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526
526
Review by Maryann Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (5.0)
Image (on 'share') used for highlighting the Check it Out items


Each month Maryann Author IconMail Icon and katherine76 will highlight members and items in a variety of categories and place those items on a page that is in each of our ports (double the exposure). The owner of each chosen item will receive a plug in the two *Balloon2*"Check It Out"*Balloon3* pages for that month and will receive 500 gps.

Your item, "Kiya's Garden of Treasures" Open in new Window., has been chosen in the category of 'webpage' for the month of February. During this month, you can see it here, (Maryann's) "Check It Out..." Open in new Window. and here, (Katherine's) "Invalid Item" Open in new Window..


What a really terrific idea for a web page! I am amazed at all of the creative talent on WDC -- and I'm not talking about the gifted sigs. The idea for this webpage took imagination, which knowing you, flowed out of your mind effortlessly! *Bigsmile*

We all get sigs as gifts, but not all of us put them on display. It was really so thoughtful of you to put them in a cherished display like this.

I enjoyed looking through them. ...Especially since I knew most of the members attached to them. *Delight*

~~Maryann
527
527
Review by Maryann Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Image (on 'share') used for highlighting the Check it Out items


Each month Maryann Author IconMail Icon and katherine76 will highlight members and items in a variety of categories and place those items on a page that is in each of our ports (double the exposure). The owner of each chosen item will receive a plug in the two *Balloon2*"Check It Out"*Balloon3* pages for that month and will receive 500 gps.

Your item, "Roaming Through Rivendell" Open in new Window., has been chosen in the category of 'madlib' for the month of February. During this month, you can see it here, (Maryann's) "Check It Out..." Open in new Window. and here, (Katherine's) "Invalid Item" Open in new Window..


Wow! That was lots of fun. *Delight*
First I'd like to point out that your instructions were easier to follow than most madlibs. I feel that this is because you gave examples of what you were looking for.

All in all, the story didn't turn out half bad! I guess you wrote it in a way that helped the thrown in words to make sense. I have read funnier madlibs, but yours turned out to be an enjoyable story.

Someone once told me that the owners of the madlib items never get to see how the visitor's stories turn out, so I always try to remember to copy and paste mine so that the owner can actually see it.

So, here it is:



You fell asleep one night, and as slumber gently fell upon you, you couldn't help but dream about Johnny Depp. When you woke up, you felt a blanket of moss underneath you and the sunlight dancing across your nose. You didn't know where you were, and the first place that came to your mind was the mi casa. But this place, it couldn't be the mi casa, because there were elves, men, dwarves, hobbits, and wizards shuffling to and fro around you.
You quickly got up and looked around to see if anyone noticed you. You began to walk forward and ran into a car. Great! you thought, could this day get any worse? Just then you notice a man looking at you and you begin to feel happy. He shoots a weird look towards your direction, and you decide to go elsewhere.
You walk into an open room, where there are many different people, art structures, and a breaktaking view of a waterfall. Seeing the beauty of this place makes you a little homesick and you begin to think of mountain from your home.
You see a hobbit as he walks up to you and smiles. He welcomes you to Rivendell and says that a special council is to be held here. He then introduces himself to you as bashful.
The two of you sit down and begin to talk. He suddenly gets up and walks before you. After he does that, he begins to sing " Because You Loved Me." Then he holds out a ring and begins to slip it on your arm.
Everybody around you looks at the two of you and the ring in horror. A group of elves pull the hobbit away from you and puts the ring safely away. One of the elves apologizes and asks to talk to you in the corner.
He introduces himself to you as Comet. He explains about the ring and you become concerned. As you listen you wear a funny expression on your face. You explain to him that you are lost and that you are not meant to be here. He says he will kindly show you how to leave. You thank him as the two of you begin to walk towards an exit.
Just as you are about to leave, Comet takes you in his arms and whispers in your ear, "I'll be back." You look at him with a tired expression as he lets you go and waves good-bye. As you walk away he shouts, "Stop right there! Click your heels three times and think of your home!" You think he is windy, but you do it anyway, and when you are done clicking your heels and thinking of your home, you open your eyes and you are back in mi casa!
You are so happy to be home, but now you're not sure if you wanna go back to that pretty place again!

I hope you enjoyed how your madlib turned out as much as I did! *Smile*

~~Maryann
528
528
Review of MY GRANDCHILDREN  Open in new Window.
Review by Maryann Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (5.0)
*Thumbsup*Reviewed by Maryann Author IconMail Icon*Thumbsup*


*Note4* FIRST IMPRESSION: These are photos of such sweet looking boys.

*Exclaim* THOUGHTS: Sherri, I was going through Winnie's 'tally' sheet to get ideas of things to review, and I came across this from a past review raid. I'm so glad that I did. I didn't even know that you had grandsons, and yours are so very cute! Oh my gosh! They could both be child models. I bet people stop all the time where ever they go to comment on how cute they are!

