Thank you for sharing this with all of us here on WDC. I can say honestly that I liked reading this poem. You encapsulated the feel of your subject flawlessly- a feat not easily done I might add. Your ability to paint the scene was top notch (in my opinion) and I cannot see nor find anything within that could be considered in error. Although the 'mould' word might be off (isn't it supposed to be mold?) apart from that I think you did a wonderful job.
Now this is writing I can completely get into. Granted, it is fractured.
Granted it is different from the 'norm'. But that is the intentions of the author I'd surmise- more true to the way people think really. No one thinks in paragraphs. We understand paragraphs. We feel statements like these. Thoughts are oftentimes fractured and terse, just like how you write.
At least that's what I believe anyway.
For your willingness to throw caution to the wind and write this way,
I tip my hat to you.
There were a couple of grammatical errors though that you should address.
Correct these infractions and I shall gladly raise the rating.
Line 5: to should be 'too' Why doesn't it move?!- 2 punctuation marks Why ca't you see it!- should be can't
And may I offer a suggestion : think about adding just a little bit more to the ending. It was rather abrupt.
In my opinion too abrupt. But that is simply a suggestion. Nevertheless I look forward to reading more of your work in the near future. Thank you.
Hello and thank you for sharing this with all of us on WDC.
I must say that if it wasn't for the distracting usage of numerals alongside letters, I believe I would have rated this piece higher. Was this meant to be on Twitter or something?
I can understand the need to be different in one's writings, but at least try a little more consistency in your endeavor. What I mean by that is, for instance, you use the letters 'U' and/or "Ur' in place of 'you' and/or 'your' in one sentence, but in the next you use the actual word.
"U speak, and Ur voice caresses my ear.
I pull you close and music plays, softly easing the tensions of life."
I am not trying to nit-pick or anything.... it's just distracting I feel.
But it's your work and you know what you were wanting to convey, but I had absolutely no clue...
In fact, I had to read this more than once just so I could attempt a review.
Other than that I feel you have talent.
Keep writing!
Hello and thank you for sharing this with all of us here on WDC!!
Overall I think that this was a good piece. I feel the emotional turmoil within you. Life's lessons are oftentimes aren't recognized for what they are when they happen. Use this pain and anguish in future writings and you will be able to move on as well as grow as an author.
The rating I gave was based on the rhythm. It needs a little bit of work. At points it flows easily when read and at other times, well, it seems a bit strained. Nevertheless, keep writing and thanks once again.
Hello and thank you for sharing this with all of us here on WDC!!
This was a nice poignant piece. It is nice to see that respect and honor has not completely perished in this day and age. I would have given this a higher rating save for the noticeable grammatical errors. The most important one being the fact that you did not capitalize "God".
Thank you for sharing this with all of us on WDC.
This was pretty good overall, with some errors, mainly in the grammar area:
for instance: Its no longer me and you -- missing apostrophe
i am starting to think life isn’t worth livin --- missing apostrophe
I think you should mention somewhere in the description what type of music this would be set to...
overall though I think it is a good start. Keep writing.
Hello and thank you for sharing this. The emoion underneath this piece is so far beyond palpable, I hesitate to use words to describe it. Whether this is merely a work of fiction, or a cry for help makes no difference - the talent displayed is evident either way. Obviously one hopes that this isn't something real- for words won't heal this depth of pain, therefore I shall not try. If this is fiction, then reality played a role in its conception somewhere along the way, for it comes across incredibly legitimate, and I take my hat off to you.
Rest assured that I believe you have skill. Try to draw upon that pain and continue writing. But it is your choice regardless. . Thank you again.
I did not see any errors per say in this piece other than the missing punctuation marks, hence the 4.5 and not 5.0.
FAVORITE LINE
"I can’t mean anything to the world
When I don’t mean anything to myself"
Thank you for sharing this. I've seen glowing reviews about this particular piece and decided that I would take a moment and see for myself what work warranted such high praise from so many... and I would have to say that overall I liked what I read. I would have to agree with my fellow 'reviewers' and with their positive comments as well.
Although I must admit I am not all that fond of 'feel good' nostalgia-based literary compositions in general, having a tendency to shy away from reading those forms or genres personally, but indeed you write well and therefore I will definitely be reading more of your work in the future. Till then I wish you success and congratulate you on such a fine job. Your talent and its praise is evident, earned, and most importantly, well deserved.
