Julie D - PUBLISHED!'s (geminipoet) Reviews

Julie D - PUBLISHED!

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682 Public Reviews Given

728 Total Reviews Given

1

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14 days may be credited.

#3684990

Review of Sea Goddess Poem

Review by Julie D - PUBLISHED!

In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP

Rated: ASR | N/A (Review only item.)

You were the winning bidder on Package #18 in "Luck Of The Irish Auction " . CONGRATULATIONS! This is review #2 of 2.

Hi Princess Megan Snow Rose

,
My name is Julie D - PUBLISHED!

and I'm reviewing your poem, "Sea Goddess Poem"

.

WHY I CHOSE TO REVIEW THIS ITEM:
You won the package I donated to the "Luck Of The Irish Auction "

, and this is one of the poems you asked me to review.

OVERALL SENSE:
This was such a cool poem. I love the beach, the ocean, and I find everything about the sea fascinating. I love to go snorkeling and explore. As I read through your poem, I was reminded of all of that...and how awesome would it be if there was a sea goddess?

CONVENTIONS:
This was written as a free-verse poem, which is one of my favorites. I enjoy it because there are not any strict forms or guidelines that you have to adhere to. You can simply write what you think and what you feel.

You start with a blank page, and can fill it however you choose. That is so empowering, isn't it?

Even though free-verse poetry does not require any rhyme or meter, I could still detect an excellent rhythm to this piece. You were able to provide structure and rhythm by your use of punctuation. Great job, Megan!

SPELLING/GRAMMAR:
I have a few things that I would like to note here.

"As a shining moon smiles down on the blue waters of the bay."

This is actually a fragment and not a whole sentence. Typically in poetry things like this don't matter, but since it is punctuated as a sentence, I thought I would mention it. If you would like to correct it, you could simply use an ellipsis, 3 periods ( ... ), at the end of the line. That would let your reader know that your thought is continued in the next line (or stanza, in this case).

"If only Captain Smith would have taken ice bergs icebergs seriously and obeyed the sea."

Icebergs is one word.

"Creatures of the sea and man kind mankind a like respect the ocean and owe the Sea Goddess thanks." Mankind is one word.

"as she protects the sea, it's its creatures and tries to keep the beautiful ocean safe for you and me!"

The possessive "it's" is not the correct usage here. It is short for it is or it has, which would not make sense in this line. You could, however, easily substitute his or her, which means that its is the correct form of the verb. I have more explanation of this in the last review that I just did for you. If you need more clarification, just let me know.

FAVORITE LINES:
"The Sea Goddess rules the waters of the land.
She provides food for men from the waters of the seas.
She stretches out her loving hand-
as she protects the sea, its creatures and tries to keep the beautiful ocean safe for you and me!"

Such beautifully sweet sentiments about the sea and the goddess who rules it. I adored these lines! They are the perfect ending to your poem.

SUGGESTIONS FOR IMPROVEMENT:
There are no other suggestions that I could offer for improvement, but I will leave you with one of the greatest pieces of literary advice I have ever received. That advice is that you should never consider a piece truly finished. Every so often you should revisit the item and make minor adjustments here and there.

I hope you don't mind. I mean no offense by the recommendations and corrections above. As a writer and reviewer yourself, you know that any suggestions I may have are given with the best intentions.

CONCLUSION:
I loved this poem from beginning to end. You did a wonderful job, Megan!

Thanks so much for sharing and keep up the good work! WRITE ON!!

NOTE: Please remember that the above comments and suggestions are only one person's opinion. Take what you can use but never be shy about discarding what you cannot. Most important of all, keep writing, improving, and contributing to our wonderful community!

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2

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#3678012

Review of Losing You 17 lines

Review by Julie D - PUBLISHED!

In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP

Rated: 13+

| (4.0)

This review is given on behalf of "SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP" . This item was selected as one of the reviews of the week in the "Simply Positive Review Forum " . CONGRATULATIONS!

Hi Yellow Rose

,
My name is Julie D - PUBLISHED!

and I am reviewing your poem, "Losing You 17 lines"

.

WHY I CHOSE TO REVIEW THIS ITEM:
Your poem is one of the selected reviews for this week - YAY!

I know you will receive a lot of wonderful, helpful, and extraordinarily positive reviews this week from other Simply Positive members. Enjoy it!

OVERALL SENSE:
It is hard not to feel the emotional loss when reading through this piece. We have all faced losing someone we love, for various reasons, so the pain is something each and every one of us can relate to.

CONVENTIONS:
I have always been a huge fan of Traditional (rhyming) poetry, so I like that this form has such a wonderful rhyme scheme. The use of rhymes in poetry gives it a rhythmic, almost lyrical, feel when the poem is read aloud. Sometimes it is difficult to write rhymes that don't feel as if they have been forced. You did a marvelous job of ensuring the rhymes feel natural. I enjoyed your aab rhyme scheme that you used throughout the piece. It has a nice flow to it, but I have some ideas that, I feel, may make it a bit smoother. I will list those below.

SPELLING/GRAMMAR:
I did not find any spelling errors - great job! However, your poem has no punctuation. Punctuation is a very personal choice for each and every poet. Some use it, but others do not. Technically, there is no right or wrong, but I do, however, feel that there are certain scenarios where punctuation can enhance a poem. It also makes for a smoother read as it makes your breaks in thought more clear to the reader. It helps adds emphasis in specific areas, too. For example, your first stanza is as follows:

"We have been through it all
Stood together then the fall
I finally realize I’m losing you"

As it is now, it can be difficult for the reader to determine pauses, especially in that second line. What if you were to add a little punctuation?

"We have been through it all ...
Stood together, then the fall.
I finally realize I’m losing you."

The punctuation makes it read differently, and gives your words more intensity. The reader has no doubt about how heavy your heart is over losing the one you love.

SUGGESTIONS FOR IMPROVEMENT:
I think the "17 lines" in your title can be removed. You have the line length noted at the bottom of your poem, so it isn't necessary to include it in your title. It may make the reader think it has something to do with the meaning behind your poem, which it does not.

My next suggestion is merely a personal preference. The rules of poetry have changed a bit. Years ago, every line had to begin with a capital letter. That is no longer a requirement in poetry. My suggestion would be to consider using lower-case to begin your lines, unless the previous line ended with a period. What you have is not wrong at all, this is absolutely at the poet's discretion. For me, personally, I feel that it makes for an easier read so I thought I would mention it.

There are no other suggestions that I could offer for improvement, but I will leave you with one of the greatest pieces of literary advice I have ever received. That advice is that you should never consider a piece truly finished. Every so often you should revisit the item and make minor adjustments here and there.

I hope you don't mind. I mean no offense by the recommendations and corrections above. As a writer and reviewer yourself, you know that any suggestions I may have are given with the best intentions.

CONCLUSION:
I am sure this was a difficult piece for you to write. I hope that it has helped you in the healing process.

Thanks so much for sharing and keep up the good work! WRITE ON!!

NOTE: Please remember that the above comments and suggestions are only one person's opinion. Take what you can use but never be shy about discarding what you cannot. Most important of all, keep writing, improving, and contributing to our wonderful community!

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3

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#3675206

Review of Why Am I?

Review by Julie D - PUBLISHED!

In affiliation with

Rated: E

| (5.0)

Hello Liam

!

I hope you are having a wonderful day, my friend.

I am reviewing your poem, "Why Am I?"

.

WHY I CHOSE TO REVIEW THIS ITEM:
You were kind enough to drop by my portfolio to review my Quill Award winning poem, and here I am returning the favor to review your Quill Award winning poem.

CONGRATULATIONS

on your well-deserved win! You know I am a huge fan of yours, so I was thrilled to see this poem win for "Best Medium Poem-Structured". I am truly honored that I received the Honorable Mention in this category, considering all of the outstanding poets like yourself that were nominated.

I am so happy for you, and quite proud of you, Liam!

By the way, did you know that this poem was listed as one of the "Editor's Picks" in one of the newsletters on Wednesday? Here is a link for you just in case you missed it, "Romance/Love Newsletter (February 29, 2012)"

. Way to go, Liam!

OVERALL SENSE:
I wanted to stand up an applaud after reading this poem! You have given a poetic voice to a something many of us struggle with. Personally, I am a religious person, but being a scientific-minded individual, I do ... question, for lack of a better way to put it. Let's face it, evolution has been scientifically-proven, so where does that leave the theory of creationism? That is an internal conflict that I try to come to terms with regularly. I choose to take the path of least resistance, by trying to keep church and science separate. Your poem really hit home with me, Liam. All of your points and questions that you have creatively outlined are the same/similar to my thoughts, feelings and emotions on this subject. As far as reaching your target audience, you nailed it with this poem, my friend!

CONVENTIONS:
Ahhh, you already know me well so you are aware of my love Traditional poetry!

While I enjoy all poetic forms, Traditional (rhyming) poetry has always held a special place within my heart. In my opinion, the rhythmic feel leaves one with a sense of peace and harmony when reading through such a melodic piece. Rhyming enhances the rhythm and overall flow of a piece, which is why I admire this particular form so much. I enjoyed your abaab rhyme scheme throughout this item. Sometimes it is difficult to write rhymes that don't feel as if they have been forced. You did a wonderful job of ensuring that the rhymes feel natural. This poem is a truly brilliant display of your incredible poetic talent. I found nothing that gave me pause while reading it. The meter of your piece is fantastic! Your use of enjambment throughout the piece is remarkable and fits the poem well.

SPELLING/GRAMMAR:
I am not even sure why I have this section. I do not need it when reviewing one of your items. Your spelling and grammar are impeccable! You take pride in your work, Liam, and it shows. Well done, my friend!

FAVORITE LINES:
"You speak a tongue that none can hear
and wear a face we cannot see.
And even though You may be near
Your message isn't always clear,
What is it that You want from me?"

I enjoyed the entire poem, but this stanza is the one that I could relate to the most. I read it several times and just thought to myself, "Wow, that's how I feel!"