My son just got married this past summer. He is the first of my kids to get married. I know that someday they will have kids and I'll be going through this too. It gives me one more thing to hope for someday. The thought of being called grandma will probably take some getting used to for me, especially since I had my son so young. I hope they don't make me a grandma while I'm still in my 40s. LOL *Bigsmile*

*Star*FAVORITE PART: I like the way that this is set up -- if, for example, I click on Landon's photo, I can see a bigger picture of him. ...I like that big 'one' in the picture! *Smile*

*Balloon2**Balloon3*-Write on!*Balloon4**Balloon5*


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Join the fun! We inspire reviewers through kindness and learning! Winner of eight Quills!
by Maryann Author Icon


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529
529
Review by Maryann Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.0)
*Thumbsup*Reviewed by Maryann Author IconMail Icon*Thumbsup*


*Note4* FIRST IMPRESSION: This is a funny madlib for the Christmas spirit. *Smile*

*Exclaim* THOUGHTS: LOL That was funny and fun to do. I am usually bad at doing mad libs, but I'm trying to get the hang of them. This one didn't turn out too bad, but I guess I should get more creative with my picks. Still, it was fun to do one like this in December. *Smile*

*Star*FAVORITE PART: You asked to send you a copy of how it turns out, so here it is:

This Christmas holiday, I plan to cook a giant car for our Christmas dinner. We will invite ten people over to enjoy the dinner. My two year old cousin will be given a dog for her present. There will be a six foot Christmas tree this year! I'll put five presents under the tree. Me and my family hope this will be a pretty Christmas this year! Usually, everyone is tired after all of that excitement. Many times, there's cats lying all over the floor because people were partying so hard! Plus, the kids got some candy, so they're a little energetic the next day. They threw seven skates all over the living room last year because they got so energetic they couldn't control themselves! Can you believe it???

After the party, we all say, "Have a bright Christmas next year, too!"

*Idea*SUGGESTIONS: I liked that you asked to see how it turns out. This way, you can make changes and improvements as needed. I hope that you keep making these because they are fun to do. *Smile*

*Balloon2**Balloon3*-Write on!*Balloon4**Balloon5*


WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group Open in new Window. [E]
Join the fun! We inspire reviewers through kindness and learning! Winner of eight Quills!
by Maryann Author Icon


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530
530
Review of All About Me  Open in new Window.
Review by Maryann Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (5.0)
*Thumbsup*Reviewed by Maryann Author IconMail Icon*Thumbsup*


*Note4* FIRST IMPRESSION: You wrote a very interesting and fun to read biography. *Smile*

*Exclaim* THOUGHTS: Hi Caren! I haven't been by your port in a while, so I thought I'd stop by this weekend to give one of your items some stars. Gee, your a busy girl! You are like both of my daughter's together in one! My oldest daughter is absolutely obsessed with shoes! My youngest daughter would have been so jealous to hear that you belong to the Queen's Choir. Her dream throughout grammar and middle school was to be in the high school's best choir, and she would have been...if we didn't move. When we moved, I put her into a nearby private school. It was so small that it didn't have any choir!

*Check2*ERRORS: No errors. You're a very bright girl who never seems to have any errors in your work -- your teacher's must love you. *Smile*

*Star*FAVORITE PART: I love all of the TV shows that you watch -- especially, as you know, the Star Trek shows. You also named lots of fun movies. Of course you know about my Star Trek forum, but I didn't know that you like movies...You might enjoy posting on my movie forum too, "Movie Talk" Open in new Window.. I know you on Writing.Com for over a year, yet I never knew that you liked movies so much. I'm glad that I stopped by to read this. *Smile*

*Balloon2**Balloon3*-Write on!*Balloon4**Balloon5*


WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group Open in new Window. [E]
Join the fun! We inspire reviewers through kindness and learning! Winner of eight Quills!
by Maryann Author Icon


** Image ID #1300359 Unavailable **
531
531
Review by Maryann Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (5.0)
Image (on 'share') used for highlighting the Check it Out items


Each month Maryann Author IconMail Icon and katherine76 will highlight members and items in a variety of categories and place those items on a page that is in each of our ports (double the exposure). The owner of each chosen item will receive a plug in the two *Balloon2*"Check It Out"*Balloon3* pages for that month and will receive 500 gps.

Your item, "On Our Own: Indie-publishing Group" Open in new Window., has been chosen in the category of 'Group' for the month of November. During that month, you can see it here, (Maryann's) "Check It Out..." Open in new Window. and here, (Katherine's) "Invalid Item" Open in new Window..


I will be going to Australia in a couple of days, so I decided to add November's picks to October's picks at this time.

