Enjoyed reading your poem 'Resolutions'. This is an interesting form which I have not encountered before. You have done a good job with it. I especially like the middle free from verse. It has such a lovely image - promises written in spider silk.
Your poem has a good rhythm and flow. No grammatical errors. Good job.
I really loved your poem "Between Worlds." I can certainly agree with the sentiment in it. How often people try to live our lives for us. And you have given me a new idea, of jumping off and living in another reality.
Good free form poem, with excellent rhythm and flow.
I enjoyed reading your poem and tribute to you sweet cat Diamond. It has a good theme and sentiment. The title of course fits the poem, as it is the name of the subject.
There are a few problems with the rhythm and flow of the poem. Since you are writing quatrains with rhyming couplets. The number of syllables in your lines are a bit sloppy.
Silk in his shiny fur coat, - in this line, I think "Silk IS his shiny coat" goes better with the other lines in this verse.
The World is how smart— - This line does not make sense.
Diamond is an originality. - I realize you are trying to rhyme here, but this line also needs some work. Maybe "Diamond in his originality." would work better.
I really loved reading your poem and tribute to your dad. What a beautiful theme and sentiment, and what lovely images you have painted. Your poem has a sad tone to it. How sad that we do lose touch sometimes with those who mean the most. I guess that is part of life and part of growing up. But the love and the lessons, and the memories will always be there. I hope you have lots of pictures of your dad to share with your sons. Write down all the stories, lest they be forgotten.
Good rhythm and flow.
I am an child adult, selfish to admit - I think this should be "a child"
Other than that no grammatical or spelling errors.
It is a good free form poem, and has a nice rhythm and flow.
The theme is nice, and the poem has a rather sad tone. I was not sure rather this was about your mother, or an imaginary mother. It seemed a bit confusing. And why has she had a fraudulent, wasted life? I think you could expand on this a bit more.
Just a couple grammatical errors:
I can image her lost in a desert, - should be "imagine"
Why weren’t I cut like the others? - should be "wasn't"
I really loved your poem about the old ones, how they used to feel, and how they now feel as they are about to depart life for a heavenly place. This poem has a wonderful theme and sentiment. You have done a good job. The poem has a nice rhythm and flow.
i see that you are not an native english speaker, so I will correct some of the obvious errors for you.
I soon to come to my winter, - I soon come to my winter
Lying in bed I dreamt of pass. - dreamed of the past
I enjoyed so much like you do; - I enjoyed so much, like you do
I am mostly infatuated, - I was often infatuated
I was once also a youth,
but time goes by and found myself crooked. - but time goes by and now I am crooked, (sounds better )
I hope that you wont be so cold; - won't
Can you read for me?
Cause my eyes can't see. - 'cause
even though my voice can't be hear. - heard
waiting for my fort coming death. - forthcoming (one word)
My father is also from Philippines, from Santo Domingo, Ilocos Norte. I do not speak any Ilocano though. My mom is English. Where are you from? nice to meet you.
I enjoyed reading your lantern poem. It was very good. I have seen these referred to as diamante poems also.
Nice theme. I liked the way you went from air to dirt. Good choice of words, and good imagery. Also good rhythm and flow, as much as possible within the form.
I really enjoyed reading your essay on romantic novels. And I so agree with you. That is why I search out the really old ones. There are times when I do want more sex in my books. But as you say, that is not romance. And there are more times when I really just want that wonderful romantic feeling.
Your essay has a good sentiment. It is well-wriiten, makes a good point, and sticks to the point. There are no obvious grammatical or mechanical errors.
Great job. By the way, can I borrow your hubby? Actually, I don't need the hubby, just send the chocolate and flowers. LOL.
I enjoyed reading your poem. I especially liked the way you included the quote in your poem, like a refrain to your verses.
This is a good free form poem. The Title obviously fits the poem well. The theme is one easily understood by the reader. The poem has a nice rhythm and flow, and good imagery.
I see no grammatical or spelling errors. YOu have done a good job here, and it is obvious that you have spent some time on this.
I loved your poem about all the colors of your love. I loved the way you expressed the sentiments in the poem, each color showing an aspect of your love.
This is a wonderful free form poem and I find no errors of any kind here.
Great job!
Best Wishes, Cynaemon
PS. Congratulations on being featured in this month's romance newsletter
I enjoyed reading your little sevenling written in memory of your friend. I am sorry to hear of your loss. I think your poem really touches the reader.
You have done a good job with the form. The theme is good, as are the rhythm and flow of the poem, as far as possible in this form. The poem has good imagery.
I really enjoyed reading your little sevenling about a dog's day. I think I will have to write a rebuttal one for my cats. LOL.
Well, you have done an excellent job with the sevenling as well as the anaphora aspects of the poem. You have an intersting theme, and as far as possible in this form the poem has a good rhythm and flow.
I enjoyed reading your lantern poems about sleep. Lantern poems can be kind of fund to write. I like the second poem better, but you have done a good job with both, following the form given.
Even though they are very short your poems both have a nice rhythm and flow. Good imagery for such short poems.
I really enjoyed reading your poem "How Did I Get Here?" I think you have asked the same questions that many of us ask ourselves each day. Is there an answer to any of these questions? Who really knows. There is a lot of philosphy in your poem. The title goes along well with the poem.
Your poem has a good structure and form and flows along nicely. Good rhythm.
Did I choose the path I took was it planned? - In this line, I think it would make more sense with a comma after "took". It didn't quite make sense the way it was written.
I think I would have liked to see a final verse which maybe answered the questions by saying we are all on a journey. But then, that may take away from the them of the poem, which is to question, not to answer.
Congratulations on your wedding. This is a nice little poem you have written. I would consider it more a senryu than a haiku, as it is really personal, and haiku usually deal with nature. You have followed the 5-7-5 syllable count of both the haiku and senryu, and done a good job.
You have strong images in this work. I especially liked the a last line "sworn on hallowed ground".
Welcome to WDC. I enjoyed reading your short poem and tribute very much. Even though your poem is very short, one can really feel the emotion and sorrow in the poem.
This is a good free form poem. It has a good rhythm and flow. There are no grammatical or spelling errors. Thank you for your attention to such detail.
Welcome to WDC. I enjoyed reading your poem very much. It has a good sentiment, and you have expressed it well. I look forward to seeing many more of your works here.
This free form poem has a good rhythm and flow. There are no mechanical or spelling errors.
Welcome to WDC. I enjoyed reading your poem very much. You have done good job with your free form poem. It has a good sentiment, and you have expressed it well.
Purposefully spreading its limbs around, wild weeds. - should be their limbs
Other than that, I see no mechanical or spelling errors. Good rhythm and flow to your poem.
Welcome to WDC. I really enjoyed reading your short story. You have done a good job. The reader can really feel the fear the character is experiencing. Your story has a good plot, and you have done a good job with your character.
Where had he gone? - think it should be "where has he gone". You changed tenses here.
Walking the short distance to my studio flat, thinking of what I may watch on tv, or maybe rent a film, I vaguely hear footsteps behind me. Why didn't I turn around? To .
This paragraph needs a little work, as you have changed tenses. This might work better:
Walking the short distance to my studio flat, thinking of what i might watch on tvm or considering renting a film.....
Still a good effort.
Best Wishes, Cynaemon
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