I am biased by being a parent. I can only review this upon its appeal and have nothing to do with grammer, structure, word usage, or style. This was great. You describe an event that I have seen a million times. The last two lines, "and tiny hands grasp… An attempt to remove my nose!" were absolutely the best way to end this. Beasutiful.
This has a very nice idea to it, but you need to extend it quite a bit. I see some potential for turning this into a short story that goes into her thoughts and actions much deeper than the description you gave. This could turn out to be avery goo piece. It is there, the things to turn this into something special. Take the risk, add to the sense of the story, extend it, and give it some sort of bang at the end, real or not. Good luck and I hope to get a look if you do expand it.
Nice openning to get the reader interested in the promise of some romance. I like the incorporation of the writing site. The description was good and I really enjoyed how you demonstrate ollie's feelings and thoughts so well. I want someone to love me, I would like to be overloaded with GPs. Come on somebody, I will not return the love, but am fully willing to accept the offers. LOL You did a good job with the first chapter and I am interested in the remaining bits of your novel, which I will be reading.
An absolute great collection of poetry. I do not like handing out 5s that often, but portfolios with great folders earn them. I think it is important that folders get ratings and reviews. Most people pass them over, not giving them any credit. This was a very nice collection of your poetry and made it easy to get hold of all of them quickly.
Good sense of strength in this piece. The flow of the poem held from start to finish. Simple words, strong lines, and direct thought bring the reader a feel of seething anger. You say it in the poem and your written thoughts express a dark feel to it.
A nice take on something that a lot of people feel. You made some very good points in your poem and it reads well. My rating is based on appeal only and I am just casual poetry at best. It just seemed a little playful, though I know full well that is not what you are saying, with the sharp rhymes and two line verses. You held up some good pieces for thought and thanks for letting me have a look.
This poem has a lot of feeling and emotion in it. I am not strong at poetry, but I do have a suggestion that may or may not work for you. The poem's strength would be better served if you did it in a non-rhyming form. Please do not misunderstand, there is nothing wrong with it in the current form. It just fels lightened with the rhymes and a bit forced into those rhymes. I think that the points and power of the poem would stand out brightly if the lines came across, seemingly independant. Just a thought.
This was a beautiful poem. Simple words woven together within the lines to drive such a loving feeling. More than how it fits in the poetic structure, these are the things that appeal to me personally. This has such a wonderful sense to it. There is such power in this and the verses seem to haunt the reader. Very well done.
I think this is a spelling error in the first line. "Burnished hues of red and golden spendor", shouldn't this be splendor?
This is a well worded poem. It was easy to read, but had a feel that it was proper. I liked that. You did a great job in the use of the word pumpkin. Typically, I would think that people would make a run at forming the poem around the word. You found a way to introduce the word int the poem, drawing on it a symbol in the poem for the time of year. Great.
The words and thought to the poem was great. It felt just a bit uncomfortable to read. I think that the flow would be better if you structured the syllables within each line a little bit. It is just the feel. I believe that is what felt odd, the way the syllables fit in line to line. Just a thought, but I am far from experienced in poetry and can only offer honest thoughts. The idea of the poem is very good and with some adjustments in the flow it would come across a lot better.
Good Haiku. This one presents a very clear image and holds strong to the haiku structure. Not only do you present great pictures, you show give a feel of thought that lingers as the poem is read through. This poem has a soft sense to it. It was nice that you use the ciccadas as a drive. I may have liked to see a verse or two of them rising from the ground and into life. Just a thought.
A very nice signature piece. Gives a sense of warm imagination. Nothing bright and flashy. It sets a friendly mood and looks like it would be a great signature for items of fantasy or for children's stories. It has a more innocent appeal, that would seem to come across well in those genres.
My rating is purely on the fact that I fell in love with the storry. However, being a boy blamed for several things growing up, I feel so sorry for Daniel. We are getting this from the view of a girl caught and trying to pass blame. You may have ruined his life. I need to find this boy and get his side. LOL. (I believe you.) This was a great story and you handled it really well. Made me laugh and that is not a common thing when I am reading. I have been in Daniel's shoes so I know what it is all about. You brought a great feel to this in first person. I am still smiling.
