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1,870 Public Reviews Given
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I give honest and friendly reviews. I try to be as helpful as I can.
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Sci-fi, fantasy, adventure, comedy
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short stories, poems, activities, images
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I will review up to 18 content ratings.
Public Reviews
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451
451
Review of The Cat's Meow  
Review by Maryann
Rated: E | (4.5)
*Thumbsup*Reviewed by Maryann *Thumbsup*


The WDC Angel Army  [ASR]
A group dedicated to promoting positive WDC spirit! Join us today!
by iKïyå§ama


*Note4* FIRST IMPRESSION: A story, a photo, links, and cat history...all in one place.

*Exclaim* THOUGHTS: OMG Is that cat going to eat that ice cream? *Shock* LOL *Laugh* What a beautiful cat! I really enjoyed reading your story about Princess. Now, I am going to be hearing purring in my sleep as I dream about cats...until my dog wakes me up! *Bigsmile*

*Star*FAVORITE PART: Thanks for sharing your story about your cat. Wow, fourteen pounds! What a big cat! My friends dog doesn't even weigh fourteen pounds.

She seems really sweet, and I enjoyed reading the experiences that you shared. You added some interesting facts about 'cat history' as a bonus second part of your story. I didn't know most of that. *Bigsmile*

*Idea*SUGGESTIONS: Maybe a space should go between improved and goes: "She seems to have improved,goes in her litter..."

*Balloon2**Balloon3*-Write on!*Balloon4**Balloon5*


My combined group sig made by Kiya
452
452
Review by Maryann
Rated: ASR | (4.5)
*Thumbsup*Reviewed by Maryann *Thumbsup*


The WDC Angel Army  [ASR]
A group dedicated to promoting positive WDC spirit! Join us today!
by iKïyå§ama


*Note4* FIRST IMPRESSION: This is one author's talk about characters.

*Exclaim* THOUGHTS: That's some good insight about characters. Little did some all time great authors know, that someday the character who they thought up of one day over coffee, would become a well known icon. Tom Sawyer and Oliver Twist are names that everyone knows. I wonder how much thought went into those names...Your essay gives us a lot to think about. *Smile*

*Check2*ERRORS: I didn't find any errors.

*Star*FAVORITE PART: You mentioned a couple of dramatic characters, and you gave examples of how characters can enhance a novel.

I like the way you spoke about what your characters mean to you. It makes sense that a character should be strong and worthy to write about. Thanks for sharing. It's good to get into the mind of an author. *Delight*

*Balloon2**Balloon3*-Write on!*Balloon4**Balloon5*


My combined group sig made by Kiya
453
453
Review of A Note To Pray  
Review by Maryann
Rated: E | (5.0)
*Thumbsup*Reviewed by Maryann *Thumbsup*


The WDC Angel Army  [ASR]
A group dedicated to promoting positive WDC spirit! Join us today!
by iKïyå§ama


*Note4* FIRST IMPRESSION: This is a Thanksgiving type poem which was written for a contest.

*Exclaim* THOUGHTS: You did it again! You wrote another really pretty poem! Congratulations on winning first place in that contest! You are a very talented writer, and I find your poems very pleasant to read. *Smile*

*Check2*ERRORS: There are no errors in this first place poem.

*Star*FAVORITE PART: At first glance, your poem looks really pretty because you made it be orange...A great color for the Thanksgiving season. *Smile*

I thought your poem had an unusual rhyme pattern, or at least one that is not too common. The end of the first line rhymed with only the center line being different. I liked the uniqueness of it.

You mentioned the turkeys and the land. The best part, I thought, was the pretty ending. *Delight*

*Balloon2**Balloon3*-Write on!*Balloon4**Balloon5*


My combined group sig made by Kiya
454
454
Review by Maryann
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
*Thumbsup*Reviewed by Maryann *Thumbsup*


The WDC Angel Army  [ASR]
A group dedicated to promoting positive WDC spirit! Join us today!
by iKïyå§ama


*Note4* FIRST IMPRESSION: One member's account of joining WDC.

