This was a very good editorial. You give us clear and decisive examples of what is occuring. Good way to connect your readers with your thinking on this subject. Draw us in by laying down these examples and directing your thoughts through them.
Overall: I think you handled the subject matter nicely. Good touch with personalizing this. I am refering to bthe mother and wife comments. You let me see you through the eyes of someone with meaning. Your ideas remain right on taget and you show us, with no doubt, which direction you wish this would go. Very well done.
Suggestions/Corrections
1) "The(They) followed her until a Good Samaritan intervened and in classic NY style," Just letting you know of a small typo.
You handle this poem very well. Exceptional delivery of the thoughts about raising or children to be who they will become. You introduce the thoughts here that we should all be aware of. We forge the next generation, thoughts, actions, and feelings.
Overall: The poem is an easy read. It uses strong lines to create the sense you wanted us to get. I get it. This poem is wrapped up with 5 powerful lines. These final lines show us the poem as a whole. Very well done.
I enjoyed reading through your campfire. I like the ability to read a work that various authors have put together, through you of coarse. The story reads well, a change in feel from time to time, but stays along the lines of your guidelines.
I like your introduction. YOu set a great tone for this piece and, as you state, it goes through you and I think you have done a nice job with this. Never having participated in such, I like to take a look and see how these things work and how well they hold up. Good job.
An excellent story of love and loss. The characters are well defined. You developed them through memorable experiences, allowing your readers to form an association with the two, Tom and Sarah.
Overall: The fact that the story revolves around similiar events from the recent past takes away some of its originality. That being said, you took such a personal side to the story. You gave us something here that humanizes the event so much more and left me with such a sad heart. The conclusion was beautifully done. The "I love you" and then the fading away ending make this stand out brilliantly. We typically see the shock endings that try to grab the reader's feel for the worse. You left this in such a way that all I could do was shrug and shake my head. Nicely handled.
You present your story well. You touch on a subject that many others are involved with and you gain a pull for those along this line. The character is developed, the conflict is clear and the main characters attempts to resolve that conflict. This piece has some feel to it that lends itself to us as readers.
Overall: The story works very well. It addresses things that ring true and lets us see the character as a real individual with some struggles, but also the drive to get it worked out. Nicely done.
Not certain of the circumstances of the contest. I wish you would have included the contest information as an intro or as a prologue to let us know what we are looking at.
Overall: The story develops well, some background on the main character and then quick to the embarrassment. You kept this in tight lines, so I assume the story had an allowable length.
Suggestions/Corrections
1) "I have a Bleeding Heart". She states this, but if she had the plant, wouldn't he have seen it and rang it up. She wanted to purchase a Bleeding Heart so I assume it is something he had to get for her. If this is the case, why does she state it? The statement seems to contradict your working, embarrassing situation. I think it would work in this if he did not see it in the cart or whatever and that is why she states it instead of asking for one.
The openning of this poem has such an eerie sense to it. Rolling fog was sweet. I rarely get that eerie feel and thank you for the way it crept up on me.
Overall: The poem reads exceptionally well. I like how you pass everything away and wrap it up with such a great line. Great job.
This is an absolutely great folder containing your poetry work. The pieces were all great reads and hold so strongly to personal emotion that it follows the folder title perfectly. It is nice to see a folder that follows its title and lives up to a reader's expectations. This is so very nicely done.
Wow! This poem reads with such strength and emotion that I was taken back. This is a very beautiful piece of work on your part. I am rating this today by its appeal to me. A family man, I completely get everything you are saying here. Such emotional strength that I sat back to think it over. Great work.
Overall: The poem reads well. It has simple wording, nothing over the top to throw me out of its feel and nothing forced. It reads with such honesty and is wonderful. The two line verses felt a little off, but I completely understand the reason why you chose to address each thing with only two lines.
My favorite verse was the one that ended this poem.
"You are the reason
my life is so complete"
This sets the whole thing in stone and is absolutely brilliant.
I hope you do not mind, but I have included a link to this poem in my own file " My collection of authors on WDC. Poetry".
This is an exceptional piece of family meaning. The feel for your children comes through in such amazing lines that bare your soul and love for them so very clearly.
Overall: The poem is smooth and reads with such feeling that causes the reader to pause and give thought. The lines deliver your strength, setting your meaning without any flowery words or overblown thoughts to distract the reader. You deliver this piece right on point. It was a nice, warm read and I am most certainly glad that I took a look. Good job.
This poem has a lot of emotional feel to it. The words are not harsh, but the sense of this piece seems to be a mix of anger and atatement of self worth and importrance. Love comes through as the blame here, the charater still having love underneath the words, but disappointed that she is bound through it. The tension is there and you did a good job leaving this with that sense.
Overall: The poem reads very well. Easy words and strong lines let the reader get the sense of this piece. The woman bound by love, bound by her feelings, struggles to set herself apart from that. She does not seem to regret the love in total, but did not seem to get all that she was expecting and ready to stand in all that she truly is. The flow is steady and the sentences are not overshadowed by grand statements. It is directly on point.
This is a poem with some real power. Your sense comes through so clearly and I get what you have determined here. Good job in giving this piece such a personal feel that most readers can associate with.
Suggestions/Corrections
1) I would have liked to see what led her to the epiphany. Something solid other than her feelings. I think there must be a reason and feel a bit unaware of what exactly is there. I would like to see a little bit more in this regard.