SUGGESTIONS FOR IMPROVEMENT:
This is another section that I could have simply removed. There is a reason I am giving this poem 5

s, and that is because it is a poem far superior to many I have read. I will leave you with something that isn't actually a suggestion, it's more advice than anything else. It's one of the greatest pieces of literary guidance I have ever received. That advice is that you should never consider a piece truly finished. Every so often you should revisit the item and make minor adjustments here and there.

I hope you don't mind. I mean no offense by the recommendation above. As a writer and reviewer yourself, you know that any suggestions I may have are given with the best intentions.

CONCLUSION:
You have given our community the gift of your writing. With a piece like this, you have posed questions we all ask, coupled with the emotions and thoughts that plague many as we ponder our existence, as well as the way(s) in which we were created. Well done, Liam!

Thanks so much for sharing and keep up the good work! WRITE ON!!

NOTE: Please remember that the above comments and suggestions are only one person's opinion. Take what you can use but never be shy about discarding what you cannot. Most important of all, keep writing, improving, and contributing to our wonderful community!

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .

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4

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#3673038

Review of How Brother Nature got his name

Review by Julie D - PUBLISHED!

In affiliation with

Rated: 13+

| (4.5)

Hi Brother Nature

, fellow Rising Star!

My name is Julie D - PUBLISHED!

and I'm reviewing your poem, "How Brother Nature got his name"

.

WHY I CHOSE TO REVIEW THIS ITEM:
I selected this piece as one of my member-to-member reviews for "Random Thoughts and Cares"

. I have not yet had the privilege to review one of your items for Rising Stars. I'm happy to do so now.

OVERALL SENSE:
This was such a cute poem about how you got your name. Your wit, sense of humor and lighthearted nature shine through in this piece. I found myself smiling while I read it.

CONVENTIONS:
I have always been a huge fan of Traditional (rhyming) poetry, so I like that this form has such a wonderful rhyme scheme. The use of rhymes in poetry gives it a rhythmic, almost lyrical, feel when the poem is read aloud. Sometimes it is difficult to write rhymes that don't feel as if they have been forced. You did a marvelous job of ensuring the rhymes feel natural. I enjoyed your aabb rhyme scheme that you used throughout the piece. I found nothing that gave me pause while reading it.

SPELLING/GRAMMAR:
I have just one thing that I would like to note here. You have two instances in this poem where you use an ellipsis, which should be a sequence of three periods (…) indicating an omission in text. The ellipsis marks the omission of something, but it can also shows that your line/thought/idea continues. Each occurrence in your poem has more than the three periods.

FAVORITE LINES:
"I'm fading fast, and taking up time,
I'm going to crack a bottle of wine."

Joel, your a man after my own heart!

Nothing beats a nice glass of red wine once in a while.

SUGGESTIONS FOR IMPROVEMENT:
There are no other suggestions that I could offer for improvement, but I will leave you with one of the greatest pieces of literary advice I have ever received. That advice is that you should never consider a piece truly finished. Every so often you should revisit the item and make minor adjustments here and there.

I hope you don't mind. I mean no offense by any of the suggestions or corrections above. As a writer and reviewer yourself, you know that any suggestions I may have are given with the best intentions.

CONCLUSION:
This was such a great way to get to know you, and the origin of your name. You are not only a gifted writer, but you also have a fantastic sense of humor. I know where to go whenever I need some comic relief.

I hope you continue to reach for the stars as you attain your writing goals!

Thanks so much for sharing and keep up the good work! WRITE ON!!

NOTE: Please remember that the above comments and suggestions are only one person's opinion. Take what you can use but never be shy about discarding what you cannot. Most important of all, keep writing, improving, and contributing to our wonderful community!

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .

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5

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#3668622

Review of Unbelievable Theft: Stolen Life

Review by Julie D - PUBLISHED!

In affiliation with

Rated: 13+

| (4.0)

Hi BIG BAD WOLF is Merry

,
My name is Julie D - PUBLISHED!

and I am reviewing your short story, "Unbelievable Theft: Stolen Life"

.

WHY I CHOSE TO REVIEW THIS ITEM:
Based on our discussion earlier today, I offered to review several of your items due to some low ratings and/or poor reviews you have received recently. It always saddens me to hear of these types of reviews, or worse, a low rating with no review. I have been the recipient of a handful of those during my time here, so I know how disheartening it can be. I do not mind getting a low rating, as long as the reviewer can give me (1) the reason(s) why and (2) useful tips on how I may improve the piece. This is review number two. I hope you find it helpful.

OVERALL SENSE:
You have a wonderfully inventive imagination! I envy your ability for writing in the fantasy genre. Actually, I am a bit jealous of your story writing skill all together. I have tried to venture into that type of writing, and it hasn't turned out so well for me. I seem to have a knack for poetry, and blogging, so I will stick with those. Your story has a little bit of everything: magic, mystery, and a clever interpretation of the prompt. You captured my interest from the very beginning, and held it until the end of your story. Very well done!

SPELLING/GRAMMAR:
I have several things that I would like to note for you.

"Sure, George, Jose Mingal stole your life."

Since George is being addressed, a comma is needed before and after his name, so a comma is needed after the word "sure".

"I am George Sanchez, a well-known writer of ten books, with a wife of nine years, and father of two boys and a girl, with a fourth child on the way."

The words "well" and "known" need to be hyphenated because they are both describing "writer". Also, this sentence is a run on, and the syntax isn't quite right. As it reads now, it sounds like the girl has a child on the way. What if you were to turn it into two different sentences and make some minor adjustments? Something like, "I am George Sanchez, a well-known writer of ten books, with a wife of nine years. I am the father of two boys and a girl, and have a fourth child on the way."

SUGGESTIONS FOR IMPROVEMENT:
Have you considered using some WritingML to enhance your story? Even something as minor as a different font can really make your piece stand out.

There are no other suggestions that I could offer for improvement, but I will leave you with one of the greatest pieces of literary advice I have ever received. That advice is that you should never consider a piece truly finished. Every so often you should revisit the item and make minor adjustments here and there.

I hope you don't mind. I mean no offense by any of the suggestions or corrections above. As a writer and reviewer yourself, you know that any suggestions I may have are given with the best intentions.

CONCLUSION:
This is another great story that I thoroughly enjoyed reading. I hope that my recommendations will help you with your writing endeavors.

Thanks so much for sharing and keep up the good work! WRITE ON!!

NOTE: Please remember that the above comments and suggestions are only one person's opinion. Take what you can use but never be shy about discarding what you cannot. Most important of all, keep writing, improving, and contributing to our wonderful community!

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .

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6

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#3668505

Review of Dragon's Eyes

Review by Julie D - PUBLISHED!

In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army

Rated: 18+

| (4.0)

Hi BIG BAD WOLF is Merry

,
My name is Julie D - PUBLISHED!

and I am reviewing your interactive chapter, "The begining"

for "Dragon's Eyes"

.

WHY I CHOSE TO REVIEW THIS ITEM:
Through a discussion we had, you mentioned that you were the recipient of some low ratings where reviewers either did not provide a review, or they did not provide a helpful one. While I understand that, occasionally, an item may warrant a low rating, a reviewer should always back up their rating with a kind, constructive review that will help the writer improve their craft. Otherwise, we will never learn what we did wrong and/or cultivate our skills as writers. Bad reviews do nothing but crush a person's hopes and, let's face it, writers are emotional individuals. A bad review does an extreme disservice to both the writer, and WDC. I hope you realize that there are good reviewers around here. The bad ones are few and far between so, my advice to you is to forget those reviews.

That being said, after our conversation earlier, I offered to review several of your pieces to provide my insight, and to assist you in any way I can. This is review number one. I hope you like it.

OVERALL SENSE:
It is difficult to review an interactive story due to the nature of them (i.e., numerous individuals adding to them), I will only be reviewing this chapter as it is one you wrote.

You have the start of a great story here. I enjoyed the premise of it, and the twist that it took - and this is only the first chapter!

Call me selfish, but with such a great start to a story, I don't think I would have done an interactive. I think I would have written the entire piece myself from beginning to end!

SPELLING/GRAMMAR:
I have several things that I would like to mention here.

"...the well-known knight and dragon-slayer Sir Eric."

You need to hyphenate "well-known" because it is a compound modifier, where both words are used in order to describe "knight".

"If it wern't weren't for the fact that I swore an outh oath to not harm the defensless defenseless I'd kill that Mayor for his little condition."

This line has three misspelled words, which I have noted in bold.

"Eric said, raising his sheild shield slightly."

The word "shield" is not spelled correctly. I have noted the correction in bold.

"In fact, I plan to let you live, and experiance experience life as a dragon."

Please note the incorrect spelling of the word "experience".

SUGGESTIONS FOR IMPROVEMENT:
I have a suggestion for the last line of this chapter. It needs some type of end punctuation. I would suggest using a space followed by an ellipsis (...) so that it would read "Suddenly, Eric felt himself being pulled towards ...". The ellipsis marks the omission of something, but also shows that your story continues. It alludes to a continuation, a cliff hanger, if you will, and let's your reader know that something great is on the horizon.

My other suggestion would be to consider using the spell check feature the site offers. I'm not sure how you typically do your writing. I typically type them up in Microsoft Word and use the spell check there as well. Then I copy/paste the item into my portfolio. On another note, if you are currently using Internet Explorer, you could consider an alternative like Google Chrome. Google Chrome has an amazing spell check feature, where it notes misspelled words as you type them!

There are no other suggestions that I could offer for improvement, but I will leave you with one of the greatest pieces of literary advice I have ever received. That advice is that you should never consider a piece truly finished. Every so often you should revisit the item and make minor adjustments here and there.

I hope you don't mind. I mean no offense by any of the suggestions or corrections above. As a writer and reviewer yourself, you know that any suggestions I may have are given with the best intentions.

CONCLUSION:
I enjoyed the uniqueness of this story, and I do hope that you found my adjustments helpful. You have the start of an amazing story that simply needs a little tender loving care.

Thanks so much for sharing and keep up the good work! WRITE ON!!

