Thank you for the look at Eastern State Penitentiary. I have seen this prison before in something...though I cannot remember what it was. You gave a good description, infromed us about its instruction and its makeup, and you gave its history. This was a presentation that was handled very well.
My only complaint was its full impact on society at the time. I am unaware of what was the majority outcome when prisoners were released; the success rate. I would have also liked to have seen some of the famous inmates, if there were any.
I like this sort of information. I knew a few of the things listed, but was glad to gain some of the other trivial knowledge that will lead me above all others of my ilk.
I bet, if you had the desire to do so, you could run a whole folder of bits like this. I find it interesting and I am sure, since you admit to liking this stuff, you could form a nice little following.
This was a nice piece to get a look at and learn a little bit about some things.
This was a nice sponsorship for gravegrounds. I like the thought. You support your reasons for americans not wanting such things around, but then we see this type of thing around the world. The laid back feel of death here is similiar to what I got watching the georaphic channel's show on all the families in south America living in mosoleums. They just do not fear it because they deal with it.
You made some strong points and paint a lovely picture of dancing with the dead. If you've got the beat, dance away. I thing this is a little odd, given my general upbringing, but see no problem with it at all.
I am rating this as a folder. It has a nice collection of your shorts. The reader of these things will be able to get a good look at your ability and what you lean to in your story selections. It was a good read of you, to be honest. There was some well handled darkness and divulgence into weaker side of sanity.
Overall: I was impressed with much of the work in this folder and I would suggest that anyone looking to take a good read, stop in and form an opinion.
Great start to this. You have shown the reader all the aspects and drawn a vivid picture with your words. I personally would be worried with that kind of prison beginning. It just feels eerie. I like the sense of the shoe think; working by himself, in his cell, and with a bench.
"Maybe you should spend more time taking care of the real problems in this world" I agree with this thought 100%, all but the being a thief part that follows. Where is this compassionate god. I am glad to see this said.
Great development of your character; the one month breakdown and begging god, the four month attempt at trying to hold on to himself, and the one year comfort with his quiet, night time friend. You drew out a forming insanity with amazing detail. Your mental anguish of this character comes through and gives the reader a true feel for the sense of him.
The conclusions seems a little open ended, not fully set in stone, but is appropriate for the story. I absolutely hate gushing, but this deserves the attention. It is a long story and I think many people try to get in and get a quick review for credit, so that may go against you a little.
I want to say, this story is well written and is mentally taxing. Not anything you have to be smart to figure out, but taxing in the way that the prisoners insanity drags at you and makes your thoughts swirl. I hope that anyone seeing this review will give this story the time it deserves. Very well done.
Suggestions/corrections
"And then I was taken to a room where they wrote down my height, the color of my hair and my eyes, even a couple notes about that scar above my eye and the one on my knee. All my physical characteristics so carefully recorded." I see this being said, but all I see of the man is that he has brown hair. I understand the thought on the physical descriptions, but this is the main character and I think we need to be able to see him. I have no problem with your everyman idea, but in a story like this, I feel it is needed.
Well, that was deep thought in this one. The whole death thing comes across nicely in this. I like in the end that Andrew decided that he would go ahead and beat death as Charles was not able to. They have oposing views on their deaths and that does allow the story to have a good drive to it.
Charles has an irrational fear that is no longer a constant event; suffocating due to the fact that your death was misdiagnosed. The whole, getting a safety coffin was a great touch.
Again, I cannot connect with them physically due to no description on that account, but you did let me know why. I will have to make my connection through the mental image you paint.
To start with, the imagery was beautiful. The setting of this piece comes through so clearly and I can see and feel it. The story travels well and held my interest all the way through to its conclusion.
The development of your character was well executed. You define her mentally; her expectations, thoughts, and feelings. There was nothing physical to let me connect to her. Physical things, yes, but I do not see her at all. I have a sense of her from the mental state, but no physical connection. She does not feel real. This may have been what you wanted. The moon, the swirling smoke, and other things you describe leaving me with a dark unanswered sense.
