What are *your* goals for the new year? Think it over, write a letter and win big prizes! by Writing.Com Support
. Thanks for entering! I know it is all over and done with, and your entry was read and judged in time. However, my reviews are late and I am still posting reviews to all the entries because, in the long run, it is the writing that is important as well as the feedback.
Initial Impressions
Your letter reminded me of a poem by Edgar Guest:--part of which I'm includung here:
Somebody said that it couldn’t be done,
But, he with a chuckle replied
That "maybe it couldn’t," but he would be one
Who wouldn’t say so till he’d tried.
So he buckled right in with the trace of a grin
On his face. If he worried he hid it.
He started to sing as he tackled the thing
That couldn’t be done, and he did it.
There are thousands to tell you it cannot be done,
There are thousands to prophesy failure;
There are thousands to point out to you one by one,
The dangers that wait to assail you.
But just buckle it in with a bit of a grin,
Just take off your coat and go to it;
Just start to sing as you tackle the thing
That "couldn’t be done," and you’ll do it.
from Collected Verse of Edgar Guest
NY:Buccaneer Books, 1976, pg. 285
What I thought was particularly well done.
Attitude, honesty and zeal! It is all there along with a health dose of 'swift kick to backside' thinking!
What I thought could use some improvement.
Proof read! Typos are the bane of our existence, bu they do need dealing with!
Final Thoughts
Great letter....onward and upward! I remember the doctors giving my mom a 'one foot in the grave/one foot on a banana peel' sentence of 5 days, 5 weeks or 5 months. EIGHT years later she died of a totally non connected ailment.
Positive thoughts are proof positive of plodding along and getting the most we can out of life! *smiles*
What are *your* goals for the new year? Think it over, write a letter and win big prizes! by Writing.Com Support
. Thanks for entering! I know it is all over and done with, and your entry was read and judged in time. However, my reviews are late and I am still posting reviews to all the entries because, in the long run, it is the writing that is important as well as the feedback.
Initial Impressions
An honest voice with reality based goals and purpose!
What I thought was particularly well done.
A splinter in your mind...GREAT phrase!! LOVED IT!
What I thought could use some improvement.
Some of your goals/ideas are so well known to you that you forget that others reading may have to clue (ie; your comments are not accessible to) readers who are not as well versed in you as you are :)
Final Thoughts
Underwriter...in the states that translates as one who writes out insurance policies...doubt that is what you mean here???
What are *your* goals for the new year? Think it over, write a letter and win big prizes! by Writing.Com Support
. Thanks for entering! I know it is all over and done with, and your entry was read and judged in time. However, my reviews are late and I am still posting reviews to all the entries because, in the long run, it is the writing that is important as well as the feedback.
Initial Impressions
Good letter, good voice, good goals!
What I thought was particularly well done.
Loved the comments about your wife!!!
What I thought could use some improvement.
Tiny thing, but oh so important! Proof-read!!!
Final Thoughts
They say the devil is in the details...a perfectly good, well written piece of work will fail miserably if it isn't proofed well. Your thoughts you express are too important to be taken down by typos. But it is true that those 'tiny' details can detrail a readers train of thought!
What are *your* goals for the new year? Think it over, write a letter and win big prizes! by Writing.Com Support
. Thanks for entering! I know it is all over and done with, and your entry was read and judged in time. However, my reviews are late and I am still posting reviews to all the entries because, in the long run, it is the writing that is important as well as the feedback.
Initial Impressions
Good goals. I expect you are dynamite at dialog though, given your give and take with you, me, my, us, we etc!
What I thought was particularly well done.
The voice you chose was well executed. It was a fun letter to read.
What I thought could use some improvement.
Just a suggestion really, use an extra line between paragraphs, it is far easier to read online that way and will get you more readers. Many people won't read though a pice online that is all single spaced.
Final Thoughts
Good goals....and yes, reviewing is very important. Feedback is necessary for us to become better writers!
