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Review Requests: OFF
3,621 Public Reviews Given
3,660 Total Reviews Given
Review Style
Template most of the time, covering setting/plot/characters/conflict/resolution if applicable. For shorter works, I concentrate more on feelings evoked.
I'm good at...
Short story, chapter reviews and in-depth reviews.
Favorite Genres
Sci-fi, Romance, mystery, children's, comedy
Least Favorite Genres
Historical
Favorite Item Types
Short stories, novel chapters
Least Favorite Item Types
essay, editorial, non-fiction, somebody's homework assignment
I will not review...
*Bulletb* XGC, *Bulletb* Items that are written in a small font with little or no spacing, *Bulletb* I am unable to review any pieces involving abuse of any kind to anyone. I like to keep my corner or the world happy, because I grew beyond my "challenges" of childhood and don't want to look back.
Public Reviews
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1201
1201
Review of The Escape  Open in new Window.
Review by Nixie 🦊 Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hi! I'm here today to offer a peer review—one reader's reaction. A return review in thanks for mine.

*BulletB* Thoughts/Impressions
Sci-fi is my favorite genre so I was thrilled to find this story. My head is still reeling with the emotions you evoked.

*BulletB* What I liked
Being Flash, this has to be a tight read, but the twisty plot, solid characters, and sufficient setting added up to a shocking read.

I'm not sure how you accomplished it, but Vanna captured my interest from the first sentence. Maybe because she's taking on a task that fascinates me. Not the killing part, but the espionage. As those type of stories go, the plots are similar. But, and I'm embarrassed to say this, a slight gasp escaped in that moment of revelation. (avoiding a spoiler)

*BulletB* A few thoughts:
and [sit] back down on the chair. sat back down

She opened the envelope[] missing period.

she ask the commander asked

*BulletB* In conclusion
Great write!

** Image ID #1877090 Unavailable **


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1202
1202
Review of Lovey Dovey  Open in new Window.
Review by Nixie 🦊 Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hi, Taryn! Here's a review from your Nuclear Package from "Invalid ItemOpen in new Window. gifted by A E Willcox Author Icon

Overall Impression
Your style or voice is friendly, a bit ironic, and welcoming.

The question you pose in this folder is one I often ponder. Are humans drawn more to the theme of darkness rather than light or joy?

This folder is a celebration of joy. I stopped counting the number of poems when I reached 25. A truly impressive display of creativity expressing various love themes. The image of the red roses is an excellent choice for the cover. Surely, only love comes from red roses, right?

Reading over the titles of the poems, I was most taken in by the title:
"No Appointment Required"

Parting thoughts
So, what's the deal with special week day rates for couples? *Laugh*

Let me just add, you certainly earned the 2012 Quill nomination.


** Image ID #1729365 Unavailable **


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1203
1203
Review of Conner's Hunt  Open in new Window.
Review by Nixie 🦊 Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with Newbie Help And Support Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (3.0)
Hi there!

*BalloonB* Welcome to WDC from "Newbie Welcome WagonOpen in new Window.! *BalloonB*


*StarB*
Overall Impression
Your story is exactly what the brief description stated. A strange text sends Connor on a baffling journey. I remained clueless (even with the excellent foreshadowing) until the conclusion. *CheckG*

*StarB*
Setting/Plot/Characters
The initial hook kicked off in a board meeting where Connor was embarrassed by his boss because his cell phone rang. As the day progresses, the peculiar events accumulate. With each new development, Connor moves through a myriad of feelings. From curious to annoyance to fear and finally, anger. You demonstrated realistic character progression. *CheckG*

*StarB*
Considerations
In general, here's something to consider. You don't have to tell your reader everything, especially the boring parts. For instance, you don't have to describe every bit of Connor's actions.

Nothing that does not directly pertain to the story should not be in the plot. It's your decision, of course, but the moment when Connor runs afoul of the couple and the shotgun confused and took me right out of the story.

*StarB*
In closing
The conclusion was a total surprise. And, a happy one. Never stop writing and always review. It's how we build our skills. I'm only one person with an opinion. Take what helps and ignore the rest.

** Image ID #1786732 Unavailable **


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1204
1204
Review of A Perceived World  Open in new Window.
Review by Nixie 🦊 Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with Newbie Help And Support Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (3.5)
Hi there!

*BalloonB* Welcome to WDC from "Newbie Welcome WagonOpen in new Window.! *BalloonB*


*StarB*
Overall Impression
By the time I reached the last few paragraphs, chills chased up and down my arms. The story is outstanding, but like all first drafts, requires editing. I have a few thoughts.

*StarB*
Setting/Plot/Characters
The story begins with an action scene and drew me right in. Good job! You made me feel the wind swirling and, along with Meeka, I felt the air shift, indicating a new world. Nicely done.

I'm not sure what this word was supposed to be, which was sad because it brought me out of the spell. [ataractic.] Did you mean [arctic]?

Sentences like this distance the action. The next sentence also begins with [she felt]
She felt the wind snapping and whooshing around her as they flew through the barrier
Consider: The wind snapped and whooshed as they penetrated the barrier.

The energy between Meeka and Daastan (great names)crackles. She's irreverent and mocking in a few sentences that made me laugh. He's forever trying to possess her body, while Meeka is determined to fend him off. I would play this up because strong characters make strong stories.

Daastan is a character I'd like to see developed. Are you writing more to include the whole story of Meeka and her civilization? You should.

The plot is compelling and unusual. The possibilities endless.

The moment when she healed her mother was magical. All her life, she's struggled to control the inexplicable heat in her body, frightened by it, and now the reason is revealed.

*StarB*
Considerations
Words in brackets are corrections. Direct quotes are in blue.
PARA followed by the first sentence guides you to the area of correction.

I found enough minor slip-ups to distract me. Also, try to write with word economy. Don't over explain.
The violent winds became still as they finally broke through
The winds stilled.

PARA It wasn't long
Was this when it feed [fed]her to its offspring?


It snorted a breath through its nose
it snorted. We know snorts come through noses

as she fell into the entrance of the cave.
as she fell into the cave's entrance

PARA Are you alright?
tighten as he wrapped her [his] other arm around her


PARA You are without a doubt
guided her further into the cave.

farther into the cave. Farther is distance. Further is everything else, usually time related.

