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3,621 Public Reviews Given
3,660 Total Reviews Given
Review Style
Template most of the time, covering setting/plot/characters/conflict/resolution if applicable. For shorter works, I concentrate more on feelings evoked.
I'm good at...
Short story, chapter reviews and in-depth reviews.
Favorite Genres
Sci-fi, Romance, mystery, children's, comedy
Least Favorite Genres
Historical
Favorite Item Types
Short stories, novel chapters
Least Favorite Item Types
essay, editorial, non-fiction, somebody's homework assignment
I will not review...
*Bulletb* XGC, *Bulletb* Items that are written in a small font with little or no spacing, *Bulletb* I am unable to review any pieces involving abuse of any kind to anyone. I like to keep my corner or the world happy, because I grew beyond my "challenges" of childhood and don't want to look back.
Public Reviews
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Review by Nixie 🦊 Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
Hi Rhyssa Author Icon. This is the last review from your Solar Package. I am not a poet, so my response is strictly emotional connection.

Stanza one.
Part of living in America is the inner drive to be more and do more. Climb higher. Earn more money. It's like a disease. We're never satisfied.

Balancing our misguided intentions against nature, of course, humans will always be lacking. And yet, we blame ourselves.

Second stanza
Our sixth sense is aware guilt and grief are toxic to the soul. Again, we blame ourselves. One need only step aside and breathe. Focus. Forget the wasted emotions and find the joy in what counts. To name a few: Love, friendship, integrity, and peace.

Stanza three
More negativity. Regret again that we don't have enough drive in our souls to become more. Our belief we are slackers if we don't fit into the American dream.

Stanza four
All is not lost, if only the individual would listen to the inner message.

Stanza five
When we are in the correct mind set, it's not too much to ask of the stars, rather we commune through the majesty of creation.

Overall
I feel sorry for the individual in this peace, to waste so much time on needless negative emotions. It's easy to say 'live for the day' but accomplishing this is not simple. It takes fortitude and the ability to laugh at ourselves, and how seriously we take our individual lives.

I enjoy contemplating this piece. I was wondering why 'for love' is a stand alone sentence. Also, I cannot think beyond the boundaries of 'lust' as a negative thing. I guess that's why I'm not a poet. Keep up the good work.

My thoughts are my own for you to explore or ignore.

 Invalid Item Open in new Window.
This item number is not valid.
#1731286 by Not Available.


** Image ID #1877090 Unavailable **


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Review of A Flow of Honey  Open in new Window.
Review by Nixie 🦊 Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (3.5)
Hi weeza Author Icon I'm here today to offer a peer review as part of the Kiwi Challenge, but also to off an opinion-one reader's reaction.

*BulletG* Overall impression
Your story impressed me because its character, not plot, driven. Immediately, I was engaged by the feeling of Audrey's perception of a life off course. These moments often occur, but not everyone is tuned into the subtle change in the energy surrounding them.

*BulletG* Thoughts
I wanted to be pulled into the story, but the back and forth between the past and the present kept taking me out of the experience. Most of the time I was confused. The man selling crepes was Colin, but it took more than a few moments to make the connection.

Colin was presented as the husband, so the twist at the end caught me completely off guard. I had to go back and read it again. *Thumbsup*

This was one of my favorite lines. It was poetic and a clear demonstration of the plot line.
What would happen Colin if a crack in the pane appeared?

*BulletG*Editor's Desk
Years ago, introducing a story by directly stating what was happening currently and then including the foresight of what would happen is no longer favorable.

Mae was a very helpful,[] especially to her baby sister.
[person]?

And Audrey would have to agree because it was only these two little girls [that] truly understood
[who]

Audrey buzzed the buzzer on the wall
[pressed] the button would avoid having the same word in one sentence.

Track down as many passive verbs (forms of to be) and see how you can transition the sentence using active verbs.
She wasn’t sure if it was the rain, or the phone call she had just received while sitting at a Madison Ave café, that was the cause of her conflicting feelings.
For example: Was it the rain, or the phone call that caused conflicting feelings? It's always best to be specific. What were her conflicting feelings?

*BulletG* In conclusion
Sometimes words get in the way and paring down the passive verbs would tighten the read. The presentation of Mae and Audra's friendship was told, not visualized. This is most evident in paragraph 12. Showing the girl's exploits would draw the reader in. The interruption of [you see] is authorial interruption, where the author directly addresses the reader.

The back story of Audrey's experience with her brother in the hospital did not advance the plot. Because you are developing Audrey, a simplified approach would make this stronger. Rather than telling the reader about the exact experience, this is a great opportunity to show Audrey's feelings about being in a hospital. It's not as much the story of what happened; its always about the feelings, the thoughts of the character.

For instance, Audrey's past experience was gentle, whereas mine has been so negative my stomach flips just by walking through the door. If I had to explain this quickly to give the reader a chance to share my feelings, I would include [something like] "the antiseptic smell washed over me, carrying memories of my dad's endless surgeries."

The story is strong in its message about fate and how lives play out. Is everything preordained or do we have free will? Audrey grew up in a negative environment and was determined to find a positive path.