The story reads well, nothing way over the top to take away from what is being said. You made no attempt to use destraction to alter the readers perception. The conclusion left me with the same feel that I got when I started the read. A thought of unclaimed success that seems to be just beyond the words in story iteself.
This poem is very well developed. I was amazed at the strength of line I found in this piece. Your words brought the thoughts to life, made it have such a sense of desperation and hope at the same time. I am rating and reviewing on its appeal rather than any structure or such. This was really deep and I truly enjoyed the read. This is a poem that needs to be read for someone to see what I found in it. My comments on how it feels, if you demonstrated your thoughts, or on how it holds up would be shallow and fail to bring any justice to this.
I love the use of 'pernicious'. It is such a darker way to state something's destruction than the normal words.
This folder is a good collection of your reviews. I am rating it the way I am due to the fact that I think more is needed. You show a great reviewing style and I am glad I stopped in and took a look to see what this was all about.
I would suggest that you increase this folders size as it clearly shows your ability with detailing your thoughts and can be a doorway for others into those things you find appealing.
Hah, this was a great review. You handled this very well. I like the rich review you gave. You detailed the untruths and reveal a liking for this that makes me want to take a look. Your words have given me reason to take a look into this. I am already intrigued by the fact that it is false. Great presentation on your part.
Great review. I think you used appropriate examples to give the unfamiliar reader the sense of the lute. I prefer other instruments of the time, but am going to locate and give this a try. You wrote a review that made me want to see what was up, gave me some inside to the album, and defined the reasons for this particular work. I am sure it will garner some interest for the CD, if nothing more than to just see what the music is. Very well done.
This is a very nice signature image. I am rating and reviewing it on its appeal as your signature. Alfred did a good job in doing this for you. The soft blues in the clouds near your name lend it a mystic feel. The darkening colors as the clouds move into the distance set your name above the darkness. It may only be my interpretation, but it has a sense that Nicola is beyond the dark. I find this signature very appealing.
I enjoyed spending some time in this folder. I read everything, though I did not give them all reviews, I did rate each poem. "Final Vows" and "Cry Santuary!" were both outstanding. Those two poems really stood out among some very good pieces.
This was a good folder for displaying some of your entries, seperating them from the rest of your poetry collection. I am rating this poem on the appeal of its contents. This is an easy place for anyone wanting to get a look at your style, to stop in and give you some ratings and reviews. It was a pleasure.
The way you told this story is a credit to your ability. You handled something that should make people cringe with such a wonderful style. The story worked because of the general unawareness that existed in the class.
This being true, I see that it says biographical, is just moronic. Time may set things in the distant reaches, but morals and right and wrong should always hang around and should have been seen in this. See, your story has got me all worked up.
I know this may be personal, but would you happen to have this girl's, laura's, number. I would like to call her and say a few things. Thank you for the frustration, by the way.
Suggestions/corrections
"I had grown used to the fact that in the majority of my classes, I was by far the oldest student (in the class) and in this case," I think you can remove these words and make the sentence sound a little easier.
"We had been sitting, (for the past almost two hours)," This just doesn't sound right. Maybe you could go with 'for almost two hours' or 'for the past two hours".
"Laura told us about this woman in her mid seventies who had grown up in Poland." I get what you are saying, but the 'mid seventies' seems to be defining either Laura or the woman. It may read better if you go with something like 'this woman who was in her mid seventies and had grown up in Poland. Something to just make it on the money as the woman.
"(Part of) her report went as follows" I would remove this and make it start with her. I am not certain, but there may also be a colon after the word 'follows'.
I see a loty of emotion in this poem. I can only guess what the guilt is for, but if it is what is alluded to, how can she claim to only love him? This is a subject I think it is important that you address in this poem. That confuses me to no end.
The guilt seems a little weak. It feels as if she is writing this and kind of passing the blame for any of her own mistakes instead of taking the blame fully on herself and pulling in the guilt. That is just how it feels.
The poem reads well and the emotinal thought that is woven within your lines holds up well. I liked this one very much, but still think blame should be taken without it being transfered to 'because you were gone'.
I liked to see the development of the poem's subjects. You gave the reader a look at two people that have spent their lives together and went through some hard events. I am glad that you listed this events and brought a truthful feel to the closeness.
