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3,621 Public Reviews Given
3,660 Total Reviews Given
Review Style
Template most of the time, covering setting/plot/characters/conflict/resolution if applicable. For shorter works, I concentrate more on feelings evoked.
I'm good at...
Short story, chapter reviews and in-depth reviews.
Favorite Genres
Sci-fi, Romance, mystery, children's, comedy
Least Favorite Genres
Historical
Favorite Item Types
Short stories, novel chapters
Least Favorite Item Types
essay, editorial, non-fiction, somebody's homework assignment
I will not review...
*Bulletb* XGC, *Bulletb* Items that are written in a small font with little or no spacing, *Bulletb* I am unable to review any pieces involving abuse of any kind to anyone. I like to keep my corner or the world happy, because I grew beyond my "challenges" of childhood and don't want to look back.
Public Reviews
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1301
1301
Review by Nixie 🦊 Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
Hi Chris Murray Author Icon! Here's a review for your Electric Packagefrom "Invalid Item" Open in new Window. gifted by KerrieAnnS Author Icon

Overall Impression
Is there anything more exciting than an unusual plot? Not when you're a reader/writer/reviewer.

I liked the casual, at times, flip, tone of voice in this piece. Like the title says: "Just another....

Absolutely hilarious thinking of "turning off your dead wife for six months..."

The soldier's dialogue runs along frankly and sometimes audacious. A few sentences I had to read over several times before I caught on, but maybe it's just me. I'm referencing paragraph six, when he discusses hiring criteria. I think what you're saying is no one checks references or backgrounds, as long as the person is qualified. They must check something, otherwise how would they know if you don't [skive off too much,]? Which means [clip] or [cut]. I wonder which synonym you chose to make this verb work? Just curious.

I lost my way in P5, because the soldier does clip his words and speak with economy. I'm not sure what the point is. Sorry.

In P7, he "says" "you know how it is." when I really don't, but it's funny that he just expects everyone to understand. Great job with characterization.

Suggestions
The Bailey Institute crops up []a lot in scientific journals.
Oops. Typo. [in]

thirty four year old dead blonde with an axe to grind.
thirty-four-year-old (hyphenate words that modify a noun)

When you break it down all we’ve ever wanted is the good life and the simple truth is that costs money.
I can think of several ways to punctuate this sentence to help clarify the meaning. Here's one
When you break it down[,]all we’ve ever wanted is the good life[,] and the simple truth is[,] that costs money.

Thanks for the enjoyable read, and the opportunity to review your story. I like your easy style. Or at least, this marine's.


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Review by Nixie 🦊 Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hi Prosperous Snow celebrating Author Icon I'm here today to offer a return peer review-one reader's reaction.

*BulletB* Thoughts/Impressions
I had way too much fun reading this piece. I was laughing before I even finished the first paragraph. Then, the poor mother's circumstances had me cringing. Three children are more than enough for me.

On the other hand, it goes right along with my personal experiences. Thoughts create reality. Not specifically, like the ninth witch's, more generalized.

Did I miss the price the ninth witch has to pay for using her magic?

*BulletB* Editor's Desk
Because the brother's birth is another story, it didn't add anything to this one.

Do you want to capitalize [witchland] because it is a proper noun?

I use my power to create [need] item[]
Oops. typo. [needed] [items]

*BulletB* In conclusion
I laughed reading the conclusion, especially about the camel, and her observation that her animals cannot reproduce. Little tidbits of quirky stuff often spike the plot.  *Thumbsup*

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1303
Review of Wishful thinking  Open in new Window.
Review by Nixie 🦊 Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: ASR | (4.0)
Hi Micha Wheeler Author Icon I'm here today to offer a peer review-one reader's reaction. Welcome to WdC!

*BulletB* Thoughts/Impressions
Your story put me right on the edge with the character. Her shedding of her clothes made me wonder what was coming next. I felt the wind pushing me back, the cold ground, and the smells. I thought I was the only one who finds dirt aromatic. You offered a full sensory experience.

"She smacked her eyes open"
Unless she's slapping her eyes, the verb [smacking] sounds off. You use it gorgeously in your last sentence, so don't waste it here. Close your eyes, think about opening them, and choose a verb that fits. I was thinking [snapped.]

*BulletB* An original phrase I liked
*Heart* ". . . the fine line between safety and the thrill, between stagnation and death."

*BulletB* Editor's Desk
When you're editing, remember, less is more. Allow your reader to fill in the blanks. For example:
with an old t-shirt and sweatpants that were a second skin to her. They hung on her like old friends
I would choose only one image. Are the clothes like a second skin, or an old friend? Or can the [clothes hug her body like an old friend]?