I continued reading your story despite the confusion because I cared about Audrey and the beginning [without the authorial intrusion of foreshadowing]of the story appealed to me. It's a much more intense draw if the reader discovers this when the plot unfolds, without being told in the beginning. Does that make any sense to you?


Had I not cared about your story, I would not be presenting such a lengthy review. My comments are meant to encourage, not discourage you. The thoughts are my own, delivered in the spirit of WdC, where writers help each grow. Please ignore any comments that do not help you. I apologize if I crossed a line with my suggestions; your story concept is phenomenal and editing and reediting and reediting again and again will reveal the nuggets of gold you are offering your readers. Keep up the good work!

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Review items for big prizes! Gift points, merit badges and more! Open to everyone!
#1919085 by Osirantinous Author IconMail Icon


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1253
1253
Review by Nixie 🦊 Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hi Maryann Author Icon In the spirit of WdC, where authors help one another, I'm here today to offer the *GiftB* of a review.

*BulletB* Thoughts/Impressions
Yet another contribution from your brilliant mind to our marvelous website that is full of promise and optimism.

*BulletB* What I liked
A unique and fun event that will appeal to all members. When are we ever afforded the opportunity to have a wish granted, with the guarantee someone will fulfill it?

Every time I have checked, "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" Open in new Window. is the top reviewing group, and this is a great way to bring in some funds. I know this activity will be an instant hit.

I like the image at the top. I can imagine holding up a seashell, and after listening to the ocean sigh, whisper my guilty desire.

*BulletB* In conclusion
I looked at the forum and the fulfilled wishes. It's great to see members making wishes for fellow authors. You made this possible. Pat yourself on the back.

** Image ID #1877090 Unavailable **
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Review by Nixie 🦊 Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
Hi Eli VanDyne Author Icon I'm here offering the *GiftB* of reviewing in thanks for your visit to my portfolio.

*BulletB* Thoughts/Impressions
The story begins with a familiar scene, a man waking up in a hospital, disoriented and drugged, memory wiped. The strength of the story is found in your characters, who keep the plot moving, and the reader engaged.

*BulletB* What I liked
The story was well thought out and the plot flowed evenly, despite the need go backward to reveal what happened prior to Paul landing in the hospital.

The bar scene was real and vivid, easily pictured, because you are able to create memorable characters. The four punks act exactly like punks; there's always a ring leader. I was relieved when John was able to extricate Paul from the threatening violence.

*BulletB* Considerations
Sometimes, words get in the way, or they're too hyperbolic. Such as the description of Paul spitting out a camel.

This sentence is so lost in the verbose wording, I had to disengage from the plot to puzzle out the meaning. Never a good thing. Storytelling flows; it's not the time to impress with literary skills.
The equation behind outright bragging . . .
I know I'm stepping over the line with this suggestion, but I like the read much better without that entire paragraph, simply leaving in Paul's response to his brother's bragging. It's a quick scene that demonstrates the brothers' relationship and it's stronger if the dialogue flows.

You run into the same trouble in this sentence.
Paul on the other hand, was as blunt as a 50 year old axe, and always perspicuous.
Perspicuous is a great word, but doesn't tell the reader much about Paul. What makes him perspicuous? It's best to draw the reader in with candid remarks and examples, revealed in dialogue or showing.

In one section, this worked for you. I liked how you described David's wife taking her husband's place next to Paul.

*BulletB* In conclusion
Everyone has moments of 'what if?'
When returning to New York State after a visit to Florida, I needed to go to two grocery stores to complete my list. I could have waited. Had I waited, the man who busted down my door, leaving a giant footprint, would not have made off with some valuable, non-replaceable jewelry. The sliding doors in the living room made it obvious the robber had been forced to flee by my arrival. John's remorse was very real.

This beginning is interesting, but only the brief description intrigues me enough to feel compelled to read more.

Please forgive me if my comments are out of line. The thoughts are my own; one reader's opinion. Your work is remarkably free of errors, and that was a genuine plus. I appreciate the opportunity to read and review your story. Keep up the good work!

** Image ID #1877090 Unavailable **


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Review of Mommy Mayhem  Open in new Window.
Review by Nixie 🦊 Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with  Open in new Window.
Rated: ASR | (4.0)
Hi, Grace♥Leo health issues Author Icon I am here today offering the *GiftB* of reviewing in thanks for your visit to my portfolio.

*ButterflyB*
Overall Impression
Having raised three kids, and now helping raise my grandsons, I took right to this piece. Who can forget the mistakes of a first mother as shown in this comical and lighthearted tale? The mistakes are devastating when we mess up, but somehow, the babies do survive.

*ButterflyB*
What I liked
The part where the mom wishes she was an octopus and how this tied into the bathing event. The thought of a positive outcome from the dunking made me laugh and appreciate the clever remark.

I wanted the nurses to come with me when I took my first daughter home. Their expertise and ease impressed and frightened me. No way could I handle a newborn with such confidence. Yes, there were a few brief classes on child care, but nothing prepares a mother for the non-Gerber baby.