NOTE: Please remember that the above comments and suggestions are only one person's opinion. Take what you can use but never be shy about discarding what you cannot. Most important of all, keep writing, improving, and contributing to our wonderful community!

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .

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Please visit my guestbook. Stop in, say hi, let me know if you liked a particular review and/or ask me to review another item or re-review something you've updated.

Invalid Item
This item number is not valid.
#1771417 by Not Available.

I wrote my letter from home to support our troops, "Invalid Item" . Have you written your "Letter from Home" ?

Follow the random at "Invalid Item" , which won 1st Place in Round 1 of the "30-Day Blogging Challenge ON HIATUS"

!

Find out what makes me tick in "Invalid Item" .

Check out some of my gems in "Invalid Item" !

7

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#3668302

Review of Dear Me (2012)

Review by Julie D - PUBLISHED!

In affiliation with I.N.K.E.D.

Rated: ASR

| (5.0)

This review is brought to you by "Invalid Item"

through "Invalid Item"

Hi Jeff

,
My name is Julie D - PUBLISHED!

and I am reviewing your winning entry in the "Dear Me: Official WDC Contest"

, "Dear Me (2012)"

. There were a lot of excellent entries submitted for the contest. The judges had quite a difficult task, but I agree with their choices. If I had been judging, I would have selected your letter as my favorite as well.

WHY I CHOSE TO REVIEW THIS ITEM:
You have had quite a big week! You're 9th WDC birthday and your 1st Place win in the "Dear Me: Official WDC Contest"

. I am here with a review to offer my CONGRATULATIONS on both of those wonderful achievements.

I would also like to take this opportunity to officially welcome you to the ranks of "Invalid Item"

leadership. I know I am a little behind on that one, though.

Sorry about that.

OVERALL SENSE:
This is an amazing, inspirational letter to not only you, but also to anyone who happens to read it. Your humor, and the lighthearted nature of this piece, make for a playful read on a very serious subject matter. Too many times we put our writing goals on the back burner as everyday life steps in, and must take priority. While that will always take precedence, we need to make the time for our writing endeavors. If we don't, we simply continue putting it off until, eventually, it has been weeks (or sometimes months

) since we have written a piece. Your whimsical letter is a poignant reminder that, no matter what life throws our way, we still need to make the time to write. Our writing goals are just as important as any other goals we have in life.

SPELLING/GRAMMAR:
There is one thing that I would like to mention. It is not a huge deal because your letter reads fine as it is, but I still wanted to note it.

"As long as you pace yourself, that's an incredible opportunity to learn, appreciate, and enjoy the craft of writing as presented by others."

This is a fragment, and not a complete sentence. As I stated, it reads fine this way, and I feel that it works well within the context of your letter. If, and that's a big IF, you wanted to revise it, you may consider something like, "As long as you pace yourself, it's an incredible opportunity to learn, appreciate, and enjoy the craft of writing as presented by others."

FAVORITE LINES:
Your letter was so good that it was extremely difficult for me to choose my favorite lines. I enjoyed the creativity and fun of the whole letter, but your note at the bottom had me cracking up laughing so, I would have to say that is my favorite part.

SUGGESTIONS FOR IMPROVEMENT:
I cannot think of a single thing that would improve this letter to yourself. If I could give it more than 5

's, I would.

CONCLUSION:
You have an extraordinary outline of your 2012 writing goals. Now go get them! I wish you all the best, and I know that you can do this. Best of luck to you! Hey, if you have time, can you write a "Dear Julie" letter to get me motivated?

Thanks so much for sharing and keep up the good work! WRITE ON!!

NOTE: Please remember that the above comments and suggestions are only one person's opinion. Take what you can use but never be shy about discarding what you cannot. Most important of all, keep writing, improving, and contributing to our wonderful community!

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .

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#3666379

Review of Incomplete

Review by Julie D - PUBLISHED!

In affiliation with Newbie Help And Support Group

Rated: E

| (4.5)

Welcome to WDC from "Newbie Welcome Wagon" and "Newbie Help And Support Group" !

Hi horizon

,
Welcome to writing.com! We are so happy to have you here. If you have any questions, please don't hesitate to ask.

My name is Julie D - PUBLISHED!

and I'm reviewing your poem, "Incomplete"

.

WHY I CHOSE TO REVIEW THIS ITEM:
This poem came up under "Read a Newbie". Your title intrigued me, but your brief description is what sealed the deal.

OVERALL SENSE:
We all hit those rough patches in life where we tend to analyze the "what ifs" and the should have/could have/would haves. Your poem made me reflect on the times in my life when I questioned some of my choices, and the decisions I have made along the way. While I have made mistakes, I would not change any of them. If it had not been for them, I would not be the person I am today. And I think I turned out all right.

CONVENTIONS:
Most poets use specific forms and conventions to suit their own purposes, and create their own unique poetic style. Your use of Traditional (rhyming) poetry gives this a rhythmic, almost lyrical, feel when the poem is read aloud. I enjoyed your abab rhyme scheme throughout this item. Sometimes it is difficult to write rhymes that don't feel as if they have been forced. You did a wonderful job of ensuring the rhymes feel natural. I found nothing that gave me pause while reading it. Excellent use of vocabulary also! The meter of your piece is exceptional because you kept your syllable count similar throughout the poem.

SPELLING/GRAMMAR:
You did an excellent job here. I found no errors. It is wonderful to see writers who put so much time and effort into their work, and presenting a flawless, error-free piece for all of us to read and enjoy.

FAVORITE LINES:
"Future worries stole our present,
Dreams and plans and anxieties;
Ruining many a beautiful moment,
Moments that could’ve made memories."

These lines are so poignant and really hit home with me. Well done!

SUGGESTIONS FOR IMPROVEMENT:
This is merely a personal preference, but something I wanted to point out anyway. The rules of poetry have changed a bit. Years ago, every line had to begin with a capital letter. That is no longer a requirement in poetry. My suggestion would be to consider using lower-case to begin your lines, unless the previous line ended with a period. What you have is not wrong at all, this is absolutely at the poet's discretion. For me, personally, I feel that it makes for an easier read so I thought I would mention it.

There are no other suggestions that I could offer for improvement, but I will leave you with one of the greatest pieces of literary advice I have ever received. That advice is that you should never consider a piece truly finished. Every so often you should revisit the item and make minor adjustments here and there.

I hope you don't mind. I mean no offense by the suggestion above. As a writer and reviewer yourself, you know that any suggestions I may have are given with the best intentions.

CONCLUSION:
I'm sure this was a difficult piece for you to write, but I hope it has helped you in the healing process. Writing is a wonderful creative outlet to vent our feelings and emotions, both good and bad.

Thanks so much for sharing and keep up the good work! WRITE ON!!

NOTE: Please remember that the above comments and suggestions are only one person's opinion. Take what you can use but never be shy about discarding what you cannot. Most important of all, keep writing, improving, and contributing to our wonderful community!

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .

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#3664886

Review of Lovesong

Review by Julie D - PUBLISHED!

In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP

Rated: E

| (4.0)

This review is given on behalf of "SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP" . This item was selected as one of the reviews of the week in the "Simply Positive Review Forum " . CONGRATULATIONS!

Hi David Cooke

,
My name is Julie D - PUBLISHED!

and I'm reviewing your poem, "Lovesong"

.

OVERALL SENSE:
Every woman wants someone who will write her love songs and/or poetry. That is something that will make a girl swoon. This poem is the perfect example of the "show don't tell" fundamental of writing. You eloquently demonstrate your thoughts and emotions, as well as the depth of the love you feel for the very special someone in your life.

SPELLING/GRAMMAR:
The title of this piece should actually be two words. Also, your brief description says "a longsong". Should that be love song?

This was the one area that I got a bit hung up. There is very little punctuation. This is classified as a poem, but I think these are really song lyrics, is that correct? Either way, the use of punctuation is not necessarily required, but it can help determine breaks in thought, pauses, and another other area you may want to stress more so than another. Technically, there is no right or wrong as far as punctuation goes. It is a very personal choice, and can be used/not used at the writer's discretion. I simply wanted to note this as your reader (audience).

FAVORITE LINES:
"My angel without wings. My perfect melody"

These are such beautifully sweet sentiments. This was the part that really made me think, "Awwwww ...".

SUGGESTIONS FOR IMPROVEMENT:
There are no other suggestions that I could offer for improvement, but I will leave you with one of the greatest pieces of literary advice I have ever received. That advice is that you should never consider a piece truly finished. Every so often you should revisit the item and make minor adjustments here and there.

I hope you don't mind. I mean no offense by the suggestion above. As a writer and reviewer yourself, you know that any suggestions I may have are given with the best intentions.

CONCLUSION:
I could feel the passion, love and even desperation, in your words. Your poem is absolutely awesome! It made me think of that wondrous feeling when you look at the one you love, and the world just seems to...stop. In that moment, your breath catches, your heart flutters and you believe you are the luckiest person in the world because you are lucky in love.

Thanks so much for sharing and keep up the good work! WRITE ON!!

NOTE: Please remember that the above comments and suggestions are only one person's opinion. Take what you can use but never be shy about discarding what you cannot. Most important of all, keep writing, improving, and contributing to our wonderful community!

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .

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#3664836

Review of Sparrow

Review by Julie D - PUBLISHED!

In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP

Rated: E

| (4.0)

This review is given on behalf of "SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP" . This item was selected as one of the reviews of the week in the "Simply Positive Review Forum " . CONGRATULATIONS!

Hi April Desiree-I'm back!

,
My name is Julie D - PUBLISHED!

and I'm reviewing your poem, "Sparrow"

.

OVERALL SENSE:
This is a truly wonderful poem. It teaches a very valuable life lesson about overcoming obstacles, and coming back stronger than you were before!

