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791 Public Reviews Given
791 Total Reviews Given
Review Style
Casual, friendly. I'll point out typos when I see them and make suggestions about quality, characters and logic, besides telling you how I feel about the piece.
I'm good at...
Does it make sense? Are the characters well portrayed? What's the overall feel of the piece?
Favorite Genres
Poetry, children's, anything rated E
Least Favorite Genres
Anything higher than 18+
Favorite Item Types
Poems, flash fiction, essays, articles, biographical/personal, etc
I will not review...
NSFW
Public Reviews
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1
1
Review by
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Greetings,

This is a charming poem with lots of potential for inspiration and beauty. Your vocabulary shines with vivid imagery and colorful metaphors which make for an engaging and picturesque read. However, I wonder why you enclosed it with quotation marks and included a period/full stop at the end of each line. The reading flow of your free verse would be greatly improved if one were not drawn up and forced to pause at each line. I appreciate the wisdom of your theme and the care youā€™ve given to creating this piece; all it needs are a few minor adjustments to enhance our overall enjoyment of it.

Take care, thanks for sharing, and keep writing *HeartT*


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
2
2
Review of Under The Sea  
Review by
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Greetings,

Well, wellā€¦ a rather darkly amusing tale of two men in a submarine. You seem to write with a wry British wit, describing the situation in a deadpan manner which would be rather distressing if it wasnā€™t obviously an absurdity.

Youā€™ve brought the situation together in a quick and simple way from beginning to end, though perhaps I see a bit of falter at the beginning where we are informed that the submarine sprang a leak, and the end, where we are told it simply ran out of oxygen. I guessed perhaps that Maxā€™s banging on the side of the vessel made a hole in it. The revelation of the oxygen valve was a bit of a different take on the situation.

We are reminded of much more serious things by this flash fiction, with possible themes of the difficulties of human interactions in a restricted space (it reminds me of the Donald Barthelme story Gameā€¦) and the foolish hubris of men as they think they can plumb the merciless ocean depths unscathed.

I would suggest using Size 4 Verdana font to ensure readability and accessibility across devices, and if you remember the prompt you wrote it for and whether it won or not, that would be a fun detail to add to it.

Take care, thanks for sharing, and keep writing *HeartT*


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
3
3
Review by
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
Greetings, Olivia,

You've continued the story well here, adding depth to what could have been a "cheap thrill" by including a budding relationship.

The characters introduced here are worth rooting for, as we see three brave and steadfast friends solidifying their bond in a time of tribulation. I admire how instead of being infuriated with Jonathan for bungling his overblown project, they maintain hope of somehow restoring an equilibrium of safety and advancement for mankind. It was a bit of a surprise to see towards the end that they were on his team; it's interesting to think about how perhaps they might even feel guilty for contributing to the disaster or participating in something which led to such destruction, which would cement their determination and motivation to fix it.

Which reminds me of the old formula: goals, stakes, obstacles, and a character development arc are the central ingredients of structure for a good story. You have the first three down pat, and we're hooked in right from the first sentence, but I'm concerned that you don't have a clear focus on a main character yet. The point of view shifts from moment to moment, and we get a running narrative of the thoughts and feelings of all involved, which somewhat dilutes the experiential effect. We want to "live" the story, and that is best done through the eyes of one or perhaps two people at most, directing our feelings and understanding of what's going on through the lens of the main character and allowing us to make the emotional investment in them, and experience them learn and grow through their adventures.

This ties in with the general concept of ā€œshowing versus telling,ā€ which is about developing the story through describing how your characters react and what they feel, rather than using adverbs and simple words. You do a good job of this mostly, showing us vividly how everyone feels, but you may want to tighten the focus down to one or two main characters and orient the experience around them.

Speaking of tightening up, I do think you need to eliminate some of your prose... The verbiage about how much destruction has been wrought gets a little repetitive. You risk becoming monotonous if you keep using the same words to describe the same things over and over. Try to pare it down to the most basic elements of showing us what's happening, and allow the readers to build their own scenes in their minds. A few choice words about how they had to pick their way through the wreckage while breathing in the fumes of burning buildings is more impactful than using words like ā€œfearā€ (7 times) ā€œhorrorā€ (7 times,) and ā€œangerā€ (3 times).

