Wow! I was really impressed with this article. You won me over to your thoughts on this matter. I enjoyed the precision you used in getting your point across to your readers. You did not use anything dramatic, but made your idea clear with the use of things we can all associate with. The mother, the saints, and the beggar were all absolutely wonderful choices to develop this thought. You stayed on point and used calm reason to get this across. Excellent.
To be completely honest, I was with you until you seem to accidently contradict yourself in the end. Your whole point is not to compare yourself and to be happy with what you have. Then you say to be happy that you are human and not an insignificant insect. You make the assumption that the insect isn't just completely happy with its life and you made a judgement. Please do not misunderstand what I am saying here. Your whole thought on this is wonderful. I completely get it and agree whole heartedly. That being said, you cannot make such a strong point and derail it by doing exactly what you are against. I understand what you were meaning, but life as a whole should be hapy and, if that's the case, no matter what your life is, insect or human or bear, you should be happy as that thing. Again, I completely agree with your thoughts, but I was thrown by the statement.
Overall: The author delivers his thoughts very well. Reason is used and a good, solid foundation for the idea exists. I think you did very well in explaining your point of view and gave us something to think on. This would have registered much stronger with me if the remark I spoke of earlier was written differently. I personally felt that it was a contradiction to your argument. I do not think that it was intentional, and you may not even realize it come through that way. Very strong point, nicely delivered, but a little work to give it more strength is needed.
I really enjoyed this piece. You did a good job with your thoughts and demonstrated the feel of what a job can and does mean to an individual. You made some very solid points and I did think over everything you said. I must say, I do agree with this as a whole. A few minor differences in thoughts, but you definitely delivered your sense of this subject with strength.
There were a few grammer problems, but nothing that major. This was an easy read. It sticks well to the idea and delivers good examples. I think the guy getting hired as the bank sweeper and gaining the ground he did was an excellent addition to give the reader something to think about.
I enjoyed reading this piece very much. I had never heard of Bertrand Russell or this idea and I think you did a good job with your explaination. It has me thinking, seeing the points you made here.
Overall: This is a very well written article. The author gives and explains the idea in clear terms. As a reader, I could see the author's belief in this idea and his support of it clearly. You did not set this with "I'm right" opinions, but gave us enough of your thoughts on the existing idea to let us develope a well informed opinion of our own. Nicely handled.
You make your points well, but I did dislike that you assume that someone following materialism is simply ignorant. Flip the coin, and they see spiritualism as ignorant. Though your argument has some sound reasoning, you assume that the banks couldn't come up with the gold and silver to back the currency. That may be true, but you would have to prove it without doubt to make your argument actually valid. Please, do not misunderstand me. I see the point here. You presented your thoughts on this very nicely. I would not involve myself in an argument such as this due to the fact that to prove one side right, you would have to be able to prove your assumptions. A material person cannot disprove spiritual beliefs until death and a spiritual person cannot prove materialism wrong, unless they can show a hundred percent that there is no way to balance the currency. This is simply an unwinable argument, though you, spiritually thinking, assume that you have won. No winner in any manner.
You made some good points, but I think your argument would have been a little stronger with some sound physical evidence. Yes, I agree with much of what you expressed, but the physical evidence will remain illusive. This was a pleasant read and I am glad to have taken a look at your thoughts on this. Good work and I think you make some very sound observations.
Suggestions/Corrections
1) "I believe both materialism and spiritualism (has) a role to play in everyone’s life." The has here needs to be have. It is because it spawns of 'both'.
2) "And so everyone desires more and more (of) money." Remove the 'of'.
3) "more and more faith on his products and (its) value," This should be their value and not its.
Your feelings on this matter really do come through in this. I think you did a great job in letting the reader feel the depth of your need. It does not always read smooth, but I think that is part of its appeal. The jagged sentences in places gave this the sense of the writer desperately grasping, searching for her.
Overall: This was written well. The sense of someone needing, searching, and wanting held up well within the style this author chose to write this in. It reads nicely and strattled the line between a little desperation and someone that is needing to have something powerfully life changing and meaningful. You did a good job with this.
I sat back for a few minutes before writing this review. I had to think about what is being said here. It has a meaning that we all can relate to if we think about it. Different degrees of pain, but we do find each other often when feeling such things. This poem holds up well, but I think it could have reflected deeper on this subject. I do not mean that this doesn't work, it clearly does. It is easy to understand, has a nice, steady flow, and the words ring true. Good job in expressing your thoughts on this. Made me think about it for a bit. That is always a plus.
I absolutely love the wording you built your lines with. You went away from the light, rhyme feel and came this a sense of something mystical. There seems to be something just out of reach of your description that lingers in the reader's thoughts as we make our way through this. The poem still seems to have some untapped potential. I think that if you made the darkness have more of a feeling of impending dread, it may make this a bit stronger. You left the image of the light with such a positive, lifegiving sense that I wanted to drread the dark. The potential is there and I think this could really deliver something very powerful.