CONVENTIONS:
As with other poetic techniques, poets use specific forms and conventions to suit their own purposes. Your use of Traditional (rhyming) poetry gives this a rhythmic, almost lyrical, feel when the poem is read aloud. I enjoyed your aabb rhyme scheme throughout this item. There was only one area that gave me pause, and that was your line that ends with the word "fountain". I realize you needed to rhyme with the line above, but this line does not seem to fit with the rest of the piece. Since the use of "mountain" in the line above limits your choices for a rhyme, perhaps you could change "mountain" to "hill", and then adjust the last line of the fourth stanza?

SPELLING/GRAMMAR:
Your spelling is great - I found no errors! Your poem has very minimal punctuation. Punctuation is a very personal choice for each and every poet. Some use it, but others do not. Technically, there is no right or wrong, but I do, however, feel that there are certain scenarios where additional punctuation can enhance a poem. It also makes for a smoother read as it makes your breaks in thought more clear to the reader. It helps adds emphasis in specific areas, too.

FAVORITE LINES:
"Yet the little sparrow still wishes she could just sit in a tree
But she is at peace and she knows that from this place she'll never flee"

These lines end your poem well. My heart broke a little for this poor, little sparrow, but it's nice to know she's at peace.

SUGGESTIONS FOR IMPROVEMENT:
I have one suggestion, and this is merely a personal preference. The rules of poetry have changed a bit. Years ago, every line had to begin with a capital letter. That is no longer a requirement in poetry. My suggestion would be to consider using lower-case to begin your lines, unless the previous line ended with a period. What you have is not wrong at all, this is absolutely at the poet's discretion. For me, personally, I feel that it makes for an easier read so I thought I would mention it.

There are no other suggestions that I could offer for improvement, but I will leave you with one of the greatest pieces of literary advice I have ever received. That advice is that you should never consider a piece truly finished. Every so often you should revisit the item and make minor adjustments here and there.

I hope you don't mind. I mean no offense by the suggestion above. As a writer and reviewer yourself, you know that any suggestions I may have are given with the best intentions.

CONCLUSION:
Although this poem pulls at the heartstrings, it really does send a message that even the biggest obstacles can be overcome.

Thanks so much for sharing and keep up the good work! WRITE ON!!

NOTE: Please remember that the above comments and suggestions are only one person's opinion. Take what you can use but never be shy about discarding what you cannot. Most important of all, keep writing, improving, and contributing to our wonderful community!

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .

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14 days may be credited.

#3661533

Review of How can this be?

Review by Julie D - PUBLISHED!

In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP

Rated: 13+

| (3.5)

This review is given on behalf of "SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP" . This item was selected as one of the reviews of the week in the "Simply Positive Review Forum " . CONGRATULATIONS!

Hi oh my

,
My name is Julie D - PUBLISHED!

and I'm reviewing your item, "How can this be?"

.

OVERALL SENSE:
This was an interesting, philosophical take on the ups and downs of life.

CONVENTIONS:
This is written in such a way that I cannot decide whether to call it poetry, prose or something else entirely. As such, it is difficult to speak to any type of conventional form.

SPELLING/GRAMMAR:
I found no errors.

SUGGESTIONS FOR IMPROVEMENT:
My only suggestion would be to truly define what this item is, and structure it accordingly. My guess is that you intended this to be a poem. If that is the case, you can break out your lines. For example:

"How can it be in this place that is nurture,
this place that is solace,
this place that sustains?"

When your lines are more defined, more concise, it makes for an easier read. My example above would also be an excellent use of enjambment.

There are no other suggestions that I could offer for improvement, but I will leave you with one of the greatest pieces of literary advice I have ever received. That advice is that you should never consider a piece truly finished. Every so often you should revisit the item and make minor adjustments here and there.

I hope you don't mind. I mean no offense by the suggestion above. As a writer and reviewer yourself, you know that any suggestions I may have are given with the best intentions.

CONCLUSION:
Thanks so much for sharing and keep up the good work! WRITE ON!!

NOTE: Please remember that the above comments and suggestions are only one person's opinion. Take what you can use but never be shy about discarding what you cannot. Most important of all, keep writing, improving, and contributing to our wonderful community!

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .

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#3657934

Review of Life 3

Review by Julie D - PUBLISHED!

In affiliation with Rising Stars of WdC

Rated: 13+

| (4.0)

Hi Dr Matticakes Myra

, fellow Rising Star!

My name is Julie D - PUBLISHED!

and I'm reviewing your poem, "Life 3"

.

WHY I CHOSE TO REVIEW THIS ITEM:
I selected this piece as one of my member-to-member reviews for "Random Thoughts and Cares"

. I have not yet had the privilege to review one of your items. I'm happy to do so now.

OVERALL SENSE:
Secrets really are a necessary evil, aren't they?

While there will always been some things that are better left unsaid, keeping too many things to ourselves can be self-destructive. If they are locked away deep inside, it will eat away at our conscience and do more harm than good, in the long run. Your poem eloquently puts those very sentiments into poetic form. Great job!

CONVENTIONS:
This is a rather unique twist on Traditional (rhyming) poetry. I like that you mixed up your rhyme scheme, and even had it different from stanza to stanza. What a creative way to change it up!

While I enjoy all poetic forms, Traditional (rhyming) poetry has always held a special place within my heart. In my opinion, the rhythmic feel leaves one with a sense of peace and harmony when reading through such a melodic piece. Rhyming enhances the rhythm and overall flow of a piece, which is why I admire this particular form so much.

SPELLING/GRAMMAR:
There are just a few things here that I would like to note.

"An on going war tale."

The word "on going" should be one word, "ongoing". The punctuation at the end of this line can either be omitted all together, or changed to a comma. As it stands, it is not a complete sentence, so the period is not the correct punctuation. Both of these, the word and the punctuation, should also be changed in the third line of your fourth stanza.

"A gental gentle whisper passes it on.,"

The word "gental" is spelled "gentle". Also, this line is continued in the line below it, so your punctuation should be adjusted accordingly.

"The daring secrets of anothers another's strife."

The word "another's" is a possessive of the word "strife" so there should be an apostrophe.

"Fearing the secrets the rule in life.

If you read this line aloud, you'll notice that is doesn't quite read properly. You can keep the line the way it is, and simply add a comma after the word "secrets". You could also modify it slightly instead, so that it would read, "Fearing the secrets that rule life" or Fearing the secrets that rule in life."

You have two instances of the word "privet" in your poem. It is in the first line of your second stanza, and the second line of your fourth stanza. I believe a privet is a type of shrub, which would make sense within the context of this poem. Did you mean to use the word "private" instead of "privet"?

FAVORITE LINES:
"A gentle whisper passes it on,
The daring secrets of another's strife."

These lines really capture the essence of the piece, which is why they are my favorite lines.

SUGGESTIONS FOR IMPROVEMENT:
In addition to what I have noted above, I also have one other suggestion, and this is merely a personal preference. The rules of poetry have changed a bit. Years ago, every line had to begin with a capital letter. That is no longer a requirement in poetry. My suggestion would be to consider using lower-case to begin your lines, unless the previous line ended with a period. What you have is not wrong at all, this is absolutely at the poet's discretion. For me, personally, I feel that it makes for an easier read so I thought I would mention it.

There are no other suggestions that I could offer for improvement, but I will leave you with one of the greatest pieces of literary advice I have ever received. That advice is that you should never consider a piece truly finished. Every so often you should revisit the item and make minor adjustments here and there.

I hope you don't mind. I mean no offense by the suggestions above. As a writer and reviewer yourself, you know that any suggestions are given with the best intentions.

CONCLUSION:
I really enjoyed reading your poem. It was a wonderful piece, and I look forward to reading more of your work.

I hope this new year has you reaching for the stars as you attain your writing goals!

Thanks so much for sharing and keep up the good work! WRITE ON!!

NOTE: Please remember that the above comments and suggestions are only one person's opinion. Take what you can use but never be shy about discarding what you cannot. Most important of all, keep writing, improving, and contributing to our wonderful community!

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .

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14 days may be credited.

#3657871

Review of HOPELESS HAPPINESS

Review by Julie D - PUBLISHED!

In affiliation with Rising Stars of WdC

Rated: E

| (4.5)

Hi Itchy Water~fictionandverse

, fellow Rising Star!

My name is Julie D - PUBLISHED!

and I'm reviewing your poem, "HOPELESS HAPPINESS"

.

WHY I CHOSE TO REVIEW THIS ITEM:
I selected this piece as one of my member-to-member reviews for "Random Thoughts and Cares"

. I have not yet had the privilege to review one of your items. I'm happy to do so now.

OVERALL SENSE:
This is an extremely emotive poem, that made my heart just break for you. You already know that I think the world of you, my dear.

I want you to have the happiness that you so deserve. You are an amazing person, and I absolutely adore you. I hope you know how wonderful you are.

Knowing you the way I do, though, I am sure you wrote this as a creative outlet for your emotions. That is one of the most amazing gifts that writing has to offer us. We can "vent" so that we don't have to keep things bottled up inside.

CONVENTIONS:
Traditional poetry but not in the traditional sense. Mixing up your rhyme scheme keeps the reader on their toes and puts a unique spin on this poetic form. As with other poetic techniques, poets use specific forms and conventions to suit their own purposes. Your use of Traditional (rhyming) poetry gives this a rhythmic, almost lyrical, feel when the poem is read aloud. I enjoyed your abcb rhyme scheme throughout this item. Sometimes it is difficult to write rhymes that don't feel as if they have been forced. You did a wonderful job of ensuring the rhymes feel natural, effortless. I found nothing that gave me pause while reading it. Your end-rhymes perfectly match. Your meter is just as I have come to expect from you - outstanding!

SPELLING/GRAMMAR:
I really should remove this entire section when I'm reviewing my fellow Rising Stars because it is simply not needed.

Your spelling and grammar are excellent, which I have come to expect from all the amazingly-talented

's. Taking pride in your writing and setting a fine example for the community, showing them where the distinction is that separates good writing from great writing. Very well done!

FAVORITE LINES:
"Where is the place of my happiness?
Does it hide in the midst of madness?"

This is an excellent start to your poem. You grab the reader's attention and keep them enthralled throughout the whole piece. Great job!