Meeka did not know what to think.
[didn't]Use contractions for a tighter read.

Avoid word repetition.
that was always coursing through her. She always held the heat back

PARA You father did that
It was something I always love [d] about you.”

She feel [fell] into her arms [,] crying


PARA She is alive
He pulled her deeper into the cave/as she slowly walked deeper into the cave

Definitely avoid repetition in such close proximity. Also, avoid adverbs, they indicate a weak verb. [Slowly walked] For example [crept] or [shuffled]

PARA This is your mother
her mother was suffering from and [an] infected wound.
“You must help her, Meeka, she needs you [your] magic.”


PARA Meeka looked away
light come from her hand and move to her mother’s leg./as she saw a gentle light come from her hand

Word repetition

Tear [s]rolled down her eyes

Something I noticed throughout was the excessive use of pronouns. Look at the sentence beginning with:
PARA Meeka, Daastin said
The pronoun 'her' is used five times in one sentence. We already know it's [hers] so you don't have to keep repeating it. Or, you can try switching the sentence structure.


In closing
What happened to Meeka's brother after the dragon snatched her? Did she lose that world? Does she remember it?

Wonderful story. With practice, you'll learn how to avoid passive verbs and compose active sentences. Keep on writing and reviewing to advance your skills!

** Image ID #1786732 Unavailable **


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1205
1205
Review by Nixie 🦊 Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hi! Here's a review from your Nuclear Package from "Invalid ItemOpen in new Window. gifted by Shaye Author Icon

Overall Impression
Wow. What an amazing folder. You're an inspiration through all you do and the impressive awards you have received, plus the clever way you designed your award folder!

As to the actual contents:
One thing you may not have noticed, or perhaps it is by design, all the colors stay within the blue/yellow color scheme, except for the words at the top that are in plum (?) font. Because the contents of the folder make such a striking display, you might want to change the color to blue or black.

The animated image heralding your Preferred Author promotion looks awesome on this page!

I've reviewed just about everything in your portfolio, but this is my first time ever reviewing a folder. Very nicely done.

** Image ID #1729365 Unavailable **


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1206
1206
Review of Temporary Home  Open in new Window.
Review by Nixie 🦊 Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with Newbie Help And Support Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (2.5)
Hi there! I dropped by to leave a few thoughts. Please remember, I'm only one person with an opinion. *Wink*

*BalloonB* Welcome to WDC from "Newbie Welcome WagonOpen in new Window.! *BalloonB*


*StarB*
Overall Impression
It's fun to write from someone else's perspective, especially non-human. I actually saw a contest for this type of writing, but it's closed now. Keep track of running contests by using the left menu. You might find another one open!

*StarB*
Setting/Plot/Characters
The story begins with Sammy in a cage. From there, we follow his mental processes as the plot unfolds. Choosing Colorado as a destination was a great idea, because if I remember correctly, there's an impressive veterinary school there.

Sammy's experiences are similar to humans. People like us, or they don't. If we're broken in any way, we're behind bars of some sort or another. This little puppy's dominion was so limited, he's lucky to have Mekka love him. That's all most of us really need.

When the puppy saw the 'bird with a staircase' it was the first time I saw through the puppy's eyes. What kept distracting me were the descriptions that could not be observed by an animal. For example: To my knowledge, animals don't see colors like humans.

I wondered how the dog knew medicine tasted like chalk. Very few of the observations in this story are really from an animal's POV. It would be a good idea to read this over again and do some editing. The moments with the puppy and the blanket make sense, and definitely the stomach upset from the ride. He can aware he's in something moving, but would not know it was a van.

You chose a bright theme—It's wonderful there are animal lovers dedicated to bettering the lives of our pets or injured wildlife.

I'm not sure what your intentions were with this piece, so I'll stop the review here.

*StarB*
In closing
Keep writing and reviewing! Take advantage of all the newbie forums.

** Image ID #1786732 Unavailable **


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1207
1207
Review of I'm Fine  Open in new Window.
Review by Nixie 🦊 Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with Newbie Help And Support Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (3.5)
Hi there! I stopped by to leave a few thoughts. Please remember, I'm offering only one person's opinion.

*BalloonB* Welcome to WDC from "Newbie Welcome WagonOpen in new Window.! *BalloonB*


*StarB*
Overall Impression
I'm sad to say I have to agree with you. When someone asks "How are you?" they don't really want to know. "I'm fine" is my first reflex, especially when I am not. Everyone has bits of anguish, some more than others, that we keep to ourselves. Imagine a person actually telling another the truth. No one wants to hear it. We speak in platitudes.

In part what I don't say protects people. No, I'm not fine, but it's okay because I don't want them to know. It's a paradox.

Writers are lucky because we know how to unload whatever is on our mind. Or at least we try. I wonder if your mood has changed since you wrote this. It sounds like desperation, because of course you know people are more than lies. Some of us even demonstrate compassion.

Once, I heard that men lie to impress and women lie to protect.

*StarB*
In closing
Now that your passion is captured, go back and give this another read. I think you'll find a lot of repetition, and winnowing this out forces a writer to pinpoint exactly what they're trying to say.

Keep on writing, reviewing, reading and editing. It's how we fine tune our skills. *Smile*

** Image ID #1786732 Unavailable **


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1208
1208
Review of Final Waters  Open in new Window.
Review by Nixie 🦊 Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with Newbie Help And Support Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (3.5)
Hi there!

*BalloonB* Welcome to WDC from "Newbie Welcome WagonOpen in new Window.! *BalloonB*


*StarB*
Overall Impression
First of all- Excellent Title!

Danny's feelings are realistic and it's easy to sympathize with him. Living with regret consumes a person, so I was relieved to learn he worked through his emotions with his mom.

*StarB*
Setting/Plot/Characters
The phone ringing in the early morning hours filled my heart with dread. Good job giving the story a true-to-live feeling.