Overall: The poem has a good sense of light and dark in reference to life and the unknown. It reads really well with strong lines that let us grasp the sense behind them. The flow is easy and the poem has a good rhythm to it. This is nearly where it should be. Maybe just a little short. It looks extremely promising given the right lines added. As is, it is still a very good read.
I am rating and reviewing this poem on its appeal to me. I enjoyed reading this very much and it made me sit for a minute and think. I assume it was your intent to make the readers contemplait their own choices. The jagged style you used in the lines left me with thoughts of indecision. If that was your intent, it really works well. If it wasn't, you accidently made a point with the format. Reading this, absorbing it, and thinking back on things made this poem a big plus for me. No grammer or how the poem works needed. This is all about its appeal to me, and I enjoyed the feeling I got when the read was done.
I hope you do not mind, but I have included a link to this poem in my own folder "My collection of authors on WDC. Poetry".
This was really a beautiful sentiment you wove through this poem. Your verses allow the reader to get to know George in a personal way. I can see the man through your description and see the admiration of who he was in your words. The poem defines the man.
Overall: I liked the tittle very much. The poem expresses the 'dearest' a delivered his meaning to you nicely. The flow is a bit rough in a few lines and threw me out of my read. Other than that, I think the lines and verses hold up very well in both feel and meaning.
Wha I liked: I enjoyed the last line. "Your Very loving Family" To be honest, this line gives the poem so much strength.
The emotional feel of this poem is truly moving. It was a very pleasant read, a walk through someone's life. The highs and lows are both defined well within your lines. The final line, though a simple thought, really drives home the poem. It leaves the reader with an empty feel, a longing for what is now missing. Great job with such a simple delivery.
Overall: This poem has such a truthful feel to it that the reader cannot help being wrapped up in the events of each verse. The rhymes do not feel forced, but do seem to lighten the poem a bit in places. The poems movement and rhyme lessened the power of what is being expressed. The flow staggered in a few places, verse six and verse eleven most noteably. The poem is clear, its meaning touches the reader, and its delivery holds up pretty well for most of it. The mix of sadness and joy through this works nicely and you handled the writing wonderfully.
Good, solid chapter here. The character development continues as we get to see a bit more of Erin's inexperience with such things through her dialogue with Abbey. This chapter is a nice stepping place for what is next. We get to see Ean and how he interacts with the flirting Rosie and we get a good definition of the dominant from Abbey's dialogue. Good use of the violence from Bobby against the perceived sexual violence from Ean or Vincent to give the reader a place to see the difference between the two. The dialogue was great and the setting held up, but I would like to start seeing some deeper conflict, something that drives home fully everything that is going on with this relationship.
This was a wonderful collection of your short stories. There is such a variety here that I enjoyed spending the last two days in it. "An Unbelievable World", "Syl", and "Kitty" are big pluses that I hope many more readers get to stop in and take a look at. Exceptional stories, all three of them.
I enjoyed everything in this folder. This was a great read and there were several works that made me think about your words and points. "Behind the Rock" was just one of these. After reading it, I shook my head yes. Great use of your writing ability and a wonderful collection of your short stories. Some work is needed, but we all have to work on our things here and there. Overall, this was time very well spent. Thanks for letting me stop in and have a read.
This was a good mystery with a decent ending. There wasn't anything over the top to take care of your explaination. It worked. The end was wrapped up a little quick and a little neat, but the story held my interest.
Overall: This piece is well written. A few minor grammer fixes, but nothing at all that disrupts the story. The setting felt right and the characters, including the dog, had such a real sense to them. I would have liked to see more in the wrap up of the villian. It seemed just far cleaner than the struggle should have been. Opinion only and this fact does not sway my like for the story overall.
Okay, I will admit it, you got me with this one. I was all wrapped up in Annie. I was thinking she's a good friend and was wondering how she would save him. At the wedding, when she did what she did, I waited for the inevitable spin on something found out behind the scenes that would keep her from getting hammered by the police. Then, you grabbed the rug and yanked it out from under me. All I can do is applaud. Maybe I should have seen something similiar coming, but I was so caught up in the desperate need to save him from a gold digger that you made me feel ridiculous. Great job in hiding what was really happening.
Overall: The story has a good feel to it. The reader can respect Annie and side with her in helping her friend. Heck, I was rooting for her at any cost. You did an good job with Annies development and allowed us to associate with her. The setting was perfect, especially absent the things that would have given the story away. This is something I urge readers to take a look at. It reads nice, holds attention, and delivers a stunning conclusion.
What I liked: When the policeman's mom calls at the end, the story completely sunk in and got the thumbs up. Very well handled.
Great. Granted, I saw it coming, but this story reads so well. The fact that we see his thughts as he goes to pick her up was just the right touch.
Overall: The characters develop nice. We see two different aspects of the same thought. One hopelessly in love the other just wanting a good time. Feels real and I could associate with both sides of this. (Not that I have buried anyone yet, I mean ever) The title and intro are interest peaking. What a conclusion. Yes, everyone will see it coming in one way or another, but the way you handled it brought it home nicely.