I chose to breast feed and lived away from any friends or relatives. No one told me how to break the suction after the nursing period until six weeks later when my sister-in-law called me. My mom stayed with me for a few days after the birth, but not long enough for the umbilical cord to dry up, allowing the first bath. She demonstrated with a doll, but real babies are slippery and don't like the water. Washing the hair was the worst.

*Pencil*
The fine print
It's a picky point, but the sounds the baby made, although accurate, looked like too many vowels strung together.

*ButterflyB*
Closing comments
Despite this being a short story, it seemed like these experiences came from reality. Maybe they did, but Ironman coming out at the conclusion was a comical and unexpected twist. Too funny.

It's a great skill set to be able to look back and laugh at our mistakes. I remember just staring at my newborn and asking her why she was crying. Seriously, I followed all the instructions to soothe her. Either she had colic or I was a nervous wreck remains a mystery. I know the second daughter was easier. How do they survive?

I'm so happy you found your way over to my portfolio so I had the opportunity to read and review your work. It was my pleasure.

** Image ID #1921222 Unavailable **


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Review of Bleak Light  Open in new Window.
Review by Nixie 🦊 Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hi Jellyfish - HAPPY 25th WDC!! Author Icon I'm here today to offer a peer review-one reader's reaction, and in thanks for the item you reviewed in my portfolio. *Smile*

*BulletB* Thoughts/Impressions
Confining a story within 150 words is an impressive accomplishment. I was satisfied and the experience was not diluted, nearly as strong as if you had written over 1000 words. *Thumbsup*

*BulletB* What I liked
Even without emphasized character definition, I was able to connect to the couple and celebrate Jack's joy. The story was moving morosely, so the happy ending was a genuine surprise.

*BulletB* Editor's Desk
I don't have much to comment on. In the first sentence, you can eliminate the second "I" and that gives you one more word for your count.

Did you use "and I felt nothing" twice for emphasis? Because word repetition generally weakens the write. Just asking. If he felt nothing, then he felt nothing, not even numb.

*BulletB* In conclusion
Thanks for visiting my portfolio, giving me the opportunity to meet you and enjoy your work. My thoughts are my own and in no way a commentary on your skills.

Almost forgot. Great idea to choose an unusual setting!

** Image ID #1877090 Unavailable **


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Review by Nixie 🦊 Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: ASR | (4.5)
Hi Elise-Saiki-Vannessa-Scarlet Author Icon Thank you for requesting a review. It's my privilege to read and review your work.

*StarP*
Overall Impression
An overwhelming experience of mind, body and soul, which was a joy to read.

*StarP*
Character/Setting/Plot
The story setting is in Elise's mind, and I was instantly drawn to her and cared about her welfare. She speaks candidly with a poignant air that kept me in a state of not quite anxiety, but a sense of impending disaster.

*StarP*
Emotional Connection
The entire piece, told from first person POV, was expertly crafted. It wasn't the tragedy that made me care, although he's a bright and charming character. Rather it was her heartbreak that "broke" me.

I read this four times (the first was last night) to absorb all the emotions and progression of the plot. The last paragraph is the most moving, and the ending sentence will stay in my mind forever, because it's *oh so true,* and you have eloquently expressed the desolate feelings of loss, which is not that easy to articulate. *Thumbsup*

*Glasses*
Considerations
The beginning paragraph is vivid and compelling. The description creates both an image in my mind and a feeling. My only thought was it went on for too long and took away from the imagery.

I'm not sure how to identify the four lines that appear in between the thoughts because I've never seen this presentation before. I will call it prose. The first time this happens, I paused at the third line as light is illumination. Maybe because reviewing prose or poetry is beyond my ken; the last line made no sense to me.

In the line that begins with "We hadn't spoken for years," the side comment "hey, but who's counting" seemed extraneous to me. I connect with her pain and obsession because she's keeping precise track of the passage of time. I already know enough about the character without her offhand comment.

This phrase is commonly used
edge of my white shirt that soon turned into a blooming crimson rose
which surprised me because most of your work is original. However, the second part of the phrase stood out and made me stop and think, enthralled and imprisoned by the imagery, which "justified" the somewhat trite. I can't think of a more effective way to "show" what's happening.*Thumbsup*

It's often said that short titles, even one word, are the best because they're easy to remember. I would consider shortening it, but am hesitant to offer any suggestions. It's your choice.

*StarP*
In Closing
I read your bio and did a double-take. For an author so young, without English being your first language, able to compose a gorgeous piece like this, amazed me. Your contribution to WdC is a marvelous one.

*I am only one reader with an opinion. My thoughts are my own and not to be considered as an evaluation your skills. Keep up the good work!

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#1300305 by Maryann Author IconMail Icon


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Review of Bug Reporting  Open in new Window.
Review by Nixie 🦊 Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: ASR | (5.0)

*PoseyV*"WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" Open in new Window.'s Spring Review Raid!


In honor of our Spring Raid, I typed "bugs" into the search box and found this. It doesn't fit the spring theme, but it's such a valuable page, I decided to review it in hopes others see it.

*PoseyV*
Overall Impression *StarG*
An unique forum for *Bug* reporting!

