I am rating and reviewing this poem strictly on its appeal to me. Nothing about its makeup or needed corrections or anything; strictly its appeal.
I enjoyed this poem. You give the reader the essence of the fear people have. You gave no true threat away, but left me thinking only of shadows and trees and such. I still have these thoughts, though sound is involved in my dark dread. You gave this an eerie feel with such a simple use of language. I finished reading this and started over. I know of what you are writing about and I loved reading this. Very well done.
I hope you don't mind, but I have included a link to this poem in my own file "My collection of authors on WDC. Poetry". If you would like me to remove it just let me know.
Wow. This poem has some thought provoking lines in it. I was not sure what to expect, but it was a great read. The rhythm faltered a bit, but the overall sense of the piece fully sets that aside. There is some real power here. There was a few rhymes that felt forced: him/Jim and stone/bone. I am not strong in poetry so my reviews of it are by feel and what I think. I liked this poem. It's meaning comes through with strong lines and verse. The last verse is strong and ends the poem well.
I enjoyed reading this poem. It has a very simple take that, if refined a little, could be very appealing to children. I understand it may not have that intention, but it is right there. It has a deceptively scary start with a wonderful ending.
Overall: The words and lines are simple and on point. The story has a nice flow, though it juggles in a few places: lines 7 and 8. The verses individually define halloween experience: sound in the first, darkness in the second, and named creatures in the third. Nice seperation of these. It has a good ending. The trick or treat lets us know that the things described previously turn out to be children in the end.
Suggestion: I was uncomfortable with the line "For soon they'll be here". I understand whay its there, but it takes me away from the fear of the person telling the poem. Covering in fear and such, but knowing that they are coming as trick or treaters takes it away a bit. I'm not sure how you could adjust it to keep the fear justified and the trick or treat a surprise. The only other thing I get from the way it's written is that the character is affraid of actual children. I know, seems a bit picky, but I'm just trying to give a readers honest view. This is a good poem. Like I siad, this could be easily shaped into something that children would really enjoy. The suspence and fear with a surprise trick or treat.
This is a good introduction to your contest. You set up what you expect appropriately and privided the prospects with examples of what you like and past winners. I have only entered a few contests, but I enjoy reading what they are about, reading some of the posts, developing my own thoughts on entries, and I like to check back and see how it turns out. Good contest for anyone wishing to throw you a few twists and something I feel people will get an honest opinion on their surprise twists.
This was an absolutely wonderful journal read. Everything was short and right on point. You feel real here, a reason I do not do a journal. The real me is far from the children's stories I like to write. It takes guts to put yourself out there. Though you did stay away from a lot of personal information, your thoughts and perceptions were nice to read.
Favorites: the racist sharks (still funny), Happy VD (this one has alreay been told to someone on the phone. Thanks), and the dream about changing the days of the week. I think I would go nuts if that happened. I would hate 'them' too, but who are they?
Thanks for sharing your thoughts. There are some very good thinking points in your journal and I would ask anyone reading the review to stop in and give it a quick read. They will enjoy it. The fact that you got your points in and did not become elaborate was a major plus. Absolutely wonderful.
I give most folders a high rating if they are put together well and keep to their title. The images in here are very nice. You did a good job with giving credit to the work here when it was created by someone else.
I loved "storm", "puppet", and "arakun (the judge)". The "Beyond" sig and "Kelly's Slough" are the same image, but for the wording. I understand why, but just felt too familiar. I had to think about the "Badlands Sunset". I like the thought of the image, but it is just too dark for me. I could not determine if you were trying to give the Badland feel or if that was the best opportunity at the sunset you got. I would have liked something with a bit more color in the sky, but understand if that was not possible.
Overall: This folder is a great look at your images. It was very pleasing. A few items from clipart really stood out and the photography work with the flowers and Kelly's Slough was nicely done. Good job.
This is a great image. I enjoy the feel that it gives. Intended or not, I get the sense of the umbrella gathering, not keeping water away. The clouds in the background show the possiblity of coming rain and the upside down umbrella will hold water rather than let it drain away. Enough light is visible in the clouds to let us feel there is more than just a storm there. Good job with the image. I do not always comment on sigs and images, due to the fact that I am not certain of who created it. This one, I needed to comment on. It appeals to me personally and is an image I think should get some attention.
Again, the information is all here, but you do not give the reader something to read and enjoy. You have established your fact. If you write this out, exploring what the meaning of these trips were, what he accomplished, and how it effected the world in todays terms, it will be an exceptional piece.
I am giving this the rating based on the information you provided. The essay needs to read better. You have all the aspects needed, but did not create it in such a way that I felt inspired. As a learning piece, it is wonderful. If you wrote this out, grouped you facts together and gave the reader explainations that let us now why these things are and what effect they have. Good work, but needs some strengthening.
