you (hobbies, favorite books/authors, location, etc.), but that's up to you, of course.
PSS-And since you’re new here, perhaps you’d like to check out "Noticing Newbies"  and introduce yourself to the rest of the community if you haven’t already.

GROUP
WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  (E)
Join the fun! We inspire reviewers through kindness and learning! Winner of eight Quills!
#1300305 by Maryann- summer travel

PSSS-If you want more exposure for your items you can put them on the Please Review Page or The Shameless Plug Page under Community on the left hand side.

my signature


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
690
690
Review of Rugged  
Review by Angus
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
*BalloonR* Welcome to WDC from "Newbie Welcome Wagon" ! *BalloonR*

Bon jour, Laurie!
Of the few items of yours I have had the privilege to read, this, my friend, is your magnum opus thus far!
I realized this was for the PersonITfication contest, but about half way through I was beginning to have my doubts. Most, if not all the stories I’ve read for this contest are usually comedy, so when you began talking about being able to move yourself, I had a feeling something was up. And when I got to that part about your ‘fibres dancing skyward as if they are a mighty cobra’, I knew something was up!
That paragraph was golden, by the way!
Having a rug come to life and become one with its owner to seek revenge for how she treated you was ingenious, and you couldn’t have done a better job of writing this! The descriptions you used as you slid down her throat and the soft cracking of her bones left me shaking my head in awe! *Shock2*
And that creepy ending was perfect!
Bravo, Laurie! A standing ovation! My only regret is that I can only give this 5 stars!
One niggle:
‘...with my jute-backing took a lot longer(,) although I eventually managed the same trick’
Kee ponw ritin gon, Sir Razor! Thanks for sharing this, and have a terrifying terrific day!
PS-I’m going to put a ribbon on this, but I have to wait a couple of weeks so you’ll get your Community Recognition. Two Awardicons or Merit Badges within 14 days to the same person, from the same person, nullifies the CR credit.

GROUP
WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  (E)
Join the fun! We inspire reviewers through kindness and learning! Winner of eight Quills!
#1300305 by Maryann- summer travel

My latest 'Angus' signature


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
691
691
Review of Generation Gap  
Review by Angus
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hi, Normajean.
I’m 53, and I actually remember black and white TV and some of those old commercials that were on back then. While I agree that some of them were nonsensical, the majority of them weren’t bad, especially when you compare them to what we have to watch today. Which is exactly what you did with this piece.
My father was 81 when he passed away in 2004, and even then I don’t think he understood half of the commercials that were on. Not because he was senile, but because the commercials were becoming so computerized and animated that he didn’t even know what they were selling. Hell, I had a hard time understanding them myself, and I was only 38 at that time!
It’s been 15 years since he died, and there’s some commercials I still don’t know what they’re selling!
As far as them selling us things we can’t afford, I think that’s always been around, and it’s never going away.
But just because you don’t understand them doesn’t mean you’re getting old.
The world has changed. We haven’t! *Bigsmile*
Kee ponw ritin gon, Normajean, and have a wonderful day!

GROUP
WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  (E)
Join the fun! We inspire reviewers through kindness and learning! Winner of eight Quills!
#1300305 by Maryann- summer travel

my signature


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
692
692
Review of November  
Review by Angus
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: E | (5.0)
*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews" *CakeP*

Hi, Maggie (Shelley?).
This is very beautiful tribute to your mother, and I know she's looking down at it (and you) with pride in her eyes.
I can see that your words come not just from your heart, but from your soul as well, and the way you expressed yourself and the feeling you held/hold for your mom was very well done.
Poetry, when done with finesse (as you've done here), can have a very powerful meaning. But even if the poem isn't perfect and the words don't rhyme or the poem seems bumpy, the words make all the difference!
Excellent job, my friend, and very worthy of that ribbon.
My favorite stanza was:
Deep down I'll always know,
That a Mother’s love can glow,
Through the darkness of a long and empty night;
When my soul is softly weeping,
You will come, and I'll be sleeping,
And you'll wrap your arms around me with delight.
My mother also passed away at a relatively young age. She was only 47, and I was just 11. But like you, I know she's always be with me.
Kee ponw ritin gon, my friend. Thank you for this beautiful poem, and may you have many more wonderful 'birthdays' on WdC!

GROUP
The WDC Angel Army  (ASR)
Dedicated to promoting positivity, encouragement, and support to the WDC community.
#1188309 by iKïyå§ama

Angel Army Sig


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
693
693
Review of Ivan & Flint  
Review by Angus
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
*BalloonR* Welcome to WDC from "Newbie Welcome Wagon" ! *BalloonR*