What are *your* goals for the new year? Think it over, write a letter and win big prizes! by Writing.Com Support
. Thanks for entering! I know it is all over and done with, and your entry was read and judged in time. However, my reviews are late and I am still posting reviews to all the entries because, in the long run, it is the writing that is important as well as the feedback.
Initial Impressions
While quitting smoking is a really big deal, the point of the contest was for writing goals.
What I thought could use some improvement.
You had tons of words you could have used, but chose not too...would have liked to see how you could use your writing and quitting to foster a sese of passing along the journey to others who are quitting. How you will use your writing in conjunction with it or anything else.
Final Thoughts
I would hate to think that the continued quitting was your only be all-end all goal. What will you do with the money you've saved? What rewards are you giving to you?
What are *your* goals for the new year? Think it over, write a letter and win big prizes! by Writing.Com Support
. Thanks for entering! I know it is all over and done with, and your entry was read and judged in time. However, my reviews are late and I am still posting reviews to all the entries because, in the long run, it is the writing that is important as well as the feedback.
Initial Impressions
One long 667 word paragraph a) shows little or no revision and b) it difficult for online readers to read.
What I thought could use some improvement.
Proofread! Lower case 'i's, Starting sentences with lower case letters. Be careful not to let texting type writing influence real writing. The two do not mesh well. Revision is all important whether in writing, figuring out goals or in daily existence!
Final Thoughts
Goals need to be realistic to be accomplished. 22 inch waist? Really? Don't rush through who you are as you did in writing this letter. Take care of the details, pay attention to them. They truly are important whether in your writing, your day to day goals or your expectations.
What are *your* goals for the new year? Think it over, write a letter and win big prizes! by Writing.Com Support
. Thanks for entering! I know it is all over and done with, and your entry was read and judged in time. However, my reviews are late and I am still posting reviews to all the entries because, in the long run, it is the writing that is important as well as the feedback.
Initial Impressions
The thing that stuck with me was the point about taking the grammar course. Good for you. Check with Winnie Kay She teaches a bunch of them here at wdc. An
What I thought was particularly well done.
The voice was super! The honesty shone through this!
What I thought could use some improvement.
Along with grammar something big is to spell check! When entering into a contest, you do not want any obvious errors! Example:if someone else thinks you have winner on your hands, trust them.<--- a winner
Publishers often won't read word one after coming across an error.
Final Thoughts
Good luck in following through...no butts about it!
What are *your* goals for the new year? Think it over, write a letter and win big prizes! by Writing.Com Support
. Thanks for entering!
Initial Impressions
I could 'hear' the voice of the guy who used to push Oxyclean (?) and I still expect a voice to come screaming out of my computer, "BUT WAIT! Accomplish your goals and we will include..."
What I thought was particularly well done.
Everything, all of it, EXCELLENT!
What I thought could use some improvement.
Not a single thing...
Final Thoughts
This one had me from beginning to end...and when you are reading 60+ entries, it is the ones that stand out that really STAND OUT! Well done!
What are *your* goals for the new year? Think it over, write a letter and win big prizes! by Writing.Com Support
. Thanks for entering! I know it is all over and done with, and your entry was read and judged in time. However, my reviews are late and I am still posting reviews to all the entries because, in the long run, it is the writing that is important as well as the feedback.
Initial Impressions
I think you put bunches of thought and vulnerability into this...but that was the easy part...now keep to it!
What I thought was particularly well done.
I liked the way it was organized
What I thought could use some improvement.
There were times i almost thought this was being written 'tongue in cheek' so to speak and that was a bit disconcerting as this was meant to be completely honest.
Final Thoughts
However, i also felt you used the allotted words well.
Write a short story in the given genre to win big prizes! by Writing.Com Support
with the December prompt being:
Nature
Must offer my apologies for the lengthy delay in my getting you your review, but I broke a bone in my hand and typing was one handed and all but impossible.
Thanks for entering!
Initial Impressions
Great picture, wonderful writing.
What I particularly liked.
Vanilla skies and crimson sun...you used the acrostic well and didn't limit yourself too much in the process.
What I think could use some work or revision.