She walked to the edge, the wind blew her hair so she could feel its cold slap on the back of her neck.
The wind whipped her hair, exposing her neck, and the cold wind snapped against her bare flesh.

The next sentence gives more information about the wind, but I think it detracts from the power of the visual. Consider combining the two sentences, or deleting the second. Why the second? Because [wind slapping] is unique, when most stories show the wind tangling hair and getting in eyes and noses. I liked the first sentence.

P 2 and the grass [caressed] the hollow between her toes.
P3 She made two small steps so that her toes [caressed] the very edge,
Avoid using the same word in close proximity.

*BulletB* In conclusion
I have never stood on a precipice, contemplating human flight, but I would feel almost exactly the same way as your character. Giving up on life in a good way. Since we live in our minds anyway, an imaginary experience is real. The story could be a classic falling to one's death; I never experienced your story that way, and I'm not sure how you accomplished this. From the beginning, I knew your story would fill me with a sense of freedom.  *CheckG*

Great work, that needs some polishing. A fine edition to the website. Welcome, welcome, and keep up the good work!

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Review of Danger in Toronto  Open in new Window.
Review by Nixie 🦊 Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (3.5)
Hi there, kat Author Icon! Please accept this as a peer review-one reader's reaction. Welcome to WdC. *Smile*

*StarB*
Thought/Impressions
The unusual title drew me in, and I wanted to keep reading because you composed a story for a contest, and those are some of my favorite reads.

The first paragraph, optimally the first sentence, hooks the reader. Right away, a feeling of doom, or urgency settles over me. I'm curious. *CheckG* Although a dinosaur smuggler is an original character, I wondered frst, what about him suggests he is a dinosaur smuggler, and how does it relate to the plot? The story sounds contemporary; are there dinosaurs in your story world?

This was my favorite sentence, because it meshed tightly with the prior two sentences.
*Heart* She was awash in fear.

Okay, here's another favorite sentence. It's a perfect example to demonstrate the show vs. tell.
*Heart* That hit me like a five ton hammer.

*StarB*
Still thinking...
Your story has all the makings to create a compelling detective/body guard plot. It's easy to sympathize with the Candice and the imminent danger.

The reader is unsure if Leroy can be trusted, and when the main character calls the police station, I'm filled with dread. The character gives Leroy the wrong location for the safe house, and the [body guard?] deduces Leroy is on the take. How?

*Idea*
Suggestions 
When you begin your editing, keep a few things in mind.
Less is more. If you don't need extra explaining, or there's anything not directly related to the plot, take it out. (I'm not sure why the dinosaur smuggler is essential.) Maybe you're writing more chapters, and you'll need the character later.

Instead of telling us what was discussed when Candice meets the main character [I could not find a name] try writing dialogue. It's snappier and keeps the reader interested. Here's some examples:
She said her name was Candice and she told of how she was there when the boss had ordered the baker killed.
"I saw the boss kill the baker, and I'm on the run."

The woman in red was escorted to my table by the waitress
The waitress escorted the woman in red to my table.

I was on the hit list? Candice seemed sure that I would soon be killed if I was not careful.
"I'm on the hit list?"
"Yes, and if you want to stay alive; be careful."
You could also choose to be more specific about how he should be careful. "Watch your back," is the first thing that comes to mind.

*Right* Do you feel the difference between the passive verses active voice? Learning how to show, not tell is a skill authors develop through practice. *Smile*

In some sentences, the [baker] is capitalized, in others, he is not.

*StarB*
Lasting Impressions
I'm invested in the characters. Who can resist a man protecting a woman by stashing her in a rented house for a month. Who knows what might happen when they're alone, together?

Good for you, getting your work out there for review! You will soon discover all the richness and texture of the website. Enjoy, and Keep on Writing!


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Review by Nixie 🦊 Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
Hi stacie Author Icon Please accept this as a peer review-one reader's reaction. Welcome to WdC!

*StarB*
Plot
A father tells his son about an island where unspeakable things happen. A few days later, he dies, and John is left with the burning desire to unravel the mystery of the "Island of No Return."

John finds letters that answer no questions, just warn of monsters and admonitions not to visit the island.

My favorite part:
The first sentence after "20 years" demonstrates your ability to weave a gripping story. In that sentence, more than any other, I connected with John. *CheckG*

Of course, John has to satisfy his curiosity, and abandons his family.

In the final paragraph, a new character, Fredrick, has a dream. He frequently visits his mother's grave, but has no memories.

*StarB*
Still thinking...
Why did I summarize your plot? I needed to sort out the timeline, and also allow you the chance to see if your message comes across as you intended.

