Maryann's (mhicks) Reviews

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

FIRST IMPRESSION: This is a poem about making good choices.

THOUGHTS: I feel that this is a very inspirational poem. I like the way you began with descriptions, and had it lead somewhere...In this case, you were trying to express that it's better to not fight.

FAVORITE PART: You showed creativity with your descriptions, and upbeat mood. You expressed in several different ways that fighting is not a good choice.

SUGGESTIONS: You used question marks here and there throughout your poem, but I think one was needed at the very end after, "So why don't we pick right/
And have heaven on earth?"

You chose 'other' as the type of poem this is. I think if you ever decide to polish this poem up a little, you might pick 'inspirational' while you're editing it.

Maybe you might change your brief description to something other than "I just kinda threw this together..." "Which would you choose..." or something like that...might strike more intrigue and get you more viewers in the future. You can always add the brief description you have now as an added introduction before the beginning of your poem.

-Write on!

}

427

#3141518

Review of Don't Worry Mom

Review by Maryann

In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE NEWBIE REVIEWE...

Rated: E

| (4.0)

Reviewed by Maryann

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

FIRST IMPRESSION: This is a poem written for the love of ones mother.

THOUGHTS: I guess we never really know how our own mothers feel until we're mothers ourselves.

FAVORITE PART: You did a nice job in expressing the feelings that children understand when they grow and become parents themselves.

I really liked the ending...Now when the grown child says, "Don't worry mom" it's to say 'I love you'.

SUGGESTIONS: I don't think the 'but' is needed to start the sentence in the second paragraph. I would just leave it as, "The best has already been given by you."

-Write on!

}

428

#3140187

Review of Gift Point Etiquette

Review by Maryann

In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group

Rated: E

| (5.0)

Reviewed by Maryann

FIRST IMPRESSION:This is a terrific article about things we could do when we receive gift points along with a review.

THOUGHTS: Hi Anastasia! It's great to have you active again on our fun site.

Your article caught my attention, and I really enjoyed reading it.

ERRORS: Perfect five! It was fun to read, and I didn't see any errors. Nice work.

FAVORITE PART: This is really something that, I'm sure, we all think about. When someone gives me a review that really makes me smile, I always want to give them gift points. ...But what do we do when that reviewer already included gps with the review? It is a dilemma, but I think you gave a lot of helpful ideas.

We feel funny 'returning' the gift, so instead we can do some other nice thing in return. CNotes...Auction Donations...Etc.

So, here are some gift points for you along with this review. Like you final suggestion says, a simple "Thank You" is all that's needed here.

Very creative and helpful article.

-Write on!

429

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#3119030

Review of The Day My Father Died

Review by Maryann

In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP

Rated: 13+

| (5.0)

Reviewed by Maryann

FIRST IMPRESSION: This is a poem in an interesting, stream of consciousness, style.

THOUGHTS: Gosh, I didn't even realize that your poem was one sentence until I actually read the note at the bottom. I guess I was so entranced with how touching your poem was. I can't imagine that style of poetry is easy to write, but you made yours look easy with effortless flow. Nice work.

ERRORS: I didn't find any errors.

FAVORITE PART: I could feel the emotion and sad atmosphere in the poem. It was very touching and a pleasure to read. Great job with that 'stream of consciousness' style! I'm impressed.

-Write on!

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by Maryann

430

#3119015

Review of The Canine's Howling At The Moon

Review by Maryann

In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP

Rated: E

| (5.0)

Reviewed by Maryann

FIRST IMPRESSION: This is an inspirational poem about angels.

THOUGHTS: Oh what a terrific poem Harry! I will always think of your poem whenever I hear a howl.

ERRORS: No errors in this well-written item.

FAVORITE PART: I loved the story behind the meaning of the howl. This was pleasant to read, and now I think I'll be dreaming about wolves howling at the moon tonight.

-Write on!

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by Maryann

431

#3118363

Review of SQUEEZE THE ORANGE

Review by Maryann

In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group

Rated: E

| (4.0)

Reviewed by Maryann

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by Maryann

FIRST IMPRESSION: The story poem of a seven year old girl.

THOUGHTS: No, I guess I'm not bright enough to figure it out, as it says in your brief description. I read it over twice, but I still feel that I'm missing something. It was entertaining and suspenseful though.

ERRORS: I didn't find any errors.