The mom's actions and feelings were accurate and understandable. My sister died in 1983 and my parents still do not speak of her. It's very unhealthy, and every time I visit, I have to remember not to reference her in any way, despite evidence of her life everywhere in my parent's home. She was gifted in many ways, art being one of her favorite mediums. It's so weird to see all her masterpieces hung but never talk about her work.

It's also understandable to want to avoid death, like Danny. It's frightening to watch someone wither away. Visiting my sister when she was hospitalized is a trauma I will never forget. Similar to Danny, I wasn't there when she died, but only because she lived in New York State and I lived in Maine. When the phone call came, I scrambled for a flight, but she died right about the time I was boarding the first plane out of Maine into Logan Airport in Boston.

Your story made me think of so many things! In a lesser occurrence, years ago, my son's cat was hit by a car and died. After we buried the body, my 12 year old son lit candles and sat vigil by Frosty's grave. It took hours to coax him inside, and when he finally broke down, it was his guilt that shattered him. His last words with his cat were shooing the animal away because he was doing homework. I told him much the same as Danny's mom. My son loved his cat all the days he owned him, and one sharp remark made no difference. Frosty knew he was cherished.

Danny has to deal with his guilt because he manufactured a way to avoid seeing his grandfather. Most likely, his grandfather preferred Danny not see him in such a weakened state.

*StarB*
Considerations
Well, sorry I took off there. Your story dragged all those thoughts from me. Maybe I needed to talk about death.

A few thoughts:
Granddad and Mom are only capitalized when used as proper nouns. I remember making the same mistake. If you're writing 'his granddad' 'his mother' remember no capitals. You wrote it correctly in the first paragraph.

Something that will come with practice. Words can get in the way. In the second paragraph after the break, look at the last sentence. If you ended the sentence after [he developed a sudden bug] the reader will infer the rest. That he was avoiding seeing his grandfather. Try not to over explain, let the reader fill in the blanks. I try to think "the less the better."

I also learned not to use adjectives. It was a frustrating experience—adjectives are fun, but sadly, only used sparsely, if at all in contemporary fiction.

*StarB*
In closing
You're off to a great start, so keep up the good work! Reviewing, reading, writing and editing will help develop the talents that differentiate good writing from outstanding.

** Image ID #1786732 Unavailable **


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1209
1209
Review by Nixie 🦊 Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with Newbie Help And Support Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (3.0)
Hi there!

*BalloonB* Welcome to WDC from "Newbie Welcome WagonOpen in new Window.! *BalloonB*

I found this piece posted at
"Newbie Help And Support Review CentralOpen in new Window.


*StarB*
Overall Impression
A fast, short, short plot details one occurrence in a teenage girl's life. Danger is immediately sensed, a lone girl walking in the dark when it's raining set my nerves on edge.

Plot summary: A girl stays late to finish homework, walks home alone, converses with her brother, and has a supernatural experience.

Your opening paragraph should be concise. Think about what is essential to the story. Practice word economy. The word [very] has no meaning in fiction, and definitely not repeated. What verb can you think of that is stronger than strict? You can go right to obsessive here. What about [he was focused to the point of obsession]? You don't need to tell the reader everyone in the school agrees. If you could reword it, the part about his obsession with homework being equivalent to ice cream was comical, even though it's not essential to the plot. And there you have one paradox of writing. Sometimes things that aren't "supposed to work" do.

Try not to use passive verbs. For instance, can you think of another way to reword this sentence fragment?
she couldn’t care less about homework,
For example:
She only cared about homework because of Kaito-sensei's obsession.

The second paragraph has no real impact on the plot. Especially the [locked the locker] part. If you want to keep the sentence, try something like 'she twirled the dial'

Miku can move from the end of the first paragraph to the outside rainy evening. Question. Can grey rain be clear?

What happened next took me totally by surprise. The description of the boy was outstanding. Vivid, but not overdone. Miku's "Stop" should be written before the boy takes action. Perhaps she can observe one foot sliding toward the edge of the building and realize his intentions.

Rather than using paragraph breaks to indicate transition [?] a brief description of her arriving home, or a more detailed scene than Miku sitting in a room would smooth out the action. Perhaps let the reader see her arrive safely home. It can be simple scene, like having her call her brother's name to announce her presence, which would bring him into the plot sooner, and not have him appear from nowhere.

Miku's thoughts about her brother (he trusting her to make the right choice) needed more development for this to feel natural. I would expect these feelings to come from her parents, not her brother. I have three brothers, and while my situation might be unusual, none of them paid much attention to who I was dating.

The names you chose for your characters indicate an Asian culture (?) where maybe a brother would act like Aniki, and his concern is precious. Another indication is the usage of the word [tealette]. I googled the word and found only references to fashion or cloth types. Perhaps work in some details to enlighten your readers, because I'm curious.

I had a horrible encounter with an Ouija board, so intense, even typing the word makes me uneasy. Yes, I'm overly superstitious, but I can never forget what happened to my sister and I nearly 50 years ago!

*StarB*
In closing
Consider tightening the conclusion. Fiction is direct. Instead of He seemed to be hugging her from behind try 'he was hugging her from behind'.
Also, he's "getting more solid" which implies he's more than just a ghostly presence.

I think you had fun writing this, even though it's a frightening story. Your writing style has a carefree feeling to it, making it an enjoyable read.

Please email after you've edited this a few times and I'll take another look at it. Keep up the good work. Write and review as much as possible. Both are rewarding and conducive to advancing our skills.

My comments are meant to be helpful for you to explore or ignore. Thanks for the opportunity to read and review your work!

** Image ID #1786732 Unavailable **


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1210
1210
Review by Nixie 🦊 Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi. Here's a review for your Electric Package from "Invalid ItemOpen in new Window. Gifted by A E Willcox Author Icon

Overall Impression
The dialect in this piece was delightful. Within a few sentences, it was a natural sounding as current speech. The words were altered just enough to convince the reader that the passing of time had blurred the pronunciations. You carried it through without one hitch while you wove your tale of wars and the nature of people.

Highlights
The Einstein quote (Imstine) is one of my favorites. It's chilling and I hope we never find out if its true. Humans are violent and create war. The culture in your story rings dear in my heart, and I wished it would remain the same, because when civilization advances, it only sometimes happens quietly. A point the Storyteller made clear.

