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Review Requests: ON
1,493 Public Reviews Given
1,547 Total Reviews Given
Review Style
Honest and encouraging
I'm good at...
Proofreading for grammar, letting you know which areas of your writing work and which might be improved
Favorite Genres
Fantasy, historical, adventure, sci-fi
Least Favorite Genres
Murder, horror, erotica
Favorite Item Types
I’m happy to review all types of item
I will not review...
Anything with graphic violence, sexual content or profanity
Public Reviews
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526
526
Review by HollyMerry
Rated: ASR | N/A (Review only item.)
My favourite part was where they watched the fireworks, it sounds lovely and it was very appropriate reading this chapter as there have just been fireworks for the 5th of November here in the UK. They are always nice to watch. I also liked the art gallery visit and mentions of Marie Antoinette - very French and right for the 18th C time period. The reaction of Miles and Bradley when they discovered that the gypsies had followed them was great, I could just picture them fuming!
527
527
Review of New Sig  
Review by HollyMerry
Rated: E | (5.0)
What a beautiful picture! It is so detailed it looks real, that dragon is very sweet. Well done for winning this through a contest.
528
528
Review by HollyMerry
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
The opening was great and grabbed my attention. I love the way that Beltron twists Fraeon's threat back at him!
I presume that Beltron uses magic here: 'Deep in thought, he waved his hand in front of a wall and it slid open with a thunderous scraping sound.' However, as this is the first time the reader encounters Beltron it might be a good idea to make it clear he can use magic to open the walls in this sentence, maybe just by adding '... it magically slid open.'
Do you mean dragged instead of drug here? '...being drug into the room..' Having a friend in danger makes for great stakes and the fight sequences are ace - gripping and well paced.
The change in pace and mood of the story after the gripping and fast-paced opening to Mortog's thoughts and ordinary home life was skilfully done. It was nice to have this moment of calm to allow the reader to rest and to understand more about the characters and the world of the story. I liked the way in which many details of Mortog's life were relatable - squabbling siblings and his trip to the diner to meet his girlfriend. The mention of her shaving her beard was nice and reminded me that female dwarves are bearded so that most people think there are no female dwarves, only males!
529
529
Review by HollyMerry
Rated: ASR | N/A (Review only item.)
A very dramatic episode! Lots of twists here. Poor Megan having to go through the heartbreak of thinking Miles might love Rachael and then this propels her towards finding the gypsies to see if she can get back to the present. Jennifer did well steering Megan out when she had the fire poker ready! The plot moved quickly and even at the end after Megan and Miles make things up more trouble is brewing with the mysterious banging...
530
530
Review of love is like  
Review by HollyMerry
Rated: E | (5.0)
An awesome poem with original and creative imagery for a common poetic theme - love. The metaphors that you chose were perfectly chosen well thought out and made me think deeply about love. The likening of love to having a new haircut or the tide was so novel yet when I read about why you'd chosen these metaphors they were so true.
My favourite part of the poem was:
'Love is like breathing
With the right person it's so natural
But with the wrong one it can feel terminal'
To me this sums up the level of thought you've put into it.
The poem was well written and flowed well. The only change you need to make is to correct 'You;re' to 'You're' in the third stanza.
531
531
Review by HollyMerry
Rated: E | (5.0)
A well written and fun fantasy read. The story was told well from the point of view of Daniel and I liked the dialogue between him and the hobgoblin. The description of the hobgoblin was great. This story was an interesting read and has a lot of potential.
532
532
Review of The theft.  
Review by HollyMerry
Rated: E | (5.0)
Well written and gripping. I love how you combine a range of emotions in this piece from revulsion at the horrific way in which the puppies come into the world, to sweetness as Brenda holds the puppy and it looks trustingly at her, to tension and fear at the end as Brenda senses the hellhounds behind her. The puppy makes me wonder if all hellhounds will turn out evil if they are handled right or if their evil is inherent in the breed? Also, who is Puck?
533
533
Review by HollyMerry
Rated: ASR | N/A (Review only item.)
A lovely, well written chapter. This one felt like one of Jane Austen's works with its focus of characters and their relationships expressed through dialogue. How the characters tried to stay polite whilst talking to the gypsy Zalita and her boyfriend but were actually worried about the gypsies was a great touch. The family introductions were nicely done. I wonder what will happen after the cliff-hanger ending as Megan confronts Rachael...
534
534
Review by HollyMerry
Rated: ASR | N/A (Review only item.)
Oops, the ending made me laugh when the ladies spot the gypsies waving them and know they will be in trouble. Another nicely written chapter with lovely descriptions and a fun, easy to follow story.