This was a great folder of short stories. It demonstrates your ability to write in various styles. I enjoyed the shorts, for the most part, and liked the fact that you set them all together in a folder that will let a visitor investigate and decide what they want to try quickly. I think that a folder containing several items deserves to be rated and review as it is truly a part of you as an author.
You handled this story very well. However, it lacks a physical image of both Daniel Sharpe and General Jeremiah O'Connor. I would like to have a defined picture of the men. Seems a little hard to connect to Daniel when I have no physical idea of him. You developed him mentally and you did an increadible job with the physical and mental presentation of Lilianna. I can see and her her clearly. I know that all the details at the start were neccessary, but it seemed to drag somewhat. These are only my opinion and I am not certain if the lack of detail in either of the men was intentional or not.
You develop the story nicely. It has the feel of the setting, though perhaps it needs to be a little more rugged, and I think you handled the physical act between Lilianna and Daniel well. I like that it was more about unleashed passion that the simple love cliche. The story was a good read and I think that it could turn into something great with a few minor adjustments.
A great collection of works from other authors. You did a good job with the promotion of other works and with the picks of things you favored. This is something that serves as a doorway into the WDC world and I applaud you for it. I just read a few of the pieces, but will keep this so that I can check back and read more. This is absolutely splendid. You have inspired me to do the same. This is truly a wonderful thing.
You have a great feeling in this poem. The poem comes across happy and then is suddenly offset by the line "As I recall my mother's dying face...". It does not come across dark. It opens other thoughts and pulled me into what the poem was saying. The entire thing is soft and holds the sense of loss and the sense of just knowing very well. I do hope that was your intent. It is, after all, what I felt as I finished reading.
The author's note was appreciated. Gave me an idea of what I was reading about before I actually stepped into the poem. Simple words and strong lines mark this piece very well. It has a smooth cadence that allows the reader to read through it without being kicked out of thought. Your images were renarkable and you leave the reader with a sense of this place, beyond just a picture.
You seemed to handle the Senryu structure well. You did a very good job with this poem. The thoughts and images woven through your work is great. Lacking any poetic strength, I marvel at the ability of others within this realm. It was a pleasure to read this poem and take a stab at the experience. Thanks.
I am astonished by the appeal that your work has to me. I fully understand that it cannot always be bubbly praise, but I have not been disappointed by you to this point. You handled the story from the prompt very well. This is a lovely story and you demonstrate the sense of it very well
This was a short story that was handled very well by you. I like your formal writing style. I have noticed it in other things, but it is brought out clearly in a story, more so than in the poetry I have read within your portfolio. The story's development was nicely done, images of the trip and of the young man fill my thoughts. I was expecting something a little different when I reached the climax, surprised that you went another direction, and I was very happy with the quick, direct conclusion. Thank you for allowing me in to take a look.
This was a well directed folder. I enjoyed reading through the camp fires and getting a look at the various writings of authors I was not familiar with. This seems like a nice way to give those writers a good bit of promotion. Thanks for the collection. I received a great deal of thought reading each of this. This was a job well done. I appreciate the opportunity this folder has given me to expand my look at others.
I prefered this campfire over the ones of just poetry. I liked the fact that it had a different feel to it. The haiku at the beginning was very well daone. I have seen the princess around, but have never taken the time to look through her portfolio. I saw her work in the other camp fires and am going to give her port a look and see what I can gather there. You did a great job with this one.
This campfire did not come across as strong as the first two, but it did give me a few new authors that I am planning on taking a look at. I see in this one you used both of your accounts. I was hoping to see a little difference in their writing styles, but they seemed very familiar. Not a complaint at all. I was just hoping to see more of a change in the style. This was another great campfire and it allowed me to view some aspects of WDC that I had no idea of. Thanks for allowing the read.
I went into campfire 2 expecting to see the same contributers that I saw in campfire 1, but that was not the case. I was glad to get a look at the contributing writing of authors I was unfamiliar with. Lexi Still No Lasagna was one of the writers in this campfire that grabbed my attention. From what I saw in here, I have been given a doorway to take a look at these authors.
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