This is an interesting story. You need a little work with your sentences and such, but this has some real potential. The story reads like an everyboy. It will resonate with your readers that have done some things and gotten in trouble for. Give this some more work, extend it and make it read a little better. This story is very promising, with the work of coaurse.
Suggestions/Corrections
1) You need to make all the dialogue read as seperate pieces. No big deal, but it throws the reader off a bit not to have it seperated.
I do like the thought behind the story, but think you need to work on your grammer and such so the reader isn't thrown off. I would expand this into something longer and make your meaning jump out. The foundation is here and the story will be very good with a little more work.
Suggestions/Corrections
1) "much more than last before," I think I know what you meant here, but you need to fix the line for your readers.
This was a fun story. It was enjoyable due to the fact that you kept it so light. It is something for the rader to have fun with. A bit racey, yes, but not filthy. You did a good job in letting the reader know what is happening without going into a great deal of detail and making it erotic. The lightness will let your readers enjoy the story.
Overall: The story is an easy read. It has some humor and gives us a crisis that you resolve nicely. The resolution may offend some of the devout, but I had to smile. Great setting and a well delivered story.
This is a story that I absolutely love. You provide a crisis and a resloution. You develop Holly within the story and show us someone with such a truthful sense to her. This story reads well, is easy to follow, and has the elements to catch a childs imagination and attention. I am absolutely glad that I took the time to read this. Though I like the pizza poem and the playful story about Luke, this one is right at the top of my list.
I give this one a solid recommendation from someone that enjoys reading. This story seems to be well thought out, holds up nicely, and has a sweet ending. Please stop it and give it a read. You will love it.
Man, that was creepy alright. Very well written too! I was wondering how this story was going to turn out and you did not disappoint me at all. This is something I recommend to anyone out there that wants to take a quick read and enjoy a story.
Overall: The use of a panda bear was brilliant. A sweet, cuddly little panda. You did a good job with all theree of the characters, though Brian left her alone awfully quick. What you did to Sam, I applaud. I would have liked a little more suspense to lengthen the creepy thoughts. Maybe some other little twist to give the reader a harder shock, get the feel you really want. Other than that, this is a great story.
The story has a nice idea, but was predictible. I was hoping to see something a little bit different, but it was what I was expecting.
Overall: The writing is smooth and has an easy sense to it. There isn't anything to turn the readeer off and nothing twists up the story's plot. It seemed a little unrealistic for a dentist to be there so late and accepting a patient, but in the spirit of the story, I realize that fact must be overlooked. This was enjoyable, but there wasn't any surprises and I saw where the story was headed. You did a good job with the idea, but I wish you would have been able to disguise it a bit more.
Wow! I enjoyed the start to this story. I hate the fact that you have left me out here in limbo though. You have a writing style that really appeals to me. So much of these reviews end up as opinion anyway.
Overall: We get the sense from the beginning that she is right about the baby, but you leave it unclear until all the things about the camera. The bite was one thing, but the camera tells us all something. I am a bit put off that I cannot see where it goes from here, but I will get over it and not hold it against you. You developed a good setting and you have put a crisis there that will need to be resolved. To this point, you have done a nice job. Looking forward to seeing it when it is extended.
I have been reading your children's things and then I read this. I am impressed with how easily you handle the change of story telling. This reals very well. I felt for the character and I enjoyed your use of the elf. The future with Craig felt a little predictible, but what other way could there be. You chose your setting nicely and gave me a real feel for what was happening. Good ending, though I despise old classmates and such. Please do not take that wrong. It was still a good ending.
This has a good feel to it. It is realistic for a nine year old to wind up in some outlandish situation. I am glad that it had a real sense to it. Though the story appealed to me, I would have liked to see some more of him developing the trap. I think I would have liked to associate what he was thinking, how he determined this would work, and such. I see some untapped potential here. The end, I absolutely loved. The fact that the mom is just okay with it, it wonderful.
I am rating this purely on its appeal to me. This was a surprisingly pleasant story. It is simple and right on point. The kiss is perfect. I enjoyed how much truth you wove into this. The imagination of a child was one thing, but then you gave us his mom's kiss. Something so simple and the child feels invincible. Grammer and everything else aside, this appeals to me personally.
This story has a wonderful feel to it. I think it is wonderful that you capitalized the roar each time. This gave it a very active feel. The dialogue with the lions reads nicely and the story has a flow that will appeal to any child.
