1) Very well done. 5-7-5 haiku structure and your words paint the sense of this perfectly. I see what you were writing as a clear image in my mind. The Black crows change the image from the colors of fall to the darkness of shadow.
2) Works well to bring a sense of the flowing river stiffled by cans. A hinderence to the fish.
3) Of all from the first part, I like the verse in this section. Deer versus death. This thought is positioned against itself and it feels right.
4) I supose this is a cutting verse. It has a powerful appearence. Light fading away into the darkness. A great change.
5) I like the words, but do not seem to gather the right thought. Not sure why the bitterness. I just do not understand or get the feel. Perhaps it may be me.
6) Though this is not four, they are both saying the same. The feel is deifferent. This verse is a softer transition that the one of four. This is very nice.
7) The third line in this verse seems to extend the syllables out to far. Take a look. I have reread it about four times and am getting the same result.
8) This one is perfect. In spirit, in structure, and in image. It is a well constructed verse.
Part 2
1-8) The images in each one of these verses are clear. The pictures overall register in my mind. You did a very good job at handling that aspect. The haiku structure is followed well and lines one and three in each verse relate differences in imagery. You did a very good job at the haiku here. I would only sugest a change in number five. The third line feels set apart too much. I apologize if it is only in my head, but it doesn't seem to fit exactly right.
I really like this concept. The title was perfect. I would suggest that you break this up a bit, and add more to emotional aspects of all three girls. This only needs some more depth and a smoother feel to be something very good. This has some very interesting thoughts behind it and I am glad that I was able to take the time to get a look.
May I ask if this was a poem before you put it in this form. The sentence structure sounds much like it was intended as poetry. This is absolutely great. I smiled as I read through it. It works well here, but I think it was be a wonderful poem. It already sound as such as I was reading it. Either way, you demonstrate a very funny thing.
Great folder setup here. I like the fact that you included some personal photos, something I am still not comfortable doing, and let everyone take a look at two of your signatures. You put yourself out there for someone looking at your portfolio and I was pleased to check it out. Two thumbs up.
Your view of the subject is beautiful brought into being. You demonstrate affection, though no outward procclamaition, behind the admirable words that strengthen your lines. I can feel this. I can see it clearly and shudder at the pain. The words were simple, the lines strong and holding on point, and the flow traveled very well through the whole piece. This was a powerful way to handle such a thing.
The description in the first verse belies the strength of the man you describe later. He is seen weak as your poem begins and majesty seems to develop as you bring out the depth of the event. Perhaps I am over analyzing, but this is a great poem and I feel sorry.
You handled it well. The weakness, the power, and the emotion that weave their way with your strong points. Very well done here. It leaves me feeling a bit melancholy.
Not to lessen anything I have witness in your portfolio, but this folder is the single thing that I absolutely like most. The idea behind this is increadible. This is the first time I have come across such a broadreaching community collection. You have far outdone yourself here. I rated everything, some I had seen in their own ports, but I gave a few reviews.
I applaud you and bow down before the majesty of it. Great job. The GP donation is for you to spread around. Excellent.
A nice folder to seperat your things. I have already seen much of this at other points in your portfolio, so it comes across as a bit extra. It works well and sets these things apart, but as I said, they are in other places within your port. I do feel that this may be the stronger place to put such things as it is on the face of your portfolio.
I like the fact that this folder has three seperate venues. I enjoyed examining your photography and appreciate the touch with a camera you seem to have. The art exhibition was a nice look at something I was unfamiliar with. The description of the event is withing the folder's introduction, outside the pictures themselves. I know that I asked for some sort of description and I simply failed to read the folder's introduction. You did a great job with the information provided there. Finally the signatures. I loved the look through this folder. It actually took me three days to get it out of my sstem, but I have an idea now of what I am looking for in some sort of personal signature. I would be unaware without the complete break down of this folder. I rated and reviewed and looked at everything, though not all could be rated, and you did me a favor. I did what I wanted in the reviews, but you honestly inspired me to start the dig to locate a personal signature that will truly identify me.
The vast content of this folder belies what it looked like from the outside, before I actually entered. A very daunting task rating and reviewing all the items in here, but I truly enjoyed taking a look at all your things. My reviews and ratings were honest and I do hope that the width of my adventure here was not imposing to you in any way. I enjoyed the time and the work was not overly taxing. I would invite everyone in to take a look at the variety of signatures you have hidden away in this folder. Excellent job Gabriella and it was truly my pleasure.