I'm familiar using the technical forum, so this is new to me. It's an outstanding idea! The animated image for the header had me laughing at first glance. Now, I can't keep my eyes off it.

The responses are timely, which is no surprise, because all the members benefit for the expert handling of the website.

*PoseyV*
Personal experience
I read a few of the posts and was surprised to see some of the exact issues I was having with the copy/paste. Because "dumb computer troubles are me," I decided to refrain from asking. Now I know the answer. It only bugged around for a day, maybe two, and I was relieved to see it go.

*PoseyV*
In closing
Now that I will be thrown out of the Spring Review for reviewing a non-Spring item, please remember me when I am #100 on the "most credited reviewers." Just kidding.


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Review by Nixie 🦊 Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi, catwoman Author Icon and welcome to
*PoseyV*"WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" Open in new Window.'s Spring Review Raid!


In the spirit of our Spring Raid, I typed "garden" into the search box and landed here.

*PoseyV*
Overall Impression
This was an unexpected pleasure to read! I'm not a butterfly person (they scare me ever since I read a Ray Bradbury story about a butterfly collection)but here, in your words and pictures, I was able to enjoy the show!

In Florida, where it seems the sun never goes away, butterflies abound. There are several butterfly encounters in my area, and I was thinking about my granddaughter's experience when I took her. She's a gentle three-year-old, nearly 4 now! and the butterflies landed on her hands, same as your experience. It's a beautiful picture, but something about all those feelers and feet continues to frighten me.

*PoseyV*
Shout-outs
If I'm afraid of butterflies, why am I complimenting your efforts and hanging around to look at the photos? Because it's a remarkable experience; an education in how to attract and raise butterflies, and a sensual delight.

*PoseyV*
Considerations
I found a few punctuation slip-ups, but nothing detracted from the presentation, although a few commas in the paragraph 5, S 2 would help. I had to read that one several times.

*PoseyV*
In closing
It's true, I am afraid, but from afar, I admire the Monarch. When I was a kid, we studied them and I was amazed to learn they actually migrate! Last summer, I found one perched on the handle of my Jeep and a feeling of awe overtook me. I was so grateful for her visit.

Thanks for the opportunity to read and review your work. Please ignore my comments if they do not help you.


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1260
1260
Review by Nixie 🦊 Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hi, GabriellaR45 Author Icon and welcome to
*PoseyV*"WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" Open in new Window.'s Spring Review Raid!


I found your item by typing "garden" in the search box.

*PoseyV*
Overall Impression
What an exceptional item! The header is rich and beautiful, the concept is unique and well, brilliant!

The presentation is gorgeous; the purple font lends a feeling of unity and hope. Your words are delightful and full of enthusiasm. If only I had a garden to grow and make a contribution to the wonderful selection in the forum.

My mom always planted tulips in the back yard, and she loved showing me the bulbs that would bring spring flowers year after year. She didn't have a garden, but always had brilliant red geraniums on the front porch. It was my job to water them and I loved it. In the winter, they were moved inside, where my mom scolded them for needing water. She said they grew better when she threatened them. Oh, the memories that surface when I find a piece like yours.

*PoseyV*
Shout-outs
This is an amazing community activity.

*PoseyV*
Considerations
Here and there I noticed a few words missing a space in between them.

*PoseyV*
In closing
Gaby, everything you bring to the community is a delight. Especially you. Thanks for the opportunity to read and review your work.


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1261
1261
Review of Seasonal Friends  Open in new Window.
Review by Nixie 🦊 Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi, aralls and welcome to
*PoseyV*"WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" Open in new Window.'s Spring Review Raid!


I found this poem by typing "swing set" in the search box.

*PoseyV*
Overall Impression
I never can resist personification, and your poem brought me close to many of my experiences. There's something about a swing set that always say Spring! especially in the dead of winter.

*PoseyV*
Shout-outs
My favorite:
Monkey bars now poles of chill,

*PoseyV*
Considerations
In the first line, I probably read it wrong, but if the season is Fall, the next is Winter, and that's much farther away than weeks. (Considering where the swing set is waiting.)

*PoseyV*
In closing
I am into my 50's and still remember the joy of pumping my legs, daring to swing higher and higher before jumping off. Last month, when I was in Georgia with my grandchildren, I swung just the same as they did. My daughter-in-law snapped a picture with me and the kids. I'm wearing this giant, wide-open smile that defies the years.

Thanks for the opportunity to read and review this; it was my pleasure. Any comments are yours to explore or ignore. Outstanding write!


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1262
1262
Review by Nixie 🦊 Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi, Lorien Author Icon and welcome to
*PoseyV*"WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" Open in new Window.'s Spring Review Raid!


*PoseyV*
Overall Impression
This is a gorgeous piece. In its quiet way, a woman bubbles with life experiences. In only a few sentences, you created a glorious vision in my head.

One of my dreams is to dropped off in a hamlet in Germany and learn from the natives, not by books and teachers, and I bet this woman learned fast.

I love the rhythm of words when she describes where she lived and who she lived with in the different cities. She was confident and never felt guilty about the way she grasped life, nor should she!

*PoseyV*
Shout-outs
This description really caught my eye and added texture to the story.
cruel richness of Vienna,

It was followed by a romantic and memorable sentence.