*Exclaim* THOUGHTS: I love to read stories with happy endings. I also love to read stories about WDC. Yours has the best of both worlds. *Smile*

It seems that you and I joined Writing.Com one month apart from each other. It shows just how vast this site is, since our paths really haven't crossed until now. I see that you found this site from your new computer back in 2002. That sounds like my experience, though it was my aunt here who taught me how to use a computer as well as how to find this fantastic site.

*Check2*ERRORS: There are no errors in this great story. Nice work. *Smile*

*Star*FAVORITE PART: Your story will be an inspiration to us all. You have been through a roller coaster ride with your writing, but in the end you never gave up...And look at you now! You must really feel a sense of accomplishment for getting your work published. I'm so glad that WDC was a part of that. It's one more happy story about our site. I know how much I love this site. It just goes to show that people are truly happy to be members here.

I thought it was a nice touch to add the handles of a couple of your long time friends here. I certainly know of them. They've been here as long as the two of us also! *Delight*

*Balloon2**Balloon3*-Write on!*Balloon4**Balloon5*


My combined group sig made by Kiya
455
455
Review of May Angels Watch  
Review by Maryann
Rated: E | (5.0)
*Thumbsup*Reviewed by Maryann *Thumbsup*


The WDC Angel Army  [ASR]
A group dedicated to promoting positive WDC spirit! Join us today!
by iKïyå§ama


*Note4* FIRST IMPRESSION: Inspirational poem about angels watching over us.

*Exclaim* THOUGHTS: Ah what a sweet poem! It's certainly a wish for 'good things' indeed. Your poem brought a smile to my face, and I can clearly see why it already has an awardicon on it. *Smile*

*Check2*ERRORS: There are no errors in this beautiful poem. Nice work! *Smile*

*Star*FAVORITE PART: I like the way each line began in a consistent way. ...Very unique style. As I think I mentioned in another review to you, I enjoy poems that rhyme. This one rhymed in a pretty way. The image that you added was a really nice touch too. *Delight*

*Balloon2**Balloon3*-Write on!*Balloon4**Balloon5*


My combined group sig made by Kiya
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456
Review by Maryann
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
*Thumbsup*Reviewed by Maryann *Thumbsup*


The WDC Angel Army  [ASR]
A group dedicated to promoting positive WDC spirit! Join us today!
by iKïyå§ama


*Note4* FIRST IMPRESSION: This is a pretty acrostic poem written for a contest.

*Exclaim* THOUGHTS: Oh I love this intriguing style of poetry! I'm always amazed to see a phrase written from the first letters of each line. You really are talented! *Delight*

*Check2*ERRORS: No errors were found here. Nice work!

*Star*FAVORITE PART: At first glance, this poem really looks pretty. Highlighting the first letter of each line in light blue is a nice touch. I enjoyed the rhyme throughout your poem, which seemed to flow effortlessly -- you were even able to rhyme arrow with harrow! *Bigsmile*

*Balloon2**Balloon3*-Write on!*Balloon4**Balloon5*


My combined group sig made by Kiya
457
457
Review by Maryann
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
*Thumbsup*Reviewed by Maryann *Thumbsup*


The WDC Angel Army  [ASR]
A group dedicated to promoting positive WDC spirit! Join us today!
by iKïyå§ama


*Note4* FIRST IMPRESSION: In and Out about music.

*Exclaim* THOUGHTS: I had fun reading through this In and Out. It's such a fantastic and fun idea. I just posted one on it myself. I included some of my music groups, such as Aerosmith, the Beatles, Coldplay and Snowpatrol.

*Check2*ERRORS: I didn't see any errors.

