A funny thing for an addiction poem. I will not spout any line strength, rhythm, rhyme, chose of words, or any of the such. I am reviewing this on its appeal. To be honest, I was not expecting a whole lote of appeal, but you had me smiling. This was a very cute addiction. Nicely done.
I like the feel behind this poem. I enjoyed how the second line of each verse became the first line of the next verse. It comes across very well and did not sound as if you were simply repeating yourself. It carried its point into the next verse and held its ground strong. The poem has a sense of understanding to it and it drew me into the last verse. In the final verse, I thought it was great that you wove it from lines mixed through the poem. I can imagine the thought and magic it must have taken to have accomplished such a well structured poem.
This is a great thing to help out with getting reviews. I appreciated this file and the one with the signatures. You have done a good job with these of selling services that are needed by almost everyone in the WDC world. I think you have a good idea here and will refer people to it.
This was a funny poem here. You used easy words, lines that directed the readers attention promptly, nice description, arhythm that hel all the was through, and a good cadence. That is all the poetic particulars I have. I like how you described your action through the piece, a bit unconcerned. You paid for it though. For anyone that has been attacked by a goose or a duck, you did a fine job of its reporting. I hope you do not mind the fact that I laughed at the abuse.
You have handled a tough piece of information very well. The idea of what you have set free is well received and I can see the personal feeling you put into it.
Suggestions/corrections
'I could not see the faces of these monks(. Their) brown hoods shadowed any features.' I think you should remove the period and the word their. Make it 'monks as brown hoods shadwed and features.' Just a thought.
There seems to be a lot of short sentences that you may want to turn into a few compound ones to adjust the flow a little.
Please do not misunderstand, but I think you may want to move away from the abrupt sentences describing the events. Useful, true, in poetic structures, but I think longer sentences weaving you story tighter will pull the reader in a bit more. It is good, it is heartfelf, I clearly understand it, and I only suggest that you make it flow easier. You seem to have used the same line structure as poetry. Yes, it makes your points much direct, but it beacomes hard at times to fully connect. This is not a complaint, only my thoughts of how to make a well handled piece come through with more powerful appeal.
This is a very interesting look at your cat. Not being a cat person I enjoyed the reading. I have seen quite a bit of what you describe in the behavior of my wife's cats. You described this one very well. I could see her. The imagery is good. I like the typical cat traits that you develop through your tale. It has a strong sense of the truth in it.
The only suggestion I can make is that you extend this just a bit. Maybe make it into more of a short story centered around all of these antics in great detail; the sense and emotion all drawn out into words. Granted, it will add quite a bit of length, but I do see some strong potential.
This is a great collection of your signatures. I do not review signatures any longer unless the owner states that they drew it. I did contact two of the members you creditted signatures to and let thm know how marvelous they were. You should be proud of these, as I assume you are. This is one of the better collections I have come across so far. I love the Scorpio Sig and the sig from Black Willow. I hope they are prized to you as well. Thank you for letting us look.
I can feel the love and loss that you wove in through this poem. It aches from a mother and you did a very good job of showing that. Such a strong sense of the truth.
You kept the words simple, nothing elaborate to take away from what the poem is seaying, and your lines were strong. The rhythm holds well, the lines convey what you are still feeling, and your poem does allow the reader to feel compassion in the sense of truth you have set into this.
This is a beautiful tribute. I know that is not much comfort, but I feel that I needed to say so. Very well done, for all that can mean from someone that is not you. Thanks for allowing me to read through this.
Suggestions/corrections
'Spell memories of you(,) Chris.' I know that poetry works different from stories, but I think the comma does need to be here. The slight pause seems hinted at in the reading anyway as his name is the draw so it works.
If the quote is intended as a reflection of the poem, I would suggest you seperate it with a few more spaces. Let the last line of the poem have a second to set in the reader's head before the words of someone that it not you are brought in.
This was indeed a very touching piece. I think you did a very good job in your explainaion of your views toward your grandmother and in the way you described her sense of being. While it does not fall short in showing the reader her essence, I think you came up a little short in the full experience.
I would suggest that you let the love and emotion flow in your words. I want to actually feel what you thought and are expressing. You are on the borders of something that can be absolutely spectacular. This is beautiful as it is, but you have something so monumental. It may be that you do not want to give away thoughts that are just to personaal, but let it go and show the power. You are there and I would absolutely love to take a look at it if you let all that magic go.
Very nice job with your doccument. I have only been attracted to tarot for the looks of certain decks, art and such, and have had very little knowledge of their actual uses or intentions. You did a very good job in explaining several important aspects of the tarot.
I appreciate the history, the importance of cards, and the structure in the cards themselves. The only thing I would have liked to have seen is an example of how cards are used. I understand that it would have taken much more space and without seeing it done visual I still would have been uncertain, so that is not a large concern.
I like the form of this piece, enjoyed the teeling of both the minor and major arcane, I found the explainations very well conceived, and appreciated the fact that you did not take full credit and used the bibliography to give credit to those you drew from. Good job.
Is this the start of a novel or much longer story? I guess I mean, is this to be a prologue? I like the formal style you chose to write in and it actually gives the sense of a more proper period in time. You handled this very well.
I like your description of the gentlemen, but you still need to give them a physical appearence so I can connect as a reader. If you are continuing this as a novel I think it has some promise. You handle the formal words well and I will be looking forward to getting a look at some dialogue and setting.
Suggestions/corrections
'I pray you never have the misfortune (to meet;)' I think this would sound a little better with (of meeting).
'He is also (quite) intelligent, and is quite knowledgeable in literature' I think if you use very here instead of quite it will allow the sentence to come across better. At the moment it has quite in it and, though not improper, sounds repetitive.