FAVORITE PART: I did enjoy reading your poem. It was written well, and kept my attention from beginning to end. With that said, I found it hard to follow at times. There seemed to be a lot to guess. Did this all take place at a pool? Did the girl do things to try to get more attention? Did the nervous dad imagine the worst? Maybe another stanza added to clear up the questions...

SUGGESTIONS: This was almost like a puzzle! Maybe a note at the bottom to explain the 'orange' part... It was fun to read.

-Write on!

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432

#3118307

Review of The Match

Review by Maryann

In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group

Rated: E

| (5.0)

Reviewed by Maryann

Thank you for posting your story on:

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by Maryann

FIRST IMPRESSION: This is the story of an arranged marriage.

THOUGHTS: What a sweet story! I found your story to be entertaining and enjoyable from the beginning to the end.

ERRORS: I didn't find any errors in your story.

FAVORITE PART: I just love stories that have happy endings. Who would have thought that things would work out well for 16 year old Kiran.

I like how I was able to feel for the main character. She seemed so sweet and helpless to be thrown into a marriage just to bring the two people's together. I'm glad you wrote your story so that it all worked out well. The guy was very nice, and Kiran actually liked him.

You showed how these two people had different cultures, philosophy and backgrounds well. I especially liked reading about Kiran's first time sitting on a cushioned chair and listening to a radio.

SUGGESTIONS: You're story is really terrific, but I would have liked to know more about how this marriage was going to benefit both communities. What did the communities get out of this.

-Write on!

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14 days may be credited.

433

#3106701

Review of Sheep in Wolf's Clothing

Review by Maryann

In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE NEWBIE REVIEWE...

Rated: E

| (4.0)

Reviewed by Maryann

FIRST IMPRESSION: This is a small poem, which I think is about peer pressure.

THOUGHTS: I'm not sure that I get the message in your poem. I'll assume that it's about bad peer pressure. The title didn't seem to make it clear because ambition should be a good thing rather than bad.

ERRORS: I didn't see any errors.

FAVORITE PART: Great job in writing a sonnet! I remember how I used to love to read the sonnets from the master writers in literature. It's refreshing to read a sonnet on WDC. I hope you will write more of them.

SUGGESTIONS: Why not write a little information about your poem as a note under it. You might explain in brief the thoughts you tried to express in your poem.

You might also add a little bit about what a sonnet is, for members who are not so familiar with them.

-Write on!

434

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14 days may be credited.

#3106656

Review of Scared Stiff

Review by Maryann

In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE NEWBIE REVIEWE...

Rated: 13+

| (4.5)

Reviewed by Maryann

FIRST IMPRESSION:This is a the intense story about a front porch pest.

THOUGHTS: Oh gosh! Your poor wife! I think I would still be getting nightmares from it...And I would probably not leave the house without my bucket of water ever again! LOL

ERRORS: I didn't see any errors.

FAVORITE PART: I liked the suspense of what might happen next. So, the skunk never actually sprayed? Right? It all happened so fast in your story, but I thought for sure he would...

You did a great job in keeping the action of the story going. How did you do in the Laugh contest?

-Write on!

435

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#3070203

Review of White Lava

Review by Maryann

Rated: E

| (5.0)

Reviewed by Maryann

FIRST IMPRESSION: This is a terrific cooking story...

THOUGHTS: Oh gosh! What an experience! I like how calm you were and you thought fast to let it all fall into a cookie sheet! You showed a great sense of humor, and you really made the best of the situation.

ERRORS: This was written well.

FAVORITE PART: Your story was lots of fun to read. ...Not because the cake didn't turn out well, but because you can laugh at it now and your good humor shows to your readers.

I actually caught some great ideas that I might use someday...The recipe for one thing...And to add foil around the side of the pan. I would have never thought of that. It all sounded really tasty.

SUGGESTIONS: You wrote that you made this on Mother's Day of this year. I know that people will enjoy this item for many years to come. I would change that to 'this Mother's Day, 2009,', or something like that. Otherwise, please remember to edit the item next year.

-Write on!

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by Maryann

436

#3051634

Review of FISH

Review by Maryann

Rated: E

| (3.0)

Reviewed by Maryann

From:

Simply Positive Newbie Reviewers

[E]
For Simply Positive Group members. Other reviewers welcome too!
by Simply Positive

FIRST IMPRESSION: This is a poem about vampires.

THOUGHTS: Great job in writing this thrilling poem about vampires.

