Good job! I like the repetition. Even though there doesn't have to be any "formula" for a poem like this, I still might shorten a few lines if it were mine.
Interesting thoughts. I think punctuation is necessary. It allows us (not tells us) to pause to take a breath as we read aloud. And as you so aptly pointed out, if there was no punctuation, the words would almost be at war with each other.
Well done! To be able to describe loneliness or being alone in so few words takes talent. I'm impressed. Good word crafting. (And I guess I do envy folks who can weave meaning with few words. I can't!)
Well done! To be able to describe loneliness or being alone in so few words takes talent. I'm impressed. Good word crafting. (And I guess I do envy folks who can weave meaning with few words. I can't!)
Good job! This poem explains the four temperments well, and in poetry form. How creative. The rhymes and rhythms work. And I'm fascinated that you were able to weave this message so well.
I love it! Rhyme, rhythm and message are all wonderful. This is simple enough that a child could read and understand. Especially the beginning lines. But the message is both simple and deep.
A pretty good poem. Probably familiar feelings for many, since long distance relationships seem to be on the rise.
Some here will suggest that capital letters and punctuation make poems easier to read. Perhaps they do, although there have been famous poets who ignore them.
I might change some things - making the lines have a more even rhythm.
For instance:
yellow crayon sunshine, skies of ocean blue
I'd make that:
yellow crayon sunshine,
skies of ocean blue
Interesting poll. I think the thing that bothers me about our borders not being secure is what was covered on the news yesterday - that terrorists can enter easily.
Having lived in areas where there were lots of illegals working - in FL and in TX - I can tell you that they usually took jobs no one else wanted. That's been the case for years and years.
Yes, those businessmen could be forced to pay better wages so that Americans would want the jobs. That would also mean that we'd all pay more for the crops they pick.
Good job. I was at St. Patrick's myself as a teen - many years ago. I've never forgotten the visit, nor the feelings I had while inside. Like you, I wasn't a Catholic. But the beauty of the place was amazing. And I did feel God's presence there, I'm certain.
Your description was good. I imagine you cut and pasted from another program, so you might want to format differently here.
And...be sure to let us know what happened to the building.
This is beautiful, got words?. I'm sorry your lost your Father. But these words that comforted you, might comfort others as well. I've put this in my favorites folder, in fact. My own parents are elderly and not well, so I may need this reminder myself one day soon.
I liked this! It's short, but it does say quite a bit - about you and about your writing too. "Gravid dreams"...good phrase, good description! (Some might even have to look that one up!)
Amen! Well written and well said. I love titles and they often draw me to a piece of writing. But I am certainly turned away just as quickly at the accompanying description that begs for ratings or, worse, tells that the poem or story is lousy. Indeed. Why bother.
You've said it all...
Blessings,
Kenzie
P.S. Folks could take a lesson from your own description. It does explain quite well.
Cute story. Makes me think of my own brother when he was a kid, though. If someone had told him there was a sock monster, he probably would have never worn socks again or gone near the dryer either. (Someone did tell him there was something in the basement and he didn't go there for 2 years!)
Whew. You've told this horrible story so well. My heart is still pounding - as if I had actually experienced the storm. (Maybe since I've lived on the Gulf Coast of FL and TX I really can "feel" the experience.)
I know one individual whose home was tortured by the 4 storms that went through FL. With each one, FEMA gave him a check to repair, but contractors were all tied up. When the last storm struck, there was not much left. But he and his pets survived.
I think that's what's really amazing - that so much material destruction happened, but lives were saved.
Thanks for sharing. I've considered moving back into hurricane land...but after this year, I'm just not so sure...
I love you title! And your article is right on. Sometimes it is okay to use the passive voice. (I wonder...have you been on the receiving end of some reviews saying otherwise? I know I have!)
Thanks for the reminder. You're right. There are no absolutes.
Good poem - and story. Sorry if you've had some bad results in reviewing. We all have. That doesn't mean we should give up.
And you know...about this verse:
And those ones who cannot write,
Well, I'll just bid them goodnight.
Ha! Let them write complete dreck,
It's no skin off my, er, neck!
I've been reading and writing for longer than lots of folks here have even been alive. Sometimes...folks who start out writing horribly are the very ones who get published. Go figure.
Hey, happy birthday Harry. I always love your storoems. Is that what you call them? Story/poems? I do love them, and this is no exception. You've done it again.
My, my...yes, a bunch has happened in the world in your 60 years. But you've done lots too!
Wow, what a powerful letter. Not knowing of whom or what you spoke/wrote, the letter still brought tears to my eyes. Then, when at the end, you explained your love, I cried even more.
This line, especially tore me up...once I knew...
My mother brought us together and because of that I trusted you completely.
Congrats on those 8 years! Keep it up...and write on!
Blessings,
Kenzie
P.S. I'm glad you've received an award for this one!
Wow... The repetition did it for me. At first I wondered what we weren't telling a soul about. Then I began to understand, at least I thought I did.
I loved this part:
Day in, day out your life is incomplete, for though you will not tell a soul it is still upon your face, you think no one can tell as you act so very well ever trying to never show what you will not tell a soul.
You know...this must not be uncommon. I think Dr. Phil's show is even trying to get first loves together to see what has happened over the years.
What a hoot! You've made my day with this one. I wonder if all adults want those boxes of 64 crayons when they shop for their kids' school supplies. It does seem that it gets crowded at the part of the store.
Thanks for sharing this one. It makes me want to......color!
I think this is beautiful. I like how you've organized this. I like the repetition. And I love the words and the meaning! This is what I'd call true love - unconditional love!
It's not easy to write a "new" or "different" love poem. You did well.
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