Nothing 'revolting' was revealed, and perhaps this is your intention. I felt no fear of the island.

Rather than begin your story telling the reader what the story is about, just go ahead and dive right in. The most gruesome aspects are revealed in the beginning. Why not consider incorporating this into your plot, perhaps through the letters John discovers?

*Idea*
Suggestions 
Drafts are fun. We write them straight from our minds, not worrying about essential details. Then, we go back and edit.
A few suggestions. I know you're aware all proper pronouns must be capitalized. In this story [John] should be capitalized.

The title of the story should be properly capitalized.

Precise punctuation is essential for running a smooth plot. No author wants the reader distracted, mentally correcting mistakes.

I may be mistaken, but can the same comet appear twice?

I'm left wondering how John's father died. Was it somehow related to the island, or a heart attack?

And who is Fredrick?

*StarB*
Lasting Impressions
Great job getting your work out there for people to read and review! I know I offered several suggestions; some are basic editing skills easily corrected. Take your time.

Shortly, you'll discover this website is fantastic. Reviews help sharpen our skills. Friendships are forged. Contests spark our creativity. Soon, you'll be thinking of WdC as your home. Enjoy and keep on writing!

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Review of Disappearing Act  Open in new Window.
Review by Nixie 🦊 Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hi, solcalscribe. This is your final review for your Nuclear Package courtesy of "Invalid Item" Open in new Window. and your Secret Santa.

Overall Impression
I chose this story because my son was a disappearing act as well. It had nothing to do with Hide and Seek, it was much simpler. Vanish and watch. He was only five years old the first time we lost him. The phone was in my hand to call the police and report a missing child when my daughter found him hiding in the neighbor's bushes; obviously, enjoying the family freak out.

Plot
Rather than just a cute story about a kid, you found another aspect to juice up the action. Throw some social commentary in there about divorce and parents getting even through kids. It can be a cruel game, but in your story, no harm done. Just a nice laugh. Serves the dad right.

Final thoughts
I'm always impressed by your impeccable, flawless presentations, although I will fight you over using underlining rather than italics for emphasis. Just kidding. Okay, I'm curious why you choose underlining.

I've enjoyed all your stories. You're a gifted author who feels comfortable in any arena. You handle your words with authority, and I know if you wrote it, no matter the subject, I will like it.

Thanks for the opportunity to read and review your stories. I guess I should thank your Secret Santa for buying you this review package.

~Nixie


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Review by Nixie 🦊 Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Hi Jeff is Gru in #2343485 Author IconHere's another review from your Nuclear Package from "Invalid Item" Open in new Window.

Overall Impression
Your second sentence in the first paragraph tweaked my nerves, maybe because the word [secret] was used.

Uncle Jed taught us the secrets of rod and reel.

Plot
The fog rolling in authenticated my first instinct and I prepared for the upcoming catastrophe. I never anticipated what happened, and you have a way of making things both spooky and hair-raising.

From that point, the plot ran fast. First the horrifying discovery; I appreciated the way you made brief mention of it without adding unnecessary gore or vivid description. The meaning was clear.

I may have enjoyed a few moments of normal breathing, but not after the two men came knocking at the door. Things went sideways fast, and quite a bit over the top. I guess in the country, men can be ruthless without cause or fear of retribution. All those guys coming after one kid. Unthinkable.

The show-down in the basement showed the cleverness of the father and brother working with what they had. I was very angry when the story was ended without a resolution. Hardly seemed fair after getting me all worked up.  *Wink*

Considerations
I can't think of one thing that did not work in this piece.

Final thoughts
You know how to tell a story, and I've never read one I have not liked. The action is tight, the characters easily related to, and the topics are out of the ordinary.

As always, thanks for the privilege to read and review your work.


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Review by Nixie 🦊 Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi, thaiwriter Author IconHere is a review for your Lightning Package courtesy of "Invalid Item" Open in new Window. per your request.

Wow. That's an impressive story. Anyone reading this will add their well-wishes to mine. The first paragraph is quite a draw. A duty-Captain thought you were testing him, and the on-duty Medic caused more problems! You put in your own line. Amazing you survived to make it to the hospital.

I liked reading all the specifics of your experience—how frightened you were when you woke and saw all the tubes and wires attached to your body. The doctor reassured you it was all normal. It sounds more like an alien invasion than post-op.

One thing keeps niggling the back of my mind. You mentioned your nurse, Lisa, but no family members. Was there anyone else by your side? I think not, because you wrote no one was at home to help with household chores.

I've sat through all my dad's surgeries, fingers crossed, especially when the "four hour surgery" stretched to seven hours and no one kept the family updated.