Stylistic elements like this are difficult for me to critique because I only have an instinctive sense of how things should sound, without knowing exactly why I feel that way or how to express it properly, so forgive me if Iā€™ve pointed out things which are not really such a big deal. Your story flows powerfully and draws us along with different elements and emotions and the whisper of hope; while being a grim and alarming tale, it maintains dignity amid the chaos.

Iā€™m really looking forward to the rest of this story.

Take care, thanks for sharing, and keep writing *HeartT*


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
4
4
for entry "~ Meeting in IRL ~" 
Review by
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
Greetings, Ruwth,

I love how deep and long lasting this community is, and I love having you as part of it. Your relationships with so many people here have left an impact, and we see the memories of your years spent here in your blog.

This is a good response to the forum question, as you describe your in-person interactions with some of the members of WdC and back everything up with a tidy paper trail. I marvel how you can dig up the old posts and items. I went to look at your item about going to meet Marc, and I'm amazed that you could provide links to SM's posts from 2010... Eight years later! *Shock2*

Adding the gentle plug for your friend's published book is a great idea, I'll have to check that out soon. It's so much fun for me to meet others who have been here far longer than I, and catch a glimpse of how the site used to be (not that it's changed so much over the years *Wink* )

Your writing is clear and engaging, and the tease about your older item makes us want to stop by for a read. But definitely, do catch us up some day on what it was actually like to meet Marc *Delight* Rest assured weā€™d love to know. Iā€™ve gone and fanned the three people youā€™ve tagged, and I see one of them is a Moderator. Cool! I think of myself as ā€œcase colorblindā€ because Iā€™m on good terms with everyone hereā€¦ some people say theyā€™re bashful about reviewing higher level cases, but I donā€™t mind at all. Mostly because Iā€™m not the most in-depth of reviewersā€¦ *Laugh*

Take care, thanks for sharing, and keep writing *HeartT*


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
5
5
Review of Have You Ever?  
Review by
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Greetings,

I found this using the Random Read and Review button.

A heartfelt existential question to all of us, which can be summed up as ā€œhave you ever truly lived?ā€ It builds on itself with gentle repetition, leading us from the simple experiences of life to the more transcendental ones, reminding us that life is more than merely surviving or making a living.

I can say truthfully that Iā€™ve done at least some of these things, as it relates to sitting quietly and considering the serious philosophical issues of life. My people skills arenā€™t the best, but I hope Iā€™ve been a comfort to someone in my life. It reminds me of the Emily Dickinson poem, ā€œif I can stop one heart from breaking, I shall not have lived in vainā€¦ā€ or something like that. I too, have written about this subject, in these song lyrics: "Pause" 

The alternating indents help us to read it easily and not appear as a solid block of text. I always recommend Size 4 Verdana, but itā€™s optional.

This was a lovely little poem, brief but thought provoking.

Take care, thanks for sharing, and keep writing *HeartT*


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
6
6
Review of Everyone Die  
Review by
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
Greetings, Olivia, and welcome to writing.com!

You have painted a grim and disturbing tale here, showing us a modern or post-modern situation in the style of the classic Frankenstein. We see a monster created inadvertently by the typical ā€œmad scientistā€ who tries his best with good intentions and yet ultimately tries too hard and crosses the boundaries of what is good and ethical. By bringing life into the world without properly considering the larger impact and what the feelings of the creature itself might be, he has created a nightmare which will ultimately destroy the world.

I donā€™t really see anything much to modify here; the tale is bone chilling as it is. I would recommend you come up with a more detailed subtitle to help draw people in to the story, such as ā€œthe ambitions of a scientist gone monstrously awryā€¦ā€ or just a bit to give us more of a hint as to content. Also, can I presume that Subject Alpha died and is no longer relevant? Perhaps instead of opening with a secondary experiment, you should tighten up the narrative by leading right into the conflict between the main characters, Tryphon and Reed. And another more complicated note is to consider setting the whole thing from the restricted point of view of the scientist as he experiences the situation unfolding and feels the horrible consequences of his actions. This will help the story to have the utmost impact as we see everything through his eyes and perhaps even sympathize with his intentions.