Your group about indie-publishing must be priceless to those who don't know how to start getting their books published. I see that it is also for those who are looking for other options. You have 67 members already, so that proves the demand for this sort of informative group.
I like how you also provide links, a nice group heading filled with ideas, and you also offer a help forum for your members. *Delight*

Talk to you soon,
~~Maryann
532
532
Review of The Return  Open in new Window.
Review by Maryann Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Image (on 'share') used for highlighting the Check it Out items


Each month Maryann Author IconMail Icon and katherine76 will highlight members and items in a variety of categories and place those items on a page that is in each of our ports (double the exposure). The owner of each chosen item will receive a plug in the two *Balloon2*"Check It Out"*Balloon3* pages for that month and will receive 500 gps.

Your item, "The Return" Open in new Window., has been chosen in the category of 'Campfire' for the month of November. During that month, you can see it here, (Maryann's) "Check It Out..." Open in new Window. and here, (Katherine's) "Invalid Item" Open in new Window..


This is a really terrific campfire! It is actually REALLY a story. I think the fact that you began the story with such a very well done introduction helped a lot. The queen is gone, so her heir takes over as king. He is bad, so much heartache and curses take place. Now there has been 100 years of plague, and the survivors are still at risk. They go to Stonehenge. It's all so mysterious! *Delight*

....Plus, you gave very clear instructions. I love the colored areas of the claimed survivors at the beginning of the intro, by the way.

The link of the 'item of rules' made my someone is 'invalid' right now. ...People come and go. It was a nice idea, but maybe you might want to take that out now.

Your campfire is great and a terrific addition to 'Check it Out'. *Smile*

~~Maryann
533
533
Review by Maryann Author IconMail Icon
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
Image (on 'share') used for highlighting the Check it Out items


Each month Maryann Author IconMail Icon and katherine76 will highlight members and items in a variety of categories and place those items on a page that is in each of our ports (double the exposure). The owner of each chosen item will receive a plug in the two *Balloon2*"Check It Out"*Balloon3* pages for that month and will receive 500 gps.

Your item, "Captain of the Heart" Open in new Window., has been chosen in the category of 'Short Story' for the month of November. During that month, you can see it here, (Maryann's) "Check It Out..." Open in new Window. and here, (Katherine's) "Invalid Item" Open in new Window..


I am going to Australia in a few days, so I decided to add November's picks to October's picks at this time. *Delight*

Your 'Captain of the Heart' story is truly outstanding. It's just like reading a Voyager episode. I wouldn't mind if it someday becomes a novel that a movie is made from! *Laugh*

You put so much creativity into this story. Your ideas are unique and add a nice freshness to the Voyager story.

~~Maryann
534
534
Review by Maryann Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (5.0)
Image (on 'share') used for highlighting the Check it Out items


Each month Maryann Author IconMail Icon and katherine76 will highlight members and items in a variety of categories and place those items on a page that is in each of our ports (double the exposure). The owner of each chosen item will receive a plug in the two *Balloon2*"Check It Out"*Balloon3* pages for that month and will receive 500 gps.

Your item, "COLORING THE WORLD CONTEST TEMP. CLOSED " Open in new Window., has been chosen in the category of 'Contest' for the month of November. During that month, you can see it here, (Maryann's) "Check It Out..." Open in new Window. and here, (Katherine's) "Invalid Item" Open in new Window..


I am going to Australia in a few days, so I decided to add November's picks to October's picks at this time. *Delight*

This is such a terrific contest! I knew right away that this is the one that should be highlighted.

First, I must say that your colorful heading image is mesmerizing! I love it!

The contest is easy, fun and seems to be very popular. I like the organization, and I like the idea that there is a different one each week. *Smile*

I am sending a donation for your contest along with this review. *Smile*

~~Maryann
535
535
Review by Maryann Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
*Thumbsup**Thumbsup**Thumbsup**Delight**Thumbsup**Thumbsup**Thumbsup*

From Maryann Author Icon


*Note4* FIRST IMPRESSION: Thank you for posting this chapter of your story on "SuperTower Review Room MB Rewards" Open in new Window.. In this chapter, Eirelav continues her restoration of the historic documents found in the Great Library.

*Exclaim* THOUGHTS: I especially enjoyed the beginning of your chapter, where Eirelav went to Professor Dloug for advice. It reminds your readers that this is an old story which is being restored in 4127. "Professor Dloug gingerly handled the first book and carefully turned the pages." We further get the feeling that these documents are old and delicate. After Eirelav's meeting with the professor, he invites her to move her work to a lab at the University so that he could help with it. This mix of real historic facts with fiction is so creative of you, and it makes history very enjoyable to read. *Delight*

*Check2*ERRORS: I didn't find any errors. Great job! *Smile*

*Star*FAVORITE PART: This is such a really terrific way to honor the military and their experiences. A tribute like this, refreshes our memories with the events that actually happened in our world. ...And all the while, it is brought to life by a woman from the year 4127. *Smile*

Your intense writing about the bombings and all will have your readers able to really feel the happiness of the newly liberated citizens of Lubak. This sentence expresses that happiness well: One exuberant citizen put it this way,” We haven’t heard music for six years, we are crazy about music!” We all probably take a simple thing like music for granted, yet for that citizen the music is one of the best things that happened in six years.