A few little hitches along the way:
The[y] be happy to hear tell that there be no kings here, jest the clans
started another war[.] They fought
Sh[e] looked over

Closing thoughts
What will history relate of current times? Of a people who were made fully aware by scientific fact they were killing their own planet, yet chose to continue in their destructive ways. Sometimes I wonder how long this will go on before a cataclysmic event brings us back to sticks and stones.

Great write, as always, Fyn.

** Image ID #1729351 Unavailable **


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1211
1211
Review of Day 4 - 1-16-13  Open in new Window.
Review by Nixie 🦊 Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
Hi. Here's a review for your Electric Package from "Invalid ItemOpen in new Window. Gifted by A E Willcox Author Icon

Overall Impression
Oh my, Fyn. When I read the last paragraph, I echoed your thoughts. Please take me back and let me see it all over again, or never ask me to leave. You really did steal me away for a day.

Highlights
Your graceful style is reflected strongly here, and the pictures that accompany the words complete any missed detail, just in case you slipped past one. But, of course, you captured it all.

I was thrilled you included a picture of Dray and Barney. Twenty-one hand horses? I thought the Clydesdale's were the largest anywhere.

I was shocked as any first time reader. A blue-painted ceiling keeps the wasps away. Someone was very clever. I thought I was brilliant when I set the syrup on the porch railing to keep the flies away when we brunched on the verandah of our favorite apple orchard restaurant in the Southern Tier of New York State. (Sadly, I no longer live there.)

Closing thoughts
I've been on similar tours in other cities, and now I feel as if I have seen Mackinac too. You're a gifted author, Fyn, and it's always a delight to have the opportunity to read and review you work.

** Image ID #1729351 Unavailable **


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1212
1212
Review of Still Here  Open in new Window.
Review by Nixie 🦊 Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hi. Here's a review for your Electric Package from "Invalid ItemOpen in new Window. Gifted by A E Willcox Author Icon

Overall Impression
From the first paragraph, I was hooked into your non-fiction story. It's written with grace and elegance, sharply enough to read like fiction, with no overwhelming lamenting for such a personal experience. (If that makes sense.)

Highlights
Paragraph five was breathtaking, the things you "saw" missing were unusual and poignant.

I bonded mostly with the mom because I would become trance-like in the face of utter desolation, shutting down to protect my heart and soul, rehearsing endlessly the positive aspect. Later, your mom is comforted by your assertions.

I can see my dad reacting similarly, but I could not have expressed what you did, because I really don't know who he is inside. Maybe surviving Iwo Jima in WW2 formed his stoic and silent psyche.

It's true, so much of our lives is captured online. My parents have all the old photo albums dragged out for visitors. I've heard many people say the first thing they would take from a burning house would be photo albums. (If they had a chance.)

When I reached the sweeping conclusion, I already had tears in my eyes. The last sentence expressed so much, impressing me because of the simple truth. I wanted to highlight it, but that would ruin the experience for your other readers.

PARA: "I can't remember
I think you're missing a word in this part of the sentence, or maybe I misread it, though I went over it several times.
"but wasn’t the point."

Closing thoughts
The good news? You've created a monument that will always testify to the great loss you all endured. You have my sympathies.

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1213
1213
Review of Lone Rock  Open in new Window.
for entry "Chapter 1Open in new Window.
Review by Nixie 🦊 Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hi Sharkdaddy Author Icon I offer this review with humility and respect. Without each other, we are no one—in the hollows of the heavens rising stars brighten.

*BulletR*
OVERALL IMPRESSION
I read both the introduction and the prologue before reviewing this chapter. With all the fly-boy talk, it took a few reads to orient myself and settle into the story. From the first paragraph, the plot took off and carried me away.

*BulletR* Title: Lone Rock creates a vision in my head of disaster and intrigue. I started thinking about the possibility of special ops missions.

*BulletR*  Setting/Plot/Characters
Cash is of primary interest here. He's determined to make his first run successful. While this plays out, I learned he's basically a good kid, with little conflict in his life. He's focused on the moment.

The action was first rate. Your story is beyond a genre common to me, so reading this was like sitting in the cockpit with Cash. Not everything was clear to me, but the story was strong enough to pull me through any confusion. I was unable to determine what a pickle was, though. At one point it referred to a weapon, and later in the story he was a "pickle altitude."

My favorite part was the paragraph that began with: "Two seconds before—
Great job describing what Cash experienced when Maker one appeared.
("a burble of air")

*BulletR*  Accolades
You have a unique way of expressing yourself and this was evident throughout the plot.

*BulletR*  Oops
Cash learned about the his transfer

*BulletR*  Considerations
As to the unfamiliarity of the military jargon, I wouldn't be overly concerned with not having a reader fully understand the action. The book is interesting enough, and Cash is a compelling character, who I want to succeed. I trust he will lead me through the confusion as more chapters unfold.

*BulletR* Lasting Impression
To summarize the plot, both to cement it in my mind, and for you to ensure the reader is getting the desired experience, I'm left with this summation. Cash is a relatively new pilot with a recent transfer. He needs to demonstrate superior flying and targeting skills, but falls short of his goal, nearly losing his life.

All of this is accomplished with a skilled hand and a writer's voice.

I'm one reader among thousands. My comments are yours to ignore or explore.

Created by Of_fire_born for Rising Stars' Reviewers


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1214
1214
Review by Nixie 🦊 Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with RAOK Upgrade Brigade Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hi, there. *Smile* I'm reviewing this piece to participate in a ROAK challenge to earn a specific merit badge. Because I'm interested in the medical genre I chose your story.

Overall Impression
*CheckG* Clever and fitting title.

The story started strong and kept me engaged. You have some impressive moments going on here and with a bit off fine-tuning, your story will shine. Enough minor errors added up to distraction, but they are easy to fix and I'll try to help you out because I care about your work.