535
535
Review by HollyMerry
Rated: E | (5.0)
The opening paragraph captured my attention with its memorable and quirky details about Brenda's name and the way in which the teasing has now changed to respect for her as she is highly placed. For the first line I'm not sure if the comma between Brenda and Bench is working well: 'Her name was Brenda, Bench.' I wondered if it might be better to remove it or say something like: 'Her name was Bench, Brenda Bench' (reiterating the chapter title) or 'Her name was Brenda, Brenda Bench' which would make introducing her full name sound like speech?
The names are memorable, I also like Mira Black which has such a sinister feel.
So much of the story feels relatable and you do well at peppering in touches to remind the reader that the story is set in an amazing sci-fi world. I particularly liked 'Brenda heard several barricades being lowered on the other side, and could feel high level telepathic shielding being raised.'
The mention of sinister elements like the hellhounds, repulsive chuck of rotting flesh and bullet holes made me shudder and I anticipate a tense struggle for Brenda in the story ahead.
536
536
Review by HollyMerry
Rated: ASR | N/A (Review only item.)
So, the gypsies are coming back! I guessed that they might as they know about the moonstone that can get the women back to the present. Poor Megan and Jennifer, it sounds like they regret their party in third class what with the telling off and the hangovers!
537
537
Review by HollyMerry
Rated: ASR | N/A (Review only item.)
Poor Margaret having seven more babies! I like the way that this bit of information was introduced as a surprise. The quilting was a nice activity to include as ladies spent so long sewing then. The pink and purple butterflies sound pretty. The third class party reminded me of Titanic. I wonder what will happen now Megan and Jennifer have been found out by their Regency husbands?
538
538
Review of Rise of Refuge  
Review by HollyMerry
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
Annette comes across as a likable character from the start. I also felt curious about how an 18 year old girl became head of such an important problem-solving group. I guessed she has some special abilities that I wanted to discover more about. Clues about these unfolded throughout the rest of the chapter, many cleverly woven into the dialogue she has in the meeting. These made me curious about the alien race and their culture.
The pace of the story was good and the world of Refuge well imagined and interesting.
I loved this brilliantly funny description: 'She had to have her minor meltdown now, or she would have been squeezed out thin like expired toothpaste from a punctured tube under the foot of an elephant.'
In the final sentence you need to add a quotation mark to close Kadin's words as there isn't one currently: “Let’s teleport back to the hut and gather our things before our father can burn them. He had a plan… they followed through.
539
539
Review by HollyMerry
Rated: ASR | N/A (Review only item.)
Spooky! It was such a tragic story for Darrell and Annabelle, I'm glad they get to be together forever happily as ghosts though. I image being a ghost on a ship is more fun that being stuck in the same place on land anyway - think of all the places they will travel! The atmosphere was great and the descriptions helped me picture the scene.
540
540
Review by HollyMerry
Rated: ASR | N/A (Review only item.)
Nessie was so cute! I love how she appeared wanting petting. This Regency world full of fantasy creatures and adventure is so much fun. Despite the tedium of the long ship journey I don't think I'd ever want to go back to the present if I could be in the story with the ladies.
541
541
Review of Victorian Tea  
Review by HollyMerry
Rated: E | N/A (Review only item.)
What an amazing day! You describe the scene so colourfully with the descriptions of the gorgeous costumes, items for sale, tea and who was there - I could just picture it. It's nice to write about special days like this as it helps with remembering things, I find that when I look back in my diaries.
I love the opening where the man in historical dress gets out a car because it sets the scene perfectly as you and your Mom move from the modern day into a Jane Austen tea experience. I have a Regency re-enactment friend whose car broke down whilst he was wearing his Regency outfit, he was stood by the road waiting for the breakdown people to arrive getting lots of odd looks as he looked like Mr Bennett!!!
542
542
Review by HollyMerry
Rated: E | (5.0)
I had never heard of a rougarou before and I liked the way that you wove what they were like and how they appear into the dialogue so that I could picture one.
This was a gripping and well written piece with an unexpected twist at the end that made me smile. I particularly like the way in which both the kids and the supposed rougarou were scared for different reasons when they spotted each other.
The description of the father looking like a wild giant was great - I could just picture him and it set the expectation of what his character would be as he gives Benny a telling off. It also made it realistic when later the kids mistake him for a rougarou.
Another nice description was 'crickets argued.'
The moments of realism amongst the supposed supernatural happening helped the story stay grounded - the inclusion of how salt melts snails was a nice example of this.
543
543
Review of Enchanted Forest  
Review by HollyMerry
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
I like the idea of option two.
