Oh good God!!! Really??? This is how I must start my day? Seriously???? Now my tummy hurts from laughing, my face has cracked in two and oh dear, my aching head!!!
This was excellent! Hard form too!!! Not one I care to try, although I do write pantoums occasionally! (And they aren't that much different!)
I liked, specifically how you used the words master, mistress and story! Not the expected--thank goodness!
I absolutely LOVE this concept for the site contest...the music has sent my mind a whirling!!! Fabulous new approach which hopefully will prompt many to enter! Only 'constructive' thought....I really had to search to find it and what this month's contest was...
Though no one would admit it, but behind the playful bantering at the time, I guarantee all were covetous of Howie’s ‘sure thing’… each of us steeped in subliminal fear when identifying with our equine counterparts; each secretly weighing the odds of even finishing, let alone of hitting the board when that(our) landing craft springs open across the Channel.
--would read better...
‘we kids’ <--pretty sure the quotes should only be around the word 'kids'
Here's a good one. apropo, being in Latin would be in italics...hmmma thought and in Latin....guess it is fine as is....my mind isn't awake enough for that conundrum! (Need more coffee)
littered with mangled corpses of beloved buddies of a bygone era.<<---three prepositional phrases in a row is a bit of a mouthful.<---I'd leave off the last one...
Oh I needed a giggle!!! Funny. I thought of doing something along these lines, double-thought that this was something YOU'd do--so I didn't! I went the opposite direction...mine requires WORK!
Of course you wrote a sonnet! I won my bet *grin* Odd picture--Dali meets Tim Burton on a really bad night! But I'm loving the 'write something every day' aspect of this allllmost as much as the Construct Cup! Speaking of which...next time round...I'm going to be judging/coming up with prompts!!! Now will I assign a sonnet? Guess time will tell, my friend... *grin*
I thought I'd return the favor. I liked this piece, but suggest you go through it and fix the numerous punctuational issues. i for I is a big one (guilty here, I do that too. You are missing a lot of the end periods, commas, possessive apostrophes etc., as well as beginning capitalization. I'd be happy to go through and edit it for you, if you like. That would increase the rating quite a bit!
This is why you should spend more time exploring non-formic poetry. This is excellent poetry...the images ...
The first faint glow of
eastern fire struggles to
find a purchase,
its delicate fingers
grasping at trees and rocks,
and this one especially...
The river, an obsidian sheen,
offers a distorted face with vacant eyes.
As I spend many hours every day reading my author's manuscripts, I rarely let myself get involved in a beginning of a novel here at WdC as I simply do not have the time. (Much as I would like to) but this grabbed and held on. I want to know more! I want to see what happens next!
This was really well written and you do the action scenes extremely well. Not easy. Well crafted.
This made me laugh and giggle and grin! A couple of suggestions...the extreme spacing is odd and makes reading harder. In the following: but I do not give up that easy.<----it should be easily, not easy.
Good job though! Humor is hard to write! I thoroughly enjoyed this piece!!!
Welcome to WdC, by the way! It truly IS the best place for writing on the web. If you have any questions, please feel free to shoot me an email
Fyn
Well written, a bit uncomfortable to read but that just meant it tugged!
What I found to be exceptional lines/sections
I liked the journey the main character experienced. She experimented, learned along the way.
Final thoughts
This was very different which made it fresh and new to me. It is interesting to read about folks from differing areas of the world and to see how an author will use these to show we are all not so different after all! Well done!
First of all, welcome to Writing.Com and I commend your jumping right in and getting involved!
Initial thoughts/impressions
I thought it to be an interesting premise, was shaking my head at the end and rolling my eyes at the character. Didn't know if I wanted to smack him, hug him or both! But then I was wondering if he was really that unaware of the world around him ... people do 'know' these things after all, unless, they've just been dropped on the planet unaware of social rules, etiquette and the like.
What I found to be exceptional lines/sections
It was funny in a 'poor, dumb schmuck' sort of way. I'll happily give you a for proofreading. You write well.
What needs work
One thing that was a major issue for me is the spacing issues with the paragraphs. Either spacing between paragraphs or at least, indenting the beginning of paragraphs is very important and allows for easier reading by your readers. (Preferably both)
Final thoughts
I am figuring the spacing/paragraph issues were due to your being a newbie here.One thing to note, even if you pop a piece of writing in from say, a word doc, you will still need to go over it. :) Learning curves!
Last thought... I will be meandering your port. I like the way you write!
Better person than I could ever be. But believable. Me, I'd never be so, ah, accommodating. I'd have been seriously considering a sharp knife and a screwed up parachute. Odder still, I recently wrote a sky-diving scene where the chute got fouled and the reserve opened a bit too close to the groud to be of much help.
This is good writing. You haven't lost your touch!!!
This was fun! A new form and one I must try soon!! It worked quite well for this. In reading through many of the poems in your 30 days of poetic responses to a pictured prompt, I enjoyed the fact that though I couldn't see the pictures/prompts, I honestly felt I didn't need to see them...which speaks volumes about your words, your craft, your talent to portray and paint with words! I wish I had time to spend (oh a week or so just to write would be heavenly) as several of your poems sparked the muse--this one in particular sent it soaring off on a short story idea I have no way/time to fly with with.
Favorite stanza, and the one that sent my muse aloft:
Its honor shows in moss and grime
and long lost odes in verse and rhyme
recalling battle glory days
when it stood proudly, in its prime.
Oh yeah! Well done!
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What needs work
for proofreading. You write well.