This past May, I fell and broke my foot on Friday and had a temporary cast on it with an appointment to see an orthopedic doctor on Monday. When I tried to use the restroom in the doctor's office, the pneumatic door slammed shut while I was only half way through, hobbling on crutches. The impact knocked me straight to the floor and broke my hip. I know something about waking up after surgery and having to move around. Not fun.

Heart surgery is a monumental roadblock in life to move around. You ended on a positive note. Good for you!


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Review by Nixie 🦊 Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hi spook Author Icon. Here's the review for your Fossil Fuel Package (one story or poem up to 8kbs) from "Invalid Item" Open in new Window. Gifted by: Santa's Secret Blogger

Overall Thoughts/Impressions
Simply put, yours is one of my favorite stories. The plot is clean and pure. You're focused on one character and his mysterious ethereal companion. Death is represented as falling to a person's death, a sensation some humans fear.

You created a vivid picture in my mind. I felt hollow with loneliness and not-so-very thrilled to be standing on a precipice with David. You placed me in that abyss, and I felt his fear.

*Heart* A favorite sentence:
You are a fragile creature

Emotions Evoked
I continued being right there with David, feeling his hand in the woman's. Feeling his fear drain into her essence, relieving and eventually releasing him.

I liked how he didn't find complete relief the first time she took his hand. That would have been expected. In your story, this being allows him all the way into her, allowing him to be wrapped up in her identity, her love.

. . . .she wasn’t able to take away all the fear after all.

*Xmastree* Powerful and unique imagery. I love waterfalls.
but it was a detached sort of feeling, like being in a cave behind a waterfall.

My only question, and perhaps you want the reader to draw his or her own conclusions, who was the woman? Was she a real person he wanted to love, or an angel. But then why would he have been afraid to love someone he never knew? And, if she's real, why not mention her name or their history? I'm just asking. It's your story.

Last thoughts
Your story is remarkably error-free and it was a pleasure to read and review.

** Image ID #1729347 Unavailable **
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Review by Nixie 🦊 Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hi, Gaby Author Icon. Here’s an extra review for your Lightning Package from "Invalid Item" Open in new Window. gifted by Your Secret Santa! *StockingB*
I reviewed your CNote shop when the package called for six short story reviews. Oops.

Emotional Impact
I'm skipping right to the emotions evoked when I read this. Buying dolls for me was one thing my mom and I enjoyed together. Okay, we both loved shopping, but the dolls were always special and only for Christmas gifts.

We used to peruse the Sears catalog so I never knew which doll my mom would select. She never disappointed. My favorite was a Southern Belle doll, complete with ringlets in her hair and a fancy bonnet. She was my treasure until my brother came into my room and squirted her luxuriant eyelashes with his water gun! I was in tears.

She was undamaged once her eyelashes dried out. Fifteen years later, my brother approached me and asked if I could forgive him. He nearly broke my heart. He wasted all those years worrying about my feelings and feeling guilty. He's an awesome person. The thought of him being unhappy in any way is unacceptable.

Okay, so off on a tangent Nixie goes. I cried real tears when your dad walked in and handed you the doll of your dreams. It's clear you were happy with every and any gift, never expected such an exquisite gift. And you still have her and the memories. I bet your parents remember as well.

My heart is brimming over.  *Heart*
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Review by Nixie 🦊 Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hi, Gaby Author Icon. Here’s the last review for your Lightning Package from "Invalid Item" Open in new Window. gifted by Your Secret Santa! *StockingB*

Excitement Galore!
I hope everyone who reads this review stops by and adds your C-Note shop to their favorites. I know I will!

Members can choose from
Winter Greetings -
Wonderland - precious images with sweet themes
Winter Holiday - an eclectic selection from fanciful to simply gorgeous

Inspirational - Determination - Motivation
My favorite: "Strength" Because I often feel like I'm falling apart.

Classic Birthday CNotes
Eight quotations to choose from.

I found a Cnote in the Birthday Congrats selection that tickled me. Included with all the others, a "sorry I missed your birthday" note awaits all of us who missed those email reminders. It's easy to lose track and this note is funny and not sugary apologetic. (There is cake involved.)

I encourage all readers to stop by and see what my words cannot express. You'll be delighted. Thanks, Yellow Witch for your impressive contribution to WdC.
1312
1312
Review of Sleeping Angel  Open in new Window.
Review by Nixie 🦊 Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hi, Gaby Author Icon. Here’s a review for your Lightning Package from "Invalid Item" Open in new Window. gifted by Your Secret Santa! *StockingB*

Thoughts/Impressions
When I read the first sentence, I wondered where the story was headed. It could be a bad guy willing to harm someone, but I was relieved when this was not the case.