We soon find out that the trouble is not over: "In the haste of the Shadow Masters departure from Lubak, documents are found that clearly indicate Nib Nedal’s network is actively attempting to develop nuclear devices." You end this chapter with the idea that a search if now on to find Nib Nedal. That ends this chapter nicely with anticipation for your next chapter. Great writing! *Smile*

*Balloon2**Balloon3*-Write on!*Balloon4**Balloon5*


SuperTower Review Room MB Rewards Open in new Window. [E]
Post your 12 monthly qualifying reviews in the forum
by Maryann Author Icon


** Image ID #1324790 Unavailable **
536
536
Review by Maryann Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (5.0)
*Thumbsup**Thumbsup**Thumbsup**Delight**Thumbsup**Thumbsup**Thumbsup*

From Maryann Author Icon


*Note4* FIRST IMPRESSION: Thank you for posting your sweet poem on "SuperTower Review Room MB Rewards" Open in new Window.. I can feel the emotion and heartache in every word. *Delight*

I found the correct item in your port, but just so you know in the future Alyssa, this is one way to make an item link: {bitem:1333194}
That will look like this:
 A Family in Tears. Open in new Window. (E)
About my emotions when my Grandma was passing.
#1333194 by Lele Author IconMail Icon


Let me know if you need any help with links or if you have any questions about writing.com. I've been here for five and a half years, so I can probably answer anything. *Smile*

*Exclaim* THOUGHTS: Everything about it poem seems to be done well. At first glance, the centered shape and the grey color looks appealing and sets the mood.

Your poem is so touching. It's a really beautiful tribute to your Grandmother. I'm sure she was very happy that she had people who loved her so much during her life. *Smile*

*Check2*ERRORS: I didn't find any errors. Nice work! *Smile*

*Star*FAVORITE PART: You wrote tender words such as these well: still can't believe you're not here at our sides/
so much joy, love and all our memories/ scared to face that you won't be near tomorrow You succeeded in writing the words that we all feel when our loved ones are gone. Nice job in putting together this touching poem.

*Balloon2**Balloon3*-Write on!*Balloon4**Balloon5*




** Image ID #1324790 Unavailable **
537
537
Review of An Oath Sworn  Open in new Window.
Review by Maryann Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
*Thumbsup**Thumbsup**Thumbsup**Delight**Thumbsup**Thumbsup**Thumbsup*

From Maryann Author Icon


*Note4* FIRST IMPRESSION: Thank you for posting your exciting story on " The Group of Talkers" Open in new Window. contest forum, the "Group Contest Forum" Open in new Window.. The promised 10,000 gift points have been sent, and here is your review. *Delight*

*Exclaim* THOUGHTS: It was fun to read this story, which is a mirror of the last story of yours that I read. Now, I found out what took place during the battle from Bellemarr's point of view. I especially liked to hear the thoughts that were going through Bellemarr's head when the knights entered. He was more interested in scouting them out then he was in conversation. You really put all of this creative imagination down in writing. Nice work! *Smile*

*Star*FAVORITE PART: You really have a very incredible way of writing that distinguishes you as a good writing! This part is a fantastic example of that: "Bellemarr pulled himself out of the trance. The normal, mundane world of mortals returned to his vision. To Bellemarr, it felt like dieing. Perhaps this is what the gods fear. To return to this realm, this mortal, ordinary realm with the knowledge there is something more just beyond the edge of sight." The battle with him actually fighting in this trance is really exciting. This is the type of writing that's in the novels that people stay up all night reading because they just can't put the book down. *Bigsmile*


*Idea*SUGGESTIONS: In this sentence toward the beginning of the story, 'to' should be changed to 'too'. "No, not argue, it was far to late for arguments.

Something little here...There is no space between 'disgust' and 'she'. Picky, yes, but I'm sure you want this terrific story to be without a flaw. *Smile* "Yes. Human fat from your sacrifices. I found a use for it." Bellemarr searched his wife's eyes for some sign of disapproval or disgust.She only stared at him.

Here, I'm not sure what you mean by 'tale'. Did you mean to write 'tall'? If 'tale' means some vampire term, maybe you might explain it. *Smile* "The tale vampyre's metallic, pale skin glistened as the moonlight touched his cheek."

The parentheses is missing at the end of this: "Is this what you wanted, old friend? All of this death, and for what? So you could kill my wife? Murder my innocent child?

I wasn't sure about the part of the story where the baby appeared. Did Mittann give birth during the battle? Was the baby cut out of her when the arrow struck? I would have liked a short line explaining that part.

