This folder has a nice collection of flash fiction. I would have been happier to read more than the six, but as someone writes they write and I conpletely get it. No disappointment at all, just a little desire to see more. The collection is very good and I think people would find some very well written, quick to read pieces that would make their day. You did a great job and use this folder as a proper display case for your flash fiction work. I enjoyed my time in here. AA++
This was very interesting. I liked it on my first read through, but went back through it to make sure I was getting it all. On the second read through, a slower more attention paid read through, I believe I fully absorbed what was being stated in this piece. It provokes some thought, makes a reader wonder a bit.
Of the whole poem, I enjoyed the third stanza the best. That is the one that came through to me the best. It is twisting and left me a little rattled. And I think straight generally.
You did a very good job with this and I am rating on appeal and leaving all the typical flowing lines, and rhythm, and such for the birds. This was worth the read and I thank you for allowing me to take a look. Well done.
When I opened this to read it, I was not certain what to expect. It actually exceeded my intitial expectations. This is funny and I really did enjoy the way you presented it with a truthful, no nonsense feel to it. I honestly laughed. You did a nice job presenting all of us here with an odd piece of work. It is quick and easy to read. I hope many others at WDC stop in and give this a read. I think the smile after reading will certainly be worth the time.
This poem makes a profound personal statement in my opinion. If I take it correctly this is the poets vision of what is going on in life. It defines the struggle on many levels and provides a drive for life. I like the fact that no matter which path is chosen conflict will inevitably arise. It is something that cannot be escaped in one form or another.
The words were plain, nothing to weigh down the lines in the poem. It reads very well and is easily understood. A decent flow and strong lines allow the reader to get the sense of what you are presenting here. Well done.
This was a good use inner conflict. The poem shows the reader how and why he is trapped. The pull of this piece is in the conflict and the rattling of the poet it proceeds to bring about. Fear, uncertainty, and confusion hold the protagonist down trapping him The feeling comes through nicely.
Suggestions/Corrections
1) "Why does mine have to (be)" I think that the word be may need to be here. The line throws me off on each reading through the poem. It is just a reader's opinion, but please take a look.
This was a very appealing poem. It made me sit back and think after I was done with it. When I started reading it, I thought it was going to be about some religious svior or such. By the end, I knew it was a poem of love. These are some extremely strong thoughts you put into place through these lines. It is not dramatic or high strung, instead, it brought the essence of what she was to you. That is powerful.
The words were easy and the lines were strong and read very well. The flow held up nicely and the thought and feel behimd this piece come through in its reading. I enjoyed this. I hope you do not mind, but I have included a link t this poem in my own filr "My collection of authors on WDC. Poetry"
The thoughts in this feel a little scattered at times. I was not sure if that is what you were doing to add feel to this poem, but it was a little rough. I see the point you are making, but do not compltely feel lost in the reading. There is quite a bit of potential and everything you need to make this brilliant, is already in this writing.
As with your other poems, you deliver well written lines that make your points very clear. You deliver the feeling behind the poem, but I was expecting to feel lost myself. Maybe I needed to feel lost. Nice poem and right on point. Thanks for letting me have a look.
Suggestions/Corrections
1) In the following two lines you have a contradiction. It should either be day or nights. As it is, days would suggest nights. Only my opinion and thought I should let you know.
"Through the hot, arid days"
"Deep into the cool, moist night"
I am not very strong in the poetry aspect of writing, but I do give reviews on things that do appeal to me. You managed to write a good piece here. I completely get it. I could feel the strength in every line; the loss, the need to see her, and the knowledge that her love remains.
The poem reads well. It has a nice flow and a decent rhythm. It breaks a bit in places, but nothing that takes away from your message in any way at all. This is touching and I enjoyed the read.
This poem made me wince just a little. It is graphic suicide and I handled my own personal suicide writing very politely. You made your point very well. You show us the despair, but I was not able to fully feel it. I think this would be a little stronger if you give the reader a more personal attachment. You have the makings of something that can be powerful. You seem to have everything here and will let this shine if you let the reader become emotionally locked with the poet before the suicide breaks in. I wanted to feel sad for him before it shows that he has chose to die.
This poem reads pretty well. The line structure makes it stumble just a bit, but it makes the whole idea of the low feeling and depression take hold. The poem stands up well and shows the reader the emotion behind what is going on. You used a good setup in the manner in which you wrote this and I think you did a nice job in the selection of your words and strength of each line. It was a pleasure to have taken a look at this.
Man this was a rough one. I am rating this purely on it appeal to me. I am happy with how the emotion came through in this poem and could feel what was behind it. The power in that alone is deserving of the rating. I do not want to judge this at all according to structure, rhyme, rythm, or line quality. I just want to sit back, think on the words, and feel a little sad.
As a father, I thought you did a wonderful job at putting these things into words. It is a good feeling piece and I am so glad that I was able to take a look.