'He is immature to the highest degree(.) (He is) vulgar, and thinks that everyone wishes to hear (his) crude jokes at the breakfast table.' I would make the period a comma, remove he and is, and remove his. This will make it a single sentence that covers all the points and removes the extra pronouns.
I do believe that you need to combine some of the sentences in order to remove the word he. It felt way overused and I think, though giving it a purely formal outline feel, that you will get more appeal without it being used as much.
These are only suggestions and I do hope I was able to offer you something you can use.
This folder had three, very nice pieces in it. I especially liked "The Red Fox". The description in in and its feel were handled great. The poetry in this folder demonstrates your ability well. I like the length of lines in "Searching For Poetry of my Heart" as it was not the everyday, rhyme this, follow that rhythm work. Thank you for the poetic display within this.
I like th thought of this poem. I see the sense that you bring across in this. You have shown a great feel for this. The use of simple words, strong lines, and a good rhythm made this a very easy and pleasant read. The rhythm held through most of the poem, but seemed to lose a bit in verse seven. It comes across a bit odd.
Suggestions/corrections
'And (he) helped to ease my gloom' I would remove this from the line. It still holds its meaning but sounds smoother.
'(A) sweet longing grew intense.' You might try The here.
Of the pieces I have read by you, this one appeals to me personally. I thing the verses come across rough, distracting and, although this is true, it still flows well through the read. I enjoyed your choice of words and the strong lines that develop your thought so well. Thanks for letting me have a look. If you do not mind, I would like to include this poem in my file "My collection of other authors on WDC". To be honest, I believe it to be the staggering lines that hold such appeal to me.
This is a very personal folder. You put quite a bit of yourself into this and I enjoy what I saw for the most part. The open door that you have given WDC is impressive. I may believe this due to the fact that I am uncomfortable just letting it all go. I am learning and something like this may aid in me releasing some of my own discomfort.
I am amazing that you have the strength in yourself to put these things out there. It takes something to just let go and release all the personal information. I guess that is part of it though; the ability to be free without regret. Very well done. Though all the personal stuff was not always comfortable for me to read, I appreciate the fact that you let us know about you in such a manner.
To grasp the feel of this, I reread it. I like the words you are saying and admire the emotion and thought that you poured into this piece. Hopefully I have interpreted this correctly. I get a sense of passing. I see the beauty put away, but seeming to fade. I get the feel that the beauty is overlooked actually. Put away, dried and crumbling, but seen in memory when you take the time to recall it. The poem comes across strong and I hope that my interpretation is the essence of what you are trying to show. Nice job here.
There is a nice sense to this. I can feel the thoughts of an author as he creates his own magic. The poem is simple, direct on point with the use of lines that draw the reader into your plight. The description is lovely, leaving me with the feeling you wish to convey. I can see the hopes and doubts as you begin to form the piece. You communicate the experience very well. Your rhythm holds true and the read has such an honest, easy feel to it that makes it an enjoyable read.
I absolutely loved this folder. This is a must for anyone looking to read some shorts by another author. This is a nice collection of your work. It is a good look at another aspiring writer and I was personally please to get the opportunity to take a look through your things. A very good variety.
This has some very interesting aspect to it. I like the take on how the teaching systems seems to be taking a back seet to the easy way, texting and such. I was raised on literature and so were my children. I wish scholl was more important. I loeve the fact of the little girl. Santa is not real, but I bet the easter bunny will give her the answer. This segment was worth the smile. Tell them the truth when they ask. Sea monkeys are a selling name, they are in fact, brian shrimp. My mom telling me that the moon was made of cheese as a child has crippled me. LOL. Nicely done.
I was going to just ignore this fully, but after reading the openning I was glad that I did not. (e:smile}
I tell you what, this is a rant and I like it a bit more than I did your other one. This is a bit more direct, but I still think you should never show any weakness. I know, that from someone not involved is not strong, but I said it.
This was a nice way to release, though not remove, some of the hostility held up in there. Good job.
Suggestions/corrections
'I (shoul) be able to do or say anything I want to and not have anyone tell me otherwise.' This is should.
I had to look up macadam, but now I have learned something new today.
You have once again painted a well made image through your words and lines. Reading through this, I get the sense of the winter, how it reacts in the area around you, and the struggle it causes. I love the trees as soldiers. This was well done.
The end works too. You present the whole setting as a cold, white environment and then say that you dug you way out of paradise. The way the poem comes across, this represents your feeling well. The conflict of the icy solitude with it being paradise is beautiful. All in the view of the author. Great job.
My only thought is the use of the word macadam. It works well in the verses, but I just do not care for it twice. It does not take anything away from the poem, just feels like a repeat is all. I am not certain what change could be made, but that would be all you. It is only my thought.
This folder is a nice collection of two very different styles of poetry. It is a show of your ability within the poetry experience and I like the fact that you chose these to stand together. As a reader, I was glad to take a look and admire your ability. I reviewed each one and I would only suggest that you continue the diversity and place a few more styles into this folder. Give everyone a better look.
This was nicely handled for such a short piece. I get the sensual feel. You wove it in through such a common thing and gave it a great sense. 'grieving and sighing', this line is beautifully written. I can see the feel of the gutter, hear it, and feel the sense of the water washing over in a gathering force. The description of the mud was also well handled. It suggests resistance then fully being overcome by the water. The last line skips me out of the poem a bit. To me, and this is a personal view, I just do not feel this line here. I think I see what you are saying, but it does not come across smooth. You may take a look at it, I would think your thought on the matter hold far more sway than do mine. I just want you to know that it did not feel quite right. Thanks for letting me read it through.
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