Overall: You developed Luke and his actions well. The sentences are strong and short. You create a crisis that he ovecomes, being a lion, and you use a setting that will be familiar to all children. The writing needs to be tightened up a bit. I see it, though am constantly guilty of it myself. I was a little concerned with the Ls in the very start, but it held up. It just was a quick thing, grabs the reader, and drops off. This was a fun read and I recommend it to anyone that likes the children's genre. Great job with Luke.
I hope you do not mind, but I hvae included a lik to this story in my folder " My collection of authors on WDC. Shorts". I enjoyed the read and had fun and would like that others get a look at it.
Suggestions/Corrections
1) You should seperate the dialogue from the action goin on. YOu have placed the dialogue in with the paragraph detailing other things.
This is a very interesting story in the clone sense. I didn't see the end coming. Good twist there. I am a bit uncertain about the soul returning though. I like the play between man and god here. I think you did a great job in developing the aspect of the souls meaning.
Overall: The story has a steady feel to it. There was nothing to kick the reader from the story as it unfolded. There were some very strong aspects of life mixed in here, giving the story a sense of truth. The imagery at the start of her singing was a decent pull, though I would have liked something a bit stronger here. The story holds firm, it didn't just dive into the cloning aspect, it led us into it. You handled that very well. I like the ending, though I think that rat, Steve, still gets away with what occured, even being put away. I am very pleased that you developed all three of these characters so well. In her, we see who she was, who she becomes, and how she deals with it. We see a human side of the doctor that I thought was going to be lacking when it actually got to the cloning part. Steve, The end explaination gives it all to us.
The story has a nice, easy read to it. It was enjoyable.
Overall: The setting was well written. I actually got a sense of this. The developments of the brothers and their conversation read well. I liked the ending, but it seemed to arrive to easily. I didn't get the feel that anything was really accomplished. I do like the components. What the legendary White Sunfire is is absolutely brilliant. My only suggestion is that you rework the ending a bit. I was expecting some tension or effort, bt it was just POP and done. That being said, the story works well and I am gla that I took the time to give it a read. It was not what I was expecting and am glad it wasn't.
First of all, moron is my favorite name calling word. Great use of it. I like that the story unfolds through a personal log. It took me a minute to get it when Ellen shows up. Caught me offguard and I had to reread. I like it.
Overall: The story has some good twists in it and throws the reader a curve here and there. I enjoyed the take on man's nature, his thoughts on the women. Gets rid of one because the other looks better and then likes the other cause she comes back looking better. Good use of character there. The ending was pretty strong, but predictible to a certain degree. You handled the writting very well and gave us a sense of the man being alone. Good story.
My favorite was that he wonders why they only sent one suit.
Great grab in the start. The openning held my attention and garnered interest in the story. Nice to see you get me right out of the gate.
Overall: Wow! I really loved this read. I will not give the story away in the review, but it felt good. I love the imagery you used in the painting. The character development was brilliant. I felt as if I knew this woman. You drew her nicely and showed us a bit of her makeup: the uncertainty in herself, the determination when interest is reached, and her resilant rebirth at the end. Great ending.
Suggestions/Corrections
1) "The sound of the easel hitting the marbled floor (sounded) thunderous in Mary's ears" I think this sentence would read better if you removed 'sounded' from this and put 'was'. The was will fit because I see the tense you used and it would remove the repetitive word in this sentence.
2) I notice that you do the same thing I do. I jump between present and past tense. I still have to go back and reset my work to get it right. You do it here as well, past and present tense. I am just letting you know. When I read this, it did not take away from my thoughts on your story.
You deliver this with some real power. I like how it takes the reader through your life, birth until the present, and reflects upon what you felt. I can honestly see the reasons for the "why" and can feel that you held to the love you wanted even with all the faults in her. Hard to do, but you deliver it with great words.
Overall: I found the read easy. There were a few grammer problems, sentence structure and punctuations, that I hope you address during any editting you do. You kept this simple and to the point, not taking the reader out of the piece with over the top descriptions that would mess with the meaning. You delivered the sense of this very well and have something that has some real potential. With a little work and some more driving the points home, this will become something exceptional. Very well done and I would be glad to take a reread if you do alter it any way. I feel the pain, but I would like to get a stronger feel for the rage.
Suggestions/Corrections
1) I get the "older sister" remark in the first paragraph, but it threw me off a bit at first. I think it may help the reader if you make it stand out thet she was an older sister to someone else and your mother. Just a thought.
2) I think paragraph four would come across with so much more power if you broke it into seperate sentences. Let each of the sentences drive a point home. As it reads now, they are all wrapped up together when they are really seperate things to put point to what happened.
3) Again, this is just the wording, what you are saying can be taken in two different ways. Is your mother always drunk or are you. Yes, I understand, but I think you need to make this sentence clarify what you are describing. "Always drunk, seldom sober. I needed you so much, but you needed me more."
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