For more information on this concept, you can reach out to Max Griffin šŸ³ļøā€šŸŒˆ and request a review from him at his "Crosstimbers Review Request Form" . You can even ask to join the "About the Short Fiction Roundtable" , where a select few of us hang out and toss stories around for advice on improving.

Formatting issues: I always recommend using Size 4 Verdana font, which can be found in the line of boxes at the top of the text entry box. First select the portion of text you wish to modify and then click on the appropriate settings in the boxes. You should also center scene dividers. The question mark between the smiley and the letter M will bring you to a handy formatting guide.

Take care, thanks for sharing, and keep writing *HeartT*


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
7
7
Review by
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Greetings and welcome to writing.com!

Iā€™ve read both sections of your story so far, and itā€™s going pretty good. Iā€™m not used to this particular type of ā€œvoidā€ story, in fact I hardly read fantasy or sci-fi at all except for what I find here (honestly, itā€™s been many years since Iā€™ve read fiction extensively at all, so forgive me if I have no idea whatā€™s going on with your story as it relates to common tropes of the genreā€¦)

Youā€™ve set up an intriguing situation, where we are plunged into a boyā€™s actions to support and protect his family without pausing to explain the context, leaving us to pick up on clues as to whatā€™s going on and what sort of setting it is. We have lots of potential for goals, stakes and obstacles which could be set up in further chapters, and a definite cliffhanger as the boy appears to have been sent from the Void world into what could be the real world, where perhaps he could attempt to reunite his family.

Your hero needs to be a well rounded character, dealing with both internal and external conflict. He needs an internal flaw, weakness or struggle to overcome along with the external obstacles in his way. This will form a connection with readers and give them a reason to be invested in the growth and development arc of your character.

Then, the forces heā€™s fighting against could perhaps be more meaningful and relatable if they are somehow personified. How is the ā€œVoidā€ created and sustained? Is there a powerful ā€œwizardā€ behind it? How are the people ā€œconstructedā€ and how are they chosen to ā€œleave the Void?ā€ All great heroes need a strong counterforce, and the enemy is easier to visualize as a character of some kind, preferably a well rounded one with backstory and some one element which could make us sympathize with him rather than a cardboard cutout.

Youā€™ve left us with lots of questions and potential for exciting adventures and memorable characters. (Oh, a side note: itā€™s recommended that all main characters should have names that start with a different letter to avoid confusion. Youā€™ve introduced a bunch of characters who all sort of jumble together as the boyā€™s siblingsā€¦)

A quick note on formatting: Size 4 Verdana font is highly recommended here, utilized by clicking on the line of editing boxes at the top of your text entry box. Paragraphs should also be double spaced, and all dialogue needs to be set off on separate lines.

I look forward to reading more from you. This is a great start. If you need further feedback, you can contact Max Griffin šŸ³ļøā€šŸŒˆ and ask him for a review. Iā€™ve learned a lot from him. You can also post your item in "Please Review"  and "The Shameless "Plug" Page"  for people to read and review.

Take care, thanks for sharing and keep writing *Smile* *HeartT*


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
8
8
Review by
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Greetings,

I found this enigmatic poem using the Random Read and Review button

I like the way you use quadruple rhymes and nonsensical imagery to bring forth a serious message about conformity and harmony. One can take it to mean we need to search our hearts and discover our true motives for behaviorā€¦ are we showing off our commitment to good works to be admired in the community, or are we serving out of the goodness of our hearts?

Politically speaking, the countryā€™s a mess from any perspective, so I donā€™t want to go in that directionā€¦ youā€™ve woven a meaning that could apply to many situations or to none at all, as the reader sees fit, but we can feel the sincerity of your words and the frustration at the status quo.

I always recommend Size 4 Verdana font to ensure readability and accessibility across devices.