The poem structure is handles nicely and its flow and rhyme are very well done. It has an easy, simple rhythm to it and you delivered the subject matter great through very powerful lines.
I am including a link to your poem in my own file "My collection of authors on WDC. Poetry" It will make a nice addition and makes me warm as a father. I am pleased to have spent the time reading through your poem. Good job.
I liked the poem, but felt it needs some work. You have some clear structure her and I can see the potention of this. The lines are easy to follow, nothing outrageous or over the top. It makes your point clearly, something so few people forget to do when they are writing. I like the whole thought about finality, dealing with what is around and the finality of it all. Good job and keep up the writing.
Suggestions/Corrections
1) I think you should make some of this have a bit darker tone and work on the flow of the lines. The lines are well written and strong, but muddle the overall flow just a bit.
This has some interesting thoughts to it. I think there is some potential her, but you will need to give it some more work and I think lengthen it. It has a sort of dream feel to it. Scattered about thoughts that swim in and around each other. I like that feeling and would be interested to see an expanded piece. You do have some work to do with your grammer and sentence structure. Give it a little more and let it shine. Good idea for a piece about an experience.
Suggestions/Corrections
1) "Everything was perfect(;) the weather, water, (and the) women(.)" I think these corrections are needed her. You may want to check and see.
2) "I was sitting on the levy(,) watching the water(,) when all of a(the) sudden a man tapped my shoulder. You need the commas and the 'a' should be the.
Good information here, but you need to bring some more life into this article. I enjoyed reading the information. However, it felt impersonal. I would have liked to have been drawn in a little more and maybe have had some information that made me connect to the holiday. Good work and I would like to take another look if you do make some changes. I wish you all the luck in the world.
I happened upon this and decided to take a look. I, interested always in the history of things, was glad to read your article. The piece works well. I gained knowledge that I had not known and I was interested in what you were telling in this. It may have just a bit more feel to it if you let it read with a little more personality. It is very well written, but lacked anything that shook me or grabbed hard to my attention. I realize it is an article. It is nice, but I would have liked more feeling with the information. Good luck.
You have weaved some very strong emotions in this work. The lines are not complicated and deliver your message very clearly. Each line holds up in the reading, delivering the loss and anguish behind the words so very well. The flow struggles a bit, but not enough to keep the poem from traveling to its conclusion.
Three lines stood out in my reading and they let me feel what you were saying. These lines delivered so much to me.
"The bruise of my heart."
"I must learn to celebrate your life,"
"Stopped drowning from the rain."
This story has a very nice feel to it. A decent story for the word number you had and I do think you put a bit too much weighted stuff in it. It works well and is something just about all of us can associate with. The conflict needed to be played out more, I want a sister and will she or won't she have one. It needed a bit more play. You have a sound idea here and think that you can weave this into something very powerful.
I would love to see you take this to the next step. Bring the antagonism with her brother out better and let the reader struggle with the thought of if Madeline's wish will come true or not. You are bordering on something that can be very good. I wish you so much luck and hope you considered working this into a longer story and exploring all the main aspects a little better. Good job.
Suggestions/Corrections
1) "You know you do(,) (H)honey." You need a comma here and need to capitalize honey. Even though it is a term of endearment, it is considered a name in instances such as this.
2) Her mother had a radiant look on her face as she said, “Madeline, you are going to get a baby sister.” I think that if you seperated this from the last paragraph and let it stand alone in the very end, it would have a much stronger impact. It is a nice ending, predictible a bit, but set alone as a one sentence paragraph. It would be perfect.
First off, I liked the whole light way you took your sonnet. You address a point of view in this piece that is definitely not typical; not of love or beauty as such, but about you writing a sonnet. Honestly, I loved this fact.
The second part is great. You touch on every writer's thoughts in this portion and show us why you got to this point. I smiled, completely understanding.
The rhyme scheme works well and the flow of the sonnet holds up nicely. There is only a spot or so, were the flow juggles a bit and I addressed my thoughts on this below. You followed the sonnet structure with unexpected strength. Reasonable, common conflict for your readers, seperate points of view in each poart, and a conclusion in the couplet. The conclusion is open ended, but gives the reader a perfect stopping point.
To be honest, I expected to see a typical sonnet of love, rememberance, desire, or unquenched emotions. This one, I did enjoy very much. It felt real and to the point. I have to say, you did a very nice job and I wish you luck on further attempts you may make.
This sonnet is well worth the read for other authors on WDC. Read it everyone, it has a different, more playful view of the sonnet than one typically expects.
Suggestions/corrections
'If I must write throughout the night' In this line, your flow seems to stagger just a bit. The problem can be addressed by changing throughout to through. It does not alter the meaning or feel, but does straighten the overall flow.