This piece was well written and full of beautiful descriptions of the lovely fantasy forest setting. The beginning gripped my attention, especially as it was revealed that the character I had become had wings so was likely a fairy.
Happy writing!
544
544
Review by HollyMerry
Rated: ASR | (4.0)
This piece was full of suspense and has great potential to make a wonderful action adventure story. The fantasy setting was good and the characters were well differentiated and easy to identify with.

The ending was a surprise and made me want to read on to find out what happens next and who the main character of the novel will be with Gorkan dead. It also makes me hate the tyrant Prince Keldron more and feel as eager to see his downfall as the key characters. This is a great way of getting the reader to identify with their struggle.

My favourite section because of how easy it was to picture and the emotional tug involved was:
The time came up on Gorkan to blow the wall. He hesitated slightly and looked at his third-grade teacher asleep on the line dangling one hundred and fifty feet off the ground, closed his eyes and set off the explosives right when Keldron was to be at the bottom of that shaft that day. With his eyes closed remembering his third-grade teacher with tears in his eyes, he thought, 'At least he be sleepin' when it happened.'

This sentence is missing a quotation mark at the start:
There will have te be some losses if we are te gain a kingdom free o' his tyrannical rule. Look at him, he hasn't eaten in two days an hasn't slept in probably longer than dat."

My main criticism of the piece was the use of phonetic spelling for the dialogue. As the piece was dominated by dialogue (as it should be) this made it difficult to read as I had to read a lot of the dialogue twice to work out what was being said. It would be better to say early on that the dwarves speak with an accent (maybe liken it to a known accent like Irish or Scottish or something?) then write the dialogue in plain English.
545
545
Review by HollyMerry
Rated: ASR | N/A (Review only item.)
I love the whales that appeared here, what an amazing sight. I would love to see whales and dolphins. Thank goodness for the pirates sinking the whaling ship, whaling is an evil thing to do. It was nice to see the whales appear safe again. I wonder if the gypsies appear later in this story as the ladies talk about them here?
546
546
Review by HollyMerry
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
This was a wonderfully moving and well written piece. I love folklore and am familiar with the tales of banshees and I think that they make great potential for stories. You have drawn upon the legends excellently here. The piece is well written and gripped my attention from the opening paragraph. The reader immediately cares about Cathair and his plight as he rides out to fight the injustice done by the brutish clan that outnumber him and his companions. The appearance of the banshee added a magical element to the story. I loved the way she transforms as Cathair died, at least there was some comfort in his tragic death.
You mean he at the start of this sentence: 'Her spurred his horse to a trot.'
547
547
Review by HollyMerry
Rated: ASR | (4.5)
A beautiful piece with vivid and lovely descriptions. The first person narration made the reader identify with the narrator and feel as though they were in the scene themselves. The sense of enchantment and the customs that are part of the main character's life were well done.
548
548
Review by HollyMerry
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Wow! This story is wonderful - full of interest and so gripping. The vividly described opening scene draws the reader in by using all the senses and imagery so that the reader can picture the scene. As a lover of Celtic folktale creatures, I appreciated the references to selkies, banshees, kelpies and other beings. The pace of the story was good and it was full of tense and entertaining moments. One of my favourite parts was where Shannon discovers that Andreas has a sword in his trunk - I loved the jokes that he might use it to fight leprechauns and about how it got the nickname 'potato peeler.'
549
549
Review by HollyMerry
Rated: E | N/A (Review only item.)
I adored reading this well written piece about Downton Abbey. You have so many lovely pieces of writing in your portfolio that it takes a time discovering them all but I will be sure to read more Downton pieces.
I love Downton Abbey too and like you love seeing how women got more freedom in that time period and the wonderful costumes and characters. It was sad when Matthew died. The 1920s tea sounds amazing and you are so lucky getting to do that. Also the 1920s flapper costumed Barbie and miniature Downton Abbey mansion sound a lot of fun.
If I had lived in the First World War I would have done nursing like the Downton Abbey girls too. I am doing a research project for the National Trust about Teresa, an amazing WW1 nurse who lived in a beautiful mansion in England. I've written monthly blogs based on reading her letters on the Attingham WW1 Stories website and some talk about the fashions and women's lives at that time. I thought you might be interesting in having a quick look, here is a link: https://attinghamww1stories.wordpress.com/
550
550
Review by HollyMerry
Rated: ASR | N/A (Review only item.)
I love the descriptions of the lovely dresses and meals in your work - I can just picture them. The episode with Bryon falling over the side of the boat and being rescued by Megan, Jennifer and the others was dramatic. It was great that it made him have a change of heart and get his priorities right.
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