Great writing in this fantastic story! *Delight*


*Balloon2**Balloon3*-Write on!*Balloon4**Balloon5*


  The Group of Talkers Open in new Window. [13+]
JOIN OUR GROUP for email contact on our site, newsletters, good deeds, contests..
by Maryann Author Icon


** Image ID #1324790 Unavailable **
538
538
Review of Drive  Open in new Window.
Review by Maryann Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.0)
*Thumbsup**Thumbsup**Thumbsup**Delight**Thumbsup**Thumbsup**Thumbsup*

From Maryann Author Icon


*Note4* FIRST IMPRESSION: This is an eerie story about what two brothers encountered on their drive home.

*Exclaim* THOUGHTS: You have this listed under the category of 'experience'. Is this a real story? If it is, it's very creepy and I would never drive that way again! *Shock*

It seems just like a scary Halloween tale. The repeated sighting of that black cat seems upsetting enough, but then the driver comes across a strange, evil-looking creature. Maybe the shadows were playing tricks on his eyes in the wet darkness, but that wouldn't explain the odd behavior of his car stopping on it's own.

*Star*FAVORITE PART: I like the scary suspense that you wrote into your story. This is an example of what I am talking about: " His car came to a stop. Not a sudden stop. A smooth stop. One that would be impossible to make as quickly as he did on a slick road going that fast. Or did HE stop the car? He never put his foot near the brake pedal." Those are chilling words. *Shock*

*Idea*SUGGESTIONS: This part needs some work: "The car screeched and began to spin. Finally stopping, turned 180 degrees oppostie of what they were." The second sentence doesn't sound complete, and I think 'what they were' would sound better as 'where they were'. There is also a typo with the word 'opposite'. Thanks for sharing this suspenseful story. *Delight*

*Balloon2**Balloon3*-Write on!*Balloon4**Balloon5*


** Image ID #1324790 Unavailable **
539
539
Review of The Dream Girl  Open in new Window.
Review by Maryann Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.0)
*Thumbsup**Thumbsup**Thumbsup**Delight**Thumbsup**Thumbsup**Thumbsup*

From Maryann Author Icon


*Note4* FIRST IMPRESSION: This is a short fantasy story about a girls dream.

*Exclaim* THOUGHTS: Oooh, this is an eerie story, just in time for Halloween. I like the creative plot to the story.

*Check2*ERRORS: I didn't find any errors. Nice writing. *Smile*

*Star*FAVORITE PART: I liked this part the best: Juliet looked at Nixie and smiled. “What makes this your dream?”
Nixie wasn’t sure how to answer her. “Sorry?”
Juliet waved the question off as the place started to collapse to a loud noise. Juliet looked at Nixie and frowned. “You’re waking up.” That's almost chilling! It sort of sounds like a nightmare, but the reader gets the impression that Nixie is calm and she is glad about the new friendship. You expressed that well. *Smile*

*Idea*SUGGESTIONS: This sentence might need a little fixing up..."Nixie turned around to see a spitting image or her standing in front of her."

Maybe someday you might go back and add a little more to this great story. This might clear up some of the loose ends. For example, if this is a reoccurring dream for Nixie, why is she seeing her during wake time? Is this a ghost, or is she day dreaming too? Will she ever find out who this girl is? So many questions! *Bigsmile*, but I had a terrific time reading it.

*Balloon2**Balloon3*-Write on!*Balloon4**Balloon5*


** Image ID #1324790 Unavailable **
540
540
Review by Maryann Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
*Thumbsup**Thumbsup**Thumbsup**Delight**Thumbsup**Thumbsup**Thumbsup*

From Maryann Author Icon


*Note4* FIRST IMPRESSION: This romantic comedy is enjoyable to read because the story flows so smoothly with a delightful hint of humor. *Delight*

*Exclaim* THOUGHTS: Your writing really brought a smile to my face. I could picture that rain drenched woman slightly annoyed at some guy with bad timing, standing in front of her shop. In her bad mood she tells him as nicely as she could to go away, only to find out that he is the person she is showcasing that week! “I’m...Larry Polk?” he said with undeniable amusement in his tone. “I was the one who sent my portfolio by mail because I couldn’t afford…” LOL That part is hilarious! LOL *Laugh*

I guess in a way, she really did 'buy' him for a little over three hundred dollars. It was an investment so that she could get his artwork shown in her gallery. If she didn't give him that money, he would have left to go back home to his state. She wouldn't get his art, and she wouldn't get to know him. It all worked out well. I love happy endings. *Heart*

*Check2*ERRORS: I didn't find any errors in this well-written story. Nice work! *Smile*

*Star*FAVORITE PART: I like the comparisons between Larry Polk and her sweetheart from schools days. ...And then here, she even calls him Niel! “Neil…I mean, Larry,” I reached for his hand and shook it firmly. “Oh my goodness! I’m sorry. Look at me, I’m a mess and…and…” I love it! LOL *Laugh* The comedy and drama in your story seem to flow together effortlessly in perfect harmony! Great writing! *Delight*

