Hello,
You've portrayed the character of the hungry boy well, but you should have talked more about the wizard. This could be a lot more elaborate, as the ending seems abrupt to me. The first sentence could be rephrased like this: Pangs of hunger shook Trevor's body. He was eighteen and hadn't eaten in three days". I like the way you've shown his actions. I'd like to know what the witch did with the boy as his slave. Add some more description, instead of the three dialogues. And instead of sharp pain you can say "piercing pain".
Well tried, write on
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Hi there,
this can be the begining of a lovely romantic or erotic novel. The description makes me want to read more. Though I don't like reading erotica, for some reason that genre does not appeal to me, but romance sometimes can make me smile when I'm sad.
write on!
Hi there,
I wish this grandma (the narrator of the poem) would tell fairy tales instead of horrifying stories. I love the imagery used in this poem. I think you need to put some more punctuation marks. Your stanzas are short and sweet. This poem does not rhyme properly, I guess that was intentional.
write on!
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Hi there,
this is a beautiful children's story. I wish it had a little image of two fairies. I like the layout, and the flow is also nice. You had won five reviews and 5 tickets from "Invalid Item" in connection with "Raffle Madness". Please check the forum to see your ticket numbers. I'll get to the 5 reviews soon.
Hi there,
I liked this story, but you've used some words which are not decent, so I had to lower my rating. I liked the voice in the man's mind, it seemed like an invisible sheild for the man. You've used quite simple language, I like it. The layout is nice too.
write on
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Hi there,
this one's an interesting poem. I like the way the narrator tells the events. But there are too many commas, some of which are not needed. It looks a bit odd. This seems like the tale of a young lady, who was betrayed by her loved one, and wants to take revenge now. There's no rhyme or rythm, and no specific pattern, still it's enjoyable.
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Hi there,
looks like you really miss your grandma now. She's somewhere with God, watching you from the stars. You've expressed the emotions well, and the lines are short, so no question of monotony. But the last line seems a bit odd as it is longer than the rest. Try to rephrase it.
overall, well written.
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Hi there,
I've always believed that true love can break any spell, even the spell of depression or sickness. In this poem you've shown how true love has helped you to re discover yourself. I love the imagery used here. I could visualize a happy couple sitting together on a swing as I read this. Great job!
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Hi there,
This one's a sweet tribute for you. I guess you two are quite good friends. And she's right, you really help people in need, and visits to your port are treats for me. I like the rhyming pattern and the nice rythm here. Only one correction, you're not yellow, you're blue now.
write on!
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Hi there,
I had to give this a perfect rating as this story illustrates my motto "Never give up". Being physically challenged, I know how hard it is to find my own path at times, and how important love is. So I enjoy being loved, and I enjoy spreading love too. This one is a great story!
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Hi there,
This one is a great journey into a child's mind. I love being with children, cause they help me to be simple, without any complexes or worries. But the mother seems a bit cruel here, you could have shown a loving mother instead. I like the characters, they are very lively.
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Hi there,
You have a very special child. There's his photo in your port, he's really adorable. He helps you to be a better parent everyday, in his own way. I've got a teacher with a six year old autistic kid. She's always so depressed about it. I think this article will inspire parents like her to think positively.
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At times it is wise to expect the unexpected. I like this story, it has a unique begining and a nice flow too. It is kinda dramatic, and has a flavor of suspense too.
write on
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Hi there,
this one's a very good poem about a betrayed witch and her plan to take revenge. I wish she could forgive her loved one instead. I liked the rythm here. Did you think of a tune for this one? It could be a great song too. Write on!
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Hi there,
is this a personal experience? You've described the situation so vividly, I really got into it as I read. I'm glad it was only a dream. Allugn this at the center, to make it look better. Elaborate it a bit if you want. Like maybe make her meet him face to face instead of being reflected.
write on!
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Hi there,
you've expressed the feelings of loosing a loved one in this poem. Though this is short, it is well laid out and I enjoyed reading it. A question mark is required at the last line. And at the sixth line, write thinking instead of think. Write on!
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Hi there,
This one's a beautiful poem for anyone you love. This one is intended for your sweetheart I guess, but anyone would feel happy if you recite this. This is a nice poem that shows how love or affection can affect our lives. Just need a full stop at the last line.
write on
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Hi there,
I think you were a bit depressed or sad when you wrote this. Hopes sustain life, so even after falling from a high mountain, one should at least try to rise up. Maybe in some countries (like mine) girls are not always like free birds, yet they are not caged either. I like the way you've expressed your feelings. Some little problems, like I should be capital letter, other than that, nice one.
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Hi there,
this one's very inspiring for novice poets like me. I don't think I write poetry so well, yet at times my words require a wheel called rythm. Your poem has an attractive layout, and it's precise so I believe everyone will enjoy this.
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Hi there,
This poem has a beautiful layout, though the font is a bit tiny. It describes God's glory in a different way. You can change the rating to 13 cause this doesn't seem so adult to me. It will be suitable for young people too. You've used rhetorical devices here, well written.
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Hi there,
Well, this was kinda scary. It has a nice flow, and has a little flavor of thriller, horror and supernatural in it. This is planned well, and nicely laid out. Though I think you should indent the paragraphs a little. Nice one, write on!
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Hi there,
Thanks for sharing this amusing children's story with us. Tom thumbe certainly was very sweet. I like the sequence of various events here. I wish tom would live a little longer. Maybe you could write a sequel to this too.
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Hi there,
This is a sweet poem for someone you held really close to your heart. I like every word here. You have expressed your feelings in a nice, precise way. Don't need to write the title in the poem's body, as it is already there. I enjoyed reading it.
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Hi there,
This is a really nice story, except for the fact that it has a very sad ending. I like Kirsten, she seemed to have so much talent and energy, but she just wasted all that for nothing. I'd like to see a happy ending here, the characters seem so depressed.
Write on
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