*Star*FAVORITE PART: After I posted, I went back to read through the other posts. That was fun too, because I enjoyed reading some of my other favorite bands that were listed in the posts. *Delight*

*Idea*SUGGESTIONS: At first I wasn't sure if your In and Out would start from the top or the bottom. After I posted, I realized which way it goes. I guess if I would have looked through the posts first, I would have noticed the dates. The order doesn't really matter in this In and Out though does it. *Blush*

*Balloon2**Balloon3*-Write on!*Balloon4**Balloon5*


My combined group sig made by Kiya
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Review by Maryann
Rated: E | (5.0)
*Thumbsup*Reviewed by Maryann *Thumbsup*


FROM:
Simply Positive Review Forum   [E]
A group dedicated to spreading honesty and positivity.
by Simply Positive


*Note4* FIRST IMPRESSION: Touching story written for a contest.

*Exclaim* THOUGHTS: Ah what a sweet story! I liked the mix of tiny animals with a touching Mother's Day theme. I hope this one did well in the contest. *Smile*

*Check2*ERRORS: No errors could be found here.

*Star*FAVORITE PART: Of course I liked the touching ending, but I liked the 'boys will be boys' idea that was expressed throughout the story. I really enjoyed reading this one. *Smile*



*Balloon2**Balloon3*-Write on!*Balloon4**Balloon5*


My combined group sig made by Kiya
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459
Review by Maryann
Rated: E | (5.0)
*Thumbsup*Reviewed by Maryann *Thumbsup*


FROM:
Simply Positive Review Forum   [E]
A group dedicated to spreading honesty and positivity.
by Simply Positive


*Note4* FIRST IMPRESSION: A historical overview of how the Thanksgiving Holiday came to be.

*Exclaim* THOUGHTS: I really enjoyed reading your article, Joy. These are facts that I probably learned a zillion years ago in school, but I've long since forgotten. It was great to read now. *Smile*

*Check2*ERRORS: No errors in this interesting article.

*Star*FAVORITE PART: I enjoyed reading all of the different ceremonies of food, from the time of the first hunters on the planet, to the time of today. I actually learned a lot. I didn't know, for example, that Sarah Josepha Buell Hale got Thanksgiving to be a holiday back in the day of Lincoln. I also didn't know that the pardoning of the Turkey started with President Truman. *Smile*

*Balloon2**Balloon3*-Write on!*Balloon4**Balloon5*


My combined group sig made by Kiya
460
460
Review of Storm-story  
Review by Maryann
Rated: E | (5.0)
*Thumbsup*Reviewed by Maryann *Thumbsup*


*Note4* FIRST IMPRESSION: This is a story about a scary experience during a bad storm.

*Exclaim* THOUGHTS: Gosh Fyn, that was one frightening story! I have some in-laws who live in Oklahoma, and I am always thinking how brave they are to live there.

Before I continue, I want to quickly go 'off-topic' to give you my best wishes on your upcoming wedding! December weddings are so sweet!

*Check2*ERRORS: I didn't find any errors.

*Star*FAVORITE PART: I liked the way you told this captivating story. I was glued to every word, and I was really glad that you wrote in the outcome of the trailer at the end. You know that all of your readers must have been eager to hear about that, so leaving it to the end added in lots of good suspense. *Smile*

I also liked how you mentioned the doggies every now and then. What smart dogs that breed must be! They can sense trouble the moment before it happens.

...And to get over to the basement door only a split second before the tree hit must have been horrifying! That was good suspenseful writing in your story too...Your readers will have to continue reading to find out what hit the house. Nice work! *Smile*

*Balloon2**Balloon3*-Write on!*Balloon4**Balloon5*


Another New SP Group Sig For Reviewers.
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461
Review of Earning It All  
Review by Maryann
Rated: E | (5.0)
*Thumbsup*Reviewed by Maryann *Thumbsup*


*Note4* FIRST IMPRESSION: This was a mystery story about a girl who almost received more than just a bank loan.

*Exclaim* THOUGHTS: Hi Joy! I love a good mystery, and yours was no exception. I was captivated from the beginning to the end. *Bigsmile*

*Check2*ERRORS: Great job! I didn't find any errors.

