Welcome to WDC. You have don a good job with your first piece, and I am sure you will have many more to follow.
Just a few little mechanical things, nothing serious.
Spring has flown away, - don't think you need a comma after this line
The sixth early bright. - this line is a bit confusing. Not sure what it refers to
And “ships at their last sparring - should be an apostrophe after sparring
Or lying to rest.” - should be an apostrophe before lying
Their hopes and still dreams,
Of brave nautical sailors - think it would sound better to say "the hopes", and also do not need a comma after this line
Pain and infliction - think it would sound better to say "pain and destruction". I realize you are trying to rhyme here, and to find the right number of syllables.
Just a few minor things. They do not detract from your over all good job.
I enjoyed reading your poem "Cascade" very much. You did a good job using Stormy's words. The reader can really feel the emotions and the weather in this poem. I especially liked the last verse, and wish I was laying under cherry trees relaxing also.
There were no obvious spelling or grammatical errors.
I enjoyed reading your poem about how someone feels when being hanged. You have done a good job, but there were a few problems.
I am not sure that i liked your leaving out the apostrophe in "I'm" and "don't", and also off the end of words like "hangin". While I can see that you are leaving out punctuation in your pom, some punctuation is necessary to maintain good grammar.
from something that dont seem to b - in this line you have left the "e" off of the word "be". I don't know if that was intentional, or just a typo.
that are slamed on the ground - in this sentence "slammed" is misspelled.
Hi, Amanda, Thanks for responding to my review. I have re-rated your poem as promised.
I enjoyed reading your poem about how someone feels when being hanged. You have done a good job, but there were a few problems.
I am not sure that i liked your leaving out the apostrophe in "I'm" and "don't", and also off the end of words like "hangin". While I can see that you are leaving out punctuation in your pom, some punctuation is necessary to maintain good grammar.
from something that dont seem to b - in this line you have left the "e" off of the word "be". I don't know if that was intentional, or just a typo.
that are slamed on the ground - in this sentence "slammed" is misspelled.
Make a few corrections, and I will be happy to reread and upgrade your rating.
I enjoyed reading your informative poem about Ramadan. You have expressed your feelings well, and I admire your faith.
This is a good poem, but you start out with rhyming quatrains and then switch to a free
form sort of verse. I would have liked it better if you had done either one or the other.
thanks for writing your lovely and infomrative poem on Ramadan. I have a friend who is Muslim and who is the cook at a local restaurant. Yet every year during Ramadan he faithfully fasts. I couldn't have that much will power.
This is an excellent free form poem. You have done a good job. Best Wishes, Cynaemon
I enjoyed reading your poem about "Baseball", and going on your little trip down memory lane with you. It is nice to have such memories, and to be able to write about them so well, and share them with others.
I really enjoyed reading your poem about a tennis match. You have done an excellent job with this free form poem. I know zero about tennis, (well,maybe zero.point), yet I could really see this game unfolding right before my eyes.
No obvious grammatical or spelling errors. fourfivesixseveneight - loved the way you did these numbers, could really see the ball bouncing.
I really enjoyed reading your poem "Desert Dreams". I especially liked the last two lines. You have painted interesting picture with your words, and perhaps touched on a senitment which many share, that of a peaceful place which no longer exists for us, or exists only in our minds.
I enjoyed your poem 'Song of the Taklamakan Desert'. It is very intersting. I am not familiar with the "Silk Road".
You have created some lovely images in your poem. Your poem has a nice rhythm and flow.
Do but the long trail of footprints follow - I felt there should be a comma after "do", but as you have not used any punctuation marks in the rest of the poem,I guess it makes sense not to use one here.
I really loved your free form poem about marksmanship. One can see that you are truly a master at what you do. Perhaps what I liked best was the feeling you show of being an expert and the job you get from what you do. This is how I feel when I play the piano. I love to perform. I am so inept at so many things, but when I sit down to perform I know the hands of a master are on the keys.
I liked the way the rhythm and meter changed throughout your poem.
I enjoyed reading your poem about the desert very much. You have created many strong and exotic images. I especially liked the image of your black horse, and the table set with crystal.
Welcome to writing.com. It is nice to have you here.
This is a very good effort, and you poem does have a nice and obvious sentiment of one looking for their lost love.
I find that there are many instances of incorrect grammar. For example in this line:
But I cant even imagine the place where the answer got.
I can see that you are trying to rhyme 'got" with the other end words in the verse, but "where the answer got" is not good grammar. I think maybe you were trying too hard to make rhymes.
Also, since you are rhyming the end words of your verses, i assume you are trying to write quatrains, rather than making this a free form poem. If that is the case, the poem's meter is off. You should have close to the same number of syllables in each line.
I get the impression that English is not your native language.
I think you could do a better job with this poem. I would be happy to review it again after you clean up some of the grammatical errors.
I really liked your poem "For Love". Your quatrains flow beautifully, and you have excellent rhymes. This is a very good poem, but I am not sure that I see the connection to the prompt "after the rain".
Other that that I see no obvious mechanical errors.
I really enjoyed reading your poem "Behind the Closed Door". I think we as humans do wonder, and will always wonder. I loved the way you included the great beyond of space in your poem, for that is really where we all began.
This is a well-wriiten free form poem with no obvious mechanical errors.
I loved reading your story about your sweet brother. It is always hard to lose someone we love, and in some respects I don't think we ever stop crying, even though we realize that ourlives must go on, and that no doubt our loved one would have wished happiness for us.
Thank you so much for sharing. I think you have touched upon the same feelings that many of us have, and you have expressed those feelings beautifully.
I liked the way it began with "many feelings come and go", and you followed through with this format on the second verse also. I would have liked to see the whole poem written like this, or at least a few more verses starting with "many".
then you could have wrapped it up with one long verse expressing your feelings at the end, as this is a free form poem.
I enjoyed reading your little poem "Morning Reverie." It certainly has a positive outlook. While I like the way you repeat the "Ya gotta do it honey" line, I think it is redundant to use the line "Place your fain in God" twice.
This is a nice free form poem, and I see no obvious mechanical or spelling errors.
Hi, Skold,
I really enjoyed reading your poem "Libra", about the duality of nature of man. it is an excellent free form poem, and I think the sentiment is so true. We are all two people in one, a good and a bad.
I especially liked the title of this poem - Libra - which is the scales in the Zodian. We all must learn to balance our natures.
I really enjoyed your excellent poem on age. I so agree with you. I just turned 60 this year, and I think to myself "No Way!" I look at my contemporaries and wonder what happened to them. I am still involved in the dance of life.
You have done a good job with this free form poem. I see no obvious errors.
What a lovely poem you have written about becoming whole. I really enjoyed reading it. I especially liked the second to last versem where all of your parts are attracted and come together with the magnetic force of God's Love.
THis is an excellent free form poem, with no obvious mechanical or spelling errors. Good Job.
Cynaemon
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