Take care, thanks for sharing, and keep writing *HeartT*


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
9
9
Review by
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
Greetings,

I found this using the Random Read and Review button.

You approach a tragic and timeworn subject - war - in a fresh and creative way. I like the rhyme scheme and flow, which is easy to read and brings continuity without being overly trite. The theme is clear, and we can feel the pain of the narrator as a Gold Star parent in a timeless and stateless setting.

I noticed one awkward moment: ā€œexcited to battle with meā€ sounds like the son wants to argue with the parent, which isnā€™t the case at all. Other than that, a line count and using Size 4 Verdana font, I would also recommend using three relevant genres, possibly ā€œWarā€ and ā€œDrama.ā€

This was a heartfelt and haunting read.

Take care, thanks for sharing, and keep writing *HeartT*


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
10
10
Review of Uranus  
Review by
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Greetings and Happy Account Anniversary!

The Read and Review button has given me one of your items again.

This is an amusingly nerdy poem which adheres to the facts as provided by a quick check of Wikipedia. For being a Doctor of Phoolishness, this is hardly nonsensical but rather informative. I can see the initial attempt at rhyming is given up in favor of a steady-ish meter, which is easy to read and lends a poetic feel without the strained triteness of rhyme. An interesting read which reminds one of the vastness and depth of the universe, and the long and arduous process of discovering whatā€™s out there.

Take care, thanks for sharing and keep writing *Smile* *HeartT*


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
11
11
Review of Aftermath  
Review by
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
Greetings,

Yikes. I feel this. Youā€™ve captured the emotional turmoil involved in so many things, from basic human relationships to big serious interactions that could change the world. It almost hurts just to read this, because I donā€™t know how many times Iā€™ve felt like that myself. The lines are perfectly balanced and flow smoothly down the page, drawing us along through the narratorā€™s experience and tying the beginning and end together with steady repetition, adding a lyrical quality.

I would add ā€œDramaā€ as a third genre, and depending on what your intentions were in writing it, a dropnote with some info about prompts or larger story arcs would be helpful. I see itā€™s in a folder with a name, possibly that of a character in a story project. Also, size 4 Verdana font is always recommended to ensure readability and accessibility across devices.

Take care, thanks for sharing, and keep writing *HeartT*


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
12
12
Review of Wonky Steve  
Review by
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Greetings,

What a fun and humorous vignette of a character. He could almost be someone in the modern world at first glance, but we soon see that the setting is in an older world full of pirates, resembling Treasure Island. I canā€™t think of anything to improve upon here, but it depends on what role the character will play in your larger story. Is he merely a minor player, intended as comic relief or perhaps a foil to some more sober minded character? Or is he going to be the hapless protagonist who stumbles across a great fortune and perhaps becomes more developed and rounded out as he faces various challenges? Itā€™s impossible to tell from this vignette, but it was definitely an enjoyable read.

Take care, thanks for sharing, and keep writing *HeartT*


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
13
13
Review by
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: E | N/A (Review only item.)
Greetings,

Found this while using the Random Read and Review button again.

I love your summarization of Jane Austenā€™s writing style and the things a young lady needed to know and understand back then. This newsletter is informative and interesting, with an approachable and conversational style. The colored font is cute. Youā€™ve shared some of your favorite things about your favorite author, and made us remember how much we also enjoy her works.

I think itā€™s quite a thought provoking idea, the balance of dialogue and narrative in a story. I try to use a lot of dialogueā€¦ in fact, I love dialogue as a way to draw characters and ā€œshowā€ without ā€œtelling.ā€ It helps me avoid a ā€œcorny narrator voice,ā€ which Jane herself probably wasnā€™t too concerned about, as I remember she had a pretty expressive narrative style. Most writers did back then; Charles Dickens, for example, used lots of telling in his stories.

Take care, thanks for sharing, and keep writing *HeartT*


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
14
14
Review by
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Greetings and welcome to writing.com!