*PoseyV*
Considerations
none

*PoseyV*
In closing
I never expected to come across piece like this when I put "flowers" in the search box. Thanks so much for the opportunity to read and review your work. It was my pleasure.

Congratulations on the publication. *Wink*

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1263
1263
Review by Nixie 🦊 Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi, Fyn Author Icon and welcome to
*PoseyV*"WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" Open in new Window.'s Spring Review Raid!


I have to remark on the perfect title for this piece. Outstanding.

*PoseyV*
Overall Impression
This was a poignant read. Even though I guessed the conclusion, I still had chills up my arms when I read the last paragraph.

*PoseyV*
Emotional reaction
As soon as the story began, I thought of my mother-in-law's mother. She had both legs amputated because of her severe diabetes. Every day her wheelchair was parked in front of the window, where she could watch the world outside. She kept her spirits high and motivated her daughter to always use her legs, and that message was passed onto me.

Rose and Jimmy led a beautiful life with good friends and love. My dad loved to tinker outside but it's too detrimental to his failing health. I thought about how much he must miss that activity. Lucky for him, he never muddied my mom's kitchen. She's not forgiving like Rose.

*PoseyV*
Considerations
Two things stood out. In the second paragraph, the experience would be warmer by skipping the first two "telling" lines, and jump right into her inner thoughts.

In the third paragraph you used past perfect when simple past would work and get rid of those annoying passive verbs.
The three ladies had had a good old time.

*PoseyV*
In closing
Although I guessed the conclusion, I did not see the final line coming at all. That's when those soft hairs on my arm rose.

Thanks for the opportunity to read and review your work. It was my pleasure. Now, I have to blink the tears out of my eyes, thinking about my aging parents and who will die first.

You penned a lovely story, full of warmth, love, and humor. Thanks for providing such a meaningful and delightful experience.


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1264
1264
Review by Nixie 🦊 Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: ASR | (4.0)
Hi, ChrisDaltro-Chasing Moonbeams Author Icon I'm here today with a review in the spirit of WdC, a nurturing place to learn and grow. I found your item here;

"Invalid Item" Open in new Window. *Books4*

*StarV*
Overall Thoughts/Impressions
Not knowing what to expect, I dove into the story and let the experience take me. I was surprised to discover so much "philosophy" about the nature of life and death. Many thoughts expressed in this short story run similar to my own.

*StarV*
Setting/Plot/Characters
Agnes is presented as an odd character who is familiar with the "other realm." As the story progresses, I sympathized with her plight and was worried about her. She took so much on and it overwhelmed her, yet she was a compassionate soul willing to help, despite the dangers.

She actually develops a bond with Temperance, explaining her worldly woes, allowing the reader to see her back story. Agnes has several suggestions, all believable. When she begins her ceremony, I was spellbound just like Agnes and Temperance. The event is unique and supernatural; I liked the descriptions of all the tools used by Agnes and what they accomplished.

*FlagV*
Suggestions
A few things detracted from the experience. You probably have readers who prefer the bold font, but it's not a professional presentation.

Check your usage of semicolons throughout this piece. When using a semicolon, both sides must be a complete sentence. If you can substitute the word [and] a semicolon is appropriate.

Maybe it's a stylistic choice, but an em dash (formed by holding the alt key and pressing 0151) is the accepted standard, rather than two dash marks.

However, in this and other sentences, ellipses are appropriate to show hesitation in speech.
“I--I don’t know.”
"I . . . I don't know."

Agnes jumped in her armchair. Her bones seemed to melt.
Jumping and melting bones sound like to opposite actions. If her bones are melting, how can she jump? Maybe she can jump, and then her bones seem to melt.

Her smile overflowed with frustration.
This didn't work for me. I can't picture a smile of frustration. Maybe her smile faded to frustration.

*StarV*
In closing
I was totally immersed in the story of crossing over the conclusion shocked me. Grisly, but well done. *Thumbsup*

Thanks for the opportunity to read and review our work. As always, the pleasure is mine. Please ignore any comments that are not helpful.

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Review by Nixie 🦊 Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (3.5)
Hi teal1355 I'm here today to offer a peer review-one reader's reaction. I found your story here:

"Review Me List for WDC Power -ON HIATUS" Open in new Window.

*BulletB* Thoughts/Impressions
The beginning of this story drew me in because I'm fascinated with the state of consciousness in relation to what we consider inanimate objects. Call me whatever, but I embraced the idea that the meteor could become self-aware. However, like the majority of humans, we are often not noticed when we make our splash.

*BulletB* What I liked
The satire threading through the plot kept me smiling. Poor fish, he had so much to offer during his "15 minutes of fame." Yes, we knew everything he had to say, but were oblivious to the miracle.

Choosing Lake Superior as the point of impact added yet another humorous slant. The magical water aspect had me shaking my head. Someone always finds a way to exploit humanity; in this story, selling bottled water that has become enchanted because the carp lived there.

*BulletB* Editor's Desk
The plot got a little fishy after it talked to the fisherman. Last we know, the fish is still trapped in the net. As soon as I read "closed its' large maw" I thought this was the place where he would bite through the net, tidying up that little detail.