You handle some very tough subjects in this piece, but just seemed to touch on them. The fact that you used the edges of the negative as a reason for the closeness works in this. You gave direct examples without using and specific details. This allowed the poem to make the reader think and drives the poem along.
You didn't give any reasons why they are being torn apart and where he is returning from. It is not anything that takes away from the poem as a whole, but you may want to address this if you do any editting.
You did a very good job with the presentation of both your thoughts and your emotions. I get what you are telling the reader here, what the feelings must have been or are. Addressing the fact that great art is best when it comes from misery and then admitting guilt later in the poem, lets the reader know that there is hope beyong what there is now. If someone thinks along those line then threr is sure redeeming qualities in them.
The rhythm staggers a bit here and there, but I assume that is a deliberate line structure in the poem. The unease in this reads easy and ends with a dark thought. The life that might be taken sets the sense of this piece in stone.
I see what you are getting at here, but you do not actually address what you consider these evils are. You have a good thought that seems to have some real potential. You just seem to have left that potential a bit flat. WIth so many religious thoughts, it would be nice for you to state your own temptation. I think I know what it is, but would hate to make a jump to it if your passion was not down those lines.
The words and lines handle your thoughts good. I like the sound of the poem and it has an easy flow. I would suggest that you put a little more of the actual temptation in the poem to let the reader know instead of the reader just making an assumption. I do see some real promise here and would love an invite to reread and drop another review if you have altered this in any way. Good luck.
Deeper than what I was expecting. You deliver some very interesting thoughts. The use of simple words and the strong lines to let the reader know what was and what is makes this poem work well. There is nothing over the top to derail a reader's thoughts and it seems that this is very direct. I say seems, because there is the feeling of something underneath that is not fully revealed.
I liked the feel of the poem. It read easy and had a good rhythm that did not cause my thinking to drop out at odd poins. Nicely handled.
A good folder, but a bit exhausting. It has some very good things in it, but is long and not something that can be taken in very quickly. "A Shelf of Short Stories" is great. A reader can stop in read a story or two and return when they so choose. The Placesettings folder works much the same way and is also a very strong part of this.
"After the War-The Jounals" though an extremely interesting and very good read. Is a big undertaking in this folder. I am of the opinion that this bookself should be limited to the smaller articles and the larger story should be contained elsewhere. It is all good. This is just my suggestion and my opinion is today as it has been for the last forty or so years; My opinion.
Overall, this is a large undertaking to clear the bookshelf as it is, but everything read well and was worth the time I spent in here.
There was definite character development, though I believe that Barbie's development was actually that of your main character. I like the whole man woman thing. How you wover the typical thoughts in most of us as we grow and try to ditch our own programming.
The bet was used very well as a device to drive this story along. You met the crisis well, I am glad to see that you did not go the normal way and have her succeed. You kept it real, or a truthful feeling. We do not always conquer and we do fail.
The story's climax was a strng point of life and the conclusion was grand. I like the whole burning of the weding dress.
I found this story quite appealing and it was a pleasure to read.
A very good job with this idea. You never really know for certain if it was suicide or shark fishing. I like that it can be percieved either way. You developed your character, though not fully, and you allowed that character to resolve the simple crisis, the suicide. It all works out, so I will have to say that this story works. Very short, but gets right to the point.
Nice to take a look at someone else's mindset and what they use to scramble their brain before they get to their writing. We see a little of the personal, the every day, or, at least this day.
Suggestions/corrections
"I, still clad in my favorite, cozy black-watch plaid nightgown(,) was curled up in a chair in the dining room" You need a comma here so it becomes "I was curled..." The second comma sets the fragment correctly.
It is exactly what it says it is; awarded stories and poems. I entered the folder expect to be satisfied with the contents and was not disappointed. The shorts were all well written, as were the poems.
The folder has such a variety of differently themed items, that I did not get bored or allow my thoughts to go elsewhere. This was well worth my time and I am glad that I read through this folder.
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You gave a good description, infromed us about its instruction and its makeup, and you gave its history. This was a presentation that was handled very well.