I never thought about what my shadow might be thinking or doing.
Love the title. (Reminded me of Peter Pan and Wendy, of course.) Sometimes after reading a good title and what goes with it, I like to think of other titles that might also fit. Like: Trampled Again, Always Under Foot, I'm Mocking You, The Shadow Knows.
I liked that the shadow could be a reason why one wakes. Never thought about that.
Howdy there, Tbird. It appears that you've just arrived among us and posted your first writing. As a baby boomer, I enjoyed this one. My hubby and I were just talking about skate keys the other night, and how we wore those crazy skates around everywhere.
Some suggestions:
1) There are a few places where you're missing commas. I'd go back over this, and put some in where you'd take a breath.
2) It would be easier to read with spaces between paragraphs.
This is a fantastic survey, Lexi. What a challenge you've taken on here. But in the end, you'll have a great list of love songs, eh?
As I commented on the survey itself, there might be more songs I would have wanted included. But right now, I have waaaaaaaaaaaaay too many love songs bouncing around in my mind to think about it.
I love this one Sophy. It speaks volumes in a few short words. No wonder it was one of those featured in the Romance/Love newsletter. Love your word crafting.
What a wonderful story about a wonderful dad. How blessed was this daughter to have such a dad.
A few suggestions:
I would probably change this sentence:
My mother and I were the ones that he would cook the most wonderful dinners for and adorn the table with flowers and chocolates.
You'd be the ones who, not the ones that. But I'd probably change the sentence to something like: He cooked the most wonderful dinners for my mother and me, and decorated the table with flowers and chocolates.
There's also a missing capital at the beginning of a sentence.
the car was chock full and I was ready for the two hour journey.
Thanks for sharing. And welcome to Writing.com. We're glad you're here.
What a fantastic idea. I've seen this title and haven't stopped to look and see what it was about. Glad I took the time now. You're so right, there is so much more to WDC than stories and poems. Thanks for a place to recognize those other things.
Welcome to Writing.com, dandelion. We're glad you're here. I noticed that this one has been rated by 3 folks, but I didn't find any reviews on the public review page. Hmmm.
I liked it, because I love stories and poems about God. And I'm always proud of those who proclaim their faith.
My only suggestion would be to read this aloud to make sure it flows properly. You rhymes are good. But as I read it aloud, I stumbled, trying to make it flow.
Wow. I'm not really sure that if I hadn't known the prompt that I would have figured this one out. Perhaps it's my age, for when I was younger this vandalizing was not the norm.
You've stated your opinion on this topic well. I did wonder, since it is an opinion piece, if you had a personal experience to share.
This type of relationship certainly has both pros and cons. Some start to have "feelings" for an online friend without even seeing a picture, so looks aren't an influence.
Still, as you point out, there are those who hide their true identities. Those persons can be dangerous.
Interesting reactions to a cheating partner. I have a sister who was married for 26 years who just discovered her hubby has been cheating for years. I wonder what she's feeling...
Anyway, I would change your description. Right now, it reads: The stages one goes through when they find out their partner has been cheating on them.
Since you're talking about one person, it should say:
The stages one goes through when she finds out her partner has been cheating on her.
Wow. That's an ending I didn't anticipate. I liked the story, though. I knew I had to read it wne the description mentioned the 60's. (I graduated high school in 1970.)
Some suggestions:
After about 5 minutes of constant writing, my thoughts we spilled out onto the paper.
For about five minutes, the words spilled onto the paper. Or...keep your sentence and change "we" to "were"?
Then, as if on cue, we both turned to look at eachother. each other
"Kelly, i want you to be my girl Needs a capital "I".
This is excellent. With just a few lines, you've said so much. The rhythm and rhymes are good. It has a real bounce to it as it's read aloud. And the message is timeless. Seriously, this is a message so many need to hear. We need to slow down and enjoy life.
What's sad is that it's proven that most folks who do abuse children are relatives or family friends.
We like to think that we've come a long way here in the U.S. about discrimination. Yet we still discrimate - on the basis of color, race, gender, body weight, age, and sexual preferences.
I'm sorry you experience this. Thanks for sharing. Perhaps someone will read this and have his/her eyes opened.
Funny story. And what a reaction Sonny had about meeting his former classmate. Perfect life? Hmmm.
My only negative thought is that there are a few sentences with so many commas. Yikes. They're punctuated properly, but still, as they usually represent places where one would take a breath (if reading aloud), I found myself almost hyperventilating.
Welcome to Writing.com, dark writer. We're glad you're here!
The rating I've chosen is because this piece needs some work. Your description and the editorial itself contain spelling errors that should be picked up with spell checker. It's also customary to capitalize days of the week.
As a Christian, and one who has lived in the Bible belt, I understand your frustration. Indeed, it seems that those who need to shout from the rooftops about their faith are the ones often not living it. I'm sorry that persons who claim to be Christian are behaving so badly in your school. That certainly goes against the teachings of Jesus.
Thanks for sharing this personal struggle. One never knows who will read and be blessed by something like this.
Some suggestions:
Growing up in Colorado, my father continuously taught me the virtues of living by certain principles.
Did your father grow up in Colorado? That's the way this sentence sounds. If you were the one growing up there, perhaps something like: Growing up in Colorado, I learned...
Seeing the soft earth, free of rocks and boulders, I released the break
Should be brake.
Thanks again for sharing.
Blessings,
Kenzie
Printed from https://shop.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/kenzie/sort_by/r.review_creation_time DESC/page/25
All Writing.Com images are copyrighted and may not be copied / modified in any way. All other brand names & trademarks are owned by their respective companies.
Generated in 0.73 seconds at 2:44pm on Jul 03, 2024 via server web1.