*Star*FAVORITE PART: I like the small details in your story...How the straw hat looked like the kind people wear on boats...Then bringing up the hat again because of the gardener.

You also did a good job building the fine character of Janice. She didn't feel right to take advantage of the bank with a lawyer, and in the end it was confirmed that she did the right thing. *Smile*

*Balloon2**Balloon3*-Write on!*Balloon4**Balloon5*


Another New SP Group Sig For Reviewers.
462
462
Review by Maryann
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
*Thumbsup*Reviewed by Maryann *Thumbsup*


*Note4* FIRST IMPRESSION: This is a short 'horror flash' story.

*Exclaim* THOUGHTS: That was a cute story! I guess the two characters in the story saw a Vampire movie. Was this written for a contest? I can't imagine that it's easy to form characters and write a meaningful story in such a short area. You did well though considering that. *Smile*

*Check2*ERRORS: No errors were found.

*Star*FAVORITE PART: I loved the ending. Until that point, they were just vain high school kids -- a cheerleader and a football player. Then your readers get to find out their secret! I would have liked to know how old they really are!


*Balloon2**Balloon3*-Write on!*Balloon4**Balloon5*


WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  [E]
Join the fun! We inspire reviewers through kindness and learning! Winner of eight Quills!
by Maryann


This sig was made by Sherry B.
463
463
Review of Dreamcatcher  
Review by Maryann
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
*Thumbsup*Reviewed by Maryann *Thumbsup*


*Note4* FIRST IMPRESSION: This is a short horror story about a dreamcatcher.

*Exclaim* THOUGHTS: LOL I guess it's time to update my dreamcatcher!

*Check2*ERRORS: I didn't see any errors.

*Star*FAVORITE PART: Great idea for a story! I never gave it any thought that a dreamcatcher could become full someday...Like a trash bag that needs to be changed! Very creative. *Smile*

I liked the types of monsters that came tumbling out of it!

*Idea*SUGGESTIONS: I would have liked to see a link to that item it was written for. Maybe you might think about adding it at the bottom of your story. That would also give your readers more of an idea as to what's going on.

*Balloon2**Balloon3*-Write on!*Balloon4**Balloon5*


WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  [E]
Join the fun! We inspire reviewers through kindness and learning! Winner of eight Quills!
by Maryann


This sig was made by Sherry B.
464
464
Review of The Hunter  
Review by Maryann
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
*Thumbsup*Reviewed by Maryann *Thumbsup*


*Note4* FIRST IMPRESSION: This is a drama story about a man who plans a hunting accident for a person he doesn't like very much.

*Exclaim* THOUGHTS: You expressed the feelings of disgust the guy had for Cletus Brooks so well that it is very easy for your readers to feel that emotion. Great job in leading up to the ending. *Smile*

*Check2*ERRORS: I didn't see any errors.

*Star*FAVORITE PART: I loved the suspense in your story. I felt deeply involved in every word. Then the ending came and I was thinking, "WHAT! WHAT DID HE SHOOT? Gosh, you really have a knack for writing. Your writing has the same effect that my favorite novels have on me! If this had been a loooooong story, I would be up all night reading it because I wouldn't be able to put it down. LOL

*Balloon2**Balloon3*-Write on!*Balloon4**Balloon5*


WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  [E]
Join the fun! We inspire reviewers through kindness and learning! Winner of eight Quills!
by Maryann


This sig was made by Sherry B.
465
465
Review of Sunset  
Review by Maryann
Rated: E | (5.0)
*Thumbsup*Reviewed by Maryann *Thumbsup*


*Note4* FIRST IMPRESSION: This is a descriptive short story about nature.