What a tender story. *Heart* A man willing to drink in his wife's appearance without disturbing her. He's a loving man, feeling blessed to have her in his life.

I wonder how many men are out there who would act the same way? Not many I suppose. But it definitely makes a great story, because we all want to believe the best is available, and we are immersed in this when reading a story like yours.

The comparison between her skin and the satin sheets may not have been the most original, but it worked for this piece. The last two sentences sealed the story with a kiss. We used to say SWAK back in the day.

Considerations
Ellipses are formed with three dots between each and a space on either side. I'm referring to the punctuation in the first sentence.

Emotional Connection
I know it's a weird observation, but I can almost feel the glow of his love.

** Image ID #1729357 Unavailable **
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Review by Nixie 🦊 Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Hi, Jeff is Gru in #2343485 Author Icon Here's another review for your Nuclear Package from "Invalid Item" Open in new Window., gifted by Your Secret Santa!

I'll admit this was a hard piece for me to read. My son is not quite the seasoned soldier, but he's seen two tours in Iraq. He not only has PTSD, but also Traumatic Brain Injury. When the IED's explode, the body armor stops the shrapnel from penetrating, but the energy is still absorbed by the body. Soldiers who have survived explosions sometimes die a few days later because all their internal body parts have shifted.

My son watched the tank in front of him disappear. That's how it looks because the bomb is under the tank and creates a crater when it explodes. The tank just drops out of sight.

I was right there with Duke, knowing how my son jumps at fireworks and is crazy nervous in crowds. I guess it's a good thing he required neck surgery; it's kept him away from Afghanistan. Once his year of recovery is up, he'll be deploying again.

Just like Duke, he has a little girl who adores him, who saves him. So much of this story is like my son's life. There is nothing else for him except construction, or manual labor if he ever leaves the army. Which is why I was surprised when Duke left. His injury was healing, and in your story, you made a compelling case for him to stay enlisted.

I hope he's content now that he's reviewed and feels good about his decision to leave. My son was literally top gun and promoted faster than anyone. Now, he's lost it all and his spirit is broken. It's like losing your job. You lose your identity.

I'm happy for Duke.

Okay, now that I'm done writing a review with nothing more than my personal connections, which is the hallmark of a gifted writer, I offer my compliments for another beautifully written and presented story. You're an amazing author.

I will stay away from your portfolio for a few days and give someone else a chance to enjoy your work. Be warned, however. If no one picks up a review soon enough, I'll be back.

Thanks for the honor and privilege to read and review your work. You bring out all these feelings and give rise to memories; it's a profound experience.





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Review of The Flower Girl  Open in new Window.
Review by Nixie 🦊 Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
Hi, Jeff is Gru in #2343485 Author Icon Here's another review for your Nuclear Package from "Invalid Item" Open in new Window., gifted by Your Secret Santa!

This story has me laughing and shaking my head. You are excellent at comedic relief. April's off-the-wall comments are priceless.

Plot
The story moves from a single scene with a girl unhappy with her unmarried life. And then, conflict comes in on two legs. Kim Greene. Joined by two more legs. Kenny Davis. Smart move, letting Kim use her married name to make the moment when the rivals met a huge surprise. Poor April!

April's conflicted now because the money is good and she needs it, but on top of everything, the couple is genuinely in love. April has the good grace to suck it up. Most of it.

*Heart*
April tried her best to smile, focusing on more pleasing thoughts. Like "accidentally" backing over Kim with her car.

You covered the next eight months neatly in a few sentences and moved to the next big and final scene. I was so much into April being perfect, it cracked me up when she gobbled up so much cake. In fact, she was known for it.

I never expected her to meet anyone, although weddings are often the beginnings of other relationships. I was surprised you let that moment slip by so fast, until I read the conclusion.

Considerations
Considering you're so good with not repeating words, this one stuck out.
April [set] about the business of preparing for her appointment. She [set] out her scrapbooks of past weddings,

I have nothing further for you, other than thanks. Your writing mechanics are impeccable as are your storytelling skills. It was my pleasure to stop by and read this story.



** Image ID #1729365 Unavailable **
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Review of Perspective  Open in new Window.
Review by Nixie 🦊 Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hi, Jeff is Gru in #2343485 Author Icon! Here's another review for your Nuclear Package from "Invalid Item" Open in new Window., gifted by Your Secret Santa!

Overall Impression
I had to come over and see what you wrote in other genres. This is a totally different piece from the other. In a way, it's not your voice at all, but I do see you're talented in this genre as well. Just in another way, if that makes sense to you. I'm generally nonsensical.