Characters/Setting/Plot
In the opening paragraph using Angela's full name will cement the concept that the home is her family's.
Angela Hewitt knew her answers were here. The family home—

You set the scene well, detailed enough so I could see what Angela was looking at, which drew me further into the story. My attachment to her grew as the story progressed. The divorce came out of nowhere, especially considering they had just been intimate. I wanted to argue the point, because if one of the issues was a family, well, Angela was in the family way and this might have made a difference. It seemed reasonable they could work it out, but you destroyed the possibility shot by shot until it's clear that the relationship had passed the point of no return.

Once the back story has been resolved, Angela moves into her new life. You wrote
—"thinking of the innocent little one swimming inside.
This fit in seamlessly and added to the ocean theme. *StarP* I felt her exuberance and celebrated with her when she declared her pregnancy to the world. A gorgeous moment and vividly real. (I would do the same thing.)

Much of the story is telling, in order to cover the small details. The story changes from Angela/husband/baby to Angela and Carl Ingles. From there, the plot becomes complex and in places it felt rushed. This begins when Angela and Rosie are shopping. Also, this passive sentence really doesn't add to the story.
A trip to town was necessary and lots of fun for Rosie and Angela.
You can just stick to the sweet details you included, and maybe add in their shared luncheon after you finish describing the trip.

Example telling vs. showing:
Her weight was less than three pound
The baby weighed less than three pounds.

Carl was careful to watch her pregnancy diet.
Carl monitored her pregnancy diet.

Considering the depth of the plot, one sentence describing the renovations might be sufficient (maybe just the contractor's dialogue) so the reader can focus more on the "meaty" plot elements—her life after meeting Carl. This was the strongest part of the story and the part that might require a bit more handling.

Here's one example
One day she was walking over some rocks and stumbled over a person.
Carl Ingles, was bent over tying his shoe laces
Suggest [One day she was walking over some rocks and stumbled over a person tying his shoe laces.]
This is an important scene that was glossed over. I would slow it down. The reader doesn't know Charles Ingles or anything about his dog Chuckles. Maybe more dialogue would due the trick. Angela apologizing and Charles introducing himself.

Word repetition - The second sentence is powerful and moving, succinct. Be carful not to "over-tell" the story. *Wink*
PARA Carl explained
Her color was blue from lack of oxygen
Angela was as snow white as Isabella was dusky blue

Questions
she thought she could smell peace pipes
She could smell the odor of tobacco burning, not the peace pipes themselves, unless peace pipes have an odor all their own.

Angela had chosen Isabella [Therese]. Isabella means" strength and beauty".
This could be less confusing. Since Therese has no importance, it would be cleaner to write [Angela chose Isabella because it meant 'strength and beauty.'

Angela cannot use 'pumped breast milk' while she's on medication because the milk would still be laced with the pharmaceuticals. She would have to wait entirely until she was off everything. Depending on the time frame, her milk might have dried up. You might need to take a look and rethink this part.

Oops
PARA: Angela remembered
sand by the ocean [] and a piece of deer skin.
Missing comma, elements in a series

PARA Renovations
Renovations on the home were started
Suggest [Renovations began fifteen years ago—]

all of it from Angela’s Mom, Mallory
No capitalization of [mom] because it's not used as a proper name in this sentence.

{c{black}PARA Angela was
had chopped firewood[] leaving it stacked by the door.
Missing comma preceding participle phrase

PARA Angela made
sofa under an handmade quilt.
a handmade quilt

“I have found someone [that] wants children
who

She shouted to the wind, the sun[] and the sand.
Missing comma, elements in a series

Unnecessary paragraph break causes confusion. [She had] should be in the same paragraph that ends with [middle]
Even with a divorce in the middle.
She had a serenity about her,
Even with the divorce in the middle, she had a serenity about her.

Watch out for choppy sentences, and in this case, extraneous words. Also correct spelling [amniocentesis]
They did an amniocentisis. Everything looked good.

She wanted a mural
requires a paragraph break because it's a new topic.

In closing
This review could go on and on, but I'll leave it here. Mostly, I would winnow this down to the most essential details. Noting belongs in the story unless it has a direct impact on the plot. Try to avoid telling and using passive sentences. Great conclusion.

The lovely description of the wedding rings tied this up perfectly.

Thanks for the opportunity to read and review your work. My thoughts are my own for you to ignore or explore. Keep up the good work!


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1215
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Review of Don't Tell  Open in new Window.
Review by Nixie 🦊 Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with Newbie Help And Support Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (3.0)
Hi colorfulpoet Author Icon

I found this piece posted at
"Newbie Help And Support Review CentralOpen in new Window.


Welcome to WdC!

*StarP*
Overall Impression
A man is unjustly attacked and chooses to end a relationship rather than potentially put his girlfriend in danger. This could have gone either way, and I was upset when he refused to file a police report.

*StarP*
Setting/Plot/Characters
Nick takes quite a pounding and the scene is vividly cast. What chance did he have with two against one? The attack was unjustified and not expanded upon. Neither Ariel nor Nick have any idea why Trevor or Anthony would think Nick was cheating. Some sort of speculation would bring the plot along, give the reader a deeper mystery to contemplate.

*StarP*
Considerations
You have an open review request in the forum. Extensive editing is required, and although you have received seventeen reviews, the piece has been untouched since January. Perhaps you don't want this reviewed anymore. Maybe you've lost interest or you're having membership or internet problems.

In fiction, less is better. Your story is repetitive. Perhaps you can think through exactly what you're trying to convey and write it once. Keep it simple. The reader wants action. Your first paragraph, actually the first sentence should grab the reader's attention. The details of Nick's responsibilities and actions before he locks the door won't do the trick. One way would be to have him lock the door, and when he turns around, get those bad guys right in there.

You might try dialogue. Nick walks out and sees the guys. Use all the senses. Maybe he smells the alcohol.
"Trevor, Anthony, what're you guys doing here?"

This sentence makes me want to know more. You've created tension. *Smile*
Trevor had something partly concealed in his jacket sleeve.
Now, make it active. Not these words, of course, it's just an example.
The bulge under Trevor's sleeve frightened me.

*StarP*
In closing
Thanks for the opportunity to read and review your work. I hope you come back and work on this story. Keep writing, keep editing!