SUGGESTIONS FOR IMPROVEMENT:
I have one suggestion and this is merely a personal preference. The rules of poetry have changed a bit. Years ago, every line had to begin with a capital letter. That is no longer a requirement in poetry. My suggestion would be to consider using lower-case to begin your lines, unless the previous line ended with a period. What you have is not wrong at all, this is absolutely at the poet's discretion. For me, personally, I feel that it makes for an easier read so I thought I would mention it.

There are no other suggestions that I could offer for improvement, but I will leave you with one of the greatest pieces of literary advice I have ever received. That advice is that you should never consider a piece truly finished. Every so often you should revisit the item and make minor adjustments here and there.

I hope you don't mind. I mean no offense by the suggestion above. As a writer and reviewer yourself, you know that any suggestions are given with the best intentions.

CONCLUSION:
This is a marvelous piece of writing. I hope writing about it has helped you to deal with the pain you feel. I also wish you so much love and happiness. Always remember how truly wonderful you are.

I hope this new year has you reaching for the stars as you attain your writing goals!

Thanks so much for sharing and keep up the good work! WRITE ON!!

NOTE: Please remember that the above comments and suggestions are only one person's opinion. Take what you can use but never be shy about discarding what you cannot. Most important of all, keep writing, improving, and contributing to our wonderful community!

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .

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Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#3657577

Review of I Will See You Again

Review by Julie D - PUBLISHED!

In affiliation with Newbie Help And Support Group

Rated: E

| (4.5)

Welcome to WDC from "Newbie Welcome Wagon" and "Newbie Help And Support Group" !

Hi Clayton Williams

,
Welcome to writing.com! We are so happy to have you here. If you have any questions, please don't hesitate to ask.

My name is Julie D - PUBLISHED!

and I'm reviewing your poem, "I Will See You Again"

. Before I begin my review, I would like to personally thank you for your service to our country. I am truly grateful. From the bottom of my heart, I thank you.

WHY I CHOSE TO REVIEW THIS ITEM:
Your poem popped up under "Read a Newbie". The title intrigued me, but your brief description is what really sealed the deal. When I saw that, I could not pass up the opportunity to read this beautiful poem.

You certainly did a great job on the title and teaser line.

All too often, writers tend to forget the importance of these two areas. They are what the reader sees first and, if they do not pique the reader's interest, why would they bother reading it in the first place? Your creative title and intriguing description were right, I mean, write on!

OVERALL SENSE:
This poem certainly pulls at the heartstrings. I have many friends in the military. One just returned from Iraq, and I have several friends still in Afghanistan. It's so difficult to see them leave, and even more difficult to think of all of the "what if" scenarios. There is always a huge sigh of relief when they return home safely. I have had numerous conversations with them over the years about how they feel about it all. One of the things that truly scares them is the possibility of not coming home. Based on those conversations, I feel that your poem truly captures the essence of a soldier's feelings about it. Thank you for taking the time to put those thoughts and emotions into poetic form. I will be sharing this with the soldier's I know.

CONVENTIONS:
As with other poetic techniques, poets use specific forms and conventions to suit their own purposes. Your use of Traditional (rhyming) poetry gives this a rhythmic, almost lyrical, feel when the poem is read aloud. I enjoyed your aabb rhyme scheme throughout this item. Sometimes it is difficult to write rhymes that don't feel as if they have been forced. You did a wonderful job of ensuring the rhymes feel natural, even those that are not exact (or hard) rhymes. The other near (or soft) rhymes are an excellent use of poetic license! I found nothing that gave me pause while reading it. The meter of your piece is exceptional.

SPELLING/GRAMMAR:
I have just a few minor things that I would like to note here.

"I will keep you warm with love entwined, stitched like a sweater;."

There should be a comma after the word "entwined". Also, this sentence is a complete thought. You could remove the semi-colon and simply put a period at the end. There are other instances of this in each of your stanzas. When you have the time, read through it aloud. When you come across the lines that can stand alone, you can change your end punctuation to a period.

"Never forget the battles I had fought;"

The word "had" is not needed in this line. Removing it would also keep with the tense you have used throughout this piece.

FAVORITE LINES:
"I have checked into your heart for a permanent stay,
Even though I am a world away."

These lines say so much with so few words. In a highly emotive poem like this, these lines are the most emotional.

SUGGESTIONS FOR IMPROVEMENT:
I have one suggestion and this is merely a personal preference. The rules of poetry have changed a bit. Years ago, every line had to begin with a capital letter. That is no longer a requirement in poetry. My suggestion would be to consider using lower-case to begin your lines, unless the previous line ended with a period. What you have is not wrong at all, this is absolutely at the poet's discretion. For me, personally, I feel that it makes for an easier read so I thought I would mention it.

There are no other suggestions that I could offer for improvement, but I will leave you with one of the greatest pieces of literary advice I have ever received. That advice is that you should never consider a piece truly finished. Every so often you should revisit the item and make minor adjustments here and there.

I hope you don't mind. I mean no offense by the suggestion above. As a writer and reviewer yourself, you know that any suggestions are given with the best intentions.

CONCLUSION:
This was a great read. It is one of those hidden gems that will stay with me for quite some time. The depth of feelings and emotions are conveyed so well in this piece. I'm sure this was a difficult poem to pen, but I hope it helped you come to terms with something so difficult.

Thanks so much for sharing and keep up the good work! WRITE ON!!

NOTE: Please remember that the above comments and suggestions are only one person's opinion. Take what you can use but never be shy about discarding what you cannot. Most important of all, keep writing, improving, and contributing to our wonderful community!

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .

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#3652804

Review of Who Do I Think I Am??

for entry "This one's about what we should've had years ago."

Review by Julie D - PUBLISHED!

In affiliation with

Rated: 18+

| (5.0)

Hi Heat Fivesixermiser

,
My name is Julie D - PUBLISHED!

and I'm reviewing your blog entry, "This one's about what we should've had years ago."

.

WHY I CHOSE TO REVIEW THIS ITEM:
Our prompt for today (Day #20) of the "30-Day Blogging Challenge ON HIATUS"

was to review our favorite entry of the challenge so far. It couldn't be just any old entry, either. It had to be an entry written by a fellow challenger. I choose you because you're one of my favorite peeps. Any idea why I chose this entry? I'm sure you figured it out already...it's because we wrote very similar entries on this as a response to our Day #12 prompt. Surprise, surprise.

OVERALL SENSE:
We're so much alike, it's scary!

Is it any wonder that we've both won past rounds of the "30-Day Blogging Challenge ON HIATUS"

?

You "get" blogging, my friend. You do a darn good job of taking care of the prompts, and then simply blogging about every day life. That is journaling in its truest form, and you have mastered it.

CONVENTIONS:
You make blogging look easy, and I know FIRST HAND it is not. It's even more difficult to do during a challenge when you have to write an entry every day based on a prompt that was sent out...and boy have we seen some doozies this time around!

Your sense of humor carries you through. I always look forward to reading your entries.

SPELLING/GRAMMAR:
I don't like to critique blogs on spelling and grammar. This isn't really formal writing, so I don't feel it's necessary. Your spelling and grammar are fine anyway, so I probably should have simply removed this from my review template.

CONCLUSION:
Thanks for sharing your wit, charm, everyday life and random shenanigans with us. Your blog is always an entertaining read, my friend.

Thanks so much for sharing and keep up the good work! WRITE ON!!

Happy NewYear!

NOTE: Please remember that the above comments and suggestions are only one person's opinion. Take what you can use but never be shy about discarding what you cannot. Most important of all, keep writing, improving, and contributing to our wonderful community!

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .

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#1771417 by Not Available.

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16

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14 days may be credited.

#3643525

Review of Regrets

Review by Julie D - PUBLISHED!

In affiliation with Showering Acts of Joy Group

Rated: E

| (5.0)

This review is given on behalf of "Invalid Item"

.

Hi Leger~

,
My name is Julie D - PUBLISHED!

and I'm reviewing your poem, "Regrets"

, as part of your shower.

WHY I CHOSE TO REVIEW THIS ITEM:
You are one of the showerees listed in the "Invalid Item"

- CONGRATULATIONS!

OVERALL SENSE:
Having regret is a terrible thing. Sooner or later, we all regret something in our lifetime. Whether it is over something we did, or something we didn't have the courage to do, it's a terrible thing. When something passes you by, and you know with absolute certainty that, whatever it is, is gone, it is the most horrible feeling in the world. Your poem eloquently depicts the pain and heartache of regret.

CONVENTIONS:
Ahhh, I so love Traditional poetry! While I enjoy all poetic forms, Traditional (rhyming) poetry has always held a special place within my heart. In my opinion, the rhythmic feel leaves one with a sense of peace and harmony when reading through such a melodic piece. Rhyming enhances the rhythm and overall flow of a piece, which is why I admire this particular form so much. I enjoyed your aa bb rhyming couplets. Sometimes it is difficult to write rhymes that don't feel as if they have been forced. You did a wonderful job of ensuring the rhymes feel natural. I found nothing that gave me pause while reading it. The meter of your piece is fantastic!

SPELLING/GRAMMAR:
This piece is absolutely flawless. Your spelling and grammar are impeccable. Great job!

FAVORITE LINES:
"Attenuated fingers brushed over the stone,
Teary eyed, dejected, he emits a moan."

This was an incredibly emotional poem, but these lines absolutely broke my heart. I could feel his dejection, despair and heartache over losing the love of his life.

SUGGESTIONS FOR IMPROVEMENT:
I have one suggestion and this is merely a personal preference. The rules of poetry have changed a bit. Years ago, every line had to begin with a capital letter. That is no longer a requirement in poetry. My suggestion would be to consider using lower-case to begin your lines, unless the previous line ended with a period. What you have is not wrong at all, this is absolutely at the poet's discretion. For me, personally, I feel that it makes for an easier read so I thought I would mention it.