I was surprised at the mundane beginning—don't bash me over the head—considering what I just finished reading. All stories have their own purpose, and perhaps the low-key writing is what made the conclusion that much more startling, and laughable—in a good way.

Which is why, on this particular day, his father had a hard time believing him.
Considering the verb tense so far, it seems the last part should read "his father was having a hard time believing him."

His father looked at him affectionately, unable to resist his son's sense of childlike wonderment.
You don't need the adverb affectionately, because it's obvious through his thoughts and actions the dad is affectionate. Less is more.
(Less words)

"Is it a bird? Or a plane?"
Ha-ha. You forgot Superman.

Sure enough, there was a strange craft streaking past their field of vision.
A silly observation, but I expected to see [was] in italics, not underlined.

Not a bad story considering you used only 276 words. Kudos for entering contests and trying new things. I'm always impressed by authors who can write for contests; my brain freezes when I see the word.

I hope I didn't step on your toes. If I did, feel free to stomp all over my portfolio, but I think you've read everything in there.

Perspective. Fitting title, for it's all about how we see the world. *Thumbsup*

** Image ID #1729365 Unavailable **
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Review of Danny  Open in new Window.
Review by Nixie 🦊 Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | N/A (Review only item.)
Hi, Sunny! Here's another review for your Nuclear Package from "Invalid Item" Open in new Window., gifted by Your Secret Santa!

Oh, Sunny. Here's a piece I never expected to see in your corner. I'm sorry for your loss.  *Heart*

It's obvious how much you loved your brother, despite his attempts to push people away. Alcohol can make a strong person waver; there's no courage in the bottom of the glass. Just more emptiness.

I hope he was able to read this tribute before he passed. I know it would have greatly comforted him. He was very lucky to have such a positive and loving sister. And I'm sure he wanted to be everything you wished for him. No one wants to be miserable. Sometimes it's all we're capable of.

I wonder how his life was affected when he received his death sentence. Did he brighten and enjoy what was left, or was he too ill? I too, hate the "c" word and have lost more than a few people to that horrible monster that comes from nowhere.

I lost my sister in 1984. Leukemia stole her away when she was only thirty. She was bright and beautiful, a big sister I loved who ended up with a not-so-sunny life. I don't know what it's like for you, because you were torn away from your brother, not in direct touch when he died. I sense you're sad, but also at peace.

Thanks again for opening your heart and showing us your feelings. You have a different way of writing that I never comment on, because it's all consistent, and it must be part of who you are. I'm talking about little stuff like comma placements, or grammar, none of which seem applicable when I review your work. For me, you will always be only Sunny.  *Sun*
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Review by Nixie 🦊 Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi, Sunny! Here's another review for your Nuclear Package from "Invalid Item" Open in new Window. gifted by
Your Secret Santa!

Wow. You are brave and clever. This is quite an undertaking, offering to review at no cost. You're generous of heart, but I already know that. I noticed you began this in 2009, and it's still up and running. I'm impressed.

All the merit badges seemed a bit overwhelming. What if you posted all the review merit badges you have? Now, that would be quite a resume for discerning customers. I'm only half-kidding. I tend to lean heavy on presentation, and for me, that means matching color fonts and a balanced page.

Each author approaches their creations differently, and this one is very Sunny, as always.


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Review of Jasmine  Open in new Window.
Review by Nixie 🦊 Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi, Humming Bird Author Icon. Guess what? Another review from your Nuclear Package from "Invalid Item" Open in new Window..

Is there anything you don't do well, especially considering English is not your first language. (I'm assuming.) This time you entered a contest with a prompt. You're so willing to get your work out there and share your life with the community.

In all of your pieces, I find one sentence or paragraph that stands above the others, and I enjoy showcasing them for anyone who reads this review.

*Heart*
“Jasmine, you are the diamond of this coal mine. That’s why pieces of coal can’t stand you.”

You wrote about unruly students. This is a real problem in the states, and especially so in Florida; the state is ranked in the lowest average. Partially, this is due to poor attendance, drop-outs, and kids who speak Spanish more than English. Classes are available for those students.

Excuses aside, we're still ranked low. This was true when I moved here in 1984, and there's not been much improvement. These students are creating a difficult adulthood because they won't be able to secure careers. It seems to be that education is a top priority.

I'm thrilled Jasmine (cute name choice) was able to rise above her disabilities and ignore her unruly classmates. She was rewarded for this, which doesn't always happen.

A few thoughts:
Again, I suggest normal font and color for your stories. Author's privilege, of course.

In the first sentence, I would put the dialog tag right after Jasmine speaks, rather than spacing a new paragraph.

You can assume readers know what a rickshaw and super glue are, so you might consider removing the notes and explanations. However, I did not know super glue destroyed clothes, so I did learn something new, as I always do when I read your work.