ERRORS: Here, you wrote, "No don't leave me i didn't mean it". It's best not to make the word 'i' a small letter.

FAVORITE PART: You succeeded in expressing darkness in your poem. I liked the idea of meshing the last line with the title.

SUGGESTIONS: You have an 'E' rating for this poem. With lines like: "We want weed...
Lust is needed" and, "She's the perfect body to spread my seed, Quit hittin' me baby kiss me", I'm sure you didn't mean for an eight year old to read this poem. There are lots of kids on our site.

Also, you set your genre as 'other'. You will probably get more views for your poem, if you edit your item and add something like horror, mystery, supernatural, crime, or dark to your genre choices.

-Write on!

}

437

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#3051616

Review of Wrapped in the shadows of Delhi

Review by Maryann

Rated: E

| (4.5)

Reviewed by Maryann

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

FIRST IMPRESSION: This is a poem which points out the true picture of the people of Delhi.

THOUGHTS: Wow! That's a deep poem! I guess you said it all...The picture a hippie has of Delhi is far from the reality of how it really is.

ERRORS: I didn't find any errors in your poem.

FAVORITE PART: Your poem is filled with striking words and emotion. You succeeded in expressing the reality of the darkness of Delhi.

SUGGESTIONS: Perhaps...just a thought...You might want to add a note under your poem about the location of Delhi, and a few details about it.

Your poem was truly dark. Maybe you might also add in a line or two which tells about the love in the families of these people. The mother's love for her children...The father's love and struggle for his family...The son's dedication to his mother...A teacher's pride when her student learns...etc. The bottom line being that though these people are living in that dark place, they are still human beings with human minds and human feelings, etc.

-Write on!

}

438

#3044964

Review of When I was Young and Foolish

Review by Maryann

Rated: E

| (4.5)

Reviewed by Maryann

FIRST IMPRESSION: This is a poem of a man's thoughts about his first time in love.

THOUGHTS: LOL This is a fun to read poem Percy. Short and sweet...and humorous too!

ERRORS: I didn't find any errors here.

FAVORITE PART: I'm curious to know how that relationship turned out. ...Married and it seems like a short time? ...Broken up soon after it started? Any way it turned out, it was fun to read.

I've been here for seven years, and I didn't realize there was a genre called nonsense! LOL That's funny in itself!

-Write on!

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439

#3044775

Review of Momma's Little Girl

Review by Maryann

Rated: E

| (4.5)

Reviewed by Maryann

FIRST IMPRESSION: This is one mom's account for a day in the life of motherhood.

THOUGHTS: Aw how sweet! I remember those days! My four are grown now, but I remember all of those stages you described well...First words...Potty training...bath time...bedtime...Thanks for sharing this great story poem.

ERRORS:I didn't see any errors.

FAVORITE PART: I liked reading about the small accomplishments of your daughter. Your readers will really be able to feel the mother's love throughout your item.

SUGGESTIONS: This was almost a whole essay about a day in the life of motherhood. I think if you wanted to, you can turn this into one. Either way, I hope you will print it out and put it into a scrapbook so that your 20 month old can read it when she is 20 years old...The time goes by quickly.

-Write on!

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440

#3044733

Review of Ghost of Me

Review by Maryann

Rated: E

| (4.0)

Reviewed by Maryann

"Simply Positive Newbie Reviewers"

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

FIRST IMPRESSION: This is a poem about the past and present relationship of a couple.

THOUGHTS: I loved the way you expressed the way the couple changed by comparing the change to a ghost, as in the ghost of the past. Everyone always grows and changes. Sometimes when we think of oneself as how we used to be, we know that person doesn't exist anymore...just like a ghost. Great job.

ERRORS: I didn't see any errors.

FAVORITE PART: I liked the way you described the paths in the life of a couple. For example, they marry, have kids, grow old together, and experience a whole life together. Yes, they 'grow old' and just grow and change over time. They still have each other through these changes, and they still have all the memories.

SUGGESTIONS: I noticed that some of your lines rhymed, and some of them didn't. I was confused as to if your poem was supposed to be rhyming or not. Other than that, I enjoyed reading it.

-Write on!

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441

#3044732

Review of Waiting

Review by Maryann

Rated: E

| (4.0)

Reviewed by Maryann

"Simply Positive Newbie Reviewers"

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

FIRST IMPRESSION: This is a poem written in a meter style.