You write your opening chapter with humor, irony and warmth, describing the hard work youā€™ve put in to get everything ready for a day of fishing. Are the kids going along with you? Is it the weekend? The summer? Perhaps a little more descriptive scene setting would be nice, but I guess we all know what a lake looks like *Laugh*

As a recounting of a personal experience and your life story, I donā€™t want to make the same suggestions which I might if it were a fictional story. But any good story, true or imagined, has certain characteristics which make it interesting and help to make it more of a story than an ā€œarticle,ā€ for instance. These include goals, stakes, and obstacles, which drive character development and elevate conflict, which in turn makes us read on to discover the resolution. But you can tell your story just the way itā€™s going. I do like your style, which comes across as homey and relatable.

I have a couple super minor typos to point out:

~ still must dress, the kids, get an extra comma.
~ I also noted that this is also good ā€œalsoā€ doesnā€™t need to be repeated.
~ explain them to them as we go unclear who youā€™re explaining it to.

Other than that, this comes across as an amusing and informative read. I look forward to checking out the rest of your entries.

Take care, thanks for sharing and keep writing *Smile* *HeartT*


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
15
15
Review by
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Greetings,

Iā€™m here for I Write 2024.

A brief and enjoyable story about a dishonest car repair shop owner who gets whatā€™s coming. You have all the essential elements of a flash fiction: beginning, middle and end, well sketched characters, and a relatable situation with a good moral. Weā€™ve all had experiences where someone was obviously lying, and it can be difficult to know how to respond. This was a satisfying ending as we see the brash and careless shop owner shown up by a smart customer (if heā€™s really smart heā€™ll have his car towed out of that shop - if Robert lies about being available, what else will he lie about?)

Grammar and spelling and all that are great; there was nothing here to pull me out of the story. I went along wondering what would happen next and if there would be a dark twist or something. I like the realistic ā€œkitchen sink dramaā€ type of setting youā€™ve chosen; itā€™s instantly recognizable and easy to follow.

Formatting is excellent - now that I asked SM how to fix the Comic font display on my iPad, I have nothing left to fuss about with that. I would recommend you add a third relevant genre to the item, since that will help you get more visibility and more opportunities to be nominated for a Quill Award. ā€œCareerā€ or ā€œTechnologyā€ would be fine.

Take care, thanks for sharing, and keep writing *HeartT*


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
16
16
Review by
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Greetings, Rick,

I found this with the Random Read and Review button.

A charming summary of what could be a long and fascinating fantasy saga, built with lovely picturesque language that captures the essence of the two fairy tribes. You show us the elements of what make them unique to the lands they hail from, and we see the conflict between them as they try to acquire the magic crystal. The potential for a peaceful resolution is promised in the meeting of the two characters, and we hope eagerly for an expanded story someday to explore the colorful dynamics of this setting.

I have nothing to suggest other than perhaps a font enlargement (Size 4 Verdana is preferred) and a continuation of the story.

Take care, thanks for sharing, and keep writing *HeartT*


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
17
17
Review by
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Greetings and Happy Account Anniversary!

This is a double fun review for me because it showed up using the Random Read and Review button. I love riddles, though I have a certain impatience with mind games and puzzlesā€¦ I have a quick mind for the most part, but the silly thing about that is if a puzzle (those logic ā€œfill in who did what when according to a few cryptic cluesā€ come to mind) takes me more than ten minutes or so to figure out Iā€™ll toss it aside or look at the answers *Rolling*

Fortunately, your creative approach to Pi didnā€™t take long at all for me to discover the inherent meaning built into it. And you didnā€™t drag it out too long, either, as we know Pi is actually an infinite numberā€¦ an extra amusing touch is added by the observation that in fact, a title of two characters is too short. Iā€™ve done that once with the subtitleā€¦ or was that a blog entry? Anyway, a thoroughly enjoyable read, carefully constructed and making perfect sense. The note in the subtitle about ā€œpurely platonicā€ and the general wording about the whole and the central concept reminds me of my Momā€™s Philosophy classes sheā€™s working on, taught by Dr. Roy Clouser, who studied under Dr. Herman Dooyeweerd many decades ago. Philosophy is a fascinating subject that can put you to sleep, paradoxicallyā€¦ *Sleeping*