There are no other suggestions that I could offer for improvement, but I will leave you with one of the greatest pieces of literary advice I have ever received. That advice is that you should never consider a piece truly finished. Every so often you should revisit the item and make minor adjustments here and there.

I hope you don't mind. I mean no offense by the suggestion above. As a writer and reviewer yourself, you know that any suggestions are given with the best intentions.

CONCLUSION:
The depth of feelings and emotions are conveyed so well in this piece. To love someone so much, and to have regrets because of things not done, or left unsaid, is so very sad. This was a great read. It is one of those hidden gems that will stay with me for quite some time.

Thanks so much for sharing and keep up the good work! WRITE ON!!

Happy NewYear!

NOTE: Please remember that the above comments and suggestions are only one person's opinion. Take what you can use but never be shy about discarding what you cannot. Most important of all, keep writing, improving, and contributing to our wonderful community!

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .

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#1771417 by Not Available.

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14 days may be credited.

#3643468

Review of What if?

Review by Julie D - PUBLISHED!

In affiliation with I.N.K.E.D.

Rated: E

| (4.5)

This review is brought to you by "Invalid Item"

through "Invalid Item"

Hi aralls,
My name is Julie D - PUBLISHED!

and I'm reviewing your poem, "What if?"

.

WHY I CHOSE TO REVIEW THIS ITEM:
You were kind enough to drop by my portfolio with a review earlier today, so here I am returning the favor.

Ahhhh, yes, that eternal question that we all ask ourselves sooner or later in life. What if...? I have a poem in my port that is very similar to this, so I wanted to read your take on this questions.

OVERALL SENSE:
You certainly got right to the heart of the matter in this poem. I found myself nodding my head in agreement as I read through this piece. You made me think and feel exactly as you were. As writers, what more could we ask for than to have the target audience agree with these sentiments? You did a marvelous job capturing the essence of the what ifs, and showing the reader rather than telling them.

CONVENTIONS:
Ahhh, I so love Traditional poetry! While I enjoy all poetic forms, Traditional (rhyming) poetry has always held a special place within my heart. In my opinion, the rhythmic feel leaves one with a sense of peace and harmony when reading through such a melodic piece. Rhyming enhances the rhythm and overall flow of a piece, which is why I admire this particular form so much. I enjoyed your aabb rhyme scheme throughout this item. Sometimes it is difficult to write rhymes that don't feel as if they have been forced. You did a wonderful job of ensuring the rhymes feel natural. I found nothing that gave me pause while reading it. The meter of your piece is fantastic!

SPELLING/GRAMMAR:
I have something minor to mention here. Within your title, which you also list at the beginning of your item, you use an ellipsis (...). An ellipsis is a series of marks that usually indicate an intentional omission of a word, sentence or whole section from the original text when being used for quoted material. It can also be used to indicate an unfinished thought or, at the end of a sentence, a trailing off into silence, as is the case with your item. That being said, the correct usage, and the most common form of an ellipsis, is a row of three periods or full stops (...). Your title has 4 periods, and it has 5 periods at the beginning of your item.

FAVORITE LINES:
"What if love gets stronger each breath taken,
and our trust will never be forsaken,
to experience pleasure, feeling no pain,
linking our souls like an unbroken chain?"

I am quite the hopeless romantic. These romantically sweet sentiments resonated deep within my soul. I loved the whole poem, but these lines were definitely my favorite.

SUGGESTIONS FOR IMPROVEMENT:
In addition to what I have noted above with the ellipsis, I have one other suggestion with your title. Since your entire piece is asking a series of questions, would you consider adding a question mark to your title as well? What if...? packs a bit more punch and really shows the reader what your poem is all about.

Also, in the last line of your first stanza, you have the word "face". It is also used in the very next line (first line of your second stanza). What if you were to replace the second occurrence of the word with something else, like "expression"? That line would then read, "What if my expression always held a smile". It does not alter the meaning of your words, but it does avoid repetition, unless that was your intent.

One other suggestion I have is for you to possibly consider adding some WritingML to this piece. Whether you use a different type of font, or even a different font color, you can really make your words come alive.

There are no other suggestions that I could offer for improvement, but I will leave you with one of the greatest pieces of literary advice I have ever received. That advice is that you should never consider a piece truly finished. Every so often you should revisit the item and make minor adjustments here and there.

I hope you don't mind. I mean no offense by any of the suggestions above. As a writer and reviewer yourself, you know that any suggestions are given with the best intentions.

CONCLUSION:
You write with the passion of a truly romantic soul. I can tell you are the type of person that wears your emotions on your sleeve. How can I tell? Because I am that kind of person as well. Again, I really do think we were separated at birth!

Thanks so much for sharing and keep up the good work! WRITE ON!!

Happy NewYear!

NOTE: Please remember that the above comments and suggestions are only one person's opinion. Take what you can use but never be shy about discarding what you cannot. Most important of all, keep writing, improving, and contributing to our wonderful community!

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .

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#3642778

Review of The longing of my soul...

Review by Julie D - PUBLISHED!

In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP

Rated: ASR

| (4.5)

This review is given on behalf of "SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP" . This item was selected as one of the reviews of the week in the "Simply Positive Review Forum " .
CONGRATULATIONS!

Hi mars

,
My name is Julie D - PUBLISHED!

and I'm reviewing your poem, "The longing of my soul..."

.

WHY I CHOSE TO REVIEW THIS ITEM:
You are one of the select few to have your item listed in our forum this week. Lucky you - you're going to get a lot of great reviews out of it.

OVERALL SENSE:
You have written an extremely emotive piece. I felt the depth of the longing, and recalled the countless times my soul, too, has longed for something. One of the greatest things a poet can hope to achieve is reaching their readers by making them feel. You have done just that with your poem. Well done!

CONVENTIONS:
The Quatern can be a difficult poetic form to take on for a less experienced poet. The restrictions this particular form imposes upon the writer makes writing one no small task. You mastered the form quite well, and adhered to the line, syllable and repetitious refrain. Great job!

SPELLING/GRAMMAR:
I found no fault here. I suspect you may have received reviews that discredit your use of "desp'rate". If you haven't, I would be prepared because some reviewers can be sticklers about things like that.

I understand your reasoning, if you had not shortened it, you would have had an extra syllable in that line and, therefore, would not have adhered with this poetic form. In my opinion, using "desp'rate" rather than "desperate" adds to the appeal and overall charm of your item. As to any naysayers you may or may not encounter, tell them you are exercising poetic license and send them on their merry way.

FAVORITE LINES:
"The longing of my soul is deep
To feel the December cold touch
My skin and tantalize my lungs."

The imagery throughout your poem is spectacular, but these lines were my favorite. They are an excellent start to grab the reader's attention. While I read this, I could actually feel the cold; it gave me a bit of a chill!

SUGGESTIONS FOR IMPROVEMENT:
I have a few things to suggest for your consideration. This first one is a matter of personal preference. The rules of poetry have changed a bit. Years ago, every line had to begin with a capital letter. That is no longer a requirement in poetry. My suggestion would be to consider using lower-case to begin your lines, unless the previous line ended with a period. What you have is not wrong at all, this is absolutely at the poet's discretion. For me, personally, I feel that it makes for an easier read so I thought I would mention it.

My second suggestion is to consider adding an author's note at the bottom of your piece that explains the form you have used. As a poet myself, I am familiar with the form so I understand the requirements needed in order to write a Quatern. However, not everyone here is as experienced with poetic forms as we might be. If a potential reviewer does not understand the specifics of the form, and why you have written it a certain way, it could impact their enjoyment of your piece and skew any rating/review they may have to offer.

One final thing that I wanted to mention has to do with this line, "To free my self of apathy". I am only noting this in case you did not intend to put a space between "my" and "self". In fact, either "my self" or "myself" (one word) would make sense in that line. It all depends on your meaning. Again, the reason I am mentioning it is just in case it is a typo.

There are no other suggestions that I could offer for improvement, but I will leave you with one of the greatest pieces of literary advice I have ever received. That advice is that you should never consider a piece truly finished. Every so often you should revisit the item and make minor adjustments here and there.

I mean no offense by any of the suggestions above. As a writer and reviewer yourself, you know that any suggestions are given with the best intentions.

CONCLUSION:
You have given the gift of a beautifully-written poem for all of us to read and enjoy.

Thanks so much for sharing and keep up the good work! WRITE ON!!

Happy NewYear!

NOTE: Please remember that the above comments and suggestions are only one person's opinion. Take what you can use but never be shy about discarding what you cannot. Most important of all, keep writing, improving, and contributing to our wonderful community!

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .

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#3635623

Review of We, The Ghosts of the Full Moon

Review by Julie D - PUBLISHED!

In affiliation with I.N.K.E.D.

Rated: 18+

| (4.0)

This review is brought to you by "Invalid Item"

through "Invalid Item"

Hi Jakrebs

,
I'm reviewing your short story, "We, The Ghosts of the Full Moon"

.

WHY I CHOSE TO REVIEW THIS ITEM:
You know I am a big fan of yours, so I like to drop by your portfolio as often as possible. Plus, you asked me if I would take a look at it.

OVERALL SENSE:
This was such a cool story!

I loved it from beginning to end. It was unique, and even fun, which is something that is not typical for a horror story. You know I always enjoy your sense of humor! Your muse is very versatile, my friend. You have written a rather creative piece here!

SPELLING/GRAMMAR:
You knew I would find something here, didn't you?

I have just a few things to note here for you.

"Everytime I seen her..."

The word "everytime" should actually be two words, "every time". It is two words because it means each and every time as it describes a segment in time. One rule of thumb to think about in the future is that you would not write eachtime as one word. Just a little hint/tip for future reference. Another way to remember it is to think of defining the time even further, such as "every single time". You would not write that as "everysingletime". I hope these tricks help!

The second thing in that sentence that I want to point out is the word "seen". This one is open to interpretation because it depends on the context in which you meant it. The correct tense of the verb would be "saw". However, if your intention was to write this as slang, I would leave it as it is, but you can probably expect other reviews pointing this out to you as well.