*Exclaim* THOUGHTS: Wow! I have to first say that I didn't expect such an impressive piece of writing in this little story. It's in a class all by itself, so I'm sure people must comment often on how talented you are. *Delight*

*Check2*ERRORS: Sorry to say that I didn't find any errors...Not that it's a bad thing! LOL ...But I don't feel like much of a help here -- how can one improve perfection. *Bigsmile*

*Star*FAVORITE PART: You did an excellent job with your descriptions, as in this example: Thus, these trees shed their leaves early and wavered into a realm of dreams... -- Your story takes your readers away into a moment of tranquility. Nice work! *Smile*

*Balloon2**Balloon3*-Write on!*Balloon4**Balloon5*


WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  [E]
Join the fun! We inspire reviewers through kindness and learning! Winner of eight Quills!
by Maryann


A 'colorful' sig for WDC Power Group to use in their reviews
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466
Review of Five course meal  
Review by Maryann
Rated: E | (5.0)
*Thumbsup**Thumbsup**Thumbsup**Thumbsup**Thumbsup**Thumbsup**Thumbsup*


*Note4* FIRST IMPRESSION: This is the main folder of Jyo's port, filled with lots of wonderful things. *Smile*

*Exclaim* THOUGHTS: Gosh, I'll have to admit that you have one of the neatest and most organized ports that I've ever seen on Writing.Com!

Not only was it a pleasure to look through your port, but it was very easy to get around in it.

*Check2*ERRORS: Nicely done. *Smile*

*Star*FAVORITE PART: I loved the idea of this folder. It is like a welcome mat to your port. I did feel welcome here because it was simple and easy to find everything...In fact, I was able to speed through EVERYTHING in your port! It was amazing to be able to see everything so quickly!

I'll have to get back again to spend more time on each item.

I liked how this folder was a window to the other folders and their items...A feast for the eyes, with costumes and masks containing things like dragons, flowers, and Christmas greetings...Followed by bits and pieces of angels, birthday wishes and such...Aperitifs of odds and ends...Made to orders filled with contest entries...Main Courses of short stories...And desserts of poetry.

Very creative and fun to explore port! *Bigsmile*

*Balloon2**Balloon3*-Write on!*Balloon4**Balloon5*


An animated review sig
467
467
Review by Maryann
Rated: E | (4.5)
*Thumbsup*Reviewed by Maryann *Thumbsup*


*Note4* FIRST IMPRESSION: This is a Vampire story...just in time for the Halloween season.

*Exclaim* THOUGHTS: Well, at least she awoke to gleeming daylight! *Bigsmile* I was thinking that she might turn into a Vampire or die, but I guess it was only a dream. Right?

*Check2*ERRORS: I didn't see any errors. Nice work. *Smile*

*Star*FAVORITE PART: This was just a tiny story, yet you succeeded in keeping a smooth flow of great descriptions, as in this example: Then I noticed his eyes. The violet irises flashed oddly, which made me lean closer to be certain I’d seen it. Something grabbed hold of me from within. I was locked in conflicting emotions, unable to break free of his leering stare. -- Great job there. I could picture the intense and eerie scene. *Smile*


*Balloon2**Balloon3*-Write on!*Balloon4**Balloon5*


WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  [E]
Join the fun! We inspire reviewers through kindness and learning! Winner of eight Quills!
by Maryann


This sig was made by Sherry B.
468
468
Review of Goners  
Review by Maryann
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
*Thumbsup*Reviewed by Maryann *Thumbsup*


*Note4* FIRST IMPRESSION: This is a quick-paced and exciting short story, about a daredevil who seems to have a death wish.

*Exclaim* THOUGHTS: I loved the fast action and adventure of your story, though I'm not sure that I actually understood the ending. It seemed like there had been two people in the car, but there was only one at the end. Then, the victim opened his eyes, and spoke as a third person who was watching the scene. I was wishing for more of an explanation, but maybe there were word limits for the contest that it was entered in. It might be a good idea to add a link to the contest, or a couple of lines to describe the prompt.