THOUGHTS: I liked your cute poem. I imagined the days when I used to watch my kids playing in the snow, while I sipped on hot chocolate. I thought you did a great job with expressing these sort of similar images.

ERRORS: I didn't find any errors. Nice work.

FAVORITE PART: I had the feeling of the different seasons throughout your poem. You did a great job in expressing the 'waiting' in each stanza. As I also mentioned, I liked the way you painted the picture with your words.

SUGGESTIONS: Some of your readers might not be familiar with meter poetry. A notation under your poem to explain the style a little might help them to enjoy your poem to it's fullest. This is one example that I copied from wikipedia:

"The most common meter in English poetry, the so-called iambic pentameter, is a sequence of five iambic feet or iambs, each consisting of an unstressed syllable followed by a stressed one ("da-DUM")"

One more suggestion would be to include a genre in the set up. Right now, you only have 'other' as the genre. I would check off a couple more which would give an idea of what to expect from your poem...Crime? Family? Drama? Your reader would get a better idea as to what the poem is about. The narrator is sitting outside, waiting for someone to return, and hopes this person is Okay. Why?

-Write on!

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442

#3040259

Review of THIRST

Review by Maryann

Rated: ASR

| (5.0)

Reviewed by Maryann

FIRST IMPRESSION: This is a very inspirational poem about reading and writing.

THOUGHTS: I really loved your poem. It expresses the warmth we all feel about good, all time novels, as well as the great writings of today. It reminds me of a fantastic Twilight Zone episode, where it's the end of the world and this guy who never had time for his reading passion can finally read all alone in the world...And then his glasses become broken! Well...I don't know what made me think of that during your truly beautiful poem! I hope you have a sense of humor.

ERRORS: No errors at all. Well done.

FAVORITE PART: I felt the strong inspiration in your poem. It makes me appreciate the thought that we are blessed with an abundance of great things to read. I like how you name-dropped some of the classics, delicately, to add an additional punch to your words. I remember reading Grapes of Wrath, so it was good to see it there in one of your lines.

-Write on!

443

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#3019396

Review of Two Coins

Review by Maryann

Rated: E

| (4.5)

Reviewed by Maryann

FIRST IMPRESSION: This is a sad poem about a beloved pet.

THOUGHTS: Ah, we all feel a hugh loss when one of our pet's die. I've watched my family pets die over the years...Dogs, cats, hamsters, sugar gliders, bunny's, etc. It's always so sad. I can understand the same sadness that you went through with your dog. So sorry for your loss.

ERRORS: I didn't find any errors in your touching poem.

FAVORITE PART: I think you succeeded in expressing the emotions of the experience in such a short space. The tender addition of the two coins was really very touching.

SUGGESTIONS: What was the dog's name? I think a mention of the dog's name might make your reader's feel more involved.

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by Maryann

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444

#3019363

Review of In Memory, Yet Green

Review by Maryann

Rated: 13+

| (4.0)

Reviewed by Maryann

From: "Simply Positive Review Forum "

FIRST IMPRESSION: This is a St. Patrick's Day story.

THOUGHTS: I'm sorry to say that I found your story very confusing at times, where I had to go back and read some sections over. It was really nice of you to write a festive story for St. Patrick's Day.

ERRORS: I didn't see any spelling errors.

FAVORITE PART: I love the green! That's one of the reason's why I gave your story a high rating! It's great for a St. Patrick's story! Nice creativity!

The idea of the story is creative too! Could you imagine waking up with green hair! That's some prank to pull on a person! LOL

SUGGESTIONS: There were lots of things that I couldn't figure out, and a few that you might have explained.

What's a 'rave ring'? I would add one short sentence that casually mentions what that is.

Just how long was Issac's hair before the cut, and why was he so tired that he would fall asleep while getting his hair cut in the shop. Was he on cold medication?

Why didn't Issac notice the green hair when he looked in the mirror at the salon? It led me to believe that maybe someone switched his hair shampoo in his own shower at home.

Why wasn't this mystery cleared up at the end of the story? Was Issac's girlfriend involved with this? Maybe a simple ****************"The next day" paragraph would clear up some of the loose ends.

This humorous story has lots of potential, so I hope you polish it up...Make that green shine!

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by Maryann

-Write on!

445

#3019345

Review of My World

Review by Maryann

Rated: E

| (4.5)

Reviewed by Maryann

From: "Simply Positive Review Forum "

FIRST IMPRESSION: This is a cute poem about a day in the life of the author...Actually a morning in the life!

