Well, to be honest with you, that was not at all what I saw coming. I liked how you were developing the story and I was waiting to see what the climax and conclusion were going to be. I was taken by surprise and it did take me a minute to get used to what I had read. After I adjusted my thoughts to the piece, I liked how it was. The conclusion is great. Most everyone wants the bad t get what's coming to them. I did not see it in the girl's development though. The shock of your ending made this well worth the read.
You touch upon quite a few things that I think you should develop a little more. The sense of your feelings is very clear, but there is the potential here to make this a memorable piece. It has all the things readers will enjoy; the feelings of becoming a mother, the experience of the birth, and all the love that is found within this.
Honestly, it is all here and I think you can make this a very powerful work. Show us the strength of the love and give us the depth of what you felt. It is bordering these things now and I would love to see it become exceptional.
This was a good piece written about the losses in our society. Your lines make some very good points on those things. I get the sense of your thoughts, you delivered them nicely. The feeling is wonderful. It made me look back to such a time and remember such things. I appreciate the memories and, I too mourn the loss of such things.
This is a very nice story. I would like to see it lengthened, extend it and bring the magic you already have fully into the story. You touch on the feeling here very well and it is something I think deserves a little more. There is quite a bit of potential.
The thoughts and feeling were delivered well, but you did not develop the physical looks of the characters. I love what you expressed and wanted to make a connection. Give them all some existence, make me see them.
This story has so much potential that it would be a shame for you not to reach in and let it all out. This is truly beautiful. You give a lot of truthful sense to your story.
I like how the talent scout lacked talent to do the job. Nice look at her basically overlooking all the things being done by the creatures in the woods. You developed her along pretty well, but I would have liked to have seen a little bit more in regards to her whole mindset. Something to give it more on an umph that she couldn't see things right in front of her.
The end wrapped up rather quickly. I would have liked to see a deeper feeling in the end. I get it, but thing it needs a little more.
The story is a great idea. My only suggestion is to expand the end a little. Wrap it up in a big way. It was a very pleasant read and my rating is on that fact and the appeal of the idea. I still would like some more filling in the story and a stronger end. I like the happy end, but give it more.
The images your lines produce are handled very well. I like the feel this poem gives me. I can clearly see what you heaven is. You draw out the thoughts and give the poem written warmth with your use of the sun.
Simple words and lines get right to the point. The poem has a reserved feel to it, something beyond what is being read. Nicely done.
An exceptional visual image. Good use of the cherry blossums. They hold tw meanings it seems. The falling of the Samurai as you say and also a symbol in the asian culture of the samurai.
I like the use of a polished sword and a polished death. Nice way to represent the samurai's Hara Kiri since it is considered an honorable death.
Good haiku structure. The images are fantastic. I like the line "Vase of endless starry lights". I see a crystal vase with light dancing off it. With all the beauty you show, the final line seems to hint at an ending. A sort of death. This was a very well handled haiku.
The poem has a very strong sense to it. Each lines can stand alone to define the confict. The first line "Seperated, alienated inside..." starts your poem with a very powerful thought. This line, in my opinion, is a defining piece of the poem. This puts what is happening to the individual in full view.
You deliver the emotional feel of the subject very well and leave what is occuring beyong the abuse, clearly defined. You did a good job with this.
This was a good collection of your shorts. I found it to be a good read and liked looking in on various stories. Though I enjoyed what I read here, I would have to suggest that anyone reading this review pops in to your portfolio and read "Of Roses and Daffodils" a personal favorite of this reviewer. They all deserve a read, but that one is especially brilliant. Good folder to display your shorts.
Sweet short story here. It holds a lot of conclusion within it. Nothing dramatic or all that much anguish. It comes across very smooth and easy, but leaves the reader with loss; pleasant loss. I enjoyed the ending. You made it very sweet and very real. This is a favorite of all the things I have read of yours.
You have put such a sense to it and so much truthful feel that it sinks in fully. Everything worked well; his last words and then the butterfly and the daffodil. The meaning of this, or at least my interpretaion in my reading, goes far beyond just the words. This is a truly beautiful short.
I hope you do not mind, but I am including a link to this in my own file "My collection of authors on WDC Shorts". Thank you for letting me read through.
To be honest, I got the sense of spinning around in my reading of this story. It drew me downward in an endless turn. If that was the purpose, I applaud the effort. If it was the fact that my bloodsugar was reading 38 when I tested it, then it was great I was in that state when I read this.
I get it and I clearly see the images. You developed the lines with strength that pushes the reader through to where you want this to be going. A difficult task handled very nicely by you.