The fish comes back to talk to humans, but there's no explanation. How were people able to talk to it? Maybe it's not important to the plot, but it had me wondering.

Didn't the effects of drinking the water bring on a new era of peace and goodwill, negating P 10? (The first paragraph after the dialogue ends.)

The fish was dissected, so how can he be thrown to the fishes in the end?

The side comment (wouldn't you?)took me out of the story. It felt like a shift in POV because the author is directly addressing the reader. A few other areas: (yes, talk) (and what news he heard) had the same feeling of authorial intrusion.

Perhaps consider losing the first few lines in P 9. In fiction, we make every word count. If the initial communication was boring, why mention it at all? Why tell us what George heard and dismissed, and then use dialogue to illustrate? The dialogue was snappy and funny and with a bit of tinkering would be all you needed. Maybe you'll discover you don't even need that paragraph. Keep the line about George thinking about a movie he saw. Brilliant! You can put those thoughts into the exchanges with the fish.

*BulletB* In conclusion
Your story created a unique reading experience. The plot is clever and fresh. I laughed at the conclusion, of course the man who bottled the water is rich.

Cutting back on some of your words, as suggested above, will make this a tighter read.

The bold font is affronting to me, but I bet many members send appreciation. *shrugs*

The thoughts are my own for you to explore or ignore. Thanks for the opportunity to read and review your work!

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Review of Emergency!  Open in new Window.
Review by Nixie 🦊 Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hi Cherokee Rose Author Icon I'm here today to offer a peer review-one reader's reaction, and as a thank you for reviewing one of my stories!

*BulletB* Thoughts/Impressions
You did a great job writing this story. The little girl's thoughts and reactions fit perfectly. I can easily visualize her as she makes her way through the house, searching for her father.

*BulletB* What I liked
I love kids and Stacy almost felt like a daughter. Her panic was real and her chopped sentences and thoughts were age-appropriate. Stacy acted wisely for someone her age. What did we do before we could dial 911 for help?

*BulletB* Editor's Desk
Panic stricken[] she grabbed her flashlight.
It feels like a comma belongs there, but I can't think of the specific rule.

Watch out for passive verbs. They drag down the story.
he doctor had assured her he would soon be as good as ever.
You can try working in some dialogue here. Would Stacy know what a concussion meant? A doctor would probably say her daddy's head hurt.

I mentioned Stacy's thoughts being short and choppy. This can work against you if it's overdone. I was looking at P 3. Keep mixing up sentence length and variety for a solid read.

*BulletB* In conclusion
Very nicely done! Thanks for the opportunity to read and review your work. It was my pleasure, and thanks again for the review!

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Review of My Name Is Mud  Open in new Window.
Review by Nixie 🦊 Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi Winnie Kay Author Icon Here's a review for you because you were locked up! "Invalid Item" Open in new Window.

*MushroomBr*
Overall Impression
What a delight to find your story! The bright girl narrating drew me right into her life and I wanted to know everything about her.

I did not attend a Catholic school, but we had classes every week. No one used a ruler, but one did draw small brick houses on the chalk board and told us we each had our own house in hell. And, we believed her.

*MushroomBr*
Plot/Characters/Setting
The plot unfolds at a steady pace and held my interest. Sister Collette is a vivid character with enough quirks to highlight her unique self.

Later in the story we meet up with Wilma's grandfather, who thinks he knows everything. *Wink* I know the type. He tells an enchanting story that might propel me to Google the story and check out the veracity.

*FlagBr*
Considerations
Sister Collette has a warm Irish brogue, but some of her dialogue sounded more southern than foreign. I'm not Irish, though.

Picking oneself up by the bootstraps was a phrase that rang in my ears as a child. Is it of Irish heritage?

*MushroomBr*
In closing
Thanks for the opportunity to read and review your work. Lucky for me you were jailed, which led me here. It was my pleasure.


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Review by Nixie 🦊 Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Hi,Shannon! Here's a review for your Big Bang Package from "Invalid Item" Open in new Window. as gifted by Jeff is Gru in #2343485 Author Icon

Overall Impression
Wow. Starting right from the image at the beginning, this story is dynamite! It kept me enthralled all the way to the conclusion. I never wanted to skip ahead or breeze over a paragraph. All the descriptions created a strong visual and brought me right into Willow's home and kitchen. You made every word count and composed a tight read. *Thumbsup*

Plot/Characters/Setting
The action takes place in the cottage depicted and all a witch's possessions complete the impression of "witchiness."

Both Penney and Willow are lovable and charming characters. I was invested in their lives, I wanted to know everything about them. *StarR*

Penney is the perfect character to ground Willow and the reader. In the beginning it's a toss up for what kind of witch Willow is. When Penney appears she's quirky and comical, calling her witch friend out for all the crazy-sounding antics. I laughed when she is jokingly-irritated by Willow's ability to feel her presence before she knocks.

The fun continues when the hyphenated words are introduced. Willow's and Penney's friendship expands as the plot progresses. Questions are raised to heighten the experience. Who is Paisley and what is the meaning behind Willow's dream?