THOUGHTS: I loved your poem because I always wake to the sound of my dogs tags too...And their squeak toys...And their shaking of my bed...etc. LOL

ERRORS: I didn't find any errors in your sweet poem.

FAVORITE PART: I like how you included sights and sounds, like the scent of freshly mowed grass.

SUGGESTIONS: I was trying to figure out if some of these sights and sounds were from inside the house or outside.

I don't have many ideas about the title as you asked. I sort of like the 'My World' title. If I were going to change it, I might call it, 'My Early Morning World', or something along those lines.

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by Maryann

-Write on!

446

#3019224

Review of A Smooth Band Of Gold

Review by Maryann

Rated: ASR

| (5.0)

Reviewed by Maryann

From: "Simply Positive Review Forum "

FIRST IMPRESSION: This is a touching story about the sentiments behind a wedding ring.

THOUGHTS: You know you're a good writer when you can write something that brings tears to a person's eyes. I'm not usually one who sobs at chick flicks and such, but I can't resist a touching story like this.

ERRORS: No errors in this well-done story poem.

FAVORITE PART: I liked how you tied the dings of the band to the hard times that the couple endured. Love got them through it all. Really sweet!

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by Maryann

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447

#2997826

Review of Heart poem

Review by Maryann

Rated: E

| (4.0)

Reviewed by Maryann

From:

Simply Positive Newbie Reviewers

[E]
For Simply Positive Group members. Other reviewers welcome too!
by Simply Positive

FIRST IMPRESSION: This is a heart-shaped Valentine's Day poem.

THOUGHTS: Gosh, you really presented this poem well, with it's double heart shape appearance. That's certainly very impressive.

FAVORITE PART: I like the playful type of truth in your poem...The girl had so much hair that it got all over the place and it was difficult to be kept clean. In contrast, the upside down shaped heart told of the sadness of a lost love. Great creativity.

SUGGESTIONS: Now that the shape is done, and the main 'story' is there, maybe you might try to see if it's possible to add capitals and punctuation without killing the great shape. Nice job! I hope you make more of these fun to read poems. ...A shamrock for St. Patrick's Day maybe?

-Write on!

448

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#2996036

Review of My vacation, to HELL

Review by Maryann

Rated: E

| (3.0)

Reviewed by Maryann

FIRST IMPRESSION: This is an amusing story about a road trip with a dog.

THOUGHTS:

LOL Your story is so funny! It probably didn't seem so funny at the time...rather a comedy of errors...but now you can laugh at it. I'm sure it will be one for the memories.

FAVORITE PART: You really have a talent for expressing things that happened in a humorous way. I especially liked the 'doggie recovery dash' game! We've all done something like that before!

SUGGESTIONS: I really enjoyed your story. I think it just needs a little 'polishing' to shine it up.

I noticed a few letters which needed to be changed to capitals, such as here: "of course the trip started out..." The beginning of a sentence always starts with a capital. I would go back and check the beginning of each sentence to fix the ones which need changing. Your title sentence should also be looked at.

Also, I would go back and check the punctuation throughout the story. Here, for example, a coma should go after 'Seth', rather than a period: ". Today he decided to lick Seth. and then sit on his face.

I would start a new paragraph with this sentence: "It took banana (wiener dog) about 2 hours to wake up and realize..." -- You have a really nice introduction paragraph, and I think that sentence starts to tell the details of the story.

Also, when you edit your story, you might want to enter some genres. Right now, you have 'other' entered. I would enter something like 'comedy' or 'family', to name a few...

Thanks for sharing this fun story!

-Write on!

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by Maryann

449

#2995995

Review of It Never Rains ~Thoughts and Feelings~

Review by Maryann

Rated: 13+

| (4.0)

Reviewed by Maryann

From:"Simply Positive Newbie Reviewers"

FIRST IMPRESSION: This is a poem filled with love.

THOUGHTS: I can feel the strength of the loving emotions in your poem. Any girl would would probably feel really flattered happy to be so loved.

ERRORS: I didn't see any errors.

FAVORITE PART: Nice work with this terrific love poem. You succeeded in expressing a strong testimony of love.

SUGGESTIONS: I would have had the 4th and 5th stanza begin with 'It never...' to keep a smooth consistency in your poem.

-Write on!