As always, thanks for the opportunity, and for your generous spirit.

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Review of Realizations  Open in new Window.
Review by Nixie 🦊 Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi,Humming Bird Author Icon! Here's another review for your Nuclear Package

All the messages in your pieces are inspirational and uplifting. I can't stop thinking how many youths and young adults would appreciate your work.

Your themes run along the lines of understanding personal value over friends and monetary gains. This comes across vividly. My absolute favorite line in your story:

*Heart*
She had run after glass pieces instead of looking for diamonds.

I always find some bit of culture relating to your life in Bangladesh. I wonder what a salted cookie tastes like? Salt is used in every cookie I bake, but I've never heard of a salted cookie. If you find time to respond to the review, I would like to understand exactly what you mean.

I wasn't sure how the "drug addict" doorbell ring related to the story. It was obviously the trigger that rushed Nupur's feet down the stairs causing her accident, but what does a drug addict ringing a doorbell sound like?

Nupur could not do anything in bed except [studying.]
Oops. I know you meant to type [study].

If you're looking for a professional appearance, I suggest normal font and color, rather than bold red. Just an opinion you're free to ignore.

Thanks again for the opportunity to read and review your work! *Smile*

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Review of Inspiration  Open in new Window.
Review by Nixie 🦊 Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hi Humming Bird Author Icon! Here's another review for your Nuclear Package

The more time I spend in your portfolio, the more inspired I become. I know this disability was mentioned in another of your pieces, but I wasn't positive the story was factual.

Your story is incredible from beginning to end. Your father obviously made the right decision, despite the consequences, because you are working so hard to make your life enjoyable and memorable.

I'm sorry for the negativity you've been exposed to, but thrilled you were able to rise above the cruel comments.

Now, I understand the other story you wrote about the mom encouraging the daughter to disconnect from the media world. You worked your way into happiness by finding your own strength within. And, you've been successful, as evidenced here at WdC.

Your contributions are an asset to the community, and I read and review your work with pleasure and appreciation.

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Review of Melody  Open in new Window.
Review by Nixie 🦊 Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hi, flaguni. Here's another review for your Nuclear Package from "Invalid Item" Open in new Window.. Gifted You Secret Santa!

It's a bit unusual to review a folder, but I was curious. Images delight me and you created them yourself, so I was doubly interested. The fish is simply precious.

I liked Cnote image 1 and 2 the most. The messages are heartfelt and create an emotional response. I read both of them several times. The text looks great and is perfectly balanced for the image.

If you take a peak at Cnote 2, you'll notice [rhythm] is misspelled and easily corrected.

Great name for this folder.  *Smile*

Keep up the good work. I think you're having fun—just one way WdC enriches our lives.

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Review by Nixie 🦊 Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi, Humming Bird Author Icon Here's another review for your Nuclear Package from the "Invalid Item" Open in new Window., gifted by Your Secret Santa.

*Bird*
The hook
The first paragraph captured my interest and made me want to read the entire story. *Thumbsup*

I did wonder if a bird would exclaim
"God! My stomach is growling already!"
Are birds aware of the human God we worship?
In the same sentence, you don't need to attach a dialog tag because Babui's thoughts are in quotations.  *Smile*

Simple Joys
I enjoyed reading your story about the weaver bird and appreciated the image you provided. It gave me a great visual to enhance the little guy's nest building skills.

The ant friends were precious. I never thought of them as friends, rather than food, for a bird. Mr. and Mrs. Pipra were outstanding characters. They socialized with Babui and worked to cure his injury.

Ants fascinate me; they have a social hierarchy which includes burial teams and food gatherers.

Are the details about how the weaver bird builds a nest factual? I was fascinated by the enormous effort. Is there a mate to help with the creation?

Cardinals are my favorite birds. I've often listened to one mate calling to the other for more than half-an-hour. I looked up in the tree and said: "Give it up, buddy. She's not coming home." Of course they always reunite. The female is more brownish-red, while the male is bright red because the female keeps a low profile to protect her eggs.

Sorry I went off on a tangent; your story brought to mind my experiences, and that's a sign of a good writer. You drew me in. Sweet Write.

An observation:
He sat on a tiny pebble nearby.
Although I know you're talking about the bird, it's a bit confusing because both the bird and the snail are in the prior sentence, which causes a bit of confusion, wondering exactly who is sitting on the pebble. Rather than "he sat" you could write "Babui sat" to clear that up. Maybe I'm the only one to mention this. It's your story; my thoughts are yours to explore or ignore.

Thanks for the opportunity to read and review your story.