Osiyo, Laurie! (that’s ‘hello’ in Cherokee)
Have I ever been on the precipice of death?
Been shot at (twice)
Fell out of my Jeep and landed on my head resulting in being a coma for 24 hours with a blood clot on my brain (cerebral hematoma).
Had a tree almost fall on me (twice) while cutting firewood
But hey, I’m still here!
Anyway, this is indeed a frightening story, and I totally understand why you’ll never forget that night, or this nutcase’s comment.
I’ve never been in a situation like this (knock on wood!), but if I ever were, I’d hightail it out of there too! Especially at the first mention of ‘how easy it was to skin people alive’!
“We didn’t get them.” That’s proof that real life horror can be scarier than fictional horror.
When I was a kid growing up in the 70s, school shootings and child abductions didn’t exist, or if the latter one did, it was extremely rare. My mother ‘kidnapped’ me after my folks divorced, but that was a different matter. After a few weeks she gave me back to my father. My dad didn’t press charges, and she didn’t get in any trouble because the laws were different back then. These days it’s out of the parent’s hands, and if that happened now she would be facing some serious jail time.
You didn’t say where this happened, but I’m guessing it might have been in a large city. But even if it wasn’t, weird things like this happen everywhere these days, regardless of the population.
I was born in Anchorage, AK, and the pop. in the 70s was about 150,000.
When I was 11, my dad and I moved to a small town in California (Weed, to be exact-yes, it’s a real town-google it! *Bigsmile*). 10 years after I graduated, I came across an old friend from high school who was constantly getting in trouble with the law. He ended up moving in with me for a few months. Oddly enough he had a brother up in Anchorage who wanted to help him, so he sent him a plane ticket and told him to go up there so he’d stay out trouble.
Here’s where it gets really weird.
After he went up there, he kept on getting in trouble (a lot drinking didn’t help) and his brother kicked him out of his house. He wound up living in Rocket Park. Within a year of leaving Weed, I found out he’d been stabbed to death in the park, which ironically was 10 blocks from the house I grew up in! I used to ride my bike in that park a lot when I was a kid!
So to sum this up: I left a big city where there was a lot of violence and moved to a smaller town where it was safer. I was getting in trouble up there and starting to hang out with gangs, which was partially why we moved.
I meet a dude in the small town who’s getting in trouble there, and he moves up to a big city to get out of trouble, and ends up getting killed!
The distance from Anchorage to Weed is approximately 1,786 miles as the crow flies, so for him to die 10 blocks from my old house blows my mind!
What are the odds?
Sorry. I digress.
Anyway, I’m surprised you guys didn’t call 911 and report this Ivan freak. Or did you? The idea of him possibly being out there somewhere is chilling!
Kee ponw ritin gon, Laurie! Thanks for sharing this true childhoold nightmare-I’m sure it wasn’t easy to write-and have a great day!

GROUP
WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  (E)
Join the fun! We inspire reviewers through kindness and learning! Winner of eight Quills!
#1300305 by Maryann- summer travel

my signature


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
694
694
Review of Misguided Methods  
Review by Angus
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
*BalloonR* Welcome to WDC from "Newbie Welcome Wagon" ! *BalloonR*

Konnichiwa, Laurie!
This is great! And I mean that from the bottom of my bloody, beating(?) heart! It reads like Dr. Frankenstein’s diary, and to say I’m impressed with not just the story, but your vocabulary, would be a major understatement!
I wasn’t sure if that ‘instinct’ prompt would get any takers, but you grabbed it and ran with it!
The idea of bringing these mannequins to life was very unique, at least for this genre, and writing it in the first person and this ‘please help me’ form was perfect. The spelling was flawless (thank you!), and other than a couple of tiny comma niggles, so was the grammar. The reader can feel your fear as you cringe in that corner of your basement awaiting your ultimate fate by these ‘wooden monsters’!
I’d come try to rescue you, but alas, you forgot to leave your address! *Laugh*
Bravo, my friend!
Comments and suggestions:
‘Making teacups dance was one thing, but seeing something dead come back to life was something else entirely.’ *Thumbsupl*
‘so (I)* replaced them with store-bought art mannequins’
‘I started small, with mice and birds(,) then moved my way up to cats’
‘I lost interest in the conversation after a short time(,) although my excitement grew’
‘so (I)* left the screwdriver jutting from my skin’
‘Lena bled thick resin from her bifurcated body’ (nice! *Smirk2*)
‘homunculi’? (where do you come up with these words? *Bigsmile*)
*Considering the style you wrote this in, I’m not sure these are necessary. Grammatically, yes. But with author’s license, no.
Kee ponw ritin gon, Laurie! It was a pleasure to read, and I want to see more of your entries "SCREAMS!!!" ! PLEASE!

GROUP
WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  (E)
Join the fun! We inspire reviewers through kindness and learning! Winner of eight Quills!
#1300305 by Maryann- summer travel

Rawrrrr...


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
695
695
Review by Angus
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi there, Pony Tale!
I was born an only child, but I do have older 1/2 brothers and sisters. It's odd that you mention your brother pulling you on a sled. I was born in Alaska, and one of the memories I have of my 1/2 brothers is them pulling me on a sled too! I can't say that's the best memory, because we really weren't that close, but it is kind of strange that that was the one thing you wrote about for this short piece.
As for the poetry, the words rhymed well, and the syllable count seemed good too. I also like how you brought it full circle with you thinking about his back.
Nice job, Pony Tale!
Kee ponw ritin gon, thanks for sharing this (and the memories), and have a terrific day/evening!