*Balloon2**Balloon3*-Write on!*Balloon4**Balloon5*


** Image ID #1324790 Unavailable **
541
541
Review by Maryann Author IconMail Icon
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
*Thumbsup**Thumbsup**Thumbsup**Delight**Thumbsup**Thumbsup**Thumbsup*

From Maryann Author Icon


*Note4* FIRST IMPRESSION: Thanks for posting this terrific family/drama story on " The Group of Talkers" Open in new Window. contest forum, "Group Contest Forum" Open in new Window.. Your 10,000 gift points have been sent as promised, and here is your review. *Smile*

*Exclaim* THOUGHTS: Poor Isobel. Your readers can really feel for her. Your writing makes the reader understand that life must have been tough for that character while she was growing up. She had a busy dad who was hardly ever home, and a selfish mom who really only cared about herself. The only person who was like a mom to her was the nanny. I can imagine the heartbreak that Isobel felt after twelve years of life to learn that her nanny was fired.

*Check2*ERRORS: I didn't find any errors in your well written story. Nice work! *Delight*

*Star*FAVORITE PART: I love this part: “I will remind you again, but for the last time. Do not play in the dirt! Play with your dolls, girl, and sit on a blanket. You’re not one of those hooligan Thomas boys.” Isobel's strong personality (good job with showing that) had her stand her ground with her mother -- and she was only four years old! She had a big disagreement with her mom as to why she should wear her old overalls. What a very strong-minded and independent little girl! It's no wonder that she was able to cope with her parents not being around for her...

I like the point that you ended chapter two. You left a small bit of suspense and unanswered questions that the reader will have to read on to find out. This further shows creativity and imagination. *Smile*

*Balloon2**Balloon3*-Write on!*Balloon4**Balloon5*


  The Group of Talkers Open in new Window. [13+]
JOIN OUR GROUP for email contact on our site, newsletters, good deeds, contests..
by Maryann Author Icon


** Image ID #1324790 Unavailable **
542
542
Review by Maryann Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.0)
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From Maryann Author Icon


*Note4* FIRST IMPRESSION: This is a fun crossword puzzle. Everyone loves music, so this puzzle will probably make everyone happy. *Delight*

*Exclaim* THOUGHTS: I guess I don't know many of these songs. Not too many of my favorites were here, but I still enjoyed playing the game I'm glad that you put it together. *Smile*

I thought 'Makes Me Wonder' was done by Maroon 5, but I couldn't get it to fit. It really makes me wonder why. *Bigsmile*

I like that you added one of Kelly's songs too. Creed was there as well. I know a few more, but for the most part the rest of them were strange to me. There puzzles are fun to do though, even when I don't get them right, so I hope that you put together some more. *Delight*

*Balloon2**Balloon3*-Write on!*Balloon4**Balloon5*


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Review by Maryann Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (3.5)
*Delight*From Maryann Author Icon*Delight*


*Note4* FIRST IMPRESSION: This is a historical piece filled with lots of interesting facts about an epic battle.

*Exclaim* THOUGHTS: I like that your item tells the whole story of this epic battle all in one condensed essay. That's not too easy to do, but you managed to do it. I actually enjoyed reading it. *Delight*

*Star*FAVORITE PART: Oh gosh, I wouldn't say that this was my 'favorite part', but it adds to the interesting, but harsh reality of what happened during the battle. " In one last arrow barrage Harold was struck through his right eye." Goodness! That seemed so horrible, yet it gives your readers a feel for this leader. He was certainly a strong and courageous hero. *Smile*

*Idea*SUGGESTIONS: Many of your readers are not going to like to read your really long paragraph. The best thing that you can do for your story is to break it up into a couple of paragraphs, and leave a little space in between each one. A good basic idea is to remember 'beginning, middle, and end' when breaking up your essay into paragraphs.

Where to start...It's not going to be a hard thing to do. You have a good few sentences at the beginning to create a first paragraph. You gave a rough idea about the state that England was in. We learn that King Edward was ill and a new King needed to be named. I would perhaps end that 'paragraph' there at that point. Maybe, for example, the first paragraph could end with this line, but that's up to you: " It was time to choose a descendant to the throne of England."

That would leave the next paragraph would be about how Harold Godwinson ended up being the king. After that, another paragraph might begin about how Harold learned that the Norwegians had invaded York, and then his army went on to battle. Another paragraph might be about the battle of Hastings, and the end of Harald.

A few 'typos': Here you wrote: "Harold left the next, yet his army was tired and ill prepared for battle." I think you left out a word after 'next'. Was it 'next day', or 'next morning' perhaps?