*Star*FAVORITE PART: This was a wild ride and a great adventure! I like the way that you casually added scenery throughout to paint your picture while all of the intense action was going on, as in this example: "There it is, see! The edge. Whooo! The edge and then the sky. Nothing else. Except those seagulls." Nice work. *Delight*


*Idea*SUGGESTIONS: Your story seems 'squashed' together. It might be more pleasant to read if you left spaces between the conversation.

Here you wrote: I" never dared you to do anything. You’ll destroy us both, you maniac!" -- The quotation marks should be before the I.


*Balloon2**Balloon3*-Write on!*Balloon4**Balloon5*


WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  [E]
Join the fun! We inspire reviewers through kindness and learning! Winner of eight Quills!
by Maryann


This fantastic 'leader' sig was a gift from Lornda
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469
Review of Chitter  
Review by Maryann
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
*Thumbsup*Reviewed by Maryann *Thumbsup*


*Note4* FIRST IMPRESSION: This horror story is a good Halloween read.

*Exclaim* THOUGHTS: Wow, you really wrote a chilling first chapter. I can hardly guess what will come next. The ending was intense, yet it didn't give much away as to what the rest of the 'book' will be about. I think if this were a finished novel, I would have a sort of idea from the book jacket. Maybe you might want to think about writing a small introduction to get attention from more WDC readers. *Smile*

*Check2*ERRORS: I didn't find any errors. Nice work.

*Star*FAVORITE PART: This was one of my favorite paragraphs: She started to heave herself off the wet grass, scooting herself backward. Electric thrills screamed up and down her spine and her legs wouldn’t unlock. The thing screeched and shot out of the hole. There was no time to untangle her uncoordinated legs before the thing was on her. She screamed and felt icy fingers close on her shoulders as the thing pulled her down with it into the dark puncture in the earth. --I thought it was very eerie and suspenseful.

I like all of the descriptions that you used in this chapter to describe everything from the noise that the K'Ombren made, to the rut of Bernard. Great job with all of that. *Delight*

*Balloon2**Balloon3*-Write on!*Balloon4**Balloon5*


WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  [E]
Join the fun! We inspire reviewers through kindness and learning! Winner of eight Quills!
by Maryann


This fantastic 'leader' sig was a gift from Lornda
470
470
Review of The Big Race  
Review by Maryann
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
*Thumbsup*Reviewed by Maryann *Thumbsup*


*Note4* FIRST IMPRESSION: This is a cute story for a quick contest.

*Exclaim* THOUGHTS: LOL This is such a funny story. I was dying of curiosity, but I didn't scroll down and cheat. It was well worth waiting for the punch line! *Bigsmile*

*Check2*ERRORS: There were no errors. I hope you did well in the contest. *Delight*

*Star*FAVORITE PART: I liked the punch line at the end...A weight loss camp race, with the winner getting powered donuts! It shows what people will do when they go without their favorite treat! *Bigsmile*

I also liked the build up to the ending, and the great descriptions. The simple nick-names were a nice touch too. *Smile*

*Balloon2**Balloon3*-Write on!*Balloon4**Balloon5*


Another New SP Group Sig For Reviewers.
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471
Review of Cloud Imaging  
Review by Maryann
Rated: E | (4.5)
*Thumbsup*Reviewed by Maryann *Thumbsup*


*Note4* FIRST IMPRESSION: This is a very interesting style of poetry.

*Exclaim* THOUGHTS: Was this about a rain storm? That's what I figured it was, but I'm not really sure. It's very amazing and pretty. *Smile*

*Check2*ERRORS: I didn't find any errors.

*Star*FAVORITE PART: I am glad that you included the information about this style of poetry. I skipped down to read that first, so that I can see it in your poem.

I'll have to say that the 'simple' explanation sounded very complex to me, until I actually saw how it played out in your poem. I'm sure that couldn't be easy to put together! I'm very impressed. *Smile*

*Balloon2**Balloon3*-Write on!*Balloon4**Balloon5*


Another New SP Group Sig For Reviewers.
472
472
Review by Maryann
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
*Thumbsup*Reviewed by Maryann *Thumbsup*


*Note4* FIRST IMPRESSION: A creativly different type of poem about snakes, inspired by a nature magazine article.