Permit me to start this review by stating that I feel you are a fine writer
and I applaud your work thus far.
You capture emotion as easily as you convey it.
Because this was composed so eloquently and concise, It is with little wonder why
this reader can so easily relate to what you say.
The portrait your words paint is beautiful and shall
remain in (my) memory for quite some time.
Again for the record, this piece was well written and I cannot find any errors within.
Keep writing like this and you shall indeed soar above us all.
Thank you so very much for sharing this remarkable piece.
Hello and thank you for sharing this with all of us here on WDC.
I'd like to start off by saying that I think you have a very good chance at becoming an accomplished writer.
You have a certain flair about your writing and I feel that with a little work you will definitely turn some heads.
But you have to seriously work on your spelling habits. Seriously. Keep in mind that people will not take you as serious as what you would like them to if you do not pay more attention to the fundamentals.
Overall the piece was interesting and I feel that you could possibly expand on this particular item..
I would have rated it higher .....but the spelling errors are too evident.
Good luck and thanks again.
Hello and thank you for sharing this with all of us here on WDC.
Now please understand and believe that this review is just my interpretation and opinion:
Overall I find this piece difficult to interpret. I can see the attempt at being dark, but to me it doesn't really feel all that 'bad'. Perhaps the slip art image that was used is what is throwing me off. Seems a bit adolescent. No offense. Did not get the sense of impending doom I believed the author was trying to convey to the reader.
MOST IMPORTANTLY:
As far as the included 'review'- honestly I believe it to be a bit over the top and shows self congratulation. To me, it detracts from the author's writing, Making the work seem more childish and pathetic than anything legitimate. Again, I give my honest impression. I am no expert by any means though so don't take this criticism too personal.
SUMMARY:
Nice attempt. But in the future I'd recommend (if I may be so bold) lose the 'glowing remarks of praise'... honestly this particular piece didn't deserve what was stated. The only lasting impression I received was one I am sure the author did not intend. Nothing screamed to me or at me...save the need for someone to tell the truth to the author that obviously no one else has had the courage or the fortitude to do so. It's okay at best. Certainly not monumental to me.
Im sure you will do better next time. Perhaps I may review some future work of yours?
Hello and thank you for sharing this with us here on WDC.
I'd like to start off by saying that you have what appears to be true depth and feeling when it comes to composing literary work. However this particular piece was not long enough to adequately convey this and I feel that there is more to this idea than what lies before us.
Try expanding upon this piece.
There were a few inconsistancies that I noticed- keep in mind though, I firmly believe that authors and artists too often have their work judged by their spelling or grammatical ability rather than the context or content of what they write. But that isn't necessarily the case with all those here at WDC. Nevertheless there are those here who will dissect any and all errors they see. Albeit helpful in general, it might deter your creativity at times. I speak from experience here so forewarned (perhaps though that is and was merely something only I dealt with.....hmm...).
Watch your capitalization, and more importantly, your rhythm. Again this is merely my opinion.
You have the potentials to be a fine author, and I wish you all the success you deserve, whether heeding my advice or not. Most important thing is that you keep writing!
Hello and thank you for posting this, Overall I would have to say that I liked this piece. It was short, concise and well written. I applaud your efforts. It is refreshing to see that individuality is alive and well in this day and age. Keep on writing items such as this one and I am certain that you shall go far here on WDC as well as the literary world in general!
I found no grammatical errors within this composition. Although one thing that I might point out is that the timing or flow is a little bit off, nevertheless I found it interesting to read and look forward it reading more of your work in the future,
Hello and thank you for sharing this.
First off I want to say that your writing ability shines through in this piece. The choice of words as well as their use reflects this statement. You can literally feel the emotion come across with ease. I found no errors at all.
I congratulate you on this and look forward to reading more from you as time goes on! Keep up the good work!
I want to start by saying that this is and was interesting to read. It reminded me of course of the classic TELLTALE HEART by one of my personal favorites E.A.Poe. Although I'd never be so callous to try and compare anyone's work to his of course, the fact that yours even reminded me is cause for congratulations in of itself.
Keep writing and I look forward to reading more of your work in the future.
I have to admit that I was rather impressed with what you composed here.
You obviously have the gift of writing in abundance.
I look forward to reading and reviewing more of your work!
I did not find any errors whatsoever. Very Good!
Thank you for allowing me to read / review this piece. This seems to be a nice idea for a story/poem. I am interested in where exactly you could go from here or where you'll take it, if indeed you decide to extend it.