With your use of the words "ain't" and "homies", I suspect that it was your intention to write this to appear as slang. I thought I would mention it anyway.

"spooky cold, not cold cold."

This is sometimes referred to as "compound adjectives" when used correctly, rather than redundantly. In your sentence the word "cold" is describing cold so it would be hyphenated.

"Some try, but sooner or later, they always end up do what we, the Ghosts of the Full Moon..."

You have a little typo here. The word "do" should be "doing".

I mean no offense by anything I have noted above. As a writer and reviewer yourself, you know that these are given with the best intentions.

FAVORITE LINES:
It is always difficult to choose a favorite line, or lines in a story. It's much easier to do that with a poem!

I can't really pinpoint a particular line that I would call a favorite. I do, however, have a favorite part. I will not write it here because I do not want to give it away for others who decide to read/rate/review this item. My favorite part is your ending. You leave it open ended. I can see as a continuing saga or perhaps turning into a series? Let your muse chew on that for a while.

SUGGESTIONS FOR IMPROVEMENT:
Other than what I have noted above (I'm going to sound like a broken record), I have one additional suggestion. How about some WritingML?

CONCLUSION:
Andy, you have impressed me once again with your amazing writing talent. I am always so proud whenever I read something you have written. Keep using that creative genius. You know I'll always be a fan!

Thanks so much for sharing and keep up the good work! WRITE ON!!

Happy Holidays!!

NOTE: Please remember that the above comments and suggestions are only one person's opinion. Take what you can use but never be shy about discarding what you cannot. Most important of all, keep writing, improving, and contributing to our wonderful community!

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .

Proud group leader of "Invalid Item" !
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14 days may be credited.

#3630857

Review of Another Love Poem

Review by Julie D - PUBLISHED!

In affiliation with Newbie Help And Support Group

Rated: E

| (4.0)

Welcome to WDC from "Newbie Welcome Wagon" !

Hi Rylek Blayz

,
Welcome to writing.com! We are so happy to have you here. If you have any questions, please don't hesitate to ask.

My name is Julie D - PUBLISHED!

and I'm reviewing your poem, "Another Love Poem"

.

WHY I CHOSE TO REVIEW THIS ITEM:
Your poem came up under my "Read a Newbie". When I saw your title and brief description, I decided to not only read it, but rate and review it also.

What can I say? I am a hopeless romantic through and through.

OVERALL SENSE:
I felt a bit of desperation in your words. This reminds me of that feeling you have when you love with reckless abandon. It is the type of love that consumes you. It is a wonderful thing as long as you don't lose your sense of self.

CONVENTIONS:
Free-verse poetry allows for such interpretive, artistic and intellectually-stimulating writing. Your poem exemplifies all of these traits...and more! It's quite a treat for the reader to see such a unique, and beautiful, piece. Wonderfully done!

SPELLING/GRAMMAR:
Your spelling is great - I found no errors! Use of punctuation in poetry is a very personal choice for each and every poet; some use it, while others don't. Your poem has very minimal punctuation, which isn't wrong, but may be something to consider. There really is no right or wrong for whether or not punctuation should be used in poetry. It is at the writer's discretion. However, using it does make for a smoother read as it helps the reader determine breaks in thought. It's also a great way to add emphasis to specific areas.

FAVORITE LINES:
"This isn't just an 'I miss you' poem,
Not just how every little thing reminds me of you,
Not just how my head isn't on straight,
Nor the terrible craving to see you again."

The depth of your emotions for this person really shows in this stanza because of the powerful words you used.

SUGGESTIONS FOR IMPROVEMENT:
In addition to what I noted above, I have just one other suggestion. In your line, "Nor the way your hair whistles in the breeze," I got hung up on the word "whistles". What if you were to use a different word, like "whispers" instead?

I mean no offense by any of the suggestion above. As a writer and reviewer yourself, you know that these suggestions are given with the best intentions. One of the greatest pieces of literary advice I have ever received is that you should never consider a piece truly finished. Every so often you should revisit the item and make minor adjustments here and there.

CONCLUSION:
I thoroughly enjoyed reading through this poem of such passionate, soul-stirring love. You have given the gift of a beautifully-written poem for all of us to read and enjoy.

Thanks so much for sharing and keep up the good work! WRITE ON!!

Happy Holidays!!

NOTE: Please remember that the above comments and suggestions are only one person's opinion. Take what you can use but never be shy about discarding what you cannot. Most important of all, keep writing, improving, and contributing to our wonderful community!

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .

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!

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21

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#3629833

Review of Please Bring Him Home?

Review by Julie D - PUBLISHED!

In affiliation with Newbie Help And Support Group

Rated: E

| (4.5)

Welcome to WDC from "Newbie Welcome Wagon" !

Hi ChuChuRocker

,
Welcome to writing.com! We are so happy to have you here. If you have any questions, please don't hesitate to ask.

My name is Julie D - PUBLISHED!

and I'm reviewing your poem, "Please Bring Him Home?"

.

WHY I CHOSE TO REVIEW THIS ITEM:
Your title and brief description caught my attention, and I am so glad they did! Your poem did not disappoint.

OVERALL SENSE:
I love how you start off by going through the common things that most children ask Santa for. It is a wonderful lead in to your second stanza, where you get to the heart of the matter.

CONVENTIONS:
While I enjoy all poetic forms, Traditional (rhyming) poetry has always held a special place within my heart. In my opinion, the rhythmic feel leaves one with a sense of peace and harmony when reading through such a melodic piece. Rhyming enhances the rhythm and overall flow of a piece, which is why I admire this particular form so much. I enjoyed your aabb rhyme scheme throughout this item. Sometimes it is difficult to write rhymes that don't feel as if they have been forced. You did a wonderful job of ensuring the rhymes feel natural, even those that are not exact (or hard) rhymes. The other near (or soft) rhymes are an excellent use of poetic license! I found nothing that gave me pause while reading it. The meter of your piece is exceptional.

SPELLING/GRAMMAR:
I saw no errors. Your poem has just the right amount of punctuation. It allowed for seamless reading as I knew which areas you wanted to emphasize and where you had a break in thought. You did a marvelous job!

FAVORITE LINES:
"Maybe you could bring him home? You have that super-sleigh.
I just want to say "I love you, dad!" and maybe we could play."

These lines really pull at the heartstrings. Through the eyes and innocence of a child, we are shown the true meaning of Christmas. If only Santa could bring all of our troops home.

SUGGESTIONS FOR IMPROVEMENT:
My only suggestion is to take another look at your line spacing. Your poem is double-spaced, with the exception of the first two lines.

CONCLUSION:
Writing this poem from the viewpoint of a child was delightful. The purity and sincerity of the hopes, dreams and wishes really comes through by writing it this way. I adore the addition of the picture. Is that your son? He is so adorable!

Thanks so much for sharing and keep up the good work! WRITE ON!!

Happy Holidays!!

NOTE: Please remember that the above comments and suggestions are only one person's opinion. Take what you can use but never be shy about discarding what you cannot. Most important of all, keep writing, improving, and contributing to our wonderful community!

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .

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#1771417 by Not Available.

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!

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22

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#3628105

Review of Echoes of Wisdom

Review by Julie D - PUBLISHED!

In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army

Rated: E

| (5.0)

Hi 🌖 HuntersMoon

,
I'm Julie D - PUBLISHED!

and I'm reviewing your poem, "Echoes of Wisdom"

.

WHY I CHOSE TO REVIEW THIS ITEM:
I saw that this poem came in 2nd Place in "Invalid Item"

and, since I am a lover of romantic poetry, I decided to take a look. Congratulations on your well-deserved win!

I do, however, wonder how on Earth this did not win 1st Place?!

OVERALL SENSE:
You have captured the essence of enduring love. It is one that echoes your words of wisdom when telling of the experiences through the ages. It is something that withstands the winds of change, time and the trials and tribulations of the fiery storm we call life. Your poem encompasses all of this and so much more.

CONVENTIONS:
Oh my, a poem using the same form as Robert Browning in his Rabbi Ben Ezra that is written by one of my favorite poets here at WDC! What more could a girl ask for?

This was definitely a win-win for me! I'm a big fan of Robert Browning and I have to say that Rabbi Ben Ezra is one of my all-time favorite poems. I love that you mirrored that poem...and used his first two lines. I'll get into that more below.

SPELLING/GRAMMAR:
How did I know I would not need this section? I should have simply removed it.

FAVORITE LINES:
"“Grow old along with me!
The best is yet to be …”
mere words and lilting rhyme, yet echoing through time.
They whisper in my ears
and calm my dread and fears
as I stand in my prime viewing my final climb."

As I mentioned above, Browning's first two lines are excellent. I love that you used them also. Those lines are timeless and all-encompassing. They are an excellent lead in to your phenomenal first stanza.

SUGGESTIONS FOR IMPROVEMENT:
Who am I kidding? This is another section that I should have removed!

CONCLUSION:
Ken, you have given the gift of another beautifully-written poem for all of us to read and enjoy. You have a fan in me!

Thanks so much for sharing and keep up the good work! WRITE ON!!

Happy Holidays!!

NOTE: Please remember that the above comments and suggestions are only one person's opinion. Take what you can use but never be shy about discarding what you cannot. Most important of all, keep writing, improving, and contributing to our wonderful community!

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .

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#1771417 by Not Available.

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#3627601

Review of A Mermaid's Tears

Review by Julie D - PUBLISHED!

In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army

Rated: E

| (4.0)

Hi bertiebrite hoping for peace

,
I'm Julie D - PUBLISHED!

and I'm reviewing your poem, "A Mermaid's Tears"

.

WHY I CHOSE TO REVIEW THIS ITEM:
I saw that your poem came in 1st Place in "Invalid Item"

and, since I am a lover of romantic poetry, I decided to take a look. Congratulations on your well-deserved win!

OVERALL SENSE:
This is a beautiful poem with such sweet sentiments. It tells a uniquely imaginative story that shows off your creative talent.