In this typo, you put a 'period' where a comma should be: "After the death of Edward. Harold Godwinson was crowned king in Westminster Abbey."

Your essay is really pretty good. All it needs is for the paragraphs to be separated and for the couple of typos to be fixed. Thanks for putting this item on writing.com. I feel as though I learned a good part of history today. *Delight*

*Balloon2**Balloon3*-Write on!*Balloon4**Balloon5*


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Review of Rallying Cry  Open in new Window.
Review by Maryann Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.5)
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From Maryann Author Icon


*Note4* FIRST IMPRESSION: This is a sample first chapter of a fantasy story that seems to give a good taste of adventures yet to come. *Delight*

*Exclaim* THOUGHTS: Oooh, this is a good story so far! ...Elves and wolf companions! ...Battles and weapons! ...Forests and journeys! You didn't waste any time in bringing out lots of creative ideas in this chapter. *Smile*

*Check2*ERRORS: Well written. I didn't find any errors. *Smile*

*Star*FAVORITE PART: You had me hooked with the first sentence: "It was the third year of the war between alliance and the rebellion." That made me want to read more. Then, I found out that elves were involved in this story. It gave it a Lord of the Rings feel that I really enjoy.

I really like the descriptive way that you described the main elf character: "Arayon, a night elf was a leader of a small band of alliance freedom fighters. At 43 he was young compared to other remaining elves but he had been battle tested. Tall and lean in stature his leather armor formed tightly to his over six-foot frame."

Your last sentence left interest and intrigue. "Sadly much of that very forest was now scarred from years of war."

*Idea*SUGGESTIONS: At the beginning you wrote: "The undead and orcs for the last year had busied themselves with... Then, in the very next paragraph you wrote: " Arayon busied himself with starting a fire..." I wouldn't use that word twice. Arayon is too talented for that! *Laugh* I would write something else, such as, "Arayon effortlessly started a fire." Great story so far. I hope you will write more. *Delight*

*Balloon2**Balloon3*-Write on!*Balloon4**Balloon5*


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Review by Maryann Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
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From Maryann Author Icon


*Note4* FIRST IMPRESSION: This story was listed on "SuperTower Review Room MB Rewards" Open in new Window.. It's a perfect fantasy story with plenty of action. Great work! *Smile*

*Exclaim* THOUGHTS: Wow! The Avatar did indeed awaken. This is a very powerful story. I was glued to every word. This has a professional feel to it, like something that would have no trouble getting published. *Smile*

*Check2*ERRORS: No errors! I guess you won that bet! LOL Actually do me a favor. This item really deserves an awardicon. I don't want to give it one because I have no doubt that this will win one in the contest. If for some strange reason it doesn't, please let me know and I will put one on it. I want to. *Smile*

*Star*FAVORITE PART: Knights, Vampires, Wizards and Goblins -- this story is fun to read because it has so much going on. *Smile*


"Marcius had regained his senses and tried to guard Horatius' exposed flank with only his shield. Three against one and Bellemarr seemed unperturbed by the odds. He made the greatest fighters of the Libaias Empire, the emperor's own, look like inept fools." Your battle scene was very intense. I love the descriptions and all of the action. There were so many different weapons. Such a variety added to making your story way far from being boring. *Bigsmile*

This part was great and unexpected too: "Understanding dawned upon Marrinae. Vibia had fired upon Bellemarr, but he was armed with two weapons and decided to dodge the arrow instead of catch it. The arrow was now lodged in the vampyre queen's womb. Bellemarr cried like a child over the woman." I also liked the ending -- the happy ending! *Balloon2**Balloon3* Great job writing.


*Balloon2**Balloon3*-Write on!*Balloon4**Balloon5*


*reviewed*


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Review by Maryann Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.5)
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From Maryann Author Icon


*Note4* FIRST IMPRESSION: This is a very interesting poll! Do people judge how smart a person is by their name? Your poll shows imagination. *Smile*

*Exclaim* THOUGHTS: Wow! I picked Olivia, and so did other people -- it's the number one answer now. I wonder if we all saw a smart 'Olivia' in a movie or TV show, and we didn't even realize it. I remember that I have known Bethany's and Patrick's that weren't really at the top of their class. Every Austin I've known has been a sort of joker. Do you think their is a psychological reason why people might vote for Olivia to be the number one answer? Your poll sparked my curiosity! *Laugh*

*Check2*ERRORS: I didn't find any errors in this fun poll. *Smile*

*Idea*SUGGESTIONS: If you ever do any research and make an item as to why people might vote this way, please add a link to it in the poll heading. I'm sure others are curious too. *Smile*

*Balloon2**Balloon3*-Write on!*Balloon4**Balloon5*


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Review by Maryann Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
I guess I'll review this in a 'special format'...

