Here's to open minds! I like what you've written here. It's certainly food for thought, and we all need to think and learn daily.
Some suggestions:
without these vital tools are minds (our minds)
forced to live a life of routine and schedual. (schedule)
Everything had a journey, a history, a story to which I emensly enjoy exploring. (Everything had a journey, a history, a story which I immensely enjoyed exploring.)
Excellent! You really had me going on this one. At first, I thought it really was about space stuff. Then, I started thinking about it, and I realized just what it was about. Weird alien thing, huh? Well thanks a lot!
There are a few places on this one where your formatting isn't quite right. Probably from cutting and pasting.
Wow. This is short, but it tells so much. And yet it leaves so many questions unanswered as well. Perhaps it hits me like a ton of bricks because I'm living with my elderly parents right now...and they've both talked about this kind of possibility if the time and illness made them think along these lines.
Wonderful! As one who worked as a church secretary, I think you've depicted what happens in churches sooooo well.
I took a class about ten years ago - beginning lay speaking - which really was about ministering through speaking, praying, serving, etc. One quote I took from that class - that I've shared with Sunday School classes ever since - was the suggestion of a prayer as one enters a worship service. "Lord, it is you I seek. Let me feel your loving embrace. Let me hear your voice. Let me feel your presence...through or in spite of...the pastor, the music, the choir, the ushers, the people around me, or the children and babies in the church." That statement - plus each student having to write and give a ten minute sermon - made each one just a bit more aware of what pastors deal with.
A suggestion:
neither the inside or the outside are the prettiest things a person will ever see in their lives
neither the inside or the outside are the prettiest things a person will ever see in his/her life
This is great. It's been a loooooong time since I studied Chaucer. This was actually fun to read. And, well, I do tend to agree. Sometimes it pains me that someone braves putting up his/her first writing - and even says that either in the writing itself or in his/her bio - only to have the first reviewer(s) tear apart everything from the first line to the last. I guess that's why I'm here. To soften the blows. To encourage where others nit-pick.
The only place I really get "angry" about glaring errors in spelling or grammar is in a book that has gone through many rounds of proofreading. Otherwise, it's often not important to me...if the story touches my heart.
Thanks for sharing this one. I've included some gp's in case you need them for rewarding that Newbie.
Good job. I've always loved poems about pathways and roads, every since I first read Robert Frost's The Road Not Taken. The question of whether to follow God or not, is a good one.
I particularly liked these lines:
Neither path is easier,
Although deceiving on sight.
For nothing good is easy,
And what's wrong,
at that time, may seem right.
Cute poem. Good lesson about letters making words. Good use of words kids would understand. Would make a cute children's picture book. Keeping that in mind - and that it would be read aloud - I would read it aloud. There was one line that was just a bit off - in terms of rhythm.
An excellent simple prayer. Asking that our hearts be bigger, that we be able to love more, makes so much sense. With more love, we reach out to others. With more love, we do not judge. I'm sure that's why Jesus said the most important things were to love God and our neighbor.
Bless your heart. You've written well about an experience none of us wants to face. It's a shame that others who have been through loss don't come forward to offer advice on how to grieve. But they don't, do they?
It saddens me every time I hear that friends and relatives have been around for days until after they funeral. Then they disappear and let the close family deal with things alone. But that happens too.
Thanks for the reminder of what we should and shouldn't do - whether the loss is close to us or to someone we know.
Boy, this is certainly reminiscent of what we thought, said and wrote during the war in Nam. Give peace a chance, indeed.
Back then, most of us HAD an opinion - about war, about politics, about something. And we voiced our opinions. I think the only reason some young folks have started paying attention to the recent debates and upcoming election is that the word "draft" has been heard. Now they're listening and getting involved.
Thanks for this one. Makes you think. Indeed, if the call went out to all - ages 18 to 65 - I think I'd want to run for the hills.
Wow. I read this one because I saw a public review raving about it. Now I know why. Indeed, the imagery is great. If not...well...you know, 'cause it's your poem. (Maybe mystery on the public review page will pull in some more folks!)