'Will it end as a nightmare or a dream?' This line good, but I was thinking that removing 'as' from it and adjusting commas or whatever to make it work, it would maybe suggest a double point to readers. 'Will it end a nightmare or a dream'. I think you would be able to address the comfort of writing the sonnet and the readers thought that it resolves your fear of it being a nightmare or your comfort of it being a dream. Thiss is just a though and it reads very well as it is.
The only true needed correction is in the final line. 'I hope to get reviews, though his(,) I fear.' I believe a comma is needed in this spot.
This was very well written. The lines flowed smooth and gives the reader a great sense of what you are bringing into being. The poem reads nicely, nothing in the verse that makes the reader stumble at all in the reading itself. You use good lines to bring bring the reader into this piece. I did have to read it through twice to make certain the feel was intended and both times I came out of it with a soft kind of uncertainty. The feel that there is so much more just beyond what is being said. You did a very good job with setting the sense of this work in the readers soul.
I loved the line "(unexpectedly) expected." These two words here have such strength in the way you set them in. This is a very reflective poem and I am glad that I took the time to read and think upon it. Absolutely wonderful.
I have read many of your things and find this poem to be a very sound read. The lines have such strength and direct meaning to them. I will have to admitt that I was angry with the man as I read through thios piece and felt what you were saying with every fiber of my being. The wording is simple and on point, not leaving anything to the whim of the reader. I am glad that you chose to express these thoughts in the way that you did. There was nothing far over the top to distract the reader and it was written in such a way that it held me wound tight all the way through. It is dark and leaves a hole in anyone reading it.
Very powerful. This is something I could feel, could see, and something that made me shudder. Very well done.
Another good folder for your things. The reason for the rating is due to the fact that it states these are unfinished things, but I read "Crossing the Line" and, besides the minor work it needs, it is complete.
The header image is great and I like the collections of things you included in this folder. I did not do any rating or reviewing of "Blind Start" as I am not always comfortable with giving reviews to unfinished work unless it is asked by the author for opinions. It looks like it has some potential though and would welcome an invite to read it completely and review once it is done.
This was a large folder with a vast collection of your images. The review image folder and the rainbow image are my favorites. I looked at every item within this folder, rated everyone that was available to be rated, and I reviewed those things in this folder that prompted me to do so. I was pleased to be able to get a look through your wide collection. The c-notes are all very memorable, the signatures are great, and the collection of other items in her allow each of us to get a sense of you.
OVERALL
I think you did an exceptional job at your structure of this folder. You sorted things out into sub groups and gave us a taste of some of the great work you have created, been given, and have collected. It was great to have gotten a look at your images. I am humbled. My own collection has maxed out at two for the time being and I love to see what other others on the site collect and promote.
Once again, you have produced another folder with a sweet collection of your images. It seems that you have set up your collections in a very nice arrangement. Many images, all sorted into appropriate groups. This is a good way to let others get a look at your c-note images. Thanks for letting me take a look.
CHARACTERS
Well done with the development of a few of your god characters here. Now’chi comes across very clearly, though what we see of him here does not show how he truly must be. Evidently he is biding his time. You allowed us to see a bit of his nature; coniving, jelous of another's position, and something that makes him come across arrogantly. Elohim is also highlighted. He seems to hold himself up high as do the others and he is calm, but has such a strong sense to him. Fendria is a classic. Wrapped up in herself and all. You touched on some other characters, the god of magic, and you started the story with a strong showing.
SETTING
Here you were brilliant. The story has such a feel to it and the reader is able to see clearly the room you have shown us. Great images. You did so well with the description. It has a Greek feel to it, the gaming room, but you set it was such great description of the furnishings. The tables, the tapestries, the stage, and the gold wall all give this a great image.
PLOT
What seems to be evolving looks as if it will be very interesting. You did not pull the reader fully into it until the end, but that hooks into what may follow. I am only able to guess what is coming. You set up the coming plot and twists here and I am interested to see where and how it all goes on.
HOOK
The quick hook, "The gaming room was filled to capacity." grabbed my attention. It made me want to see abot what was going on, and your details of all the events taking place pulled me in afterward. You ended it with the start of a new game, hooking the reader in for the upcoming events. Nicely handled.
OVERALL
This reads well. There is nothing way over the top to distract and it was written in easy to follow sentences. I like the more ancient feel you seem to have set in this and I do ave a desire to see this story develop. There were only minor problems, but nothing to turn aside the reading. Written very well.
Suggestions/corrections
"And presently(,) they all toiled alongside (with) the common people who served them in their own kingdoms." You need a comma here and I think the sentence works if you remove 'with' from it.
"None of the others really noticed his absence though(,) and no one would have cared if they did" I believe you need a comma here. These act as independant thoughts and, even with an and being used, they should have a comma.
"He never let anything slip by him; and there was only one (who) god who was absent." I am not certain if you meant this to be here.
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