10 things I like about your poem

10. Ouch! You could have been describing any woman. -- lots of realism there! *Smile*

9. LOL Lots of 'vegetarians' just eat chicken! My daughter does too, but she has a word for it...

8. Lots of girls get along really well with gay guys. Both of my daughters do, and my son's wife too. You bring 'everyday' real life into your poem.

7. You wrote: "I hate the way you give me directions, when I already know the way" More comedy here -- that's called "just making sure."*Smile*

6. You wrote: "You've read four hundred magazines but never a book," That's not really a thing to hate someone over. *Laugh*

5. "And the thing I hate most, before we part and go,/ I hate the way you love me, even though I hate you so." Aw, that's so sweet! *Delight*

4. I like that this is a parody of a movie. That makes your poem even more fun to read. *Smile*

3. "I left you with a broken heart and now mine is broken too,/ Since I found someone who hated me, just like I hated you." There's someone for everyone, and those two people just didn't find the right someone yet. Someone can write a '10 things I like about you' for each of those people. *Smile*

2. I like the way your poem rhymed while telling a 'story'. *Smile*

1. You showed lots of imagination and creativity in writing this poem. Nice work. *Delight*

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Review of The First Year  Open in new Window.
Review by Maryann Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.0)
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From Maryann Author Icon


*Note4* FIRST IMPRESSION: This story has a similar look and feel of a blog/journal.

*Exclaim* THOUGHTS: You did a good job with this story. Some of it might be polished up a little, but for the most part, it flowed smoothly and was pleasant to read.

I loved the interview idea for the class assignment! *Smile*

*Idea*SUGGESTIONS: Now that you have a good base for your story, you might want to go back and make it even better. I find that after not reading one of my stories for a while, I can read it over again and see what can be improved.

For example, you wrote that Grace walked on the grass instead of the sidewalk, and felt uncomfortable walking next to him. Later we find out the reason why, but before that those words seem a little confusing. You might explain in a line that Grace didn't want to give Kyle the impression that she wanted to be his girlfriend.

Also, you mentioned that they were going to 'Praise' on Wednesday. Perhaps if this were a journal, that might be just fine. In the form of a story, you might want to explain in few words what Praise is. A class? A prayer service?

Here in this part, eachother needs to be broken apart: "They hadn't known eachother two months, they had never been on one date, but he said it."

Your ending seemed to end way too abruptly. It was one quick sentence that didn't seem too clear to me: "Grace and Kyle finally came some closure after talking and e-mailing." I would extend that sentence into a small paragraph, and make it very clear what the meaning is.

All that this good story needs is a little fixing up, and it will be a great story. Have fun with it. I enjoyed reading it for sure. *Delight*

*Balloon2**Balloon3*-Write on!*Balloon4**Balloon5*


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Review by Maryann Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
*Thumbsup**Thumbsup**Thumbsup**Delight**Thumbsup**Thumbsup**Thumbsup*

From Maryann Author Icon


*Note4* FIRST IMPRESSION: This is a well organized, flash fiction activity. I see that you have many posts, so this is a very popular activity as well. *Delight*

*Exclaim* THOUGHTS: By now, katherine76 would have mentioned to you that you are highlighted by "The Check It Out Group" Open in new Window., but I just wanted to make sure that I came by to let you know too. *Delight*

You are highlighted here at my page "Check It Out..." Open in new Window., and also here at Katherine's page "Invalid Item" Open in new Window..

*Check2*ERRORS: I didn't find any errors in your heading. Great job! *Smile*

*Star*FAVORITE PART: Not only do you give detailed instructions, but you also give a link to past prompts for inspiration. *Smile*

*Idea*SUGGESTIONS: Someone once said (maybe it was Dear Abby?), "If it's not broken, don't fix it." Your activity has been very popular since 2004. I would say that you are doing something right. *Bigsmile*

*Balloon2**Balloon3*-Write on!*Balloon4**Balloon5*


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Review of Memories  Open in new Window.
Review by Maryann Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.0)
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From Maryann Author Icon


*Note4* FIRST IMPRESSION: A poem about memories which tells how they are life in essence. I think 'essense' is spelled 'essence' by the way. You wrote 'essense' in your brief description. I would check that...

*Exclaim* THOUGHTS and SUGGESTIONS: I like the creative idea of your poem, Clare. It's a very unique 'tour' of the memories in life. There was one part though, that seemed like a contradiction to me. Here you wrote: "Life moving forward, it takes no casualties." Later in the poem, you wrote: "Memories does leave casualties." To me that doesn't sound right. This is a beautiful poem -- you have lots of creative ideas in it. I would add a sentence here and there to make sure those ideas are clear. ...A little bit of polishing up is all this already great poem needs to shine. *Delight*


*Star*FAVORITE PART: I love this line: "Memories; Gifts to re-visit when life rolls by to fast." Very nice -- you have a terrific way with poetic writing. *Smile*


*Balloon2**Balloon3*-Write on!*Balloon4**Balloon5*


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