The foreshadowing is resolved in the conclusion, with plenty of humor. The *Cat* name is fitting but comical and Penney once again plays off of Willow.

I wanted to tell Penney that men try to fix things, but she already knew it. Savvy girl!

I can draw conclusions about what a Green Witch is, but wondered if you had something specific in mind.

My favorite part was the Bellarmine Jug; Willow announces it means one thing, but uses it for another.

Suggestions
The story looked flawless to these eyes.

Parting thoughts
The conclusion is just the right cap for this witch's tale. Penney and her deadpan humor win the day.

Thanks for the opportunity to read and review your work. It was my pleasure!


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Review of Subs and a Soda  Open in new Window.
Review by Nixie 🦊 Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: ASR | (3.5)
Hi Enchantress MysticJoy Author Icon I'm here today to offer a peer review-one reader's reaction. Also, in thanks for reviewing one of my stories.

*BulletB* Thoughts/Impressions
The story takes place in a deli that is so familiar to me, it's as if I've been there. The owner is able to guess what the patrons will order. Very endearing.

*BulletB* What I liked
I had no idea where the story was headed; the plot unfolded in tiny, deliberate steps, no high action or strong dialogue and part of me was wincing, dreading a gory ending because that's how the bad stuff is often revealed in stories. Everything sounds so simple and innocent, but in the end it's not.

I was surprised by a gorgeous conclusion, mirroring compassion, which is not often seen. *Heart*

This observation caught my attention. I was thinking the same thing! *Thumbsup*
they appeared so “pretty” together.

*BulletB* Editor's Desk
Here's a few thoughts to consider. The reader does not need a literal description of the characters, unless it's something directly related to the story. You can always include facts by letting one character describe another, or shorten it up:

Pieces of her high ponytail fell across her shoulders in twists and curls.

Her red toenails, encased in sandals, accentuated the curves of her calves.
(Okay, that one is dumb, but you get the idea.)

You can use action
The boy's designer sneakers squeaked on the immaculate floor.
She stared into his intense green eyes. (that's also trite, but I'm just pulling stuff out of my head.)

In the paragraph that begins with
The boy turned to the girl...
consider cutting down on the amount of words. Remember, the less the better. What really happened. Imagine in your mind.
He pulled her into a tighter embrace and she kissed him.

*BulletB* In conclusion
I like your story, that's why I offered a few extra suggestions. The thoughts are my own for you to explore or ignore. My intention is to help the way others have helped me.

I appreciate the opportunity to read and review your work!

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Review by Nixie 🦊 Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hi ♥tHiNg♥ Author Icon Here's a review for you because you were locked up! "Invalid Item" Open in new Window.

*MushroomBr*
Overall Impression
An outstanding use of a prompt. The story reads as if you've edited it with precision for over a decade.

*MushroomBr*
Still thinking
Your story was a joy to read, original, fresh, and comical. It's a light read and the humor kept me engaged. I tried to imagine an animal friendly computer and library where the internet is reliable, rather than shaky. Surely, an engineer was a-hoove to create ergonomic furniture for animals.*Laugh*

*FlagBr*
Considerations
In P 4, the tense switch is not incorrect, but it pulled me from the story. Hooves "needs to be" but her human "liked to use."

*MushroomBr*
In closing
I continue in my efforts to figure out why everything related to your work is bovine inspired.

Thanks once again for the opportunity to read and review your work.


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Review of Fishing for peace  Open in new Window.
Review by Nixie 🦊 Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with  Open in new Window.
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
Hi, Pita. Here's a review for you because you were locked up! "Invalid Item" Open in new Window.

*MushroomBr*
Overall Impression
Yours is a fantastic write. The words are fresh, unique and original, making this a compelling and poignant read. The way you phrase your sentences kept me enthralled, and although I wanted the reading experience to pass as one session, I stopped here and there, pausing to think "wow."

When you mentioned a kid throwing a chip of rock at you it reminded me of my son's first tour in Iraq. My daughter put together packages for the kids, crayons, coloring books, and the like, for the soldiers to distribute. My son said it was a horrible experience. The opposite of yours. You had to withhold, at what emotional cost I cannot imagine.

The bigger kids beat up the little kids to take all the gifts and had no idea what to do with them. Such a sad moment and an education. It's hard to imagine kids baffled, or annoyed by coloring books.

Showing us your body as a map you followed, as illustrated by your scars, broke my heart.

Paragraph 5 brought to mind: Wherever you go, there you are.

When you wrote:
And at night[s] there isn't anything between me and me
I grimaced. The only respite from my mind is using "white noise" to block the fears that threaten while I fall asleep.

...cell phone that I can turn off and pretend the reception was bad
*Pthb* We're all a little nuts from always being available.

...my fishing vest with all the items that counterfeit me a fly fisherman
You have a way with words that brings me right into your head.

*FlagBr*
Considerations
P 3 like tracery, bear witness to a booby-trapped [cane].
[cave]?

Quick note: Capitalize "Peace" in the title. *Wink*

*MushroomBr*
In closing
Your story is gracefully and beautifully told. I wanted to highlight every single sentence; they were all remarkable.