The one thing is that in expressing a 'common' thought...once must, as a writer, strive to use words and phrases throughout that will shed new light, express the thought in consistently new and fresh ways.
Final Thoughts.
Given that i do not care for acrostic poetry, i must say that you did an admirable job in this and that i enjoyed it!!!
gps because i am so late in getting out my reviews.
Write a short story in the given genre to win big prizes! by Writing.Com Support
with the December prompt being:
Nature
Must offer my apologies for the lengthy delay in my getting you your review, but I broke a bone in my hand and typing was one handed and all but impossible.
Thanks for entering!
Initial Impressions
Hmmm...always loved our geese as a child, regardless of the mess! But i know there are many who don't like it much!
What I particularly liked.
I liked how the noise caused by the fox ended up making the poet happy...funny how things work out.
What I think could use some work or revision.
I noticed some grammatical errors within the poem...especially in the last stanza which makes them all the more noticeable.
Final Thoughts.
A fun read even if I disagree!
gps because i am so late in getting these reviews out.
Write a short story in the given genre to win big prizes! by Writing.Com Support
with the December prompt being:
Nature
Must offer my apologies for the lengthy delay in my getting you your review, but I broke a bone in my hand and typing was one handed and all but impossible.
Thanks for entering!
Initial Impressions
I am not a fan of the nonet poetry. That being said, I really liked this one!
What I particularly liked.
I loved the forgetting of Santa Clause.
What I think could use some work or revision.
I am not sure how/if there are restrictions of punctuation in this style, but i think that there would be an added benefit if there was some.
Final Thoughts.
I found myself wishing that you had taken this idea and expressed it in some other form of poetry that would have allowed you the freedom to truly express the scene without the restriction of syllables. The problem with this sort of poetry is that there is a higher degree of difficulty to present images in new ways and have them be clear.
GPs included due to the lateness of my getting out the review.
Write a short story in the given genre to win big prizes! by Writing.Com Support
with the December prompt being:
Nature
Must offer my apologies for the lengthy delay in my getting you your review, but I broke a bone in my hand and typing was one handed and all but impossible.
Thanks for entering!
Initial Impressions
I liked the concept of ' Mother'nature castigating the people --her children.
What I particularly liked.
I liked the beat and the rhyme scheme.
The 2 lines:You had your chance to work with me, to live in harmony,
But you chose the other path, and your final destiny.--were awesome!
What I think could use some work or revision.
I think there needs to be some punctuational revisions...for example in the line:
I create life you create death,
seems to need some separation. Also, no comma is needed after best in 3rd stanza. The switch in reference from you to our friend...should be 'my' I think.
Final Thoughts.
This is a poem with a lot of potential. Some revision could make this an exceeding powerful piece.
GPs are included due to my lateness in getting out the review.
Oh my gosh...shivers, goosebumps and yeah, even a tear! This was wonderful!!!! GREAT story!!! Layering, just a finely crafted piece of work! Well done!
Cute and that pic up top which is meandering its way around the web is perfect for this!!! Human chicken, eh? I remembering back when i was first learning to read and asking my folks what human chicken was at a Chinese place....I didn't know if we were supposed to eat scardy cat people or if it was half people or half chicken....i do remember telling my dad they spelled human wrong tho....my folks never did ever bring me back to a Chinese place again tho! lol
Oh! I LOVED this!!! I could see the whole dance unfolding...great rhythm and madness...
I think finger tips is one word not two tho I'm not positive....
My other 'wonder' was the repeat of 'panic in flight'..perhaps 'fled from my sight'...just a thought :) But still and all i loved it! :)
This is a good beginning, but it feels a bit rushed. The best way to counteract this would be to literally take each paragraph and expand upon it, additing descriptions. You are descriptive, but i know you can do more!!! Let us see her growth, the passage of time. When she thinks she is getting married, you refer to her as a tiny child, which confuses a bit.
Let us see more of why she is allowed to live, more about how she is different and yet accepted...as usually, the different one is not accepted, so we need to see why she is special.
Tell us more about the gifts she receives, what she thinks of them, how she reacts. Give us the tale of the universe.