Enjoy your time here and take advantage of all that is offered. I'm attaching some gift points as an additional welcome. *Bigsmile*

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Review by Nixie 🦊 Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with Newbie Help And Support Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
Hi LtRyanWolf Author Icon

I found this piece posted at
"Newbie Help And Support Review CentralOpen in new Window.


*StarP*
Overall Impression
This story was a blast to read. The action was fast and furious.

*StarP*
Setting/Plot/Characters
The sky is described in detail as the setting. The reader is thrown into the mix as two characters appear and clash.

Tika would rather Ruby not ask him to join her. They have a history, and he wants to keep this from his girl, but in the conclusion he's speaking of his wife. If he considers his girl his wife, she's one lucky woman.

The humorous aspect of this piece was delightful, especially so when Tika says Zark sounds like something from a video game. He's right! I wondered what the time period was for this story, since he's referencing the 1980's. That makes me think of current day Earth, where I took this piece as fantasy. (Capturing rainbows and fighting dragons)

Your action scenes are easily visualized and exciting. *Thumbsup*
Is it okay if I felt sad for the dragons?

Tika is a top pilot, at times he made me think of Top Gun.

What would improve this piece? Dialogue. Rather than telling us what the characters said, let them speak for themselves. For example:

"Tika!"

"Yes, Ruby?" I cringed and turned around to see the beautiful, buxom witch of the Red Rose. No doubt she's after me for another dragon mission.

"A rainbow was stolen and spirited away to Mists of Zark, and you are helping me bring it back."

"The mists of Zark? Sounds like a cheesy 1980's video game."

In with your dialogue, sprinkle what you need the reader to know, as I did briefly in Tika's first sentence. Easy, right?

Try to remember in fiction, less is more. Your opening paragraph describes the sky in several different ways, but really you only need one strong impression. Try to open the story with action.

*StarP*
In closing
Thanks for the opportunity to read and review your work! Your story is a great addition to the community. Keep on writing!

** Image ID #1786732 Unavailable **


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Review by Nixie 🦊 Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
Hi, Bri*Star Author Icon Here's a review from your Nuclear Package from "Invalid ItemOpen in new Window.

Overall Impression
I'm thrilled I stopped by the shop today and took a peek at outstanding orders. Fantasy is not a genre I dabble in, nor particularly enjoy reading, but your story was a blast to read. I know its a short contest piece, so I was impressed by the lack of errors and the smooth plot.

Plot/Characters/Setting
I had to fill in a few blanks while I read this, not knowing much about casting and powerful moons. I wasn't sure why she decided to cast a spell that doomed her. It sounds like she knew her fate.

The [very real tendrils] sentence was quite powerful and highly visual. Well done!

puncture of stabbing flesh.
I wasn't able to 'hear' that sound, if that makes sense to you.

Suggestions
The drops clinked against the metal like fallen jewls.
Just a little typo here. [jewels]

Parting thoughts
Thanks for the little side trip away from my usual haunts. Nice write!


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Review by Nixie 🦊 Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (5.0)
It's a member to member Raid!

*ExclaimBl*
Overall Impression
After reading through our group page, I found one of the reasons why being a member is so rewarding. Maryann, you rock! The plethora of activities, sigs, how-to articles, and various raid details tell the story of WdC's top reviewing group!

Page layout
Right from the very top, it's obvious how much this group contributes to the website. We won a Quill!

Next, we see inspiring images that draw the eye and welcome the viewer. Group links are easily navigated and comprehensive. I've always admired the main image and here's my chance to remark on its glam.

It's also the first time I saw my own name on this page; that was quite a thrill.

*QuestionBl*
Have you ever considered using folders to house similar items, especially prior raids?

Kudos to a magnificent page that encourages all members to take pride in our group and work hard for a united front as we storm WdC with one spectacular review raid after another.

GROUP
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#1300305 by Maryann Author IconMail Icon


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Review of I Let Him Down  Open in new Window.
Review by Nixie 🦊 Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
It's a member to member Raid!

*ExclaimBl*
Overall Impression
My tendency to shy away from military items was overcome by the enthusiasm involved in a Power Raid. My dad was second wave Iwo Jima and barely survived. My son is a Staff Sergeant in the army and has served at various burial details.

As I read, the fine hairs on my arm rose, and as much as I wanted to stop reading, your exquisite way with words kept me glued to the page. I could "see" the ceremony unfolding, cringing each time the rifle rang out.

I thought I was prepared for the conclusion; a funeral means a soldier died. I kept thinking of my son who is responsible for 'the man on his right and the man on his left.' That's each soldier's focus, which in some ways is easier than normal civilian life, where we deal with a myriad of conflicting issues.

When I reached the end, I wasn't at all prepared. As you doled out the final clues, my mind was running with the dialogue 'No way. No way, that's where this story is going. In my words should be the sound of my broken heart beating erratically.

Thanks for the opportunity to read and review your work. You've changed my day.

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#1300305 by Maryann Author IconMail Icon


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Review by Nixie 🦊 Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (5.0)
It's a member to member Raid!

*ExclaimBl*
Overall Impression
As promised, I ended up over here from reviewing another of your items. Wow, I feel almost as if I went to Australia because you described everything so well and kept your own style of writing without taking on the drone of a tour guide. I try to avoid tourist places; the guided tours annoy me. But I would make an exception to see flying foxes.

Mountains are me; they fill my soul and light up my mind. I was curious, wondering if there was an opportunity to hike, so I clicked on the link to learn more. No way am I ever cave exploring. I was surprised by how many activities were offered.

I laughed over the part where you couldn't recall the actual name:
Then we took a different sky cable thing

I liked the fact you included links for specific fact finding, but I learned quite a bit through you. You seemed to enjoy the zoos, but if they're anything like the ones here, I pass that one by. From your descriptions, it sounds like the animals were happy. I just hate seeing them in cages.

The Koala Park link worked, but the website was so noisy I clicked away. For whatever reason the Featherdale link didn't work. *Sad*

*Train*
In the end
It sounds like you had a lovely time, and while it made me sad, knowing I would never see it, I was also happy knowing a friend had been there and cared enough to share the experience with the community.

Thanks for the opportunity to read and review your work!

