This is a very interesting story. I have a suggestion. Each time you change speakers, you should double space. I had a bit of trouble deciding when you had changed speakers.
The story not only had a lot of sadness in it, but it ended with a bit of sadness.
Mercy! You and my best friend would make a great pair. She loves to catch you with your mind way out yonder somewhere and make some type of startling noise.
Come to think about it, my oldest son is like that too.
I'm sure once the shock wore off, Bill thought it was funny, also.
Did you Dad return? This is so typical of what alcohol does to a person. My dad was an alcoholic. I'll always believe he killed my mother, but as I grew into an adult, I was able to forgive him (only after his death).
---the substance that caused theI think you left out a word here he had declared on his family that day.
He shook the gun at her and said threatened to kill her.
Keep up the good work and continue writing.
Grandma Penny
This was very interesting. I was really into this dying thing and then learned it was a play.
I found a few errors you might want to correct.
“Thank you Thank you Jim for everything” Needs to be broken down a bit maybe. Ex. Thank you. Thank you, Jim, for everything.
They bowed and Jim stepped to the side this two hands pointing and clapping Sadie. I'm not quite sure what this needs, but somehow it just doesn't look quite right./b}
he really felt he got through to them in the final deathbed scene
This is an interesting piece. I could certainly identify with this. I'm glad there was someone in my life to encourage me.
Keep writing.
doodling butterflies around my name I had carefully wrote written in my best cursive. the word had is a helping verb. When using a helping verb with the word wrote this word should be changed to written.
to ask a question I’d have had on my mind all day.
And so I did…years later I earned two scholarships that allowed me to go to afford college, <--Something doesn't look right about this sentence.
I love this! Somehow, I have always gotten caught up in my own little traditions. I do like change, but it's nice to have a tradition also.
When my children were small, we always went out of town to my husband's mother's home for Christmas Eve and Christmas Day.
Santa had to come to Grandma Maude's instead of our house.
I started letting my two oldest children open a small present a day for two weeks before we went to Grandma's. (Inexpensive gifts, of course). When my third child came along, we still did the same. This continued until they were grown.
This is absolutely beautiful. It really does take all these ingredients to be happy and to make others happy. You're right about it going a long way...as far as we allow it to go.
Not only is this piece beautiful, but it is so heartwarming. It really pulled at my heart's strings. I know what it is to miss your mother. My mother passed in 1960 and I still miss her. I think I probably think of her more during the Christmas season than any other time.
After all, she's the one I made so many of my Christmas memories with.
This piece is very well written. At first, I thought maybe the author was a lady talking about her husband. Then near the end, I was shocked at who your Santa really is.
This is absolutely beautiful. There is so much truth in it. We do tend to forget whose birthday it is. I was thinking about that tonight. When a family member or special friend has a birthday we usually make a big deal for that person with gifts, cake, etc.
We should get caught up in the excitement of Jesus' birthday also.
This is very heart breaking. It's awful how some folks can mistreat a small child (or anyone else as far as that goes).
I take it this is a true story.
As far as the way it is written, I saw one error you might want to go into edit and correct. The last line They wontshould be won't fade unless you let them disappear.
I'm sorry. I got so carried away remembering as I read this piece, I forgot to mark the errors I caught. I only remember seeing two. Both were the word ghost. In both places where you used this word, you should have used the word ghosts.
I feel that this would look and read better if you'd double space between each paragraph. Also, when you change speakers, you should double space between speakers.
Oh, and Debbie, I heard you saying how much toyou loved Fun Fairs – me too.
they'd take another half hour.
Funnily?<---This might be a word, but I have never seen it or heard it used.
“Lets<--This is a contraction for let us. Therefore, you need to use an apostrophe; ex. Let's try for a Coconut;
We got the last two cars and were well apart when they switched the electricity on.
There where bound to be nights
This was very interesting. Keep writing.
Grandma Penny
Wow! What an experience and what a powerful testimony. After reading the contents of this story, I hate to point out errors, but it would work better with a few corrections.
The last sentence in the fourth paragraph needs a period at the end of it.
Because of the pain, and the visiable scars,Oh my goodness, I started to correct you on spelling, but I'm not sure which one is correct...visible or visable...you might want to check it out.
You may not want to say, but I'm wondering which part of NC you are from.
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