Not bad for 120 words. My only problem was throwing the asylum in there. Maybe you could have used the insane and then went to the insanity without using words on the escape. Just a thought. Thanks for allowing the read.
Good simple hook at the beginning makes you want to see about the dragons. Like that you get a bit from a gentle text there. Pretty good story, but would have liked to have been able to become involved with the character and the dragon a little more. Maybe down the road if you do some more work. Keep up the writng.
Nice, short little story. Works, but I personally feel that it could be extended and show just a bit more. The story was written well, but there doesn't seem to be any real connection with the characters. These are some thoughts. The wording and smoth lines of the story are really well handled.
'Whenever you are building a hyper-quantum physics nuclear reactor, you are just a few stabilizers too short'. I have to say, I was reading the start and then this came from nowhere. I laughed. Nicely done. The story as a whole seemed a bit forced, but there is plenty in it to stretch it out and make a broader demonstration of his wild imagination. Keep up the good work.
The idea is fun, but their issue was not resolved. They just quit and then it rained. This needs a little work, but with that work and a better climax this could be something really nice. Keep up the good work.
Good insight. We have talked about many of these things between you and I already. It was a good idea to let it known. I always use the spellcheck, but even then have a hard time removing fragments as it locates them even in dialogue and, let's be honest, people do speak in fragments. Anyway thanks for the thoughts.
No gripe just letting you know that you may have missed, mornin is mornin'. Good character development and the writing carries really well. Would have liked a little more emotion here and there though. This was a good piece written within a trying time. Nice use of the time and environment. Give it a reread and a little editting though. Good job.
The rating is due to the appeal this has for me. This is simply great. I see what you are saying, the feeling comes through with such loving emotion and pride that this, though very small in stature, is grand. I have no comment on rhymr, rhythm, or all the things that make up a poem. This is a satifying emotional piece. Emotional as I see it through my eyes, those of a father.
Nicely done. Your description is impressive and I enjoyed reading this. My rating and review is based on the stories appeal to me. A pleasure reading this.
This one appealed to me greatly. I love how you describe the candy. How it is erotic in the thought of it. (I do not mean sexual) I want chocolate. This made me smile. Thanks. Great job.
It was great to look back on you almost 50 years ago. I am 21 years removed and the writing decline in school from then till now is huge and I can see from your paper the difference from 59-86 is even greater. It is no longer about real learning, indepth study of what you are learning, and showing a strong ability to display that learning. It has become A.D.D and do this, get your grade, and hope you remember some of it. Fortunately my teens are in a school that proper English, historical study, and in depth understanding are important. It was nice reading through your essay. I was impressed with its makeup.
Short but a nice addition to the essay. Like the current event, well when your wrote this, and the explaination of what was going on. It was a nice thing placed in here and you wrote about it very well.
Very good information about the town and I liked the addition of the events of 4:30 on Thursday, June 9, 1885. Nice inclusion and gives the reader a personal feeling, though clearly you yourself were in no way there. A very good portion to the essay here.
Nice touch with this one, though still a bit a travel guide. I mean no offense by that I hope you understand. You touched a few points of yourself that let me see something a little different than just what it looked like. I was able to think of the scout or the teenager and had an interest in hearing from them. Again, I honestly believe that you could take these pieces and pull them through a short story or a play with great effect.
You weave a wonderful picture with your writing and your thoughts. Seems a bit to much travel channel. This would be greatly used as a means to a play, much like Neil Simon. I could see your description easily melding into a story based upon your experience and not just memories of how it was. You have a strong hand at making me see this place and I would love to take a look at the experiences of it.
There we go. This was a very pleasing piece to read. The lines were crisp and easy to read. It was smooth and, though I am not good with poetry, I enjoyed this very much.
A little choppy with its rhythm, but fantastic thought provking images. Very well done. I was very pleased to have taken a look at this one. Maybe a little work more, but nothing at all drastic needs to be done.
Very good images, and the meaning is very clear and heartfelt. I stumbled with the rhythm though, not certain if it is my lack of peotry knowledge, and was uncomfortable in one or two places with how the words were put together. This is not bad in any way, only based on my opinion.
Not rating this perfect based on any need that I have not to look racist in any manner. It is due to the fact that you handled this story with a great deal of truth, thought, and dignity. Raised by hippies as a small child and then adopted by a grandmother and granfather that left Alabama in 49 because of racism, I have been witness to it but have never taken part in it. Always been glad to have been raised to judge people as who they are, color or religion never enters. And I am blessed with antisocial behavior as I have a hard time believing in trust. You handled this very well, her mother has a lot of the qualities of my grandmother, things just do not matter with how a person looks it is who they are that matters. On the other hand, she was extremely judgemental of people, she had a hard time with trust in others as well. I rambled, but I just wanted you to realize how much this story meanty to me. PERFECT, in my opinion.
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