On the flip side...I really liked:Should she be successful and learn, this child will be at the center of wars and reconciliations and will guide our people and many others to a new life. And the entire paragraph where she wears the purple robes.
As an entirety, this is a good beginning, it did capture my attention and does leave me wanting more. I am excited to see just what you do with this!!!
Use the quote provided to write a story and win big prizes! by Writing.Com Support
with the July prompt being:
"Share our similarities, celebrate our differences."~M. Scott Peck
Thanks for entering!
Initial Impressions
While I will allow that this piece was adhering to the contest rules, it felt forced to the quote rather than being inspired by it.
What I particularly liked.
Cannibals? That was a hoot.
What I think could use some work or revision.
Descent; not decent. there were numerous places that could have benefited from better use of punctuation.
You used 470 words out of the allotted 2000. You could have used these to give the reader a better look inside Jack. This would have been good as there needed to be more development to the man because one dream at night does not seem sufficient to change someone that completely; it would not reverse years of growing up within a certain mindset; thus it makes it seem forced.
Final Thoughts.
The underlying premise here was good. It just needed to be expanded upon, to give the reader more which, in turn, would make the point that much stronger.
Use the quote provided to write a story and win big prizes! by Writing.Com Support
with the July prompt being:
"Share our similarities, celebrate our differences."~M. Scott Peck
Thanks for entering!
Initial Impressions
I enjoyed this peek into the first day of kindergarten, and I found the application of the quote to the story to be well executed without seeming to over-power it.
What I particularly liked.
Loved this:her backpack made her feel like a turtle
and this: Lines—she hated lines. They interrupted. But that was ok. She could work around them. Colors were the important part.
What I think could use some work or revision.
Thought this phrase needed work; punctuation for clarity:The hallway was grey and hard echo-y
Final Thoughts.
I really enjoyed this, it left me with a smile; I always colored inside the lines, but when it came to a writing assignment, I never did!
Use the quote provided to write a story and win big prizes! by Writing.Com Support
with the July prompt being:
"Share our similarities, celebrate our differences."~M. Scott Peck
Thanks for entering!
Initial Impressions
Although i was initially tempted to read your entry first, I made myself wait and read it last. Firstly because I just love desserts and i knew for sure, this would be a treat. And it was worth the wait!
What I particularly liked.
Character development, the setting; everything was believable, so 'real' you could touch, taste and smell it. The emotions reverberated, the scenery was tangible.
What I think could use some work or revision.
Couldn't find any issues of the 'comma need here -- this spelled wrong' type at all.
Final Thoughts.
Awesome, well crafted write, very enjoyable read. It didn't feel forced to the quote, it was natual and unassuming and real. Well done!
I am a huge fan of Pantoums! Exceedingly difficult to write, and even more so to write well! And you did! Most folks do not appreciate the difficulty in choosing those initial lines and then having to use them again to mean something different. That and to have the poem circle round to the beginning at its end and have it work! Well crafted, a joy to read!
Oh! I thoroughly enjoyed this!!! Never much of one for gimmicky poetry--ala stuff like shape-poems. BUT this is an exception, for you just did it SO WELL! Absolutely amazing! Loved the salty tears part, and the being pulled to the ocean...i too am a bit like that, never being happier than when on or near the water, and feeling its pull when i am rooted, deeply, far from it.
Whoosh...the twist with the Father at the end caught me totally off guard! This has been such a pleasure reviewing your words...read far more than I reviewed....pretty much picked my way through your entire port, reading, musing, smiling, shivering, and yes, crying. You are an awesome writer, throughout each word crafted with finesse and skill. Bravo!
Okay, I'm sitting here in 80 degree Heat(!) covered in shivers and a tad teary eyed. A veteran myself, and both daughter and mother to one, this hit home bigtime! I was on the USS Ronald Reagan with my Navy daughter for a 4th of July celebration...strange mixture of pride tinged with sorrow. Excellent story, exceedingly well written and whether it did or not, a total winner!
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Initial Impressions