GROUP
The WDC Angel Army  (ASR)
Dedicated to promoting positivity, encouragement, and support to the WDC community.
#1188309 by iKïyå§ama

my signature


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
696
696
Review of Hide and See  
Review by Angus
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Greetings, Normajean!
I like this. The idea of George (stupidly) carving off a hunk of bark from a Redwood tree was rather unique, but it worked well for this. I always love to see they myriad of ways people use Arakun the Twisted Raccoon's prompt phrases.
I've been through the Redwoods many times, and you're right about the Service Rangers keeping a close eye on people. I don't think I'd consider them a death squad though, but a person can get a pretty hefty fine for messing around with Mother Nature!
Well done, my friend, and I love the humor you added to this!
'Or surely knot, as the case may be' *Laugh*
Kee ponw ritin gon, Normajean! 'Twas a pleasure to read, and have a fascinating and wonderful day!

GROUP
WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  (E)
Join the fun! We inspire reviewers through kindness and learning! Winner of eight Quills!
#1300305 by Maryann- summer travel

Rawrrrr...


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
697
697
Review of Predator  
Review by Angus
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Hi there, NL*.
♥Hooves♥ directed me here, and I'm glad she did.
This is a really sad but sobering piece about just one of the things that's wrong with this world, but it's a very important one that needs to be dealt with.
As the father of two daughters (who are all grown up now), I actually had one of these filthy creatures living just down the street from me! He even watched my daughters a couple of times before he was found out, but fortunately nothing happened!
As I said, this is a real eye-opener, and I thank you for sharing it. Hopefully (and I know this isn't realistic) maybe one day we can get these monsters off our streets so our children and their children will be safe!
Kee ponw ritin gon, my friend! Thank you for sharing it, and I hope to see back here soon. You've been MIA for quite a while now, so I hope everything's alright!

GROUP
WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  (E)
Join the fun! We inspire reviewers through kindness and learning! Winner of eight Quills!
#1300305 by Maryann- summer travel

my signature


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
698
698
Review by Angus
In affiliation with Cross Timbers Groups  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hi, HOOves!
It’s funny how we can recall certain episodes from our childhood so vividly (even though your family kept reminding you about it through the years *Frown*), and you did an excellent job of relaying this to us, not mention ‘confessing’ to your temper.
As for your teacher, I think she had good intentions, but sometimes they backfire, as I believe that might be the case with you. Sometimes justice is blind, but at least you weren’t sent to the real electric chair!
‘a hard-headed Thinking Chair Parolee’? *Laugh*
By the way, I can’t tell you many times my own 4’11” grandmother went after my 6 foot grandfather at the kitchen table and threatened him with a knife for arguing with my cousin! She was a sweet little church-going lady with the heart of a Saint, but she could be a ball of fire if you made her angry. And my stubborn, senile grandfather was the only who ever did!
Kee ponw ritin gon, HOOves! It was a pleasure to read, and have a marvelous day! Now I’ll go check out NL*.

my signature


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
699
699
Review of PTSD  
Review by Angus
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: E | (4.0)
*BalloonR* Welcome to WDC from "Newbie Welcome Wagon" ! *BalloonR*

Greetings, Ran!
I like this, even though it's a little sad. You did a nice job of showing us how you (or the character-I'm not sure which since you mentioned in your port intro about having PTSD) have to deal with these people who are constantly telling you to just 'live with it' and having no sympathy or understanding for what you're going through.
I also like the style you wrote it in. I'm guessing it's a free verse type of poem, but since I don't know much about poetry, I really shouldn't be commenting about it.
Regardless, I thought it was pretty good.
Kee ponw ritin gon, Ran, and welcome to WdC! If you like to write (other than in your journal), then you're going to love it here!
PS-You might want to get your bioblock (biography) set up so we can know a little something more about you (hobbies, favorite books/authors, location, etc.), but that's up to you, of course.
PSS-And since you’re new here, perhaps you’d like to check out "Noticing Newbies"  and introduce yourself to the rest of the community if you haven’t already.

GROUP
The WDC Angel Army  (ASR)
Dedicated to promoting positivity, encouragement, and support to the WDC community.
#1188309 by iKïyå§ama

PSSS-If you want more exposure for your items you can put them on the Please Review Page or The Shameless Plug Page under Community on the left hand side.

Angel Army Sig


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
700
700
Review of A Bunny's Tale  
Review by Angus
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Aloha, Ken!
As I've said before, I don't know how you do it. I thought this was great, another of your masterpieces!
The idea of this chick finding the Easter Bunny on the side of the road was a great idea, and how you can write such great poetry AND make it into a story is just another added talent to add to your resume!
You used those prompt words perfectly, and even managed to drop that pun in there at the last moment!
Very well done, my friend!
Kee ponw ritin gon, Ken! It's always a pleasure to read your items, and this was no different. Have a wonderful day, and good luck in the contest, even though I doubt you'll need any!

GROUP
WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  (E)
Join the fun! We inspire reviewers through kindness and learning! Winner of eight Quills!
#1300305 by Maryann- summer travel

my signature


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
5,178 Reviews · *Magnify*
Page of 208 · 25 per page   < >
Printed from https://shop.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/deadzone/sort_by/r.review_creation_time DESC/page/28