I am rating this simply on its appeal to me. I enjoyed the whole baby thing and the final line is brilliant. Baby snoring is not what I was expecting when I read this, but I get it. It is a very enjoyable piece when you just go with it. Good job with this. Easy words and lines and an interesting pull.
This was an interesting tale. It demonstrates the character and his conflict, getting across the twent miles through the woods, and shows the reader his thoughts and drive while doing so. I would have liked to see a bit more character development, but I get what is going on here.
Overall: The story has some pull for the reader, but I think it needs some more development to reach the true potential. Give it some more work, matbe lengthen and allow your reader to deeply associate with your protaganist. Good luck.
An interesting message in this piece. I liked the imagery and the sense you brought to this. It was a bit thought provoking. I was forced to examine what you were actually writing here. Very well done. The conclusion to your short was a good message to put out there. I enjoyed the read, but it did come across just a bit muddled.
I would have liked you to develop Lori's character a bit further. As a reeader, I get the jist of her, but I do not really feel her. The story has quite a bit pushed into a small package and is a little general.
This has some good appeal to it, but I think you need to lengthen it and let the reader really feel Lori. The connection is a very important aspect of a story. You have a lot of untapped potential and I think if you change a few things and let us get to know her a little better, this will become something very very good.
A poem rich in personal feel and the memories of life. You did a good job in using each verse to define specific details that outline your own experiences. The sense here is nice, a calm piece that develops well as it is read through.
Overall: The poem has a steady flow and rhythm that allows an easy read. Simple words and strong lines give the reader a good feel for the life you explain and for the love of a brother. I like that you allowed for reason for his passing to be understated and stick to the life rather than the death. This was a well written poem and has such a good feel to it.
Some very rough thought comes through in these lines. There is a very powerful message in this.
"It tells her entirely what she hates
To make her see the truth
Though words can hurt you everyday
You can survive
When needed to"
This verse held the most awareness for me. Such a strong statement. Your meaning comes through clear and I like the fact that the mask is not permanent, that it is a shield.
Overall: The poem reads very well. Its flow juts around a bit, but nothing that takes away from the sense of it. Strong lines dictate each verse, letting us witness something more about the mask. The poem transitions nicely from its beginning to the end. I like that it ends with the fact that eventually she will live. Good balance from a sort of death, hidden away and such, in the start to the fact it is all about life. You balanced this feeling pretty well.
Suggestions/Corrections
1) "She still hears what people says" The 's' needs to be removed from 'says'.
An absolutely beautiful love story. My heart breaks for Golden Aspen Leaf. You handled the emotions and development of the characters wonderfully.
Overall: This story delivers an old world love story. Not sex and the next best thing, but real love. The witing seemed a bit formal at points, but did lend the story a noble sense. The meaning is great and this truly is a lovely short.
Suggestions/Corrections
1) "Here you could see (you) own face staring back at you." I believe this is suposed to be 'your'.
2) "Sometime in the wood(,) the man stopped and turned." Comma needed.
3) "(Don'd) leave me, Silver Dog!" I think this is just a simple typo. Should be 'don't'.
This short has a good flow that lets the story's meaning come to the reader in very direct and simple terms. The images are well drawn. I could see what you were describing here.
The development of being a slodier is handled nicely. I felt the tension and nervousness. The thought going through a soldier's mind that innocents will most likely die. Powerful.
"Our souls would suffer. Our hearts and minds would suffer. Nothing would ever be the same. We would never be the same." These two lines are strong. These meant something to me when I read this.
Suggestions/Corrections
!) I was not comfortable with the last line. Opinion only, but it seemed to be grabbing for the reader's senses. A bit forced.
This folder has an excellent collection of your poetry. The pieces are seperate and pul from thoughts you clearly wish to express. Though different in message, you seem to have a set style, very little diference in the structure of the poems. It was nice to be able to grab your poetry folder and take a look at what you bring to the table.
Good use of the association of life to a roundabout. The end line is poerful, I assume you refer to death here. The feel isn't as strong as I would have liked, but your point is very well taken. This is a piece that will definitely make you think. More thought coming after the reference you make to a roundabout being a nightmare. This lends tension to the poem.
The poem was quick and on point, but I really did not get a strong feel for what is happening. I get it, but do not feel it.
The poem is on point with good words and a decent sense with its jutting flow. I would have liked something a bit more personal and maybe some more length. I wanted to fully feel the tenion here.
The postscript was nice to read. Gives the reader a little insight into the author's thoughts.
Great folder containing quick to read pieces in it. It was a good selection of things to give your readers a look at the "bits". Hopefully you will be increase the amount of items posted in here and let it become a stop of for authors that want to get a quick read, rate, and review a few items. It has a good draw and, once it becomes known, I can see a base for both beginners and experienced reviewers to drop in and give you their thoughts. Nice job with this.
Interesting. It was not exactly what I was expecting, but the subtleties throughout this worked very well. I liked the feel in this and enjoyed the read. I would have liked to see a bit more, but it stands pretty well as it is. Good job
Suggestions/Corrections
1) "toward Ian's (left right) ear where" You have right and left both in here. It is a little confusing.
A very nice "bit" here. I like how you approached the fallen angel in this piece. Satan is so often regarded with just hate and ugly adjectives. You painted him as he was created, with magnificient glory. You leave the pride there though, balancing the two in terms quite understood by human nature.
I liked this piece very much. The image you give me of Satan is brilliant and the sense of him is remarkable. Good job.
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