Great collection of antibarbie's gifts to you. I have reviewed something of hers. She is the pirate correct. These are some nice signatures, but I will be honest withh you, how can you find the time to use all of them. I have seen so many that are great and I would be hard pressed to get them all in use. It was a nice look though this folder.
This was a great folder that included so many great photos. You seem to have such an ease with the camera. The picture all hold meaning; I am sure to you and to the interpretation of us looking at your pictures. This is a very nice thing you have put together and I love the choices that you shared.
This is a very nice collection of photos here. I am shying away from a perfect rating only because I have no idea what the exhibit actually is and would have loved to have been able to get the information out of this folder. It is great and I hope that you will add some sort of description, maybe even a personal thought or two. Very well done and I am glad to have looked thrugh your beautiful photos.
I love the formal feel that your poem has to it; something of a throwback to an older form of poetry. The inclusion of the older character's quotes was a nice thing to work into this. Granted, I had to look up Yeshua to find out it was the original Hebrew name for Jesus. This works really well and demonstrates intelligence and thought. This piece has some power to it and it was a pleasure to take a look at.
This was a great folder with three distinct bits of prose. Of the three, I prefered "Bits of Irony: Combining Prose & Poetry" the most. It held strong, as they each do, and had a very strong appeal. I enjoyed looking through your poetry of prose and would like to see a few more pieces like these included as you write them.
First of all, I had to look up the definition for vignettes so I would be certain. So I have learned something. Havisham? Is this from "Great Expectations" by Dickens? I do not see any reference, but your funeral setting reminds one of that setting. These were very nicely done. I like the description you have used in all three. You weave an image of the setting that comes acros in beautiful terms. I am rating this so high due to its appeal to me. Three seperate things, all very well developed. Very well done.
This folder is a collection of signatures, information, and insights into your group. It is really nice to take a look at all the information you have gathered and have put on display for us that are less knowing to view. I appreciated most of what I have been able to gather from this folder and will take the information and put use to it. Thanks.
This is an absolutely great collection of your signatures. This is a nice way to let a passer by view all of your signatures in one compact folder. It was easy to get to each one and review and rate them. Folders are an important neccessity in WDC and I enjoyed looking through yours.
Great folder here. I am doing what I can to learn about the WDC community and I find something like this beneficial to me and to others that are new to the site. I have come across several authors since I have been on and have been excited when I find things that help the experience. This stands out and I have looked all through it and am happy to have received some thoughts and a better vision. Very well done.
I like this one very much. I think you could extend it a bit and maybe add some more depth, but it stands firm as it is. I have placed this in my file "My collection of other authors on WDC." and hope that you do not mind. Simple words, strong lines and a nice rhythm made me get such a feel for this poem. I am sure that you may do some more work to it, but make sure it holds the sense it already holds. Great job.
A poem of very direct, quick lines. It sets your thoughts fast and does not bog down in overly extended lines with hype just to make the reader feel that the author made a real attempt. A little more abrupt than I am used to seeing, but you get your points into it very well. The poem is smooth and easy to read with description that lends the reader the images you promote. Nicely handled.
Nicely worded poem. I thought that you used simple words and well constructed lines to bring an image to mind that is brilliant. The poem has an easy flow, allowing a good read. There was a good rhythm and nothing to kick me out of the read. Very well done.
I like the line "All creation still harmonized as one." from the original. Using the word proud in the rewrite hints at sin as pride is considered such. To be honest with you, I like the original a little better. I like its feel. I would suggest that you lean back toward the original and give this poem a free verse structure. You could change a few things and make this hold much more power. I see the subtle changes but the change in the 3th & 5th lines especially take a bit away from the original conception.
I see the point you are making and the thoughts you are expressing. All the words are there, but may I suggest that you make this a bit deeper and pull forth the emotion and power behind it. The rhyme is never a neccessity and in something like this, free vers is the way to go. No sense in pushing it for a rhyme. You did a good job, but again, give us, the readers, something deeper to connect with. It is all there and I see quite a bit of potential. Keep up the good work.
This is a very warm poem. My rating and review are based upon its appeal to me. I am not going to mess around with wording, punctuation, structure, and such. I like the strength of each verse. The three lines in regard to the other person and the final line with just "My blessing". This was a great device and makes the poem that much stronger.
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