Take care, thanks for sharing and keep writing *Smile* *HeartT*


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
18
18
Review by
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: ASR | N/A (Review only item.)
Greetings,

A cute chapter in a romance saga. You have all the elements of a good story and then some: likable characters with internal and external conflicts, love and snuggles, adventures, mishaps, misunderstandings, and questions that make us wonder what happens next. I may drop by your port to see the rest of the story. It reminds me a little bit of Snoopyā€™s attempt at the Great American Novel: ā€œIt was a dark and stormy night. Suddenly, a shot rang out. The maid screamed. A door slammed. Suddenly, a pirate ship appeared on the horizon!ā€

But honestly, thereā€™s nothing wrong with that at all. It was a fun read.

Take care, thanks for sharing, and keep writing *HeartT*


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
19
19
Review by
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Greetings,

This was fascinating and deeply alarming, as we see a timid and mild young man forced into a very strange position. As background for a novel, it does its job well, though I see some hints at the quickness or sketchiness of the writing. Your unique style is evident, showing more than you tell and making us read between the lines and pick up the cues of the context and setting. Remember as you write the novel, the four main ingredients of good literature: goals, stakes, obstacles and character development arcs.

I donā€™t have much to suggest here, but Iā€™m pretty sure I want to know what happens next. (That isnā€™t a promise to get around to reading or reviewing the novel if you provide access, however. Iā€™m terrible with big items. Iā€™ve already forgotten about someoneā€™s review request.)It provides a good opening. Will Gregor be the main protagonist, or is he the antihero who gets squelched in the end, or is it something else? Lots of potential here for a long fantasy saga.

Take care, thanks for sharing, and keep writing *HeartT*


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
20
20
Review by
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
Greetings,

Nice! Allow me to waste your time with a complimentary review of this fun little quiz. I remember building my own quiz for "Game of Thrones"  and being a little confused by the possibilities of a ā€œweightedā€ score or a non weighted one. I see now that such an option has a lot of potential for ā€œlabelingā€ people, like the pesky irresistible quizzes we take sometimes on websites with a million ads, which promise to tell you what kind of Squishmallow you are if you tell them what kind of movies, books, donuts and other things you likeā€¦ *Laugh*

I canā€™t think of anything to correct or suggest here; it helped me understand the point of an element in the quiz building process, and it was fun and also thought provoking, as I chuckled and asked myself how happy my morning meal was and whether I care if the chicken came first or the egg (I donā€™t!)

Take care, thanks for sharing, and keep up the good work *ThumbsUpL* *HeartT*
21
21
Review by
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
Greetings and Happy Account Anniversary!

I just couldnā€™t resist another one of your offerings hereā€¦ I see this is a darker and more dramatic episode. You have painted an all-too-realistic picture of something that could easily happen in real life, with Markā€™s foolishness leading to a terrible disaster. I marvel at how you can take a single prompt word and create a memorable story out of it. The little details of the car trip and the characters are easily visualized without being too exaggerated or stereotypical. The tension rises right from the start as we see Mark running and slowly guess what happened as the situation unfolded. We are left at the same spot we were in the opening, wondering what will become of Mark and feeling the distress of this cautionary tale. It reminds me of things I see in the news.

Take care, thanks for sharing and keep writing *Smile* *HeartT*


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
22
22
for entry "Moss (June 19 - Moss)" 
Review by
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
Greetings and Happy Account Anniversary!

Another brief tale from your collection. The premise of those awful big box bargain basement gnomes taking over the neighborhood with moss is quaint and absurdly, darkly amusing. One can apply the theme to different situations; it makes me think of the issues of litter and ā€œtrendy trashā€ that goes from the store to the landfill all too quickly with disastrous consequences. I also canā€™t help being reminded of what itā€™s like to live in Florida for any length of time - Spanish moss has the same insidious properties of dank, humid, ā€œmurderousā€ takeover that your fairytale moss does. Indeed, I suspect Spanish moss is the cause of a lot of sickness that goes around down here in the tropics. Bleh.