Thanks for the opportunity to read and review your work. "Fishing for Peace" will linger in my mind.

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Review by Nixie 🦊 Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (3.5)
Hi Silent Heart Author Icon Here's a review for you because you were locked up! "Invalid Item" Open in new Window.

*MushroomBr*
Overall Impression
I understand English is not your first language, so let me first say how impressed I am with your bravery. I can't imagine trying to write in another language.

The message was strong and heartfelt. A woman finds an old trunk and uncovers an unknown past that now lives forever in her mind. The father's thoughts were so sweet and loving; I could imagine the woman sitting in the dust on the floor, reading and crying. Her dad was so devoted to her!

My son is in the army, but right now, injuries are keeping him from being deployed to Afghanistan. I can't imagine how hard it will be for my granddaughter when her dad has to deploy. She's a real "daddy's girl."

This line stood out to me. I like the way you phrased it.
"who is that lady..?"she had a question in her mind.

This sentence created a beautiful image in my mind.
You put [on] my cap and salute[d] me like a little soldier.

*FlagBr*
Considerations
Here's a few corrected sentences to help you learn. (I hope)
She slowly open that mystery old trunk.
She slowly opened the mysterious old trunk.

It filled with old clothes
It was filled with old clothes

The day I leave home you were come to me
The day I left home you came to me


*MushroomBr*
In closing
After reading this story, I felt closer to you. It sounds strange, but I have no other way to describe what I'm experiencing. English is a difficult language to conquer; I'm sure as you continue your work here your understanding will deepen.

Thanks for the opportunity to read and review your work!


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Review by Nixie 🦊 Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with  Open in new Window.
Rated: ASR | (4.5)
Hi Princess Zelda Author Icon Here's a review for you because you were locked up! "Invalid Item" Open in new Window.

*MushroomBr*
Overall Impression
The brief description drew me in as I wondered who the tiny steps belonged to. As a mother of three, and grandmother of three, my mind went straight to kids.

Your lovely piece goes to another part of my heart. Nature and music are like magic to me. The right song can turn my day around. A light rain does feel like being kissed.

The deep appreciation expressed in this piece kept me here a bit longer while I visualized the scene and thought about my experiences with rain. In Florida, the rain is quite fearsome and rarely kind. Sometimes it blows so hard it stings my skin! Now, the rains are less frequent, so I spent some extra time here imagining an anguish so deep only nature can ease the pain.

I can't think of a better remedy. Other than singing in the rain. *Laugh*

*FlagBr*
Considerations
I am no poet, so no comments from me.

*MushroomBr*
In closing
Thanks for sending my mind to a peaceful place this evening. I appreciate the opportunity to read and review your work!


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Review by Nixie 🦊 Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi GabriellaR45 Author Icon Here's a review for you because you were locked up! "Invalid Item" Open in new Window.

*MushroomBr*
Overall Impression
What a remarkable experience. I began with one set of emotions, thinking the guy in this piece was an awesome man, a man of dignity and quiet power. I liked him. Until I got to the last two paragraphs.

*MushroomBr*
Still thinking
I had to turn around and read it again and again, wondering how I got so mixed up. I could see his architecture; I lived in Maine for seven years, so I related to the walking in the woods; I dated a guy who always had pencils around because he was a custom builder of sorts; I connected with it all.

I wanted to believe he was some romantic god, and in a way, he was. A sort of threatening romantic, better suited to living alone.

*FlagBr*
Considerations
Everything looked great to me.

*MushroomBr*
In closing
Yours is a character I won't be forgetting for some time to come. He's unique, fascinating, alive. I can see why you had to emphasize he was fictitious.

Great work, but you don't need me to tell you. Thanks for the chance to read and review this piece, sorry you had to be jailed for me to track you down. *Smile*


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Review by Nixie 🦊 Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Hi KerrieAnnS Author Icon I'm here today to offer a peer review-one reader's reaction,and because you were jailed!

*BulletB* Thoughts/Impressions
Stories like yours are impossible to resist. It's easy to get lost in a plot where a loved one is dying and following along with the grieved survivor as they travel the journey of acceptance.

You did a marvelous job doing just that! The last sentence in the first paragraph chilled me; I felt what Mrs. Lawton was experiencing.

*BulletB* What I liked
The foreshadowing in paragraph two was so subtle I nearly missed it. Well done!

*BulletB* Editor's Desk
P 2 If they had let her she would of stayed here because
Suggest: If they had let her she would of have stayed here because

*BulletB* In conclusion
I won't reveal the shocking conclusion. However, because of the way the sentence was worded and punctuated I was drawn from the story trying to decipher the meaning. I'm not sure I can reword it better, and I don't want to try in this review because it will spoil the ending. If I confused you and you want to go back and forth exchanging ideas, please email me.

My son-in-law's mother died this past April. She was only 54. The family had to make the decision to let her go, but there was no choice. Her body sustained too much damage while they attempted to continue her life. She was unconscious for at least a few hours and unaware. Wow, that's all I can write; I'm tearing up.

Thanks for the opportunity to read and review your work. Please remember the thoughts are my own for you to explore or ignore.

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