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Review by Nixie 🦊 Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (5.0)
*MushroomBr* Hi Maryann Author Icon I'm here with a review from "Invalid Item" Open in new Window.as part of your Earl Grey Package, gifted by eyestar~* Author Icon *MushroomBr*

*MushroomBr*
THOUGHTS/IMPRESSIONS
Wow. This is a wonderful Cnote shop! Some animations drive me wild in a bad way. All that jumping around messes with the rhythm of my brain, or something. *Laugh*

*MushroomBr*
WHAT I LIKED
You stocked your shop with a wide variety of messages, perfectly suited for WdC. I like "Thanks for your help" the most for the message, because I need to send those out like letting water run from a hose. That's how many times people help me.

My favorite in presentation is "Just an update." The colors are bright and cheery. The shadowed font is just the right touch, not too much, not too little for the image. It's sure to brighten anyone's day.

It's obvious you feel deeply for all the members of the website. Your shop is a great asset to the community. And animation is just plain fun. Except now, I'm thinking my brain waves are altering . . .

*MushroomG*
CLOSING THOUGHTS
Do I even need to say I'm adding this to my favorites? Nicely done. Quite special and unique, like you!

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Review by Nixie 🦊 Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (5.0)
HI, Humming Bird Author Icon! Here's another "Invalid Item" Open in new Window. review from your Nuclear Package gifted by Your Secret Santa.

Overall Impression *Ornament3G*
I know this piece already has a ribbon and five star reviews, but I liked it so much, I could not resist reviewing it.

The way you handled the prompt impressed me. The girl in the story is handicapped and you worked that in so it was interesting and poignant, not as a cheap way to garner reader sensitivity. From the first sentence, I was invested in your character.

Still thinking . . .  *Ornament3G*
This story has one smart mother guiding this girl. What a clever ploy to encourage the child to read. Teaching her dolls. That's precious.

When my kids were growing up, our world centered around reading. Every Saturday, each child brought home ten books from the library, for a total of 30 that we read throughout the week. The next Saturday, we traded them all in (except for a few favorites) for another thirty. To this day, all three of my kids are avid readers.

Ringing in the bells *Ornament3G*
Wow. What really grabbed me was your closing sentence. I only noticed later that it was also the title. The simple rhyme is precious and memorable.

Excellent verb choice in the end. [trudge forward] *Thumbsup*

You don't need me to say "Well done." You already know that. It's worth repeating. "Outstanding write!"

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Review of Inseparable  Open in new Window.
Review by Nixie 🦊 Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Hi,! Here's a review from "Invalid Item" Open in new Window. as part of your Nuclear Package gifted by Your Secret Santa.

Overall Impressions
Your story has a powerful and timely message for all readers, moms especially. I worry quite a bit about how kids are growing up. I'm a grandmother now and did not have to keep track of over-usage on computers and games. I limited their television time until they were old enough to want success, not entertainment.

A few thoughts
When I like something I read, I have questions. The mother and daughter are obviously close (implied in the title) but the back and forth of view points distracted me. It's easier for me to identify if one person is telling the story.

How is this accomplished, assuming you wanted to? In a few areas, you use direct dialog and that's the number one way for characters to "speak their minds." You are trying to present both the daughter's issues and the mother's sacrifices to keep her daughter happy.

I wonder what's important to the story? For instance, why mention the pinch on the bus? To show how much the mom endured, of course. But, it came across as sort of non-interesting.

The entire time I've been writing this review, I've been trying to think of a way to express myself and offer suggestions to liven this up. The basic tool is showing not telling. Rather than tell me Rubina is eating chocolate corn flakes late at night, you can turn this into dialog. For example:

"Rubina? Not chocolate corn flakes again? Why don't we work together and come up with a healthy diet?"

The way I make a story work is to put my characters together in a scene. Okay, character one, what do you want to say to character two, knowing what point I am trying to illustrate?

Rubina can have her internal dialog to explain the mother's life.
[I hate knowing my mom has to ride home on a bus...]

“Wow, I wish I had that beauty.” Rubina thought aloud as she looked at the familiar face on the wall.
When the reader knows a character is speaking, there's no need to use the words [thought aloud]especially since you used quotation marks.

“Hello, mom, when will you be back?” It was Rubin on the other side of the phone. She sounded pretty sad.
Try to avoid adverbs, especially [pretty sad]. Because you know why? The mom's response tells me Rubina is sad. I don't think you need any dialog tags to express the character's emotions. You've done a great job with the dialog itself. Anyhow, please know there is nothing wrong with what you have written or how you wrote it. I definitely understood the message and that's the primary goal. You have a fabulous story that might shine brighter with a few tweaks. It's your choice. *Smile*



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