It also reminds me of the ā€œpillar of saltā€ story of Lotā€™s wife; one single failure or moment of weakness led to her demise, even as she understood the source of the problem. Youā€™ve made a quick and creative tale which was a fun read.

Take care, thanks for sharing and keep writing *Smile* *HeartT*


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
23
23
Review by
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Greetings and welcome to writing.com!

Oh boy, this is hilarious. I half expected some dark twist to come along, as those are so common around here, but no, itā€™s a lighthearted adventure that would be really fun to read aloud to kids.

Youā€™ve set up a truly preposterous situation and peopled it with two spunky young girls on a quest for super cheap donuts. Janetā€™s singleminded obsession with acquiring the donuts sets us up for lots of amusing back and forth as her more skeptical friend realizes the insanity of whatā€™s happening. Yet they venture outside anyway and experience the total oblivionation (wait, I just made up a wordā€¦?) of a pesky little mountain which was in their way. No one gets hurt, and the donut acquisition process continues apace, with some new landscapingā€¦

I love everything about this story; it really made my day to find it on the Read a Newbie sidebar. The writing style is bright and engaging, and the characters are well drawn and realistic. I would suggest using Size 4 Verdana font to ensure readability and accessibility across devices. I also recommend adding a primary genre other than ā€œContest entry,ā€ which is considered a dud category. Three relevant genres helps others find it when browsing, and also gives more opportunities to be nominated for a Quill Award. (Stop by the portfolio of Lilli šŸ§æ ā˜• for anything you might wish to know about our yearly awards *Smile*) Anyway, I would recommend using ā€œScience Fictionā€ as the primary genre and then ā€œFantasyā€ and ā€œComedy,ā€ in that order.

Take care, thanks for sharing and keep writing *Smile* *HeartT*


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
24
24
Review by
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
Greetings and Happy Account Anniversary!

Ah, this is nice. I love short stories, and youā€™ve packed a delightful selection into this book. Iā€™d love to browse and probably will over the next few days.

Your premise of having us watch the guardian angel at his first job is heartwarming and amusing. I wasnā€™t sure if there would be something terrible that might happenā€¦ Iā€™ve read other ā€œguardian angel and young racecar driversā€ stories here, and they were a bit darker. This takes a lighthearted approach and ensures that all the main characters survive, with a cheerful sign off that hints warmly at more.

As a pint sized story, this has a casual, homey style, in the first person pov of the inexperienced angel. The plot falls into place with enough predictability to be a pleasant read, yet with enough tension and drama to keep us reading to the end.

As before (and I hate saying this several times over to the same person...) size 4 Verdana font. That's all I can find to make a suggestion about. This was enjoyable.

Take care, thanks for sharing and keep writing *Smile* *HeartT*


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
25
25
Review of BLUE BOOKCASE  
Review by
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Greetings and Happy Account Anniversary!

I missed this when I conducted my Game of Thrones port raid in April *Laugh*

What a wonderful family member you had in your Granduncle while you were growing up. His wisdom and devotion and understanding reminds me of an uncle figure I have in my head who needs a story. I wish Iā€™d had someone like that when I was a kid.

First thing I would suggest right off is using size 4 Verdana font to ensure readability and accessibility across devices. Also, I noticed thereā€™s a random comma between the fourth and fifth paragraphs up from the bottom. Also, I might question the use of all caps in the title.

Aside from that, your personal narrative is well written and clear, with a heartfelt theme of love and family. I appreciate your wanting to share this with us. Your Granduncleā€™s loving care is made clear in his hard work to build your bookshelf to your specifications, while instilling deep lessons on what he sees as the important things of life. While I donā€™t really agree with spiritual relativism as it relates to morals and worldview, I do think the world needs to be a kinder and more tolerant place, and it canā€™t be a bad thing to be assured of the safe passing of a loved one to a better place. The profound effect his character had on your life is a fine and heartwarming story.

Take care, thanks for sharing and keep writing *Smile* *HeartT*


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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