CONVENTIONS:
I adore all poetry and, as I mentioned above, romantic poetry is a favorite of mine. While I enjoy all poetic forms, Traditional (rhyming) poetry has always held a special place within my heart. In my opinion, the rhythmic feel leaves one with a sense of peace and harmony when reading through such a melodic piece.

SPELLING/GRAMMAR:
There are just a few things to note here.

“Peices of glass on a shoreline…?”

The word “peices” should be “pieces”. Although this is your brief description and not actually a part of your poem, it is still an important area. The brief description is one of the things that will catch a reader’s attention, drawing them in to (hopefully) read/rate/review it.

“A Mermaids Tears”

The word “mermaids” should be “mermaid’s” so that it matches the title of your item. It is missing the apostrophe from you byline in the item itself.

FAVORITE LINES:
“I smiled and held to Dave’s hand tight
for we must love with all our might
against that day when tide and time
release us from fair Earth’s design.”

The whole poem was great, but this was a marvelous finish! You have captured the bittersweet sorrow of loving someone that we will eventually lose due to the tides and time. It reminds me of the marriage vows that have been used for ages, “To love, honor and cherish until death do us part”.

SUGGESTIONS FOR IMPROVEMENT:
There were several areas that gave me pause when reading this aloud.

“and holding hands he slowly lead
me to shelter of the rocks”

I realize you are trying to keep your rhyme with the lines above and below these, but the line break here is a bit rough. You’ll see what I mean if you read the poem out loud. You could actually end the thought with “lead”. For example…

“and holding hands he slowly lead
seeking the shelter of the rocks”

That slight modification allows for a smoother read without altering the meaning behind these lines.

“I looked back once and thought I saw
a set of flippers near the shore”

These are the only lines that do not rhyme. While there is nothing wrong with that because it could be construed as use of poetic license, there is a way to rhyme this, if you choose to do so.

“I looked back once and thought I saw
a set of flippers that left me in awe”

OR

“I looked back once and thought I saw
a set of flippers perfectly flawed”

The first example would be an exact (or hard) rhyme, while the second would be a near (or soft) rhyme. Your lines are great as they are, but it’s always nice to have options, right?

One other thing I wanted to mention was punctuation. There is no right or wrong for whether or not punctuation should be used in poetry. It is at the writer’s discretion. However, using it does make for an easier, effortless read as it helps the reader determine breaks in thought more clearly. It is also a great way to add emphasis to specific areas. Your poem has some, but it is very minimal. I felt that there were a few areas that could have used a bit more definition, or structure, by adding either a period or a comma.

I mean no offense by any of the suggestion above. As a writer and reviewer yourself, you know that these suggestions are given with the best intentions. One of the greatest pieces of literary advice I have ever received is that you should never consider a piece truly finished. Every so often you should revisit the item and make minor adjustments here and there.

CONCLUSION:
This really is a lovely poem that brought a tear to my eye when I read it. It made me think of the one I love and how difficult and heartbreaking it would be to lose him.

Thanks so much for sharing and keep up the good work! WRITE ON!!

NOTE: Please remember that the above comments and suggestions are only one person's opinion. Take what you can use but never be shy about discarding what you cannot. Most important of all, keep writing, improving, and contributing to our wonderful community!

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .

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Invalid Item
This item number is not valid.
#1771417 by Not Available.

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#3626283

Review of Before I Go

Review by Julie D - PUBLISHED!

In affiliation with Showering Acts of Joy Group

Rated: E

| (4.0)

This review is given on behalf of "Invalid Item"

.

Hi Sum1's Home!

,
I'm Julie D - PUBLISHED!

and I'm reviewing your poem, "Before I Go"

, as part of your shower.

WHY I CHOSE TO REVIEW THIS ITEM:
You are one of the showerees listed in the "Invalid Item"

- CONGRATULATIONS!

And another big, hearty

CONGRATULATIONS

on your promotion to a moderator today!

*throws confetti*

YAY!! I'm so happy for you!

I came across this newly-written piece in your portfolio and was shocked

to see that it hadn't been reviewed yet. I had to rectify that!

OVERALL SENSE:
This solemn piece is an excellent depiction of something we all think about while pondering the relationships we have with the important people in our lives. It's unfortunate that death is a part of life, but when thinking of our time spent here, it seems we always focus on the difficult, complex connections and encounters throughout life, and the things we have left unsaid. Your poem made me recall the "life flashing before my eyes" moments when I had my own brush with death. The thoughts, emotion and the finality of it all can be quite overwhelming. You captured all of this in your wonderful poem.

CONVENTIONS:
Rhyming enhances the rhythm and overall flow of a piece, which is why I admire Traditional (rhyming) poetry so much. I enjoyed your aabb rhyme scheme throughout this item. Sometimes it is difficult to write rhymes that don't feel as if they have been forced. You did a wonderful job of ensuring the rhymes feel natural, effortless. I found nothing that gave me pause while reading it. Your end-rhymes perfectly match. Your meter is great.

SPELLING/GRAMMAR:
There are just a few things that I would like to note here.

"To write what my mind, has to say,"

The comma after "mind" is not needed here. This line would be grammatically correct without it.

"Before all I know, flies away."

The comma after "know" is not needed here.

"I’ve looked in your eyes, seen how they shine."

There are two ways you could go here. You could replace the comma after "eyes" with a semicolon because these are two independent clauses and both are of equal emphasis/importance. If you decide to leave the comma, I would suggest adding the word "and" after it. However, doing so may alter the flow of this particular line.

FAVORITE LINES:
"So before I go, I have to say,
“I’ve loved you forever in my own way.”"

I loved your whole poem, but these are the lines that pack the most punch. These lines are of vital importance because they truly get to the heart of your poem. This is why you've written the piece and, at this point, it becomes clear to the reader.

SUGGESTIONS FOR IMPROVEMENT:
In addition to what I mentioned above, I have only one other suggestion. I struggled a little bit with the line, "Well, that’s been said, I’m at peace now,". What if you were to modify it slightly to something like, "No more/longer unsaid, I'm at peace now" or perhaps "My slate is clean, I'm at peace now"?

I mean no offense by anything I have noted above. As a writer and reviewer yourself, you know that these are given with the best intentions.

CONCLUSION:
The sincerity, truth, emotion and honesty shine through this entire poem. You were able to portray this beautifully with such sweet sentiments, but I hope you plan on sticking around for a long, long time. We need you!

Thanks so much for sharing and keep up the good work! WRITE ON!!

NOTE: Please remember that the above comments and suggestions are only one person's opinion. Take what you can use but never be shy about discarding what you cannot. Most important of all, keep writing, improving, and contributing to our wonderful community!

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .

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Invalid Item
This item number is not valid.
#1771417 by Not Available.

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14 days may be credited.

#3625322

Review of The Thanksgiving Blessing

Review by Julie D - PUBLISHED!

In affiliation with Showering Acts of Joy Group

Rated: E

| (5.0)

This review is given on behalf of "Invalid Item"

.

Hi 🌖 HuntersMoon

,
I'm Julie D - PUBLISHED!

and I'm reviewing your poem, "The Thanksgiving Blessing"

, as part of your shower.

WHY I CHOSE TO REVIEW THIS ITEM:
You are one of the showerees listed in the "Invalid Item"

- CONGRATULATIONS!

Since Thanksgiving was on Thursday, I'm really in the holiday spirit. When I came across this item in your portfolio, I simply had to give it a read/rate/review.

OVERALL SENSE:
This is such a heartwarming and uplifting reminder of what Thanksgiving is all about.

This poem also left me with a feeling of incredible pride. It's sad to say that most kids these days probably don't realize (or simply don't care about) what this holiday is all about. My hope, which is probably more like wishful thinking, is that most children are like the one in your poem.

CONVENTIONS:
Traditional (rhyming) poetry is something very near and dear to my heart. I love poetry in all forms, but Traditional is my favorite. I feel that the rhyming enhances the rhythm and overall flow of a piece. I enjoyed your aabb rhyme scheme throughout this item. Sometimes it is difficult to write rhymes that don't feel as if they have been forced. You did a wonderful job making the rhymes feel natural, effortless. I found nothing that gave me pause while reading it. Your end-rhymes perfectly match. Your meter is superb. It allows your poem to flow smoothly and gives it a steady, even cadence when read aloud.

SPELLING/GRAMMAR:
There is only one minor issue and it's not even within the poem. It's in the brief description, "A family learns about the true meaning of Thanksgiving from thier son". The word "thier" should be "their". I know this is simply a minor oversight.

FAVORITE LINES:
"With a mighty heave, he lifted his wares
and carried them up to the top of the stairs.
He quietly opened his Mom and Dad's door;
all that he heard was his father's snore."

At this point in your poem, the meaning behind it becomes quite clear. This had me thinking, "awwwwwww, how sweet".

SUGGESTIONS FOR IMPROVEMENT:
Other than what I mentioned above, there's nothing else I could possibly suggest. There is definitely a reason I'm giving this 5

's. It's wonderful!

CONCLUSION:
I love the lighthearted nature of this piece. It is a fitting way to tell such an endearing, but important, story. This poem has rhythmic feel to it that made it quite fun to read aloud also! I could imagine your words being put to music. It would make a cute song for children - an excellent way to teach them about the holiday!

I hope you had a great Thanksgiving!

Thanks so much for sharing and keep up the good work! WRITE ON!!

NOTE: Please remember that the above comments and suggestions are only one person's opinion. Take what you can use but never be shy about discarding what you cannot. Most important of all, keep writing, improving, and contributing to our wonderful community!

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .

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Please visit my guestbook. Stop in, say hi, let me know if you liked a particular review and/or ask me to review another item or re-review something you've updated.

Invalid Item
This item number is not valid.
#1771417 by Not Available.

I wrote my letter from home to support our troops, "Invalid Item" . Have you written your "Letter from Home" ?

Follow the random at "Invalid Item" , which won 1st Place in Round 1 of the "30-Day Blogging Challenge ON HIATUS"

!

Find out what makes me tick in "Invalid Item" .

Check out some of my gems in "Invalid Item" !