This is an interesting and insightful piece. The overall impression brought forth is (in this reviewers opinion) is one of painful insecurity. A subject this reader understands all to well personally. Such feelings will inevitably erode the foundation of any form of relationship and I feel need to be put into perspective before too much damage is done. The fact that the narrator realizes that their significant other has something shared with another and that they will never truly know or comprehend the extent of that shared 'something' shows however a firm and compassionate understanding and provides some favorable outlook for this relationship’s future.
Overall I found it to be an easily read composition. There were no significant errors found within. The spacing though needs a little 'tweaking' to make it appear a bit more uniform, but perhaps that was the intention of the author.
Hello and thank you for sharing such a powerful, personal piece with all of us on WDC.
That in itself reflects more about the author's character than the items within any 'portfolio.'
I feel that there is an underlying sense of rage in your words.
An emotional issue that is beyond passion, but not quite to the level of hate.
Or perhaps it is hatred touched upon, but never fully released- only the author truly knows.
You have talent, and for that I congratulate you. You have the ability to convey certain tangible feelings we all face or often feel whilst living out our daily lives. Again I offer kudos.
Be careful that the passion that hate embodies
(again-as far as this reviewer interprets and sees)
within isn't kept entirely at bay or denied from being.
Let it flow via the written or literary form and I believe the solace you so
desperately seek will finally be within your grasp.
Good point. Never really thought of it that way personally....
I congratulate you on creating such a thought provoking composition.
You seem to have a deep understanding of what it is that makes us all 'human'.
Not that many people show the insightful characteristic that you posess and I honestly can say that I enjoyed reading this.
Thank you for allowing me to review your work. Keep writing!!
Welcome to WDC!
Well well, I have to admit that this was a fun item to read! To your credit you certainly have a flair for the descriptives!!
Overall I was pleased in reading this story. There were however some noticeable errors within. A few I will quickly point out
#1=Actually I prefer ‘recycled human.’ It sounds more hip, don’t you think.” different person speaking- missing quotation mark in the beginning
#2=Thanks, I have two more .... again missing quotes
#3=“Well your probably ... you're
#4= to get over that fact that your made ....perhaps 'the' instead of 'that' fact...
and again ....you're..... needs apstrophe...
Nevertheless I am honored to have read such an interesting and humorous take on an old favorite.....
Hello and thank you for allowing me to review your post. You have an interesting writing style and your choice of descriptive words really stands out. Overall I can say that I liked what I read so far and I plan on continuing to read more of your works.
Just keep up the way that you are going and I believe that you will go far!
BTW: Only one error I noticed - second line in : dont is missing the apostrophe
Hello there! Thank you for sharing this with us on WDC.
This was an interesting (albeit somewhat cryptic) piece you wrote for your grandmother. There aren't enough people it seems that take the time to acknowledge our seniors for what they have done (and continue to do in some circumstances) for the current generation and I applaud you for doing just that.
I am sure that (she) would be proud to see what you have done for her.
Although I didn't really catch any errors, as I mentioned the piece was a bit cryptic, but I am sure that was the whole intent.
Interesting this piece is. It seems as though this was intended (or is intended) to be used as lyrics for a song. It is pretty good in my opinion and I think that you need to expand a little bit on it. The end seemed to come a bit too quick (I hope that made some sort of sense) for me. I dunno, I just think that you could have thrown in another couple of lines to help hammer the point in a bit more...
My opinion only mind you...
Overall I liked this post and I congratulate you on your efforts. Keep up the writing and welcome to WDC!.
Hello and thank you for allowing me to review your post here on WDC.
I'd like to start off by saying that this was a nice poem. You value your friendships dearly and your humility comes through in the words written so clearly. I admire the fact that you took the time to acknowledge someone who has befriended you on this site. I am sure that they appreciate you just as much
There were a couple of areas that I believe you may need brought to your attention:
first and foremost- the overall timing / rhyming scheme was a little off. What I mean by that is the flow could be a little bit more concise, but do not get me wrong- this fact in no way affected the meaning behind your post.
secondly- in the sentence : I had no Idea that right from the start. you end in a period, where perhaps you needed a comma. The sentence by itself was 'incomplete'- it needs the second half (the following sentence) for it to make complete sense.
Anyway thank you for sharing this and good luck to you in the future. Keep writing!!
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