This is an interesting little drabble. You have done a good job sticking with the format, although I find the writing a bit rambley, with no clear beginning, middle and end.
I also do not think the title really goes along with the story. Is "you" in the title referring to the music, or to a person, or something else? If it is indeed referring to the music, then I feel it would have been more effective to write the piece to the music. For example: I live my life for you.... etc.
This is an interesting little piece. I am only vaguely familiar with the Sailor Moon Verse, but I did enjoy reading it. I don't know how close you have stuck to canon,but you did a good job of developing your story, and your characters.
The only problem I really had with this was calling it a drabble. By definition, a drabble is exactly 100 hundred words, and this is clearly much more. I would say just change the description to "a very short story", or an excerpt perhaps.
I love to write drabbles myself, and the real challenge is to make them exactly 100 words, and still have an actual story with a clear beginning, middle and end. I also love writing fanfiction, and write in the Lord of the Rings verse.
I loved your poem. You have painted such beautiful images. This is great erotica. You are explicit without being smutty, and you pull the reader in, and leave them feeling satiated in the end.
In line two it is "cum" not "come". Just a little typo.
I really enjoyed your little 100 word drabble. You have done a good job with this format. Your story has an obvious beginning, middle and end. I also liked the way you developed your chracters in such a short space. I especially liked your ending. "It's got to be." That sort of says it all. Keep up the good work.
This is an interesting little 100 word story. I think you have tried too hard to write a story just using lots of words, without really saying anything. This story is hard to read and I think most readers would not stick with it, even though it is short.
I really enjoyed reading your little 100-word story. You have done a great job with this format. I can just see the rats being, or becoming, birds. Interesting twist.
Good development of your characters, no grammatical errors, no spelling errors.
This is an interesting little 100 word story. I am not quite sure that I got the point, but it is probably just me. I think the last sentence should read "he was intent on making it so." That would make more sense for me, and it wouldn't change the word count.
This is a fun little 100 word story. I can just see you being stuck on the marshmallow couch, and unable to move. You have given me a good laugh, as I often find myself in a similar situation. How *does* it happen?
Enjoyed reading this. I think it is more a little excerpt than an actual 55-word story, but still a good attempt. I think it has potential. It does have a beginning and end.
Don't give up. These are hard to write. Keep up the good work.
This is a cute little 55-word story. You have done a good job with the format, and hour story has an obvious beginning, middle and end. Didn't see any obvious grammatical or spelling errors.
This is a pretty good little 55-word story. I think you should have broken it up into paragraphs. Perhaps start a new one with "both have closed", and another one using the last sentence. The way it is, the story just seems to run on with no breaks.
This is a good first entry for a 55-word contest. Some of your sentences need a bit of work. Especially this one: A large rugged boot firmly pressed down the right side of my face, awkwardly on the curb.
Is it the boot that is pressed on the curb or your face?
Don't give up. These little stories are very hard to write.
This is a nice little 55-word story. I can just imagine you answering the phone in anticipation with soap in your eyes, and it is only a Bill Collector. Aaarrgghh! Don't you just hate it when that happens.?
You have done a pretty good job with the format and your story does have an obvious beginning, middle and end, as is required in a 55-word story.
Hi, Connie, Eeek! good luck with the moles. Will be keeping you in my prayers.
And thanks for the thumbs up on my story, "Old One Ear."
I have considered volunteering at our local library too, but I am thinking now more along the lines of helping fellow veterans. Don't know exactly what I could do though.
This is an interesting little 55-word story. It kind of leaves the reader with a lot of questions.He? He who? The person that drove off? And why did he leave?
I think that it is great that you are exploring different genres in which to write. You just need a little more practice. Don't give up. These are not easy to write.
This is an interesting little 55-word story. It does not have a clear beginning, middle and ending. It seems more like an excerpt from a story, rather than a whole story.
Also I think the line should read "dark space that seemed to go on for an eternity." I know you only get 55 words, but I think you could have found other places to leave out two words. This sentence does not read well.
You have written an excellent little 55-word story. I could really see your characters, and you did a good job of developing them in such a short space.
You have followed the format well, and have a good beginning, middle and end.
Hi, Hildegarde33, this is an intersting little 55-word story. The setting was a bit unusual, but I liked that. Did people dress for Halloween back then? I am also not quite sure why James "stormed" out the door. I realize you only have 55-words with which to work, but the story didn't quite gel for me.
This is a great little 55-word story. You have said so much in just a few words. You did a wonderful job with the format also. I hope this is only a story and not something that is a part of your life.
Keep up the good work.
Best Wishes, Cynaemon
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