*Exclaim* THOUGHTS: Oooh gosh Harry your poem gave me goosebumps just thinking about it! I enjoyed reading it because it was educational as well as rhymed pleasantly. *Delight*

*Check2*ERRORS: There are no errors in this poem. Great work! *Smile*

*Star*FAVORITE PART: I can picture those snakes slithering about! I feel that I actually learned a lot by reading your poem. I never realized that people were dumping their pet pythons in Florida, and now that new type of snake population is growing. I'm glad that I read this. *Smile*

*Balloon2**Balloon3*-Write on!*Balloon4**Balloon5*


Another New SP Group Sig For Reviewers.
473
473
Review of Just Hold Me Now  
Review by Maryann
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
*Thumbsup*Reviewed by Maryann *Thumbsup*


*Note4* FIRST IMPRESSION: This poem is filled with love and romance.

*Exclaim* THOUGHTS: Ah, what a very sweet poem! It reminds me of a lovely valentine!

*Check2*ERRORS: I didn't find any errors. Nice work! *Smile*

*Star*FAVORITE PART: I liked how you tried to express loving words while keeping a smooth, rhyme to your poem. ...And I really loved the pink color! It gave it a nice finishing touch. *Delight*

I hope it did well in that contest. *Smile*


*Balloon2**Balloon3*-Write on!*Balloon4**Balloon5*


Another New SP Group Sig For Reviewers.
474
474
Review of Never forget...  
Review by Maryann
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
*Thumbsup*Reviewed by Maryann *Thumbsup*


*Note4* FIRST IMPRESSION: This inspiring poem is done in a very eye-catching way.

*Exclaim* THOUGHTS: Wow! I am dazzled to say the very least! How did you do that! It's like magic! I am very impressed! *Bigsmile*

*Check2*ERRORS: No errors in this amazingly arranged tribute poem.

*Star*FAVORITE PART: You made a point in a really interesting way. This is very creative. *Delight*

*Balloon2**Balloon3*-Write on!*Balloon4**Balloon5*


Another New SP Group Sig For Reviewers.
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475
Review by Maryann
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
*Thumbsup*Reviewed by Maryann *Thumbsup*


*Note4* FIRST IMPRESSION: This chapter is from book three of the Sci-Fi, Circulating story. The chapter is very long...98.00 kb, so this review will be somewhat long as well.

*Exclaim* THOUGHTS: I am thrilled to read book three of your exciting story. I remember how wonderful it was to receive book one in the mail, and then later to read book two. Book three, so far, has not been a disappointment at all. *Smile*

I know that your books have the potential to be the next 'Twilight', or one of those other big hits. *Bigsmile*

*Check2*ERRORS: I didn't find any errors in your story. It might stand perfectly as it is, but I will add lots of 'suggestions' of things that I would write differently.

*Star*FAVORITE PARTS: This chapter starts well, with the setting for the beginning of book three. I like how, for example, it is mentioned that Elisha is sharing an apartment with her boyfriend, Mike, and her cousin, Jenny. There is no confusion in where anyone is, or what's going on in the story right from the start.

I think that beginning the chapter with the mystery of Elisha's dreams adds to the suspenseful 'hook' of the story.

I really like how you did such a good job in 're-introducing' your characters, as in this example: “You go out and say hallo to your father and brother and Patrice and the baby.” Aunt Gab said." I noticed that you did that throughout the chapter. It's a good memory refresher as your readers go from one book to the next. *Smile*

Eventually the time came for us to eat the delicious Roast Lamb, Tina and Aunt Gab made. Oooh! Roast lamb, roast potato...You made their feast sound so yummy! *Delight*

“I thought I’d be doing Mike a favour this way. I bet it’s going to be the only time we see our angry little feminist walk down an aisle in a long dress.” Tina made a jab at me. LOL That's a funny line! I love the way that you casually add humor to your story. It's makes your readers really understand the characters, and get close to the story. *Smile*

We played cricket up until 6 PM before we left back to Aunt Gabby’s. It was fun to read how cricket is played, and it was even more exciting to read when there were supernatural powers involved in the game. Your descriptions, such as during the game-play, are fantastic!