As a ghost story, it is a little light. I completely get it and I enjoyed the read, but I saw it coming. That's not a complaint. The idea reads well and the characters come through real. I do like the fact that it comes from a real person and how you incorporated that person into the story. The idea makes an impression on me.
This story had a nice, everyman feel to it. You did a great job in keeping the story in the mind of children and in first person. The end, the "badger" and "bachelor" made me smile. This piece has such a strong, personal feel to it that we, as readers, can associate with. I would have liked to have seen a little more play on the badger aspect, but the story holds up nicely as it is. Good work.
I like the thought and makeup of this story, but it felt a little shallow. I wanted to see into the two with a deeper feel. There are so many things to give to this story that would make it really exceptional. The fact that they are so-so about our percieved evil and good is wonderful. A few examples how they are set aside from it actually being good and evil and how we would take it as such in a read, would have some real power to it.
Overall: The story reads well. The sisters are defined through your words and we get a good sense of them. I think there is some real untapped potential that can be put into this with very little needing to be added. The end wraps up with a perception that will have both sides of thought shaking there heads: one in agreement and the other in disagreement. Either way, it makes me think on it.
Good message here. I really enjoyed how you delivered your message without having to force it into the story.
Overall: The witch's magic comes from her perception of the events holding him back and nothing mystic. I like how this has such an honest truthful feel to it. This teaches the grandaughter something she will be able to use down the road. I fully enjoyed the fact that you used the magic of reality rather than the mystical, only perceived by the man, to get to this story's conclusion. Good use of dialogue to develop the characters and a well written work.
This was a really good read. I wish that Jason had tried suicide and that it was his imagination that let him think it was the rose bush, some twisted thoughts strangling his mind after she passed away. I think that was the only turn I am iffy about. The story itself is intense. It grabbed me and held my attention.
Overall: The character of Rose is described perfectly and her development, before and after death, was some really remarkable writing. I can see her, know who she is. You did a good job with the husband, though I personally would have liked to see it as insanity. I thought it was until the plants and the end and cannot fully grasp your intent. Leaves me on the fence because I realize that someone with a touch of mind problems sees it as real and you are in first person.
Beautiful story. The feel had so much truth to it and Sandy was a character that we make a solid connection with. I was really impressed with how this story made me feel when I was done reading it. Something so simple, but with so much, faded memories of our own child imaginations that I was caught off guard. I added a link to this short in my own folder "My collection of authors on WDC. Shorts" This is something I would love for many of the readers on WDC to get a look at.
Overall: This is about a young girl that seems to be aging away from that little girl and into an older life. You let her touch the mystic that so many children see beyond what is here and then delivered it so very well with Annie Jo's return to the garden in the end. The conclusion was wonderful. There was no overwhelming conflict and the little one you have Syl place in the story was all that was needed to drive it along. Though there are a few edit points in this, I am only addressing the story as a story. Personally, and that's all I can go by, I was very impressed with the full meaning of this piece. And your garden and its description were grand.
My review and rating on this story will be only on its appeal to me. I am not usually intrigued by horror or mystery, but I really did enjoy this one. You did a good job of letting your readers get a feel for Sarah. Important in a story like this. The concern for what was happening to her is an easy drive for this. The fact that you kept it easy and always traveling forward made this a good read. Nothing was here to throw me out of what was happening. The flashback near the end was perfectly placed. It set up your ending nicely and gave the reader the explaination for what was going on. Saving Bonnie and how you twist that around made me happy I read this. Brilliant conclusion that I won't ruin for anyone reading this.
This is a short that I recommend to anyone wanting to get a look at something with a little twist and a bit of the unusual. It is well worth the time.
This was a pleasant read. Good hook in the start with the woman thinking she is shot at and good development of your story from that point forward. The breaking of the glas was a good drive, but I would have liked to see a little more turmoil of some kind to set the woman's fear firmly. Even though the glass was a long way from the plate, she does make a jump to what she thinks without much of an investigation. I think the thought is there, but you could drive her fear home with an act or two that can be explained as Mr. Thomas explained the glass, but also leave the thought of a ghost possibility there.
The end was nice. I like how you leave the grandfather looking for more trouble to cause. Why does he think she is foolish, was there something about her that we did not see that made him think so? Good use of a ghost story. There was no intent to frighten or confuse the reader with a mystery and you wrapped all its aspects up well.
This was absolutely beautiful. I gave it a 4.5 only because I think you could expand this and give the place they live a wider, more vivid view. Other than that, I loved reading this. The start looked like a love story with all the charactersistics we expect from everyday people. When I was done, and I am being careful not to give anything away in my review, I was startled. You caught me completely by surprise. Excellent work.
Overall: This is a real association that any reader can identify with. You give great description and developed the characters quickly and honestly. Though there wasn't any big conflict to overcome, the everyday feel and events that you show us set the need off somewhat. The conclusion was wonderful. From a reader wanting to get a good read, this gave me one.
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