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#1300305 by Maryann Author IconMail Icon


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Review by Nixie 🦊 Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (5.0)
It's a member to member Raid!

*ExclaimBl*
Overall Impression
It's amazing what turns up during these raids! You're not an easy one to keep track of, and this is one page, among several I'm sure, I have not seen yet. It's a clever idea because we all need a compass to find treasure.

I also like this because it told a story about you, what you considered your best work. You have tons of 'best work' in here, but everything is broken down into headers that provide easy markers.

You began the page with your anniversary celebration, which lets everyone know just how many years you have been here. *Shock*

I read this
STATIC
Lemonade Girls Detective Agency Open in new Window. (ASR)
A lemonade stand turns out to be a secret business
#863924 by Maryann Author IconMail Icon
some time ago, and its still one of my favorites, mostly because rocks were involved and I collect them. The writing was outstanding and I was happy to see it included in the best of the best. I took a short romp through this "My Trip to AustraliaOpen in new Window. and will have to return with a review. I've never been anywhere outside the states, unless you count that one time we accidentally crossed over into Mexico. *Shock*

Do you really think of yourself as the stick figure in the header image? Just kidding. That Dr. Seuss was one smart guy!

Some of this needs updating, if you ever find the time.


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Review of Angel of Light  Open in new Window.
Review by Nixie 🦊 Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Hi RS KrisAnn-Thanks Blainecindy! Author Icon I offer this review with humility and respect. Without each other, we are alone. While working together, Rising Stars brighten.

*BulletR*
OVERALL IMPRESSION
The sense of despondency in this story could only be balanced out by the conclusion. Although the ending was anticipated, the story was a thoughtful read. I can still hear my mom saying, "Be careful what you wish for."

*BulletR* Title: Appropriate and ties into the conclusion

*BulletR*  Setting/Plot/Character
The setting is quickly sketched out, a sick room and the kitchen serve as a back drop for the action.

Chrystal is much too young for such a tragedy to have commandeered her life. I was wondering where the rest of her family was. Did she love her father before the stroke, or has she always disliked him? Is she sad for what's happened to him, or is it all too much, and although she's dismayed at the end, she's also relieved?

The plot is revealed mostly through the odd phone call and the accompanying conversation. At first, Chrystal is scornful and skeptical, but the suave voice on the other end, telling her everything she wants to hear wins her over.

Her initial skepticism is believable, which is essential in a story like this. Especially in current society, we've all learned to be cautious, and just because the contact is over the phone doesn't mean safety. When Angel knows exactly what she's doing, Chrystal takes this to be divine intervention, when I would be afraid he was a stalker!

The part where Chrystal uses the internet rather than tracking down a Bible was authentic, for me. Some people have one right at hand for constant study, but Google worked in this plot line because if she had too much biblical knowledge, she might have hung up the phone.

*BulletR*  Thoughts
Try using more active than passive verbs. A quick example:
In all of my twenty-three years, I [would never have] guessed I [would] . .
At twenty-three years old, I was sentenced to cleaning up my father's filth until his demise.

Once you get through the opening scenes, the plot is more active. Remember, you only have a few sentences to grab the reader's attention, and we all know "actions speak louder than words."

Angel snickered, making me weak in the knees
Snickered implies nasty and if that makes her feel excited, there's something wrong with Chrystal's psyche. Maybe he has a throaty or low-pitched laugh.

*BulletR*  Grammar/Punctuation
No glaring problems

*BulletR*  Considerations
To add some more dimension to Chrystal, she could have something positive in her life, something specific she gave up that she can return to, rather than the generic "You can be more." I would have liked to see other aspects of her life depicted. The story is straightforward and clearly stated. She might be a fun character for you to play around with and add more intrigue to your story. Just a thought. *Smile*

The story reads fine if you conclude with the biblical quote. The reader can draw the conclusion, which creates a stronger bond and lasting impression.

*BulletR* In closing
You may have accomplished what you wanted for this story, but I can see it expanding into something deeper or broader if this review gets you thinking. There is absolutely nothing wrong with the way the story is written. I'm just offering some stray thoughts that might interest you.

I'm one reader among thousands. My comments are yours to ignore or explore.

Created by Of_fire_born for Rising Stars' Reviewers


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1223
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Review by Nixie 🦊 Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with  Open in new Window.
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
Hi NickiD89 Author Icon I offer this review with humility and respect. Without each other, we are no one—in the hollows of the heavens rising stars brighten.

*BulletR*
OVERALL IMPRESSION
I don't mind telling you I read this story five times before composing the review, just to ensure I had absorbed every detail. All your sentences are gorgeously constructed. Each one takes its time to dole out all the little details that brought this story to life.

*BulletR* Title: Appropriate and revealing at the conclusion.

*BulletR* Characters/Plot/Setting
*Man* Robb comes across immediately as a malcontent, although I do sympathize with him. I would be angry if my research was taken away from me. In the beginning, I wondered why he thought Genghis Kahn might not have been the horrible person detailed in history. By the conclusion, I decided Robb had become someone similar to Khan.

He's at all times focused, but the brief episodes into his past showed two sides of him. He loved Marla and he wants her out of his life, and he's furious her presence is enough to arouse him.

*Woman* Marla is revealed through Robb's observations. She wronged Robb and this was made clear without delving into nasty details. Whatever her intentions, I don't want to believe she intentionally hurt her boyfriend. She was, foremost, concerned with the implications of Robb's actions, at a scientific level. After the lightning strike, I thought maybe she still cared for him. At any rate, her presence keeps up the friction and forwards the plot.

*Puzzle4*The plot unrolls while Robb and Marla are sparring and moving through the building to retrieve the rock. The lab facility is sketched with enough details to form an image. A touch of futuristic science was well placed and believable.

One part that really struck me was his entry when he reached Neodymium Technologies. He sees Marla's car and adjusts his destination to avoid detection. It was like sitting next to him while he settled his vehicle and surveyed the terrain. Without even delving further into the plot, his personality and past was shown in this scene.

The conflict escalated. He's not only against the Federation, he's up against a coworker, an ex-partner. It's only fitting she's there to dog his heels the entire way, and document the gritty, or should I say, gooey conclusion.