I stared back at her, trying to drink in this image of her, where she’s young, she’s healthy, and she’s with me.
Mum smiled at me. “That’s the Elisha Grace Baker I knew I would raise some day.”
This chilling dream is just one way that you keep your chapter really interesting. *Smile*

“Come to the Medical Library. I’ve found something interesting.” Xavier said ecstatically. “It’s something that you’ll find VERY interesting, I promise you.” I really like how your chapter jumps from one exciting adventure into another. There is nothing dull here. *Smile*

I enjoy reading whenever you write phase descriptions, like here: My body’s flesh dissolved into particles of light, as I turned ghost like, before disappearing completely.

A tease for an exciting next adventure makes your story irresistible to put down, like here: “Hell yeah. Of course I’m curious. Especially about the name Dystar.” I agreed.
“Then let’s make this our new investigation.” Xavier stated.


I thought it was a terrific idea to give updates about the characters during your chapter, as here in this example: Nelson and Zack, both graduated and moved on from University, now spent the majority of their time at Circulate HQ or in different places and parts in Earth’s history. I really didn't feel 'lost' at all anywhere in this chapter.

LOL more fun humor from Jarrod: “Alright.” He raised his eyebrows, putting his hands in his pockets again. He looked me over once again. “Either you’re dressed for an Australian summer, or you have suddenly become impervious to English winters.” You seem to be able to do this effortlessly. *Laugh*

Your story flows smoothly, as when Elisha bumped into Jarrod, told Xavier about it, and then phased to Lucas's office. It's always exciting to read when Elisha uses her abilities.

...And, wow, things really got interesting when Lucas told Elisha all about the mysterious Dr. Dystar. There is a lot of creativity in your story. *Smile*

Toward the end of this chapter, you really went heavy on the hi-tech sci-fi. I really liked the way you added scientifically technical specifics to your story, in a way that is first explained in what Elisha teasingly described as 'quantas', and then explained it in an easier way.

You ended this chapter smoothly with a nice conclusion. I enjoyed reading it, and I'm looking forward to reading on. *Delight*


*Idea*SUGGESTIONS: You wrote: “Well if this isn’t the stove calling the kettle black.” I only heard this saying once in my life other than here. It was said on the TV show, The Apprentice. The woman it was said to, apparently never heard it before either. She thought it was a racial comment and it turned into an argument.

...But you used that saying twice in the same chapter. I think the second time, maybe Mike should instead say something like, "Let's see you practice what you preach". ...Or something like, "Well, if this isn't the stove calling the kettle black... Mike called back teasing with my line from earlier."

I don't under stand this line: “Ha ha! Your older cousin is a Cadbury’s!” I like to think that I've become more 'worldly' in the past few years, and caught on to the lingo of other countries, but now and then I come across something that I just don't get. Maybe you can say that line, and then add one more line of explanation...like: “Ha ha! Your older cousin is a Cadbury’s! Give her a piece of chocolate and she'll zone out for hours!"

Here you wrote: “Alright, that’s enough. I had the broad first. Hand her back now.” Mike said jokingly to Shane." Why would Mike refer to a two your old as a 'broad', especially after shane just called her a princess. Something like 'the little lady' or 'her highness' might fit better.

Here you wrote: “Talk to Tony Blair and try to get Australia some more trade agreements or something, would you?” I giggled, and then I hung up the phone. The mention of Tony Blair might 'date' your work, though that doesn't really matter much...just thought I'd mention it though. *Smile*

*Balloon2**Balloon3*-Write on!*Balloon4**Balloon5*


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