School should be remembered as a good experience. Sadly, that's not always the case anymore. I think it's because schools don't teach the joy of learning. Oh well....
If I read this correctly, you're still rather young to be realizing that school is a good memory.
Some suggestions:
It is this place that has provided me with the fondest of memories and the happiest of times.
Since your piece is written in the past tense, I'd change this sentence to, "It was" or "It has been."
On being asked I replied “the teacher had said ‘you should eat vitamin tablets tomorrow’ and I have not.”
This sentence is a bit confusing. I think I understand.... "On being asked why, I replied, "yesterday the teacher said, 'you should eat vitamin tablets tomorrow' and I have not." Or some such... This is still a bit confusing.
What an interesting poll. To vote - and give "advice", folks have to read the stories you've linked. Pretty creative way of getting folks to read your other stories or story sketches.
I wonder...which of these you like best or feel you'd like to pursue?
What a hoot! You've explained what happens with some women and menopause rather well, and with a great sense of humor. We must keep a sense of humor while going through this. And husbands have to be near saints as we do...
Good job! I'm glad you included this in your comment for the spiritual newsletter. The poem has a great message. I like how it's formatted too, with the question at the end of each verse.
The bulldozer and front-end loader circle the small field behind my house like a pair of doddering old dancers long past their prime.
I liked that you kept calling them dancers too.
Perhaps this hit home because I remember when this happened to our neighborhood as a child. One day our neighborhood was the home to horses, cows, chickens and goats. Then in no time at all, there were 300 homes built in what used to be a farmer's field. Sad.
Excellent! The rhyme and rhythm are good, and the explanation? Well, I'm certain that my 20 year old son would understand perfectly about having a banana in your brain. No wonder you received an award for this on.
Thanks for sharing. I must send a link to this to my son.
Good job. Another reviewer pointed out the few minor problems, so I won't repeat them. Like that reviewer, I wouldn't want you showing up at my door...
This story actually probably hits home to most writers. (Except for the ending, of course.) Often, the writings we think are the best are the ones others find "unfocused."
What a wonderful story. It's well written, of course. But it also holds a great lesson. I like that.
Isn't it interesting that God can send other humans or even his creatures to help us learn?
Thanks for sharing.
Blessings,
Kenzie
"A rock pile ceases to be a rock pile the moment a single man contemplates it, bearing within him the image of a cathedral." --Antoine De Saint-Exupery
Good story. I had just the slightest idea what that secret was at the begining, but that didn't detract from the story at all. I would suggest that you rate this a bit higher...so that young folks don't stumble upon it and learn this secret themselves.
You had a few really long sentences. I would find a way to change them into smaller ones. Here's an example: This included an early morning mass ten miles away, a home school art class at her own home immediately afterwards, then skipping a crabby four-year-old's nap to take two teenagers in the raging snow to their carpool ten miles away for a weekend youth group retreat, then back home to watch a friend's daughter while she took a Holy Hour at church, then cooking dinner & immediately afterwards driving a child an hour away to Toledo to spend the weekend with her Godparents for her Godsister's confirmation.
Also, I would replace the ampersands with the word "and."
Bless your heart, this is a beautiful story. Another reviewer pointed out some tiny flaws, but to me they were'nt important. (Besides, why repeat them...even if they were!)
This one tugged at my heart strings. I'm sure it's because my father has Alzheimer's. He's still at home with mom (who is now developing dimentia herself...sigh). Each evening, they sit on the sofa together and Mom tells him all about their lives together - 55 years. He still remembers who she is, but he often forgest about much of their time together. So she repeats their story for him each night. At the end, she always says, "And we've been married now for 55 years - and if you count the time we were going steady too, we've been together for almost 60 years. And we still love each other!"
Reading your story brought tears to my eyes. Any story that can make me feel - sad or happy - that makes my heart sing or makes tears trickle, or that makes me think...that's a great story in my book.
This is a well written request asking for advice on whether or not to attend the Poetry.com convention.
I did find one error:
Eveing gowns (Should be evening gowns)
As to the advice, I would read and re-read that link you were given about what the scam of Poetry.com. Many have written horrible poetry just to see if they would select it as a "winner"...and they did! Every "poet" I've ever known to submit to them is selected as a winner - and asked to start sending money...for anthologies, for trips, etc.
A real poetry contest will award prizes, not ask for money to receive awards.
Thanks for sharing. Much needs to be shared about this scam!
Interesting poll. Hmmm. Like the majority of your voters, I picked, "A long piece that lost the plot halfway through." But that's true mostly of writings other than poetry. I think my real gripe in poetry is rhyming that is sing-songy. I rather like free verse myself...
I love it! Although I'm not that well endowed myself, my mother is and my grandmother was...and they both always had this problem. You explained it well and made me laugh to boot. That always deserves a 5 in my book - near flawless writing and giving me a chuckle are worth a bunch!
Good poem, I think. The questions are ones I've also expressed. As one who likes to awake to watch the dawn and watch the birds and squirrels come to life, it's hard to understand how others question the existence of a Creator. I noticed that your reviews and ratings on this have been low, probably because they've been done by those who don't believe. Perhaps having this on the public review page will attract more who do believe. I hope so.
Good job. I'm not sure how I missed this before Christmas, but I'm glad I found it now. Indeed, our kids need to be taught that Christmas is a celebration of the birth of Jesus. And certainly has nothing to do with huge blow-up Grinches in the yard!
Sometimes kids only need a small suggestion to help them come around to what should be. I once did a children's sermon and asked a simple question. "How would you feel if it was your birthday and everyone was exchanging gifts with each other, but not even singing "happy birthday" to you?"
The kids ended up making a birthday cake for Jesus. They got the point.
Blessings,
Kenzie
Printed from https://shop.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/kenzie/sort_by/r.review_creation_time DESC/page/45
All Writing.Com images are copyrighted and may not be copied / modified in any way. All other brand names & trademarks are owned by their respective companies.
Generated in 0.64 seconds at 6:00am on Sep 08, 2024 via server web1.