The poem changes rhythm a bit in select places, but it holds the feel that you have given it all the way through to the end. Good job with this. It was a pleasure to read.
The poem has a nice flow, easy to follow with crisp images and the use of simple words. Your lines guide this along and give the reader the sense of the experience. You handled the construction of this poem very well. Good rhythm and lines that led me along to a nice finish.
This was a brilliant touch on something that often happens. Not getting on a bus to Purgatory, but getting on a wrong bus, train, or subway. Very nicely done with this short. I like how you handled it as an everyday thing. This was a bit humorous, in a bad things to other people way. Good job.
This piece was a great display of the use of dialogue. You did very well with this. You had development between the two characters and a good ending resolution. I was pleasantly surprised, enjoying the read very much.
I would suggest that you increase the length of this dialogue and maybe bring new year into a brighter light. Make him feel responsible or accept the blame for his year. Other than that, I have no suggestions that might make this better.
Good expression of inner thought and feeling. Your verses demonstrate the sense of fading away, nearing the bottom and gives the reader your travel back into the light. I assume light here is finding yourself, coming to a place where you fight to be. This poem has a very good sense to it and is an inspiration. You did a good job showing us this and your poetic form works rather well. Good job.
Great haiku, for me any way. I just came off a rough story and was delighted to find something so light and nice. You did a good job of providing your image in this and followed all the correct structures of the haiku make up.
I can see the squirrel and his movements and it is a nice, easy sense of what is happening. Very nicely done.
This has such a nice feel to it. It holds so much feeling and I cannot image this. The lines you have written here show so much more than just something you felt for her, it spans the feeling and experience of many brothers and sisters alike. I am not commenting on structure or any of the such. I am telling you that I found this warm and gentle. It expressed so much with so little being said. Beautifully done. (Just between you and me, I am not overly emotional, but I had tears when I finished. It truly touched me.)
I agree with you. No sense in changing anything that means so much to you as it stands. It is very short, but oddly has such a strong feel to it. Granted, I read it over a few times and gave it considerable thought before it had such a strong sense in my mind. I get a deep feel here in the reading and think you handled something so very well with such a simple, yet very direct, poem. Well done.
Funny. You put some very true thoughts on display in this poem. Easy words, developed lines, good rhyming structure, and a smooth rhythm that carries through to the very end. You hit several points right on the money and you delivered them very well. I love the fact that people are not responsible for their actions.
You did very well with this poem and I was glad that I took the time t stop in and give it a good read.
I am rating and reviewing this purely on its appeal to me. Great job. When I started reading I was unaware where it was headed. When it ended, I found it to be a great piece that deserved my attention. I do not care about structure, rhyme, or even rhythm here. I laughed and I am giving it a smile. This poem appealled to me and that is that.
I think you come across with a good thought here. I like the fact that you show the socks, not just possibly lost, but alone and missing their better half. It has a good feel to it. This is a subject, usually reserved for comedy, but you did a good job with your use of it in poetry.
Interesting. I have enjoyed the look through your haikus and find something new with each one. The image I get here leaves me with a smile. Sorry if your intent is straight seriousness, but I am getting the picture of a frog standing up in battle with the cat. My own pictures from your words and that is what it is all about.
The last two lines are strong and definitely show power in his remaking. Honor is what I feel. A humorous picture from my own interpretation, followed by an honorable image. Nicely done yet again.
It is good to see, from the readings I have made of your haikus, that you handle this form so well. You do a good job with your images and with this poetic structure.
I like how this one feels. I see what it is about, but it resonates something much deeper. Death lingers around this and makes my thoughts struggle to focus my grip on the subject. If this was your intention, I have to applaud you. I see the natural death, but feel a more permanent death in my interpretation.
Verse one is great. The line "Steel blue Winter dawn" comes through so very clearly. It gave me a sense of cold, the use of blue was a good device in doing this. Line three is something I am not fully sure of. I am not sure why the smoke does not rise. My own thoughts of winter is of smoke rising; from water that has a warmer temperature and from people exhaling.
Good job with the use of the crocus, though I looked it up to make certain of the flower, and the robin. You showed me the feel of the change in time. Very well done.
Verse three was my favorite. I can see the images here and it comes across beautifully. This verse was absolutely great.
The final line is very sound. "We live forever" comes across brilliantly. It gives the reader the sense of a neverending cycle and an eternity in which it does so.
You once again held tightly to the haiku structure and have brought us clear, strong images that is the whole purpose of such a poetic form. Nice.
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