Some good points. I also think that people who are not poets but enjoy a poem can say so in a review and be encouraging. Those who consider themselves poets can better give constructive criticisms. Either should be able to give suggestions about spelling.
Personally, I think reviews that take up so much space by using too much WritingML are not professional at all. But...that's just my opinion. (When I see long reviews in the public review section, I hardly glance at them. Truly. 2,000 characters for a review?)
Beautiful. It's a great story poem. As I read it aloud, I enjoyed both the rhythm and the rhyme. And...I even thought I was smelling those pies in the kitchen.
(I'm betting your kitchen would be just as warm and comfy. )
Good for you. An article like this should appear in newspapers all over the country periodically to remind people how important it is to visit the elderly. Even those still living at home.
My own grandmother was in a home for 8 years and we visited at least every week. But there was one woman who had been in the home for 20 years and had never had a single visitor. Even as a young person, I knew that was wrong!
One suggestion:
In the following paragraphs, I am going to list some experiences I have witnessed as a caregiver that demonstrate what I am talking about.
I think I'd try to reword this so it didn't end in "about."
This is a wonderful beginning. I think it's important that we know that people who have succeeded (and that doesn't necessarily mean financially), may not have been "perfect people." It's important that we understand that lots of people have struggles - of some kind.
I can't wait to see what happens as you build upon this one. I'm putting it in my favorites folder.
This is a wonderful beginning. I think it's important that we know that people who have succeeded (and that doesn't necessarily mean financially), may not have been "perfect people." It's important that we understand that lots of people have struggles - of some kind.
I can't wait to see what happens as you build upon this one. I'm putting it in my favorites folder.
The title, then the description drew me in. I'm glad you included the words to the Otis Redding tune at the bottom of the page...although now THAT song is in my head and won't go away!
I've been reading about what famous and often published poets think about poetry.
Nikki Grimes said of poetry, "Poetry is a literature of brushstrokes. The poet uses a few choice words, placed just so, to paint a picture, evoke an emotion, or capture a moment in time, often though not always with the measured use of rhyme."
Amen! Thanks for sharing and for witnessing. And welcome to Writing.com.
I know what you mean about folks questioning whether a 7 year old child can really be saved. That's how old I was too when I asked Jesus to be my Savior.
Like you, I know I it was the Holy Spirit leading me.
And, like you, there were some hard times in life before and after. I guess God knew we were in for some rough times...
This is quite a poem. Really good for a first poem. Because of its content, though, and what is implied but not really said, I would suggest a higher content rating.
Abuse is certainly something about which we need to keep writing. Women (and men) need to know that abuse is not something to hide, nor something they have to continue enduring.
This is a perfect prayer of an abused child. Thanks for sharing.
We need to continue to write about abuse - in poetry and in fictional and real life stories. The only way for victims to be armed is to know that others have survived. And that there are "angels" out there ready to help.
Excellent! You've described our world beautifully, and rhymed it well too. In my mind, when something makes me smile, makes me say, "Yes!" it deserves a 5. Perfection? To me, perfection is what makes me want to read more. (It doesn't really have to be perfect. There can even be mistakes, heaven forbid. But it it makes me long to read more, then it's perfect! Just thought I'd explain the 5...)
One of my sources suggested that "a flutter" should be a-flutter.
I find it hard to be really critical of poems or stories with the message of Christ's love. You're comparison of hands - a child's, one with a bit more work and experience, and those of Jesus, nail-scarred - is good.
I love it! What a wonderful eye witness. Good for you for thinking of having her tell the story.
Personally, I think when we write emotional pieces, our best work comes almost immediately. We may need a few minor adjustments, but if we really try editing an emotional piece, then we lose some of the impact. My opinion.
Anyway, there is one line where the formatting isn't right.
Good job. I think we'll all remember where we were and what we were doing that day. I was the first to arrive at in the newsroom of the local newspaper where I worked.
Anyway, back to your writing. It's been a long time ago since I studied Spanish, so I can't review that.
One suggestion:
The import of what my wife was trying to tell me finally sank in and I found myself pining for the days when the words dying, Americans, and Las Torres simply meant a tourist had journeyed to far from the relative safety of Revolution Boulevard in Tijuana, Mexico. Should be, "too far from..."
Interesting write. I guess I would have broken it down into paragraphs. (Having worked at a newspaper, I know there are editors who want 3-4 lines - tops - in a paragraph. They think the American public's interest and reading skills won't let them read long paragraphs. And...they might be right!)
Hey there newbie. You did a fine job of whining here. Believe me, we've all been in the same position as you have. Where do I start? How do I get noticed?
The only suggestion I have about this one is...
that ending with a preposition isn't always a good thing...
Are there any unwritten rules I should be aware of?
I know that...
Are there any unwritten rules about which I should be aware? sounds stilted, but it is more correct.
Anyway, about those questions of yours...
I'll post this review on the public review page - and end with a plea for you.
Hey folks, how about reading this newbie?
I'd also suggest that you visit the shamless plug page and post your work there. Get involved! Yes, read the work of others and review it. If you like to read and write, you will have something helpful to share.
Don't give up. Sometimes I'll discover the works of someone here that have gone ignored for a year! Now that's sad...especially if they are good stories or poems!
We're glad you're here. Don't give up. People will start to find you.
Good poem. I love surprise endings. (Although with the title, there was a bit of a hint.)
Another reviewer suggested that you might change one of the sing/sings in the first verse. Perhaps so, although having them both there isn't terribly wrong.
Good job. It's not easy to tell a complete story or thought with the use of so few words. But you did well. Loved the title, too. I'm always taken in by titles and descriptions.
I liked this poll! Those were all good movies. I guess I picked Bambi because it was the first movie I ever saw in a movie theater. I was only 4, and staying with an aunt while my mom had my brother Bill. Of course...I almost died from getting popcorn stuck in my throat. Still...
Good contest entry. Heartfelt. If I were you, I'd make this a few paragraphs to make it easier to read...and I'd put some lines between the paragraphs. Other than that, there were a few places where you forgot spaces after commas.
This is great, Dave. You've managed to tell us a lot about your day...without letting us get too close to what those things you needed to say and didn't and things you shouldn't have said but did. Good job.
Thanks for sharing. You hadn't posted anything new in a while, huh? Me either.
Well written, and obviously with much thought. I thought I saw a sentence fragment or two while reading, but when I went back to find them I couldn't. So go figure. Even if they are there, the writing style was conversational, so fragments would fit. It's how we often talk.
Should I counter with my opinion? Hmmm. I'll just tell you what I've heard from friends who just occasionally stop by here to read. They like the stars, because they don't want to read stuff that other writers have decided is below average. Point well taken, I think.
Thanks for sharing your opinion - and doing it well.
All Writing.Com images are copyrighted and may not be copied / modified in any way. All other brand names & trademarks are owned by their respective companies.
Generated in 0.72 seconds at 6:01pm on Sep 16, 2024 via server web1.
View Portfolio
Visit Notebook
Send Gift Points
Awards
Badges
Send Email
Community Newsfeed
General Discussion
Sponsored Items
Book of Trinkets
Static Items
Books
Groups
Interactive Stories
Audio
Campfire Creatives
Community Notes
Crossword Puzzles
Documents
Folders
Images
In & Outs
Madlibs
Photo Albums
Polls
Product Reviews
Quizzes
Survey Forms
Web Pages
Word Searches
)