What brilliant orchestration maneuvering this plot, from Marla's concerns casting suspicion on the safety of the rock, all the way to the effects of the lightning strike, every aspect was well thought out and believable. Nothing in the story was extraneous. I guess Robb was a chick magnet. Just kidding.

*BulletR* Accolades
The conclusion of the story was hideous and again, expertly crafted. Unfortunately, I was able to "see" exactly what was happening to Marla. Good work!

*BulletR*  Grammar/Punctuation
No issues

*BulletR*  Considerations
It's been some time since you wrote this, and stories that begin with 'earlier that day' or any prior time sequence are less prevalent in the writing community. It's no longer a desired approach, and your story certainly did not need the introduction. If anything, it stole some of the zest from the end.

Paragraph 14 had one sentence that bothered me because of the word [somewhat]. You could probably take it right out and not hurt a thing. The simile didn't work for me either. Unlike your others, it felt forced, or maybe too much significance was conveyed when talking about bones. lol

accentuating somehow her collar bones rising like milky moguls below the gentle slope of her neck.

Both paragraphs 38 and 46 need the first sentence indent.

In the conclusion, Robb's skin tears where its adhered to Marla's. I thought he would disintegrate as well. Also, you briefly mentioned his own private lab, but where would he secure cancerous mice for his research?

*BulletR* Lasting Impression
I guess it's time to let this story go. I've now read it at least ten times. You're an expert storyteller, and I enjoyed every moment both reading and reviewing your work.

I'm one reader among thousands. My comments are yours to ignore or explore.

Created by Of_fire_born for Rising Stars' Reviewers


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Review of The Author  Open in new Window.
Review by Nixie 🦊 Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
Hi, Robert Levin Author Icon
*CakeB* HAPPY 13th! WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary ReviewsOpen in new Window.


*StarBr*
Overall Impression
I know the story was about the author, but what impressed me most was the conversation between the two librarians.

*StarBr*
Setting/Plot/Characters
The story takes place in a library, where I most keenly felt the atmosphere when the author had to take off his coat because the area was overheated despite the wintery day. It put me completely in the moment, this small detail vivid in my mind.

The author's self-esteem is locked up with his book that at least made it to the library shelves and then disappeared. I pondered over the scribbles made in the book, and the author had his own ideas that helped round out his character. I noticed a subgenre was 'death,' but if it was the author's demise, I didn't pick up on it. Sorry.

Still, the conversation about the ankles is the one that will stick in my mind. Women often discuss the merits of body parts, so the dialogue was genuine. I can imagine you writing an entire story using the two librarians.

*StarBr*
Considerations
Full capitalization is not generally seen in published fiction and it detracted from the story, especially because it was so prevalent. The drama comes across in the words and gestures of the characters, not the written words.

*Books4*
In closing
I enjoyed reading your story; I like your style and writer's voice. You're confident and comfortable with words, and that comes across as genuine.

Please remember, I'm only one person with an opinion.

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Review of Rendering  Open in new Window.
Review by Nixie 🦊 Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hi Fyn Author Icon Thanks for bidding on and winning my review package!

*BulletB* Thoughts/Impressions
Another expertly crafted story. Emily's gone on a journey that expressed one of my secret desires. As a kid, I used to stare outside my window at the half-acre backyard where I grew up and wondered what would happen if I just started walking and never came back.

*BulletB* Plot/Setting/Characters
Once I adjusted my brain to the multiple POV's, I began my journey through your charming plot. It was only after a few hours of reflection that I realized how many clues I overlooked.

Emily stops on a whim and begins a new life, her only condition, seclusion. Mortimer strangely benefited from her visit, and this theme continued throughout the story. Adding in her apparent match-making skills lulled me into complacency. Emily seemed like a young woman with an air of mystique. Everyone she encountered remarked on her pleasant personality and ability to put them in a positive state of mind. I certainly bought into it! *StarB*

The scene is built around an old-fashioned town, with simple folk who have good hearts. What is seen through Emily's eyes is both enchanting and peculiar. I thought maybe she was gifted in some extraordinary way and ran off to escape her past.

The plot thickens:
Enter the seedy-looking man, who Emily easily identifies. She's so calm and self-assured, when I expected her to be upset and perhaps ask for help from the local police. When she returns home, she paints the cottage exactly how it appeared before the abandonment. Again, I decided she was gifted in a positive way.

Both the librarian and Mortimer are vivid characters and offer a small cast of characters, rounded out by brief mentions of other town folk. Why was I not suspicious of her innocence? Perhaps your description of her?

*BulletB* Here come the questions
I only ask lots of questions when I'm invested in the story. It's never a reflection on skills.

I can't figure out why the story begins with a description of the cottage.

The part where Mortimer muses about the solvency of Emily's check seemed contradictory. In one sentence he's doubting and the next he's not. I'm guessing he was only concerned for a moment and within a few seconds his reservations were swept aside. This could have been clearer.

If I'm running inner dialogue and use italics, I don't use dialogue tags. Also, extended italics distract me. I simply run the "dialogue" in with the characters' scenes. What a clumsy explanation! Obviously, it's an author's choice; I'm offering my two cents, which might make no sense. (sorry, could not resist)

I had to read the sentence that begins with this several times before it made sense. Maybe if [branch] was plural.
Bright flashes of robin

In the second to last paragraph, I wondered why you didn't continue the sentence about the cat's reaction by writing "and hissed," or if you wanted to begin a new sentence I expected "she/he hissed" because we know you're talking about the cat. Did you construct that sentence by repeating "the cat" for emphasis?

Initially, I wrote a few comments about presentation; normal rather than bold font and indented paragraphs, but then remembered you're a publisher and hardly need my input!

*BulletB* In conclusion
I won't give the story away be divulging the clues scattered throughout. My first thought after reading this was, huh? That was the reason I stepped away, waiting for the dawning. I smiled and shook my head at how easily you deceived me. Well done! You certainly have a way when weaving a plot.

Thanks for the opportunity to read and review your work. Take my comments for what they're worth. I'm only one reader. *Smile*

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