What a wonderful story. Don't those contests and prompts get the creative juices flowing?
The only thing I'd think about changing is......
But every time I start to feel a little superior to the rest of my family, I pull that bonnet out of my special box and think about Grandma, and remember where I came from.
Instead of ending the sentence with "from" I might try....
But every time I start to feel a little superior to the rest of my family, I pull that bonnet out of my special box and think about Grandma, and remember my roots.
This is a great story. What a lesson for each of us...that we are focusing on all the wrong things. For many of us, I imagine it would take just an event like this to wake us up to this fact.
Great story. I remember the first time I tried to put creases in my teen son's pants. He, too, informed me that just wasn't the style anymore. Getting the wrinkles out was okay, but nothing more. Who knew?
Some suggestions:
friends and families days off (these should be possessive not just plural)
You're going back and forth from present tense to past tense.
For instance:
I reckoned it would be raining by the time my fourteen year old son has to go to work and I will have to drive him. He works casual hours after school and holidays in a grocery store.
Try.......
I reckoned it would be raining by the time my fourteen year old son had to go to work and I would have to drive him. He worked casual hours after school and holidays in a grocery store.
That needs to be corrected throughout. Pick either present or past tense and stick with it. (I find it easier to write in past tense, but that's just me.)
My son, when he was just a little guy, once asked why we called this day Good Friday when it was so sad. I didn't even realize how sad it was until a few years ago when I read a medical doctor's article about what Jesus would have experienced physically that day.
But, as you said, we have reason to rejoice on Easter Sunday. He is risen!
Interesting poll. That 50% would like to be a doctor who discovered a cure is great. But that 46% want to be a mobster, a movie star or model is sad. Especially when only 4% would like to be President.
Perhaps at least one more answer might have been nice. Other or none of the above. I can't imagine that everyone who answers this poll will think one of those answers fits.
This is rather sad, indeed. But well worded sadness.
Makes me want to give the same lecture I gave to my son the other day about being sad and depressed. I think sometimes we're that way because we're focusing on ourselves too much. Perhaps if we'd get out and help others, we wouldn't have so much time to think about ourselves.
This is very informative and spells out precisely what happens when an upgrade runs out and is not renewed. I don't know why I haven't stumbled upon this earlier. I'm glad I did, though. The next time someone asks these questions, I'll have your article as reference.
Another wonderful poem. Your rhymes are never forced, and they pass my "test" - reading them aloud. (Often reading a poem aloud shows us places where some tweaking is required.)
Thanks for sharing your faith. Those whom God has gifted to write should do so, for His glory.
How wonderful. Advice for the bride comes from all directions, but it's rare to see advice to the groom. What a great idea...and in my favorite form - poetry.
I can see why this was included in the Romance/Love newsletter.
Hmmm. This is a good beginning for something. I guess I'm confused about the description and what it has to do with the story. "A man dances on a street corner with a child."
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Good writing, and good for you. Boy can I identify with being "between the cracks."
I home schooled my son because he wasn't a "cookie-cutter kid." Kids who don't fit the mold that public schools try to fit them all into do so well with home schooling - whether they're too bright or not bright enough, overly agressive or too cowardly. (And have you seen the statistics that show that home schooled kids don't need or use drugs for ADHD like they would if they were in public schools?)
I've written some things about being "different" lately myself. We may not be "successful" in the terms the world uses - fame and fortune - but in life terms, we're a cut above.
Thanks for the very thorough explanation of how to go about packaging things to send to our troops. Thanks, too, for remind us that even if we can't afford to buy for them or can't get out, we can certainly send letters.
A newspaper in our area came up with another way to show support for our local men and women serving in the military.
In Their Names (E) Support our troops. Volunteer "In Their Names." #657907 by Kenzie
Interesting poll. That most of the answers you've received have been none of the above and all of the above is really telling.
I realize that the real world is full of violence. I prefer to see it only in the nightly news. When reading, I prefer a good inspirational book or story. Guess that's why I write them as well.
To me, the darker we portray the world in movies and books and music, the darker it becomes. Wonder if it would work the other way?
Interesting poll. My choice for worst President wasn't listed, though, so I didn't vote. Perhaps you should add "other" and let us pick.
The ones you listed were all, in my opinion, equally good and bad - just for different reasons.
I you asked me which one I disliked most it would be Clinton, not just for his sexual adventures (which I know other Presidents had before him with more descretion), but for the lies he told and the lives he destroyed in his career. I think he dishonored the office of President horribly. (And that of Governor too.) In my opinion, he earned the nickname "Slick Willy" and it is for his deceipt that I dislike him most. (Not even getting into anything more political, like foreign policy.)
And if you asked me which Presidents I liked most, it would have to be the Bush father and son team. Of all the recent Presidents, I think they were the most genuine about their thoughts and feelings. Perhaps that's what the American public doesn't understand. Honesty is so rare in our world today that we tend to distrust the very word, the very idea. That doesn't make them perfect or imperfect, just likeable.
This is a well written and obviously well thought out article about the public review system. I agree with much of it, but not all. (If two people agree on everything, one of them is unnecessary?)
Three points that certainly need emphasis:
1) Copying a writer's entire story with a detailed critique takes up space and does make some writers NOT choose that story as something to read.
2) Copying a writer's entire story in a public review may be something the writer doesn't want. He/she may have restricted it to certain viewers for a reason.
3) How seriously can we take a public reviewer who screams about spelling, yet spells numerous words in the review incorrectly?
Again, well done. And since you've said it so well, the rest of us don't have to write our own article.
Everyone deserves that perfect love. I'm glad you're happy. (That doesn't mean I understand, but there are lots of things in this world I don't understand.)
Something that confused me was that throughout this story, there were "J's" sprinkled. And I didn't see a reason for that.
I probably would leave out all the "LOL's" too.
And I found these errors:
It was Spring of 2001 when I met him, though another friend. His best friend, actually, whom I had been talking to. (You have these lines twice in your story. The second sentence would be better not ending in "to." His best friend, actually, to whom I had been talking.)
They had been best friends all their lives, had actually known each other as long as they were toddlers. (since they were toddlers.)
When I first seen him he looked about 14 (When I first saw him...)
when I seen the expression on his (when I saw...)
Blessings,
Kenzie
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