Plutarch said, “Poetry is speaking painting.” What a colorful painting is this poem!
Hey, it's perfect to me! And it must have been deemed pretty good by someone else, since it got an award. Rhymes are great; so is meter.
I love reading what famous poets have to say about poetry. Gerald D. McDonald said in his collection A Way of Knowing, “Poetry can be wittier and funnier than any kind of writing; it can tell us about the world through words we can’t forget; it can be tough or it can be tender; it can be fat or lean; it can preach a short sermon or give us a long thought (the shorter the poem sometimes, the longer the thought). And it does all this through the music of words.”
Nikki Grimes said of poetry, “Poetry is a literature of brushstrokes. The poet uses a few choice words, placed just so, to paint a picture, evoke an emotion, or capture a moment in time, often though not always with the measured use of rhyme.”
I love reading poetry - seeing how each poet expresses himself or herself - differently than anyone else would or could. This was music to me.
Hey a Sunflower in Texas this is a good poem, detailing your emotional extremes. It was helpful too, that you included a note at the bottom explaining about Seasonal Affective Depression. Good word crafting to explain something sometimes difficult to explain.
I never knew about SAD, but the winters of my first 26 years of live were horrible - emotion-wise. Then I moved and lived on the Gulf coast of TX and FL for another 25 years. Almost every day was bright and sunny. Horray!
Last winter I moved back to Michigan. Yep. Mood definitely changes as the weather cools and the skies grow dimmer.
Interesting write Gwyneth. I found no glaring mistakes. But I am curious. You wrote this on the eve of your 18th birthday, but that was last year. Have you continued to allow yourself to do what others might consider childish? Like coloring if you want to color? Or watching bees and being enthralled?
Hope so. I still love to sit on the ground and watch the ants.
This is good. Written just as the thoughts would have tumbled out one stood in a check-out line and had such an encounter. There were some sentence fragments, of course. But that's how our minds think.
Thanks for sharing. You've offered insight and wisdom about some matters that should be brought out more than they are. Others can be helped by such writings.
What a wonderful portrait of your son and a glimpse of what it's like to be the parent of an autistic child. He's lucky to have such great parents!
My niece has been babysitting an autistic child for the past 2 years - more like a mother's helper for the first year or so. Giving the parent's some down time was all she managed for a while. Then the little girl bonded with her and they started learning from each other. Shannon is now 16. She's been great with her charge and has decided to pursue working with autistic kids as her career.
It wasn't until my own son was almost through high school (home school - since he was "different") that we discovered he probably had Asperger's - a "mild form of autism." It would have helped if we'd known that years before!
I think you did very well expressing the sorrow and other feelings of one in depression.
I like how you asked the questions about each of the senses. People who have not experienced depression or who have not been close to one who has might not realize all of these are affected in the malady.
I hope you're not experiencing these feelings...since you're here among good friends who care!
Perhaps a bit harsh as the Contrasting Perspectives points out.
I think what's worse than a description reading, "please review" is one that says, "I know this stinks, but..." or "you're gonna hate this one."
I always wonder about a writer who posts something and admits that he/she thinks it's bad.
And about changing one's writing - I think The StoryMaster had some interesting thoughts in one of his articles about how to handle negative reviews. It is still our writing, no matter what suggestions others might give to change it. I don't think that sticking with what one has written is necessarily ignoring readers as it is being true to oneself...sometimes. (But not when it's about grammar or spelling and such.)
All Writing.Com images are copyrighted and may not be copied / modified in any way. All other brand names & trademarks are owned by their respective companies.
Generated in 0.73 seconds at 6:01pm on Sep 16, 2024 via server web1.
View Portfolio
Visit Notebook
Send Gift Points
Awards
Badges
Send Email
Community Newsfeed
General Discussion
Sponsored Items
Book of Trinkets
Static Items
Books
Groups
Interactive Stories
Audio
Campfire Creatives
Community Notes
Crossword Puzzles
Documents
Folders
Images
In & Outs
Madlibs
Photo Albums
Polls
Product Reviews
Quizzes
Survey Forms
Web Pages
Word Searches
